Keeping with the theme of how pageants are really for the mothers, Toddlers & Tiaras gives us some great mother-against-mother action (if they could just get them to cage-fight…). This week we see the Southern Celebrity: Fairytale Winter Pageant held in my favorite solid-gold capped capital, Charleston, West Virginia. Joining us are Pageant Director Maxine of the straight hair and Emcee Betty of the dressing more age-appropriately.
We meet the West Virginia girl, Ava, who has been competing since she was 14 months old. She’s really cute, has a healthy ego and her mom is pretty normal. She doesn’t like to practice, sucks when she does (how hard it is to hold a tray full of fake food straight while you twirl?) but onstage does a very nice job. She had loads of hair that would seriously kill for but that turns out to be a problem – even with a judge who is a hair stylist that loves 80s hair and is currently sporting a Flock of Seagulls of his own.
The other two contestants are from Ohio and the first one is Alaska from a few episodes ago. Basically her mother seemed to prefer her “bi-racial” son (although what race, it’s hard to tell since the Dad just looks Italian) but now that Alaska is kicking it, she prefers that winner. Alaska’s ego seems to have grown a wee bit too big, but she practices, has great stage presence, great costumes, great routines and let’s face it, she’s blonde and blue-eyed. Turns out once we saw her win, she started crankin’ out the supreme titles left and right.
Her “competition” is Gabby, and I put that in quotes because this pageant is Gabby’s 13th and her ego is way too healthy for a newbie. She is convinced she’s going to beat Alaska and that’s all there is to it. Despite how cute she is, she is cute…not quite the pageant glitz whole package that Alaska is. Despite a rude comment from Alaska’s mom about the color of Gabby’s dress (it’s fuschia, for God’s sake – love it!) she looks great, but it’s her winterwear costume that causes the most heartburn for the judges. In addition, she really has no enthusiasm or spark on the stage – I think it will come in time, but right now it’s like looking at a pretty stack of books on a shelf. Just not a lot of dimension.
The real story, however, is that Alaska’s mom and Gabby’s mom were mature enough to start having online fights – you know how Facebook can be with these pageant moms – to the point where before the pageant even starts, Maxine calls the both of them to the principal’s office and tells them she doesn’t want them fighting at the pageant, she wants them to let the girls settle this onstage. The production company does something new – lets all three mothers sit together to discuss the pageant. When Alaska’s mom and Gabby’s mom snot off at one another Ava’s mom’s eyes open wide, she kind of slinks down in her chair and gives us the “Them’s bitches is a little cray-cray” look that tells us she’s more grounded in reality than most moms.
Will a fist fight break out? Probably just online once the results are in. No spoiler alerts again – I was disappointed for one girl, found the judging correct on the other two based on performance. I’ll have the recap up as soon as I can – thanks for reading and commenting!