Top Chef Masters Recap: School House Rock

Top Chef

By MisRed | Friday, September 21, 2012 | 2:18 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Top Chef

 

My prayer for the day: Please, my dear Lord (and by “my Lord” I mean Satan), please, please, let today be the day when Lorena gets kicked to the curb. If you are as powerful as you say you are SATAN, you will make this happen!!!!!!!!! 

Thank God this sh*t is almost over.  Even I can only be expected to remain hot for only so long


Curtis is, as always, awaiting the arrival of the Chefs in the kitchen. The stations are split so we know it’s “the mystery guest” challenge. Chris says to Curtis “You are an evil man.” Curtis welcomes the Chef to their Mystery Guest Challenge! We are treated to a flashback of Naomi Pomeroy verbally abusing her own father, through the wall, to, nearly, the point of tears.

Mystery Guest are Showgirls, right?

The Chef and the mystery guest have to create the same dish. Each station has a duplicate set of equipment and ingredients. The Chef must instruct the guest – through a wall- on what to do, how to prep the dish, how to make it, and how to plate the dish. If the chef doesn’t communicate it… the guest doesn’t do it. They have 20 minutes to cook their dish, whilst instructing their mystery guest on how to create the same dish. They will be judged on how similarly the two dishes look, taste and what is the best dish. Stone Cold Fox will be judging the dishes. The winner will receive $5,000 for their charity.

Are the Chefs ready to “meet” their mystery guests? The Chefs put on blindfolds while the mystery guests walk in.

This biggest mystery for me is why Lorena is still on this show

The mystery guests are: Ruth Reichl who is dressed like Pat Benetar circa 1983, James Oseland who is, again, in a red wool sweater, and Francis Lam, who is, as always, adorable. He does, however, to me, always look like he doesn’t know where he is. I know it’s just his look… but it amuses me nonetheless. Side note on Pee Wee Oseland- seriously dude, it’s Las Vegas. Most likely, at no point during the calendar year, do you need a wool sweater during the day. And to my knowledge this isn’t Top Chef Masters Graveyard Edition, so your sweater wardrobe doesn’t really fly with me. Maybe he could get a “cardigan t shirt” like the “tuxedo t shirt” from the 80’s? Why am I b*tching, there are two episodes left. FOCUS MisRed!!!

The pairings are:
Ruth with Kerry
James with Chris
Francis with Lorena

The first thing the Chefs need to do is access their mystery guest’s skill level. The first thing the mystery guest does is put on some type of wacky voice. James does his best “Art Smith” imitation. Ruth decides to channel a SS Officer. Francis… not sure what voice he does.
Kerry blurts out “Can you cook?” Chris asks “Do you know how to clean shrimp?” Lorena asks “Can you chop cilantro?”

What is she DOING over there?

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MisRed
About

Misred is an East Coast Gal and a jack of all trades.  Project Manager, Trained Chef, Amateur Writer, Professional Mocker, Devoted Wife and Mother of Furry Kids (dogs, not werewolves).  I spend my time doing all of the above, as well as making the necessary preparations for my eventual and eternal damnation in the fiery pits of hell.  I take comfort in knowing I'll have friends there... like Satan.

Check out my blog www.meabritapitandanitwit.wordpress.com

12 Comments

  1. 1
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I loved how, even though this was Lorena’s favorite challenge yet, the first thing she does when she gets eliminated is to throw those kids under the bus, saying that it was unfortunate that she got sent home on a dish that she didn’t cook herself. Maybe she would have won if she had put some cilantro on the lasagna….I’m so glad she is finally gone!

    Great recap, MissRED!

  2. 2
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    ….ooops! sorry, MisRed :)

  3. 3
    MisRed MisRed
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    JimmyT- no worries- I’ve been called MUCH worse… And daily.

  4. 4
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    And she loved it so much and yet was the only one who didn’t seem interested in bonding with the kids. Kerry emphasized teaching technique and choosing better ingredients so his was a practical demonstration, Chris went intellectual and really taught the kids about how all the ingredients should work together and Lorena…taught them how to make a cream sauce.

    She’s awful and I had a moment of panic when James kept whining about Chris’ wilted salad and it being “too simple.” Thankfully they realized they couldn’t have the Executive Cheft at Taco Bell in the finale and dumped her.

    Also she didn’t lose because of the kids. The dish was perfectly prepared so they did what she needed them to do. She lost because of her own lack of imagination, not because she couldn’t “cook her own food.”

  5. 5
    niknakflipflop niknakflipflop
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Slow-fucking-clap to MisRed. That was an absolutely hilarious recap! Thank you!

  6. 6
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Anne Burrell? Chris was totally Art Alexakis.

  7. 7
    Dawn
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Love the Wolverine cover!

  8. 8
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    @valleygirl – I was afraid that Chris was going to go home too. LG has a bunch of connections to the TV culinary industry and I think that Bravo may have caved a little and kept her around to give her more exposure. It sure seems like other reality competition shows are going more and more in that direction instead of making it completely fair competition. I’d like to think that Top Chef is above that kind of thing, but LG totally seems like a one-note chef and I can’t believe that she stuck around as long as she did.

    Also, James has been getting on my nerves lately. How I wish there were some twist in the finals where they also get rid of one of the judges.

  9. 9
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Excellent Recap – Hubby Butterfly and I both said that if Chris went home, we just weren’t watching Top Chef Masters anymore. You’d have never convinced me that Lorena deserved to stay over Chris. Ever. EVER.

    Taco Bell… Hmph…

  10. 10
    zerocool
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I didn’t think Lorena was as bad as you all do, but I agree with Vallegirl that it was a true lack of imagination in transforming the lasagna into something more high-end that did her in. But if they were judging them on how well the kids were taught, Kerry would be last. He was terrible. Those poor kids!

    Hoping Chris takes the title.

  11. 11
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted September 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    If Curtis was actually The Grim Reaper, nobody would fear death. I would actually probably have killed myself by now.
    Speaking of which, I almost choked to death on my cookie because of that thing about Patricia’s mole still being in the competition.

    And I loved loved loved seeing Chris with those kids. His approach to them was so nice…I wish I could live in his house and he could talk to me about food all day. But I wanted to kick Kerry’s teeth in, and it really annoyed me how when they went to present, he was all shaking them telling them to relax, like he was some friendly guy. If it wasn’t for him being up their asses the entire challenge, they wouldn’t be so damn tense. I hated how he spoke to Ruth in the quickfire too. And the way he talks in confessional, with one side of his face turned to camera is so annoying. He just really chaps my hide and I hope that Chris beats the pants off him in the finale.

    But I’m so happy that Lorena is gone, I’m going to have a dinner party at Taco Bell.
    Cantina Bowls for everyone!
    And then we can come back to my house and have dessert…I make a mean cilantro ice cream, and my cilantro cupcakes are to die for. I even have a nice cilantro buttercream that I put on them.

  12. 12
    annespan65
    Posted September 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    AWESOME recap. I think the “Lorena Garcia report to the Drive Thru, your 15 minute break is over” pic with caption will be my new screensaver!

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