Top Chef Masters Recap: School House Rock

Top Chef

By MisRed | Friday, September 21, 2012 | 2:18 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Top Chef

Lorena thinks the kids are nervous and shy. Kerry’s girl grew up in the restaurant biz.

Kerry tastes the dish his students made- Chicken Florentine. Chicken wrapped around string cheese. He is, basically, mortified to be eating STRING CHEESE.

STRING CHEESE?!?!?!  EW!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, Kerry hasn’t heard anything about childhood obesity or that many kids in the US do not have access or means to get fresh, healthy foods. Not everyone was born with a ball of fresh mozzarella in their mouths… Nevertheless, Kerry thinks he can help them improve on their dish by making a more delicate and interesting stuffing? He could stuff it with babies. Babies are delicate.

Lorena’s kids made Lasagna with a salad. “Lasagna. WOW!” all phony like they are 2 year olds.

Chris’s kids made pork with sliced apples and a apple brandy sauce.

 Chris sat down and talked quietly with his students. He explained to them what pigs in California (when raised properly) eat. They eat the apples and hazelnuts that fall from the trees and feed on watercress in the fields. So that’s what they are going to do. They are going to make a simple, delicious meal without a ton of ingredients.

Chris explains that he was not a good student. He was voted most likely to wind up in prison.

Anne Burrell!  oh, wait, no, Chris Cosentino

He had a learning disability, but he understood hands-on stuff- like cooking.

JoJo tells Lorena that this was the first time he has made lasagna. Lorena needs to find a way to elevate this dish.

The teams have 30 minutes to shop and $300.

On the way to shop at Whole Paycheck the three teams had completely different experiences. Chris and his kids just sat and shot the sh*t.

Lorena was explaining to her kids how they could make a lot of money.

If you play your cards right, you can work at Taco Bell too 

Kerry talks to his kids about “The Godfather.” Neither of them had ever heard of it and looked like they both wanted to jump out of the moving car.

At Whole Paycheck, the usual frenzy, didn’t happen. They all shopped as teams. Kerry said “I could either explain everything, or I could rush through it.” We aren’t sure what route he took.

Chris explains that great food doesn’t need to be complicated- simple is better. As they pass by Lorena’s and Kerry’s shopping baskets, Chris says “Notice? Notice?” The other teams’ cards are overflowing with stuff. Chris’s teams cart is not nearly as full. Chris asks Emilio how he feels? Emilio replies “Sweaty.” And he’s not even in the kitchen yet.

Sweaty kid Aisle 5

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MisRed
About

Misred is an East Coast Gal and a jack of all trades.  Project Manager, Trained Chef, Amateur Writer, Professional Mocker, Devoted Wife and Mother of Furry Kids (dogs, not werewolves).  I spend my time doing all of the above, as well as making the necessary preparations for my eventual and eternal damnation in the fiery pits of hell.  I take comfort in knowing I'll have friends there... like Satan.

Check out my blog www.meabritapitandanitwit.wordpress.com

12 Comments

  1. 1
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I loved how, even though this was Lorena’s favorite challenge yet, the first thing she does when she gets eliminated is to throw those kids under the bus, saying that it was unfortunate that she got sent home on a dish that she didn’t cook herself. Maybe she would have won if she had put some cilantro on the lasagna….I’m so glad she is finally gone!

    Great recap, MissRED!

  2. 2
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    ….ooops! sorry, MisRed :)

  3. 3
    MisRed MisRed
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    JimmyT- no worries- I’ve been called MUCH worse… And daily.

  4. 4
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    And she loved it so much and yet was the only one who didn’t seem interested in bonding with the kids. Kerry emphasized teaching technique and choosing better ingredients so his was a practical demonstration, Chris went intellectual and really taught the kids about how all the ingredients should work together and Lorena…taught them how to make a cream sauce.

    She’s awful and I had a moment of panic when James kept whining about Chris’ wilted salad and it being “too simple.” Thankfully they realized they couldn’t have the Executive Cheft at Taco Bell in the finale and dumped her.

    Also she didn’t lose because of the kids. The dish was perfectly prepared so they did what she needed them to do. She lost because of her own lack of imagination, not because she couldn’t “cook her own food.”

  5. 5
    niknakflipflop niknakflipflop
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Slow-fucking-clap to MisRed. That was an absolutely hilarious recap! Thank you!

  6. 6
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Anne Burrell? Chris was totally Art Alexakis.

  7. 7
    Dawn
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Love the Wolverine cover!

  8. 8
    JimmyT JimmyT
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    @valleygirl – I was afraid that Chris was going to go home too. LG has a bunch of connections to the TV culinary industry and I think that Bravo may have caved a little and kept her around to give her more exposure. It sure seems like other reality competition shows are going more and more in that direction instead of making it completely fair competition. I’d like to think that Top Chef is above that kind of thing, but LG totally seems like a one-note chef and I can’t believe that she stuck around as long as she did.

    Also, James has been getting on my nerves lately. How I wish there were some twist in the finals where they also get rid of one of the judges.

  9. 9
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Excellent Recap – Hubby Butterfly and I both said that if Chris went home, we just weren’t watching Top Chef Masters anymore. You’d have never convinced me that Lorena deserved to stay over Chris. Ever. EVER.

    Taco Bell… Hmph…

  10. 10
    zerocool
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I didn’t think Lorena was as bad as you all do, but I agree with Vallegirl that it was a true lack of imagination in transforming the lasagna into something more high-end that did her in. But if they were judging them on how well the kids were taught, Kerry would be last. He was terrible. Those poor kids!

    Hoping Chris takes the title.

  11. 11
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted September 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    If Curtis was actually The Grim Reaper, nobody would fear death. I would actually probably have killed myself by now.
    Speaking of which, I almost choked to death on my cookie because of that thing about Patricia’s mole still being in the competition.

    And I loved loved loved seeing Chris with those kids. His approach to them was so nice…I wish I could live in his house and he could talk to me about food all day. But I wanted to kick Kerry’s teeth in, and it really annoyed me how when they went to present, he was all shaking them telling them to relax, like he was some friendly guy. If it wasn’t for him being up their asses the entire challenge, they wouldn’t be so damn tense. I hated how he spoke to Ruth in the quickfire too. And the way he talks in confessional, with one side of his face turned to camera is so annoying. He just really chaps my hide and I hope that Chris beats the pants off him in the finale.

    But I’m so happy that Lorena is gone, I’m going to have a dinner party at Taco Bell.
    Cantina Bowls for everyone!
    And then we can come back to my house and have dessert…I make a mean cilantro ice cream, and my cilantro cupcakes are to die for. I even have a nice cilantro buttercream that I put on them.

  12. 12
    annespan65
    Posted September 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    AWESOME recap. I think the “Lorena Garcia report to the Drive Thru, your 15 minute break is over” pic with caption will be my new screensaver!

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