Toddlers & Tiaras MiniCap

Toddlers and Tiaras

By DearCrabby | Thursday, January 3, 2013 | 8:13 am | 43 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

This is one dedicated pageant dad.

We’re still in Kentucky this week at the International Fresh Faces:  Kentucky Derby pageant for this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.  Pageant Director Michael Booth may be joining the Gasmii lineup of fun pageant directors at the bar as clearly he is a hoot and completely knows how to dish.  I’m willing to bet get a few mai tais in this guy and you’d hear scoop that would burn your ears! 

Kids were interesting as were their moms, per usual, but not as much drama as the past few weeks.  First up is Kendyl, spelled like Benadryl (my favorite in dealing with kids!), who is 18 months old and kind of a brat.  I mean, I get it, she’s a baby, but she slaps her mother like a mofo.  If a kid smacked me like that, she’d regret it for YEARS.  Sadly, Kendyl’s mom not only takes it, but finds it funny.  Yeah, she ain’t smart.  

On the other hand, Kendyl’s dad initially scared the shit out of me with his neck and eyebrow tattoos (not to mention all the other ones) and his ability to tattoo mom’s foot while Kendyl smacked away.  However, he turns out to not only be a good pageant dad, but a great dad overall.  You seem him discipline Kendyl, support Kendyl and basically just be a good, hard-working guy.  Don’t get me wrong, he looks like a bank robber and that he’ll cut you good if you look at him wrong, but in reality, he won’t.  

Next up is the unfortunately spelled Jozy, 3, whose own mother calls her a “hot mess” and who is perpetually in time-out (which kind of shows it’s not really working for this kid).  Jozy is really pretty but she’s annoying as shit.  Not really a brat, just irritating.  She doesn’t mind, doesn’t  pay attention and spent a few moments squeaking at such a high pitch my dogs all woke up from their 50th nap of the day, which is not an easy thing to make them do.  Normally a natural pageant gal, her mom is thoroughly convinced that she’ll be taking ultimate grand supreme at this very first glitz pageant of hers.  Sigh. 

And finally is our ego of the episode, Alana, 6, who says she sometimes like pageants but that her alter-ego Sasha Fierce loves them.  Okay, lots of issues with this.  Sasha Fierce is someone else’s alter-ego, and I don’t think I’d go up against her.  Also, why do you have to have two personalities – one that sort of likes pageants and one that loves them?  Didn’t we do this a couple of seasons ago with that little bitch Tootie?  I find it odd that kids are sort of splitting in two.  Finally, why not just be yourself?  Except for the fact that you are a total narcissist thanks to mom. 

Dad on the other hand is a nice guy and a marine – so hats off to his service to our country – who unfortunately gets stuck paying for all of this bullshit.  Seems like you might want to save that money for any medical care you may need after serving, given that our VA hospitals are really struggling financially, but whatever.  He loves his daughter and is very supportive which is awesome. 

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A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

43 Comments

  1. 1
    caligal
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 8:35 am

    I didn’t get to watch the episode last night, but I had to comment because my captcha code is “bigger in Texas”. Sparkle baby!!!

  2. 2
    Cocodawn Nicole
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Kendyl was scary. Did you see the look on her face when she pulled her mom’s hair? It was so intense, as if she really wanted to hurt her! She’s a real life Chucky doll.

  3. 3
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 9:13 am

    Yeah, I think 18 month old kids should be in beauty pageants.

    Yup.

    Um hmm.

    and I was just so glad that mom bought shalana whatevs all four dresses because they couldn’t decide. Good luck Dad.

  4. 4
    SaraKate
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 9:24 am

    Now, see, I thought Jozy was HILARIOUS. Yes, she’s a brat, but at least she’s a charming one, LOL!

    My favorite was “Time out is BAD.”

  5. 5
    karekare
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Kendyl was rotten! I really didn’t think she was that cute. Just average. You can put a pretty dress on any baby and they will look cute. This was no different. They were tossing dollar bills at her as if she were a stripper. Creepy. Then she screamed because she didn’t want to leave the stage and no longer be the center of attention. Nice. They think that’s cute! Well, when she becomes a pig like her mama I’m sure she’ll produce offspring and parade them around like dogs at a dog show. Paying people to tell you that your kids cute! Pathetic! If that kid would have smacked me I would have spanked her ass! Instead this dumb ass mom just held her kid out farther so that she couldn’t slap her as hard! Dumb ass parents!

  6. 6
    Cocodawn Nicole
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 9:58 am

    I love how Jozy kept saying “aw man!”

  7. 7
    Sam
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 10:17 am

    I kept thinking KenChuckyDyl’s dad made his eyebrows up with the a shoe polish sponge applicator and wishing he’d have tried it with a green bingo dauber.

  8. 8
    ANTM Fan
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 10:37 am

    How much did I love Michael Booth? My favorite line of the episode was, “There’ll be some little jockeys.” I thought: “Yup, I bet you’re wearing them.”

    Jozy’s mom needs to learn some better disciplinary skills. “Time out” is clearly not effective for this kid. I had the sense that she’s one of those parents who feels the need to punish for every little, tiny, age-appropriate behavior. Expecting a 3-year-old to be perfect is a recipe for disaster. And “Jozy” has to be one of the worst kree8ive spellings I’ve ever seen.

    It took me ages to figure out what was wrong with Kendyl’s dad’s face (the tattooed eyebrows), but I agree that he seemed like a sweet guy and great with his daughter. I thought it was bizarre that they were bribing her with money. She’s 18 months old! So many pageant moms talk about how their kids “turn it on” when they get on stage, but Kendyl really did. It was like she became a completely different kid–and she really seemed to enjoy herself, which was nice to see.

  9. 9
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 10:40 am

    Kendyl is the result of rotten parenting. Two things about an 18 month old, 1) they really should NOT know what money is and 2) nothing they say should have to be bleeped by the network. And yet, both seem to be the case with this kid. TeenMom seems clueless about child rearing – hopefully there’s a helpful Grandma in the picture somewhere or I’d HATE to end up being one of this kids teachers. It seems Dad truly makes an effort but he’s not around this kid 24/7. Mom also works so I wonder who hit the lucky jackpot of caring for this kid when they’re working? Whoever it is, they aren’t getting paid enough.

    SashaFierce needs to get a bit looser in her performances. I suspect the judges were trying to figure out who was pulling the strings on that puppet with the painted on smile.

    As to Josy, well, an odd child with odder parents.

  10. 10
    Faye
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 10:52 am

    I could not get past the Little House on the Prarie underoos Sasha (NOT) Fierce was sporting under her derby wear. Between that and the wig from the Shirley Temple Clearance Rack she was sporting I just could not get behind her. I would love to see the other contestants at any pageant where she or Kenadryl took Grand Pooba

  11. 11
    talk it then
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 11:24 am

    watched lastnight’s episode,, gotta say I love that Michael. He was a hoot.. At least he called it like he saw it. I did think that baby was kind of bad hitting all the time.. I think I would have to have spanked that butt if it would have been me. Alanna and her momma,, geesh,, really? 50,000 on that pageant.. she must have got robbed big time. I know people spend alot but there is no way in hell she spent that much. I dont think she was all that cute either. What do you expect being out as long as you say you have. I think her mom is a real cunt for acting the way she did. Learn how to lose gracefully. She did win something which was a supreme title. Some are never satisfied. As far as Jozy.. she is a cutie but not what I would call really wanting to do pageants. From what I saw she didn’t do anything on stage.

  12. 12
    Ms Cool
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Alana looks like Tracy Morgan and Jozy was a hoot.

  13. 13
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    I live a half hour away from where Alana’s family was from, Mobile, Alabama. It was strange seeing places I recognized. I actually ended up watching this episode with my mom. She said she knows where that dress store is, the name and the outside of the store looked familiar to me. I don’t know much about the marines, but I’m pretty sure they don’t make enough, where they can spend $5000 on dresses.

    Kendyl has future daddy girl written all over her.

  14. 14
    Tonya
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Crabby, Mai Tais For sure at the bar!!! I Just was at Trader Vic’s and Oh My Love me some Mai Tais from there. Just a few weeks for my new episode 01-16-2013!

  15. 15
    rollingeyes
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    I thought Alana’s mom said they had spendt $ 5,000, not $50,000. Both are ridiculous, but if she did say 50,000 then she’s flat out lying. I also don’t buy the whole “buying three dresses” bullshit – that was all for the cameras. I’m sure they brought the other two back for a refund after the crew left. Kendyl needs a smack on that little butt of hers; her mom does seem like a clueless teenager and dad, although sweet towards his little girl, needs to step in and intervene. Jozy was a bit odd looking – something about her eyes, I’m not sure – too far apart, perhaps?

    I really wish they’d get rid of the scene where all the judges are talking about the girls. It’s so boring. The only time it was decent was when the drag queen was talking about how bad that one little girl was.

  16. 16
    StageMom
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    Don’t forget, Michael did the makeup on the mini Dolly Parton a few seasons back. He’s also daddy #2 to Hannah Douglas who’s boobs won $10,000 cash, not a bond on stage at Universal Royalty. He’s been a big part of the pageant world forever and I have to say I think he did a great job of not looking insane.

    I think we now know why the T&T producers had the director of last weeks pageant change the theme from “derby”. Guess they don’t want too many little jockeys running around.

  17. 17
    Snarkster Snarkster
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    I thought Jozy was adorable, but totally overwhelmed. During beauty she was totally distracted by those glittery blue ponies, but to be fair, I would be too.

    And Tonya, I love you.

  18. 18
    Brianna Quinn
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 5:44 pm

    Ken-Dill’s dad reminded me of the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz….same nose

  19. 19
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    Mr Z watched the episode with me and was like wtf is up with his eyes. Took me a while to figure out his brows were tattooed. *shutter* Then I had to explain the no no that is black open toe and the white shoe frilly white sock…Then he asked me what a glitz dress was!! he was paying more attention then I was…

    When I saw Jozy in the hat, at first I was like wth!! why would you do that? Then I saw the theme. I did like Jozys derby wear. It was cute.

    Was it just me, or did anyone else see an IFF crown in Jozys collection when they were in her room, and mom said this was her first Glitz pageant?

    Man, the auto- correct is freaking out on me!!

    Looking forward to the recap in a few days!

  20. 20
    Snarkster Snarkster
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    Okay, I’m trying my first comment with a legit account. I’m all in now!

    I thought Jozy was adorable. During Beauty she was distracted by the sparkly blue ponies behind her, but to be fair I probably would be too.

    Also: Hi Tonya! I love you. :)

  21. 21
    rollingeyes
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    No, I saw the IFF crown too and wondered what that was all about.

    I also just noticed a spelling error in my earlier post – sorry – typed too fast. It should have read “spent”.

  22. 22
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    Iff prelims are often fairly natural, or offer both sides. Even this one was fairly “toned down”, I am guessing, because we saw one of our local pageant friends in the background during beauty and she is a “national glitz” kid, and from what I could tell, she didn’t have a hairpiece in, so chances are good that Jozy’s IFF crown really was from a natural pageant. I thought Alanna was adorable, but she was a hint rusty. Did anyone else recognize the UGS Alexis? Michael Booth is our go-to hair-makeup guy at nationals. He really is pretty funny, and definitely needs to be part of that bar-night! :-) . I will admit my granddaughter was doing pageants younger than Kendyl, and like they said about Kendyl, she really seemed to like it and want to be there. The tattoo scene HAD to be faked. There is no way that was a new foot tattoo when they showed it– a new foot tattoo would be red and swollen at least a bit, and that was clearly well-healed.

  23. 23
    Snickerdoodle
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    I just found your site because I listened to the Watch What Crappens podcast. Love it. I will be a regular fo sho!

  24. 24
    Penny Ruxpin
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 11:38 pm

    Alana looked like a drag queen…a bad one. I guess that’s where Sasha Fierce came into play? I’m not quite sure why anyone would teach their child such an obnoxious trait as ‘boneless neck head bobbing’, but I’m sure it will come in handy when Tyler Perry dies. Sasha can gift the the world with, ‘Madea goes to Pageants’…

  25. 25
    pageant-grandma
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    I am still cracking up about the “If it looks like you have a dead poodle on your head”, “If you look like a horse”, or “If it looks like you’ve been rubbed down in iodine” when Mr. Michael was talking about how glitz is too glitz. It sounds like something we’d say here! :-)

  26. 26
    ww
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 6:52 am

    Penny Ruxpin, That is a FANTASTIC idea! I’ve never seen a Tyler Perry movie, but I would definitely go see “Madea’s Pageant Adventure” (well, at least Netflix it). Get this info to him – Stat!

    Great recap, as always :)

  27. 27
    rollingeyes
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Yes, Pageant Grandma, I thought the same thing too about the tattoo and forgot to mention it. There is no way that was a fresh tattoo, which begs the question – why bother with the scene? To make us all freak out because the baby was so close to the needle?

  28. 28
    StageMom
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 7:24 am

    Woah are you implying Toddlers & Tiaras would stage a scene to create drama??? But but but I thought this was REALity TV. It can’t be. What are you going to say next, those Real Housewives aren’t real or housewives?

  29. 29
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 8:09 am

    My hubby watched some of this with me as well. He thought Kendyl (do people know how to spell?) was a brat and so did I, and then he commented he thought her father was gay…and so did I. Definitely a vibe there. Doesn’t matter if he is or isn’t, but for sure gay waves were coming out. He clearly loves his daughter though, good for him. I’m always happy to see a good Dad. I can’t quite understand why people put babies in Pageants, seems like a waste of time and money. More often than not they scream on stage and off. I love babies and kids (sorry Crabby) but if I had to listen to one whining and behaving like a total brat all day, I surely would go insane.

    It was swell not seeing Coach Coochie’s horse face this epi. Did anyone watch the re-run of the America’s Regal Gems Pageant? looks like TLC hired almost everyone in that epi for Cheer Perfection, including the Director of the Pageant… Hmmmm……

  30. 30
    coffylover coffylover
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 8:32 am

    @Pat, I can’t remember if I saw the America’s Regal Gems epi, but I caught the rerun of the Crown Beauties one with a slew of the Cheer Perfection group. I had totally forgotten that red-head Bonnie was a pageant director, in addition to, well, a crazy cheer mom! Small world, that Arkansas!

    Ann (mother of the unfortunately named Torrann) caught my attention on that T&T episode, b/c she seemed slightly less bitchy on T&T than she is over on Cheer Perfection, where she’s just a sickening human being. I hope she’s faking that level of heinousness for the cameras, but who knows. ;)

  31. 31
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 8:41 am

    @coffylover, you are correct, Crown Beauties it was! They’re all a blur, ya know?

  32. 32
    michelle
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 9:28 am

    I loved how Alanna’s mom was very honest rather than the typical delusional mother. When she said that Alanna could fall down and she would still think Alanna should supreme cracked me up.

  33. 33
    Arkansas
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 11:35 am

    I can give y’all a little insight about the cheer perfection/pageant moms. I have meant and been around these women in person and yes! They really act like that. They are all fake and dramatic in real life. They all kiss Alisha’s booty, and will start drama anywhere for the fun of it!

  34. 34
    Arkansas
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Met* sorry I’m southern not a hiljack

  35. 35
    Snarkster Snarkster
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    I finally decided to unlurk and join you lovelies! And now I’ve built it up so much in my head that I forgot what I was going to say….

    I agree that the tattoo bit looked staged, and I thought Jozy was adorable. I think she was distracted by the glittery blue ponies during her beauty wear. But to be fair, I would be too.

  36. 36
    Clair Clair
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    What was up with Kendyl’s dad’s hat? what was he hiding under there?

  37. 37
    karekare
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 6:51 pm

    Requardless of whether or not Kendyl acted as if she wanted to be on stage, it’s still promoting a very unhealthy attitude in which the child thinks they have to be the center of attention. Maybe she liked to be on stage but she sure was acting miserable the rest of the time.
    Jozy was an adorable little girl and definately the prettiest!
    Allana was not that cute and she was very obnoxious! That poor father of hers! He’s fighting for our country and she’s senselessly spending his money!
    When they were getting ready to announce the Novice Supreme, Kendyl’s dad was twirling his thumbs!!! I actually had to look down and make sure that was what he was doing!
    When they interview these people you would think it was the olympics!

  38. 38
    Carpedi7
    Posted January 4, 2013 at 9:57 pm

    Jozy cracked me up, I know I shouldn’t laugh at a little girl who is obviously in time out so often, but I just couldn’t help it every time she said “Aw Man”.

    Because I haven’t put myself through enough pain, I’ve decided to start watching T&T from the beginning on Netflix. I’m up to the episode with Payton retiring from pagents. I forgot just how delusional David, Ava’s dad, was, and how Annette Hill can’t speak worth a darn. I do have to say I kind of like how the first few episodes just gave more of an backstage insight to the patterns instead of all of the drama.

  39. 39
    April
    Posted January 5, 2013 at 6:44 am

    haha Sasha Fierce. I am rewatching Season 2 of Drag Race and I wonder if that little girl and Tyra would be BFFs?

    I don’t know if having an alter ego is a bad thing. Maybe for kids. I have an alter ego. It mostly is about sex though……

  40. 40
    News2u
    Posted January 5, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Ok, i loved the show, but everyone knows they edit so much! I mean really, Jozy was so pretty and got glitz queen and all they showed was her looking behind her, I think maybe there was more to it than that. And for derby wear, did anyone see the pic of her on the preview it showed way more of her face but we didnt see that pose on the show, lots of edits i think.

  41. 41
    karekare
    Posted January 5, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    I hope it’s ok to share this link, but it was soooo funny!
    http://jezebel.com/5940397/i-entered-my-baby-in-a-beauty-pageant-and-lost-my-mind

  42. 42
    Ms Cool
    Posted January 5, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    @karekare – thanks for sharing that article. I like how the author got sucked in for a bit but finally remembered that pageants are nuts. I do wonder, however, why her baby didn’t win best hair?!!

  43. 43
    sparklebabyunicorn
    Posted January 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Hi everyone, i have been reading these recaps for ages and thought i would finally get on and post. Did Kendyl’s mom say at the start she had won ultimate before? Because I’m sure her dad said at crowning that he was looking forward to her first supreme title??? Might have heard it wrong but was a little confused by it.

    Btw I love reading all your posts especially pageant grandma because its interesting to learn more about pageants from a sane person instead of just knowing what we see on the show. We don’t have pageants in my country so it’s quite entertaining for me to watch all the crazy stuff that goes on and read the recaps (loved it when crazy nikki was on here)

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