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Toddlers & Tiaras Minicap: Honey Boo-Boo Child!
Toddlers and Tiaras
Thursday, January 5, 2012
12:39 pm
282 Comments
Hoooly shit, this was a great episode of Toddlers & Tiaras and had so much to make fun of I actually needed migraine pills when I was done watching because the jokes came just that fast Thatswhatshesaid! Where to begin?
Well, we’re mostly in Georgia and folks, I weep for the future AND the present. You think Candy-Ass butchered the English language, THESE PEOPLE all needed captioning at one time or another (and I actually had to turn mine on because I couldn’t understand what half these toothless, blubbery hilljacks were saying to the camera.
Let’s start with Laci, our diva-licious little brat who screams like a horror-movie victim and really does not like pageants if her behavior at them is any indication. She gets pissed at her mother for telling her not to squirm around too much, then “disappears” (why would you let a little girl get away from you at a beauty pageant?). Turns out she went to granny to tell her to get her mother to treat her better. Oh, she does, when she tries to safety-pin RAW MEAT (is that venison?) to a bikini (so they could use less meat than Lady Gaga’s dress). Unfortunately, the meat is cold, bloody and “touching” Laci, so they change costumes, put her in a Total Package Glitz Coffin™ and put her onstage where she rolls out of the coffin and does a half-assed routine. Sucks to be you.
Our stripper-in-training-because-of-her-name Heaven is pretty cute, does a great job, but the real treat is her parents who couldn’t form a grammatically correct sentence if they tried. From, “I’m gonna stick you,” (beat you with a stick) to “She done it but good,” it’s hard to believe these people could even find jobs. The upside to this family is that they really love their kid and it’s very obvious they enjoy pageants, are not super-crazy in their pursuit of a crown.
But the best part of the show is Alana and her crazy-ass extreme couponing mother June. We meet them as they are throwing tons of paper towels and toilet-paper at each other, mostly because the quantity they have in their kitchen is smothering them. June says she extreme coupons to save money for pageants – hey, more power to ya. When you walk out of a store with $300 worth of stuff for twenty seven cents, that’s actually amazing. Of course, will you need 500 pounds of cumin? I’m not so sure. Speaking of 500 pounds, June may not be jackin’ it to diabetes like Connie from last week…because June is diabetes’ MOTHER SHIP. God, the amount of burn victims that quantity of flappin’ skin is infinity.
Alana is absolutely hilarious, totally looks like a flapper from the 1930s and says “Honey Boo-Boo Child!” a couple of times. She also has a meltdown when her mother yells at her, does a Daisy Duke and makes faces with her bare belly (you can hear the production team cracking up when she makes her belly button “talk”), and talks about winning MOOOOOONNNNNEEEYYY through the whole thing.
**SPOILER ALERT** if I can still remember from this morning (work is really getting in the minicap way today, dammit)…Alana’s family is absolutely thrilled – and I’m not kidding – about her winning third runner up. That’s like when the supreme pizza arrives at your house and all the cheese is stuck to the cardboard lid and that stupid plastic thing in the middle is missing. But they said it’s better than last time when she only got a participation award (is that China laughing? Because watch out for the forthcoming tsunami, West Coast!). Laci wins Supreme Personality which is just a way to say she’s fat, and Heaven wins ultimate supreme (was it grand? Did they have a grand? Man, I really need to stop drinking at work). Anyway, there were so many wonderful things about this episode, I can’t wait to recap.
Until then check out the previous full recaps and minicaps – and the crazy pageant parents who test us! To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!
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282 Comments
All three of the featured girls and their parents are goldmines of pure snark. Been a long time since we’ve seen an episode of such high quality. Looking forward to the full recap, Dear Crabby.
June wins my Lifetime Ultimate Grand Nacho Supreme award for facial ugliness. Her facial expressions are mean and nasty, almost as hard to stomach as the “Hoarders” promos showing vermin. Eeeeeuuuuuwwwww. June’s coupon ‘savings’ would be better spent on bariatric surgery for her or dentures for dad.
I actually watched the episode last night (usually I just read the recaps) while alone in my room and was busted by three family members.
Hubby walking by: Whatcha watching?
Me: Bad TV.
16 y/o daughter who was so horrified she had to sit and watch a bit with me: Mom, thank you for never putting me in a pageant.
Me: You’re welcome.
13 y/o daughter walked in 10 minutes later, also horrified: Mom, thanks for never putting me in a pageant.
Me: You’re welcome.
I have to say, for an extreme couponer and being grossly overweight June’s house was quite clean. Someone needs to talk to June about her weight and I’m not snarking or anything, her weigh is frightening!!!! I know it’s bad(once again I think fart jokes are hilarious) but all I could think was……how does he find it? I did not think Alana was cute she was the other word that I will not say(the opposite of pretty)…today. Momma dun trained her up good thar…to be a stripper. I have never watched a show where the entire cast were Americans and they had to provide sub-titles. Were Heavens parents speaking English? What the hell do these men do for a living, where can you work and not need to use the English language?
What the heck was june saying, something about shake it smoothie? smoochie? show the belly? I frickin died! All of the moves Juney was doing, wowsers! again, I died. I actually hoped that she would be slightly embarrassed when she watched it, oy
My stomach hurts from laughing so hard while watching this episode. All the families were redneck hicks with bad grammar. Heaven’s trailer home and Alana’s dad’s lack of teeth and need for captioning just added insult to injury. I never get disgusted by people, but Alana’s Mount Everest size mom was just repulsive. Alana wasn’t that attractive, her personality not cute and she shouldn’t be shaking her belly, because it just emphasized she is well on the way to being a body double for the diabete’s mother ship. If anyone says anything bad about her kid Mount Everest said she was going to beat the shit out of them, so I am waiting to get my much skinnier butt kicked by that disgusting woman. I have always wouldn’t one save more money if they didn’t spend all of the earnings on an 85th bottle of Tide? I don’t see why they coupon. If you buy one or two bottles of something at a time, that is a lot cheaper than buying 50 bottles of something that is just going to sit there. So I don’t understand how they end up saving money by buying more crap. And Sugar Bear, for the love of all that is holy, by the looks of your family the last thing that you all need is bacon and sausage, maybe get something like lettuce instead. Another gross scene was when Alana was practicing at the school and Mount Everest was demonstrating to Alana how to shake her belly. Seriously Mount Everest, for the sake of humanity never ever do that again! Thanks to you I practically vomited the chinese food and diet coke I was savoring. I am now scarred for life.
Heaven’s mom seriously sounded like a hick. I couldn’t stand her voice. Seriously every single one of these people has atrocious grammar. I have friends who are non-native English speakers who were born and raised abroad whose English is better than these hilljacks. These people made me fear for the future of America.
There was also so much wrong with Laci. When she was eating chocolate, I actually thought she was possessed. She reminded me of the girl in The Exorcist with those screams and that crawling all over the floor. Laci is a spoiled rotten brat too. And that meat bikini was nasty.
These hicks really did a good job reenforcing all of the negative stereotypes of the south. I know that not all Southerners are uneducated rednecks, but seriously “you country folk ain’t giving your part of the country a really good image. By the way, I never use the word ain’t. I detest the word ain’t since it makes people sound dumb and uneducated.
I read the recaps, but do not watch the show. Was Laci’s mom literally trying to make her daughter wear a meat covered bikini? Is this show on demand b/c I feel like I MUST watch it when I go home tonight!!!
Oh Clair my 6 year old watched an episode with me and asks be to put in a pageant, I decided to be honest I’ve never heard of them in our city;)
Thankfully she hasn’t mentioned it again, but she hasn’t seen another episode of T&T. My television doesn’t turn to that channel anymore while she is awake. Now if TLC offered my family[insert college education here], I can say we might fake a few temper tantrums.
My mom and dad moved to Virginia a few years ago (I’m orginally from upstate NY). Some of their friends sound pretty weird, but I wonder what I sound like to THEM. When I leave, they’re probably like:
“What the hell was that boy going on about??”
“I dunno, but I doubt it was anything very smart.”
You can get it for 1.99$ on iTunes which is what I did. I am currently living in Turkey where I go to graduate school so getting the episodes in iTunes is my only way to feed my addiction to this train-wreck of a show.
@ Moli: Give birth to a child that will only grow to be 12 inches tall, or one that has his/her legs fused into a fish tail, and TLC will drive a dump truck full of money to your door. Know that.
@J-Nut, I was totally thinking that June looked like the woman who was on Hoarding: Buried Alive where they had millions of cockroaches and tons of maxi-pads all over the house! Yeah, I almost threw up watching it.
@Moli – you are right, that house was spotless! Probably because of all the paper towels!
NWMTV oh I know, TLC is the channel to watch for multiple children, short children, tall children, children that are pregnant with their own twins(that shyt was gross). I watch TLC so I remember that my family is normal
No kidding about TLC – although the funny thing is that All-American Muslim actually shows real people with real problems…hence, it is so FREAKIN’ boring! If I want to watch people complain about their everyday lives and silly problems, I’ll carry a mirror around with me all day!
TO CLAIR-
Blaaaaahaaaa! I love it! My husband walks in while I watch it and shakes his head back and forth while saying “Why are you always this if you can’t stand it?” It’s my guilty pleasure! I can’t look away once it’s on!
DearCrabby you have to tell the wondrous Flipit to guard all of us well. Candice was bad enough, but Alana’s mother looked a little too comfortable with that baseball bat. What nerve, issuing threats even before we have had a chance to snark! She’s the type to not stop at keying an enemy’s car or putting flaming poop on the porch. She’ll hurt my dog, boil my bunny, and that’s just for starters.
I swear I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
One, I have to say I love that hillbilly Mama was the one that pointed out that Energy drinks are bad for kids and she won’t give Heaven one.
Also I think June needed all that deodorant to keep her fat folds dry!
How did I miss the trailer park. This is the best episode ever!
1 thing you might’ve noticed in this episode is there wasn’t a lot of diversity. Not just of the main 1s but the whole pageant. That wasn’t a coincidence.
You also might’ve noticed some other kind of odd things about them but you can’t quite figure out what it is? That wasn’t a coincidence either.
1st of all, if you ever think you might want to go to that part of the world, if you got ancestors that came from anywhere besides 1 certain part of Europe, go visit someplace else for safety reasons.
That wasn’t just “Georgia.” That was south Georgia and I don’t mean Savannah.
Some of the people we were watching this this week were swamp people.
And I bet all of them had at least some swamp blood.
Because of TV etc they might know about stuff like Lady Ga Ga and coupons and how to Bedazzle but in their own way, swamp people still keep old ways just as much as if they lived in the most remote tiny village in Uttar Pradesh or Balochistan.
And all of them don’t have TV and know about Lady Ga Ga. We got to see the modern and upscale 1s. I think it was Lacy, even her grandma you could tell had come up out of the swamp a while ago.
But I promise you every one of this week’s families have great grandmas and/or cousins that the people we saw on the show have a hard time explaining what a pageant is to them.
Anyway, I have to think about this for a while, because the 1st thing I thought was that this time TLC took being exploitative up to a whole new level.
@DearCrabby just so you don’t get it twisted, your minicap made me LMAO but I also couldn’t help feeling a little bad for laughing so much.
Don’t worry though. I’ll probably get over it by the time the regular 1 gets up.
Hi Clair – hahahahahahaha!! I also have two girls and NO WAY would I put them in pageants. Those people are nuts.
Can someone tell me where these coupling people GET the coupons?? I’ve never understood that. They must buy or steal them. Even if you bought every Sunday paper out there, there just aren’t that many coupons. And Alana’s mother has more tinfoil than I’ll ever use in my entire life.
Why the long face, June?
First up……Alana and her belly puppet followed by Laci demonstrating the proper way to display a meat bikini and we conclude with Heaven and her chaw.
You can not make this up. Who would believe it?
Dear June;
Jaba the hut called me this morning and he is suing you for ripping off his look.
Heaven seemed like a nice enough little girl and she did well at the pageant so it pains me to say this… the name and the affinity for gum snapping almost certainly guarantees her a life on the pole. But on the bright side at least they didn’t name her Neveah. And Alana and her mama… sweet Jesus on a biscuit, there are no words.
Marmy: you are genius! After all the reading amusement, you actually made me scream with laughter! Totally excellent!!
I just found Alana to be a really annoying, gross child. I thought she was ugly pretty much inside and out. But her mother… did anyone else notice that sort of dead, blank stare she had at the end of every phrase? It was sort of creepy. And I thought her 4th chin was going to eat her face.
Gosh, I’m feeling snippy today!
Dear Crabby….I never saw that episode of Hoarders but I pray to God that those maxi pads you speak of were unused!!!
Alana was the homliest child I’ve ever seen on the show and her mother was absolutely repulsive. Laci was a brat and Heaven was sweet but destined to continue the cycle of trailer-park living as she gets older. Poor kid.
From the looks of Alanas hair-don’t, June has a shitload of coupons for Ogilvie Home Perm kits.
Did anyone else think Joy from My Name is Earl when we met Heaven’s mom in the pigtails shot? The accent was spot-on
Was it just me or did Jaba Mama actually burp during one of her interviews? God bless TLC for not editing that out!
@ash1 I caught Jabba Mamma aka Mount Everest burping several times. She is a repulsive woman.
@ash1 – yes, she did burp during one of the interviews, but they never said which Jedi she ate.
@happymom…they were used, that’s why I almost vomited…seriously, I need to stop watching Hoarders, it’s not fun like Clean House.
@kthxbai – it never occurred to me they were swamp people, but I do get how you feel sort of sorry for them. Still won’t stop the snark.
@Fan-Ann – I’m guessing we could all out-run June and her faithful bat. Like in about 10 feet!
Why did she have a bat?
@DC-oh man you make me laugh and it is only your comments above, this mini cap! I read on the T&T fanpage on facebook that the baseball bat was supposed to be for her outfit of choice….whatever editors…I knew when I saw all those rolls of paper towels that she was an extreem couponer…ok I can understand dish soap-you know like Dawn- because if you don’t have a dishwasher your kids are doing a lot of dishes. Same with the paper towels. We go through a lot of those in my house because we also use them as napkins. Yes I know they make napkins, but whatevs we shop at the comissary, its cheap!
I will say this Alana cracked me up lastnight. I actaully liked her with her “wig”. Usually I don’t like the way the girls look once they are all done up, but I did with her. I felt bad for her when she started to cry. I did not like the fact that she was told to “show her belly to the judges when she was doing her beauty walk. What was she supposed to do, lift up that cupcake skirt and show her glory??
Heaven, I thought she was cute as well. Her Ponoccio (what ever I can never spell that one!) skit was adorable. The fact that she waited for her dad was awesome, and the wink and the smile she gave to the judges…
Laci, yeah I felt bad for that kid! And the meat bikini-um I would be screaming too if I was that age and there was RAW MEAT touching me! If I was her mom, I sure as shit wouldn’t be worried about her spray tan rubbing off. I would be worried about getting sick from touching RAW MEAT, and pinning said RAW MEAT to my daughter!
Can’t wait for the re-cap!!
@notwithoutmytv
I’m from Virginia and the state is split in half. I live in northern Virginia we have very very faint southern accents though we do use the word y’all more then we should and our grammar is perfectly normal. The southern part of Virginia is very much like the typical south with the accents and poor grammar, to me driving though it is like driving though a different state completely.
@DearCrabby don’t worry, like I said it’ll probably pass by the time you get the whole recap up.
I do think bad of TLC for exploiting them.
But in my heart I also know that if they can come up out of the swamp enough to Bedazzle stuff they can come up out of the swamp enough to change some of their other ways.
Specially the 1s that make it dangerous for me to ever go to Folkston unless I was in a large group that included a mess of personal protection professionals.
@kthxbai there’s no swamp blood in my family tree and I can’t explain what pageants are to my family. They all just think I’m nuts. Maybe I am. When this episode started, The families were so far out there they had me questioning our decision to do pageants. My the end of the episode I was questioning if we really wanted to keep Georgia as a state in the union. Really people, use the money to invest in a double wide.
Do we even want to open Pandoras people on food stamps who do pageants box? Lol
@StageMom I know what you mean. I’ve got just about every kind of blood except swamp, and relatives I can’t explain pageants to either.
I probably should’ve said TV, but then I’ve got relatives I can’t even explain that to.
Shoot, I’ve got relatives that look up when a plane goes over and go
“Oh bird of iron! If you’re the same 1 that took my sons to the edge of the world please bring them back in time to celebrate harvest.”
But this week’s T & T people have got cousins and great grandpas that might be just be legendary creatures that nobody can prove they even exist.
So some of their ways we’re just guessing, because there’s places where the hand of non-swamp people man has never set foot.
These aren’t like those sweet Louisiana swamp people that are friendly and diverse.
And there’s a whole mess of Georgia where people are also friendly and diverse and just regular, with TV and computers etc.
It’s not like your only 2 choices are swamp people or Nene The Wildebeeste.
What are swamp people?
What a strange bunch of…ummm…people? 1st of all idk why everyone’s making such a big deal over June’s weight. I mean, yeah she’s big, but she isn’t half as big as over 50% of other pageant moms that have been featured & their weight didn’t elicit this much commenting about it. I know her overly flesh-endowed face makes her look big, but her body isn’t as big as others. Besides…there are SOOOO many other things to criticize about her, so let’s do that. Although..her fondness of one button shirts opening to show off her gut, does make it hard not too. June? Not flattering! BTW..I am so jeal of her stockpile & couponing ability!! As a mom of 5, I would pay her good money to teach me the tricks because I just can’t seem to master it.
I liked Heaven, but the gum chewing like she was in the middle of negotiating a price for a ‘date’ on the strip was ridic. I mean seriously? Mom, please correct that immediately because she already seems to think it’s cute & bless her heart, it’s not! It’s bad enough she has a name that a strip club DJ is going to love announcing one day. “Alright gentlemen get those dollas out, give it up, & get ready to be taken to HEEEAAAVVVEENNNNNN”
Laci should NEVER be allowed to eat another piece of chocolate! For the love of Heaven, that child has sugar highs like none I’ve ever seen! And, again, mom of 5 kids that like to steal sweets for a living! If anyone sees her mom @ the store buying chocolate for the brat, kag her, hold her down while you call for backup, & I’ll come help you beat the ever-living shit out of her!! No one deserves to hear those screaming fits! She deserves an ass kicking for encouraging that shit. Which, you can totally tell she thought was cute because of the little smirk she was trying to hide every time she did it.
BTW, where do you guys think Alana gets her..ummmm…ummmm…spunk (?) from? Because her parents were as dull as the dish detergent (or as June says..”the stuff you wash your dishes with” lol…seriously, did she have a brain fart & couldn’t remember the word detergent while SHE WAS LOOKING AT THE LABEL?) they have thousands of bottles of! “A dolla makes me holla honey boo-boo child???” Really? Maybe she’s watching drag race with Bob nem in her free time. The editors not cutting out the producer’s reaction when she said that was hilarious! You could hear the wtf laughing from shock.
Laci’s chocolate nonsense looked totally staged and practiced to me…
Oh absolutely ash1!! Did you see the smirk on her mom’s face as she was watching her yell her face off? Soooo. Not. Cute! She needs to go back into her mother’s ‘wound’ (as June would say) with that nonsense!
BTW..seriously, June? ‘They been doing this since they came out they momma’s WOUND?’ Well, if they all had a God awful wound that they can shoot babies out of, I want to know what traumatic event caused these wounds & where they’re located? I mean, were they all in the same place where a global tragedy occurred & wounded all the pageant moms? I NEED TA KNOW!
I don’t know what is worse, the gallons of “energy drinks Alana had, or the fact that she was given 15 bags of pixie sticks at the last pageant she was in! Alana got the producers laughing a couple of times.
I will say this. Mak is back next week and I want to see the look on the other little girls face when Mak says to her “you can stop hugging me now!”
This episode fully and completely put the “ster” in stereotypes…I watched the entire show with my mouth hanging open in disbelief, and this comes from a hardened T&T watcher.
Can’t wait for the full recap!
So, if the kid gets a burp for being 3rd runner up, would she get a fart for 2nd runner up? Really, June? And I get the feeling like she was trying to audition for Extreme Couponing on TLC. We may see Juney again!
I thought the part with Alana and Heaven talking about the pageant was cute – just a couple of kids having a conversation – you know, just talking, no big whoop.
Can’t wait for the recap!
icegirl, please get off your high horse about grammar until you correct the errors in your own post. Your post is riddled with punctuation, capitalization, syntax, and sentence structure errors. These people were horrid (and, sadly, live only a few hours away from me), but one does need to be a little more careful with language if one choses to criticize the mistakes of others.
When she was all gussied up for the pageant, Alana looked like a 40 yr old extra hanging out at the beauty salon in Steel Magnolias.
@icegirl
I ain’t lying when I say that you are a fucking asshole.
Do your “non-native English speakers” friends know that you compared them with someone who you have such low regard for? Do they know that you put them a step above? You should tell them. I am sure they will be happy to learn how you feel about them.
Pfft..
.
For the person upthread who wondered what the dads did for a living …you don’t think the red ribbon around Bologna gets there by magic?
Momma the Hut so fat she has elbow cleveage. Find it hard to believe she has never ran across a slim fast coupon. I think they should offer the daddy a set of teeth if he can find the hidden clue at the grocery store. Then hide the clue in the produce department so you can guarantee they will never cash in
For me the scariest part is knowing these people can vote, hold a driver’s license, and procreate.
OMG!
I made the mistake of drinking a big glass of milk while reading this…needless to say, my shell-shocked cat was not happy with me, especially when I tried to give her a bath afterwards.
Anyway, THIS WAS HILARIOUS. I also don’t think that June was really THAT big. Yes, her face was enormous and yes, she is obviously obese, but I think there have been moms on this show that are bigger or just as big.
I felt so bad for little Alana in that Daisy Duke outfit. Little kids are chubby, I get that – lots of little toddlers have chubby arms and legs and protruding bellies. However, Alana is clearly just overweight (albeit only slightly) and I fear that she and her siblings are heading down the same path as their mother. I don’t really understand couponing, but it doesn’t appear to be unhealthy – however, I wonder what kind of food products are being bought in that house. Chips? Cookies? Sugary cereal? Buying 20 bags at a time is just setting everyone in that family up for diabetes, high cholesterol etc. etc. So sad.
I loved Heaven’s family!!! Yes, their grammar was awful – and I find chewing gum absolutely DISGUSTING – but I thought they were amusing!
I thought Alana was rather funny and a nice change from the cast of junior street walkers we usually see. And I agree that her family was exploited. I don’t know, I just can’t get the snark going for these people. It feels like ridiculing the disabled.
For the love of God, somebody needs to tell Heaven that she is not a cow and that gum is not cud, so knock that shit off. Did anybody else notice that weird jaundice yellow coloring around June’s eyes, it was freaking me out.
I loved Alana. Hilarious kid who should be able to show her PERSONALITY not her chubby belly. ugh, what a dumbass her mother is. And I was almost crying for the poor kid when she started crying practicing and then mom was a bitch and told her not to look at the camera and that she wouldn’t leave until she stopped.
@DearCrabby Just as I predicted, my conscience ended up deciding that anything that makes me laugh as hard as I did between “jackin’ it to diabetes” and the @Chicken Lips and @fancyface comments wins the ethical superiority division crown over TLC being exploitative.
Specially since just about every reality show exploits somebody. At least with this 1 we anthropology bonus material.
Plus having relatives that may be legendary creatures that don’t really exist hasn’t stopped them from not only getting a TV but learning how to turn it on and sign release forms and checks.
Which I hope Honeybubu’s daddy will use to buy teeth.
That reminds me, when he said “Hold still or I’ll stick ya” I think he meant stick her with a pin because he was messing with her costume, probably to make it show more of her belly.
@Nellie Bellie,
You need to realize that I live in Turkey and It was past MIDNIGHT when I wrote that post and I had spent all day studying for an extremely difficult final exam for a class that is taught in Turkish. So that is the reason my spelling and grammar were not perfect. I am not an idiot and nor do I have bad grammar. I am actually in graduate school and I speak 6 languages. So please, STFU about my grammar because I was posting late at night and I was quite exhausted. By the way, your grammar is worse than mine, so you have no place in correcting me.
@Robinez
You are one stupid bitch. I wasn’t trying to put them a step above the swamp folk we saw in this movie. I was saying this to show how bad these peoples’ grammar really is. They should be ashamed if non-native speakers have better grammar than them. So you should maybe pay more attention to the context before you call me a fucking asshole. You can shut the hell up bitch.
DearCrabby, please tell me you captured the image of that hairdresser who looked as if she had eaten Alana’s mom for breakfast. They only showed her for a second, but it was awesome. Your pics/captions are one of the things that send me right over the edge when I read your recaps.
@icegirl
Actually, my grammar is not worse than yours. It’s hilarious that you criticize people for language when you cannot be bothered to use language correctly. I have two post-graduate degrees, dear, and two undergraduate degrees, including one in English with a creative writing focus. I have also worked as a professional writer and editor. If you choose to criticize, you should master one of your six languages and understand you, too, may be the object of criticism. The decade I spent in academia taught me clearly that a graduate degree does not equal intellectual acumen. Additionally, resorting to coarse language neither enhances a dialogue nor does it create a winning argument.
Well– I can tell you that at least one of the 3 dads is miltary. I was stationed at St. Mary’s for 3 years and that is a military housing unit. They didn’t make a big deal of it– I imagine because that was probably the deal they made with Command to get permission to film there, since its a pretty high security base (sub base). But, I believe he is technically “step-dad”.
@ Nellie I do use language correctly, so I question the validity of your 4 degrees. I speak English well and I really don’t appreciate your criticism because it is invalid and incorrect. I have mastered four of those six languages and I am able to take graduate-level courses in them and get top grades. Stop acting like an arrogant prick because my grammar is just as good if not better than yours, since you did make quite a few errors yourself honey. Just because you have four degrees it doesn’t mean you are superior than everyone else. I will again mention that it was past midnight when I wrote that first post that you decided to criticize, so thus I was been prone to making spelling and grammar errors that I normally don’t make. I was also studying for a final in a particularly difficult course thus I was quite tired, you of all people, an academic should be able to undertand that. So I don’t care how many degrees you have, I am still smarter and I have a better grasp of the English language than you do.5m
People: there’s a difference between mocking/insulting/criticizing reality TV characters (since that’s what we’re all here for, right?) and insulting fellow TVgasm commenters, which should be off-limits. Please?
Ladies…ladies, you both know that you mustn’t use multisyllabic words nor pay attention to things such as punctuation and syntax…however will the pageant Moms understand you?
I must correct my ‘twins’, I meant twin
@bautin – Oh, no shit! I didn’t even know they made YELLOW eye shadow…maybe she just had a coupon for mustard and got creative!
@itchy – totally agree, let’s keep the vitriol where it belongs – on reality TV participants!
Come on now, group hug!
@ Itchy and Moli: I totally agree. I posted my opinion on this hilarious episode late last night and then I woke up to find some nasty comments directed at me and my opinion and my spelling/syntax/grammar which were inhibited by exhaustion and nonstop studying of Arabic word patterns in Ottoman Turkish. I doubt June, Brooklyn, Alicia, Mandass etc would be able to follow our fights anyway, much less come up with an intelligible response.
BTW Can anyone explain the concept of extreme couponing to me and how in the hell does that save money? Wouldn’t you be spending more money by buying tons of crap that you don’t need, ie June and her museum-sized collection of Tide bottles. I use store coupons sometimes but 99% of the time I just end up saving money on stuff that I didn’t intend to purchase in the first place.
@Icegirl – With extreme couponing, you seldom actually pay for the product. For instance, my local store was having a 10 for $10 sale on Dawn detergent. I had 10 50 cent coupons. On Wednesdays the store doubles coupons. So I went in, bought the 10 detergents, gave them my 10 coupons, which they doubled. My cost for buying the detergent? zero. In some stores (unfortunately not in my area) they will double any coupon value. So if my 50 cent coupon was for 75 cents, they would double it, and I would actually be given 50 cents for every bottle of detergent I “bought”. Hope that makes sense.
Do they make Clooney coupons?
and still no one will tell me what swamp people are. *sigh* I feel so ignored. Maybe I should have written my question using poor grammar then I’d be getting all kinds of attention!!
At least one of the contestants was a military brat. That St. Mary’s house was military housing on the sub base there. I used to be stationed there. As soon as they showed the outside, my kids started laughing as I did the tour of the home when they were inside (and theres the kitchen, the double doors, the lovely tile floor, etc.
Whoops– sorry, thought my earlier comment didn’t take and I reposted. Sorry y’all.
I also demand to know what swamp people are. kthxbai seemed to indicate they were a people group from a specific part of Europe who settled in southern Georgia and retain particular customs etc. I actually think people like that would be facinating (and, okay, maybe a little scary). What small part of Europe are they from?
AND, okay. I’m a frequent reader, almost never poster. But I heartily agree with Itchy, D’iar Khreabig, Molly and Ice. The comments here seem nastier than usual regarding the show AND fellow gasmi! I think the whole Ckaandyz thing has riled people up. Simmer down folks.
COMMENT WARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha! (OBV in my Ozzy Osbourne Crazy Train voice)
Bwhahahahahaha, I’m looked for Molly and realized that was me. Welcome Lulilac, no more hiding for you!
Lulilac, to be clear that was NOT a jab at you. Tone is the one thing I wish we had on the internet
Great episode. I’m totally team Alana. Cute kid and I loved her spunk. For outfit of choice, she looked like a mini Ellie Mae Clampett (with a bit of Minnie Pearl thrown in for good measure). Yes, she is a little chubby, but she cracked me up with the talking belly. Her Mom stuck me as the type that might not get it when it comes to nutrition. Heaven was cute, but that beauty wig was awful. It reminded me of something Dolly Parton or Tammy Wynette would have worn on HeeHaw in 1972. And Laci had facial beauty, but her modeling needed work. Her cupcake hands were the worst.
I’m currently embedded with the U.S. 10th Mountain Division in Afghanistan, typing on a little keyboard/satellite transmitter device, and these bullets keep whizzing past my ears. I speak seven languages and have a PhD. in Contemporary Middle Eastern Culture, and as I type, I’m trying to translate map grid coordinates so we can lay down an artillery-deployed smokescreen and get the hell out of Dodge. So, if you think I’ve got time for the niceties of proper grammar and punctuation while trying to avoid getting my ass shot off, you’re clean out of your skull, folks.
P.S. The SAW gunner in this unit is from the Atchafalaya River Basin swamp in Louisiana, and he says “Swamp People” is derogatory. He believes “Creole-Infused American” is the preferred nomenclature.
@notwithout – Hahahaha No shit! Why the hell do we care in what Turkish dialect someone is currently conjugating verbs…count me incredibly impressed and move the hell on. This board has become a degree count, and people are starting to make shit up. I also don’t give rat shit how many languages some of these people speak! If you already have three degrees and speak 5 languages, get the hell out of school and get a damned job!
NWMTV-or, as the Dude put it: “in the parlance of our times.”
I have never watched one since second of this show DAYM, love all the passion! I am in awe.
DEGRESS! I have DEGRESS!
Sorry, I felt left out.
The correct spelling is “degress”
Has Candice taught us nothing?
LOL @Pegster Bread and butter pinkylink!
I actually enjoy the Georgia accent and homey interplay of verb tenses in the Southern vernacular. It reminds me of that high school American Literature assignment: write a paragraph in the style of Faulkner’s “The Sound and the Fury.”
I like to think of it as the Paula Deenization of reality T.V.
Nah– if it were Paula Deen, she would have had BACON Y’ALL instead of Cubed Steak for Lady Gaga!!
@Jazzy, Swamp People is another reality show gem which airs on The History Channel. It follows a group of people who “Choot Gator” for a living. Although it is filmed in America, the show is entirely subtitled for the English speaking. The species on this weeks T&T could do a crossover epi of Swamp People and no one would notice. One can purchase their very own “Choot Em’” t-shirt from The History Channel store. I hope this helps. DISCLAIMER-Choot=Shoot. I spelled it that way on purpose because that is how it is said. Please do not hit my knuckles with a ruler. I myself could care less about the grammar, I am here for the glamour. Thank you Crabby for sharing your gift of snarky genius. It is the one thing I look forward to all week.
@Jazzy They’re just people that live in a swamp.
Or have ancestors and cousins that do. Some of them were so isolated for such a long time that they got legendary and we don’t even know if they really exist.
But if we see them, then they’ve come up out of the swamp. But they’re still liable to keep old ways and they’ve still got family that may not exist.
Not all swamps or swamp people are the same. The 1s in Louisiana are diverse and friendly and have their own reality shows.
The 1s in GA like to keep to themselves and would rather be around people that look and seem more like them.
Which is not a swamp only trait. Just 1 that they happen to have a whole mess of.
@notwithoutmytv I never heard of it being derogatory. It’s not any different from mountain people or desert people or city people to me.
Does anybody remember when TLC aired educational programs? That’s why it was called The LEARNING Channel. I used to watch a fun, informative show where these two affable guys would teach you how to refinish furniture. Now TLC has shows where people EAT furniture. And shows about broads who didn’t know they were pregnant. And shows about people buried in their own crud. And shows about people with 500-lb. tumors. And shows about dwarfs doing just about everything. The channel should be called Trash Lowlife Channel, or TFC, The Freakshow Channel. I want to UNlearn everything I’ve witnessed on TLC. (Nevertheless, I’ll still be tuning in to Toddlers and Tiaras.)
@Gilty Plezzur – i think you are mixing up TLC the network with TLC the band. they taught us about how waterfalls and such worked right? i also think they aired reruns of scrubs.
If that chubbo’s house was clean, which it didn’t impress me as being THAT clean, then it was only because she used the plethora of paper towels to “sop up that may-us fer the cramra peepl.” That family was the most repulsive, disgusting display I’ve ever seen on that show, and that’s saying a lot. The daughter looks like a tiny Dwight from The Office. Only fatter. And the rest of the inbreds looks like they’re contemplating a murder/suicide plot, only all the canned Spam isn’t gone so they have to wait. GUUHHHHH!!!
When I hear “swamp people,” is it wrong that all I can picture is Shrek and his earwax that he used for a candle? Isn’t he a swamp person?
By the way, to me, the funniest line in the whole show was, “I don’ wanna druuug my chile with that Re’Bull, she ain’t but six.” Meaning, I guess, that if she were seven or eight, the drugging would probably be ok. LOLOLOL!!!!
OMG! @Classy when I scream “Comment Wars!” I always picture a different muppet. Kermit, Animal, Miss Piggy, Beaker…it’s someone (or muppet) different every time but, I envision the head thrown back and twitchy movement every time.
@sheesh…”I am not a Shrimp! I am a King Prawn, ooookaay???”
@Jazzy…I don’t want you to feel ignored! If someone hasn’t already explained extreme couponing, I’ll try. I think it’s when you gather a bazillion coupons, clip them and keep them in a big notebook or something, and then you watch the ads for things on sale. When you can match the sale stuff with your coupons AND the store gives you double coupon credit (or whatever it’s called) then you can load your cart with 87 containers of shit you don’t need but that doesn’t matter because it’s FREE!!! Or something like that.
I’m not really sure about swamp people. I always picture the Creature from the Black Lagoon rising up from the water and grabbing some slutty B-movie star…but that’s probably not the same.
I don’t think, that June’s coupon obsession can actually save money for a pageant. How is that possible? It might save the family some money in the long run, but otherwise? So June shopped for 300$ (and I bite my left arm off, if she really needs all that stuff at the very moment), but we all know pageants cost a lot more. That whole “This way I save money for the pageants” seems like BS to me. I thought, that her house looked quite like a store… So maybe, the combination of coupon-shopping-and-then-selling-that-stuff-on-her-own is more plausible.
Somebody throw Laci some chocolate-covered Ritalin, and let her chase that around the floor.
I used to coupon shop and I won’t lie, I got a total rush out of it. You get the excitement of shopping and you aren’t spending that much. Here’s the problem, you have to stock up on the loss leaders and have spreadsheets and buy coupons off ebay (yes buy coupons off ebay) to make the deals work just right. And then you have tons and tons and tons of crap you don’t need because it’s cheap.
There was a time when I too would lovingly stroke my piles of deodorant and toothpaste. And then my husband told me I was a total idiot, that I was filling my house with crap we didn’t need, that the food that goes on sale with coupons is all pretty much unhealthy crap and if we run out of toothpaste then we go spend $2 for a tube at the store. I donated my stockpiles, tossed the coupons and never looked back.
So really, you have to spend money on crap you don’t need to maybe get something you do need but you still spend more and wind up buried under crap.
I use to clip coupons and a bought a fancy organizer for them. Each and every time I went to the supermarket I left it home…seriously each time. The day I actually remembered to bring it everything I wanted to buy, the coupon had expired. The only coupons I use now are the ones my co-worker clips for me to buy our ‘Coffee Club’ coffee…from Walmart:) Shout out to SW
Thanks for the swamp and coupon info, folks! I always suspected what StageMom said – it seems ridic to stockpile enough Saran Wrap to last for the next decade. And penniless is right – that doesn’t add up to cash NOW. That’s just June’s way of justifying what she spends on pageants.
I can’t wait for the full recap!! I saw a few winning shots that I know will be in there!
Okay, add me to the list of people who expected Jason Lee to pop out of the back of the trailer with his Karma list every time Heaven’s mom spoke. I think Jaime Pressly must have STUDIED her to get the accent just right! It was so bizarre!
I think the reason June looked so fat was the unfortunate lack of a neck. That roll under her chin made her look much more obese than she actually was. The good news is with weight loss it CAN be minimalized. The bad news is…..well, do you actually expect June to GO on a diet since she’s making her daughter’s claim to fame in the pageant world shaking her jelly belly?
@plockeness: make this episode THE episode you watch! Seriously it was chock full of insanity! One woman couponing and buying crap she’ll never use and her daughter hollering for a dollar, Heaven’s celebrity mom from My Name is Earl and the other less interesting pageant mom whose child sounded like a banshee on crack. It IS the epitomal episode to watch!
Just read some of the “argumentative” comments. Guys, you keep arguing about who has the better degrees and CANDACE is going to come back! And she’ll steal all of our Little Debbies and pull the stuffing out of our oversized couches and chairs AND THEN WHERE WILL WE BE!?!
@saffie As long as Candace doesn’t take my Jazzy scooter, we’re good! I’ll zip up and get us more Little Debbies.
I didn’t watch the whole show, but Neil Patrick Harris tweeted a youtube clip with Alana’s segments strung together. I actually found her to be pretty cute and endearing, in a backwoods kinda way. It was nice to see a child with a personality that wasn’t a huge brat like most of the other kids on this show (cough ALEXES cough). That being said, I really hope her parents stop giving her so much sugar. I wouldn’t say she’s overweight, but I could see it being a problem in the future.
Alana was the personality kid of this episode. But my heart broke for her a little as her face crumpled a little when she got third runner up. Then she snapped right out of it and was hilarious in her exit interview, so kudos to her. Her strength of personality will hopefully serve her well when life gets harder these next years. I can’t begin to imagine how cruel some kids her age might be about living in what amounts to a warehouse.
Tonight before sleep I will say a prayer to the lord of the interwebz, Flipit:
Mighty Flipit please don’t let the ‘gasm go down again as I was sore depressed when it was gone. Please don’t let Candass find any of the faithful as she is a crazed bitch. Please hinder June in her efforts to carry out her promise to beat the shit out of those who talked about Alana; for she hath a bat and I don’t. Also, I am a coward. Please protect Crabbeigh all her days, as she dispenses wisdom and snark with an even hand and amuses us mightily. Thanks from your friend, Annie Fanny
I did like the way Alan’s people cheered for her when she won third runner up. They didn’t act like assholes like most of the parents do when they don’t win grand supreme.
**Alana’s**
I am the Lord thy God, and I have no college degress.
That is why I can’t watch that Extreme Couponing show – it doesn’t make any sense to me! I could see how a family like the Duggars would find couponing useful, but for normal sized families, how is spending $300 on 1000 rolls of Saran wrap you’re never going to use saving any money?
My dad always says “If you don’t need it, you can save 100% by not buying it at all.”
Also, in reference to this comment war: NEITHER of the two Gasmii arguing back and forth have perfect grammar, I spotted mistakes in both posts. I have a degree in English too and I know that my grammar is not always perfect either. As long as the posts are legible, does it really matter?
NO ONE GIVES A FUCK.
Personally, I thought it was a new low in the TLC editing manipulation. Although hilarious, I found it highly inappropriate, as well as disturbing to hear that little girl utter, “a dollar make me holler”……twice!! Come on…..we all know how this line originated. I know kids just repeat what they hear and I too am guilty for say things around my kids that I probably shouldn’t but did TLC really need to televise that?? Innocence is bliss I guess!!!
@Georgiababe, I’m sorry, honey, but you are mistaken. The proper phrase for no one gives a fuck is:
NO 1 CURR
This episode sounds like The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia: Pageant Edition!
All Alana needed was a tap dancing duet with Jesco and she’d have taken first place for sure.
Dear Crabby, you are the bestest! You and your fellow recappers are so astute and entertaining. Can’t wait for the full recap on this one.
Is it wrong that I continually refresh the T&T recaps hoping to find the full recap for this episode? Love you Crabby!
Oh my God Snootchy, how dare you!!! I have SEVEN DEGRESS and I have mastered 26 languages, therefore I and my grammar are PERFECT AND UNTOUCHABLE!!!! How dare you criticize me on the internet?!!
Internet police, help, someone’s being mean to me!!!
@sarcasatire OMG I can’t stop imagining that now!
Jesco could pass on D Ray’s tap secrets to little culture exchange visitor Honeybubu.
And Mamie that’s still raising hell would give out gum for when the swamp family’s ears pop because they’ve never been that far up above sea level before.
MamaJaba could show the Whites how to extreme coupon and @DearCrabby would be so sure she’d died and gone to Heaven she’d start turning people around to see if they had wings on.
And so would we!
Oh and BTW Jesco got married!
http://www.coalvalleynews.com/view/full_story/14986777/article-Jesco-White-gets-married-?instance=secondary_news_left_column
I think y’all need to don some Ellie May tops and Daisy Dukes and have a grammar-off for the title of grand ultimate supreme with cheez. Just like in the pageants there are enough tiaras and sashes to go around, people.
The learning channel. What I have learned………..
I have learned prissy walk and pop toe.
spray tanning is for biracial babies
Not everyone sees the logic in infant eye bow waxing
Cup cake dress
Three thousand dollars can not make an ugly child pretty
Jacking the hair is for Jesus
flippers. False teeth for the children of the toothless
And who said Tv isn’t educational any more?
What I’ve learned from the T&T comment threads:
The grammar police are scarier than a cop wielding pepper spray at a peaceful protest
Comment wars are fought with bible quotes
Comment wars are thought to be won by those with the most extensive resumes
When in doubt, body snark!
Pageant Moms like to google themselves but don’t like what they read
More importantly, Pageant Moms can read!
There..who needs book learnin’? Ah don’t!
Where did all these new posters come from all of a sudden, and why do they all seem to talk like Can/Man/Sam? They aren’t filled with snark…they are filled with pure nastiness. And I suspect the author (yes…I suspect a singular author) isn’t bright enough to understand the difference.
And “icegirl”…if you really speak so many languages, you presumably can come up with better insults than the childish vulgarities you persist in tossing around.
Why dog pile the rabbit? Are people so itching for a comment war here that when a pageant mom doesn’t show up they just pick a random victim to tear apart??
I took a look at icegirl’s comment and they were about the show. She made fun of the grammar of the parents, much like many posters do each week. Then nellie bellie decides to make it personal by picking apart icegirl’s grammar. And here comes someone else calling icegirl a ‘fucking asshole.’
I’m all for reading an entertaining comment war when the attacks are justified (re: Candace) but why jump on someone who is happily snarking on the show like the rest of us?
I thought Icegirl’s comments were fine too. I don’t know why she got attacked. I guess Candace made all the T&T posters cranky or something.
Some days, especially when I watch this show, I wonder if I really want to procreate any honey boo boo childs.
And I am a comma happy person, so please don’t yell at me if I use to many. I only have one degree.
Happily snarking on the Show? This wasn’t happy and it certainly wasn’t good “snarking”. Nobody “attacked” her either. Let’s just see how much of the “show” she snarked at. As opposed to what she actually did;
“My stomach hurts from laughing so hard while watching this episode. All the families were redneck hicks with bad grammar. Heaven’s trailer home and Alana’s dad’s lack of teeth and need for captioning just added insult to injury. I never get disgusted by people, but Alana’s Mount Everest size mom was just repulsive. Alana wasn’t that attractive, her personality not cute and she shouldn’t be shaking her belly, because it just emphasized she is well on the way to being a body double for the diabete’s mother ship. If anyone says anything bad about her kid Mount Everest said she was going to beat the shit out of them, so I am waiting to get my much skinnier butt kicked by that disgusting woman.”
ASSHOLE
“And Sugar Bear, for the love of all that is holy, by the looks of your family the last thing that you all need is bacon and sausage, maybe get something like lettuce instead. Another gross scene was when Alana was practicing at the school and Mount Everest was demonstrating to Alana how to shake her belly. Seriously Mount Everest, for the sake of humanity never ever do that again! Thanks to you I practically vomited the chinese food and diet coke I was savoring. I am now scarred for life.”
Bulemic ASSHOLE
“Heaven’s mom seriously sounded like a hick. I couldn’t stand her voice. Seriously every single one of these people has atrocious grammar. I have friends who are non-native English speakers who were born and raised abroad whose English is better than these hilljacks. These people made me fear for the future of America”
Bigoted ASSHOLE
“These hicks really did a good job reenforcing all of the negative stereotypes of the south. I know that not all Southerners are uneducated rednecks, but seriously “you country folk ain’t giving your part of the country a really good image. By the way, I never use the word ain’t. I detest the word ain’t since it makes people sound dumb and uneducated.”
Ain’t I just the dumbest ASSHOLE.
She sure talked alot about the “show” didn’t she? Nope. She took every opportunity to talk bad about anybody and everybody that she could. How anyone could think what she said was snark is beyond me.
Look, I am not going to change my mind about my post. While I have never made a habit of calling people names here, I reserve the right to do so in this case. Especially when they are an asshole. In all the years that I have been here, I have never come across such a bigoted, venomous post. Every word dripped with disdain and bigotry. If she spoke about the show, I must have missed it while wading through the muck.
Robinez…don’t bother rising to the bait of someone who spends so much time trying to make you look bad.
And as for “icegirl,” please refer to post #120.
“Well, we’re mostly in Georgia and folks, I weep for the future AND the present. You think Candy-Ass butchered the English language, THESE PEOPLE all needed captioning at one time or another (and I actually had to turn mine on because I couldn’t understand what half these toothless, blubbery hilljacks were saying to the camera.”
Did that offend you, too? Is that not snark? Welp..it’s in the recap!
The jokes that DC poked at the folks on this episode is not much different than what was repeated in the comments, by icegirl and others. (It’s what we do here…welcome to TVGasm!) Don’t know why one person gets singled out..
Cattyfan..you show up to the party late and jump right on top on the pile, scattering leaves and stirring up drama. I could understand if icegirl went after another commenter. Nope. She made fun of the people ON THE SHOW and got called a “fucking asshole”.
I think itchy said it best:
“People: there’s a difference between mocking/insulting/criticizing reality TV characters (since that’s what we’re all here for, right?) and insulting fellow TVgasm commenters, which should be off-limits. Please?”
Even our Dear Crabby took issue with your behavior:
“@itchy – totally agree, let’s keep the vitriol where it belongs – on reality TV participants!”
So, yes…WE all think that the name-calling is out of line. (Along with the TVG grammar police. lol) If you want another comment war, go to Alana’s FB fan page and post..”Oooh, June. You should see what they are saying on TVG about your double chin!” Don’t forget to post a link to DC’s recap!
Another recap…another attempt by sarcasatire to make the drama all about her. New year, but nothing has changed. Yawn.
Are you serious?
“Did that offend you, too? Is that not snark? Welp..it’s in the recap!
The jokes that DC poked at the folks on this episode is not much different than what was repeated in the comments, by icegirl”..
There are no words or sentances in DC’s recap that resemble the bile that spewed from icegirl’s post.
Yep, that post was ALL about me. Sure, I didn’t refer to myself once but if you say it’s true, Catty, then who am I to disagree?
I guess a week without internet got you revved up for a fight. Sorry, you won’t find one here. Internet thugs bore me. Yawn.
Well, Robinez, you strike me as an articulate person. If icegirl’s post offended you I’m sure you could have stated so without hurling insults. Because if there were valid points to be made, they were drowned out by all the ‘assholes.’
I like a logical debate as much as the next person and there has been plenty around these parts. But when your argument begins with an insult, it puts people on the defense, then on the offense, and you lose the opportunity to show them the error of their ways, at least from your perspective. Even worse, you make them look more sympathetic!
Just a thought from an outsider looking in..
TVGASM posters are the best, let’s not fight with each other. We’re all people. We’re all different. We’re all human. BUT most importantly, we’re all awesome.
Don’t let Samanthass win by turning us against one another!!!
P.S. I’ve had 2 BOTTLES of champagne, so forgive me for any offenses. XOXO
Two bottles? Girl, pass that Andre Cold Duck! Mama needs a drank!
Oh I forgot to say if you’re tempted to experiment with it, the main thing extreme couponing’s good for is to get a mess of stuff to donate to the food bank or a shelter or something.
This isn’t the place to talk about why except to say rich men want more $.
Which you already know. But all those places are having a real hard time being overburdened with way more than they were ever set up to do.
To quote the great Cheri Oteri: “Siiiiiimmmmmmaaaaaaa doooooownnnn nooooooow!!”
It is just a television show, does it really matter? So you disagree with someone’s comments, so what? Move on, scroll down the page. Calling that person any kind of name for insulting others doesn’t exactly make you any better, nor does continuously throwing insults back and forth help the situation any. Silly to allow yourself to get worked up over comments that some person you don’t know (and likely won’t ever meet) made about someone else (whom you also don’t know) or about yourself. It’s such nonsense.
Good grief.
@Robinez
You just sound like a nasty, mean, angry person. All I was doing was commenting on the show when you had to call me a fucking asshole. For your information I am neither dumb, bigoted, bulimic nor an asshole. You aren’t intelligent you are just mean. I was using the word ain’t to mock the people on the episode. That atrocious word is not a part of my daily vocabulary. So, please lay off of me. I was just commenting on the recap. Leave my posts alone. I admit I may have sounded articulate but that was because of the late hour and my brain wasn’t very alert.
@ Cattyfan
Please read all of the comments before you jump in on attacking me. I was the one who was attacked first. I was just posting about the trailer trash on the show when a few users decided to tear my comments apart and start bashing me. I was just defending myself. If you noticed, the only vulgarities I used in this post were the same ones that Robinez used on me. I wasn’t using them on her. So before you tell me not to use vulgarities maybe tell that to Robinez as well because I consider “fucking asshole” a vulgarity. By the way, why yes I am a new poster. To answer your question about where I come from, I am an American from Minnesota and I am going to graduate school in Turkey. I love laughing at Toddlers and Tiaras and I discovered DearCrabby’s recaps. Nice to meet you
@Sarcasatire and Jazzy, thanks for defending me against these trolls. I was laughing at the episode as much as they were and they decided to go on a rant about me. How nice.
I discovered an error in my previous post and I felt need to correct it before someone else goes after me.
I admit I may have sounded articulate but that was because of the late hour and my brain wasn’t very alert.
This should have read: I admit I may NOT have sounded articulate but that was because of the late hour and my brain wasn’t very alert.
icegirl…a “troll” is someone new who arrives at a site looking to stir up trouble. That would be you, as I suspect you are of the same gene pool as Can/Man/Sam. If you aren’t related, you certainly do a good imitation. Robinez and I, however, have been here for years.
Cattyfan,
I am not of the same gene pool as Can/Man/Sam nor do I do a good imitation of them. I am not a troll. I didn’t arrive at tvgasm to stir up trouble. Rather, I arrived because I find DearCrabby’s recaps of Toddlers & Tiaras hilarious and wanted to put in my two cents about the episode. I was doing that peacefully until you and your little posse decided to come after me. I am here for the same reason as you, because I like the recaps and I love laughing at people like CandyAss, June, Jamie Sterling etc. So I ask you to please realize that and not attack me or my character because you know nothing about me or my background or my genetic make up.
I may be mistaken, but I thought icegirl had been here for a while. The name was familiar to me. And, for the record, I didn’t find anything wrong with her original post, but everybody sees things differently.
Okay, if you girls can’t behavior yourselves, me and NotWithoutMyTV are going to give you all a good spanking. And I mean a GOOD spanking.
But seriously, Robinez, you’re way out of line there. I’m surprised. In fact, I can hardly believe those comments came from you. I mean, lord knows we’re all sick to death of your feud with sarcasatire, but this? Icegirl is entirely within her rights to make fun of the people on this television show in the way she wants. What’s the big deal?
I mean, if I took it personally every time someone made fun of one of the hordes of New Jersey-born reality TV contestants, I’d never get ANY sleep.
Next thing, you people are going to tell me I can’t laugh at the finger-to-the-sky crowd anymore.
So please: knock it off, will you?
FWIW, I think icegirl’s been a good sport about all this.
Oops, I take that back. Her joined date is 8 Jan. Maybe her name is similar to someone elses? Maybe I am just senile? Yep, probably that last thing.
Crabby!
I wonder how many people the America’s Ultimate Beauties recap brought new to this site???
Snootchy, I have also seen an ‘icegirl’ around. I don’t know my join date…but I do know I commented for months before creating a login. Com’on guys, its only fun when we go after the rambling pageants moms. Robinez, I think you misunderstood what icegirl is saying. We need CandyMandySam to deflect the infighting.
Geez. There was absolutely nothing out of line with icegirls first post. And all the rest where just her defending herself. If that is what someone considers ignorance, bigotry, etc, thats just silly. Look I advocate for the downtrodden, voiceless, discriminated against every day, I am very sensitive to language which is discriminatory but guess what? I come to TVgasm to blow off steam, laugh my ass off (yes, at the expense of those whove put themselves in the spotlight to be made fun of), and remember to not take the world so seriously. this is a forum where its ok to make fun of others, and as long as posters are respectful towards one another I say its free reign on these reality idiots. I have seen plenty of comments on here that I consider crossing the line, racist, insensitive, etc. But im not here to enact social justice, just to have some fun. Some of you should lighten up!
Just gotta say, I rarely post, but DC, your TnT recaps have been a constant source of entertainment since it began andI just want to thank you. I had never watched this atrocious show, just read your recaps until the Alexes thing, and well, I just had to after the recap and cand-showing-her-ass and now I think ill watch this one too! Happy Sunday everyone!
Icegirl has always been me but I never registered until a few days ago.
Thanks for defending me y’all.
You’re probably thinking about IceQueen, ace recapper. I’m imagining Icegirl as her young but oh so eager sidekick.
Goosfraba, peeps! I’m afraid that we are overlooking what we are really here for – to watch trashy television filled with trashy/hillbilly/delusional people and then snark on it because it’s fun!
If you don’t like someone’s comment, scroll past it. There’s no reason to attack folks. I think I counted 2 separate wars up there – that isn’t what Toddlers and Tiaras is about. T&T is about cheap plastic crowns and cash stapled to a paper plate!
(and here’s the bitchy part of my comment – but only one) I also don’t think that anyone should get up in anyone’s business about their grammer in the comments of a website. I’m no grammarian and I never did like English class, but I know the difference between hilljack talk (like my relatives) and “proper” grammar. So what if I used a comma where a semi-colon should be or used an improper sentence structure? Read the comment, appreciate the humor and move on!
@dearcrabby – you’d better get going on the full recap so we have more commenting opportunities – the grammar fight is just becoming circular at this point and I need another oppotunity to improperly use a hanging participle or end a sentence with a preposition. =)
I’m done with the fuedin’. Now that I’ve reached middle age (presuming, of course, that I will have a relatively normal life span,) I just don’t have it in me to keep up a fight.
So on to something more important. Could someone please translate for me what the hell, “me honey boo boo child” means? ‘Cause I haven’t a clue.
I will admit that I do have another screen name for myself!! At the moment I am on my phone and logged into Facebook. I am away for the weekend, and my parents computer is a dinosaur!
I believe that with all the man/can/Sam BS going on that everyone is on edge. I know I am, still. I will be honest with that statement!! With that being said, I try not to use my real name because I do not want some crazy stalking me on the internet as well. I will say this again. I come here for the snark. Love dear crabby and her recaps of this show. I started watching this show because of her recaps!! I will make fun of the moms because of how they treat their kids on this showadmiy to calling kids brats. But I will not comment on how a kid looks. That is unfair and uncalled for. I have many memories of being a little girl Alanas age being picked because I was chubby and wore glasses.
Then again I was in tap, ballet, and dance classes, not pageants! We stopped doing all of those when I got to tall and started to hit my head on the ceiling of thr dance studio. Ok, so now everyone knows my actual name and some personal.stuff about me. Can we get back to the reason that we are all here, and that is for thix trashtastic show!! Mac is back this week! It is going to be awesome!!
I was surprised at how the child (Alana? The boo boo one) spoke. Her mother didn’t seem to speak that way. It was bizarre. Was I the only one that thought that maybe the child had Jerry Springer on the tv as a babysitter one too many times?
This business of labelling people as trolls when they haven’t said anything flagrantly nasty or combative about another commenter or said something simply unrelated to the rest of the thread is really bothersome. So what if icegirl had never commented before? That doesn’t in itself make someone a troll.
I am no expert on child development, but was Alana acting like a six-year old? Her mental ability didn’t seem to be quite where it should be, but I could be very mistaken. She seemed to be quite immature. Can someone more qualified on the subject than me enlighten me?
@icegirl, I don’t think she would be the top girl in her class but she didn’t seem developmentally behind to me.
Just in case… I’m still willing to spank anyone who feels they deserve it.
No one?
Ruh roh. I thought we were back to snarking on the show and not each other. While I slept the war raged on, however, it looks like things have simmered down again. Woo hoo! I love this site because of the recappers like Crabby and the folks that comment on the recaps/shows… NOT each other. Do I have to start singing some Beatles’ tunes lol?
By the way, I am newISH here and enjoy it so much I hope to be family someday. Erg I think I just made myself throw up a little in my mouth. SAP-PY!
itchy…I’m uncomfortable having that discussion on a thread about children’s pageants. Perhaps we can move it to a more appropriate comment thread…but not Survivor, because then we would have to put up with Benji’s pygmies getting involved. And then we’d ALL be uncomfortable.
I want to thank Chicken Lips and everyone else who is trying to stop all the slapping and hair-pulling in here. Remember my sad childhood as an orphan? It left me with a complete inability to tolerate conflict, and all this bickering has left me in a fetal position behind the sofa.
Maybe we can all put our arms around each other and sing Kumbaya? That could lead to campfire s’mores, which are even more awesome that Little Debbies. And then one of you can put a flashlight under your chin and tell a really scary story about Alana’s mother…instead of “Whoooo’s got my goldennn arrrmmmm?” I could be “Whooo’s got my polyester pants with the pilled and deteriorated material on the inner thigggghhhhhs?”
I’ll tell you a scary story…about all the s’mores being eaten, and none being left for us! Nooooooooooo!!!
Noooooo, catty! Nooooooo! We made s’mores using our firepit not long ago. So. Awesome. We decided it should become a weekly event, so I’ll call you the next time we make them.
Is there a s’mores flavored vodka yet?
I made a s’more in the microwave a few months ago. Not the same…yet still quite tasty. We should have a s’more off, Alice.
Don’t know about s’mores vodka, but my niece gave me an orange creme vodka for Christmas. A shot of that in the breakfast O.J. will certainly get the day off to a bright start.
Does anyone know if TVGasm will recap the new Tabatha show? Tabatha Takes Over? I adore her and can’t wait for the premiere.
I went to a conference in Boulder not long ago, and we found a place that had lots of different flavors of tequila. Maybe we could open up a bar right here and serve flavored vodka. The obvious starting flavors would be S’mores and Little Debbie snack cakes.
@ catty…I like the idea of a s’more off! Come on over!
We need somewhere on this site to hold a virtual party.
I think I’ll start one over in the forums.
Follow me!
@Alice, we all need to remember your tale of woe involving a rake. Indeed, you poor thing, you have suffered enough. Oh man, S’mores=love.
Off- topic, but tonight is the first new Absolutely Fabulous episode on BBC…hooray!
Party is up and running. Come on over
http://www.tvgasm.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&p=163840#p163840
These comments are crazy. Is this another story line? The nasty name calling on the toddlers and tiaras comment board? Seriously, we got the b-word, the arse-hole word, calling people bigots, etc. So lovely. Next we need a smack down in the parking lot like sports fans do. My my my, its getting crazy. The vodka talk helps, but the anger is still there. I thought this was supposed to be a funny site. Stuff thats going on here isn’t funny.
The only person that appreciates all my college is the student loan company, sallie mae. Grad school teaches you to say ordinary things with big words. Big words, big verbs.
@Comment #116, thanks for the Jesco update. That new wife better know how to cook them aigs good, if she wants to live to see tommorrow, that is.
The unparalleled level of pure white-trashery in Dancing Outlaw and The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia makes those two films required viewing for anyone who thinks pageant moms are among the lowest forms of humanity.
Crankyguy, I for one will be checking those films out pronto.
IF YOU KIDS DON’T START GETTING ALONG, I’M TURNING THIS CAR AROUND AND THEY’LL BE NO CAPE CANAVERAL FOR ANYONE!
Also – s’mores vodka? Count me in!
Finally – J-Mo did Tabatha’s Salon Takeover recaps were freakin’ hilarious (I was actually reading them last week and right now I’m watching the marathon on Bravo)…so I hope someone is taping her upcoming show…she rocks!
And double finally – I’m working on the screenshots – there were some good ones…
@cattyfan: you’re right, of course. How about we move the spankin’ over to the Bachelor thread instead?
I wish someone would give the Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia the moviegasm treatment. That family is both scary and fascinating…no matter how appalled I was by their actions, I watched the movie twice!
@kthxbai: I can’t imagine anyone marrying into that family. I thought they preferred to inbreed. lol
@maryedith, Netflix has Wild and Wonderful on streaming, and Dancing Outlaw, a PBS documentary, is available for rental on Amazon Instant Video. I’m gonna have to watch them again.
Of course my two favorite people to go into war do it during the football games. Dammit!
Fan-Ann…Ab Fab tonight? Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Life is good.
itchy…see you there.
OY! Is there someplace else we can go if we actually want to comment on the SHOW??? If I wanted to listen to little girls fight, I’d watch reruns of T&T!!!!!
Both of you quit trying to win and just stop already!
Oh no…… http://www.littleedenwood.com/CuteCamp.html
I love that the pageant is free and they are advertising that it is a chance to be on TV. Guess they don’t have too many people signing up.
@Victory – Oh, sweet jesus! Cute Camp??? If they have a seminar on how to shave your old male neighbor’s belly, I’m reporting this shit!
I think that “honey boo boo” line was fed to Alana by the producers. That’s why she looked so shy after she said it. When I ask my baby to “perform” for friends and family, she’ll sing a song or count and then have the same abashed smile as Alana did, especially when she gets a laugh or round of applause.
Eden’s performing at EVERY televised episode? Who the hell is Mickie fucking at TLC??
Ah. Thanks sarcasatire. That makes more sense.
But I still have no clue what it’s supposed to mean.
This show is so bizarre…
Thanks, Crabby! I will definitely be tuning in to the delight that is Tabatha, and I look forward to J-Mo’s recaps (if done). I’m also watching the marathon.
Working on the screenshots…woo hoooooo!
“Honey Chile” is a term of endearment or a phrase one adds to the end or beginning of a statement.(In the 80′s, it was accompanied by a *snap*.) “Ooooh, that fireman is hot! I wouldn’t mind handling HIS hose, honey chile!”
@Victory, OMG that cute camp! Mickie Wood is going to cover a Parent’s Code of Conduct? I wonder if it will include over-acting lessons for the camera when your child has a lock on the win. Mickie’s over-emoting ass made me want to slap her. She also badly needs some layout help on that entry form, what a mess. And she’s still pushing the totally tone deaf Cutie Patootie, a definite low point in my own viewing. My ears rang for days after hearing the “American Sweetheart” sing that dreck. When I see Mickie I just picture Mama Rose yelling ” Sing out June”!
Did anyone else notice that the Cutie Patootie Pageant’s Kentucky Superstar Pageant starts at 2:00 AM? That’s perfect – they can all roll out of the bars at last call and then compete. That might be worth me driving down for – I’m always looking for something to do after last call and getting the Granny’s omlette at Perkins is getting a little old…
Oh my heaven above, just went to that cute camp site, seriously, who the heck would buy the crap she’s selling. Crabby can’t wait for the full recap, I can’t get the show on demand yet. I can’t wait to bask in all the hillbilly glory!
Post #5 does not represent the snark or humor that comes out of this place. It was a diatribe. Nothing more.
And while I may be sorry for taking this thread ot and possibly disapointing some, I am not sorry for voicing my opinion or how I went about it. I truly wanted to bring attention to the hate filled spew. It infuriated me.
The hard part now is realising that all along I have been posting beside folks who agree with her. Yes, I know what some are going to say ;” Not what SHE said, but what you said”. Many comments that agree with Post#5 shoots down that argument.
Again, I do not appologise for what I said. I said what I thought at the time and I was mad. I am glad that icegirl took it so well. I have been called worse than a dumb bitch.
I also want to adress this Sarcas issue. There was no place, in either the body of my post or any underlying point’s that had anything to do with Sarcas. NONE. The only time I commented specifically to her was in RESPONSE to her “fucking asshole” comment. I explained my position point by point. No name calling, no big deal,
no problem. It seems that others bring this shit up more than we do. She isn’t my fav person and I am not her’s. But we have managed to together peacefully for quite some time. But, I guess those comments are too boring for some, so they don’t notice.
I bring this up because it pisses me off that my opinion is watered down and my anger is misdirected by the commenters here because of some fucking fued that doesn’t exist!
For goodness sakes, I was outraged and truly upset about the bile that I read. For anyone to think this had anything to do with anything other than what I wrote about bothers me to be honest. I had no hidden agenda.
Well, Robinez…I had been sticking up for you, as I agreed the tone and phrasing of post #5 was not humorous snark. It was just nasty, base name-calling. I didn’t realize I had “watered down” your opinion.
Rest assured, it won’t happen again.
Oh No! Please don’t misunderstand. I am up to my eyeballs in misunderstandings.
It just seems like every thread that Me and Sarcas are in together cancels whatever is said out. As if I have a hidden agenda when I post alongside her. This entire thread is a microcosm of that and the funny thing is, I never once said anything to her.
Cattyfan please go back and look at the thread. I hope you will understand what I meant. Because I certainly didn’t mean any disrespect. I am also Klassy enough to PM you if it was anything personal
Is the grammir police done gone yet? Cuz I been waitin to tell yall how I loves these recaps and comments and how my birfday was the day before today and I gots me some birthday cake vodka, but I ain’t got no degress so I was thankin they might be bullyin on me.
It was my fault the old squabble was brought back up. I plead fatigue, and apologize.
Now, let’s let it all go. There’s a party going on in the forum section, and you’re all invited. (that means you, too, icegirl.)
Cattyfan, you are sweet!
Geez, you would think June could find a coupon for a bottle of Suave and a 10 pack of combs. Even if she couldn’t, she’d only have to spend $2 at the dollar store. I never leave the house without, at the very least, combing my hair. And my mom always wore lipstick, even to the grocery store. Regardless of your size or station in life, one could attempt looking clean and as if they actually gave a shit about themselves. Wouldn’t it be confusing to a little kid to see “glitz & glamour” at all these pageants and then have a mom who doesn’t even make an effort?
Aw. The one thing I kind of liked about baseball bat mama was her inability to dress for the cameras. There was a spark of realness in that child that probably came from knowing that in the end coupon clipping was more important to her crazy mother than looking good. But — full disclosure — I often look in my car mirror and realize I’ve once again forgotten to comb my hair before I dashed out.
Robinez, I do want to weigh in in agreement with you that it seems people do bring up our past squabbles more often than you or I, and mostly with the intention of trying to keep things going. You and I have been posting together peacefully for quite some time and when we find ourselves on opposite sides of a debate, it seems some people try and stir the pot by trying to pit us against one another. But neither of us took the bait, so it’s all good.
I also wanted to point out that while I was uncomfortable by your post to icegirl (not because you took offense, but that you went ON the offense) but I didn’t want to say anything for fear of someone trying to allude to a long dead feud between you and me. Plus, I saw that itchy and DC had addressed it, so my two-cents wasn’t needed.
It wasn’t until I saw Catty’s comment, after things had died down that I was like “Come on, now…” And I posted to Catty, not to you. I didn’t even mention your name, as I didn’t want to call you out. I mentioned the name (“fucking asshole”) that icegirl was called but didn’t make a point of who said it because that was irrelevant. I just felt she was being ganged up on and now another person joins in on making the boards tense and uncomfy.
Anyway, it’s over and done with. The tension has died down and catty is inviting everyone to a party. For the record, no one is trying to downplay what you found offensive or unfunny in post #5. I just think spending more time discussing the post and not the postER is a better tactic.
And now that peace is restored..let’s all gather hands so that can Itchy can lead us in prayer..
I have already offered an apology for bringing up the past.
And I thought itchy was busy spanking people…
Back on the pageant topic, does anyone know what “H/M” means? It’s on the Eden Wood’s Cutie Patootie pageant application right after tanning & flippers. I figure it must be a holy grail as it is listed so closely to flippers & tanning.
I’m thinking H/M means ham and meatballs? Since this will be 200 – if I can type that fast — I’m really thinking it might mean Hair and Make Up. I’m totally not sure and might look like an idiot but for some reason it makes sense – which usually not much does for pageants!
@nelliebelle1197 – h/m means hair and makeup I think.
I meant to add to my post that I am newly posting at this site but have been reading these recaps for a while now and actually enjoy this more than the show! T&T is my guilty pleasure as I hate to admit I watch it but at the same time, I can’t take my eyes off of it! The recaps are so good here that after reading the first one a few weeks ago, I’ve been hooked on this site.. thanks crabby! I also love reading all the comments here and hope to start jumpin in on the convo more often but for now, I wanna say that all of you have me giggling alot and that is important to me at this time since I am battling cancer and spending alot of time online, reading forums and such these days while I recover from my last chemo treatment. (I find out this week if all the cancer is gone or not) – Anyways.. not meaning to write a chapter here.. thanks for reading and keep the comments coming as I love it
BTW – the wild wonderful whites are on showtime’s free preview right now for anyone who wants to catch some of the documentary. Have a good evening everyone and thanks again for the laughs!
@nelliebelle – Hair & Makeup
Alana’s mom looks like she’s eating her own face. Except, she probably already has, judging by the amount of lard she carries.
…was that mean? I think I can feel Karma making my belly flap thicken.
Sarcasatire,
I would like to ask you to also read the thread. Pay particular attention to your posts because sometimes we gain a different perspective of what actually happened when we re-read what we wrote.
Y’all Take Care. C*CK! (it is a family show)
Robinez
@Joy_Subtraction, I just about died choking on my beer while I read that. If your belly does thicken, just jiggle it and yell “honey boo boo child!” “holler for a dollar!!” and you’ll be good.
@Robinez, we’ve agreed. We’ve disagreed. We’ve agreed to disagree. Rather than look back, I prefer to just move forward. And move on.
Besides, my brain is occupied with wondering if Jesco White got married in a convenience store like one of his younger relatives did. I wonder why there isn’t a part 2 yet? Or a 6-part reality serious. Does TLC know what they’re missing?
*series* Damn you, autocorrect!
I have read, reread, and REREAD this thread and I don’t see that Sarcasatire or anyone else said anything offensive. Icegirl’s original comment called the people on the show out for being “hicks” with bad grammar which was nothing more than was said in the first paragraph of the minicap. She said that she knows foreigners who speak more correct English than the people on the show and that they aren’t doing a good job of representing for the South. I am from Georgia and live in Georgia and I took no offense at that. And why would the non-native English speakers she lives among take offense at the implication that they don’t speak English as well as native English speakers (but better English than the Georgians on the show)? What did seem offensive, and what did stick out to me was the “&*ing asshole” coming from Robinez. I seriously thought she might be joking at first. If you don’t regret saying that, Robinez, I don’t see why you seem to expect the rest of us to be so damn ultra-sensitive in our responses to your comments. And with your latest comment you yourself are in danger of reopening your “feud” that you accuse everyone else of continuing.
Sorry, Sarcas — you posted your response while I was typing.
Reality Serious is an oxymoron!
@crankyguy LOL That was the 1st thought I had too! And so many other people we both need to bread and butter pinkylink on just about every site that picked the story up!
@sarcasatire The story in that coal town news or whatever it was said he got married in his apartment.
For whoever was asking about Tabatha Takes Over… DearCrabby is right, I did recap the first season of that show, and then it was turned over to Medusa, who recapped the last two seasons of it (and did a fab job, too). If all is well, she will be doing it again, or perhaps a new recapper will make their mark there.
love, J-Mo
You know what? I have been posting on TVGasm for YEARS and I did not know until now that you could have a login name and password. Is that a new thing? I don’t understand how that could have gone over my head, I’ve just been filling out the Name and Email boxes this whole time lol.
Okay, back to the subject! How about those who are still angry call a truce? Please do, all this nastiness is taking the fun out of commenting.
And this is my new name. Since apparently I signed up but I forgot my password and email. Oops.
Cheers folks!
If you people want me to lead you in prayer, then we truly ARE entering the endtimes.
I lived in Georgia for a few months. But I spent most of the time dodging the pickup trucks trying to run me off the road on my motorcycle, so I never actually heard them speak. Except for this one time I made the mistake of going to a barber in Stone Mountain. BIG mistake. Although they were nice enough to give me a headstart. So there’s that.
They let you stay in Ga for that long?
No shit. But I was working in Atlanta (at the 666 Club, if anyone remembers that), where people were quite nice. As soon as I crossed city limits, however… brrr!
There’s Atlanta, and then there’s Georgia. They are two totally different places.
@MorganMoon, Good Luck with the cancer battle! Hope we can keep you entertained with the funny during your recovery.
Itchy- Do you mean 688 on Spring Street?
sarcasatire- So where did you get the Jesco marrying in a convenience store thing? I need to read. And I don’t think TLC or anyone else could develop a basic cable show about the horror show in W.VA. It would have to be on HBO or Showtime.
Thanks for the H/M definition. I, sadly, woke up this morning thinking “HAIR AND MAKE-UP!”
It might be the 688 — I’ve always remembered it as the 666, which is definitely more punk, but I worked there 30 years ago, largely under the influence, so yeah, that might be it. I seem to remember it had a sloped floor.
*giggles* it was 688. 666 would have been cooler but I don’t think the religious folks would have let that place stay around to long. Atlanta is still in the Bible Belt.
I am 3 1/2 hours from the Eden Wood pageant AND I have a just-turned-15yo daughter who loves snark (this site is too mature for her so she doesn’t get to share in this particular bit of snark) and would probably let me enter her in the pageant just for shits and giggles.
Sadly, she has Scholar Bowl this coming up weekend and even if she was willing to miss it I don’t know what we’d do for bathing suit or outfit of choice. I do have a scary collection of old prom dresses purchased for $1 each at a thrift store that she and her friends use as costumes for drama productions and halloween that she could wear for beauty. And they’d have to let us register at the door. Yikes, I’d have to get hair and make-up too. Never mind, this is way too much work.
“The sheriff wants to kill me cause I fxxked his wife!”..ok..this is kinda..ummm..completely off topic but I’m DONE with Tvgasm! Due to the comments on this post, I have subjected myself to watching The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. I mean, I had no idea what people where talking about & I hate to be in the dark when reading snark
OMGGGGG! WHAT THE HELL am I watching? Rednecks showing their babies with cigarettes in their mouths, a man being BURIED IN A BLOODY SHIRT that I’m assuming he was SHOT in, people admitting to not only being on drugs, but bragging about buying/selling them as well, questionable relationships & ‘closeness’ of RELATIVES, admitting to robberies, attempted murders, & covering up crime scenes???? I…I…I can’t..what the….when did…where did…Oh My Hoodness! Before I can pick my jaw up off the floor from something they say/do..another sentence is uttered which is even more mind blowing. I literally watched the movie with my mouth opened THE WHOLE TIME. Please moviegasm this movie so I can have someplace safe to discuss my feelings about this. I’m literally traumatized..btw..if there’s a sequel or other movies like this..LIST ALL TITLES & where they can be found please! This shit is awesome!!…Ok, what were we talking about? Oh yeah..pageant moms are freaks. NOW my post is relevant 
Only “Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia” will get this….
“Pagaents moms are THIS!”
I may start a thread on the forums dedicated to the Whites.
Wait…..you guys were serious? I thought you were making up something called “Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia”.
@Moli – Me too. But after reading fancyface’s comment, I’m scared.
Who the hell is Jesco and what the hell is the “Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginina?
I started a new topic in the forums for the Whites.
Whoa!
Pukeface is my catch all. I often use it most for Facebook references since folks feel the need to spew verbal diahrrea all over their reel, (sometimes guilty myself) as this twat did in her video “log of her own”. Get a my little pony diary with a lock on it and write it down, ya dumb bitch!
I think we need a Pet Intervention before that thing is duct tapped and found in the trunk.
Fucking bitch is working and out at bars? I couldn’t be more pissed off, not possible. Got away with murder.
Joy-Subtraction, I second that thought.
I hate this bitch so much I can’t even explain it in words. No mention of her kid? The haves have not a clue. Clearly she did not. Bitch.
“I started a new topic in the forums for the Whites.”
Are non whites allowed?
@nellie: The link kthxbai posted said he was married in his apt. But I remember in the film the ex-couple that showed where they were married and it was in that knock off Walmart. Then they got in the backseat and she flashed him her floppy breasts in hopes of him going home with her.
I love that so many people watched/liked this film. I’m glad I brought it up..now I hope it gets moviegasm’d! In the meantime, I’ll go hang with sheesh in the forums so we can really get down and dirty. (Not sniffing crushed pills off the back of a toilet seat dirty, but still..)
Ummm..methinks Gypsy posted on the wrong thread lol
From Dancing Outlaw, Jesco tells about the advice he gave his wife on how to cook his eggs. This predates Wild and Wonderful by about eighteen years.
http://www.ovguide.com/video/jesco-white-on-sloppy-eggs-922ca39ce10036ba0e1114a261fc0b94
OMG @Moli, Snoochy, & Icegirl!! I kept reading about the WWWs of WV in the comments & was confused as heck, so of course..GOOGLE..& JACKPOT..it’s streaming on Netflix. It’s a documentary about the most insane, hilljack, redneck family I have ever heard of. It’s worth it’s weight in gold. It’s slightly terrifying how um, umm, ummm..how can I say this? Batshit Ignorantly Insane this WHOLE family is! And the ‘normal’ town-folk giving commentary about the family as they show them druggin, boozin, & killin is priceless. I beg of you..WATCH it, then join Sheesh in the forum!!
Okay, the 688 it is. This explains why I could never find any info on the club!
Ok, so it isn’t White’s as in the race…its their last name. fancyface…google took me to their wiki page, thanks for the suggestion. Think I know what I’m going to watch tonight:)
@classy.
Hahahahahaha! See you there!
@Sheesh..I can’t find a thread in the forum about the whites. What’s the link?
@Moli, I’m thinking the title is a play on words.
I mean, who can get into a two day shootout with police and only end up arrested?
The Whites!
I am a loyal fan of DC, but I have only commented a few times. I remembered a comment I made after watching the Cutiepatootielooza episode in the summer. I predicted their would be a “Cutie Patooie Shave n’ Tan Emporium” in a Wal-Mart lobby near you. After reading the above comments about Eden’s executive pageant director postion I would like to double down on my prediction. If it comes true, I will immediately start my career as an operator on the Psychic Friend Network, proving to the world that dreams really do come true. PS. Commas are my favorite!
Hmmmm I see no one bothered to lead the prayer so here goes .. ( in my old black sassy woman voice which is not offensives because I’m an old black sassy woman)
Dear laaawd first I want you to overlook all the spelling mistakes because I’m doing this from my kindle fire and.you know how small the keyboardbis and that I have fingers like jot sausages because of my pressure. And since we are all made in your image we have something in common. Oooo lawd.why is the period next to the space bar on this thing so I have to keep backspacing after every word. Ooo lawd please don’t let this site turn into TWOP with those pretentious unfunny assholes have banned me from their site twice. Lawd bless all the recappers andy keep snark in their hearts. Watch over Robinez cause I have a soft spot in ky heart for her as she once cussed out a troll on my behalf and I love her for it. And bless sacrasite that one day I willbe able to pronounce her screenname. She make me so smart lawd with her big words and obscure movie references. I love her too. Please stop by the TVGasm grapes of wrath who drank all the kool aid did Bobby brown have a stroke I love themiki recaps no I did not spell or grammar check this post Baptist Church. Meet us in our dying hour aaamen.
@sarcasatire…LMBO! Who can shoot their uncle (?) in the face twice, once in the shoulder, steal a car & guns, have a standoff with the police, get arrested, & think that he’ll only get minimum time & could possibly go home after sentencing?
The Whites!
http://www.tvgasm.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=21642
It’s in the general chat forums
@faye, I love you! That was amazing
( in my old black sassy woman voice which is not offensives because I’m an old black sassy woman)…Faye….OMG…you are killing me.
@Faye
CAN I GET AN AMEN!? AMEN!
J-Mo: Thanks for the Tabatha update!
@Gypsy: Wrong forum or not I know of what you speak. Try living in the same city where it all went down! Sad/horrifying/infuriating.
Yesss. I’m on a Tabatha Salon takeover marathon today. Can’t wait for recaps of her Takeover!
@captain: Tabatha rocks! I will miss the salons, though. I’m very pleased some will still be “taken over”.2
@Faye – not being a sassy old black woman (I’m a halfway sassy almost middle age pasty white girl), please don’t take any offense when I say: Preach it, sister! =)
Holy Batman did those comments get ugly. They were almost as ugly as Jaba Mama.
@Amy– haha, i was wondering about your name! Well, I’ll look forward to chatting with you in the Takeover Comments!
Does AmyGivsnarkachance=AmyCantdecideonaname?? Brilliant!
Thank you Pastuh Faye for a wonderful prayer! The Good Laawd has blessed me with book learnin’ and a passion for the indies, praise him! I loves Harpo, Lawwd knows I do…oh wait, where was I? Oh, mah name..Sarcas-Satire. I just dropped the M from sarcasm and the S from satire and made it one word. One BIG word, praise Jeebus!
@chickenlips all are welcome at the church. Besides once af work I spent 30 minutes with a coworker learning to shoot the white girl deuce. We must learn from each other its the only way. Just curl your lip to one side with the bottom one sticking out slightly roll your eyes to he top of your head put your right finger up and say shit that makes no sense like “don’t go talking bout my man ain’t no good when you don’t know the last time you fried a chicke” You are now in Sassy Old Black Woman 101
Just wanted to agree with those who thought icegirls comments were over the top hateful. I was glad some people were brave enough to call her out about it. She really took all the fun out of this recap for me.
I never realized how sensitive southerners can be. This explains everything!
Especially with you going around telling the neighbors you worked at the 666. Everytime you said hi, they probably screamed, “I rebuke thee!”
Ah yes, good times…
@Faye-Hilarious. Amen
Yikes how did my Casey Anthony comment end up here? WTF?
Where is the recap?!?!?!
Flora, I am sorry if you thought my comments were hateful. It wasn’t necessary to say that I ruined the recap for you because I highly doubt that I did. You didn’t need to take my comments so personally.
True story, Itchy. I was in line behind a older couple in a Tennessee fast food place for breakfast when the counter girl told them that they owed $6.66. They were horrified and ordered another coffee to cleanse the total amount of its bad mojo. I made a comment to the girl when it was my turn, and she said it happens every time $6.66 comes up. What I want to know is how they could be sure that the $6.66 portion of the order wasn’t irrevocably cursed.
@Faye– J’adore!! I’m new to commenting here (please don’t hurt me anybody)because I have been using my iPad and couldn’t get through (grrr) I’m a sassy old white woman and I love DearCrabby, J-Mo and the other recappers to Dayeath! I am currently rereading goldie oldie recaps of T&T and TC and laughing myself silly.
I live on a lake in northern Wisconsin, and once away from shore we hear lots of banjo music. We kid about the hilljack neighbors, but keep our heads down when we meet them on the road. Yikes. So they are not confined to the south. Undereducated toothless wonders are everywhere. And Please, could we get the latest T&T full recap soon? Excited about Tabatha. YAY!
@captain: I’ll be there! I may have to watch it tomorrow (the horror!), but that’s why DVRs were made
@fancyface and captain: Yup. The Amy(insert multiple names here allrunningtogether) posts were mine. I believe I’ve finally found “The One”, though. I seem to spend half my life saying, “Oops…f*cked up again. My bad!” lol. So the new one might actually stick!
@crankyguy: I’m just imagining that couple in the car on the drive home afterwards. In my imagination, the ride home was eerily silent as they pondered their flirtation with the dark side.
@MorganMoon This is totally the best site on the whole internets for anybody that’s got medical problems.
It’s the only 1 that you can count on it making you laugh till you have to take another pain pill just for your face.
It also makes you count your blessings because no matter what kind of sorry shape your health’s ass is in, there’s all these people that are so much worse off even though it’s in other ways.
Plus you get to see how with all your problems you’re still making better fashion choices. Even than the 1s that spend more $ on lunch than your house note is.
And without a stylist so you also end up having a mess of personal affirmation.
I grew up in Southern WI and used to work summers up north. Never saw a “hilljack” or an “undereducated toothless wonder” at any time.
Now most of the lakes in Northern Wisconsin are now populated with moderately well-off retirees and snobby vacationers from Chicago.
Will there be a recap? Is everything okay?
Everything is ok! Every time crab starts to post, the site tanks. UGH. We have been working on some upgrades, which have turned into craziness. The recap will be up in the late morning! Sorrz! Flip
Grrrr… I blame the Incarnations of Candes.
@flipit-thanks! I was getting worried…that Crabby went into hiding! I heart Crabby, and all her snarkiness!
Have ya’ll seen the video of Isabella barrett at TMZ? She’s in a nightclub singing “Sexy and I know it” – http://www.tmz.com/2012/01/11/isabella-barrett-toddlers-and-tiaras-nightclub-sexy-and-i-know-it/#comments-anchor
I read that Drag Race contestant Shangela is going to be on T&T. I read that they danced to a song of hers on either T&T or Dance moms, I forget. Either way, I love that drag queens are mentoring pageant tots. They do wear the same style of makeup and clothes so it is a natural fit.
Shangela actually appearred on Dance Moms, she’s the one who taught Nia the “death drop”
Did anyone watch yesterday’s episode with Makenzie yet? Poor Prince. That poor cat was trying to get away from Makenzie the whole time. I actually felt bad for the little guy. Hailey, was gorgeous, my mouth dropped when I saw that girl. That girl is going to go far, because she seemed pretty smart too.
“I’m the boss now because I’m famous!” Alana
Oh for the love of Honey Boo-Boo Child!
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/01/toddlers-tiaras-pageant-crack-mom-alana-holler-honey-boo-boo-go-go-juice
What episode was Isabella Barrett in? I can’t remember her for the life of me.
What was the deal with the big coupon mom holding the baseball bat??
@fatgirlsrule…apparently she does another number for outfit of choice where she plays Babe Ruth; T&T just never showed it.
When I saw the bat, I wanted to tell that little girl in the meat bikini to RUN. Luckily, she took it off before she had a chance to get clubbed, and all was right with the world.