Top Chef Masters Recap: School House Rock

Top Chef

By MisRed | Friday, September 21, 2012 | 2:18 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Top Chef

Kerry says he wants to make sure he and his guest are moving at precisely the same pace. So he puts his chicken in the sautee pan and promptly does NOT tell Ruth to sauté her chicken.

Yep.  Totally not in sync

Lorena tells Francis to chop everything as small as possible: bacon, chicken, shallot and a tomato. Her chicken and bacon are cooked… Francis’s is not because she never told him to cook it.

OH look syncronized swimming!

Lorena then tells Francis “Your water is boiling so it’s time to cook the pasta.” Except his water isn’t boiling. They quickly figure out there is no time for pasta so they chop some swiss chard instead.

Mmmmmm, swiss chard and invisible pasta with chicken and bacon sauce. Well, Lorena did do “invisible rice” a few weeks ago and she won, so why not?

Time is up.

Curtis asks if they want to see who their mystery guests were? No. They don’t. And don’t tell us if Tony Soprano is dead either, while you are at it.

The mystery guests are revealed, and of course, there is shock and awe. Whoop de doo.

This was about as much fun as slamming my penis in a car door!!

Chris and James have made Prawns with sautéed celery, thyme, pine nuts and chili threads.

The plates look very much the same, one has more celery, and Curtis can’t decide which he likes more. To which, James replies “Shut the F*CK up!” He thinks Curtis was trying to get into his panties and sweet talkin’ him.

Lorena and Francis present Swiss Chard with sautéed chicken, onion and parmesan cheese over… fresh Nevada air.

Francis on the left, Lorena on the right

Curtis comments: It’s good, I just need something to PUT IT ON.” I volunteer. But he comments that it is “Quite beautiful.” But he might have been speaking to his reflection.

This is what I look like after I eat a baby

Kerry and Ruth have made sautéed chicken, swiss chard, bacon, parmesan and rosemary cream.

And Kerry WAS actually instructing Ruth here…

The two plates don’t look particularly similar. Curtis asks “What happened here?”

Kerry replies “It was very hard to hear.” Kerry admits that he didn’t tell Ruth to use HALF of her chicken breast. Curtis tastes both and notes that Ruth’s chicken was really tender… and might be better than Kerry’s. I love it.

Net/Net- Hottie Stone declares the following:
Lorena and Francis- the two pasta sauces were very similar and delicious but the dish was lacking PASTA.
Chris and James- One prawn dish was crunchy, the other, not as much. But both were tasty.
Kerry and Ruth- Both dishes were creamy and smoky, but 1 had a LOT more chicken.

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MisRed
About

Misred is an East Coast Gal and a jack of all trades.  Project Manager, Trained Chef, Amateur Writer, Professional Mocker, Devoted Wife and Mother of Furry Kids (dogs, not werewolves).  I spend my time doing all of the above, as well as making the necessary preparations for my eventual and eternal damnation in the fiery pits of hell.  I take comfort in knowing I'll have friends there... like Satan.

Check out my blog www.meabritapitandanitwit.wordpress.com

12 Comments

  1. 1
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I loved how, even though this was Lorena’s favorite challenge yet, the first thing she does when she gets eliminated is to throw those kids under the bus, saying that it was unfortunate that she got sent home on a dish that she didn’t cook herself. Maybe she would have won if she had put some cilantro on the lasagna….I’m so glad she is finally gone!

    Great recap, MissRED!

  2. 2
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    ….ooops! sorry, MisRed :)

  3. 3
    MisRed MisRed
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    JimmyT- no worries- I’ve been called MUCH worse… And daily.

  4. 4
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    And she loved it so much and yet was the only one who didn’t seem interested in bonding with the kids. Kerry emphasized teaching technique and choosing better ingredients so his was a practical demonstration, Chris went intellectual and really taught the kids about how all the ingredients should work together and Lorena…taught them how to make a cream sauce.

    She’s awful and I had a moment of panic when James kept whining about Chris’ wilted salad and it being “too simple.” Thankfully they realized they couldn’t have the Executive Cheft at Taco Bell in the finale and dumped her.

    Also she didn’t lose because of the kids. The dish was perfectly prepared so they did what she needed them to do. She lost because of her own lack of imagination, not because she couldn’t “cook her own food.”

  5. 5
    niknakflipflop niknakflipflop
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Slow-fucking-clap to MisRed. That was an absolutely hilarious recap! Thank you!

  6. 6
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Anne Burrell? Chris was totally Art Alexakis.

  7. 7
    Dawn
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Love the Wolverine cover!

  8. 8
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    @valleygirl – I was afraid that Chris was going to go home too. LG has a bunch of connections to the TV culinary industry and I think that Bravo may have caved a little and kept her around to give her more exposure. It sure seems like other reality competition shows are going more and more in that direction instead of making it completely fair competition. I’d like to think that Top Chef is above that kind of thing, but LG totally seems like a one-note chef and I can’t believe that she stuck around as long as she did.

    Also, James has been getting on my nerves lately. How I wish there were some twist in the finals where they also get rid of one of the judges.

  9. 9
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Excellent Recap – Hubby Butterfly and I both said that if Chris went home, we just weren’t watching Top Chef Masters anymore. You’d have never convinced me that Lorena deserved to stay over Chris. Ever. EVER.

    Taco Bell… Hmph…

  10. 10
    zerocool
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I didn’t think Lorena was as bad as you all do, but I agree with Vallegirl that it was a true lack of imagination in transforming the lasagna into something more high-end that did her in. But if they were judging them on how well the kids were taught, Kerry would be last. He was terrible. Those poor kids!

    Hoping Chris takes the title.

  11. 11
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted September 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    If Curtis was actually The Grim Reaper, nobody would fear death. I would actually probably have killed myself by now.
    Speaking of which, I almost choked to death on my cookie because of that thing about Patricia’s mole still being in the competition.

    And I loved loved loved seeing Chris with those kids. His approach to them was so nice…I wish I could live in his house and he could talk to me about food all day. But I wanted to kick Kerry’s teeth in, and it really annoyed me how when they went to present, he was all shaking them telling them to relax, like he was some friendly guy. If it wasn’t for him being up their asses the entire challenge, they wouldn’t be so damn tense. I hated how he spoke to Ruth in the quickfire too. And the way he talks in confessional, with one side of his face turned to camera is so annoying. He just really chaps my hide and I hope that Chris beats the pants off him in the finale.

    But I’m so happy that Lorena is gone, I’m going to have a dinner party at Taco Bell.
    Cantina Bowls for everyone!
    And then we can come back to my house and have dessert…I make a mean cilantro ice cream, and my cilantro cupcakes are to die for. I even have a nice cilantro buttercream that I put on them.

  12. 12
    annespan65
    Posted September 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    AWESOME recap. I think the “Lorena Garcia report to the Drive Thru, your 15 minute break is over” pic with caption will be my new screensaver!

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