OMG, these kids suck balls! BALLS!
Well, if this Toddlers & Tiaras episode doesn’t show the sorry state of our country, I don’t know what does! I warn there is one big spoiler alert so if you don’t want to know, avert your eyes, but I need to mention it to prove my point about pageants: Standards are getting low.
What I noticed about this pageant is that ALL of the kids were awful. You know how they show all the different people competing? This must have been for first-timers, newbies, ADD kids and total tards because the kids were just terrible…they looked horribly unpolished for the most part and it was kind of surprising. Which might be reason behind the atrocity that happened during crowning.
First up is Allyson who is adorable but a little clumsy, which her mom freely admits quite a bit. In every interview she gives us. Allyson fits into the perfect kid mold because doesn’t like to practice. As a result, she does okay but not great. However, her “facial beauty” and confidence are good and the judges like her. In addition, she’s very well-mannered, polite and an overall good kid, and basically she gets robbed of what she should have won. Maybe it’s because of that creepy dad she had lurking around during the competition?
Next is Emerald (bitches, please think about what your kid is going to be when she grows up…hooker or CEO?) who comes from a Quaker family who believes everyone is equal. Now, if the Republicans have taught us anything, that means you are socialists. Also, how do pageants fit into your lives? Enjoy Hell. And next time, pick a religion you can follow without justifying why you break all of its rules. Or become Pastafarians.
Finally is Baylen, our bratacular beyotch of the episode, and her totally clueless mother. Baylen is obnoxious, rude, likes to punch and kick her mother and is totally useless onstage. Seriously, she gets onstage and does nothing! NOTHING! She doesn’t know how to walk to her marks, she fusses and tries to bolt offstage, she goes to the front of the stage and stares down the judges like she’s about to pull out a gun and kill them with no remorse. So of course, she wins the freaking grand supreme! OMG, if this doesn’t tell you how low are standards have become, I don’t know what does. Even with the other dullards and losers, she was awful. I was thoroughly convinced that she was going home empty-handed and I was going to relish that moment. How wrong I was.
The only saving grace was that our pageant director Tonya seems to be taking her thyroid meds and has learned to keep her eyes open an appropriate amount instead of bug-eyed. Good for you, honey.
Thoughts on this win? I call bullshit bigtime.
Catch up on last week’s Toddlers recap here.