Top Chef Just Desserts: Red Hot Mommy

I absolutely love penny candy.  The more sugary the candy is, the better.  Among my favorites are smarties (I went through four ten bags of them when I was pregnant), pixie sticks (little straws of yum), and candy buttons (the only time eating a little bit of paper is a-ok).  I also happen to love a good cocktail, so this week of Top Chef: Just Desserts is right up my alley.  So crack open a wax bottle and pour yourself a cold one because this one is gonna be a red hot ride!

Mommy!

Okay, I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, so let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start), shall we?  We join the remaining eleven pastry chefs at their loft where Morgan and Seth are sharing a room.  What a shocker that the two biggest douchenozzles ended up bunking together.

Ahhhh, there’s nothing quite like the smell of vinegar in the morning.

Crazy Morgan tells us that he and Seth have the most in common out of anyone in the house: they’re both assholes, and they’re both psychotic.  Oh, and they’re also both straight so start celebrating now girls!

Yeah, my cake is all moist at the sight of these two.

In the kitchen, the Snow Queen is making coffee and generally being the resident Momma Hen.  He tells us it’s probably because he’s a little older and has had a lot of kitchens and employees, but I think he’s probably just a genuine nice guy.  Or he’s spiked their coffee with Ex-lax.

Drink it!

Upstairs Seth calls his mom while telling us that the reason he’s always striving to be a better pastry chef is for his parents.  UGH.  Are we gonna get some sort of sob story here?  YUP.  He tells us his mom has been sick with a lot of surgeries and bad luck regarding her health.  I really hate when they trot out the sob stories.

Anyway, he wants to know how her rehab is going and tells her to just tell him quick.  If this segment is supposed to make me like him more, it’s not working. She tells him it’s going well, and she’s getting better all the time.  Okay, thanks for the update; can we get to the cooking now?

We head over to the kitchen and we’re greeted by a wall of candy.

Yum!

Also waiting for them are Gail, and this week’s quickfire judge Elizabeth Faulkner aka LezBeth our favorite Vulcan lesbian.

It would be illogical for me to smile at you.

Zac informs us that Lezbeth is just about the coolest pastry chef there is.  He says you don’t even want to be her friend, you just wanna BE her.  Yikes, Lezbeth, watch out; I think Zac wants to skin you and wear you like last year’s Versace.

Gail informs them that for this week’s quickfire challenge they are going to have to create a dish celebrating penny candy.  LezBeth tells them it’s going to be challenging incorporating the candy into their dishes, but she wants them to show people what pastry chefs are capable of: she wants some kick ass desserts.

As usual, the winner gets immunity in the elimination challenge.  They have one hour to create this dessert, and they can use as many or as little of the different types of candy as they want.  Ready?  Go!

The pastry chefs run over to the candy wall and begin throwing candy into their little plastic bags.  AsianHeather is shoveling different candies into her mouth, trying to decide what she’s going to pick.  Erika tells us her favorite candies are lemon drops, sour patch kids, and jawbreakers.

Me too!

Yigit thinks the real challenge is going to be making sure all the additives in the candy don’t kill the texture of the actual dessert.  I think he’s probably right; there’s a lot of rubbery candy out there, but rubbery dessert is not all that appealing.  The Snow Queen tells us you just have to follow the rules of the challenge.  So helpful!  Thanks Momma Snow!  I shouldn’t make fun though, at least he learned from his non-cupcake mistake of last week.

Seth tells us that his mom loves atomic fireballs but can’t eat them anymore because of her health.  So in honor of his mother, he’s going to make a dessert with atomic fireballs.  Because nothing says “I love you” like making a dessert that you can’t possibly eat.  At all.  Ever.

In the midst of the kitchen frenzy, Zac tells us he is loving this challenge.  He was denied sugar so much as a child, he thinks that is why he became a pastry chef.  He says it’s revenge on his vegan mother for never letting him go to the candy store.

I thought about becoming a butcher, but I don’t like to handle meat.

Don’t they make vegan candy? Turns out they do.  I googled vegan candy and found a list of thirty regular candies that are vegan.  They include my fav, smarties, pez, fire balls, jolly ranchers, and twizzlers.  You know what’s not on the list?  Chocolate.  I won’t tell you why.

Danielle tells us the first thing she thinks about when she hears candy is worms and dirt.  Poor thing, looks like her mom was a vegan too.  Gail comes in to warn them that they have five minutes left, and everyone seems to be starting at least to plate their desserts.  Everyone but Seth.  He’s pouring liquid nitrogen into his mixing bowl trying to get his passion fruit sorbet to freeze.  It doesn’t happen.

Why does this mixer hate me so much?

He’s cursing and crying and carrying on while the others look on in disbelief.

Dude, he’s totally harshing my buzz.

Gail and LezBeth start their rounds, probably hoping that he’ll take the time to compose himself before they reach his station.  First up is Yigit, and it looks like he also made a tribute dessert for his mom.

An Ode to Menstruation

I just love how he’s added the blood clots in there to, don’t you?  LezBeth loves that it’s got that candied monthly gift approach; she really enjoys it.  That’s a little TMI, isn’t it LezBeth?

Up next is AsianHeather’s dessert which she tells them is a play on a creamsicle.

Um……Yum

She tells them she used some passion fruit candy as a sweetener.  We’ll have to wait and see if they liked it though because she doesn’t get any comments other than a thank you.

They move along next to the Snow Queen who continues to salute The Exorcist in his desserts.

Frozen Pea Soupsicle.

What is it with him and green desserts?  Gail likes that the pistachio flavor really comes through.

Time for Crazy Morgan’s penny candy on a pedestal.

Did anyone else read that originally as repulsed banana lollipop?

And why am I not surprised that Morgan likes to pull on his banana lollipop?

It’s Malika’s turn, and you’ll be happy to know that she finished in time this week.

By using her dessert dish as a port-a-potty

She’s also incorporated pop rocks into her dessert.  I sure hope no one’s mouth explodes!  Wait!  Seth, try some!

Let’s move over to see what BandAidHeather has made.

The dots are morse code for B-O-R-I-N-G

Gail asks if she used any actual penny candy in the creation of her dessert.  Nope.  Just the flavors.

What’s your major malfunction?

Yeah, I’m sure we all know at least one person who’s going straight to the bottom.  LezBeth wants to know why BandAidHeather’s prejudiced against candy.  She doesn’t hate all candy LezBeth, just the penny kind.

I only enjoy middle class candy

Their next stop is Zac’s station.

Holy Shitballs!  His cakehole is bleeding!

He’s also got some licorice in his coulis.  Zac, no one wants to hear about your weird sex games, mmmkay?  Wait, LezBeth does want to hear about the licorice, so we get to hear about his coulis again.  Guess what?  Seth is still crying.  Maybe Zac stuck some licorice in his coulis too.

The judges move on to Eric

Who’s stuck on the poop challenge from last week.

Really, Eric?  I was hoping we’d avoid the poo dishes this week.  LezBeth asks what kind of chocolate he used, and then they move on.

Erika’s next and her dish reminds me a little of Christmas.

Probably the little tree looking bit o’candy in the back

She’s got a ton of pop rocks in the dish, and she’s hoping they’re still popping.  Gail assures her that they are.

They move on to Danielle’s version of worm and dirt.  Aww, look!  She used a twizzler as a straw!

For her urine soda.

Both Gail and LezBeth think her dessert is fun.  And now, now Gasmi, we get to Seth.  His voice is wavering a little as he tells them that he thinks he tried to do too much, but that he thinks the flavors are really good.

Once you get past the smell of the pus soup, I’m sure the turd cake is delicioso!

He’s crying in his confession about how much pain his mom is in every day and the only thing she cares about is his happiness.  Wah wah wah!  God, stop yer crying doofus.  You didn’t make it on time, it’s not the end of the world.  Jeesh!

Seth now crouches down with his head and arms on his station crying and saying he can’t do this as everyone else looks on uncomfortable and annoyed at the same time.  Fellow douchenozzle Crazy Morgan comes over to tell him to man up, but Seth no can do.  He will not be denied his fit of crying.

Wah wah wah ice cream failcakes boo hoo hoo thisistotallyNOTbecauseIFAILED

Seth continues down the crazy path, saying the red hots are for his mom.  Gail is nowhere to be found at this point; I’m sure the voice in her ear didn’t tell her how to handle this.  So LezBeth steps right in, saying she wants to talk to him for a sec because she’s done a lot of these competitions.  Now that he knows all attention is on him, Seth’s caterwauling goes up a notch further.

Bwahahahahahaha!

I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh at someone else’s pain……hahahahahaha! I just can’t help myself.  We take a quick break, and when we come back, Seth is still snotting all over LezBeth’s outfit.  I love LezBeth; she tells him she’s had to pull her head out of her ass a lot, so……..nuff said?

Apparently.  Seth pulls his shit together so they can hear the results for this challenge.  Bottom three?  BandAidHeather for ignoring the challenge (duh), Eric’s poo in a cup, and weetle bitty baby Seth for being such a pussyboy.

There’s no crying in pastry!  No crying!

LezBeth’s favorite dishes are AsianHeather for her use of the acidic candies, Danielle and her pee pop, and Zac’s bleeding cakehole (especially the licorice in the coulis).  Zac’s especially glad that LezBeth talked about his cake because most of the other chefs made mousse which can be made in about ten minutes, whereas HE and his awesomeness made CAKE.

Awesome or not, he doesn’t win the quickfire.  Instead, that honor goes to Danielle and her pee pop.

Thank goodness I passed on that asparagus frittata this morning!

Gail tells them that Top Chef Master Mark (Doody) Peel just opened a new restaurant called the Tar Pit.  They’re going to meet there to discuss their elimination challenge.  Once they all arrive (Gail fashionably late, of course), Gail tells them that for their elimination challenge they are going to have to make a dish inspired by a great cocktail.

But that’s not all!  They will be doing their shopping behind the bar.  Malika obviouses to us that there are only a limited number of items behind the bar.  She’s stressed.  Mark tells them they have a different kind of pantry behind the bar, and as they pan over some of the items, I think they’re lucky it’s a high end restaurant that probably serves a lot of fancy schmancy cocktails because I can’t imagine that you usually see things like guave nectar in your local neighborhood bar.

They’ll each have two minutes behind the bar to do their shopping, then three hours in the kitchen to cook before coming back to the Tar Pit.  They’ll be serving the judges and twenty five discerning bar flies their cocktail creations.

Go easy on the grenadine guys!

Mark’s got coasters for them to draw to determine their shopping order.  Eric lucks out and draws the number one spot.  Once back there he grabs all the pineapple that is behind the bar.  Erika is next and she tells us the first thing she thought about was how she could incorporate salt, so she’s doing a marguerita inspired dish.

Malika is concerned about how quickly the citrus is disappearing, and the Snow Queen tries mind control by thinking at the chefs behind the bar not to touch the bottle he wants.

Your brain is my puppet

BandAid Heather and Crazy Morgan make quick work of their shopping and Zac sashays away behind the bar, even sparing a few minutes for a couple of twirls.  And then……Seth’s turn.  He wants to do a dish inspired by a Greyhound which is grapefruit juice and vodka (or gin).  Just a slight problem: there is no grapefruit left.  Not to be deterred, Seth checks to see if there is any grapefruit juice.

By sticking the bottle nozzles UP HIS NOSE.

That is so fucking gross.  As he realizes there’s no grapefruit or grapefruit juice, he starts to wig out.  He tells us if he can’t do what he was planning then he doesn’t think he can do anything.  So rather than try to take a moment to figure out something else he stands around whining that there’s no grapefruit.

Is he a giant whinypants or what?  God!  In the last few seconds he grabs some blueberries and blackberries while the other chefs chant his name cheering him on.  In Seth’s world people chanting his name means they’re against him and he proceeds to have a hissy fit about what a bunch of haters they are.

There was NO GRAPEFRUIT!!!  Why is the citrus against me?!?!?

He’s lost it now yelling that he’s broke, his mom has over a hundred grand in medical bills, he’s not here for fun y’all, he’s here to save his life.  Yigit tells him it’s not okay for him to yell at other contestants, or anyone for that matter.  Seth doesn’t think it’s for Yigit to tell him what’s okay.  And then Crazy Morgan says he’s being an asshole.  And when Crazy Morgan thinks you’re an asshole there is no measurement for just how big of an asshole you are.

Whatever, Seth tells us.  He could deal with all of this in a normal kitchen environment, but when you have no citrus and have to make a cocktail for a hundred thousand dollars it’s a lot more stressful.

NO GRAPEFRUIT!!  Why doesn’t anyone understand?!?

AsianHeather is embarrassed by Seth’s behavior (much as I’m sure his mom is, watching at home).  She says he needed to adapt and change his idea; that’s part of what the challenge is about.  Whatever.  I don’t think she truly understands just how debilitating the lack of grapefruit is when you’re trying to make a cocktail.

You may be wondering what Mark Doody and Gail were doing while all this was going on……

Padma said there’d be days like this.

Back in the kitchen, the food frenzy begins.  AsianHeather reminds us that they have no recipes and how hard it is to improvise in pastry cheffing. I’m guessing we’ll hear this at least once an episode.  I’m already over it.

Eric is working on a pineapple upside down cake infused with bourbon.  But as he looks around the kitchen, he’s a little worried about some of the fancy schmancy flavor infusing that’s going on.  He’s a baker, but he wants to rise to the top.  Hardy har har.

Seth is working on a black and blue gimlet which will take the flavors of a gimlet and add blueberries and blackberries to the mix.  He tells us he’s still a little drained from his breakdown during the quickfire and then his fight with Yigit at the bar.

Being a douchenozzle is so emotionally draining.

Yigit tells us he’s been cooking for most of his life and was a sous chef in a four star restaurant at twenty four years old.  That’s pretty impressive, but what’s even more impressive is that he manages to tell us this without sounding like an asshole.

Still adorable

In case you didn’t hear him the first five thousand times he’s mentioned it, the Snow Queen’s dessert is inspired by a drink called the plantation.  The drink is basically rum and basil.  Sounds nasty.  Has anyone ever tried it?  He doesn’t think he has enough basil, so he decides to use the whole head, seeds and all.

Here comes Johnny Elvis!  He stops first to talk to Yigit who loses me immediately with his long list of things he’s doing.  Johnny’s impressed though and thinks it will be good if he can pull it all together in time.

His next stop is the Snow Queen and his plantation sensation.  Johnny is worried about him adding alcohol directing to his custard.  When he stops by Seth’s station, Seth tells him he didn’t have enough blueberries, so he’s also using blue food coloring.  He’s incorporating some surprise textures into his dish including gelee and fizzitabs.

You mean the alka seltzer is in the actual dessert?

Erika is making a margarita bombe and Johnny can’t wait to try it.  I wish I could try it.  And with that, Johnny gyrates his hips right out of the kitchen.

As time winds down, Seth is running around the kitchen like an idiot.  Erika says he’s the type of person she stays away from.  Zac says it’s like someone put a flaming hot poker up his ass.

Grrrrl!  That shit burns!

After time runs out the chefs head back to their apartment.  AsianHeather is really over Seth and tells him that she thinks he needs to apologize to all of them.  He does.  He says he’ll try to make it up to her and she laughs at him saying he can’t make it up to her, he just needs to treat them like decent people.  He’s going to try harder starting tomorrow.

Yigit tells us Seth feels like he let his mom down, but everyone has issues.  Case in point: he lost his dad to cancer just a few years ago.

You don’t see me crying and carrying on like a baby!

He tells Seth that no matter what is going on with his personal life, he has no idea what is going on with anyone else.  He says it’s very selfish of him; he’s sorry for what Seth’s going through, but other people have shit going on in their lives too.  Seth says if there’s anything he can do just tell him.  “At this point, distance would be greatly appreciated.”  Ha!  I never knew “Get the fuck out of my face” could be put so nicely.  Yay Yi!

They arrive at the Tar Pit the next day to prepare for service and find out that the kitchen space is very, very small.  They have one hour to plate thirty desserts, and service will be staggered with three chefs at a time serving the judges.  Seth tells Yi that his gelee is going to be harder than Yi’s.  Sounds like someone might think their gelee is a little inadequate.

Eric is stressed about plating for service since he’s never done it before, and Erika discovers that she’s short one bombe.  Rather than wig out all over the place, she decides to cut them all in half and serve them like that.  Wow, you mean no crying fit or yelling and cursing?  Is Erika insane enough to be here?

The timer goes off and we’re ready for the first round of desserts.  Eric, Erika, and Danielle are in the first group.  Before we get to their dishes, let’s meet the judges!  Of course there’s Johnny Elvis.  We also have LezBeth rejoining us, along with regular judge YouBear Keller (YAY!).  Rounding out the judges’ table will be Mark Doody and Mrs. Doody.  Ready to see the desserts?  Erika is first.

Mmmmmmm……I want one!

She tells them that there is salt because it IS a margarita.  Danielle attributes her flavors to some vague ginger lime cocktail.

Garnished with slices of flesh.

Eric says he was inspired by a strange drink consisting of bourbon and pineapple.  So he shopped for bourbon.  And pineapple.

So it’s a bourbon pineapple upside down cake

I think he found some weed behind the bar too.  The pastry chefs head back to the kitchen as the judges sample their dishes.  Mark Doody loves the subtlety of Erika’s dish, saying it’s a little bland until you get the salt and then the margarita flavor all comes together.  Johnny feels like she embraced the challenge, really taking the margarita flavor and transforming it into a dessert.

LezBeth would have liked to see Danielle meringue torched, she likes there to be a little more carmelization going on.  Johnny thinks it doesn’t resemble a cocktail to him at all, and he can’t even figure out what alcohol is in it.  YouBear sinks zat eez a gud dezert wis gud textur but agreez eet mizzes part of zee challeng when eet comes to cocktail.

I hope they put me on TV.  I’ll pretend to know what I’m talking about

Gail thinks despite the simplicity of Eric’s plating, he had really good flavors in there.  She had to stop herself from gobbling it all up.  LezBeth liked the texture of the cake, and it totally reminded her of a cocktail.

Yi is trying to get his dish plated in the kitchen and Seth chips in to help.  Yi is sort of shocked.  The next three out are Yigit, Crazy Morgan, and BandAid Heather.  Yi thinks he’s going to be on the bottom because he didn’t finish.  Seth offers him words of encouragement by telling him he won’t be the only one.

Yi’s dish looks like a mini cheesecake

Accompanied by an edible clown face.

Crazy Morgan tells them the cocktail he’s nuts for is whiskey and coke.

So he made a cake and then spit whiskey and coke all over it

I think BandAid Heather ignored the challenge again.

Is there a cocktail that combines gingerbread and rum?

She mentions the Jamacian Firefly which has rum and ginger beer in it, so I guess she didn’t ignore the challenge after all.  Sorry for doubting you BandAidHeather.

LizBeth loves the color on Yi’s plate, while Johnny points out that his ice cream melted.  What YouBear rilly loves about Crazy Morgan’s dish eez zu gelee; he likes ow eet pops een you mous like a cocktail.  Gail says he did a good job but she wishes there was one more thing on that cake.

No one is really thrilled with BandAidHeather’s dessert.

Mine tastes a little like neosporin

Back in the kitchen another round of chef’s are plating.  This one includes Seth who is driving Malika crazy by running around like an idiot and dropping things.  Zac actually offers to help him plate so Seth can get done on time, and when he finishes  with some extra time, he harrangues Malika and AsianHeather, asking what he can do to help them.

AsianHeather is smart and sends him over to the clock for a countdown, but we all know it’s to get him the fuck away from her.  Malika tells us she thinks her dish is beautiful, but she’s concerned about the balance of flavors.  Looks pretty, tastes like crap.

They’re starting with Seth.  Does anyone else think his dessert looks like it’s made out of playdoh?

That he then jizzed on.

Barf.  There is nothing appealing about that plate of food.  Malika’s poor dish was stabbed before leaving the kitchen

And left a bloody smear for the police to follow.

AsianHeather was inspired by a white Russian.

Looks like hers had a twirly moustache.

Once the judges have sampled the dishes, LezBeth tells the others that Malika’s was the least successful for her; she got the mint, but not so much the rum or other mojito flavors.  YouBear says eet reminds eem of one of zoz sugaree dezzert wis ze sugaree icing on top zat eef you eat ze hol sing you pass owt.

Eez she tri tu keel me?

Gail thinks she embraced the challenge from a cocktail perspective, but it was too heavy handed.  Moving onto to AsianHeather’s dessert YouBear sinks she is trying too much with zee layurrrz.  Johnny thinks she overthought and added too much to it.

About Seth’s, LezBeth points out that blue in the pastry world is a little bit of a faux pas.  Why?  Does anyone know?  Johnny loves gin but Seth’s dessert doesn’t taste like it.  He needs more gin!  Sounds like someone was hoping for a little buzz with this challenge.  Drink on yer own time, Johnny!

We’re back in the kitchen and Zac is prepping his desserts while Seth gets in his way.  Nice payback for someone that helped you.  We hear a crash, and Zac shouts out to the heavens “Oh my god, oh my god, are you kidding me?”

I didn’t do it.  Seriously.  I didn’t do anything.  I was just standing here and it fell all by itself.  In fact, I wasn’t even breathing.  Maybe there’s a poltergeist.  I bet one of the other pastry chefs stopped time, knocked it over, moved me over here, and unstopped time just so I would be blamed.  Yeah, that’s what happened.

He knocked over a tray of chocolates that Zac had made for his desserts.  Then Seth tells Zac there’s still some of it on the acetate that he can use.  You mean the rubber mat that you all have been running back and forth on all day?   There’s no way he’s using that.

To his credit, even though he’s really pissed, Zac doesn’t completely flip the fuck out like you know Seth would do if it were his chocolates on the floor.  Instead he concentrates on getting his dish plated to go out.  Instead of getting the fuck out of Zac’s way, Seth goes back into that area to clean up his shit.  I think I would have bonked him on the head with an iron skillet right about then.

After time runs out Zac realizes he is missing a tuille on one of his plates.  What are the odds that will be a judges’ plate?

100%

I think we all saw that one coming, didn’t we?  Of course Gail starts immediately whining about how she didn’t get a tuille, and it’s no fair.  Care to tell us about your dish, Zac?

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the Flying Nun!

Hey, did you guys know that the Snow Queen has a cocktail he really loves called the plantation?

This plate looks like he regurgitated his dish from the Quickfire.  Blarf.

Johnny loves how Zac took a low brow cocktail (the Jaegerbomb) and added some elegance to it.  LezBeth loves the concept of it, but she’s not sure she’s getting the full effect of a cocktail.  They move on to the Snow Queen’s dish and Johnny points out that this is the second dish that he’s presented to them in a bowl.  It’s actually the fourth if you count quickfires.

Even if I smoked a bowl I don’t think I’d like this dessert.

LezBeth says it’s a big ole mess as you dig into it, and she compares it to scrambled egg soup.  Eek!  Double blarf.  Mark Doody is enjoying the flavors despite how gross it is to look at.

Our little snippet scene of the evening involves Seth wanting to play in the stew room while everyone around him wishes he would drop dead.

It’s judgment time.  Gail comes back to say they’d like to see Erika, Yigit, and Eric at judges’ table.  After they leave, Seth says he’s happy for Eric; he thinks he really needs this right now.  BandAidHeather says he doesn’t know anything; that could be the bottom three.  Yeah, except it’s always the top three first.  I think they’ve switched it up a total of two or three times in all of Top Chef history.  So suck it, BandAidHeather.

Seth said he tasted Eric’s dish, and there’s no way it’s bottom three.  Well, BandAidHeather tasted someone else’s dish and she doesn’t think theirs is bottom three.  Good lord, are we really doing this?  Seth tells her he welcomes her opinion and then proceeds to interrupt her each time she tries to say something.

No, really, share your thoughts.  No, come on say what you’re thinking.  Come on, say something, I want you too.

Then he gets angry because they’re telling him he doesn’t let anyone speak, and he finally blows up telling them he made himself vulnerable in front of them and now they’re all taking advantage of it.  He off and running now saying he was a better chef before he was nicer guy so now he’s going to just be a dick and win this whole thing and they can all suck it.

When exactly was he a nice guy?

Out at judges’ table they’re all blissfully unaware of the douchebaggery going no in the stew room.  Gail tells them they had the judges’ favorite dishes of the evening, and Eric looks like he’s about ready to cry.  He is so sweet.

They tell Erika that her dish was not only beautiful, they could taste the margarita inspiration.  Gail really loved the tequila sauce, and LezBeth loved that it was clear, calling that a nice surprise.

YouBear loved zat Erique’s cake waz so moiste.  Eet waz zee deesh zat all zee zhuzhes wanted tu feeneesh zee plate.  LezBeth dings him on his presentation skills saying he’s going to need to think about the aesthetic as well.  He tells them that today was the first time he has ever done plated service.

Yigit tells them he loves Negronis so he wanted to do something with Campari in it.  He says being there is priceless, so thank you.  Gail thanks him for an awesome dessert; they loved his flavors.

I hope the fucking cameraman didn’t catch me licking my plate again.

LezBeth liked how colorful his dessert was, and also says the chill factor of it reminded her of a cocktail.  What YouBear rille liked about eet waz ze consistenzee off zee panna cotta, ze creameeness when yu peeck eet up wis zee spoon; eet waz rilly well done.

As the guest judge, LezBeth gits to announce the winner.  The person that did the best job of taking a cocktail and turning it into a really great dessert is……

Yay!

I’m so happy Erika won this challenge.  Not only does she seem like a really sweet lady, she made a dessert that made me wish I was there to taste it!

Time for the loozahs!  The judges have asked to see Malika, Snow Queen, and Seth.  Gail asks the Snow Queen if the end result of his dessert was how he envisioned it.  Yep.  Oh!  Wrong answer Snow Queen!  Johnny calls him out on the disgusting consistency of his dessert. He says what drives him crazy is that Snowy probably has one of the sharpest palates of all the contestants; he flavors are spot on every time.  His difficulty is in putting it all together.

Gail asks Seth to tell them why he thinks they’re unhappy with his dessert.  He says it was a bad dish and he won’t lie and say he stands behind it.  YouBear sinks e ez being a leetle too harsh on eemself; e sinks ze bleuberry cake, zey couldn’t see ze bleuberries, eet waz just a bleu cake.  Johnny says he’s a smart guy but he’s trying to do too much too fast.

Gail asks about what was going on with him during the challenge and he talks about his breakdown during the quickfire.  LezBeth wants to know if they let him stay here how can they be sure that that won’t happen again.

Oh, it’ll happen again; count on it.

Moving on to Malika, she says she chose the mojito because she loves the balance of flavors, but she knows her dish was missing that.  YouBear says e haz such a sweet toos but hair cake waz a too much for im.  She says she wanted something tart and airy in the middle but was unable to complete that, and Johnny points out that this is the second time that time has been an issue for her.  Why is this happening?  She tried to backtrack and change what went wrong when she really should have just changed her plan.

The judges send them back to the stew room so they can deliberate.  Gail says that Seth did eleven different components in his dish, and Johnny says only eight of them made it onto to the plate.  LezBeth adds that it also wasn’t like a cocktail which was the actual challenge.

Johnny says challenge after challenge Snowy has really shown great flavor combinations, but they can’t get past the texture of his dish; it was that gross. They weren’t a fan of Malika’s cake, but YouBear is appy zat she at least admit hair meestake.  Gail is worried about the fact that she doesn’t seem to be able to adapt to what these challenges require.

They’re brought back out and Johnny regurgitates the comments we’ve already heard about each pastry chef’s dish.  At this point I’m thinking that Seth and Malika are in real trouble; probably Malika will go home, but I’m routing for the douchenozzle to be shown the door.  The pastry chef cut tonight is……

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Not Snowy!!  Why?!?!?!  Didn’t they just say he has the best flavor profiles out of any of the chefs?  I mean, I get why they kept Douchey, but why keep Malika?  UGH!  I’m annoyed.  Snowy was a sweetie, and I was really looking forward to seeing how many Odes to the Exorcist he would put out there, and which movie he would pay tribute to next.

He tells us he’s shocked to be going home this early, and everyone echoes my NOOOOOOO in the stew room.  He has no regrets (except for getting booted) and says he met some fabulous people and had a great time.  Bye Snowy!  I’ll miss you.

In Memory Of Snowy:

And that’s a wrap on this week, Gasmi.  What did you think?  Were you laughing as hard as I was about Seth’s red hot mommy meltdown?  What about how he behaved at the Tar Pit?  Are you sad to Snowy go?  I’ve thought about the dessert cocktail challenge, and I think for mine I would have chosen the Alabama Slammer; I’ve made sugar cookies with Amaretto in them before and they’ve turned out really good, now I just need to figure out what to do about the gin and southern comfort!  What would you have chosen?

On the next episode there’s a bake sale, Crazy Morgan hides the butter (kinky!) and Judge Dannielle the Dimwitted returns.  No word on whether or not her mouth is still hosting a party.  See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth