# Toddlers & Tiaras MiniCap

Toddlers and Tiaras

| | 6:29 am | 43 Comments

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A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

1. 1
Frizzypop
Posted January 31, 2013 at 6:37 am

Oh, look, I get to be the first comment! Happened to have iPad in hand when the recap posted, what great timing!

I think that hands down, Emma Bell is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen! She was very self confident and those blue eyes and blonde curls are just beautiful. I thought her mom was very normal. She could use some dental work for sure but she was very nice, well dressed and very supportive. I liked this family a lot.

I had to wonder what happened to the editors when they were interviewing Amy and her husband, I kept waiting for the crickets to chirp, but alas I was left waiting. They were about as boring a couple I have ever seen on TV. Snoozefest!!! And Amy, wow… I have no words. It is a good thing she is attractive because I don’t think the elevator goes all the way to the top. (that’s a nice way of saying, she’s an IDIOT!!). And is it just me or was it a really stupid idea to drive a big honking RV to the pageant just to check into a hotel? I’m thinking the gas to drive that bus there was as much or more than the $100 room they used. And, Lana, in case you didn’t catch it after watching this, BELLA DOES NOT WANT TO DO PAGEANTS! AT ALL!! And that homemade POS outfit of choice. I didn’t get it at all. Strangest thing I’ve seen in a while. And I love a great crown as much as Crabby does, but those cat crowns were just stupid! Can’t wait to see what else you have to say Crabby, you are always entertaining! 2. 2 ellemenop Posted January 31, 2013 at 6:44 am what is WRONG with these pathetic mothers who start planning on their daughters’ lame pageant “careers” before they’re even born? i mean, i plan on finding a reputable dance studio for my kid about a year ahead, but i’m not sitting here with this unborn baby planning out how to sparkle with it as soon as i pop it out. however, “bald knob” (really?!) was terrifying. i actually dont even think i can blame that family for being obsessed with pageants — i’d do whatever it took to escape from that craphole, too. and was that actually emma’s mother? she looked about 50, and most 50-year-olds don’t have kids that young. if not, she was rather haggard for her age (no, she was haggard for any age, really). i cracked up whenever mensa mom talked. could anyone else hear the wind blowing between her ears? i want to know how the emcee got her hair to … do that. i would also be interested in knowing why. please correct me if i’m wrong, but it’s probably not a compliment to be considered to have a “sad” personality. bella is a hot mess. and if it is what it is, it’s not going to get much better. is it just me, or where the judges not giving a crap about anything? they kept calling these horrible routines “awesome” and “perfect.” i mean, if their standards are that low, maybe i can go become their queen and they can be my slaves, because i’m pretty awesome and perfect. 3. 3 Trixie Posted January 31, 2013 at 6:46 am Emma’s ahir was a hot mess. And Mom needs to stop sharing the bleach with her 5 year old. Next she will start sharing the gravel-laden toothpaste she is obviously using. Yuk. Did you see the shot of them leaving the ballroom, and the mom had huge marks behind her knees from bendng them while her spray tan was still wet?? LOL The 1 baby was boring, the one was bratty. The mom with the long blonde hair, I felt sorry for her. She seems to have a way fucking up words, and her hubby seems like he might give her a slap now and then. And a$250 cash prize? For realz? That looked like a very slack pageant.

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thisbuggs4u
Posted January 31, 2013 at 7:05 am

Ok, A Full Glitz Pageant must mean something different depending on where in the south the pageant is. Emma Belle’s dress was cute, but that was not a Full Glitz Dress. There was no cupcake skirt. I can see why they didn’t do a fall, I don’t think you can get a fall that color without it falling apart. She was a cutie pie, I will say that. To me she still looked the same made up as she did natural. As for EB’s mom. She is looking a bit “rode hard and put up wet” if you know what I mean…But she was great. She didn’t freak out when EB’s skirt broke. She handled EB’s mini melt down great. I thought EB’s Safari wear was pretty cute, even if it did have that stupid tear away skirt. kind of glad it broke!

Brooklyn was cute. I loved her purple dress. But Mom if you want her to look at the judges, Tell your posse to stand behind them, not off to the side! Yeah mom was kind of clueless.

Bella, well she was funny. Well until she told her mom to Shut up. To me it seemed like all the footage they got of Bella was right before nap time. She had that, get out of my face look on her. She even said a few times that she was tired and wanted to go to bed. I loved her Monkey outfit. When the phone rang, so cute.

They showed a shot of a little girl dressed as a lion, that was pretty cute as well!

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T&T-lover
Posted January 31, 2013 at 8:03 am

I had to come and comment because Emma Belle was not only the most beautiful girl ever featured on the show, she was the most beautiful girl EVER! Those photos they were taking of her were gorgeous, and as a curly haired girl myself with two daughters with curly hair, I was happy to see them embrace her natural curls and not do a fall. I loved her personality and loved how her mom handled her mini melt down. Now, let’s get that mom some sleep, or at least some good concealer!

I HATE when parents say that this is their child’s world and we all live in it. As soon as those words came out of Bella’s mom’s mouth I wanted to throw something at the TV. Obviously two year olds go through that No phase, but clearly that child does not like pageants. It kills me to think how much money they have spent in two years on this hobby for something she hates. I teach dance and both my daughters dance at the studio (for free) but I tell them all the time that if they don’t want to dance, it won’t disappoint me or hurt my feelings- I just want them to be happy and find something they enjoy. Luckily for my pocketbook they enjoy dancing, so I don’t have to find another activity that would cost \$. Ugh, these stupid parents!!!!

Amy cracked me up with her comments, and her screen time with her hubbie. Can’t wait for the full recap, DC. I troll the site everyday for more comments and recaps. Thanks for making my day!

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T&T-lover
Posted January 31, 2013 at 8:05 am

I forgot to say, I actually loved Bella’s outfit of choice, with the banana phone, I actually laughed out loud. At least they are saving money due to the homemade outfits.

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snowshoecat
Posted January 31, 2013 at 8:10 am

@Frizz, I think Grandma and Grandpa stayed in the RV so the Airheads (they both seemed clueless) could be in the room and the rest of the entourage didn’t have to be near them.

Also, every time I saw Mr. A the term “pussy whipped” sprang to mind.

Can we say that?

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Frizzypop
Posted January 31, 2013 at 8:14 am

@snowshoecat – didn’t think about the g-parents, that makes sense. Pussy whipped I think is quite appropriate for him. He’s probably just happy he hooked a pretty one.

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crockpot
Posted January 31, 2013 at 8:19 am

Emma looked like Julianne Hough as a child to me. Stunning.

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MarianMoney
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:02 am

I didn’t need to throw anything at the TV during this episode. Are we back to Normal pageants?

Bella
Editing tried to make her look the “Brat” of the episode, and she came across as a baby needing a nap, Mom doesn’t have enough “crazy” to be snarked on, which is a good thing for child welfare, bad for snarkers.

Brooklyn
Sweet baby with a higher IQ and sense of reality than her Mom. Grandparemts are probably there to make shre Mom brings home the right baby after the pageant, since she did say that they all looked alike.

Emma Bell
Love her. Editing might have been trying to get her to look the “poor girl out of her league” part of the show, but her natural beauty, good attitude and good parenting won over anything the producers could try to manipulate.

And just as a last word
“Vegas”???? in leopard?? what career choices does she have?

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Jarrodsmom
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:11 am

Emma Jean was one of the prettiest and sweetest girls I’ve seen! Her mom (?) looked alittle old for a child that age.

Bella was a brat! Wanted to beat both child and mother! This is when humans should be lizards and eat their young!

Brooklyn was cute and smart for her age. Mother Amy was priceless. There’s definitely a wind tunnel between those ears! I got the feeling that the father was embarrassed about the mother talking. There was a few looks that showed he thought she was quite stupid. Hey Adam, I agree!

The judges didn’t seem to give a crap about any of them. I thought the one judge was going to slap the middle judge when she jumped in and cut her off while she was still talking. The look she gave her could have killed!

The girl they showed as a lion was adorable. Also the little girl that ran off after her mother took her skirt off.

Can’t wait for the full recap. As usual, yor awesome DC!

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KJN
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:14 am

Bald Knob (ugh) was one of the most hideous towns I think I have ever seen on this show. I thought the building with “video store” scrawled in black paint across it whenever they had Mak on was bad, but this was a whole new level. I was surprised when I actually saw the family that they didn’t seem that hillbilly, except for the mom’s teeth. She said how tired she was several times and I believe her. But that kid is really pretty and well behaved and they put her together really well. So good for them!

Bella drove me nuts. No! No! No! Is there anything that kid DID like? Hate parents that say that crap, too. You’re the parent, act like it!

I think the long pauses when Amy would talk were the producers trying to show us she ain’t too bright. I thought she was actually kind of funny myself.

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Jarrodsmom
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:15 am

Meant Emma Belle. Loved her giggle.

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Jarrodsmom
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:19 am

Forgot the shaving/shaping eyebrows comment that Amy made. Funny! Just keep agreeing and don’t piss off your hubby if you say a wrong word!

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KJN
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:21 am

Oh, yeah! VEGAS! WTF? Can you imagine the comments that kid will get? “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. I sent my daughter a text telling her the kid’s name and all she said was “WHY”!?! I told her the kid should hook up with Big Brother Brenden when she grows up and he and Rachel inevitably get divorced, just so she can say “I AM Vegas, Brenden!”. That…would be awesome!

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DearCrabby
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:23 am

@ellemenop – Bald Knob, I KNOW! HAHAHA! Wasn’t he the drag queen coach last week?

@MarianMoney – I KNOW! When I heard the name Vegas, I was like, wow, another pole girl. WHAT are these parents thinking? I guess they aren’t. I mean, there’s creative and then there’s prophetic.

It was a quiet episode but it had it’s moments, that’s for sure…!

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Frizzypop
Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:23 am

I am praying to the pageant gods to let little miss airhead find her way to our discussion. We could have so much fun with her and she probably won’t get it. Of course we probably won’t be able to understand anything she says any more than she understands a complete sentence, but oh boy would it be fun!!

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Estella
Posted January 31, 2013 at 10:57 am

I really liked Brooklyn’s mom up until the end, then I realized that she wasn’t a ding bat, but a calculating asshat who couldn’t form a response to anything she didn’t plan for. Her mind was too tied up with her goal.

I that Emma was a cutie, and I loved her hair. She wasn’t super glitz, but I think that’s okay. Pageantry isn’t just about how much you can pile on, it’s also about poise and personality. I think they found the near perfect balance for her.

And poor Bella, she has a very, well, mature look about her. And she doesn’t seem so interested in pageants, but I loved the end of her monkey routine.. she totally pulled it off and showed great personality. Her face the instant she answered her bananaphone was awesome and pretty much all I remembered about the routine.

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Kat78
Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:00 am

Emma Belle was the first girl on this show who lived up to her parent’s \star quality\ claim. I can really see her having legitimate \it\!

As for Brooklyn’s mom, I couldn’t help but start to feel a little sorry for her towards the end. She was obviously trying really hard and she didn’t seem mean spirited. I cringed when she made the comment about not telling her husband about her mixing up words, and he seemed to look at her with contempt/embarrassment a few times. That can’t be a fun situation to be in for either of them. At least he agreed to come on the show with his wife..maybe to watch/protect her? I hope it was just editing of a few shots, as they did seem to love their kid.

And it’s not Bella’s world, it is ours, and it is Mom/Dad’s job to socialize her and teach her the ways of her tribe.

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Frizzypop
Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:08 am

You guys have an interesting take on Amy…got me to thinking. Maybe she really couldn’t speak coherently because she was trying to remember what she wanted to say. She surely has watched the show and knows exactly what the producers do with the fodder they are given. I can see the whole husband situation as being he would agree to let her do the show as long as she didn’t make a fool out of herself and their family. I’m afraid all the engineering did just the opposite and backfired on her making her look like an idiot. Just a thought…

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YoureKillinMeSmalls
Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:43 am

Amy seemed sweet, but boy, was she an airhead. When she said her husband “knows all these words”, I wanted to say, “you mean he has a normal vocabulary?” Seriously, you don’t know if “lioness” is a word? If you don’t know, then why are you using it? No wonder her husband gets mad when people use the wrong word. He’s probably smacking his forehead on a regular basis, listening to her talk about things like “exit wombs” (remember that gem?).

And what was with her constantly looking down her nose at the camera when they did her one on one interviews? It was like she was afraid to tilt her face down to eye level for fear of having a double chin, but all it did was make her look more ridiculous. The camera wasn’t that close because at one point they showed a slightly pulled back shot and her posture was the same.

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Pat Ledoux
Posted January 31, 2013 at 12:17 pm

Crabby, I actually thought there was some good shit with this episode. Before I forget, did you catch a glimpse of the crazy Mom from a few episodes ago, ya know the one with the huge hair with the crazy Gamma? I forget their names!!

Bella’s mother is an ASS, listen up lady- YOUR KID HATES PAGEANTS!!! Why must Crabby and all the Crabbettes be forced to point this out to you? It’s exhausting. I truly wanted to rescue that child.

Emma Belle- Yes very cute, but headed in the direction of Anna Nicole. I actually thought Mom looked more like her Grandma, maybe it was my eyes….

Yet another Brooklyn- I got nothin.

The kid named Vegas- yup, heard that too. A pole name for sure.

Back for full recap, which I expect to rock it out as always…OMG did I just say that?????

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snowshoecat
Posted January 31, 2013 at 12:37 pm

@Frizz, I think we’d better rethink the PW comment. I too rethought Amy and her husband’s relationship.

He fell in love with the stereotypical dumb blonde and caters to her, even letting her spend time and money on what he considers a waste. He is protective, not whipped, and I admire him for taking care of a beautiful little creature who couldn’t take care of herself.

Bella’s mom, on the other hand, is a complete dolt.

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roodismom
Posted January 31, 2013 at 12:51 pm

was it just me or did that crown look like Scooby Doo when Emma Belle was talking?

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Nancy
Posted January 31, 2013 at 1:08 pm

The moms SAY they will stop if the kids asks. But since the kids is barely able to speak they figure that it doesn’t count when they said “no more”. It blows me away how parents think that toddlers are idiots with no ideas of their own. That they don’t know what they want. The moms think that “no” means yes in a toddler and don’t get it.

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TurtleGirl93
Posted January 31, 2013 at 1:26 pm

Bald Knob is indeed a teeny tiny little town. They even have their very own lake—I always get the giggles when I see the sign for it because it simply reads \BK Lake\. On one of our first trips home from college my roommate noticed the sign. Now this was in the early ’90s so it wasn’t too long after Paula Abdul was the spokesfoot for tennis shoes/sneakers.
Roomie: \Wow. I didn’t realize British Knights were such a big deal.\
Me: \Huh?\
Roomie: \Look. They have their own lake here. See the sign?\
Me: \Bald. Knob. Bald Knob Lake.\
In retrospect she may have been licking those special stamps that ultimately landed her boyfriend in jail.

We also have a town named Wiener. I am not even kidding. We would drive through it on our way to college–it wasn’t large enough to even have an exit. The highway went right through it. Popular joke during my college years:
How do you get to Bobbit, AR?
Cut through Wiener!!
*cymbals*

I thought Emma was adorable. Yay for a nice normal child!

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rollingeyes
Posted January 31, 2013 at 1:56 pm

You guys have given me a new perspective on Amy. At first I thought she was just an idiot and then when she was complaining about the relatives distracting Brooklyn and how the kid didn’t win anything I started to really dislike her. Perhaps she was just really nervous about how she was going to look on television.

For those of you who watch Pawn Stars, a poster on another forum said that Bella looked like Chumlee’s kid, and it’s SO true!

Emma was cute and had a nice personality but I’m not sure if she’ll stay that way (personality, I mean).

I hate it when the pageant directors pretend to know the kids. Emma’s mom said herself they had never competed in that state, yet the director said that Emma “wins everything”. How would she know? Is she just going off what the producers tell her?

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T&T-lover
Posted January 31, 2013 at 3:39 pm

@rollingeyes- HAAAA HAAAA!!!!! Chumlee’s kid! So true, so true. At least Chumlee is entertaining, though.

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joye
Posted January 31, 2013 at 4:20 pm

Crabby, your way with words and insight into kid’s pageants is epic! Keep on calling it like you see it.

Did you all notice that Emma Bell’s entire family had that white blonde hair? Maybe have been all from a bottle, but could be the common gene. (OK, not Mom, but surely dad and brother.) That bubbly little girl actually seemed to love pageants the way that Brooklyn’s mama craves for Brooklyn to do. That just ain’t gonna happen.

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AaronsMom
Posted January 31, 2013 at 4:25 pm

Amy = Quintessiential dumb blonde! She actually believes that a child less than 2 years old can voice a desire to compete on stage. It is no wonder that husband sticks around, she is far to stupid to be alone with children. Blaming family because a 2 year old isn’t focused? Really? It should be interesting to see if her mental capabilities have improved in 14 years when she’s giving her blank stare on 16 and pregnant.

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Frizzypop
Posted January 31, 2013 at 5:29 pm

@Pat Ledoux – I did notice them. They showed the little girl several times and I kept thinking she looked familiar then they showed her on stage with her mom and I was like, Oh Yeah!! She cracked me up so much. The way she said haaayer instead of hair gave me a giggle every time. I love a good hickey accent!

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Chicken Lips
Posted January 31, 2013 at 6:28 pm

When they showed Bald Knob (I think that’s what they were showing), I first thought that building said “Porn and Wedding” and not “Prom and Wedding”. Luckily the shock wore off in time for me to read it correctly.

And one more thing to ensure my permanent spot on the first class train to Hell – when they announced “Vegas” I knew I was going to see her in a few years on 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I’m simultaneously cracking myself up while being disgusted at myself.

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Sb101
Posted January 31, 2013 at 7:50 pm

I thought EB was very cute, I would have thought that she would have won a bigger title but without being there you don’t see what else is going on. Which brings me to Brooklyn, she seems like a very cute girl also and did seem to like the stage given her age. A lot of you think Amy is not all there but that could just be what they want you to think. but then again that’s why we are all commenting on people we don’t know, guess the not so reality show is still working

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TurtleGirl93
Posted February 1, 2013 at 8:01 am

@Chicken Lips, I’m glad I’m not the only one who misread the building. And yes, it was Bald Knob. I can almost guarantee that they’ll soon have a sign reading “As seen on TLC” in their window. Ahhh, those fleeting 15 minutes (err, 5seconds) of fame.

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karekare
Posted February 1, 2013 at 3:17 pm

When I saw Emma Belle my first reaction was, “wow, what a beautiful child!” She is by far the best looking child on T&T ever! AND with a normal mom.

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jen
Posted February 1, 2013 at 4:06 pm

I think “Vegas” will be working Vegas in about 13 years.

my “are you a human” code is “easy as cake.” I LOVE CAKE!

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sagittariuskim
Posted February 1, 2013 at 4:31 pm

Cake is easy? I always thought that was pie.

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Jarrodsmom
Posted February 1, 2013 at 4:56 pm

Pies good too!

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tt fan
Posted February 2, 2013 at 12:02 am

Oh my gosh this show was soooo funny
So Bella says NO like a thousand times I guess her mom can not hear! She did not want to be there, even the judge said she looked sad not sure it was sad just bored. She was pretty but I clearly think she is trying to say no. Yes the outfit was cheap but at least cute and funny. I did not really get it but still funny.
Brooklyn is freakin adorable and loved the money she won! She did something right to win that title. Her mom well she may want to do a pageants still! Like they said was pretty but really who shaves eyebrows. She was pretty clueless but whatever dad was always around to help out at least. And maybe it was all for the show who knows.
EmmaBelle is so pretty and clearly loves the stage. Her mom was nice and seamed to try and make her happy with the skirt issue. I think this girl will do pageants as long as mommy lets her she loves them and will only get better. Her pink dress was not my favorite but a good color and good gosh look at where the poor girl lives thats just a sad town

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Chicken Lips
Posted February 2, 2013 at 8:00 am

I miss Pageant Mama Drama. We either need to be “meaner” or T&T really needs to start giving us something to work with.

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Posted February 2, 2013 at 11:30 am

Bald Knob is a very small town just 20 minutes from where I live.

Did I actually hear Amy say she was frustrated with Brooklyn..\over..stuff..\ ?? WTH? That poor child is in for a very long 16 more years until she’s 18.

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Pat Ledoux
Posted February 2, 2013 at 5:22 pm

I am watching this on my DVR, didn’t see the entire show Wednesday.

I just realized who Emma Belle reminds me of- She looks like a young Lydia Cornell.

Anyone out there who knows who I’m talking about?

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Mindy
Posted February 5, 2013 at 4:13 pm