-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- PinkTop: I’m heartbroken.
- brebay: 1. rudimentary 2. WTF?????? None of your post makes any sense, is it meant to be...
- captain picard: So very sad! This site has been my go to sanctuary since 2007! Can’t believe it.
- blazergirl: @sororsalsa, the word is that Sabra had a falling out with either Nigel or the show (not...
- MargoRita: While we’re on the \Cora\ subject, can we PLEASE not forget to mention a...
- zbird: I have been around here for. ever. Since the B-side and J-unit days. Remember Honey Bunny? Yeah. I do. This...
- zbird: ^^^ Doesn’t do well with change. *whimper* Such a bummer.
- SororSalsa: Just watched the Top 20 show…I think they picked a good group. All of my faves are in!...
- pageantkidgrownup: It’s 10 something pm. My oldest two kids are playing Black Widow...
- AliceinPopLand: This site is blocked at my work. I’m so depressed right now. I cant follow my fav recaps at work...
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
10:00 am
18 Comments
Happy Mother’s Day everybody! I hope you all had a great time with your moms, whether you carefully navigated a guilt-laden meal in an overcrowded restaurant understaffed by harried servers and everyone wound up having to share the same fork… or you chickened out and did it all safely by remote telephone call. Either way, it’s the thought that counts. And hopefully your mom didn’t annoy you so much you found yourself entertaining any of the Lizzie Borden variety. My little sister B-Mo and my little brother Al-Mo and I decided we were going to invade my mom’s place this morning and make her breakfast. It was so much fun, and I have the bacon-fat burns to prove it. Meanwhile, my BF sat back on his fat ass and sucked up mimosas and laughed at me as I dodged yet another spurting jet of popping piggy grease. And I’m not upset with him in the slightest, because he did something this weekend that earned him several thousand brownie-points and my undying love. *sigh* I wish we could get married…
Because it’s definitely true love when you gaze at each other and you both feel like hurling
I will tell you all about the amazing and magical thing he did later on. Right now it’s time to talk about Top Chef Masters as we begin the Champion’s Round. I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen some of these people, so let’s review who’s competing to win $100,000.00 for charity plus the ultimate way to make people instantly think you’re a huge assbag bragging rights!
“I’m the next Top Chef Master because I have the biggest… forehead.”
“Watch me levitate my luscious fruit! Or deep throat it.”
“No, watch me work my Puerto Rican magic with my especial Oil Of Olé!”
“If you make me look like a drag queen again I will execute on you, J-Mo!”
“I will gut a bitch to win this motherfucker.”
“Did that asshole say something about my gut?”
“I am not trying to seduce you! Would you like me to seduce you?”
“Look. I hide ponytair! Just like ninja!”
As the Champion Masters gather in the TCM Kitchen and begin to greet one another, you can tell that a lot of them are friends and are excited to see one another. Then Kelly Choi shows up…
wearing a necklace made of anal beads
She congratulates everybody on making it to the Champion’s Round, and tells ‘em that from now on, the Master who gets the lowest score out of everyone will be sent home, until there are only three left to battle it out for the title… of Top Chef Bastard Master!
Of course this means that La Marquessa has to start yammering about how being on TCM is like competing at the World Cup, which means exactly zilch to everybody in the U.S. because we don’t give a fuck about that Europenile Football bullshit, we like our American Football, with big, burly, sexy guys in skin-tight pants bending over for long periods of time and showing their mighty rippling muscular-ish asses to high-definition cameras. I should really watch it more often. Anyhow, what he really means is that it’s like the SuperBowl, and he’s inspired that everybody comes from different backgrounds (which is kinda true, we’ve got two fat white dudes, a crazy nutbag, a goofy lesbiana, a teeny latina, a horny cougar, an angry Asian, and a black Swede). However he says he MUST win, because “nobody remembers who won the quarter-final!” (He means, of course, that nobody remembers who wins the first round of the Playoffs). I really wish he would just enroll in gold old S.T.F.U. and give us all a break from his incessant bragging… or else I’m going to be forced to do this…
once again, this was insanely easy
Ok, so it’s time for their QuickFire Challenge, and once again, instead of the Knife-Block™, they’re back to that lame-ass “Pick A Covered Pot With A Colored Apron Inside Of It” thing. Why can’t they just use the damn Knife-Block™? Did Scar get jealous that Bok Choi got renewed for a second season and she hid it? Stupid. Anyhow, we now have an Evil Red Team consisting of CeeGee (who isn’t really evil, she’s just short), Tobama, Sussudio and La Marquessa, and on the Cool Blue Team we’ve got ChicleTeeth, Waxie, Cougarella and Reverend Moonie.
Sussudio’s excited about being on the Red Team because “iss a good Chinese color!” True. It also means “stop” and “empty” and “sunburnt” and “embarrassment” and “spanked” and “overheated” and “lying” and “angry” and “clownish” and “insanity” and “communism” and “whorehouse” and “nuclear meltdown” and “really into fist-fucking”. I’m not even kidding about that last one, ask your gay friends about “The Hanky Code” from the 70’s and 80’s, they’ll tell you I’m right. In any case, ChicleTeeth’s feeling pretty intimidated by the powerhouse combination of Masters on the Red Team…
“Their douchebaggy synergy is formidable!”
She’s afraid they’re about to just get stomped. I hope that means the Blue Team is going to kick some ass. Bok Choi says this QuickFire will be the “ultimate test” in teamwork, because it’s the dreaded Tag-Team Cook-Off from Season Six! Each team makes one dish, each Master gets to cook one at a time for ten whole minutes, they cannot speak to each other at all, and while they’re waiting their turn, they must be blindfolded. Make no mistake, this challenge fucking sucks.
No one knows this better than Reverend Moonie, because he actually judged this challenge during Top Chef Season Six in Las Vegas…
and wishes he hadn’t laughed so hard when everybody sprouted giant pit-stains last season
Our sweet DirtyBear Kevin (who should have fucking won instead of that assclown Li’l Volt) said this was the “most insane challenge EVAH!” Moonie agrees it’s no fun at all, which is just too fucking bad, because Bok Choi now says they’ve got exactly 30 seconds to decide the order in which they’re going to be cooking. Immediately Tobama notes that whoever goes first and last will be the most important, and that’s La Marquessa’s cue to insist that he go last.
Over on Crystal Blue Persuasion, Moonie’s suggesting that Waxie be the Final Fourth for their team, but for some weird reason Waxie looks, well, waxy and upset by this suggestion. Eventually he reluctantly agrees and then reveals to us that he is extremely claustrophobic and absolutely hates being blindfolded…
“There was an incident during ‘Pin The Tail On The Donkey’ at my 8th birthday party… I accidentally stuck a pin in my mother’s left booie.”
Wow, that’d ruin it for anybody! And who needs more mommy-issues? Not me, that’s for sure. Anyhow, as if all this wasn’t bad enough, the sole judge for today’s QuickFire is Jay FugTaser! Woo hoo, let’s hear it for trying to keep your appetite alive in the face of, well, that face. On the plus side, the winning team will get to split $10,000.00 for their four charities, and their 40 minutes starts now!
ChicleTeeth is starting for Cool Blue, while Tobama’s batting for Evil Red. ChicleTeeth is thinking of Moonie’s expert touch with seafood, so she immediately decides to make a fish stew, which sounds kind of slimy and disgusting to me, but that’s only because I think of them dumping whole fish in there, guts and all, and that’s just gross. Hopefully that’s not going to be her approach. Oh good, she’s looking at using mussels and scallops and maybe some of those Goldfish crackers. OK, no, that’s just me craving Goldfish crackers. Or pie. Or maybe a ham. I dunno, I’m fucking hungry, I’ll be right back…
and in the mean time, here’s picture of ChicleTeeth wearing some herbs
Fuck me, all I found was some stale pretzels. In any case, ChicleTeeth says the great thing about fish stew is that it’s totally versatile and can happen very quickly, unlike Peking Duck, which would have been a completely stupid choice. Also, the dish she’s describing sounds an awful lot like one my mom used to make when she was pressed for time. It was called “casserole”.
Tobama’s being the vanguard for Evil Red, and wants to set his team up for success so he’s grabbing all kinds of pots and pans, and basic ingredients like butter and olive oil, and he believes Sussudio’s and La Marquessa’s talents also lie in the seafood realm, so he grabs some bass, mussels and scallops as well. Copycatter! Except he decides that in order to be different he’s going to add some prosciutto as well, which, ham and seafood? That’s different all right. I guess there’s nothing like a little seapig stew when you’re dying of hunger. Which I would have to be in order to eat that shit. Also interesting is the fact that he gave zero thought to the possible strengths and talents of CeeGee. Is it because she is una mujer? I hate to say it, but I think all of the ladies get very little respect from the male Masters. Oh well, their time is up, so Cougarella jumps in for the Bluesies and CeeGee for the Redsies.
Cougarella’s having a lovely time trying to puzzle out the clues that ChicleTeeth has left behind. It’s too bad she didn’t think to line up a bunch of scallops and clamshells and spell out “FISH STEW” or something. Is that cheating? OK, yes, but I’m dying to see the Red Team lose so La Marquessa can give more dagger eyes to people and Sussudio can be piss off. Anyhow, Cougarella says she actually watched this QuickFire during the Vegas season and remembered how Bitter Jen came out of the gate saying she knew she needed to get some kind of creamy sauce going…
no, Cougarella, she did not mean for you to do it like that
Actually she grabs a bottle of what looks like wine, which would make my mom fall in love with her instantly, because my mom lives for her wine time. This makes her extremely easy to buy gifts for on Mother’s Day. Wine and printer ink for her endless pictures and she’s totally happy. So, of course I bought her the new Toni Braxton CD. What? This way if she starts drunk-dialing random family members then nobody can blame me. I like to think ahead. Back to the show, ChicleTeeth is watching Cougarella as she busts open her wine to start making her sauce and she’s all “Ohhhhhh-kayyy??”, like she’s completely perplexed at what she’s doing. I guess at times like these it would really come in handy to be a psychic. Or even a ventriloquist. She’s also more than a little concerned when she sees Cougarella throwing the mussels into the stew so early on, she’s afraid they’re going to be super-overcooked…
I think she should be more concerned about the fact that Cougarella just flopped a third of their food out onto the stovetop
Also, good luck picking up that pot on the back burner that’s had the handle directly over the lit burner for the last ten minutes. Meanwhile, CeeGee’s having a little trouble guessing what’s going on as well. She believes that since Tobama’s an Italian that their dish is also going to be Italian, too, so she decides to just get the fish ready to cook. OK, I hate to admit this, but perhaps Tobama was right in dismissing her contribution here, it seems like she just kinda coasted through her ten minutes doing random shit.
Sussudio and Moonie’s turn at bat! The Reverend takes one look at the prep table with random vegetables and seafood and wine scattered everywhere and instantly he’s like “WTF am I gonna do with all this shit?” Sussudio’s not having any better of a time, “Right away I said to myself dese ingredient, it is very limited! I fly to da pantry to making sure I have flavor!” He really does fly, too, it’s kinda cute, his ponytail’s whipping around everywhere with ninja-like precision. He’s decided this dish is definitely supposed to be “Metiterranean” so he’s adding some chopped arugula, lemon juice, olive oil, and salt, and he’s definitely pleased about how it tastes by the time he’s done with it…
“You fuck more hard with my name I going to be very piss off on you, J-Mo!”
Reverend Moonie takes a taste of the broth in the pan and he’s tasting the fennel and mussels and believes he can turn it into a successful bouillabaisse, which JACKPOT, that’s a fancy French word for “FISH STEW”! He got it! He figured it out! I don’t understand why ChicleTeeth is standing there hunched over, looking like her butt just ate her panties and murmuring “Ai yai yai” under her breath!
You know, Waxie’s been standing there for a half-hour with a blindfold on, sweating and trying not to completely lose his shit and freak out all over the place and just start stabbing things. He says when the claustrophobia kicks in he feels the heat of the kitchen way more than normal, and right now he’s sweating and possibly pooping a brick. I’m feeling relieved when Bok Choi finally calls time for he and La Marquessa to jump in and finish off this motherfucker!
Once Waxie gets into the middle of things it’s like he never had any problem at all, because his Zen mojo comes right back. He takes a minute or two to really get a good look at what’s going on and to taste everything. The rest of the Bluesies are gathered and watching, and Reverend Moonie says all will be well now that Obi Wan KeWaxie’s started to feel The Force. He’s telling ChicleTeeth and Cougarella to just watch closely as The Jedi Masterchef takes it all in…
and waiting for Waxie to make his Bingoface™
and there it is!
Could he be any cuter? Only if he was my sweet Teddy Graham Elliot Bowles. Anyhow, Waxie knows exactly what to do, he adds a big slab of butter to the dish, saying it will give the sauce an unctuousness (I hadda look that one up, I thought it meant ass-kissy, and I was sorta right, but he means it in the sense of rich, lush, velvety flavor, which is even better) and says that it will also help mellow some of the more acidic flavors from the seafood.
As for La Marquessa, he’s noting that the Evil Red dish has a lot of strong flavors with the scallops and prosciutto and seared bass, and he thinks it’s just too much to put it all in one bowl, so he takes the fish and plates it next to the soup bowl because he believes it makes for a “stronger aesthetic point-of-view”. I think it doesn’t have fuckall to do with aesthetics or “making a statement”, I think it has everything to do with the fact that he is La Marquessa and he wants to put his personal stamp all over the plate and erase everyone else’s culinary contributions…
“And we’ll be calling the dish ‘Marcus Geniusson’.”
I’m surprised he didn’t carve little “MS”s all over the skin of the fish. Time runs out, and now the two teams get to present their dishes for FugTaser’s delight and approval. Blech…
“(And Made The World Nauseous At The Same Time)”
The Evil Red Menace goes first with their single-dish-that-wound-up-split-into-two-to-make-it-look-like-they-did-more-work-than-the-Bluesies-did…
this looks like the fish rusted
while the bowl of limp greens looks busted
FugTaser thinks the scallops are extremely well-cooked (and we know how much they hate overcooked scallops on Top Chef… almost as much as Gail hates burnt charred rubbery eggs!) and he seems to like the mussels in the shell. Digging into the bass, he says it’s also well prepared, but thinks the prosciutto looks a trifle gray (cut to Tobama looking like an Imodium ad). Still, Fuggie’s enjoying the “bright herby-ness” (which he weirdly pronounces with a hard “h”, like it was “Herbie-The-Love-Bug-ness”) but he’s questioning if it’s supposed to be one dish or two, “I’m just not entirely convinced you necessarily want both of them.” I say blame La Marquessa.
Over with the Blues SisterBrothers, Reverend Moonie is concerned because he’s noticed that the Red Team’s dish is extremely similar to theirs, and thinks they might be in trouble…
I think he’s right to be worried, they look awful similar
After digging into his second bowl of fish guts, Fuggie says the scallops in the Blue dish are actually cooked a little better than the Reds did theirs, he thinks they’ve been seared in such a way as to bring out the natural sweetness of them. Bokky asks how he’s liking the mussels in this dish (that ChicleTeeth was afraid Cougarella had put on too early) and he says they’re perfect (so how ‘bout stop being such a worrywart, Chicky!). However, upon tasting more of the broth he comments there’s a very pronounced bitterness in it, but he doesn’t necessarily mean that in a negative way…
Waxie begins making plans to cram a fear-sweat-soaked blindfold into FugTaser’s nasal cavity
FugTaser takes to his star cards, and let’s take a break…
Miss Andy finally comes clean about what she’s really packin’ down south
Back in the TCM Kitchen it’s time for the results. The Evil Red Team gets a total of four Fuglike stars! La Marquessa immediately bitches to us about the fact that it wasn’t five stars. Gaaahd, fuckface, could you just shut it for 20 seconds? Besides, there are children in China who have no stars at all.
Cool Blue Team is on pins and needles as Bok Choi calls out that they…
just won $10,000.00 with a casserole
Yay, they get $2,500.00 each for their charities! Guess who is the only person that could possibly ever be piss off about such a wonderful thing?…
Bitter Ninja™ here, apparently
He says now he’s going to have to “kick up quite a few nachos”. Huhwha? OH, I’m sorry, it was “notches” that he said. My bad. Shit, now I’m hungry for Doritos. I’m going on another Snack Search™, be right back…
Dammit, all I found were some hairy M&Ms under the couch cushions. I’m getting desperate and might have to eat that salad that’s mocking me from the top shelf of the fridge. Bluh. All right, here’s the Elimination Challenge, which they are staying in teams for… and that’s Wedding Wars! Gaaaaah, what a pain in the culo this is! CeeGee knows it, cuz she says catering a wedding is always challenging, “It’s their most special occasion, and they want everything to be perfect!”…
“At the same time, I want to be tall enough not to have a bunch of man-boobs staring me in my face all the time, but we can’t always get what we want.”
Seriously, I can only imagine the kind of crap wedding caterers have to go through. Yes, I get it that you’re (in theory) only going to get married (for the first time, anyhow) once, and you’re spending a fortune and want everything to be memorable for all the right reasons instead of for the wrong ones, such as your Dirty Uncle Max who tries to feel up all the bridesmaids under 50, or your Great Aunt Gert who lives to snarf up deviled eggs and never seems to realize that she farts almost constantly for hours afterwards.
The thing is, mass-produced food for large crowds is never going to be as good as it is when you’re cooking for, say, six. It just isn’t, and it’s hard as fuck to get timing exactly right so your pasta salad doesn’t turn mushy and your veggies don’t dry out (or taste like Sterno). Any couple that thinks they’re going to get a perfect meal out of their wedding food might as well file for divorce now, because there’s always something that gets fucked up. And tonight will be no exception.
Bok Choi mentions the fact that Wedding Wars is also known to be extremely grueling and taxing and just plain wears people down, and we get flashbacks of Top Chef Season Four’s episode showing Fleasa complaining that she’s so tired she needs therapy…
no, we all need the therapy from fifteen weeks of watching you needing a bath
Ahhh, memories. That was the episode where Dale Dung 2.0 had a wittle tantwum and punched a waww cuz he was vewwy, vewwy mad. Kids get cranky when they miss nappy-time. And Bokky’s telling them they only have a total of 12 hours over 2 days to pull this menu together and execute on it, PLUS they have to feed 150 people! Waxie looks like someone’s coming at him with another blindfold. OH, and one more thing: each team must make a wedding cake! Ooooh, they’re gonna be wishing they had just served a stack of alternating Twinkies and Ho-Hos! Let’s meet the lucky couple! This is Elizabeth and Aaron and they’re getting married on the following day! Congratulations! You scored getting free food from some of the world’s best chefs and you get to be on TV…
how bout smiling a little?
Gee, which one of these two looks more easygoing and laid-back? Well, the Groom Aaron says he’s a steak & pertaters kind of guy, especially filet and au gratin style. Naturally this means that Bride Elizabeth wants something simple and easy, too: “I love French food, and I love Asian food.” Mmmmyeah, OK, not so much. Anyhow, because Cool Bluesies won the QuickFire, they get to choose whether they’re going to cook for the Bride or the Groom. After conferring for a few moments (and hearing ChicleTeeth say that meat & pertaters sounds really boring) they wind up choosing… the Bride??!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ugh, why are you guys being so stupid???!?…
I mean, nobody ever came up with a show called “Groomzillas”, did they?
Dumbasses. Oh well, I’m sure it won’t be boring. La Marquessa says that he wishes the Blues had gone with GroomAaron as well, because Bridezillabeth gave them more options with her French and Asian preferences. Gee, it wouldn’t also have anything to do with the fact that your team has the only Ancient Chinese Secret Chef™ on it, would it? No matter, what’s done is done, now the teams get 45 minutes to talk with their respective half of the soon-to-be-happy couple and get more details on what they want.
Right away GroomAaron doesn’t endear himself to the Evil Red Team, because he starts shooting every one of their suggestions down. He doesn’t want barbecue because that’ll be too messy (which, okay, good point, but that’s what bibs and napkins are for, and BBQ tastes even better when you’re hammered) and he doesn’t want truffles or foie gras because that’s too much along the lines of the hoity-toity menu Bridezillabeth is planning. OH, and if things weren’t hard enough already, he drops the bomb that he’s Jewish and therefore our tasty little piggy friends are not welcome at his shindig. CeeGee’s rolling her eyes, she’s the Puerto Rican Porque Queen, and this guy just took away her chance for another tiara!…
I would have said ‘OK Baldy, you’re getting Cut Up Hebrew Nationals In A Blanket and a Jell-O salad.’
Also, he insists on having a carrot cake for his wedding cake. Pfft, everybody knows if you want to have a really cool wedding it should be a red velvet bleeding armadillo cake with grey frosting and served from the carport.
Over at Cool Blueville, Bridezillabeth is living up to her nickname, she doesn’t want shellfish, she doesn’t care for oysters, she doesn’t like lamb…
When she said she loved “French food” I guess she only meant fries and toast
I guess she also doesn’t wanna pop that giant zit on her chin until after the wedding, either. Let it swell some more, sweetie, it just might make your “You may now kiss the bride” moment even more memorable! As far as her wedding cake goes, she just says her favorite dessert is Bananas Foster, which someone should explain to her is not a cake. Oh well, not her problem, right? Thanks, you two! You’ve sufficiently hamstrung the lot of them!
Boy, those 45 minutes just flew by, didn’t they? Now for half of each team it’s off to the giant Whole Paycheck Market in Pasadena (thanks commenter Ziggy!) while the other halves hit up Restaurant Depot. They’ve got an hour and holy fucknuts, $5,000.00 in the budget??!?!?. That’s like 400+ packages of Hebrew Nationals!
CeeGee turns out to be the Little General for her crew, she’s got an organized list of stuff they need and she’s making sure they get everything they need so there are no frantic runs back across town during peak traffic hours like what happened to her last time. Waxie, on the other hand, remains very calm and Zenlike, “We’ll just fill in the blanks as we go.” I love how he doesn’t stress out. Except when you blindfold him.
oh look, it must be time for Douchebag Of The Month™ on the cover of Pasadena magazine
Cougarella winds up convincing Waxie to call ChicleTeeth and Reverend Moonie over at Whole Paycheck to tell them to pick up some lamb shanks. But didn’t Bridezillabeth say she didn’t like lamb? Well, Cougarella says she wants to “give her a lamb that she’s gonna really love”. Perhaps it better be the fluffy kind that’s still alive, I somehow think this is going to backfire on them. Anyhow, she says that she and her husband had a small wedding and did all of the food themselves, which led to them being stuck making sushi rolls on the morning of their own damned wedding day. How nice to get married smelling like fish and seaweed! “I wouldn’t recommend it.”, she deadpans, and we get to see what her sweet hubby looks like…
this is the smile of a man who gets blown on a regular basis
They get six hours to prep in the kitchen, which sounds like enough time to make dinner for the entire country of Cameroon, but not when you add in the fact that they have to do a wedding cake. ChicleTeeth is hating the very fact of a wedding cake, so I’m guessing she’s more of a pie lesbian. In any case, they’ve decided to bust out with three separate hors d’oeuvres…
naturally, Cougarella’s is based on another word for “slutty”
…and here’s their plan for Big Blue Entrées…
naturally, Cougarella’s is based on another word for “giant boobs”
…finished off with their dessert course…
naturally, Cougarella’s is made of the most phallic fruit in the universe
Cougarella just happens to mention (after volunteering to make Bananas Foster) that she’s never made Bananas Foster in her life. Ok, that’s great, but I’m not going to be much help to her, since all I know about Bananas Foster is that there are bananas and booze in it and you light it on fire and hope it doesn’t burn down your house or your restaurant. This means it is the perfect dessert to make at your mother-in-law’s place! I suggest bringing an extra can of super-unleaded just in case.
Sussudio’s making a big show of fast chopping shit up (he is like CuisiNinja!) and says he and his girrfriend had a kid, she asked him about getting married, he put her off, they had a second kid, he asked her about getting married, she said “Fuck you, I’m not getting married now!” Awww, that was really… well, it wasn’t heartwarming or anything, but it sure was real. Thanks, Sussudio! OH, the reason he’s yapping is because he’s never made a carrot cake before, but he says when he lived in British Columbia it was full of hippies and they made the best carrot cake, so I guess he’s gonna make a cake that smells like feet and patchouli oil? And I thought it was brownies that hippies were more proficient at. Well, maybe Canadian hippies are weird.
CeeGee’s still groaning about how GroomAaron insisted they stay away from spicy or flavorful (or tasty) food, so they’re really pulling way back on the seasonings (and imagination)…
yay for the Long John Silvers’ menu!
Perhaps they can pass out paper pirate hats and eye-patches. Here’s their planned Entrées…
yay for oozy skrimps and fancy mac’n'cheezies!
CeeGee’s banging out the side-dishes…
“What your people call corn, my people call maize… or bland garnish.”
And Sussudio’s running with the dessert course, but it’s a big secret, apparently, because besides the carrot cake they don’t elaborate. Oh, and CeeGee’s managed to cut herself again! I’m going to have to change her nickname to ClumCeeGee. Meanwhile, La Marquessa’s complaining about how hard this challenge is, and says he recently got married to his much-taller wife in her hometown in Ethiopia, and gushes that the entire village turned out to help make the food for their wedding…
guess who likes to think they’re prettier in extensions?
That sounds like it would be a lot of fun to be in some remote Ethiopian village just doing your thing, avoiding the political unrest and trying to stay out of crushing poverty, and then suddenly you get drafted into cooking a wedding meal for some Swedish dude who just blew into town. In any case, La Marquessa says the main course during the wedding dinner is extremely important, so naturally he doesn’t trust anybody else to be in charge of it. He’s going to make sure that his roast beef tenderloin is “flavorful”…
by pouring a bunch of babyshit over it
KIDDING! Although Tobama is concerned that La Marquessa’s making the meat way too spicy for the milquetoast palate of our GroomAaron, he’s afraid that in La M’s ambitious desire to show off for the judges he’s going to forget about the fact that it’s GroomAaron’s wedding, and today the Masters are his Ethiopian Villagers. Tobama needs to untwist his tits, if the meat turns out too spicy then just pour some ranch dressing on it, I find that takes care of everything that goes wrong in the kitchen.
The following day at the wedding venue (I’m assuming it’s a synagogue somewhere, which, zzzzzz, when I get married it’s going to be someplace fun, like a drag show, or a bath house, or prison) they have their final six hours to prep before the hungry hordes descend. CeeGee’s telling the rest of Evil Red Team that she’s gonna be “cracking the whip” to make sure they stay on time today. I love how La Marquessa took on three separate dishes and now he’s bitching and moaning about how much work it all is. Well, OK, how about stop trying to be Süper Män and remember today isn’t really about you, asshat! Waxie’s watching La M grilling his tenderloin and remarks to us that he would never serve filet at a wedding because there is way too much chance that it could be over- or under-cooked. Plus, the babyshit doesn’t look like it’s helping anything.
I actually feel sorriest for poor Tobama, it’s been a loooooong time since he had to do this much standing at one time without taking a break, his poor feeties are hurting him and his back is killing him and he’s feeling like he’s not gonna make it through the service (which hasn’t even started yet)! Yeah, it’s a bitch having to do all this actual cooking once you’ve become an elevated master chef, huh?…
wah
Along with keeping meticulous to-do lists of everything they should be doing (I wouldn’t be surprised if “keep meticulous to-do list” was actually on her to-do list) CeeGee is also kinda floating and helping all of her teammates with anything they need. They sure could use her over on Team Bluesies, because Waxie is making an absolute fuckball of their wedding cake. He’s cut the layers into a short, stubby, blocky pyramid, slathered it in frosting, and shoved a bunch of berries into it. It looks horrible, but he’s not worried, because he believes Cougarella’s Bananas Foster is their true wedding cake…
which is good, because nobody’s gonna want a chunk of this Fruity Apocalypto Aztec Temple™ crap
Meanwhile, the happy (if picky) couple is enfolded in their bliss…
and I’m happy for them, but Prop 8 still sucks
I hope he was gentle on that sweltering zit of hers, that thing was ready to erupt in a stiff wind. Anyhow, time has run out, and the appetizers are on their way to the people, starting with ChicleTeeth’s little pile of overproduction…
composed of 5,291 ingredients
Suddenly NerdMosexual’s there to say it’s “perfection”, but Bridezillabeth says she’s tasting a lot of cum. I say get used to it, honey, now you know what it’s like to be a gay man. OH, she said cumin, sorry. GroomAaron says it reminds him of falafel and they both giggle like a pair of ‘tards. I guess falafel is hysterically funny in GroomAaron’s family. Let’s move on to Waxie’s nibbly things…
thanks for making sure the food appears on these truly appetizing hot pink napkins Bridezillabeth!
Or maybe the color scheme is blush and bashful? Either way, it’s never a good idea to serve food on top of something that suggests Pepto-Bismol. Nevertheless, FugTaser and NerdMo like the pancake, but everybody else is complaining how it’s just too damn big to fit in their mouths! I have yet to find much of anything I can’t fit into my mouth. More along the lines of “fun size” is Cougarella’s offering…
which look eerily like Ritz crackers and Cheez Wiz
I had to look up raclette to find out it’s both a type of cheese and a dish unto itself. FugTaser likes the crispness of it and Gramma Gael pipes up that it’s easy to eat with your fingers and still be able to flirt with people. Then she winks at FugTaser and he immediately blanches in terror. Meanwhile, Bridezillabeth is orgasming over them. I suspect she thought they were Le Ritz A La Cheez Weez, too. Let’s see what Evil Red Team has to offer in the nibbly things department, starting with La Marquessa…
what the fuck are robster rorrs?
Bridezillabeth says she really likes the presentation, and I’m not sure why this is so impressive to her: it’s on a spoon. Plus, La Marquessa would have quickly found out why you never put stuff on a spoon at a wedding in my family, there would immediately be a large number of robster rorrs hurtling through the air. As for how it tastes, Bok Choi says it’s delicious, and FugTaser calls it “bright” and “rich” right before he gets beaned in the head with one that was launched by NerdMo’. As for La M’s second appetizer…
ooh la la, chocolate Ritz!
GroomAaron says it’s a mouthful but it’s good. I say get used to it, honey, now you know what it’s like to be a gay man. NerdMosexual calls it “sophisticated” and FugTaser says it’s absolutely extraordinary and now he wants to marry La Marquessa…
thanks, Fuggie, you just made the best argument in favor of Prop 8 EVAH
However, they’re less impressed with CeeGee’s entry into the food fray…
her sad little krabby patty
NerdMo’ says it’s nice but not really much more than that. GroomAaron thinks it has a pretty good flavor, which prolly means it’s almost tasteless. Bridezillabeth is just gazing lovingly at him and trying not to think about the fact that they’ve only been married for about 40 minutes and already he’s making her drowsy…
meanwhile, her BB’s (Bitter Bridesmaids™) are making fun of her chin zit
Back in the Evil Red Team kitchen, Tobama says they have to start setting up the buffet, and Sussudio thanks him for the reminder, “Tony’s da man!” CeeGee’s working right across the prep table from him and asks “What about me, baby?” (since she’s been the one keeping their shit together all night long). His response? “Oh. You da girl.” Niiiiiice.
Over in the Cool Blue Team kitchen, Reverend Moonie’s realizing he’s running out of time to get his fish’n'seafood cooked (because fish cannot be cooked early and then set aside in a warmer… unless it’s on a stick and came from a box with the Gorton’s Fisherman on the outside of it) so he’s made a big bonfire to get everything done, and is reaching his hands into the flames to manipulate the fishflesh…
because using a pair of tongs would have just been too sane
He’s upset that he’s a big ball of sweat and fried hair and crazy eyes and ADHD meds residue, and now he’s going to have to go serve on the buffet line looking a hot mess. Hey, here comes the bland happy couple to get their dinner, and Waxie’s kinda cringing over the fact that Cougarella’s boldly serving Bridezillabeth a lamb dish that she clearly didn’t ask for…
but she’s gonna get anyhow
Risky move. Waxie’s dish makes a lot more sense…
in a Kenny Rogers’ Roasters kind of way
Reverend Moonie brings up the Entréar…
with his “Seafood Sprinkled In Crispy Blackened Skin Cells” plate
Yum. Gramma Gael immediately asks (with a slight note of incredulity) how he was able to keep the fish rare, and Moonie says he cooked it all at the last minute. He neglects to mention that they may find a charred fingernail or two in amongst the meat.
Back at their table, NerdMosexual’s cooing that the lamb is fabuloussss and Bok Choi can’t get over how flavorful it is! But what does Bridezillabeth think of it?…
well, if she weren’t in front of a whole buncha people, she’d be tweaking her own nipples
Is it just me, or is it just a smidge tacky to have the girls hanging out so far when you’re getting married? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m a prude or anything, and I certainly think tits are fabulous in their own right, but would it have killed her to add an extra two inches of material to the top of that dress? Well, maybe she did it to get GroomAaron so hot and bothered that by the time they hit the honeymoon suite he’ll pop off in about a minute-thirty and she can get some rest and work on that zit of hers. As far as the food goes, she uses the word “perfect” about three different (and unnecessary) ways. See what happens when you try new things, BrideyBeth?
Back at the Critics’ table, Gramma Greene’s calling Waxie the Chicken Master, and NerdMo’ says the clucky little dish is “shockingly good”. However, Bokky says the sauce on Moonie’s mixed seafood grill is way too sweet and Gramma’s disappointed that the fish is actually overcooked. Bridezillabeth says it didn’t “stand out” from everything else, but to be fair she’s incredibly thankful and grateful for having such amazing (and free) wedding food.
Now it’s time for GroomAaron’s spread, and La Marquessa’s super excited to show him that he did exactly what he asked for (he neglects to mention the babyshit puree he stuffed the beef filet with). He mentions to us that CeeGee was already finished making her dishes so she was able to help everybody else out with plating and other tasks to make things easier for all of them. Plus you never know when someone’s going to need something off a low shelf or underneath the table. Anyhow, here’s Tobama’s Entrée…
a bunch of gay shrimp
Plus his side dishes…
boy, they sure didn’t need more than one line to describe this dish, did they
and this one didn’t deserve more than one
Oh, no he DI-ent make Noodle-Roni!!! CeeGee’s side-dish ain’t much better…
zzzzzzzz
OMG, this is such Luby’s food (minus the people keeling over at lunchtime and being taken away in ambulances) I can’t even believe it. Don’t believe me? Wait til you get a load of La Marquessa’s meat…
and no, that’s not what she said
Digging in with the Critics, NerdMosexual says Tobama’s taters are “exquisite”. Yeah, but so are Betty Crocker’s. Naturally GroomAaron thinks they’re just beesy kneesy. Gramma Gael is very impressed with how wonderfully cooked Tobama’s oozy skrimps are, but NerdMo is quick to point out that his rigatoni dish is overcooked and quite limp, and he’s puzzled by CeeGee’s corn crop, “I’m just not sure what it’s meant to go with.” As for La Marquessa’s beef, Gramma immediately notices that it’s “very mushy” but one of the diners says it “melted in his mouth”…
and I immediately think he’s not talking about the food
What? He looks like one of my people! And my people tend to drop a lot of double-entendres like that, it’s part of our cultural legacy. We’re also pretty good at finding that uptight groomsman who’s dying for a quickie beejay in the bathroom, and that’s what I think he’s referring to. Just listen to him: “I’ve never had anything fall apart like that, it was… fantastic!” Mmm-hmm, you go on Miss Mary Matrimony in your blue polka-dot tie. Work that wedding.
Oh. Dear. Jesus. They’re just about to start serving dessert, and someone decided that their blocky Aztec berry pyramid wasn’t fugly enough, so they stuck some flowers in the frosting as well…
I don’t even have to draw the stink lines coming out of it this time
The boring happy couple are gracious and still pretend like it’s a pretty cake and that it’s not making them nauseous to look at it. Moonie was right earlier when he said Cougarella’s dessert was their real wedding cake…
minus the cake part
And it’s anybody’s guess how ChicleTeeth’s actual cakey-cake is gonna taste…
my guess is like failure
The Critics are all looking at that fucked up cake like it’s a giant pile of roaches. Let’s see what Sussudio did for dessert…
um, how do you say “night and fucking day” in Chinese? OH yeah: 夜和往来天!
Seriously, that thing is about three feet tall and looks professional beyond belief. I am super-impressed Sussudio! Oh wait, there’s more…
圣洁往来屎!
他强奸我，直到我哭泣!
那是什么在蓝色往来？
Okay, Sussudio had me right up until the Boogercake here. Sorry, but that looks hideous. Did he not know which end of the carrots to use? Who knows, but he’s certainly proud to tell the Critics that it’s his first time making moldy carrot cake, and that he had no recipe!
They dig into ChicleTeeth’s Fuglycake and right away notice that it’s dry as sawdust. Gramma Greene is absolutely shocked by it! Bridezillabeth’s bitchclaws are coming out as she whines, “I din’t ass for that! I assed for Bananas Foster!” Dear Jesus, please make someone hand her a plate of it so she’ll shut her yap, did she not see they were serving it right next to the Fuglycake? That little fact certainly didn’t escape the Critics, and FugTaser says the BFoster is “really something special”. Oh yay, they finally found some to stuff into BrideyBeth’s mouth, and she’s saying it’s better than anything else she’s ever tasted…
ok, am I the only one who thought it would have been cute if Cougarella had called it “Jody’s Foster”?
Hmmm? Anyone? Ok, just me, then. Moving on, they confront the army of Sussudio’s desserts. FugTaser is impressed by how much stuff the man put out. Nobody talks about how any of it tastes, though. Oh well, I think he wins by default and sheer numbers. Back in the kitchens, the Masters are all celebrating that this gruelling recap challenge is finally over…
and Cougarella’s ready for some wine and sexytime
Finally we’re at the Critics’ Table, and they really like how the Blue Brides Team’s dishes were synchronous with each other… except for the awful tank cake, which was an utter disaster. The Red Grooms Team gets called out by Bok Choi for being super-dessert-heavy, they wish they’d had another savory dish, either from Sussudio or CeeGee, and then the whole Four-Giant-Decadent-Desserts thing wouldn’t have seemed so excessive. So it all comes down to Blue Brides had better entrées and Red Grooms had better (and far more) desserts.
And the winning team is Blue Brides! This means that Reverend Moonie, ChicleTeeth, Waxie and Cougarella are automatically moving on to the next round! PLUS, the overall winner winds up being Cougarella, and she gets $10,000.00 for her charity! Somebody’s going to have an incredible phone-orgasm tonight!
Naturally when the Cool Blue Team returns to the Interior Illusions Lounge and informs the Evil Red Team that they won, reactions are immediate and unsurprising…
someone getting piss off!
This is why Sussudio annoys the shit out of me: I can’t stand these guys who must win every single time or they get angry. It seems to me it was a little selfish that he just bulldozed the entire dessert segment, and it felt to me like he was just trying to show off, not help out his team. Too bad, so sad, let’s hear them get ripped!
Starting with La Marquessa, NerdMosexual says the sauce with his beef was too sweet, and FugTaser wants to know if La M did anything to it that might have “affected it’s texture”. Marquessa comes clean about having cut it open and poured all that babyshit inside so that it would stay “juiced and moist”. FugTaser’s like, yeah, it was almost mushy, no more giant beef’n'babyshit Ho-Hos, K?…
and don’t try to say it’s an Swedish-Ethiopian delicacy or shoot your eye-daggers at them, just shut up and take it
As for CeeGee, they liked her little Krabby Patty, and the corn salad tasted okay, but they don’t think it was very much to have cooked in 12 hours. Tobama and La Marquessa earn some points with me here when they speak up and mention that CeeGee was very much a part of their team effort, and that she filled in a lot of little roles that needed filling, she was super helpful. Gramma Gael questions whether or not she put forth a dish that really spoke of her talents. CeeGee admits she played it safe, but rightfully points out that they were there to please that boring-ass GroomAaron, and if she had pulled out her spicy Puerrrrto Rrrrrican influences he would prolly be nursing a wittle bit of a tummy-ache fwom aww those nastybad seasonings. Sussudio is notably silent during all of this.
As for Tobama, they loved his au gratin potatoes (Bok Choi especially liked the crusty part on top) but then when they ask him how he thought his Noodle-Roni turned out, he mistakenly believes it was absolutely perfectly al dente like it should have been. Gramma Greene delivers the blow: “Well, I’m so sorry because I think our pasta was overcooked. It was not al dente.”…
“I didn’t even need to leave my teeth in to eat it.”
Poor Tobama wasn’t expecting a Mean Gramma Greene Beatdown! And she’s not finished, either, because she takes a moment out to tell Sussudio that even though the dessert table was beautiful, his dried booger carrot cake was not his “finest hour”. Let’s check in on the Viewer Poll before the final results…
D. Blowing the best man/groom’s dad in the bathroom
Tobama gets 3½ stars from Gramma, 4 from NerdMosexual and 4½ stars from FugTaser, plus 3 stars from the diners for a total of 15. Then Sussudio gets 4½ stars from Gramma, 4 stars from FugTaser, 3½ from NerdMo’ and 4 diner stars, so he’s got 16 and is safe to annoy everyone for another week.
CeeGee’s next, she gets 2 stars from FugTaser, 2½ from NerdMo and Gramma Gael… weirdly enough she got 4 stars from the diners, so she’s got 11 total and now Tobama is safe, too. Ooooooh, La Marquessa’s in the Bottom Twosies! Happy dance! Could he be going home? Well, he gets 3 stars each from NerdMosexual, Gramma and FugTaser, and the diners gave him… WTF, 4½ stars??!??!? Dammit, that means Little Miss CeeGee is going home tonight! Apparently it doesn’t pay to be helpful to your team during Wedding Wars, you should concentrate on putting out more dishes than everybody else so they have no choice but to give you more stars. And with a lovely Jody-Watley-esque “Hasta la vista!” she’s out…
What did you think of this episode? I know, it’s been so long, do you even remember this episode? Do you feel like it was fair that CeeGee got the boot when she was so instrumental in keeping their team organized and moving? Do you like your beef to be mushy or just tender? Are you all over weddings now?
One last thing before I go. The reason why I would totally marry my BF right now if I could: OK, so I have been a humongous Patti LaBelle fan since I was about 10 and first heard “If Only You Knew”, and wouldn’t you know “New Attitude” was one of the first 12 inch singles I ever bought. Well, Miss Patti was in town last Friday night to perform a concert and I scored the tickets, but my BF scored something even better…
we fucking got to meet Patti LaBelle in person
OMFG, seriously? Seconds after this picture was taken I was close to coming completely unglued all over Miss Patti. She signed my “New Attitude” 12-inch, my Flame CD and made a personal inscription to the BF in his copy of her book “Don’t Block The Blessings”. She was super sweet, down-to-earth and didn’t even mind it when I geeked out all over her and told her how much I love her music and her… truthfully, it was one of my life-long dreams finally come true, and it’s all thanks to my sweet BF calling in a longshot favor. I was on a complete high for the entire concert and pretty much the rest of the weekend. SO, if I could marry the BF, I would, because what he did was so special and sweet and I love you, sugarpie… if only you knew…
love, J-Mo 
TV Social
-
18 Comments
Thank you!! I knew it! Every time we watch Can’t Stop The Music, I knew there was something significant about Valerie Perrine walking around getting hankies from all of the guys she was passing in the street. I guess I could have googled it, ah well. I love that movie, Bruce Jenner still looked human.
Great recap but AWESOME boyfriend. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! (as my teenager would say) Definitely a keeper (as my grandmother would say).
What a fantastic surprise! I hope he gets lots of extra lovins for that.
Patty LaBelle is awesome!
Now about this recap… also awesome as usual. I am still firmly on team Susur. Not sure what it is, but I dig him. “I piss off!” He is too funny! Thanks for entertaining us yet again, J-Mo. *heart*
Oh, you make me laugh. I loved the quickfire when Waxie smiled the “bingoface”! How cute was that? You were right on when you said Sussudio (and THAT cracks me up!!) was trying to show off when he made a dozen desserts. Real team player. CG got 4 stars from the diners because they’re REAL PEOPLE! We like corn. We like crab
cakes. We like things we can pronounce and recognize on the plate.
And yes, hanging-out bubbies in an ultra-white wedding gown is a tad tacky.
And your BF is a sweetheart for making your dream come true. Hugs to both of you!!
Excellent re-cap J-mo!
Random thoughts:
1. I’m on team Suser, too. He cracks me up and kudos to his baby-mama for saying that ship had sailed!
2. My Australian brother-in-law (a normally very easy-going guy) freaks out EVERY time we say herbs with the silent “h”. It bothers him so much that of course we have to then say it a couple of times more.
3. OMG I could not believe that bride’s dress!! What was she thinking? Besides tacky looking they were hanging kinda low, like I wouldn’t be bragging and showing them off.
kinda hard to get excited about a review, when a subsequent episode has already aired. I appreciate the effort, but perhaps we could be a bit more timely???
I’m a big fan of the Reverend Moonie, even if it was all his fault we had to suffer through Chiarello last time because he couldn’t get his crap together and plate his corn dogs.
But I’m mostly a fan of your drag queen makeovers of La Marquessa. He’s not going to stop being douchey, so I’m looking forward to more.
And you really should start watching American Football. http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/vhNG9UHGLo8/Charleston+Southern+v+Florida/TVhT6ofTdug/Riley+Cooper
In addition to bending over in tight pants, they also stand up and show off their guns…and pretty, pretty hair.
The ugly cake was made of semolina? Like, spaghetti? Maybe she should have boiled it first!
Hey guys! I can FINALLY make comments again! Yay! (THANK YOU Flipit!)
kizarny… OMG, I LOVE “Can’t Stop The Music”! One of the worst movies of all time! Can you believe Steve Guttenberg was in that POS? I need to talk to Waffleboy about doing a Trashback on that one, it’s a classic example of popularity breeding giant turdbombs at the cineplex. As for the hanky code, for those of you unaware, back in the more closeted days, gay guys would wear colored bandannas in their back pockets as a sort of color code to tell other gay guys what they were into sexually, so if you wore a light blue hanky that meant you were into oral (dark blue was anal), white meant masturbation, black meant S&M, orange meant “anything, anytime, anywhere”, yellow meant watersports, and red meant having someone’s entire hand jammed up your ass. Also, you could advertise your top or bottom status depending on which side you wore it on. Personally I have always found it much easier to actually TALK to people to find out what they’re into, but that’s just me. I’ll pass on the nice things you said about the BF, too! Thanks for the love! xoxo
Snootchy Bootches… I KNOW, right? I was so fucking out of my mind with joy over my Patti experience I nearly blew the BF right there in the back row of the theatre! And I’m glad to see members of Team Sussudio here, I welcome you, and I’m thanking God for him, he gives me much to work with! Thanks for the love! xoxo
baffled… Thank you! I was gonna make a .gif of Waxie’s A-HA moment, but I couldn’t this time around due to technical reasons. And I am so glad that it wasn’t just me being a fraidy ol’ lady about Bridezillabeths low-hangers being on display, it just looked way too much to me. Thanks for the love! xoxo
zerocool… Hahaha, I was laughing about Sussudio’s GF telling him NO on getting married, too! Although, didn’t he say he had a wife? He confuses me. And I didn’t realize that Australians said Hard-H “HERBS” too? That’s awesome that you guys live to irritate him for it, I LOVE that! Thanks for the love! xoxo
vallegirl… I’m loving Moonie, too, he’s weird, but sweet. And thank you, I’m so happy that La Marquessa’s glamour shots are pleasing to you, I plan on doing one at least every episode. Thanks for the picture link, that was tasty! Thanks for the love! xoxo
wasabipeas… OMG, I totally was like WTF, spaghetti cake? I asked my BF about it (because he is the foodie between the two of us) and he said that semolina actually refers to the grain that pasta is made from, so I guess they can make like a flour out of semolina and THAT’S what that cake was made of. I’m with you, it still sounds gross, though. Thanks for the love! xoxo
Thanks you guys for the comment love, I’m so glad to be back up and running wild, working on the new recap now!
love, J-Mo
Semolina bread is absolutely delish too!
Great recap, J-Mo – I don’t mind the wait! And you have a great BF – you are a lucky man. I wish you could marry him. Stupid conservatives.
As for bridezillabeth – I was so distracted by the dress and her boobs. That was beyond tacky! She was a pretty girl when she was covered up. Her boobs were too big and heavy looking for that little bit of material. I kept waiting one of those tiny straps to break and give us a Tara Reid moment.
Those wedding cakes were hideous! I hope they had a real wedding cake for back-up! Love the Steel Magnolia’s references! (“If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me!”) The bleeding armadillo groom’s cake inspired my hubby’s groom’s cake – a giant tuna made of red velvet (ahi tuna!)
Love me some Waxie and Sussudio cracks me up! Almost as much as you! Thanks, and looking forward to the next recap!
J-Mo,
Your BF is AWESOME! I wish you could marry him too.
I’m actually on TeamSusudio as well – I think he can be a prick, but he cracks me up (and you crack me up with all your screencaps of him). So I guess being unintentionally funny while being a prick earns him some good will. Or your screencaps do. I dunno.
I was sad to see CeeGee go home but it wasn’t too surprising. It does seem to happen that a chef that’s helpful and does less dishes than others on the team always seems to get penalized for it.
Thanks for another fabulous recap!! Oh, did you get that e-mail I sent you? I was SO happy!!
SWAK (and a double SWAK for the BF), PottyMouth
Isn’t it awesome? Steve Gutenberg looks like he’s wearing a diaper under those white pants in the opening roller skating credits.
I swear that I’m not a Susur Stalker (although that might be my next login name) but I have his cookbook so… He’s common law married to Brenda Bent, Canadian designer with a couple of kids together. She talked about how they met when he moved to Toronto and I have to quote it: “He came in and wanted an omelette, but not with tomato — with potato. I said, ‘Sure, I’ll see what I can do.’ I know he said, ‘That girl’s a bitch,’ because I said, ‘That guy’s an idiot.’ … So he came to work at the Pan six months later, this was in our punk rock days — he couldn’t believe I didn’t remember him. I said, ‘You’re not as memorable as you think.’”
Apparently his kids tease him with the accent all the time. I love your grabs and captions of him. If you google his images there’s one with his arms crossed and his hair blowing in the wind, sort of a Superman Ninja combination, hilarious.
And since I’m adding anyway, did her grandmother let her walk down the aisle with the girls out like that? One of mine would have stuck her fingers in her mouth and catcalled me walking down the aisle and the other would have jumped up and thrown her jacket over my chest when I passed her.
When Can’t Stop The Music came out I could hardly contain myself. A movie? With the Village People? It has to be good! I do remember seeing the colored bandanas back then too, but was way to clueless to know their meaning. You are so informational J.
Kizarny – no kidding. How could she walk down the aisle (i’m assuming) with her father dressed like that? Not to mention, stand infront of clergy. It’s just too “slutty bride” halloweeny for my taste.
Poor ‘ol Waxy. That cake – ugh. Did he forget to take his blindfold off before putting that together? Still love him though. Waxy FTW.
I’m so happy that one of your dreams was fulfilled and by your hunky BF to boot. Marry him anyway J-Mo. People break the law all the time. For all we know, same sex marriage will be legal next year.
They’re from LA and willing to have their wedding filmed for a reality show. I’m not too surprised that she thought that was an appropriate dress for her wedding.
J-MO!!!!!!!!!! Glad to have you back, I hear you are not alone in having posting problems.
First of all, your BF is da bomb! It shows real love when someone goes out of their way to make their significant other’s dream come true. Congrats, that must have been an amazing moment for you. And I will never stop hoping and fighting for the right for everyone to be able to enjoy married life. Or have sucky married life. That should be everyone’s right.
As someone who mourns the death of vaudville, I LOVED the Jodie’s Foster comment. Really gave me the giggles.
I’m on team Moonie and/or Obie Wan Waxman. I love Rick and his craziness, and the zen of Jonathan.
More J-mo translations, yay! I am not a huge fan of Susar, but no longer think he’s the biggest dick on the show. That honor of course goes to LaM. I did get annoyed when Susar said he had to “kick it up a few nachos”. I just don’t get the people who think they don’t need to bring their A game from the start.
Big hugs J-Mo, and thanks for sharing your awesome gift with us all. Your BF is the best and deserves the love!! xoxoxoxox
Oh yeah and that dress was not appropriate!
Ahhhh, mo’ site changes, mo’ problemzz! But I’m back up and running AGAIN (seriously, you guys have no idea how hard Flipit is working with all the crap this changeover has caused).
Allycatt… Girl, I’m SO glad it wasn’t just me thinking “Boobage At Your Wedding = Putting Someone’s Eyes Out With Them Thangs”, I appreciate the validation, LOL. And red velvet Tuna Cake??? BRILLIANT!!! Thanks for the love! xoxo
PottyMouth… Thanks sugarpie, I’ll pass it along to the BF, and YES, I DID get your email with the fabulous news that Eric Ripert is replacing Tiny Tewwible Toby on regular Top Chef!!! I’ll miss being able to make fun of the Teeny One, but there are going to be plenty of other dicks to talk shit about, we don’t need a cranky judge that needs a phonebook to sit on. Thanks for the love! xoxo
kizarny… OMG, Susur’s GF’s name is Brenda BENT??!??! That. Is. Too. Fucking. Perfect. Thanks for the love! xoxo
shantigal… and did you know that “Can’t Stop The Music” was directed by none other than Nancy Walker? Yes, the Bounty Quicker-Picker-Upper Lady (and Rhoda’s Mom) was responsible for committing all those hunky virile young men in the gymnasium at the Y.M.C.A. to film! Shocking. And thanks for the well-wishes, I think I will marry him somehow someway, LOL! Thanks for the love! xoxo
vallegirl… All I gots to say is: WORD! Thanks for the love! xoxo
njgasmifan… GIRL, you have no idea of the problems I have had just getting logged IN, but all is well now. Thanks for the kudos to the BF, yes, truthfully, I will never be the same after having met Patti, I was damn near speechless, but at the same time I was so touched that she was so nice, and now I have her signature (and she wrote “Love, Patti” on EVERYTHING) so I can always look at that and remember that a living legend like her was once standing right next to me. Also THANK YOU for enjoying the “Jody’s Foster”, that came into my head at the 11th hour and I couldn’t resist putting it in! Thanks for the love! xoxo
You guys are the best! Now I’m going to go over and catch up on the commentary on RHONYC, LOL!
love, J-Mo
I would just like to take a moment to thank everyone for their kind comments regarding my having been lucky enough to get the meet-and-greet with Miss Patti for us. Ironically, we only found out about the concert a few days beforehand, but I made a request of a person who can sometimes arrange these things and for 48 hours had to keep my mouth shut while I waited to see if it would work out or not.
I didn’t dare tell J-Mo until I knew for sure, because if it hadn’t worked out he would have been soooooo disappointed. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, but never had the connection until recently.
It brought me an enormous amount of joy to help J-Mo realize one of his life’s dreams. That’s something that rarely happens in this life and I am thrilled that we were fortunate enough that someone was able to make it happen for him.
I truly do wish that J-Mo and I could get legally married – hopefully soon! After all, I would LOVE to make an honest man of him!!
the BF