-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- labowner: A pole dancer?
- snowshoecat: @Labby, Itchy is the opposite of a theology degree.
- SororSalsa: Mark’s overdancing drives me CRAZY!!!! I usually end up disliking who he’s partnered with because of...
- Robin: “Neighbors spend hours in a a rubble of buildings trying to locate people and...
- Flipit: Just watched “Behind the...
- labowner: Remember not all Walmarts carry hard liquor. Chicken the clothes shall be sent to said...
- Chicken Lips: It always comes down to who raises the most money no matter what...
- Chicken Lips: Oh and @snow – of course no Goose – we are talkin’ Great Value Vodka...
- Chicken Lips: @lab – isn’t People of Walmart already filled with people on Rascals chowing...
- Prairie Dawn: I totally agree Penn was a better all around player with consistently...
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
- "Joan Rivers looks like Mickey Rourke's mother." #CelebApprentice Recap goo.gl/nBgAw @nbc @ApprenticeNBC 5 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @idlyitw @hollywoodlife @justjared @okmagazine @wesmirch @celebslam @snarkypeople @ohnotheydidnt 6 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @huffpostceleb @star_news @celebuzz @thesuperficial @dlisteddotcom @egotastic @hellomag 6 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @perezhilton @hitchmichael @peoplesrev @fanpagelist @tmz @thgossip @eonline @gawker @popsugar 6 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @cookster74 @timmonslisa @lifeonthemlist @radar_online @maryforrest @ericzuley @kay819 6 hours ago
- @stoopidhsewives LOVE YA 6 hours ago
- I hope TLC has a lot of insurance. Maybe Vicki Gunvalson is working as a producer. #BreakingAmish Recap #http://wp.me/p32IkA-15Fb# 7 hours ago
- Minicap: RHOC goo.gl/vxRX2 9 hours ago
- Newlyweds Minicap: It's VD!!! goo.gl/Na3N2 9 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! goo.gl/4A3id Courtney Stodden Sex Tape, Miley Song @stoopidhsewives @adasheart @chris_lala @whatcrappens 12 hours ago
- Lifetime has an odd definition for extreme #top10tv #extrememoms #lifetime goo.gl/pFZ0R 18 hours ago
- Minicap: DWTS goo.gl/MSbyK 21 hours ago
- In case my internet goes down. #top10tv #cheerleading #worlds #espn goo.gl/mPifG 1 day ago
- Britany reminds me of a lost, saggy diaper baby that you see wandering around at Kmart @HelloAly #modelemployeehttp://goo.gl/LPZ8G@VH1 2 days ago
- Cyrus Beene is my favorite magical sparkle bunny #Scandal goo.gl/83Grt @ScandalABC @jscandalp @georgenewbern @Miss_Jess03 2 days ago
- Nia is a trash bag full of crab-ridden c words. #RealWorld Recap @mtv goo.gl/VFTeG 3 days ago
- Can't take my eyes off you, indeed. #LazarosPackage #AmericanIdol Recap goo.gl/bakRA 4 days ago
- @timmonslisa love to the timms! 4 days ago
Sunday, September 11, 2011
2:38 am
32 Comments
Hey Hey Gasmii. TheMiki here, taking the reins for TCJD due to… Actually, I’m not sure. Flipit tells us to do stuff and we just sorta do it. He’s like Charlie and all us recappers are his angels, except instead of fighting crime we drink and instead of a loudspeaker he uses email. I hope that whatever is keeping Pottymouth from finishing off the season is something awesome like winning the lottery or scoring an awesome job or being proposed to by Hugh Jackman. Pottymouth is one of my favorite cappers, so I’m a bit nervous about trying to fill her shoes. Direct all hate mail to Flipit.
So my roommate and I have been playing a game all season, and maybe you guys can help us out. The game is called, “What the fuck is wrong with Craig and who the fuck does Matthew look like???” So far neither one of us has come up with a satisfying answer to either question, but we’re pretty sure Craig’s issues have something to do with oxygen deprivation at a very young age.
Possibly as the result of marathon swirlies in elementary school, which would also explain the hair
In case you guys forgot, Rebecca fractured her wrist (and babbled about it all episode), Craig sucks, and Orlando is an asshole. That’s about it so far. I’m pulling for Matthew and Sally, but it’s early and no one’s really standing out too far as being especially likable. We’re aiming more for not-dislikable at this point really. And aside from Jafar no one seems to be anxious to play the role of villain this season either. I miss Seth, you guys.
Best. Meltdown. Ever.
Let’s jump right into the action, because this episode is starting off with a Quickfire. Oh, and guess who’s here to judge???
Hugh-nibrow from TC Masters!!!
I’m not sure who told Hugh that a man of his stature could pull off a lavender tee under a cardigan, but I’m pretty sure that whoever it was is laughing hysterically at their T.V. right now. We’re pimping gum today, because Biggest Loser is on the off-season they take for about five weeks a year and someone’s gotta pimp that Extra.
I hear this stuff only has five calories and will satisfy my cravings for deep fried cheesecake
Today’s challenge is to create a dessert to inspire a new flavor of Extra Dessert Delights Gum. Free pimpage from TheMiki: The mint chocolate chip flavor is fucking awesome! Anyway, Craig tells us he likes gum, and desserts, and ponies and rainbows… Gail tells the chefs they have to fit their finished desserts on itty bitty plates, and the winner will score 25k and the honor of having their recipe made into a gum.
Is it that difficult to make a dessert and then cut a little piece off to put on one of these plates?
Ready? Go!
Dude! He’s choking himself. Oxygen deprivation is looking more and more likely
Amanda tells us about her boyfriend and her liking pina coladas, so she’s gonna make a pina colada. That’s a super innovative gum flavor there. Dumbass. Craig is making pancakes, which is better than pina colada and all, but it’s not even a dessert. Matthew and Chris chase each other around the kitchen giggling like school-girls while Melissa complains and Megan complains about her complaining, which makes me giggle.
So do you have a date to the Winter Formal yet…?
Time… Is… Up!
Rebecca is up first. Hey did you guys know she broke her wrist? Cause she totally did. And she made a panna cotta that neither judge seems impressed with. But she made it with only one hand. Because one of her hands doesn’t work. Because she broke it.
Putting something that looks like vomit in a white porcelain bowl might have been a mis-step.
Craig’s pancakes seem to go over well
Even his dessert has a faux-hawk
Sally made a passion fruit pina colada which Gail says is very tart and Sally whips out the crazy eyes and tells her she WANTED it TART.
eep! Don’t hurt me
Matthew made an oatmeal cookie parfait, which Hugh-nibrow says is a bit on the sweet side
Amanda made a pina colada, cause she’s so damn innovative
Not that I wouldn’t eat the shit out of some coconut rum mousse…
Carlos made passion fruit gelee with coconut tapioca, so essentially he made a fucking pina colada. This is retarded. His is totally the prettiest though
Melissa made a white coffee thing and I can’t hear the rest because I’m drooling. I’m such a sucker for coffee.
The million dollar question upon reading the description: What the hell is that red thing in the corner?
Katzie, who clearly doesn’t like Melissa, makes this face at the mention of her dessert along with some bitchy mean girl comments
Pastry chefs are classy
Katzie made something really complicated that looks terrible
A cup full of dirt that’s actually growing sprouts. Mmmmmmm
Nelson made a black forrest dessert, so cherries and booze, which is my kinda gum
Hold the cherries, please
Okay, time to call out the looosahs. Rebecca, not enough flavors. Melissa, no one wants gum that gives them coffee breath. Matthew, tasted like a super sweet granola bar.
Matthew takes losing super well though
Winners: Craig (ha!) because the pancake idea was original and the flavors would come through as a gum. Nelson’s cherries and booze flavor was a winner, and Carlos’ dressed up pina colada was also tasty. And the winner is… Craig. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
We’re as shocked as you are, buddy
Dumbledork just won $25k. Gail asks him what he’s gonna do with the money and he says he’s going shopping. He really should think about going to the orthodontist, but let’s face it, better teeth are not going to make that boy do-able. He should probably just shop. Or buy a hooker.
Yeah, Hooker. Final answer.
For the elimination challenge they’ll be splitting into two teams. Craig gets to choose the captains, and he chooses himself and Amanda.
Team Craig is: Sally, Matthew, Orlando (who bitches immediately about how much Craig sucks), Nelson, and Rebecca
I’m trying really hard to establish myself as the villain this season
Team Amanda is: Chris, Carlos, Meghan, Katzi, and Melissa, who is always picked last.
***sad horns***
This week’s elimination challenge is to create a dessert table presentation for Real Housewife Lisa VanDerPump’s husband’s restaurant. Dammit! I watch none of this housewife crap. Anyway, Real Husband of Beverly Hills tells the chefs that his wife Lisa loves pink and fresh flowers and her little midget dog Jiggy.
The chefs must prepare no more than six desserts as a team and present them all as a cohesive table for the celebration. Lisa and some other Real Housewives will by by to judge the next day.
Will I go to hell if I point out that Asian people should never look at dogs this way?
Team Dumbledork is muttering about shades of pink and raspberries. Craig tries to be a leader cause that’s his job and his teammates are all pretty nice about pretending to listen to his ideas. It’s like watching a bunch major league ball players getting coached by some kid who won a special prize from the Special Olympics. I predict there will be a lot of smiling and nodding, followed by dismissal, on Team Dumbledork.
Pretend to listen pretend to listen
Over on Team Bitchypants, which I’ve just named them cause they all look so damn curmudgeony, they’re arguing about colors and not listening to each other. I feel really bad for Carlos, who looks both annoyed and hopeless, but I assume his personal skills will be enough to pull him through when his team eats shit.
The planning phase is over and it’s time to hit the kitchen. Six hours to cook! Team Dumbledork is on point and working well so far. Team Bitchypants still doesn’t even know what they’re going to make, so team captain Amanda steps up and leads the charge or some shit. I don’t know. She tells us via narration that she stepped up and lead the charge but all I see is her talking to her teammates until Chris tells her that she’s the captain and to tell them what to do and they’ll do it.
Okay, everyone stand around looking pissed. Go!
Over on Team Dumbledork, Captain Craig is making a lemonade and gets done early so he can help his team. Sally lets him pipe her macaroons, but only after slowing him down and walking him through the process very slowly.
Sally is so obviously a teacher, and it seems to be serving her well on Top Chef. Orlando, who Pottymouth pointed out looks just like Jafar and who shall henceforth be known as Jafar, is making a pulled sugar chandelier centerpiece. Okay, Jafar is an ass, but this pulled sugar blown glass thing is doing is fucking amazing. I am officially impressed.
Bro, after this could you make me a sugar bong?
Team Bitchypants has Chris working on a chandelier as well, but his is massive and made from bamboo and PVC pipe. Katzie is making dog treats for Jiggy as a little something extra, and I pray that she knows what foods are toxic to dogs even though they’re perfectly safe for humans. Jiggy looks like he weighs roughly 8.3 ounces, and one bite of chocolate could easily send him to doggy heaven.
And yes, dog bones look kinda like a penis inkblot
Side note: Katzi makes small talk with Melissa about whether she had a dog when she was a kid and Melissa rolls her eyes and looks at her like she’s stupid. Psssst!!! Melissa!!! I think we might be getting to the bottom of why you’re always picked last.
Hint: It’s cause no one likes you
Nelson is making dog-head lollipops that look kinda demonic. Problem #1 with this idea is that the lollipops look like minions of the dark lord. Problem #2 is that even if Nelson whips out the mad sculpting skillz, does anyone want to EAT A LOLLIPOP IN THE SHAPE OF A DOG HEAD?
El Chupacabra on a stick
Melissa gives Craig props for trying really hard to be a team leader, and I actually think that Craig might be the best man for the job. Everyone is nice to him because they’re scared he might cry or have a Seth-Redhots-breakdown, but no one expects him to really contribute, so they all make sure they’re busting their butts. Is this why every manager I had when I worked in restaurants was always so bloody incompetent?
Melissa is burning stuff repeatedly, so she’ll have to redo her dish tomorrow. Everyone else looks to be on track though. And with that day one draws to a close. Whip out that Glad Family of Products and wrap those deserts up so you can roll them into your GE Refrigerator. Extra sugar free gum.
The next morning… Jafar sleeps in glasses. Hmmm….
Otherwise his dreams are blurry?
Amanda is sick and she can’t smell or taste or think straight. Nelson solves a Rubix cube in what looks like a very short period of time, and the nerd in me suddenly is on board for Team Nelson. Hell yeah for the dork smarts.
Dude just got so much cooler
Off to the kitchen, Melissa is bitching about having to redo some of her dish but says that Amanda has been a great leader. Amanda still doesn’t feel great so she sends Chris out to present. Good call… And they should probably send Matthew out for Team Dumbledork, but I doubt that’s gonna happen. Oh well.
Nelson has decided he doesn’t like the way his demon hellspawn dog-head lollipops look, so he’s wrapping them in pink chocolate with a pouf of cotton candy. Last minute he decides to throw in a pink chocolate side dish as well. I’m just happy that the creepy dog-head on a stick thing didn’t happen. Even done really well it would look like a warning to other dogs not to mess with Team Dumbledork.
Semi-creepy, but at least it’s not impaled on a stick
The chefs are setting up the tables. Not much of interest there. No fights, nothing breaks, no one cries… Weak sauce.
I remember this slide from STD week in health class
In walk the guests of honor. They say things like, “Lovely” and “Beautiful” as they point and gush at things. Back in the kitchen Melissa is struggling with a component that won’t set all the way or something, but she says it tastes amazing. Cause that always works out on Top Chef.
Jiggy is a tough nut to crack
Gail introduces the judging committee, which is half real housewives and half actual chefs. The chefs are the ones whose faces move when they have emotions, just in case anyone gets confused.
Love him
Team Bitchypants presents first. Amanda starts everyone off with some booze.
Good thing there’s champagne at the bottom cause that’s the only way you’d get me to drink buttermilk foam
Carlos made a cigar
I understand two of those words…
Katzi made a macaroon getting it’s temperature taken
So the little dropper is filled with mint oil that you drizzle over the cookie. Seeing something syringe-like on her plate, the blonde housewife forgets she’s not at one of her Injectables Parties…
Oh thank god! My lips were beginning to deflate.
Melissa made a white chocolate brownie that the housewives like, which makes Melissa happy
It’s a shame someone had to come along and… Oh never mind
Megan made a pink velvet cake with chocolate mousse
This one too? I feel like I’m on the set of Top Chef on Skinimax After Dark
Team Bitchypants finishes things up by presenting Jiggy with a doggy treat, which is actually pretty cute and a good game move.
Jiggy approves. You may all live.
Here’s the complete table for Team Bitchypants.
It’s time for Team Dumbledork. Their deserts are prettier right off the bat.
That thing is the middle is Jafar’s sugar-piece. Yeah. Awesome.
And then the morons cover it with stupid flowers **Facepalm**
Sally is up first
A bloody turd in a pile of spittle. Lovely.
Hugh-nibrow yells at her because her sorbet is melting. I think it’s unfair to blame a chef for ambient room temperature, but that’s why I’m not a judge
Matthew is up next
“Entremet” means small dish, in case anyone else was wondering
Nelson is up with his lollypop
I’ll take gross looking over nightmare-inducing, so this is an improvement
Craig’s lemonade is up, and it’s not good
The housewives chastise him for creating a dessert that they can’t consume without messing up their lipstick. They also appear to not like the taste all that much.
Rebecca made a chocolate beet cake. Gross
That sounds absolutely disgusting, but everyone seems to enjoy it.
She also made a rhubarb rose crisp.
Garnished with wood shavings for the rustic down home taste
The chefs get scolded for not making anything for Jiggy, and it’s looking like Team Bitchypants might be coming in for the surprise win.
Jiggy grows weary of your non Jiggy related desserts. Jiggy shall destroy you all.
In this week’s “We’re back, psyche! No we’re not!” Bravo moment, there’s some hijinks over Johnny Troubador talking about Chris’ tart being too firm, and Mrs. Vanderpump telling him he can’t say things like that. Hilarity.
Don’t roll your eyes, forty year old man with a wallet chain.
We’re back for reals this time, and the Real Housewives are choosing the winning team. There’s some blah blah back and forth about the pros and cons of each team, but they manage to come to a decision. They bring the chefs back out, and the winning team is… Team Bitchypants. Nice, with the come from behind win. Amanda is a little peeved that they called them “Chris’ Team” when it was her team, but that’s what she gets for getting the flu.
With their coats open they look ready to lead a gay 90′s marching band
Time for judge’s table and some scolding of Team Dumbledork. They get told that their table was a little too young and whimsical for a refined woman. Nelson gets told his lollipops were too sweet. Sally gets yelled at for not being able to control the temperature at which sorbet melts. YouBear tells Craig that his lemonade was terrible and Hugh-nibrow says that he would have gotten rid of him because he didn’t do anything. Melissa jumps in to defend him and say that he helped out with all sorts of things and he did a lot for the team. He has immunity anyway, but it’s nice that these people are being nice to him because I doubt that happens very often.
Craig sad-face
So now the judges deliberate. Melissa is probably safe, since her crumble went over really well. Jafar is definitely safe because his sugar pulling was top-notch. Gail is a bit upset about how he tarted up his centerpiece with a bunch of stupid flowers, but I can’t imagine they would send him home over that. Clearly it’s either Sally or Nelson leaving. Even though Nelson’s dorkiness has endeared him to me, I’m still pulling for Sally.
Craig’s trying not to cry face
Judging time!!!! Rebecca and Matthew get sent back to the stew room right away because they did really well. Craig gets told he made the worst dish and would be going home if he didn’t have immunity, but he does have immunity so he can go back too.
You’re safe from elimination, but you’re getting a swirlie after class
The chef leaving is…
Nelson. Aww… I kinda liked him. Back in the stew room Craig is whining about how Johnny was mean to him and Jafar busts out and tells everyone to shut up and keep their sad stories top themselves, and we close on Jafar sitting in the corner glaring all Bond Villain style.
I’ll get you, Gadget!
Okay, poll time. Is everyone on this show so nice to Craig because…
a. They are actually decent human beings
b. They are the first contestants in the history of reality television to realize that people will judge them for the petty shit they do while cameras are rolling
c. They’ve seen Full Metal Jacket
Thanks for reading everyone. I think this is the first time in the years I’ve been recapping that I’m working on a show I actually like, so this is a strange experience for me. Hope everyone is enjoying the recaps and the Top Chef. I’ve gotta say that season two is so much less cool than season one so far. No crazies, no mean girl cliques, and no Morgan to piss off everyone else. Let’s hope someone has a melt-down soon here.
TV Social
-
32 Comments
Great recap, Miki! If you are going to hell for the Asian/dog comment then I am, too, cause I laughed my ass off! As for the poll, “c”, defs, although I thought Craig was really sweet this episode and tried really hard to be a good team leader. I doubt he gets that chance very often. As far as desserts go, can someone tell me why the judges are always complaining that they are sweet? Isn’t that the point of dessert?
Loves it. Found this episode enjoyable and the recap even better…with intentional humor. I pretty much agree with most of your points. The rest of the pack that isn’t getting called out a lot needs to shape up and start being more interesting and making better desserts because right now I just see a sea of privileged white adults churning out generic pastries with French names for the extra components. Jafar needs to start being an evil villain instead of just occasionally being mean or he’s never going to become sultan.
I know this puts me in the minority, but I think Craig is ADORABLE and I would totally tap that. There, I said it!
…It’s probably a Florence Nightingale syndrome thing…
Great recap, Miki! I also hope PM won the lottery, instead of other not awesome reasons to not complete a recap. I’m glad that some of the cheftestants are standing out early, because even in the third episode I’m still wondering where half these people came from when they pop up with their talking-head confessionals. “Wait…who is that? Have they been here the whole time? Nelson-who?”
I agree with LaPetiteChanteuse that Jafar needs to step it up! Unless he’s an ass all the time, these out of the blue comments make him just look mean and unlikeable, not the likeable monsters we hope to see!
I like Craig, too. I think he’s really sweet and genuine and he tries so hard. When they announced there would be a 25k quickfire reward I thought wouldn’t it be hilarious if he won and he did! Poor thing, he really can’t cook, though. Or at least not at the level of the other competitors. I hate Orlando.
That centerpiece Orlando did was beautiful…..I don’t understand why they covered it in flowers!
@lindaw I know!! They were entirely right to call out Craig’s team on the madness of the flowers EVERYWHERE. They’re table was so much prettier when it was simple.
Okay, I loved the recap, TheMiki! I don’t know about the guys but I think the women feel a little motherly towards him….I mean, the guy is already so hard on himself and tries to make up for his lack of skills by helping everyone.
Orlando (Jafar) is mean and seems to be the type of person who would kick a guy when he’s down or punt Jiggy across the room.
So far I’m liking Sally, Matthew and Chris for the finals.
Thanks again for the great recap!
Craig is a deluded, immature little turd who thinks he can shoot the moon but always has to apologize when he ends up shooting one of his teammates in the foot. Then he whines and probably sucks his thumb and everyone feels bad for wanting to punch him because “Look, he’s trying so harrrrd.” He’s a vortex of talent, sucks everyone down to his level and then snivels at judges table when they say “Craig, why do you suck so bad you make us cry?” Which is bad enough, but then he gets really belligerent when a teammate says, “Yeah, Craig why DO you suck so bad you make all of us cry because Nelson’s gone and you’re whiny ass IS STILL HERE??!??!” (I may be a bit pissed about Nelson taking the fall. Even if his lollipop was bad.) I’ve never felt so little sympathy for the nerdy, alleged outcast.
Even Hugh fell for it and gave him the win but Extra was like “Really, lemon, berry, cheese-flavored gum?” and turned it into lemon squares instead. And Gail, upon seeing that Hugh, unfamiliar with Craig’s epic, pernicious incompetence was like “Uhhh, Craig you get to CHOOSE the teamleaders *pleasedon’tchooseyourselfyousuckyousuckyousuck* and Craig, probably thinking the title came with a crown and scepter said “I’ll choose me because I totally know I can do this at least as well as I built a showpiece and bake a top tier of a cake that won’t crush all the lower tiers with it’s massive size, weight and density,” because Craig’s a moron who wouldn’t be able to assess the danger of standing on a ledge.
Which leads me to think that the reason no one but Jafar will tell Craig how badly he sucks is a combination of A (Nelson actually defended his incompetent ass last week) and C. Because Jafar’s the only one who probably HASN’T seen Full Metal Jacket, or thought R. Lee Ermey was a role model.
As for Matthew, grom what I’ve read elsewhere he either looks like Lee Pace (Yay!) or Clay Aiken (the horror…the horror…) so take your pick.
And now that Nelson’s gone I’m left with Sally, Amanda and Matthew as the ones I want to see in the finale. But if Craig doesn’t go this week…I’ll just probably rant here, but I’ll be mad.
for once I actually have a connection to a reality show contestant – my dad is really good friends with Rebecca’s dad – and she turns out to be kinda a whiner :\ Go fig. I am still rooting for her, at least she seems decent enough and skilled.
Blech Hughnibrow. Not sure why this show is so obsessed with him. i know, I’m the only one around here who dislikes him too lol
Can’t wait until Craig goes. And Jafar lolz.
I don’t watch this show but I love the recaps. I can make a guess as to why they put the flowers all over the sugar piece. Sugar pulling of that caliber is still very much a European thing. It is huge in Europe, especially France. Over there, they are all about over done, ornate decorations. They love to put sugar flowers on everything. Maybe Jafar was taught by a classic European chef. It is still not a good reason but it might be one of the reasons it looks like an old ladies wall paper.
I do know that on both Top Chefs, the chefs are not allowed to bring any recipes. That is not that hard for the savory TC, but for the pastry one, that makes it all that much harder.
They do have receipes this year, they showed a couple of them looking thru handwritten notebooks. Don’t know what else they could be.
@vallegirl Damn! I think you’re about the only person I have seen with such unfiltered hatred towards Craig. Granted, he’s quite out of his league, that’s obvious. But he’s not a douchebag who thinks he’s amazing and his multiple screw-ups are just flukes. In fact, I think he himself realizes he’s out of his league but tries to make the best of it, and one can’t fault him for that. That’s his one redeeming quality… well, okay, that and his QF winning mini-pancakes, I wanted to eat a huge plate of those.
And thanks for the recap, Miki, you do a good job on it and I’m glad you show us all the stuff, like Pottymouth does. But is it just me, or am I seeing a lot less of Rebecca’s hand mentioning that you guys are?
I admit the judges lost me a bit this week. Having Hughnibrow there, for starters. I fucking hate that freakshow! Johnny, well, never liked the dude, sojust having him is a bore. And then Youbear, much as I love the guy, totally lost me when he said he’d prefer someone who can do an amazing sugar showpiece than someone who can make a yummy crumble. Really, Youbear? I’m disappointed.
Look, I know stupid asshole fucktard Orlando has amazing skills with those showpieces, there’s no denying that. I’m just not a fan of showpieces, is all. When I think of desserts, I think of something I actually want to eat, not some sugary cakey sculpture that’s just sitting there to look pretty. So the focus this season on showpieces (and thus constant team challenges that are getting old) is really losing me. Namely put, I want to see “Top Chef: Just Desserts”, not “Top Sculpture of Sugary Stuff You Probably Won’t Be Able to Eat”.
I noticed that too, kloewent. They definitely have access to their recipes (if those aren’t recipes, I cannot imagine what they are). Great cap, Miki!
I was actually happy for the little guy when he got his QF win — let’s face it, Craig is NOT going to win this thing, and yes, he has coasted by on other’s coattails thus far, but his gum idea sounded pretty tasty to me
I’m sure he’ll be gone soon, but it’s not his fault that he’s still there. The fault lies with way too many team challenges, plus a little luck along the way.
Orlando seems talented (or at least he believes he is), but I think he’s flailing a bit and he clearly cannot take criticism. He’s getting close to coming across as a vicious, hissing cooze (that’s for you, Valle! It’s a portable nickname!)
hahaha! your recap was great! too funny. i just got a chance to catch up on the episodes. my goodness, craig. he’s just so… awful. i mean, he’s not a bad guy, i can see that, but i just can’t stand him. at all. his voice makes me want to run my nails over a chalkboard just to drown him out. i’m actually thinking that they’re doing that double elimination next week just to MAKE SURE he’s gone. they’re setting him up already. or at least johnny is. since his ridiculously inflated hair-do is gone, boy needs something else to fixate on.
orlando, its super hard to take you seriously as a villain with that lisp. not that im saying a villain can’t have a lisp… just that villains can’t really have a lisp.
matthew! he’s so cute! and i love his missing tooth! is it weird to say i wanna poke my tongue through it? probably. still want to though.
Thanks guys. I do not for a second think that Matthew looks like Clay Aiken. At first I was thinking Boon from Lost, but that’s not it either and it’s gonna drive me nuts. Craig is fully out of his league and doesn’t belong on the show, and it’s easy for us to all sit at home and say he’s super sweet and he’s trying really hard and all. As much as I have a natural tendency to stick up for the nerdy outcasts, if I had to compete against him and watch actual talented competitors go home before him I think I might be less than nice to him. It’s cute and funny to us, sure, but this isn’t our livelihood. We’re not on TV trying to win enough money to pay off our student loans and maybe make enough of a name for ourselves that we can keep our business afloat. These chefs have the patience of saints. Even Jafar is being nice to Craig during challenges. He waits until confessional before turning on the diva bitch. These guys are nuts, but way less fun nuts than last year.
TheMiki, you are offically my favorite recapper. It’s so nice to have you review a show which is not boring, even though you have such a talent with your writing that even makes recaps of dull shows fun to read. I’m just glad you are not subjected to watch a boring show this time.
Craig does not belong on this show. He was obviously cast as canon fodder and because the challenges thus far have been team challenges, he has escaped dismissal. I can only hope the stupid asshole gets chopped next ep.
Jafar may be a dick, but he’s talented. I’d rather see him make it than helpless, whiney Craig.
Just started reading the recaps for this show so forgive me if it has already been pointed out the Jafar looks like Koby Bryant if Koby was gay with a Drew Barrymore speech impediment chaser
Hahahaha at the “Drew Barrymore speech impediment.” I was trying to figure out what to call that lisp-like thing he did. I’m stealing that for next week’s recap
@themiki, your comment in the recap about Sally being a teacher is true, because Craig announced in the first episode that she was his teacher at cooking school and in the second episode stole/borrowed her recipe as a part of one challenge.
Hey TheMiki, OMG, SO glad you finally got a good show! I love PottyMouth (LOVE you, girl!) but since she’s taking over another biggie, I’m MORE than happy to see you putting your spin on this one, you always make me laugh. Especially at Craig.
love, J-Mo
“Don’t roll your eyes, forty year old man with a wallet chain” LMFAO. Hilarious. I don’t watch the show, but great recap. I love your demented/vulgar/disturbingly accurate comparisons of the food to other…..stuff. Awesome.
Great recap! They are letting them use recipes this year but said they would make all the challenges more difficult. I think that’s why they have more emphasis on show pieces, etc this season.
@Chris Velazquez: agreed on top pulled sugar sculpture. I don’t love this show, but my interest plummeted with the emphasis on decoration. Craig was Bugs Bunny in a previous life, and he can’t help that he was born to fail . . . what I don’t understand is what is he bringing to the show .. . I’m expecting a red hot melt down, or I don’t think we got what was intended. Anyone else thinks he’s Gail’s nephew?
Hughnibrow can kiss my ass, now he’s a vicious, hissing cooze in my book. HATE! And I can’t even think of him without visualizing a strip of wax and a hard tug!
Otherwise, just lightly following this, and thought I check in and say hi, Miki! glad you’re happy with your assignment.
What do you do with your life? Sit around in your mom’s basement and watch tv shows, then make fun of everyone and tear them apart? You’re a fucking douchebag and your probably just mad that you are a loser and will never do anything as remotely awesome as this.
Hahaha. Um… Well, my mom took off when I was a kid and I haven’t heard from her in years, but last I knew she lived in a trailer park, and trailers aren’t known for their spacious basements, so that’s a no. I do enjoy making fun of people, which is why I recap for TVgasm and not some I <3 Top Chef blog. People who put themselves on TV are fair game for mockery. I'm not even sure who you're mad about me making fun of here, as this was pretty mild. I prefer "asshole" over "douchebag" if you're gonna call me out though. I do not now, nor have I ever, owned merchandise made by Ed Hardy, sported a fauxhawk, or even seen the inside of a tanning bed. Also, I'm awesome, so the fact that I'm alive means I'm doing something way more awesome than getting my ass handed to me on a reality baking show.
TheMiki, FTW! Especially since you’ve never worn Ed Hardy. (aka douchebag attire.)
TheMiki!
LOVE you and the recap so much. I was so excited when flipit told me you were taking over on this one because I love your stuff. Dumbledork = AWESOME nickname (you have to sing the AWESOME) and I totally wish I had thought of it first.
Love the recap, think Jafar needs to step it up a notch, and I’m anxiously awaiting the day when Johnny makes Dumbledork cry so hard he starts to hiccup.
Can’t wait for the next one!
SWAK, PottyMouth
PS – Love you even more than before for the Hugh proposal comment. Sigh. Something new to daydream about…….
aab33–where do you people come from, and why do you never get it?! Glad you got it out of your system at least, now go eat some red hots Seth!
He did it for HIS MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh man do I wish that was Seth. I miss Seth. He needs his own show. On that topic, these shows that have been on long enough to have a contestant pool big enough to pull an “All Stars” season really really need to have a “Shit Wrecks” season where all our favorite emotionally unhinged contestants come back to compete against each other and cry a lot.
Great response to the hater, TheMiki! Loved the recap.