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Friday, February 25, 2011
12:31 am
73 Comments
Tagged: bravo, padma lakshmi, paula dean, recap, top chef, TV, tvgasm
OMG remember last week’s Top Chef? Angelo was sent twitching back to his consulting business after taking Sexist Pigshit Mike’s advice to oversalt his food. BOOOOOOOO. I hope he at least got to take some homophobic t-shirt sheets from Target home with him. Poor Angie! He did cry, though, and I love nothing more on my TV than a crying man. It’s like seeing a kid tip over on their bike. Always. Funny.
We open in the stew room, where the remaining chefs are completely shocked at Angie’s ouster. BlazeHawk does his best to make the embarrassed Tiffany feel better. “Definitely thought it would be you, right?” LOL. As usual, spreading sunshine wherever he goes. Who can turn the world on with her smile, Blaze?
Tiffany from Beaumont, Texas doesn’t get defensive and admits that it should have been her. I generally like Tiffany from Beaumont, Texas, but she grates sometimes. I feel like her nose is always shouting at me and it makes me uncomfortable.
Shhhhhhh nose shhhhhh
Not only did Angie have to leave crying and shaking, he had to walk out onto the streets of New York dressed like this:
And…beat up.
Dale shows no emotion, cuz he’s super cool like that. He leans back in his gangsta pose and reminds us that at some point all but one have to go so what’s the big deal? He’s pretty confident after winning two challenges in a row. I hope for his sake that every challenge from here on out involves poor people food or he’s out. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’d take a man who feeds me chewed up pretzels and rolos over a guy who serves me duck liver any day. “I crushed an episode!” Fingers crossed for a Dorito’s and French Fries challenge this epi, Dung the Too! If it’s real food that’s not Chinese, you’re FUCKED.
Blaze? Prepares, you guys. Like, HARD. He’s filled two notebooks with his evil plans and he just keeps writing.
Freeze something. Spit foam on something. Freeze spit foam. Foam spit freeze. Freeze foamspitfreezefoamicemakefuckedupsadstretchyfacesfreezefacefoamspit
His plans even have pictures. Arrows pointing to diamonds.
Sounds like a solid plan to me. Win Top Chef and find a stash of diamonds! He’s like a pirate chef.
Frozen Spitfoam Aaaargh, m’kay?
Blaze and Sexist Pigshit start off the epi as best friends.
OMG I love your hair.
No YOOOOUrs!!
I know, right? What do you use?
You first!
Little pomade, little mousse, little Aqua Net.
Aqua Net? Not very good for the enviro.
Um….neither is spraying food with liquid nitrogen dude.
Oh. Ok then I relent. I use horse conditioner.
Crazy. That’s it?
Horse conditioner……….
and liquid nitrogen.
I KNEW IT!
Tiffany comes in like she just got a makeover montage in an 80′s movie. The boys tease her about getting all dolled up, but she argues that girls who put on a little makeup and generally try to make themselves feel pretty have less of a chance of accidentally making tortilla soup and calling it chicken and dumplings. They have to hand her that one. If at first you don’t succeed, put on a little eyeliner and some lip gloss.
Today’s Quickfire Guest Judge is that sexpot Meemaw on TV who creams her pants over crushed up corn flakes with mayonaisse, butter, and a jar of Jiffy.
I.
LOVE.
Pawalah DEAN. LOVE HER.
Sexist PigShit sees Pawalah and immediately says the rudest thing he can possibly think of: “My mom loves you!” No woman wants to hear that. No matter their intended audience. She lets it pass, as she probably hears that a lot, and just laughs and laughs and laughs that crazy ass Pawalah Dean Laugh.
Haeyeh I’ve seen y’awll on the tee vayee too! Only thang that could make y’all tastier lookin is a little bacon grease y’aw. I’m gonna slather y’aw eein bayuhcun grease and eatcha ryeeuht uuuuup! HAHA! HAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Unfortunately for Pawaluh, Beaker Carla isn’t gonna be undone in the crazy face department.
Congratulations, Pawulah, Beaker hasn’t reacted this positively to someone since Elmo was on the show. Last week. Beaker probably makes this face every time the light turns to “walk”.
Antonia knows she’s about to get hit with a butter, mayo and frying oil challenge and she’s up for it. She considers calling whatever she makes Italian and putting fennel in it just to piss people off. Everyone’s excited to see Pawalah, and she’s still cackling crazily. The most excited for a Pawalah challenge is Blaze.
Padma can’t stop staring at Pawalah’s wig pieces.
Y’all maught be ayble ta tayell fromer ayackscent that Pawalah likes her Southuhn cookin’. Heart attacks, high blood pressure and strokes are what Southuhn people give eachothuh ta show love! Sounds good to me. Cheaper than jewelry.
The challenge is to create an amazing piece of fried food in a deep fryer. Pawalah’s fried up macaroni and cheese, lasagna, babies, balls of butter, belly button lint, bottle caps…let your imagination run freeeee! Tiff rejoices. She’s like “girl I’ll fry up Beaumont, Texas if you want me to. That’s where I’m from. It’s tiny. Beaumont.”
OMG putting on makeup totally worked! It’s a fry challenge!
Pawalah warns them not to serve her some lame ass fried calamari on a salad. Love. HER. Antonia didn’t hear the word SALAD, so she’s making a fried shrimp salad. The fact that the lettuce has been drenched in carbs and fat might actually please P. Antonia can call the dish “Fuck you, salad.” It’d get my vote.
DaleDung says that he works in a Chinese restaurant so he can’t even begin to understand why someone would fry salty crappy doughy food and serve it to people. In other words, Dung’s Chinese restaurant doesn’t have a poopoo platter. The city should shut that place down, cuz that’s just CRIMINAL.
Pigshit has a recipe that requires whisking guiltily like he’s jerking off behind a school.
Hey you. You’re pretty. But your food needs more salt. Hehehe yeah more salt. More. Yeah. Stay right there. I…oh….wait for it….ahhhhhh
He’s gonna fry the part where the thigh attaches to the body. It’s called “the oyster.” They should change that. If you offered me chicken oysters I would think you’re serving me nutz. The idea came from this idea he got in this book he saw this morning that Richard had…might have seen a picture of it that Blaze drew in this random book (his?) and it’s just stuck in his head. Inspiration comes from lots of places. Nature. Life. Other peoples’ journals of diagrammed ideas. I get that Blaze “helps” the others, but isn’t handing over a DIAGRAM a little over the top?
Blaze going to fry mayo. With a little coffee and lime. He’s gonna mix this and then drop it into…wait for it….
LIQUID NITROGEN!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Beaker knows she can’t lose a southern challenge, but Ronda and Juanita won’t stop asking for fish sticks. Spirit guides can be like fucking five year olds sometimes. Beaker does as they ask, but the sticks are bland and gross, so she tries to figure out something else with eight minutes to go. Thankfully, she has some quiet to think cuz now Ronda and Juanita are busy having a fish stick fight.
Tiff doesn’t have a lot of fried food in her restaurant, but she has a lot of it on her ass so she totally knows how to make it. She’s frying up wings and pickles cuz that’s what they’d have at any restaurant that serves fried food. How creative! I hope you brought your eyeliner.
Pigshit disses Blaze and Dung for going too crazy with multiple ingredients and insists that less is more. You can’t do less than using someone else’s diagram, so point well taken. You win. You do the least. Cheers!
Antonia zoned out and only made one plate for the judges. What the hell is wrong with her mopey disconnected ass today? I can’t taste her dish, but it looks like a little french guy in a neck brace, so I can’t help but think it’s amazing.
Pawalah looooouhveuhs frahd avacahdow! P is hard to read. If a Southern woman is smiling and cooing at you, BE AFRAID. It’s a whole language you have to learn to decode. “You worked so hard today you tired little sweet pea!” means “You’re late for dinner again, you look like shit, and you’re fat.”
Dung made oysters wrapped in steak, then made a burrito thing out of egg yolks, which he calls an omelette. It looks like a foot.
Blaze has made fried bacon and fried mayo. Pawalah can’t concentrate on the chemicals he’s listing because she can’t stop staring at his hair. She cackles and says it looks like hers does when she forgets to turn the toaster off before she licks it clean.
Ouch. Safety first! I use duck fat and liquid nitrogen. Why are you laughing? Please stop laughing you’re scaring me. Why are you frying up bacon?
Blaze has to be deep and thoughtful, so he’s formed his food into a snowman that got his head and arms chopped off. If it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable then you can’t really taste the layers.
Poor Antonia just seems so over it, doesn’t she? I feel bad for her cuz she doesn’t look happy.
Just to bring the point home, the editors throw in a shot of her eating between every critique.
How do those feelings taste?
Tiff has the attention of a woman who knows how to work a gimmick, so she smiles big and tells Pawalah she’s from…I forget where….God I wish she’d say it once in awhile…OH YEAH! Beaumont , Texas!! She really needs to stop saying that cuz it’s not doing her any favors. It’s like when someone brags that they used to be homeless. It’s impressive that they’ve risen above that, of course, but you’re always checking to make you leave your keys in your pocket so they can’t steal them.
Pawalah seems to love it, or hate it. Who knows? Southern. Tiff added a little slaw to as a side to her chicken wings. Otherwise known as a salad. People, she specifically listed salad in her NO words! I know what it’s like to say no to salads and keep being served them anyway. It hurts my feelings. Wait. Sorry, that was personal.
Deep breath.
I HATE SALAD.
OK.
Tiff and Pawalah share a huge fake Southuhn cackle with each other, which seems to worry Dung.
If only they fried things in Chinese restaurants! ARGH!
Beaker fried some hushpuppies to serve alongside fried catfish. Meh. Not too far out there but it’s hard to get too detailed when you’ve got spirit guides sticking fishsticks in each other’s eyes while you’re trying to work.
Pawalah doesn’t even groan after tasting them, and Beaker knows they were too heavy. Sad horns. Pigshit’s turn! When Pawalah refuses to eat chicken nuts on national TV to avoid and all out orgasm, Pigshit explains what the oyster of a chicken is. “I spoofed it by puttin it in an oystuh shell.” LOL spoofed it. He knew enough to steal a big idea, but not enough to actually describe it without sounding like the bafoon he is.
In his earlier interview, he said that he had talked this over with Blaze this morning, but when Blaze sees that he’s been blatantly ripped off, he turns to the camera and tells us that that right there is plagiarism. Oooooh! Juicy! He wants Pigshit to look at him one time and acknowledge him, but Sexist Pig is too busy trying to look down Pawalah’s shirt.
I got your oyster gravy right here, slut.
Blaze is peeissed! He’s got his “someone just ripped me off again” face.
Well, at least I look seventeen.
Right?
RIGHT?
Pawalah compliments his creativity and he laughs plaque breath onto her and steals the watch right off her wrist. That guy’s really, really good. AT STEALING. When P walks off, Blaze catches Pigshit’s eye across the room and gives him a disapproving sad face. Pigshit winks and smiles and tells us that he’s seen it done before. Case closed! Stealing is ok, cuz it’s precedented. Got it. I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go steal a bottle of Windex to clean the fugslime this useless cheating janky grilled bitch just left all over my TV.
Pawalah loves awall of theyuhm and would be proud to have any of em in her keeitchen! That’s quite a benchmark. She didn’t like Dung2′s food, and calls Beaker’s hush puppies fried spit balls. OUCH. Beaker totally gets it cuz she’s from the South, too! OK shhhhh. Not helping. The only thing worse than making terrible southern food is a being a southerner and fucking up southern food. Say you’re from Cleveland or some shit.
Antonia is already crying when Pawala tells her she had the hands down best dish. Whah did’n ya follow the rooelzz? Anotonia answers with salties, and if there was food on that table she’d be scarfing it right now. Her one chance to win money and she blew it. This girl needs a hug. Or a prescription for something. Sad horns.
Antonia is the winner but since she blew it, Blaze’s fried mayo was outtatheeiswoooorld! Pigshit is also in the top, which thrills Blaze.
PIGSHIT WINS!! LOLOLOLLLLL! Wow. His family is probably sitting around the TV right now looking at each other like “do we cheer or change our phone number?” What. An. Assface. Beaker tries to hug Antonia but she says “GET OFF ME!” HAHA. Chefs are heathens.
Pigshit laughs and smiles at the camera like he just went peepee in the toilet all by himself. Half the people watching this just prayed and called their dentist.
Please. Don’t smile.
He chuckles that he didn’t steal the dish just cuz he saw a little drawing, but I’d bet you cash that he’s gonna go looking for Blaze’s hidden diamonds the second he’s off this show. CROOK! It couldn’t have been Blaze’s dish, cuz Pigshit’s the one who just won 5Gs! Wooohoooo! I just ripped off a dish on national TV a week after tricking a twitchy beat poet to oversalt his food! When I’m done with this show EVERYONE’S GONNA WANNA HIRE MEEEEEEEE!
But wait! There’s more! Not only is Pawala here! There’s also the face of New Orleans cooking! Drumrolll…….Wait. John Tesh is now the face of New Orleans cooking? And I was impressed when that dude learned how to play the piano. Look at you, Mr. Overachiever! Hey. Wait. That’s not John Tesh. Scar needs to learn how to annunciate. I’m really mad now.
s
I’m sorry for hating you but you’re not John Tesh. And PS, we ALL own August.
Besh says he grew up hunting and fishing in the swamps, but since the oil spill everything is in danger. Yay! Cook shit covered in oil spill. YUMMMM. Waste not want not. Just when you thought it couldn’t get poorer than Target. Next week, they’ll be roasting homeless people.
There will be a fundraiser for an oil slick foundation or something. I’m sorry but when people start talking about charity I kinda zone. Unless it’s Sweet Charity. God that’s so gayross. Too lazy to delete. Giving things…poor animalszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Scar looks super comfortable right now, doesn’t she?
Pigshit is super excited about this challenge cuz he loves giving back. HA! He actually said that. I’m sure Blaze will be glad to hear it. Hope you brought a check for five grand! Since the general theme of charity work is pain, they will get the help of eliminated contestants that hate them and wish they were dead.
Glad you’ve taken this time to not take a shower, Spike.
Antonia’s not happy because when chefs get eliminated they get bitter and start sending her death threats and accusing her of making French food.
Blaze says picking the right chef is super important and he’s made a chart of pros and cons. Angelo’s Pros: He wears tight jeans and no undies. Cons: He’s still wandering around mindlessly whispering to himself and shifting his eyes after getting beat. He’s a loose cannon. But those tight jeans…
The losers are holding fish, so the Not Losers Yet have to pick who they want and take whatever their protein is, too. Pigshit chooses first and takes BitchTiffany’s boobs.
Yeah I need some protein, skank.
Pigshit lets Blaze go next cuz “he was a big inspiration in the dish I made today!” HAHAHAHAH. Aw. How many pickpockets write thank you cards? You’re truly one of a kind, you donkey faced ole champ! Blaze takes Flabio and snapper, because Flab’s charming. It’s also a Pawalah challenge, and that bitch likes her grease. Smart move.
Beaker takes Tre and grouper. Tiff hates Marcel, but he’s got shrimp. She chooses the white shrimp. Pause. LOLOLOLOLOLLLLL. Everyone laughs and the monkey paces around giggling nervously and smelling his armpits. Because she is being forced to be more specific, she address the monkey by his name. White Shrimp knows that something’s funny, but can’t pinpoint what it is.
This is crazy. We don’t have monkeys in Beaumont, Texas, where I’m from BTW
Antonia: “I’ll take Spike and his crabs.” HAHAHA! We’ll see how funny that is tonight when you’re filling a bathtub with punctured Off cans. Poorangello is picked last by Dung. He must feel awesome right now.
They get 15 minutes to plan, and Antonia and Spike are gonna make crab cakes with sausage in them. Antonia says they have a really beautiful hateful relationship, which is the best kind in a kitchen. Pigshit just stares at Tiff’s rack until she clears her throat and suggests “cover the shrimp with grits?”
Awesome idea! Could you make a diagram?
Dung has no idea what he’s doing. Again. But he’s not a baker either and he won a cookie challenge! With something not baked. So you’re gonna make New Orleans food without cooking anything? Your logic confuses me. Besides, that is so last week. Get over yourself. Pawalah just pooped on your last dish. Angelo advises Dung to just not have a semi nervous breakdown like he did. Slyly, Angelo leans in and coos that Dung is getting under Blaze’s quills. Dung nods in terrified insecure agreement.
Uh huh. Please don’t hurt me.
Blaze hasn’t ever diagramed a southern dish before, but he figures snapper and grits should do the trick. Flabio doesn’t hear the word gnocchi so he’s not happy.
You musha upa da potato! Eets breeleeand mama mia cacciatore!
Blaze stresses that he’s confident even though he’s never made this before, cuz he comes up with new stuff all the time and doesn’t STEAL. Dude, we get it. We’re on your side. Make Pigshit pay! But don’t pout. It’s unbecoming. Tiffany is from the South. YOU ARE?!!? OMG what part?! Dallas? Houston? San Antonio? BE MORE SPECIFIC!
She loves southern food, grew up on southern food, lives for southern food, and is from the south. And…please pack your knives and go. The monkey wants to whisper and strategize with her, but she’s not having it. She doesn’t flick him on the forehead though, so even though she’s being rude she’s showing some restraint.
Tre doesn’t know anything about Southern food, and Beaker says he should turn in his NAACP card. LOL. Well, there’s always Ronda and Juanita to help. They may be blind now, but they still have their taste buds.
They have to shop at some kind of Costco place. Flabio and Blaze are getting along famously. Flab tells Blaze that he reminds him of his ex-wife. Ew on the romance, dude. Why are ugly couples so attracted to Costco? You know you’ve wondered too.
Then they go to Whole Foods, which I just don’t get. That’s not the place to go when you’re on a budget. I got a lime and some cilantro there and it was eight bucks. Assholes! And since when did growing shit not covered in poison start carrying a premium? It was still grown in poop. I want my money back! Beaker tells Tre that she’s in troubs if she doesn’t pull this one off. She says that every week, and let’s face it, she pulls less off than not. I have my fingers crossed for her today. I just hope they aren’t expected to pick out tablecloths or she’s screwed.
Tiffany points out Jersey Fresh Tomatoes and White Shrimp rolls his eyes. “Probably involves fist bumping.” HA. He talks big for a little monkey. I wouldn’t mess with Jersey if I was Marcel. He gets enough bottles thrown at his head in public as it is. I wish I knew him so I could just tell him that people would like him more if he’d just shhhhhhhhhhh.
That night, Blaze won’t speak to Pigshit at the apartment, and it’s hilarious. Pigshit is pissed off. “If ya gonna be a winnah be a winnah if you gonna be a looza go sit in da cohanah!”
But while youah in da cohanah cood ja leave that notebook thingy heah?
Antonia tells the other girls about the robbery and they’re shocked. SHOCKED I tell you. Beaker looks like she’s meeting Elmo. Or Pawalah Dean. Or Jimmy Fallon. Or a bus driver. Or a cleaning lady.
Beaker explains that there is man’s law, and chef’s law. Chef’s law says you don’t steal. Hey, that’s man’s law too. Unfortunately.
What? It’s not like it was a recipe. Set her free!
Sorry, but we already have Applebees. Next!
Dung is mad that he has worked so hard coming up with poor people food the past couple of weeks to get rid of all these fools and now they’re back to torture him. “Like bed bugs.” Editors cut to Spike.
HAHAHAHAH
Beaker is making collard greens, but won’t let Tre touch them cuz he uses collard greens in a can at home. LOL. Pigshit is heckling people in the kitchen like he’s at the HaHa. He’s very very proud of winning the last challenge, so he figures he’ll just stick with what he knows. Nothing. BitchTiff makes all his food while he shouts “GET OFF THE STAGE GAY BAIT!” at Blaze.
White shrimp is obsessed with putting shrimp heads in Tiffany’s dish, and she does her best to not lose it and use monkey brains. Dung says that he’s kinda excited to see a ten foot tall sassy black chick from Texas beat the monkey down. HA. Oh and I wanted to say, I have been enjoying the comments debate about whether or not Texas is considered part of the south. The answer is no. We are part of Mexico now. Everyone knows that. And it’s fine by me. You go to a wedding in Texas and you get enchiladas, a pinata, beer, and a donkey to ride. In the South? You get grits, mosquitos and attitude. Fuck that. Mexas is proud to have our own culture, umkay? Disagree with me and I will shoot you.
Thirty minutes til service! The chefs arrive at the charityawn event and it’s super hard to walk cuz everything’s covered in oil. That’s a very dangerous theme. Beaker’s corn bread is a soggy mess so she doesn’t use it and waves goodbye to redemption. I don’t think redemption’s bags were packed for a long stay, poor thing. Two failed southern dishes in a row? Oh, Beaker. I have to pause for a second and remember all the good times.
Real people alert!
This is how real people’s noses move. How gross is that?
The judges arrive, and DaddyTom tries not to fall asleep as Besh babbles on about oil spills.
I have no idea what Mary Hart is really like. Why do you ask?
They start with Pigshit. As they walk away from his table, Scar doesn’t even notice that her bracelet is missing.
Pawalah groans when she tastes it, and Tesh calls it wonderful. Daddy Tom thinks it’s too clean. More oil! Flabio doesn’t have the judges’ food ready, which leads to a leedle argument with Blaze. Be careful BlazeHawk. Flabio’ll write a misspelled doucherant about you over at Bravo. u eestoopeed
Tesh wasn’t sure about the pork and snapper together, but it works. And it doesn’t even have spit on it. Go fig! Dung freaks out over his soup and takes it off the line. Angello insists that the flavors are fine, but he sent out the Dead Sea last week and he talks to himself so Dung’s not gonna listen to him. Chew some pretzels and rolos, spit them up on a plate and be done with it. Pawalah will wet herself.
Horror music plays over at Tiffany’s table. She’s from Beaumont, Texas and she didn’t make enough honey glaze. She sent the monkey off to make some more, but she didn’t get a chance to taste it and suspects his version might have more chemicals than a diet coke. Thankfully, she’s from Beaumont Texas so things should be ok. Beaumont.
Beaker tells her real people that she’s from the south and everyone’s expecting her to blow this out of the park. She doesn’t specify who everyone is, but I’m just hoping she gets something on the plate. If she spent as much time learning to make corn bread as she did working on her hootie hooing she might have a shot. I don’t mean to hate on Beak. I love her. But you hope when someone falls they will get right back up again. When someone just keeps falling over and over, it’s hard to resist pushing them down. It’s why I can never be a physical therapist. I’d kick crutches out from under arms and scream “Stop being a pussy! You can’t handle the truth! GET UUUUP!!!”
Pawalah says she’s gonna be a beeyatch nah abowt mah collard greenznah, I’m sooowreh.
What is this bitch saying?
Too much hot sauce, too much salt. Beaker just hopes that someone bones it harder than she did. Again.
After Pawalah screams “reep it’s head off y’all!”, she decides that she no likey the shrimp. Too sweet. John Tesh doesn’t like the honey glaze. No one mentions that Tiff is from Beaumont Texas, which could be a problem. She did leave the heads on, as monkey requested, and the honey glaze he made is universally hated. Maybe he’ll get kicked off again. Anything to inspire a new rap. I’m begging. Dung is a nervous wreck, and Daddy Tom hates fear. Dung worries that the potatoes are undercooked, and they are.
Scar gets some raw potato and you’d think she just saw a dude her own age naked.
EW. Where’s the back hair and the ballz down to the knees? YOU’RE DISGUSTING.
Pawalah doesn’t hate the stew, but there’s way too much mustard and the judges generally detest it.
Antonia’s pretty confident she’s gonna take this one. I’m just glad to see her not looking like she’s about to cut herself at least one time this episode.
Someone hit her on the back so her face will stay like that.
Looks like she might be right, cuz it’s the only dish that all the judges loved. Pigshit tells us that he’s gonna win cuz it’s his time to shine! Well steal a light and turn it on, cuz that’s the only way that’s gonna happen.
Stew room! Beaker and Tiffany from Beaumont whine that they boned the southern challenge. No one comforts them, cuz it’s pretty lame. Blaze, Antonia and Pigshit are on top! Tesh loved Blaze, and Pawalah cackles and squirts her pants over the food BitchTiff made for Pigshit.
Wait til you see what these gums can do on your girl parts, slut.
Blaze wins!! Aw I thought it would be Antonia. Pigshit is sad. If only BitchTiffany had stolen that diagram book. The prize is a trip to Barbados, and Blaze is gonna take Flabio along with his family. Great now his wife is gonna have to compete with another set of boobs on a romantic vacay. Figures greasy ass Flabio would win an oil slick challenge. Back in the stew room, Antonia begs Pigshit to not burp or fart on her. Wish denied. BUUUURPFAAART. No. Words.
Scar accusingly points out that Tiffany chose monkey. She denies it and says that she picked the shrimp. Daddy laughs like “what’s the diff?” No respect for White Shrimp. Tiff says that she didn’t cook the shrimp, which is insane. The whole damn dish was shrimp, woman! So you didn’t do the shrimp or the honey sauce? Someone better ask her wtf she actually did do. The judges hated it and Pawalah says one of her favorite things to do is rip off heads and suck them dry and Tiff made it less fun. Dung stutters about his dish being under seasoned and Daddy Tom gives him shit for trying to mustard gas everyone. Tesh calls it flavor warfare. That’s witty, Tesh. Now ask WHAT TIFFANY DID.
Beaker says that she knows everyone thought she was gonna do an amazing job. No one agrees. Daddy Tom didn’t get it, and Pawala says nouhn of eeit mayde enny seyense. Back in the stew room, Blaze is gossiping while Pigshit burps. White Shrimp told him that Tiff refused to use any of his ideas, which were all better than hers. LOL monkey. A. you got kicked off weeks ago and B. you fucked up her entire dish with your shitty shrimp handling. Incompetence loves company, so Pigshit laughs that of course monkey had better ideas than Tiffany. Uncool. You know she’s from Beaumont, right?
Tiff comes back and laughs that the judging was sweet. She says she told Marcel how to make her honey sauce but he didn’t dilute it with water. She’s not about to sit up there and blame him for it though. Um, why? You know you’re on TV, right? You’re supposed to blame it on him. And how come no one tattled on the Great Diagram Thief to the judges? This is their second go round. You’d think they’d have learned to be a little more immature by now. Boooooooooo.
In alone time, Pawalah disses Dung’s potatoes and Daddy Tom says his dish was like a hot dog. HA. Beaker messed up her fish and Tiff’s shrimp made Pawalah’s mouth mayad. Tom tells the bottoms off for disrespecting the oil slicked fish, and then….Dung’s OUT!!! OH MAN!! I can’t believe it! He had a chance at another white trash poor people food win and he blew it!! Super disappointing, but he does my favorite reality show thing ever.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Mayo and M&M’s wouldn’t have killed you, dude. Dung’s done a pretty respectable job this season, and it’s kinda sad to see him go. But if he hadn’t gone then this wouldn’t still be happening right now.
LOLOLOLLLLLL
Tiffany and Beaker are touched by an angel. They’ve boned so many challenges and here they are. Contrary to popular belief, Beaumont, Texas is a magical place.
Dung says that the first time he was here he didn’t like himself very much and that’s why he was mean. Hopefully people have seen that he’s changed. AW! I see it! But you should have been cut the second you said you worked at a Chinese place without a poopoo platter. I kid, but I get a little teary eyed watching him talk about being a better person. He feels like Superman did when Superman got cut for…oh wait. I don’t know why he feels like Superman. But he does. I don’t really know how to end this, so how bout we all watch Pawalah’s pants fall off?
Thanks so much for being here. I apologize that I am not J-Mo, but he is in LA this weekend to drink with me and make fun of the Oscars. He’ll be back next week! LOVE! And happy birthday J-Mo!!
TV Social
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73 Comments
did the kid on the bike look asian before the video was taken? certainly didn’t look like he had any real teeth left to lose. anyhow i told you kids to get offa’ my lawn and i mean NOW. OMG, that wasn’t angry baby dale…NOT DALE. i’m as product-loyal to TC as any fan out there; my soup’s have a broth made from DAWN dishwashing liquid; my pots are rinsed in SWANSON’s chicken stock. not angelo and dale. what are sexP and beaumont still doing on this show? i’m losing faith in this show and might soon start makin’ my soup with a DIFFERENT brand of dishwashing liquid.
blazehawk=cap’n jack sparrow. “frozen spit-foam aaaarugh!”
“i use duck fat and liquid nitrogen. why are you laughing? please stop laughing you’re scaring me”.
ah, kitty porn. i prefer szechuan but if you know a mandarin place does a good moo goo gai kat, i’m all in for that.
“pigshit laughs and smiles at the camera like he just went peepee in the toilet all by himself”.
“next week, they’ll be roasting homeless people”
i want my money back
don’t shoot me, i still say where she’s from (damn, tallulah where’d that big girl say she’s from?) is SOUTH.
Well, at least that one sympathetic moment from last week didn’t last long. I really just don’t know where Pigshit gets off. He basically did zero conceptualizing this week. He got “inspired” by Blaze (it’s not stealing if you win!) and Bitchani basically did his elimination dish for him. Ugh, Paula was even sure to mention that he only won the Quickfire on a technicality. Not to mention that fact that I am about to vomit from all of his toothy grins. That man needs a muzzle for more than one reason. For God’s sake, he needs to go.
AGH, I am so upset for Antonia. She is such a strong competitor, but she keeps falling shy of winning. If only she’d made two dishes. She could’ve spared us Pigshit’s psycho clown face. I really, really hope she wins something soon, because she definitely deserves some money for her troubles.
Oh, Carla. This was just a bad week overall. I really hope she bounces back, since she was always my fave. I fear that two weeks in the bottom might be the start of a terrible slump, and that would just be awful. Right now, I already have to root for Tiff just in hopes that neither Blaze nor Pigshit gets a spot in the final.
Did anyone else think Paula looked different in this episode? I don’t know what it is. Even in the promos, I probably wouldn’t have recognized her if not for her hair. Maybe she’s just not as airbrushed? Anyways, she seems like such a sweetheart, so it was just painful to hear her chew out Carla, who does EXACTLY the type of food she’d like.
Blaze=bert from sesame street. It creeps me out how his upper face never moves, its like his lower jaw just snaps up and down. Very similar to how Krazy Kelly Bensimon talks.
I don’t really have much to say about this episode. Surprising actually as I am from THE SOUTH! So, I guess I’ll just say two things:
1. My mother in law loves Paula and drives up to Savannah to eat at her restaurant a lot.
2. Thank for a great recap, J-Mo! You always make my week. xoxo
Hey Flipit! Great job filling in for J-Mo,which is a tough gig. I disagree with you on one thing. You said, “Tiffany and Beaker are touched by an angel. They’ve boned so many challenges and here they are.” I agree with you on Tiffany, but not Queen Hootie Hoo. Her Magesty of the Kingdom of Kookiness and Love (TM) has been in the bottom a few times, especially these last two, but if I am not mistaken, she has also one more individual elimination challenges than anyone left in the competition. That has to count for something. I wouldn’t be surprised if she Hootie Hoos her way all the way to victory . . . but it all depends on whether Juanita and Rhonda can keep her focused.
That should be “WON more elimination challenges.” Ooops. Oh, and according to Wikipedia, she is tied with Blaze for most elimination wins, but one of his is for restaurant wars, so I don’t think it counts quite as much as it was a team, rather than individual. The thing is when Carla is on, she’s on. Also, would you rather have food cooked with love, or liquid nitrogen? Yeah, that’s what I thought too . . .
At this point though,I’d like to see Sexist Racist Homophobic Pigshit go. That is the goal.
Oh, I just looked again, and Blaze’s first elimination win was actually shared with White Shrimp and Angelo (sigh – already miss you, MerMan!) so that lends more to the theory that based on pure individual wins, Carla is the strongest chef left in the comepetition.
Sorry for the multiple posts. Not feeling well . . .
That’ “y’all” montage in the middle of the Paula Deen video sounded just like my cat after a particularly successful and satisfying visit to her litter box.
And while I loved The Muppet Show growing up, every time I watch a clip now I can’t help but wonder just how high Jim Henson and his puppeteers were when they created that show. Sober people don’t create that much jacked up awesomeness.
Finally, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, J-MO!
I’m of two minds: it’s fucked up that Pigshit stole the dish concept from Blaze, but he still had to execute the dish. If anything, blame dumbass Antonia for not plating twice and this little brouhaha (love that word) would have been rendered moot.
BTW, is it just me, or does Antonia remind me of a more talented version of Mandy (was that her name?), that chick from SSS who brought cooking sherry for the school lunch challenge?
I haven’t watched Top Chef in a few seasons, but I remember the Blaze guy and he reminds me of one of the contestants from Shear Genius.
If a Southern woman calls you “Sweetie” start running.
Happy birthday, J-Mo.
Flipit, this is one of the funniest recaps I’ve read. Ever. Lots of good stuff in there.
I’m still crying salty tears of bitterness about losing Angelo last week. I guess I’d like to see Antonia win. I’ve always liked stoner chicks.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!?????!!!! How are these the chefs that are almost to the final four or three. You know how Top Chef likes to mix it up and, generally, there is a final four. Carla and LoSoFat totally deserving to have made it this far and m sort of okay with BlazeHawk being there although it seems that week after week he keeps going down in a blaze of nitrogen. He is one note and he has a few hits, but so far he is just middle of the road. How in he’ll did Sexist Dipshit and the girl can’t cook, Tiffany, beaten out both Dale, Angelo and few other way more talented chefs? Tiffany made it this far during her season, bt a) she was cooking better then and b) most of the chefs on her season sucked ass or cock in hell. Yes, one of the chefs on her season was
Father Karras. And before we all forget, Pigshit, was beat by eighties hooker and it doesn’t seem that his skill, techniques, or flavor profile has changed all that much since then. Some how he and Richard keep skating by and I am now firmly in camp conspiracy theory and believe one of them will make until the end because there always has to be some dicky, douche, asshole, talentless hack in the final. What ‘s worse is sometimes that is the one who wins and I am looking at you Ilan, Hoser, and Jersey Moobs.
J-Mo – loved your recap and the pictures of things found fried in chinese restaurants was hilarious (and I am a mommy of darling tuxedo cat). Jeez o’ flip, how many shots of Isabella’s gummy braying donkey face did we have to see? The man can make your g spot do a runner. Yech!
Carla – you are killing me – please, girl, summon the power of the hootie hoo and get back in the game. And the least we could have had was a shirtless Tre moment – I don’t know how, but it could have been done.
Happy birthday, J-Mo!! You know a great place to go for your birthday? BEAUMONT, TX!!
Flipit, my apologies – I wanted to remember to wish J-Mo a happy birthday and his name got stuck in my brain. And you both are so brilliant in recapping!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!?????!!!! How are these the chefs that are almost to the final four or three. You know how Top Chef likes to mix it up and, generally, there is a final four. Carla and LoSoFat totally deserving to have made it this far and Im sort of okay with BlazeHawk being there although it seems that week after week he keeps going down in a blaze of nitrogen. He is one note and he has a few hits, but so far he is just middle of the road.
How in hell did Sexist Dipshit and the girl can’t cook, Tiffany, beat out both Dale, Angelo and few other way more talented chefs? Tiffany made it this far during her season, bt a) she was cooking better then and b) most of the chefs
on her season sucked ass or cock in hell. Yes, one of the chefs on her season was
Father Karras.
And before we all forget, Pigshit, was beat by eighties hooker and doesn’t seem that his skill, techniques, or flavor profile has changed all that much since then.
Some how he and Richard keep skating by and I am now firmly in camp conspiracy theory and believe one of them will make until the end because there always has to be some dicky, douche, asshole, talentless hack in the final. What ’s worse is sometimes that is the one who wins and I am looking at you Ilan, Hoser, and Jersey Moobs.
Sorry for the doubt post. I didn’t realize that the first one had been submitted. Me and my flailing phalanges. But now this gives me a chance because I forgot to add as post script- HAPPY BIRTHDAY J-MO. Some of my most favorite people on the earth have end of Feb./beginning of March birthdays which makes sense because you are one my most favorite humor writers. Happy Birthday, hope it is a good one and you only get the spit foam if you’re into that sort of thing.
Happy Birthday, J-Mo, and Flipit, I heart this recap!
Words cannot express my complete and utter hate for Sexist Pigshit. Loathed him in Las Vegas, and it seems he’s gotten worse. You KNOW he hits on 20-year-olds in bars and calls women over 100 pounds fat.
And now he’s a plagiarist. Awesome.
I do actually like Richard, though he can be a little cocky and I don’t get why he has to use the ol’ liquid nitrogen in every. damn. challenge. I’m hoping for Richard, Antonia and Carla in the finale.
Hootie Hoo!
Pigshit won? Well bless his little heart.
(Ugh, I meant to designate Pigshit won the quickfire, not the EC).
You know, they send college kids packing for doing what Pigshit did. Yeah. Stealing/plagarism = expulsion. His not winning the Elimination Challenge still doesn’t make me feel any better. What a buttnugget.
It seems that each week reveals another unattractive part of Pigshit’s personality. So now he is part sexist, part homophobe, part thief/plagiarist, but always all jackass. I doubt that Blaze will answer any more questions for him and he should hide his notebooks from Pigshit who is evidently out of his own ideas and concepts. Carla has me worried…wake up!!!!! I like Antonia but she frustrated herself this week and lost an easy 5 thousand. Watching Tiffany, it is hard to remember that she was fan favorite her season; she has been uninspired and has managed to squeak through by being middle or next to worst…not a great goal. And Blaze and his liquid nitrogen have worn thin, but my new slogan is ANYONE BUT PIGSHIT!!!!!!
Thanks for a great recap Flipit, and Happy Birthday J-Mo!
I don’t know if this was addressed when discussing whether Texas was part of the south, but what bothers me is that Beaumont is not really a small town. It’s small compared to the major Texas cities, but certainly not when compared to what really qualifies as a small town around here. It’s certainly no place where a little girl couldn’t even have a dream. Beaumont is big enough to have its own television stations! I’m from a town with no big chain grocery, no fast food, no movie theater. If you want any of that, you have to “go to town” about 20 miles away. It never occurred to me to use that as an excuse every time I mess something up (lightbulb!). I-10 runs right through the middle of Beaumont with Houston 2 hours to the West and New Orleans less than 3 hours to the west. That’s why she didn’t pull that BS on Besh. He knows better. I liked Tiffany last season, but she’s piling it on a little thick. Also Beaumont is right at the border of Louisiana. She should not be screwing up jambalaya. And aside from the obvious – she works in a seafood restaurant – you could probably ride a bike in Beaumont down to where the boats come in from the Gulf with fish. Surely she grew up eating Gulf seafood.
Carla can do no wrong, I don’t care what Paula says.
Haven’t even finished the first page of this recap but I gotta say my piece:
Richard, wtf are you doing claiming you always use ‘new’ dishes on Top Chef? CHOCOLATE BANANA SCALLOPS, MUCH??!! You busted out that recipie like Lindsay Lohan busts out weak excuses.
Granted, Sexist Pigshit proved himself to be at a new low this episode.
Pigshit did no wrong! At least according to both Daddy and Reeepear over at the Bravo blogs. A Pigshit win might be in the cards.
PS probably thought that since the appropriated dish did not use liquid nitrogen, Blais would never use it for himself. Besides, is it really THAT innovative to use a piece of a chicken that is sometimes referred to as an “oyster” and sit it in an oyster shell?
Man, I hope Pigshit wins!
(Since hoping he’ll lose and leave my TV every week isn’t working, I’m trying for some reverse luck)
At this point, there are two people I want in the finale, and three people I don’t. Knowing our luck, the three people who suck will be in the finale (especially since Carla can’t get out of her slump, and, though she does well, Antonia seems to always come _this close_ to winning before dropping the ball)
The sucky part is, I LIKED two of the crappy people during their seasons (Tiffany — hey, did you hear she was from Beaumont, TX? — and Blaze). Now they both suck.
crankyguy-DaddyTom may have said what Pigshit did wasn’t wrong, but he did say it was bad form. And you could tell by the way Pigshit’s voice went up an octave in the intereview that he knew he what he did. Granted, like Tom said, you still have to execute it well, but still, he’s an asshat.
I’m still thinking about fried bacon & fried mayo….swooon!
Happy B-Day J-Mo!!
“Stop being a pussy! You can’t handle the truth! GET UUUUP!!!”
Flippy, this sounds like my alarm clock–wish I could set it to a driving beat!
Loved the cap, and as you know, I’m worshipful of you and our B-day gal, J-mo!!! Kisses you two.
Have to agree on the fried ingredients montage-HA! And I’m a cat lady too!
I still like Tiff, but oh my . . . are the editors counting here . . . did she say that like 100 times . . . my Lawd!
I found myself sorry to see Dung go . . . what’s happened to me. I also find myself rooting for Ant, as well as Hootie.
I think that plageristic blight has been covered so I add nothing. NO matter how I try, I cannot picture what the hell an oyster is . . . cartilage . . . whatever–looked gross to me.
And of all the things to steal . . . .sigh . . . guess frying a snickers was out of the question.
Also, fried mayo . . . I really, truly gagged . . .
Bridget, the power of Christ compels you! That’s the second quote from one of my fave movies to quote . . . the universe is in full circle (maybe I will win the oscar pool . . . hmmm . . . )
I hate to be so shallow, but if Blaze got a haircut, I might actually like him better.
Thanks to whoever posted the Hootie modeling pics last time, that was fun!!! Some Josephine Baker going on up in there!
@juddfan I totally thought of Josephine Baker when I saw Beaker’s modeling pics!! She had quite a maleable look.
Happy Birthday J-Mo, Happy Birthday J-Mo, Happy BIRTHday Dear J-Mo,
Happy Birthday to you! Hope your kitties were good to you.
Oh, and I just don’t even want to think about what might happen if Beaker and Lofatso don’t pull their shit together and represent. Now that Angelo and Dale are -sniff- gone, I’ll have to take Blaisehawk for the third in the finale.
I immediately thought of Josephine Baker also.
And J-Mo, I forgot to wish you happy birthday!
Found pics of Carla from her modeling days (!!) <3 HER.
http://www.styleite.com/media/carla-hall-modeling-photos/?pid=4911#image
Oh crap, I can’t even read right now because I just laughed for five minutes over this:
Beaker probably makes this face every time the light turns to “walk”.
Truth=hilarious. Teary eyed over heah. Okay, I’ll dry my eyes and resume reading.
Sue, I feel your pain — our small town has two local grocery stores, but you have to drive 20 miles to see a movie, eat at a chain restaurant, etc.
And as far as the whole “what qualifies as THE SOUTH” argument goes — as a South Carolinian (you hate me already, don’t you?) whose state is recognized as being part of the Old South, New South, Deep South, AND Antebellum South, I can tell you that there are states that non-Southerners identify as being part of THE SOUTH, and then there are places that actual Southerners identify as THE SOUTH. Texas — no. D.C. — uh-uh (sorry, Carla!). Maryland — ABSOLUTELY NOT. We’re like our own exclusive club that everyone else either likes to stereotype, hate, and make fun of, or (falsely) claim to be a part of.
Great recap as always, Flipit. Here’s to hoping Mike gets sent packing SOON — I can’t believe he had the nerve to not only steal Richard’s dish, but to act like winning with plagarized material somehow made it his. What a way to suck at life, bless his little heart.
Happy Birthday, J-Mo!
@JessiMae: Amen!
@JessiMae: Where does North Florida (north of Orlando) fit into that map?
@Jessie – true! Texas IS NOT the South anymore than Oklahoma is the SW. Some try to slip that passed us who are true SW’ers, but it don’t wash.
I am from North Florida and I can attest that it is in THE SOUTH. Of course we are way north (Jacksonville). Personally, I wouldn’t include Orlando. Probably the most I would go southward would be Daytona and even that is a bit of a stretch.
@Snootchy – right you are. Florida might as well be two different states! The north is definitely The South, southern Fla is like a Calif/Carib mix.
I have relatives in North Florida and I can attest they are definitely Southern.
The proof was when they mailed back a “Save The Date” notification for another relative’s wedding. Why? Well, because the machine it ran through at the post office had streaked the picture of the happy couple right along the genital area. They thought it was a sign from the devil, so they mailed it back with a little note explaining why.
I really wish I was making this up, but I’m not.
By the way, I’m from and still live in Mississippi, so I’m not just thoughtlessly making fun of the south without some real life experience.
Just making sure because I went to high school in Miami but went to UF and the first time we went to the Waldo Farmers and Flea Market and saw boiled peanuts we kind of realized that Florida really is two states.
Vallegirl: Mmmmmm boiled peanuts.
Thiajok: That’s not southern. That’s religious zealotry and they have them all over the world! Now if they had returned it because it wasn’t deep fried or didn’t have enough mayonaise on it, that’s some southern shit right there! :p
Fellow Gasmi: been reading the comments on Tom’s blog which I haven’t done for awhile. They bitch as much as we do about the supremely flawed methodology on TC. They should call it Top Meal. One poster put it: Gee this restaurant gets it right 2% of the time, but that 2% was tops! That makes the whole restaurant great! RIGHT? RIGHT?!
I think Tom & Co just don’t want to admit they’re wrong in how they evaluate the cheftestants. All the justifying in the world can’t explain how just one season (S6) got the best in the finale and even then the prick won. As Tom himself said in S1, a Top Chef isn’t just about the cooking, it’s also about leadership and inspiring others to follow, my how far you have strayed. Fuck you Tom. I need a drink.
PS. I think that’s why they almost never rerun S1, they strayed too far from how they judge.
WTF is “could not read CAPTCHA cookie”? I typed the captcha code in correctly. Now we have to enable COOKIES to get it to work???? Shit.
OK why did that one work? I’m confused (and pissed).
sorry pix!!! you don’t have to enable cookies. if you sign in w your name and password you don’t have to mess with captcha. sorry for the annoyance!
Thanks Flipit! I totally forgot you can do that! I’ve had problems with the captcha code too and usually copy all my text before entering and posting, saved my ass a-plenty as I can just paste it back if there’s a problem.
I mean entering the captcha code after I type my post.
Dear flipit, I liked this recap way better than the actual show.Great Job. Pigshit did absoulutely nothing and is still here? I am kinda upset that I was surprised. I should know better, considering what Top Chef has turned into.
Snooty, I can’t tell ya where I live because I am the only Robin in the phonebook, but I have many family member’s in Jax. Just a hint, I am between Palatka and Keystone. Boiled peanut’s? When I was a teenager I worked at a produce stand and made the boiled peanuts. I still make them every so often when I get the green ones for 99cents a lb.
I have 2 large peanut pots and cook them outside on a propane burner. Lot’s of salt!!
TC, Robin
PS, I never get a cool captcha code.
Pixie, Always c&c your post before you enter it. That way, if captcha gives you grief, you can paste it.
TC, Robin
@Vallegirl..what I wouldn’t do for some boiled peanuts! I live in NYC and they sell green (fresh) peanuts for $3/lb…highway robbery! Plus, it’s only available during a few weeks in the summer. In South Carolina, where my relatives live and my mom has a country house, they are much cheaper at the Piggly Wiggly and I make a huge batch, loaded with salt. (My mom and some relatives are prone to high blood pressure and scoff at the saltiness. Oh well, more for me!)
I remember traveling in Bahia, Brazil, the Afro-Brazilian region, and seeing a guy on the sidewalk beside a steaming vat. I peered in and saw….boiled peanuts!!! Only a quarter for a big bag of deliciousness and available year round! Let’s just say that I never got homesick while staying there, lol.
My cousin went to Paula Deen’s restaurant in Savannah a few days ago and posted pics on facebook. I was so jealous. Sure, we have plenty of soul food restaurants here in NYC, but I want Paula’s fried everything topped off with a big bowl of banana pudding. Yum…
Omg… first boiled peanuts and now banana pudding! You guys are making me homeseick! I have really been craving banana pudding for the past couple of months. But I live in England now and southern food isn’t much of an option. But I am coming back to the US in a couple of months for a visit and I will probably just camp out in the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel until I get my fill!
Oh my, banana pudding! I really wish I had my mother’s recipe. Screw it, I bet Pawlah has a recipe for it!
BTW, I’m from Alabama and I do love some mayo but FRIED?? Gag.
If you’re a banana pudding fan, you owe it to yourself to get hold of a copy of the Southern Culture on the Skids song “Banana Puddin’”. Here’s just a taste:
“It takes a few days to develop the flavor
Soak it all with my Nilla Wafer.
So get out yer bowl and yer wooden spoon
‘Cuz I can smell your puddin’ clean across this room!”
I’m not kidding. This song can change WHO YOU FUCKING ARE.
I thought it was The Shins that could change your life. I wonder if anyone will get that movie reference. :p
Great recap Flipit! Sorry it took me so long to write something but I have been trying to scale it back a little bit on here. It was a great job and an amazing show.
I laughed when I saw the Beeker Muppet singing. LOL. My step-father in law came in when I was watching that video and screamed out, “BEEKER!” and I spat on my computer screen. I then showed him a picture of the Human Beeker herself and he goes, “BEEKER!”. LOL. As for your toddler falling on the sidewalk video, pure gold. I know I am going to be the horrible person when my son does that this summer. I will be the most evil and horrible mother in the great town I live in. HAHAHAHA.
As for the episode, I really thought Beeker was going to bite it. I really hope and pray she makes it to the finale. With the finale being the final 4, this just smells like a final twist coming. Like the last Quickfire before the actual finale cooking (you know, the one with the advantage in the actual finale), the loser gets sent home before cooking in it. HAHA. It would be sweet to see Blaze choke in that instance.
However, if I can have Beeker and LowFatSo in the finale, I am not too caring about the final one since everyone I have wanted in it has lost except Beeker. It would be nice to see Tiff but it might be worth it to have Blaze just BOMB in the finale again. HAHA. Sorry Blazey, pack your hair and go.
I felt sad with Dung 2.0 leaving. I wasn’t a huge fan of his season but he really seemed much better this time around. It was refreshing in between his stupid hats and attempts at proper English.
Great recap again as always Flipit!
I cannot believe I forgot this. HAPPY BIRTHDAY J-MO!!!!
I actually liked Dale this time around. And I feel like he was one of the most talented chefs left. Now I guess I’m just rooting for Beaker. And if Pigsh*t doesn’t go home soon I’m gonna lose it.
There’s only one more week. They’re down to five. After that, is the semi final in whatever city and the finals.
Despite how meh Tiffany’s been it would be kind of awesome for Blaise to go into the final week with 3 women.
Better her than Pigshit. That’s what we got, him or MehTiff in the F4! Way to go Bravo!
I agree that Florida may as well be two separate states. A friend and I visited her boyfriend there one time (he was in Sanford for work) and went to a mall in Orlando. While checking out at one of the stores, the salesgirl asked where we were from. When we replied, “South Carolina,” she exclaimed, “South Carolinians talk like THAT?!!?” My friend’s boyfriend replied, Yep — just two states up, we talk like that.” Apparently, we were way more Southern than any Floridians that she knew!
All of this talk about boiled peanuts and banana pudding is making me hungry. My Mawmaw makes the BEST banana pudding!
Hey you guys, just wanted to come by and say THANK YOU for all of the birthday wishes, I had a great one, and Flipit, as usual, you put out a hysterically funny-ass recap, THANK YOU ALSO for taking over for me this week! Next time we go to the Tonga Hut you are NOT gonna be drinking virgins or Diet Coke, K?
love, J-Mo
“Why are ugly couples so attracted to Costco? You know you’ve wondered too” WAH-HA-HAAA! That was hilarious and so true.
YOUR RECAPS ARE FUCKING HILARIOUS! John Tesh….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I miss Angelo
We all do, Khakie, we all do