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We’re still in Kentucky this week at the International Fresh Faces: Kentucky Derby pageant for this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Pageant Director Michael Booth may be joining the Gasmii lineup of fun pageant directors at the bar as clearly he is a hoot and completely knows how to dish. I’m willing to bet get a few mai tais in this guy and you’d hear scoop that would burn your ears!
Kids were interesting as were their moms, per usual, but not as much drama as the past few weeks. First up is Kendyl, spelled like Benadryl (my favorite in dealing with kids!), who is 18 months old and kind of a brat. I mean, I get it, she’s a baby, but she slaps her mother like a mofo. If a kid smacked me like that, she’d regret it for YEARS. Sadly, Kendyl’s mom not only takes it, but finds it funny. Yeah, she ain’t smart.
On the other hand, Kendyl’s dad initially scared the shit out of me with his neck and eyebrow tattoos (not to mention all the other ones) and his ability to tattoo mom’s foot while Kendyl smacked away. However, he turns out to not only be a good pageant dad, but a great dad overall. You seem him discipline Kendyl, support Kendyl and basically just be a good, hard-working guy. Don’t get me wrong, he looks like a bank robber and that he’ll cut you good if you look at him wrong, but in reality, he won’t.
Next up is the unfortunately spelled Jozy, 3, whose own mother calls her a “hot mess” and who is perpetually in time-out (which kind of shows it’s not really working for this kid). Jozy is really pretty but she’s annoying as shit. Not really a brat, just irritating. She doesn’t mind, doesn’t pay attention and spent a few moments squeaking at such a high pitch my dogs all woke up from their 50th nap of the day, which is not an easy thing to make them do. Normally a natural pageant gal, her mom is thoroughly convinced that she’ll be taking ultimate grand supreme at this very first glitz pageant of hers. Sigh.
And finally is our ego of the episode, Alana, 6, who says she sometimes like pageants but that her alter-ego Sasha Fierce loves them. Okay, lots of issues with this. Sasha Fierce is someone else’s alter-ego, and I don’t think I’d go up against her. Also, why do you have to have two personalities – one that sort of likes pageants and one that loves them? Didn’t we do this a couple of seasons ago with that little bitch Tootie? I find it odd that kids are sort of splitting in two. Finally, why not just be yourself? Except for the fact that you are a total narcissist thanks to mom.
Dad on the other hand is a nice guy and a marine – so hats off to his service to our country – who unfortunately gets stuck paying for all of this bullshit. Seems like you might want to save that money for any medical care you may need after serving, given that our VA hospitals are really struggling financially, but whatever. He loves his daughter and is very supportive which is awesome.