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Even Peter Brady is cringing.
Rumble in the Jungle pageant in Louisville, Kentucky starts this Toddlers & Tiaras off. Kudos to the pageant director for coming up with at least something new…except the pageant director is the talent agent for two of the girls we’re following, one of which is…dun-dun-dunnn…Eden Woods! That seems fair.
This episode must have been filmed before the Eden/Mckenzie trip to Hollywood because we see Eden making her “Cutie Patootie” record (bleh). Turns out pageant director is the one who wrote it – the Gershwins, Rogers/Hart, Gilbert/Sullivan – have nothing to worry about. Eden mostly yells the lyrics instead of sings them, but she’s still sings better than I do.
The girls we meet are Isabella, who hates pageants and her mother who is completely in denial about this, Alexis whose bi-racial beauty is average at best but her good manners and enthusiasm make up for it, and Eden who brought a truckload of props with her along with her adopted grandfather who lets her shave and tan him so he can play Tarzan. It’s less dirty than it sounds.
Mickie has a total meltdown when her hair and makeup person – who looks a lot like Fransoly! – gets upset and leaves the room for the bathroom while they are getting Eden ready. Turns out she didn’t plan enough time to get Eden’s two falls ready and Eden’s hair is straight and ugly. Oops. The other kicker is that Mickie freaks because once again, she’s had to have all of Eden’s clothes shipped to the pageant. Look, I get it, I ship things to conferences all the time. What I don’t do is ship them so they get there the day of. Get organized! Mickie about has a heart attack/stroke/hysterectomy getting Eden ready and Eden almost doesn’t go on. Crisis! Averted! Way to audition your kid for a dramatic movie while on T&T, Mickie. Oh, we all know that’s what this was all about.
Alexis is a cute kid but she kind of has a boyish face and Tyra’s forehead, so what are you going to do? The family (mom and Nana) are super supportive and pretty normal, and Alexis has good manners and practices. Recapper death. However, Nana was funny when she talked about why she didn’t need to be spray-tanned. “I was born with brown skin!” Heh.
And Isabella. She’s the episode brat but in this case I will defend her: She. Hates. Pageants. She hates everything about them. EVERYTHING. She hates practicing, getting her nails done, getting makeup on, getting in a dress, being onstage and…the mother that forces her into this. It’s really kind of sad how much mom, who was a pageant girl, pushes her into this. She gets really angry with her Isabella and Isabella punches her in the back. Good times.
Having your talent agent as the pageant director pays off…SPOILER ALERT…despite the straight hair, Eden wins ultimate grand supreme with cherries on top, Alexis wins mini-supreme, and Isabella goes home with a princess crown in her category. T&T interviews angry mothers who didn’t know Eden would be there (which I doubt; Mickie and the agent would have promo’d that all day every day) and were mad that the talent agent threw the pageant so her clients would win. I think they are half right – even a judge said that the directors play a big part in who wins, but Isabella was not great. I’ll be curious to everyone’s opinion on this one.
To catch up on last week’s recap while you wait for this week’s, click here.