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Toddlers & Tiaras MiniCap
Toddlers and Tiaras
Even Peter Brady is cringing.
Rumble in the Jungle pageant in Louisville, Kentucky starts this Toddlers & Tiaras off. Kudos to the pageant director for coming up with at least something new…except the pageant director is the talent agent for two of the girls we’re following, one of which is…dun-dun-dunnn…Eden Woods! That seems fair.
This episode must have been filmed before the Eden/Mckenzie trip to Hollywood because we see Eden making her “Cutie Patootie” record (bleh). Turns out pageant director is the one who wrote it – the Gershwins, Rogers/Hart, Gilbert/Sullivan – have nothing to worry about. Eden mostly yells the lyrics instead of sings them, but she’s still sings better than I do.
The girls we meet are Isabella, who hates pageants and her mother who is completely in denial about this, Alexis whose bi-racial beauty is average at best but her good manners and enthusiasm make up for it, and Eden who brought a truckload of props with her along with her adopted grandfather who lets her shave and tan him so he can play Tarzan. It’s less dirty than it sounds.
Mickie has a total meltdown when her hair and makeup person – who looks a lot like Fransoly! – gets upset and leaves the room for the bathroom while they are getting Eden ready. Turns out she didn’t plan enough time to get Eden’s two falls ready and Eden’s hair is straight and ugly. Oops. The other kicker is that Mickie freaks because once again, she’s had to have all of Eden’s clothes shipped to the pageant. Look, I get it, I ship things to conferences all the time. What I don’t do is ship them so they get there the day of. Get organized! Mickie about has a heart attack/stroke/hysterectomy getting Eden ready and Eden almost doesn’t go on. Crisis! Averted! Way to audition your kid for a dramatic movie while on T&T, Mickie. Oh, we all know that’s what this was all about.
Alexis is a cute kid but she kind of has a boyish face and Tyra’s forehead, so what are you going to do? The family (mom and Nana) are super supportive and pretty normal, and Alexis has good manners and practices. Recapper death. However, Nana was funny when she talked about why she didn’t need to be spray-tanned. “I was born with brown skin!” Heh.
And Isabella. She’s the episode brat but in this case I will defend her: She. Hates. Pageants. She hates everything about them. EVERYTHING. She hates practicing, getting her nails done, getting makeup on, getting in a dress, being onstage and…the mother that forces her into this. It’s really kind of sad how much mom, who was a pageant girl, pushes her into this. She gets really angry with her Isabella and Isabella punches her in the back. Good times.
Having your talent agent as the pageant director pays off…SPOILER ALERT…despite the straight hair, Eden wins ultimate grand supreme with cherries on top, Alexis wins mini-supreme, and Isabella goes home with a princess crown in her category. T&T interviews angry mothers who didn’t know Eden would be there (which I doubt; Mickie and the agent would have promo’d that all day every day) and were mad that the talent agent threw the pageant so her clients would win. I think they are half right – even a judge said that the directors play a big part in who wins, but Isabella was not great. I’ll be curious to everyone’s opinion on this one.
To catch up on last week’s recap while you wait for this week’s, click here.
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78 Comments
Ok I thought I was going a bit Cra-Cra last night! When Eden said, “I am Eden and I am 5 years old”……I was like, wait, no you are not! In the season opener you said that you were 6, and I saw you “perform” your “song” on Hollywood Blvd with the rest of the nation. And Besides, they aired that episode an hour before this one! Thanks TLC, Thanks for fracking up the timeline, bitches!
Also, don’t these moms look to see who would be competeing? I noticed that Savanah’s mom was Alexis’s pageant coach….I was so waiting for Isabella to punch her mom in the face!! Sure she was a bit of a brat this episode, but I think she had every right to be. She totes does not want to be in pageants! She will fight to the end. I think it will take mom getting 2 black eyes, or maybe 20 before she realizes that her child does not want to be in a pageant…I did not like Eden’s Jungle performance. It was bleh…I don’t think she should have won Grand! Oh and Mickie, if you spend 100K on pageants, why oh why do you still have pannel walls up in your house? You drive nice cars, but you can’t fix up your house….I just want to slap her. Hard. Then I would kick her in her box! When Eden was standing there in her purple dress, the look on her face was sad. I honestly think, that she is done. I think she just figured out, that her mom is making her do it all….it is not for her, she just figured out, it is all for her mom….
Speaking of people looking like Fransoly, wasn’t that her and Dianely on the stage for one of the crownings? Or am I just still so traumatized by that episode that I’m seeing things?
I watched the episode and was even there at the pageant. My daughter competed but did not win a high title. I thought the pageant was very fair and everyone got what they deserved. Eden did an outstanding routine and Alexis was awesome also. Both are beautiful girls. As far as Isabella I have to agree… she hates pageants and her mom acted like a real B**** at the pageant. They didn’t show everything either.. she was awful to Isabella and Isabella treated her like she was a nobody. Her hair and makeup was a hot mess! She only got princess out of her group which is pretty much a token gift. She won nothing!!!
I absolutely hated Isabella’s mom, and how she wouldn’t stop complaining. Your kid didn’t lose because the pageant was unfair, she lost because SHE DID TERRIBLE ON STAGE. And she hates pageants.
The director Heather Ryan did promote Eden would be there, as a special guest to sing asong and try to sell (AKA get rid of) her dolls but would not compete. She posted she wasn’t competeing everywhere-facebook, etc. But of course she did compete. No one was shocked she was there, just that she competed.
Thats why the majority of the girls competing were little brand new girls who are T and T fans just wanted to meet some of the stars of T and T and try their first pageant.
Eden has won a real pageant in years, so I guess her agent/director thought that it would be good publicity to see Eden a pageant besides Universal Royalty.
I know several big name pageant kid were refused entry into this pageant, because Heather Ryan told them this was a pageant for newbies to introduce them to pageants…lol yea right.
It was sad. The only kids Eden can beat now are newbies.
My mouth-dropping moment in this episode was Mickie’s reaction to the win. That might be the most embarrassing thing I have ever had to watch. She’s been going around all the US network talk shows defending how ‘this is all for Eden and she wants it so bad’ but then THIS is how she acts when her daughter wins world champion (or whatever the stupid name is)? Ummmm, she just ruined all the convincing she just did. Clearly, it’s all about her. Can’t wait to read what you have to say!
Yep, that was Fransoly doing Eden’s hair and makeup. I loved how Micki referred to her as “the hair and makeup help”, and then made Fransoly cry by berating her on national TV. Payback’s a bitch, eh, Fransoly?
You’re correct, Isabella was not great. But they did show her leaving the stage after group pictures with a much bigger (read: Supreme size) crown at the end. And knowing how TLC stages and distorts actual events, I don’t believe for a minute that Isabella was just a princess.
They spray tanned an AFRICAN-AMERICAN child.
Man, you think you’ve seen it all, and then…
World champion?! You’re a small local pageant with no international competitors, how the $#@% does that make you a WORLD competition?!
TO THE “VIEWER” POSTER, SINCE YOU SAY YOU WERE THERE, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN ISABELLA WINNING BEAUTY SUPREME. I LOVE DUMBASSES AND LIARS. YES THAT WAS FRANSOLY AND DIANELY. LOTS OF SCENES WERE STAGED, FACT. ISABELLA ACTUALLY LIKES PAGEANTS, BUT THEY DIDN’T SHOW HER PLAYING WITH THE OTHER KIDS AND BEING VERY POLITE, MY CHILD WAS PLAYING WITH HER ALSO. SHE ALSO WOULD STAND AND CHEER FOR OTHER KIDS. YOUR DELUSIONAL AND YOU ARE PROBABLY SOMEONE AFFILIATED WITH THE RYAN MAFIA. ALEXIS WAS ALSO WELL BEHAVED WITHOUT MUCH INCIDENT. IT’S A SHOW PEOPLE. ISABELLA DOESN’T EVEN GO TO SALONS! LOL IT WAS ALL JUST FOR A SCENE. LOL LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE
TYPO, “YOU’RE” HA
sorry, read it wrong you were NOT there, you just watched the staged fiasco on television
hi dearcrabby btw lol
Looks better on the resume to say Eden is a “world champion” even if it’s in a trifling pageant that seems to have been custom-made to pad said resume. A fat lot of good it will do her; seriously, in a fight between who I’d rather hear caterwaul I was being tortured, Rebecca Black or Eden Wood, in four hours I’d be singing “It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday…” after going insane from listening to RB for three hours and fifty-five minutes more than is humanly decent. Hell, at least it’s better than “Cutie Patootie”. Gak!
Sounds like someone (viewer) has a taste of the sour grapes! Nah, Eden looked bad, sounded bad, and mama was a joke.
I wanna see Ni-Ni! that Ni-Ni is a hard working lady!
It did seem staged, I thought. Eden looked so…artificial on stage, like a little puppet doll. I really don’t get what’s so great about her. Alexis’ mom was practically gushing about Eden. Alexis looked into it (and how cute was she in that red dress?!). Isabella’s mom was a bitch but I would have agreed with her, but she should have known that stuff a head of time, therefore saving herself time and money! She really has no one to blame but herself.
Then again, why on Earth do I care? Damnit, I’m addicted to this stupid show…
Was anyone else creeped out by Tarzan? I was so creeped out when she was shaving him! It looked like he had an erection when Eden was spray tanning him!
Since seeing Sammi Jo’s mom, all I keep hearing in my head is sing-song, “Sammi Jo Grace, Miss America.”
I thought Isabella’s hair was rather off…there were some big sculpted curls, then just tracks that seem to arch over the rest…like they should have been curls but just wouldn’t go.
Isabella’s mother may indeed be correct that the pageant was fixed. But I can’t imagine any pageant where Isabella would have done better. She clearly hates competing, did not do well, and strikes out at her mother physically. It was disturbing and her Mom’s “mean voice” was scary.
NWMTV, it was pretty amazing and stupid that Alexis was tanned. Her mother had obviously already visited the spray tanning salon…went a little too far.
Mickie was absurd. In a pageant run by Eden’s agent, with the only sets,Eden’s lavish costumes, assistants scurrying about, Mickie tried to convince us that it was a true competition, with Eden’s ultimate victory deserving of world champion status. Ridiculous! I don’t blame the other mothers for being angry. They and their daughters were used as a star vehicle for Eden. As Eden ages, her patootie isn’t looking quite as cute.
ISABELLA- was a miserable child! Not cute.No talent!!! Awful on stage! AND THE MOM- is an ugly bitch! Don’t fool yourself! You were NOT a pageant princess!! uuuuuh. That way she talked with her bucky teeth. Bad attitude, negative, low class bitch!
@karen-tell us how you really feel!!
I am beginning to think that the black clothing with hot pink and zebra trim is what causes these children to act out, must be something in the fabric. Or perhaps living an in oatmeal colored home with a hot pink bedroom. Honestly has there been a show with a well behaved child living in a pepto bismol themed room? All that pink would make me act out.
Couldn’t finish watching the show…Mickie was just too much. She is a complete puke.
TO I WAS THERE—ISABELLA HATED PRACTICING*PICTURES*MAKEUP*THAT CHILD WAS SLAPPING HER IDIOT MOM! THE CHILD WAS CLEARLY MISERABLE!
I am pretty sure that “IWASTHERE”is Isabella’s mom! Let that child be a child!
And they’re off…….
@Iwasthere, what the hell is the Ryan Mafia? Anyone? Anyone?
Hi Everyone! Just wanted to thank ya’ll for such awesome commenting to supplement what may just be the most hilarious recapping ever! I don’t even have to watch the show anymore (unless I’m drunk and then I seem to really enjoy it….)Instead I just haunt this site like the ghost of some pagent girls long lost childhood. I appreciate that, since DH would give me strange looks when he came across T&T in the DVR. Maybe because we dont have kids. Anyway….A million thanks and one Grand Supreme Being Hawaiian Pizza Extra Cheeese Crown (With matching Zebra Striped Sparkle Sash) to all for your excellence in recapping and commenting. Except for to the haters.
Did anyone else catch the statement at the chiropractor’s office from the grandma, “I’ve been bringing her here since she was 5 or 6 months old.” WHO THE HELL TAKES AN INFANT FOR AN “ADJUSTMENT”??!
When they find Isabella’s mother dead from a princess crown impaled through her eye, all Isabella will need to do is play this episode for the jury.
Alexis’ mom kept saying over and over and over how beautiful Alexis’ is. She is?????????? Sorry, I didn’t see it!
@Marijai-you make me laugh!! That statement is so true!
DearCrabby, I can’t wait for the full recap!
TO “fatgirlsrule”— Oh Please don’t mention Ni NI!!!! OMG I will have nightmares of that little monster child.
“I wanna cra-ooooooooown! Just a little Cra-ooooooown!”
OK- so no one else was creeped out by tarzan?????
Creepy indeed. I won’t be surprised if there is a “Cutie Patootie’s Shave n’ Tan” franchise is in the works. I will keep a look out for one inside my local Wal-Mart.
What was the point in shaving and tanning Tarzan?? that was very disturbing to watch
The shaving and tanning of Tarzan’s lizard-white belly was gross. It was also not necessary to assault us that way, because his jungle costume covered his stomach. Ewwwwwwwwww!
Alexis without the glitz was a normal looking little girl. Isabella hares doing pagents and you can tell. I so tired of Eden and crazy mother. I think Alexis should have won the Ultra Supreme Meat Lovers with free buffloe wings, I thought her overall perfomance was better than Eden’s. Explain to me why ‘Tarzan’ required.a full body shave and tan when only his arms anx legs were out. The entire ‘Grandpa’ gets tanned and shaved BY Eden was creepy, maybe if he was a blood relative or someone we’ve seen while watching Eden all these years………..he is new at least to me. BTW, my goofy Dad(dy) let me shave his furry(wayyyyyy pass hairy) arms when I complained about them when I was Round 6.
You know, maybe it’s just my period talking, but I thought Mickie Wood (who I used to hate) really cute when she told Eden they could just go home. She really looked like she meant it.
Where is Eden’s dad? Have we seen him before? I want to think i have seen glimpses of him here and there but damnes if i can recall any specific scenes.
All I could think throughout this entire episode was how deluded Isabella’s mom was. What a crazy freak. That child was awful on stage, she looked horrible, and had no spark of personality at ALL!!! Her mom kept commenting that her daughter would be in for a supreme title, and I was seriously thinking, “Is she even watching her child?”
Oh and someone please explain the Peter Brady reference on the first photo – I am clearly not smart enough to figure that out tonight.
Is the next episode the last of the season? Anyone know?
And yes, shaving the old guy was the closest to child porn I EVER want to get. The sight of her idiot mother standing there giggling while her 5-year-old daughter shaves around some old guy’s naval was probably what sent me over the edge, causing me to just turn off the tv. That woman is beyond help.
DearCrabby – you need to organize a live viewing party! And by live viewing party I mean live-as-you-are-watching-it-from-your-DVR. I will call off work and go where ever – I’m 1/2 an hour from an airport and within a two hour drive of 3 others and I’m ready to go. So many comments that lose something when no one is listening to them!
1) If I were Mickie, I’d fire the person that left the stripper pole at home for her jungle routine – she’ll need all the practice she can get for later in life. Disgusting old men don’t make it rain for girls that don’t practice!
2) Isabella had no personality on the stage. I’m not trying to make fun of little kids, I’m thinking it’s just a consequence of not wanting to do pageants. She was pretty excited about seeing her dad(?) while she was on her stage, so she’s probably normal.
3) Mickie – stop living vicariously through your kid, man. Was it really necessary for you to go on stage when she won? Oh yeah, I forgot – you are a fame whore. My bad – carry on. You almost had me believing that you really would go home if Eden didn’t want to do it. Because I have news for you – she didn’t.
4) I could have sworn I saw Baylen in the audience, but then I realized they called that girl Kaylee or Kaylen (or something similar), and that she didn’t give the dead eyed fish stare, so now I’m thinking it wasn’t her.
5) @RedHeadJen – “Cutie Patootie’s Shave n’ Tan” at the local Wal-Mart – HILAROIUS!
First off, the shaving of the old guy was super creepy especially since she was focusing below the belly button and way to close to naughty bits. And Mickie was loving it. Wonder if “grampa” is footing some of the pageant bills? Everyone was told that Eden would be there for signings but would not be competing and then there she goes prancing out on stage. Pissed a lot of people off. Her routines are stiff, her hair and makeup was horrible, yet she still won the highest title. Isabella got beauty supreme so I don’t know why they made it look like she only got princess and nothing else. And while I do believe this whole thing was just an Eden showcase put on by HR, Isabella’s mom is crazy to think her daughter should have won the high title. She said she did her daughter’s hair and makeup herself so it would be perfect. That child was a hot mess and did horrible on stage. And yes, that was Fransoly. If you look at her facebook page she is getting in good with Mickie and Eden. There are more pictures of her and Eden then of her and her own daughter. I guess since her daughter wants to do something like the Olympics instead of pageants she wants to pretend Eden is her own. It also did not show the screaming match that went on in the ballroom. Too bad TLC, that would have gotten some good ratings.
@tiredmom
Peter Brady was on The Brady Bunch many years ago and the kids in the family thought they were great singers and made a record. Peter’s
voice starting changing so they had to change the song. Eden’s voice is even worse. Just google “Time to Change Brady Bunch” to hear it.
Sha-na-na-na-na!
This episode was so off putting. Mickie Wood should be locked away so we don’t have to watch her anymore. I like to see Whoopie Goldburgs’ face and attitude when this duo appears on The View. Short of cussing her out Whoopie resorts to not speakng, rolling her eyes, and pleading with the audience to get her the hell away with her body launguage and eyes. Much like the home viewer of T&T. This show pissed me off because it was so out of the timeline of what we know to be factual. And If the network rally wanted to give us a show to talk about they would give us a true documentary following the abuse we get a glimps of every week. The crap these little girls go through with hot irons, glue, spackle, chemical additives to make them hyper, and screaming parents should not be over looked.
And Karen… how many times ARE you going to comment?
I have one word for Isabella’s mom – SPANX
@June… Thanks – I was quite a fan of the Brady Bunch so I wanted to be clear on the reference – thanks for the clarification.
@Pagentmama….Sorry but I need proof on Isabella’s so called Beauty Grand Supreme title. How is that even possible? Like others have said, when I saw that girl on stage my first words were, “She is a hot mess!!” Not the child’s fault – that horrible disgusting mother’s fault.
Tired mom. Isabella won something more than the little crown her mother so pleasently placed back on the stage. She is shown in the final credit montage of photos at the end of the show in a foot tall crown standing on stage with all the other winners. If by taking the priness crown in her age bracket means she was not allowed to have another title I call BALK. TLC either mislead us completely or Isabella borrowed a crown to get on that stage.
One of you pagent mom’s must know the scoop.. fill us in please.
GIFFORDSAZ- As many times as I ficken want!
Don’t like it, don’t read it, you dumb ass!
Give a bitch enough rope……
and you know………………..
GIFFORDSAZ-
*pleasantly* *princess* *glimpse* *really*
Seriously, anyone dumb enough to pay good money to enter their child in a pageant run by Eden’s agent deserves whatever they get. This is the equivalent of pouring hot coffee on your crotch and blaming McDonalds for not warning you it was hot…and Mickie is a teacher? That is one scary thought!
They hang themselves anytime they ficken want!….
@pageantmama … “It also did not show the screaming match that went on in the ballroom. Too bad TLC, that would have gotten some good ratings.”
________________________________________________________
Ooooh … What does this mean? Was there a screaming match? Please do tell!
Isabella got beauty supreme which is based on facial beauty ONLY. So her hair and attitude did not matter. For beauty awards judges are instructed to draw a box around the face and ignore hair, dress, whatever and judge on facial beauty only. Yes there was a screaming match in the ballroom. Unfortunately I was not in there at the time, can’t remember what I was off doing, but I caught the tail end of it. A friend of mine witnessed the whole thing, maybe I can get her to come on here and lay out the dirty details, lol.
Yes…details, please, pageantmama!
I too saw the shot of Isabella at the end with the huge crown, so it was obvious that she had won something else that TLC didn’t show. Still, I didn’t find the kid cute at all so I have no idea how she won beauty supreme.
@StrangelyEnough – I didn’t believe that Mickey’s whole “we can go home” crap was real. The way Eden started laughing at the end made me wonder if the whole thing was a set up for the cameras. Even if it wasn’t, I would bet my salary that Mickey wouldn’t let her leave.
Mickey Woods is a drama teacher. That explains a lot! lol
I didn’t believe Mickie would take Eden home any more than I believed Eden’s tantrum. It looked so staged and at the end Eden starts laughing. Give me a break.
I’ve been watching this show for years and I can safely say watching Eden shave “popsy” was the worst thing I’ve ever seen on this show. All the bootie, pardon me, tushy shaking in the world doesn’t match watching a 5 year old shaving an adult male’s belly and waistline.
Where is child protective services when you need them?
Team Giff
Team Karen!!
You tell ‘em Karen! And don’t forget:
*off-putting* *Whoopie GoldBERG* *speaking* *glimpse* *overlooked* *misled* *pageant* *moms* (apostrophe-free…)
I could never figure out what English majors did after college…now I know they come onto recap sites and correct commenters’ spelling and grammar. At least they have a purpose…
If you’re going to correct one, correct them all. What an exciting weekend you have in store.
(The Angel and Devil on my shoulders are fighting…should I or shouldn’t I…)
Karen, at the end of one of your comments “…over how beautiful Alexis’ is.” should not have an apostrophe because it is not a possessive at that point. People in glass houses, dear…
(Looks like the Devil won. Since I’m neither an English major nor a grammarian, for me to see those means that Karen really has no business commenting on other people’s spelling, grammar or typing mistakes.)
Bring on the full recap – I can’t wait!
Just watched this episode “on demand” again. I cant control myself, I HAVE to watch this train wreck! is there any help for me?
Was this the season finale? I hope not – kind of a crappy end to a season.
I love your spelling Giff!
Thank you Beautiful Person!
Who knew it was such an issue.
But I love my spelling too.
I love my spelling to.
I love my spelling two.
Pick your posion
Pick you’re posion.
GRAMMAR WARS!!!!!!!!
I HAVE CAPS LOCK.
To think, you have to worry about grammar and whatnot on a snark site. Welp Grammar Police you will have to lock me away and throw away the key, not only do I misspell wurds my punctuation is always off?;.
Ha, what is this caps lock that you speak of?
Ha, who is this Pegster I see.
Miss you Pegster.
Tell her Karen! Giffordaz is a retard.
I was wondering if anyone was going to point out gifs spelling mistakes.