Guess Who’s Baaaaack? Mrs. Ed!
It’s remarkable how a show about kids has really turned into one about their stupid moms like with this week’s Toddlers & Tiaras. And thank God for that, this was a good one!
This week’s South Elite Kentucky State Pageant Circus/Carnival theme is like opposite day with a chatterbox and a shy kid, nice moms and hick moms, and a visit from the illustrious 3-job-holding-my-ass-cooch-monkey Nikki. See her comments on last week’s recap if you want some real laughs. She did not disappoint with her “honors degress” heh. There were even legal threats – someone, call Candyass quick! They can do a class-action lawsuit for this website as well as the transvaginal mesh IUD Yaz fiasco that they are probably also pursuing vigilantly.
First up is our South Carolina gal Gracie and her totally ignorant, clueless, illiterate and totally white-trash mom and aunt who have the maturity of 14 year olds if you count that in dog years. Gracie is really adorable and pleasant overall, but the trash-talking done by the women in her life against that OTHER piece of trash Nikki is honestly worse than Nikki’s trash talk. At least she puts together some semblance of coherent sentences, sorta. These two woman are pissed that Nikki trash-talks them and Gracie, but then they turn around and do the same but with less grammatically accuracy. I mean, I’d be pissed if someone said such mean things about my kid, but why not be the bigger person here? Unless you count teeth, then Nikki wins chiclets down.
Next up is our non-stop chatterbox Ashley who is really cute, but whose mom and pageant-paying-for-grandma-who-lords-it-over-them grandma could use a team of therapists to help them with their relationship. They don’t snipe much, but I thought there was a ton of tension between the two fo them and you get the feeling without the cameras there are nasty things said. Grandma herself is a hot mess and it looks like she has old lipstick all around her mouth – maybe sticking with the circus theme, she was trying to look like a smiling clown? Also, they make a pretty amateur mistake with – I know – fingernails. Neophytes!
And finally is our mute of the show, the unfortunately named Jersie. She’s great at dance but she is super-shy, so her mother thinks putting her in pageants where she is judged on her looks and poise should help that. Enjoy your eating disorder! To help Jersie, mom hires the best coach she can find – a teenager who has never done pageants, doesn’t know what she’s doing and admits she learned how to coach by watching pageants on TV. This is Jersie’s first pageant so mom is sure she’ll win the highest title. Way to make sure that does not happen.
The trash talking between White Trash Mafia (as Nikki calls the mom/aunt duo, totally insulting the mafia who avoid the word “young’un”) and Nikki the cooch reaches an all-time high as White Trash mom calls Nikki outside for “words” and/or a Cops episode of bitch-slapping…too bad there wasn’t any real fighting except with “dem der words.” What little, little lives these people lead. If only the rest of us could find some way to enslave them to do menial housework.