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Tuesday, December 14, 2010
1:00 am
72 Comments
Tagged: bravo, competition, epic meltdowns, food, food porn, funny, Gail Simmons, gay guys, J-Mo, Jonas Brothers, Katie Lee Joel, lame ass pseudo rock stars, NO Anthony Bourdain, padma lakshmi, reality, recap, shocking, show, spoof, suspicious asshats, The Gnocchi Curse, tom colicchio, too many snot nosed brats, top chef, TV
Good evening, Ladies and ‘Gasmii. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin. The way things are going, this recap might last another 19 pages, and I don’t want to have anyone’s nerve-damaged ass cheeks on my conscience. However, sometimes I just can’t help it. I mean, we’re only a single episode into this brand-new season of Top Chef: All Stars and already the bitchfur is fuh-lying in the form of first-booted All-Star Loozah™ Elia A-Boom-Rat dissing Daddy Tom in print, accusing him of everything from fame-whoring to promoting unhealthy high-fructose corn syrup (it has apparently escaped her notice that Diet Coke doesn’t contain any of that stuff, but whatevs). I guess Miss Elia was too pissed off to even consider the fact that there just might someday be a Top Chef: All Stars Season TWO on the horizon somewhere, and maybe she coulda been on the cast. Mmmmyeah, consider yourself pretty much un-clicked from that particular mailing list, chica. Let it be a lesson to the rest of them, this isn’t Season Seven Sux anymore, they are not fucking around, the chefs have to be on-their-twinkliest-toes-kind-of-careful…
or at any moment a rogue T-Rex could eat your gay headband
This week’s episode begins on an odd note, showing the darkened and deserted sets of the Top Chef Kitchen and Judges’ Table while dramatic music plays. Then we cut to the chefs in the Stew Room all talking about how “real” it all is now that they’ve seen somebody get sent hooooome. They do remember this is going to happen every episode, don’t they? The producers remember that we remember that, too, don’t they? I guess not, because for some odd reason they are showing a recap of Miss Elia getting eliminated AGAIN. I’m sure she appreciates that, but I would say to her, don’t bitch at Daddy Tom, write a strongly-worded letter to the Magical Elves.
Anyhow, everyone is looking grim in the wake of the reality of Miss Elia’s departure, and they’re all thinking that if it could happen to her, it could happen to any of theeeeeeem. Well, everyone is thinking that except for BlazeHawk, who is still bitching about having been disqualified (because he didn’t realize that 0:00:00 meant STOP WORKING) and whining that if that “technicality” hadn’t happened then his dish might have won the $10,000 instead of OranJello’s…
why don’t you call up Miss Elia and wah-wah about it to her for a while?
Oh well, I guess BlazeHawk will just have to learn how to tell time, now. It’s a new day, and as the remaining 17 chefs enter the ktichen, they come upon a very odd sight…
Scar thinking about banging a young rich guy for a change
Yeah, that’s Taylor Hanson Joe Jonas of the famed Hanson Jonas Brothers who are the latest in a string of candy-coated blandballs fed to us all by Disney. I have no idea why he’s here, other than the fact that he claims to be a big fan of the show. Also puzzled by Joe Anus’s appearance in the kitchen is Dung v2.0., who shrugs and says “I thought he might be… a pastry chef?” Ah, but not everyone is ignorant of the Anus Brothers, because it’s immediately clear someone else is having a Moist Moment™…
guess whose inner thighs just went up in flames?
LowFatSo says that her daughter is a giant Anus Brothers fan and will be soooooo excited to find out that her mother was “in the vicinity” of The Most Exalted Anus himself! She should tell her daughter that she has a good possibility of actually inhaling some of the same air molecules that have passed through the lungs of the Anus Brothers (after all, they’ve been breathing since 1987) and watch her start to hyperventilate.
Anyhow, Joe Anus is actually here to help judge their QuickFire Challenge, which is to make a midnight snack for 150 kids who will be having a sleepover at the American Museum Of Natural History. Why is he qualified to judge? Because pop stars are known for having highly refined palates, that’s why they make demands for Ho-Hos and Twinkies and no brown M&Ms in their contract riders. In any case, Joe-Ho tells the chefs that there will be no utensils or plates, so the snack will be served in a brown paper bag, much like a 40-ounce malt-liquor beverage. KIDDING, we all know the Anus Brothers don’t drink anything stronger than Bug Juice and Tool-Aid™. Ah, but we’re not done, yet, because he looks at them very seriously and says: “And, uh…. you have 30 seconds….” OMG, BlazeHawk’s hair just fell flat (and he looks a lot better, actually!) But ha ha ha, Anus was just kidding, and everybody has a great giggle over it…
except Beaker, who’s excited because she just saw spirit guides Ronda and Juanita show up
I think Ronda was sleeping off a hang-over and Juanita didn’t want to float over by herself, it’s easy to get lost in New York City. Anyhow, Scar says they actually have 45 minutes to cook, winner gets immunity and “an advantage” in the Elimination Challenge. Let’s get started making something that will do double duty to rot kids’ teeth and ruin the supervising adults’ evening!
Dung v2.0 immediately misjudges what the challenge criteria is, as he ponders how in the fuck he’s going to make something tasty for an unknown palate like Joe-Ho’s (um, it’s supposed to taste good to amped-up 8-year-olds, not some pseudo-rock-star). Gayle’s also sweating it because he thinks kids are picky eaters. Oh puh-LEEZE, not when there is sugar involved! I hosted a party for my niece once, and when we moved the couch to have the Dance Contest, we found a cat-hair-encrusted Starburst Fruit Chew sans wrapper on the floor (the cats apparently didn’t like lemon flavor)… Dear GOD, I thought I was going to lose a finger the way those kids fought tooth and nail to get it out of my hand and devour it!
Well, we pretty much know that Gayle and Dung v2.0 aren’t winning, and Dungy’s rapidly earning the title of D.I.C.K. (Dick In the Common Kitchen) because, yo, he grabbed the entire bin of sugar off the pantry shelf and took it to his workstation… and kept it there, so everyone else has to spend extra time trying to figure out where they can get their share of the most kid-pacifying ingredient known to humankind…
Bunny Foo Foo struggles with her urge to put the sugar spoon up his ass instead of back in the bin
Bunny’s not the only one pissed off by this behavior, cuz Marcel TurkeyHair is muttering about it to ChesTiffany, rightfully calling it a blatant attempt to “fuck somebody’s game plan up”. ChesTiffany interviews that Wannabee GangstaDung betta not do that again. I would love to see her get boughetto on his dickish ass.
Also not planning to win is Sexist Pigshit, who is making chocolate polenta bars that he hopes he can execute. I think he’s forgotten his basic math here, because I’m pretty sure that kids + polenta × chocolate = zero immunity. Pigshit takes a moment out to reminisce about the brown bag lunches his mother made him as a child… and then proceeds to insult her by saying he’s blocked them out because they were so bad…
looks like he’s more than made up for skipping a few lunches
Oh well, time to see what TurkeyHair is up to!…
he’s pretty busy trying to burn the Top Chef kitchen down
KIDDING! His little Can’O'Fire™ just got away from him for a moment, that’s all. He says he actually likes cooking for kids, because he finds it personally satisfying to make delicious and nutritious meals for them, and because he relates so well to their lack of maturity. Ok, he didn’t say that last part, but I think that’s part of the attraction.
Spike EvangelAss is working away on the slicer, using it to cut some taters into chips and reminiscing about how his parents used him as free child labor in their Florida restaurant when he was just a MiniAss. He’s decided to make chips’n'dip for the kids and hopes they’re going to like it. I bet they will, and the Museum will not, because it is super-hard to get Ranch dip to come out of porous 70-billion-year-old dinosaur bones.
Hey, someone’s dicking around with the Liquid Nitrogen tanks! And it’s not BlazeHawk for a change! This time Miss Bitchani is the one donning the protective gear and causing those godawful squealy noises as she fills one of the smaller tanks. She is reminiscing on the last time she had to do a kids challenge, the little fuckers thought her food sucked, so she told Daddy Tom that “the palate of a 10-year-old is not a sophisticated tool by any stretch of the imagination”. True, but ouch. Then Daddy Tom told her in not so many words that she was lucky she had immunity because she was being a total bitch…
proof that wearing stickers on your face does not mean you are pro-kid
Wow, remember when Daddy Tom had hair? Anyhow, Bitchani fully admits that she was being a complete asshole back then and this time around wants to really give the kids something they’ll like, so she’s doing a mashup of a moon pie, a snowball, and a Rice Krispie treat “if all of those three things had a threesome and a baby”. So she’s making KrispieMoonBallBabies, using the liquid nitrogen to flash-freeze marshmallows, which she is then blending into a powder. This looks interesting. And slightly toxic.
BlazeHawk is back, and he’s whining about how much it sucked not winning Season Four of Top Chef. KIDDING, he’s saying that he was a pretty husky kid because no one told him what not to eat, so he would do things like using heavy cream with his cereal instead of just plain milk…
this could explain why he chooses hairstyles that would attempt to elongate the head
Eh, there are worse things than looking like a Scandinavian lesbian as a child. Such as growing up to be Sexist Pigshit, who is sweating and swearing and struggling to finish bagging his Chocolate Polenta Loserturds, and when LowFatSo offers to help him, he pretty much tells her to GTFO. She’s like fine, fatass, you’re gonna lose anyhow, and she trundles off to be the first to gushingly present her snack to Joe Anus and Scar…
which looks just like the clogged artery it will create
Anus Brother says he likes it, but Scar looks like she’s having some trouble with the sticky apple slices (you can get sticky things on Scar’s face all you want, but never her fingers). They move on to BlazeHawk…
whose soul-less snack could not be more appropriate
Also frightening? He made that white bread in the microwave. Let’s see how EvangelAss fared with his Child-Slave Chips™…
yup, they look like deep-fried oppression all right
Joe Anus says he’s never had marshmallows with chips before. Hmmmm, I’m guessing he liked BlazeHawk’s white bread a whole lot better. And speaking of crackers, guess what Lunch Tray made?…
now we’re snackin’ with some flava
They’re awful flavas, but still, he’s trying. To serve basil to children. I know Lunch Tray is a favorite, but honestly, I think he was way off the mark here, this kind of thing belongs more as an hors d’œuvre at some awful Real Housewives function than as a midnight snack for kids. This is an overthinking FAIL. Let’s bounce over to Bunny Foo Foo and see what she’s trying to shove down these kids’ throats…
very clever, Foo Foo, a handful of barbiturates assures quiet children by dawn
Sexist Pigshit takes a moment to continue living up to my nickname and ironically bitch that Bunny’s chocolate lasagna sounded like a horrible idea and that he wanted to throw up when he heard about it. Because CHOCOLATE POLENTA is the real Food Of The Gods. Putz.
Hey, what’s that hissing, spitty, squealy noise? Is it the Liquid Nitrogen tank again? Nope, it’s Gayle explaining his snack, in which he admits to wanting to get the kids “as jacked up on sugar” as he possibly could…
by smartly disguising it as granola so they’ll never eat it
His boulders are made of pretzels, Whoppers, and cinnamon graham crackers, and he says after the kids eat them it’ll be like attending a “10-year-old rave”, which causes LowFatSo to start giggling and Dung v2.0 to begin fist-pumping…
just add a little NN-tss-NN-tss-NN-tss-NN-tss and BOOM, instant douchebaguette
Moving on, it looks like Jamie Turtle wants to whisk us away as well…
to the nearest Red Lobster
When Anus says he likes the applesauce, Turtle and Gayle fist-bump, and that’s how we know a new Team Rainbow has been born. Next, we have ChesTiffany’s attempt at being snackalicious…
and i have no clue where her head is at
Her glutinous little balls of sadness fall apart before Joe-Ho can even get one in his mouth. The only thing this snack would be good for is earning Janitor Hatred™. Time for Dung v2.0′s attempt at youth relevancy…
this’d be great if kids liked to eat prolapsed asshole cakes served with a shit-stain sauce
Sorry, but that looks vile. Let’s see how FahBeeOh did…
eez opple deep eenda shocolade sozze
The Fabster makes another one of his lame jokes about how een Eetalee zee meednide znack eez da rozted cheeken an zom paszta. Mamma mia! Scar politely giggles, but Anus looks puzzled. Perhaps by the accent. In any case, we finally get to see what Bitchani’s playing around with toxic chemicals produced…
tasty little tumors
Seriously, those look good, but all she gets out of Anus is “interesting” and they walk on over to OranJello and his “Cheese Crisp 2010: The New Evolution”…
a.k.a. “Overthinking FAIL: The Sequel“
I love The Citrus One, and I know how much the children in my life are fond of Old Bay Seasonings, but I think this is way too complicated and trying too hard to impress adult sensibilities, so, add OranJello to the list of chefs not winning immunity. AssBurrito, on the other hand, just might have a shot…
or, he would have before the apricot and mint found their way in there
Bitter Jen falls prey to the same thing…
she did remember they have no utensils, right?
Hmmm, I wonder in what universe peaches can ever be seen as finger-foods? Plus, I bet the kids would be thinking that they’ve been given a hunk of cookie-dough, and when they bite into it and taste bacon and ginger they’re going to be pissed and puke it up on purpose. More Janitor Hatred™. Jen herself laughs nervously and says if the kids don’t like it “they can whip it at each other”. Great, way to add some potential Mom Hatred™ to the pile, there, Jen!
And now, let’s watch Sexist Pigshit crash and burn…
because it’s fun to serve kids cat food that comes with a chaser
Pigshit tries to sell it as his version of “cookies & milk”, but Anus Brother looks like he’s gagging a little. We have two chefs who didn’t get judged on camera (because we had to spend time watching parts of last week’s episode during this one) and oddly enough, one is TurkeyHair, who decided to go with the always-charming “Ants On A Log”…
a.k.a. “Stuff In A Cup”
Kids love negative-calorie foods like celery. And by that I mean they love to whip them at each other. Anyhow, our other non-televised snack belongs to Beaker, who made carrot, ginger and oatmeal cookies, plus carrot chips and granola clusters…
which should be served with a side of Prevacid
Yeah, I can’t explain it, either… maybe these are Ronda and Juanita’s favorite hangover foods? Ginger is supposed to have a calmative effect on nausea. Perhaps I should have some myself, because Anus is about to tell us his least favorites. ChesTiffany is first on that list, because her rice balls were messy and the kids would have a hard time eating them…
aaaand I think the Anus Brothers just lost a fan
Also sucking is BWAHAHAHAHAHA Sexist Pigshit’s terrible polenta poops, Joe-Ho says the chocolate in them wasn’t strong enough. Pigshit is embarrassed because he’s never been in the bottom of a QuickFire before. I couldn’t believe that, so I just checked, and he’s right, normally he is swaddled in mediocrity. Welcome to your true home, asshat! And last in last place tonight is poor AssBurrito, who just cannot catch a break. Anus says he liked the snickerdoodle cookie, but the mint and apricot didn’t really go with it very well. DUH.
So who are Anus Brother’s faves? Well, he likes the idea of child labor (since he’s grown up working for Disney) so EvangelAss’s Child Slave Chips resonate with him. He also enjoyed the KrispieMoonBallBabies that Bitchani made. Then he says that the two snacks are really in a tie right now (uh huh) and Scar says they’re going to let the kids decide which is best at the Museum tonight…
which makes Bitchani’s Bullshit-O-Meter™ start dinging very loudly
and EvangelAss just had his first Ronda and Juanita Spirit Sighting
He is understandably nervous about putting his carroty chips’n'dip up against Bitchani’s “sugar bomb”. Then Scar makes everything a zillion times worse when she notes that the two of them are going to need some help from their fellow chefs to make 150 portions of their snacks. and they begin a schoolyard-style team-choosing. EvangelAss starts, picking BlazeHawk, Dung v2.0, TurkeyHair, AssBurrito, OranJello, Sexist Pigshit and Beaker… while Bitchani grabs Bitter Jen, LowFatSo, Gayle, Bunny Foo Foo, Turtle (which is a shame, because the bitch has already said she clearly doesn’t care about helping anyone else win the QuickFire), ChesTiffany, and Lunch Tray.
This leaves poor FahBeeOh as the Last One Picked™, and Scar actually gives The Fabster the choice of which team he wants to be on. With no hesitation he says “Hee waz tryeeng to ged reed ov mee, bud I’m gonna go weed eSpike!” Privately FahBeeOh admits he chose EvangelAss’ team because he wanted to piss him off. Meanwhile, EvangelAss looks like he could give less of a shit. They have 2 hours to cook these damned things.
Gayle is super-happy about how the teams have wound up, saying that it’s like having “The ‘Spice Girls’ and a Bodyguard” (he must be referring to Turtle or LowFatSo, cuz the only body that Queenella Gayle would guard is his own gently thickening one) versus “The ‘Cool Guys’ and their Babysitter Beaker”. Meanwhile EvangelAss is claiming that Bitchani is much more of a drill sergeant in the kitchen while he has a lot more fun and is laid back. He immediately shows his fun-loving side by insisting on dickishly calling FahBeeOh “Fabian” over and over and giving him nothing but shit-work to do. Yeah, that’s so much better than working for a fuddy-duddy like Bitchani, who’s, you know, respectful and disciplined…
or maybe in EvangelAss’ eyes this will always be the only Fabio
In any case, they continue on with making his carrot strips and tater chips and BlazeHawk is looking wistfully at Bitchani’s side of the kitchen where there is so much Liquid Nitrogen usage going on. He wishes he could be over there being the usual know-it-all asshole “showing them how it’s done”. Is there some big mystery to how it works? Umm, you pour the nitrogen on stuff, it freezes, end of story, right?
Also taking more time to ensure he never wins Fan Favorite™ is Dung v2.0, who, even though he was chosen second to be on his castmate’s team, thinks it just sucks to have to be working on EvangelAss’ snack: “It’s like asking me to make dinner without buying the groceries. It’s like trying to make chicken soup with chicken shit.” Ugh, I hate simile abuse. First of all, it’s not dinner, it’s fucking chips’n'dip. Second, you didn’t buy any of the supplies, the Magical Elves did. Third…
it’s like pretending you’re a bad-ass Black man when you’re really a bitchy little Asian dude (with pouty lips!)
I think FahBeeOh is more hurt about being chosen last than he’s letting on, because now he’s claiming that Bitchani didn’t pick him because she doesn’t respect him (because someone repeatedly calling you “Fabian” when your name is “Fabio” is a sure sign of respect) and he believes they are going to “crosh” her team. Well, we’re about to see, because they’re done and heading over to the American Museum Of Natural History…
where they are in dire need of a new font
They barely get their shit set up when around the corner comes one of my worst nightmares…
tweens
Once they’ve passed out all the snacks, EvangelAss realizes this isn’t Hidden Valley where mythical children love to eat their vegetables. He decides to start campaigning amongst the kids to try and boost his weird-ass salty snack’s popularity, and now we can cue the kids saying they don’t like it. Well, let’s think about it for a moment. Which would you rather have… KrispieMoonBallBabies, or wizened vegetable strips served with lumpy whitish goo?
that looks a lot like that jizzy stuff you’ve just recently discovered
Bitchani’s Team follows EvangelAss’ lead and starts campaigning amongst the kids as well. Everyone except Turtle, who refuses because a) she doesn’t care about helping Bitchani win (way to support your fellow Sapphic Sistah, yay gay pride) and b) she has no interest in having children… ever…
that whooshing sound?…is millions of unborn fetuses out in the ether breathing a sigh of relief
then again, seeing this would make me want to turn my uterus to stone, too
At any rate, as if things weren’t crazy enough, here comes Scar with Joe Anus, and the girls (and budding gayboys) go wild, forgetting all about this stupid snack competition. After basking in their adulation (and fusty pre-teen body odor) for a few minutes, Anus finally asks the kids to show via screams and shouts whether or not EvangelAss’ chips’n'dip was the best snack. There are a few paltry yells, but mostly crickets. EvangelAss is mega-embarrassed, and likens it to being chosen last in the schoolyard…
karma. it’s a bitch. a sweet, sweet bitch.
Then Scar asks who liked Bitchani’s KrispieMoonBallBabies, and the din is overwhelmingly in her favor. Now she gets immunity and an “advantage”. The kids take off to go destroy some other part of the Mvsevm, leaving the chefs to clean up a bunch of discarded bags of carrot chips’n'dip. While they’re cleaning up, suddenly Daddy Tom appears, and everyone’s faces crumple, because they know some shit is about to go down.
And they were right to get all crumply-faced, because he says the Elimination Challenge starts right now. At 1:30am. And the challenge is that they have to create a breakfast for all the little snots who just left. And not just the snots, but their awful parents as well. Why do I call them awful? Take a look at how they let their little angels treat the dinosaur room of a National Mvsevm…
bvncha messy little fvckers
I hate litterbvgs. They shoulda made them clean up after themselves instead of the chefs. Anyhow, breakfast starts at 7:30am, so they’ll be spending the night here as well. As for ingredients, they can use whatever they find in the Mvsevm’s kitchen, and that’s it. Then he points out the two large skeletons belonging to T-Rex and Brontosaurus. One team will cook their breakfast inspired by the big bad tiny-armed (and thankfully extinct) carnivore, being allowed to use only “meat and meat by-products, such as eggs and dairy. The other team will be inspired by the herbivore diet of the gentler, stupider (and no less extinct) Brontosaurus, being allowed to use only fruits, veggies and grains. Bitchani, as the QuickFire winner, now gets to choose which diet she wants to be restricted to. With barely a pause, she decides to ditch Gayle’s “Spice Girls + Gay Guy In A Headband” and become Team T-Rex. EvangelAss’ group is now Team Fuuuuuuuuck.
As an added bonus, they now get to spend the night sleeping on super-comfortable army cots in the Hall Of North American Mammals, which kind of sucks until we find out that Lunch Tray usually likes to sleep naked…
you’re all welcome
After they get settled in their uncomfortable new surroundings, the Teams take some time to chat and plan. The Bronto-Boyz decide to break up into sub-pairs, FahBeeOh and AssBurrito, Sexist Pigshit and Dung v2.0, Beaker and EvangelAss, leaving the unthinkable ménage à trois that is BlazeHawk, TurkeyHair and OranJello.
Team T-Rauma is not having such a productive time, as Bitter Jen insists on trying to say that they’re not really a team, they’re all competing against one another. She seems really off-kilter all of a sudden, I dunno if it’s the late hour, or the pressure of a Disciple of Ripert™, but it’s kinda disturbing. Eventually they arrive at their own set of sub-pairs, Bitchani and Gayle, ChesTiffany and LowFatSo, Bunny Foo Foo and Lunch Tray, leaving Turtle and Bitter Jen to work together. After settling on that, both teams pretty much decide it’s pointless to plan any further when they have no idea what food they’re going to have available to them. Most of the ladies decide to hit the scratchy sheets, but most of the guys decide to take their own flashlight tour of the Mvsevm, which is filled with fun sleep-depriving hi-jinks…
your brain making dinner
your brain as part of this delicious breakfast
EvangelAss thinks that Team Bronto-Boyz’ decision to forego their piddly little 45 minute nap will give them an advantage because their brains will be awake and alert, while Team T-Rauma will just be sleepy and annoyed and not having any fun. Then they reach the section devoted to ancient hominid species and start making even worse cracks about the other team…
I woulda said that’s Scar in about fifty years
The rest of the chefs awaken at 3:45am and run over to the kitchen by 4, and it’s there that Team Bronto-Boyz sees that they have everything they wished for, while Team T-Rauma makes the horrifying discovery that Bitchani accidentally assumed carnivore = omnivore. She thought that they would have access to everything, but that’s not exactly true. Although they have rib-eye steaks and seafood, eggs and dairy, they cannot use flour or herbs or citric acid… just the meat and meat by-products. Exactly as Daddy Tom said when he laid out the Challenge.
Bitter Jen and Turtle were going to make a Scotch Egg (hardboiled egg inside of a giant ball of sausage, blech) but there’s no sausage, so they decide to make a play on bacon and eggs. Gayle’s getting violent, saying he wants to punch someone after seeing how it’s all “sunshine, puppies and rainbows” over at Team Bronto-Boyz’ workstation…
someone needs to engage in beating off a little more often
Um, that’s why it’s called an “Elimination Challenge”, the loozahs are shit out of luck. Meanwhile, EvangelAss and Beaker are just happily humming along and making a fresh bright gazpacho, while AssBurrito and FahBeeOh are working on making a heavy-ass gnocchi. Say it with me now: noooooooooooo, not gnooooocchiiiii! These almost never work on Top Chef, they often turn out denser than lead, and the judges hate a sticky gnocchi, but FahBeeOh’s convinced he can make them come out taztee.
Ruh-roh! It looks like Turtle’s knife has slipped while slicing bacon and cut her thumby-poo open. The medic on hand cleans her up and suggests that she get stitches, so she takes off to go to the E.R. Bitter Jen tells her it’s OK, and that she should go, but several of the other chefs are rolling their eyes. FahBeeOh brings up the time that he broke his finger during a challenge, taped it to a fork, and finished the challenge. Bitter Jen insists she’s fine with Turtle leaving to go take care of her cut finger, she’s going to forge ahead with braised whole-slab bacon, sliced and with some hard-boiled egg sprinkled on top.
Lunch Tray has rediscovered how much fun it is to work with Bunny Foo Foo, who, inbetween bitching about Turtle leaving because of her teensy paper-cut, has no ideas whatsoever for dishes, other than to de-bone a bunch of salmon. It’s up to you, Tray. Welcome back to that leadership position that you so enjoyed before it got you sent packing.
LowFatSo and ChesTiffany have decided to make a trio of frittatas, but they are discovering the Mvsevm’s kitchen has balky and cranky ovens (i.e., they are not GE Monogram brand) and things are not cooking evenly at all. They seem to be in danger of not having enough food when ChesTiffany comes up with a brilliant solution…
and fuck the messy-ass litterbug brats
Everything isn’t perfect over at Team Bronto-Boyz, because Dung v2.0 and Sexist Pigshit’s polenta cake isn’t turning out at all, so they’re just going to serve it as lumpy polenta. Is Sexist just obsessed with corn products? This is his second polenta-product in the same damned show! Move on to a different grain already, fatass! Also, FahBeeOh is not happy with the way EvangelAss is bruising his gnocchi when he stirs them too fast, but EvangelAss thinks it’s silly to make ten tiny taterpillows at a time, so he’s trying to push production and make things come out a little faster.
Curious about how Bitter Jen is doing on her Turtle-less solo play on bacon & eggs? Bunny Foo Foo takes a taste of it before they head on outside to start their one hour of buffet setup, and proclaims that it “tastes like wet bacon”. Jen insists that it tastes fine, and gee, it’s a little late to be contributing dish ideas now, Bunny. P.S. hope you got all your pin-bones out of your salmon.
Once outside, it’s pandemonium trying to get everything plated for the inevitable onslaught of cranky kids and crankier sleep-deprived parents. TurkeyHair gets irritated when OranJello suggests that the plum pieces in their fruit dish are too large, and sets Beaker to the task of cutting them down to smaller size. *gasp* How dare someone (other than TurkeyHair) make a judgment call on a dish component. He makes his displeasure known by leaning over to Beaker and cattily opining that they are “ruining the integrity of the plums” by resizing them…
TurkeyHair wishes for the day he can stop hearing the screaming of the plums
OranJello, who is clearly not trying to be a dick, only helpful, stops TurkeyHair and quietly explains that he felt smaller chunks worked better in proportion to the rest of the plate. It’s not totally clear, but it seems as though the plums were BlazeHawk’s part of the dish, not TurkeyHair’s, so why is he the one getting all bent out of shape? Even with The Citrus One’s attempt to defuse, his hurt pride is apparently still not assuaged, “You don’t fuck with someone else’s mise en place.” he snots in his interview. Now he’s suspicious of OranJello, saying he’s keeping an eye on him, and vowing to never let him touch his food…
no one cuts TurkeyHair’s plums into pieces
His suspiciousness of OranJello is baseless and stupid and reeks of ego-bruising. Why would The Citrus One want to fuck up a dish that he’s partially responsible for as well? Also, it’s not like he took the plums and reseasoned them or changed them in any way other than the size of the pieces. Thirdly, perhaps he was smart to consider that children, although louder than any other creatures on this planet, have smaller mouths than adults do. No need to intimidate them with giant hunks of plum.
With just a few minutes to go, Turtle finally shows back up from the E.R. with a whopping two whole stitches in her thumb. This causes an avalanche of eye-rolling on Team T-Rauma, with Gayle claiming he sliced off a big chunk of thumb years ago, duct-taped it back together and kept on going. This could explain why he doesn’t masturbate enough, perhaps he can’t get a good grip now. Turtle herself doesn’t help anything with her blasé attitude, saying that she’s pretty much taken the role of being Bitter Jen’s sous chef and giggling that this bacon and eggs thing isn’t her dish at all. COP-OUT. I am pissed that she contributed zero energy and effort here and she’ll totally get a free pass to the next Elimination Round…
for realsies, I have Band-Aids bigger than that in my medicine cabinet
As time runs out, Bunny Foo Foo mentions that she didn’t have time to taste the sauce that Lunch Tray made for her salmon, which clearly means it sucks. Tray himself said that it was a little spicier than he meant for it to be, but still thinks it tastes good. Now I’m waiting to see the eventual moue of disgust grace Scar and Gail and Daddy Tom’s faces when they try it.
The little brats start blearily making their way out into the sunlight, and Beaker says that although the kids seem receptive to the Bronto-Boyz menu, Team T-Rauma has a much larger line at their station. Here come the judges, and look at the blast from the past that they dug up to be a guest judge…
the woman so boring they replaced her with the perpetually blazed-up bonged-out Scar
Yup, that’s Katie Lee Joel, who only made it through Season One before they remembered she was married to the guy responsible for unleashing “We Didn’t Start The Fire” on the world and kicked her off. She’s not hiding her bitterness too well, either. Anyhow, after sharing a moment recalling fond memories of Season One, they start picking up the Bronto-Boyz dishes, beginning with Sexist Pigshit and Dung v2.0′s vaguely vaginal-looking Pile’O'Polenta…
a.k.a. “Menstruation Madness”
Next up they get TurkeyHair, BlazeHawk and OranJello’s fruit plate…
which would be perfect if not for those GIANT FUCKING PLUMS
This is followed by Beaker and EvangelAss’ gazpacho…
this meal is rapidly turning into the Red & Wild festival from To Wong Foo
The final dish is AssBurrito and FahBeeOh’s bruised gnocchi…
or as The Fabster is calling them, “leedle potahto peelows”
Daddy and Katie Lee Loozah go sit at one table with some random kids and a staffer, while Gail and Scar sit at another (this keeps Katie from trying to kill Scar with dirty looks over stealing her gig). Gail says she thinks Sexist and Dungy were “creative” with the polenta dish (huh?) and one of the staffers likes the veggies, but the kids seem to think it was a little too spicy, and another staffer thinks the texture is wrong.
Katie Loozah likes FahBeeOh’s gnocchi, and Daddy Tom agrees, saying he thinks it might be the first time they’ve had gnocchi on the show that wasn’t hardened. As for Beaker and EvangelAss’ gazpacho, one of the staffers thinks it really worked and definitely woke him up, but the kids again are turned off by it being too spicy for their bland little palates.
On the other hand, it seems that the TurkeyBlazeJello banana parfait is a favorite amongst everyone, kids like the taste, Gail thinks it’s pretty as a painting. TurkeyHair is feeling confident “even though Angelo tried to fuck up our dish”. Jesus, this guy is just unfuckingredeemable. HATE. Let’s see how Team T-Rauma’s going to do, starting with LowFatSo and ChesTiffany’s ‘tatas…
a.k.a. the trio of undercooked hockey pucks
Next they take some of Bunny Foo Foo and Lunch Tray’s salmon’n'stuff…
should they have been allowed to use apple-smoked bacon??!??
Followed in turn by Bitter Jen and Turtle’s dish…
jeez, and the dishes on this team seem to all favor urine yellow
Serving a dish that looks slightly less peed-on are Bitchani and Gayle…
more fucking yellow
I will be very surprised if they don’t get busted for being so monochromatic. In any case, they start with Bitter Jen’s bacon, and immediately the kids say that they’re used to a nice crispy strip, this soggy shit ain’t cutting it. Even worse, one of the staffers says the eggs had no flavor at all. Gail says it doesn’t feel cooked in the way she wishes it was (maybe this is why people should leave traditional bacon’n'eggs alone).
Daddy Tom takes a bite of Bunny Foo Foo’s salmon, and almost immediately finds a huge pin bone she missed. Ha ha. As for Lunch Tray’s sauce, people are saying it’s way too salty. Right before they curl up and dehydrate like snails. Tray himself says he had to keep the sauce heated on the burner, and as a result it over-reduced, but he insists too salty is better than bland. We’ll see. Bland doesn’t leave you feeling like Lot’s wife in the Old Testament.
As for LowFatSo and ChesTiffany’s Tatas, several people (including Katie Loozah) mention how undercooked they are, while Daddy Tom says his is finished nicely. Perhaps if they were going to use Chesty’s idea and save only “good ones” for the judges, they should have remembered that there are four of them, so they’d need 12 total. Or maybe they just really hate Katie Lee and want to make her puke…
seriously, after this shit I don’t fucking blame them
Everybody seems to like Gayle and Bitchani’s steak and eggs dish, and Katie Loozah thinks they have a lot of flavor in there (unlike her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s music). With that, the little brats are sated and drag their exhausted parents off to some other awful kid-infested place, returning Top Chef to a blissfully child-free zone. After having a little more discussion (and watching Scar and Katie Loozah carefully avoid making eye contact) Daddy Tom declares both sides had some successes and failures.
Tonight’s vignette is all about how FahBeeOh is a constant smarmy schmoozer, especially where his precious potahtoe peelow gnocchi are concerned. Sorry, but that shit doesn’t even rate a screenshot, so here’s a commercial instead…
if some freeloading jobless little fuckwit ever calls me lame for not buying a cool $35,000 car, he’s going to find out how much cooler he looks carrying the $35 city bus pass
Stew Room. Serious minor-key guitar twanging. Some shit is about to go down here. Bitchani is trying to explain to the others how her thought-process was fundamentally flawed when she chose to go with the T-Rex diet over the Brontosaurus diet. FahBeeOh proudly proclaims his awesomeness for making gnocchi with no eggs or butter. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. About. Your. God. Damned. Gnocchi. Already… Fabian.
Suddenly Scar appears and asks to see… Team Bronto-Boyz. Fuuuuuuck. Every one of the faces on Team T-Rauma just fell about six inches. Gayle bitches that all of the Bronto-Boyz’ dish choices were weird and crazy for kids and their parents (wait, doesn’t that category cover pretty much everyone on the planet?). Bitter Jen pipes up that she no longer bothers to cook for the incidental people who wind up eating the food, she’s learned her lesson and just cooks directly for the Judges. Gayle gets even pissier and calls her selfish. Jen snaps back “Do you wanna win, or do you wanna make the 150 people happy that you’re never going to see again?” She has a point, cuz it’s rare that the opinions of the regular folk are given that much weight on this show. Point goes to Bitter Jen…
who knew she was going to really earn her nickname this episode?
At the Judges’ Table, I was hoping that perhaps they switched it up and the Bronto-Boyz had actually lost the challenge, but no, they kicked ass. Daddy Tom wants to know about how they were able to accommodate nine different opinions to get these dishes done. TurkeyHair lies and claims that it all happened “very organically”, which is an odd way of saying “I got pissed off because someone wanted things to actually be bite-sized“. Then FahBeeOh opens his mouth and all I hear is that the gnocchi gnocchied the gnocchified gnocchilicious gnocchicytes in the most gnocchiesque gnocchivisional gnocchiology EVAH.
Katie Lee Loozah wants to know whose idea the banana parfait was, and TurkeyHair, BlazeHawk and OranJello all take their bows. Katie says it was clear the three of them worked well together as a team, which causes TurkeyHair to let loose with a dickish sarcastic giggle. Sure enough, theirs is the winning dish, making it TWO consecutive wins for OranJello! BlazeHawk is happy, too, but TurkeyHair insists that if only one person could have won it would naturally have been him, because he had “more components” in the dish than either of the other two…
behold the real inspiration for their awesome dish
I bet FahBeeOh’s even more pissed that his potahtoe peelows didn’t win. But at least he’s in no danger of going home, like someone on Team T-Rauma is. Anyhow, the ladies (plus Gayle and Lunch Tray) trudge off, and once the Circle Of Shame™ is completed at Judges’ Table, Bitchani starts in with her explanation of what she thought the parameters of the challenge were. Gail stops her and says it’s supposed to be about adaptability, and Daddy Tom points out that he was very clear when he said T-Rex would get to use meat and meat by-products only. Bitchani insists they did a pretty good job nonetheless, but Daddy Tom is adamant that there were technical issues and readily apparent flaws. Bitter Jen is making pissyface.
Such as ChesTiffany and LowFatSo’s tired frittatas. They immediately blame the oven, but Katie Loozah says hers was just plain raw and disintegrated when she cut into it. Bitter Jen ups the ante to extra-pissyface. They bring up Bitchani and Gayle’s steak and Hollandaise eggs, saying they had good flavor, but when you get right down to where the cheese binds, it was just a piece of steak and some well-cooked scrambled eggs, nothing risky or exciting. Bitter Jen has moved on to super-pissyface.
Bunny Foo Foo takes credit for having cooked her salmon chunks (nobody throws her missed bones back in her buck-toothed face) but quickly points the finger at Lunch Tray when they ask about the sauce that went over the fish. Tray admits that his sauce might have over-reduced and gotten too salty. Daddy Tom is incredulous that he knew this and continued to serve it anyhow. Bitter Jen is now in full-on fuckyouface, and can’t seem to keep still. Scar notices and calls her out, saying that she seems really pissed off…
no, genius, this is Jen having multiple orgasms
Jen admits that fuck yeah, she’s angry! She doesn’t feel that she (or Team T-Rauma, for that matter) deserve to be in the bottom. Gail asks if she tasted Team Bronto-Boyz’ food, and Jen claims she did, adding a snippy “of course I did” at the end. “And you didn’t like it?”, Gail asks. Jen’s only reply is to give her a sarcastic grimace and a rude click of her teeth. But Gail wants deets, what specifically didn’t she like? “I thought we were better. That’s all I’m gonna say.” Oh Lord, I think Jen has finally flipped out.
Bitchani tries to defuse, saying she tasted most of their dishes and didn’t feel like they were really breakfast foods. Bitter Jen snorts, “Gnocchi? For breakfast?” Katie Lee Loozah says she thought the gnocchi were an inventive approach, which is something Team T-Rauma lacked. Daddy Tom asks why they chose to plate the food all on one dish instead of serving the food separately, and suddenly Jen loses her shit completely: “You guys are smart enough, you’re the Judges, why didn’t you say ‘Hey, can I get a different plate for this?’”…
O
M
F
G!
Daddy Tom’s eyes harden and his tone turns icy, “Yeah, I’m smart enough to know that, maybe someone on your team should’ve been smart enough to know that.” Then he turns to Turtle to find out what her contribution was (besides bleeding everywhere) and she vaguely mentions “conceptualizing” with Bitter Jen before retelling the riveting story of her horrific Almost-Amputated Thumb™, which brings a big eye-roll from LowFatSo. Daddy asks Bitter Jen if Turtle’s absence affected the outcome of the dish, and she says nope, everybody else pitched in and helped. LowFatSo pipes up that Turtle’s decision to leave was looked upon with derision, not just by her, but by most of the team who would have just shut up, duct-taped their thumb back together and carried on….
guess who just crossed seven people off her Christmas List?
Gail says the real problem with the bacon and eggs was the proportion, the eggs just got lost. Bitter Jen shrugs and spits that she disagrees. Daddy Tom says the pork was well-seasoned, but the egg whites and yolks on top were really bland (shoulda used some of Lunch Tray’s sauce on it!). Bitter Jen insists that they were not, the eggs were seasoned perfectly, the bacon was exactly the way she planned for it to be, and I think Bitter Jen’s cheese has finally slid off of her cracker.
Back in the Stew Room the Boyz want to know what went down. Bitter Jen says she yelled at the Judges more than they yelled at them. Gayle wants to know if she was like that during the Vegas Season, and her reply is “Absolutely NOT! Welcome to Jen All-Stars.” Back at the Judges’ Table, Gail says she’s rarely seen any chef be so angry, and Daddy Tom is quick to point out that chefs only go home for making poor food, not for disagreeing or talking back. Or do they? Because sure enough, Bitter Jen is the one packing her knives tonight…
and probably laughing at how crazy it is that Miss Two Stitches there gets to stay
The rest of the chefs look just as shocked, and even Daddy Tom looks like he feels shitty about this. Jen herself says she is shocked, still insisting that her bacon’n'eggs was great and therefore she doesn’t know why she’s going home, she thought for sure she’d be going to the Finale. At least she shakes hands with the Judges instead of just stomping off the way Miss Elia did. She interviews that her dad always says “Second place is still losing.” Great, so Daddy Bitter is one of those dads. Jen wonders what he’s going to say about second-to-last place. She appears to be putting on a brave face for the others as she makes her goodbye hugs, but the cracks are showing, and she barely makes it out the door of the Stew Room before a Total Meltdown takes place. I’m going to let Closed Captioning tell you her final words…
W
T
F?
I can’t even describe to you how completely un-fucking-hinged she sounded during that last rant, it was truly frightening, and definitely embarrassing, so I’m pretty certain Miss Andy will use that footage during the inevitable Reunion Show and make her feel bad all over again.
Well, even though it ended on a downer, and with one of the season’s favorites already gone, what did you think of this episode? Were the Judges right for sending Jen packing, or should it have been Lunch Tray leaving for his Salt-Lick Sauce? Or maybe ChesTiffany or LowFatSo for raw frittatas? Was Turtle being a wuss for a two-stitch cut, or justified in leaving to seek medical attention beyond duct tape? And most intriguing, do you think Jen’s shittitude during the Judges’ Table had anything to do with her going home, or was it just flabby bacon and bland eggs that did her in?
Thanks again for taking the time out to read, and for all the delicious comment love!
love, J-Mo
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72 Comments
Question–If you are gay, does that make it ok to call things “gay”. Just asking.
In his blog, Anthony Bourdain cemented himself forever in my heart by likening the Top Chef competition to the tv show The Wire. I love that they cast him this season. Now back to reading.
I totally think Jen got sent home for her attitude, and I also think something happened off camera that set her off in the first place. After reading Elia’s rant, I am convinced there is way more to this story than we will ever know!!! BUT I WAS THRILLED to see Jen stand up to those cheezy judges and OH HOW I WISH BOURDAIN HAD BEEN THERE!!!!
Why is uuncooked eggs ok–with two people making them!!! Jen was robbed.
I was actually totally okay with Bitter Jen going home. Her attitude really irritates me, as it did on her season as well. Maybe she wasn’t the right choice, but I won’t be sad to see the back of her. Jaime needs to go next. What a whiner.
I work in a kitchen and I have to say Jaime was a giant wuss for not duct taping her thumb together – it would have been better for her to get her stitches during service.
I’m not sure what to think about Jens ouster. Soggy bacon in pretty terrible – but raw eggs or bony salmon? Those seem worse plus health hazzards. It could be that Jens refusal to admit that her bacon sucked is probably what sent her packing. The judges understand that everyone has a bad day but have no patience when a chef cannot or willnot acknowledge their own suckage. Had Jen said her dish was poorly executed because Turtle wussied out on her I believe she would have stayed.
Love this show but I love the recaps more — J-Mo my cold is killing me but yet again my life is a little more bearable after reading one of your recaps!!
Even though I am bummed to see BitterJen leave, it was the worst dish on her team. And she defended her dish as perfect. So either her taste is way off or she thinks the judges taste is off. And telling judges they are wrong rarely goes over well. I think if she would have copped to under seasoning, they may have focused on the dish Tiffany and Antonio made. However if Jen doesn’t think anything is wrong with a dish that everyone hated, then something is seriously wrong. Add to that her duck was panned last week as well. I think she let the success of her season get to her head and she didn’t bring her A game. Plus no one sasses Daddy Tom and lives to tell about it.
At least she was gracious in her subsequent interviews and she said she would do another season of All-Stars if invited back, which was completely opposite of crazy delusional Ellia.
As far as the challenge, Tom said a producer came and explained the challenge to them in more depth. And explained what they would have available to them.
I don’t understand why Tiffinay was upset at Judges Table. Giving them meat and grains wouldn’t have really been a challenge. Strangely I’m liking Dung v2.0 this season. His interviews and soundbites crack me up. I don’t see him winning but I hope he sticks around for a while.
Great recap!!
I think the outburst at the end played a role in Jen’s elimination, but I also agree with ohralphie about her not admitting to the poor quality of the food playing a part as well. I wasn’t a big fan of her attitude anyway. My Faves are Tiffany D and Antonia – I get the shady/sneaky vibe from Angelo. I wish they had Bourdain on all the episodes, he is awesome!
>>>>>Question–If you are gay, does that make it ok to call things “gay”. Just asking.<<<<<
If you're talking about a show on Bravo, it is. Bravo squirts gay juice all over things that weren't even gay to begin with. Interior design? Okay, lotsa gay. Cooking? Is cooking inherently gay? You can't swing a dead cat in on a Top Chef set without hitting a rainbow tattoo.
J-Mo, what a great recap and yes, thanks for the shirtless Tre picture….
I didn’t like” Jen All-stars” – I don’t know what happened in her life between the Vegas Season until this show, but her dour bitchy attitude was off-putting. No joy in cooking, just some robotic technique. My take on her dish was that it was soggy bacon topped with bland soggy eggs. I think if Jamie could have stopped her performance of “OMG, my thumb has red stuff coming out of it!”, she might have been able to be a sounding board for Jen. It beats having Bunny Foo Foo with her noncommittal “I got the bones out of my salmon, so fuck y’all” helping you.
Yeah, I think Jen’s attitude contributed to her leaving. It might have been someone else, but she was so arrogant and snotty about a dish that she would probably never serve at her restaurant.
Marcel continues to be a douchenozzle – i am waiting for the episode where he is stuffed into the liquid nitrogen cannister. C’mon that can happen…hopefully, it will be Tre stuffing him in and then tearing his shirt off, while getting high fives from all the other chefs.
Did Bitter Jen forget to take her meds? She’s always been a little, eh, bitter, but during this episode she was just completely off her rocker. I wasn’t sad to see her go after that behavior. Amazing how two episodes of this season have been way more entertaining than all of Season Seven Sux!
I’m still rooting for The Citrus One! Thx for the laughs J-mo!
I totally agree with LAC – I hated Jen’s attitude from the first show – and at the end it sounded like she was believing her own press and thought she was a little better than everybody else – I wouldn’t eat braised bacon if you paid me!
Know who was in the bottom in Quickfires? Hung and Big Volt. I’m even of the mind that Hung mocking Quickfires because he didn’t think he’d need immunity probably led the producers to introduce the “High Stakes Quickfire” so that punks like Hung wouldn’t make Smurf Villages that make everyone laugh but “don’t take the competition seriously.”
This may not mitigate your opinion, but Li’l Volt made his brioche for a dish in the microwave, too. And it was well received. I don’t know how or why, but clearly you can make a good piece of bread in the microwave.
Not to defend TurkeyHair too much, but he did say his mother took over his school’s lunch program. And considering what a hippy she was (Seriously, Marcel was born in 1980 and that picture with his mom looked straight out of 1970) I’m sure it was literally a lot granola and tempeh. But, like Tom, he has a soft spot about cooking for kids. Because they’re mama’s boys. Which is kind of sweet.
And now, to not defend TurkeyHair, he was such a little prat about the plums. Even though the plums were his responsibility (he’s shown working on them in the kitchen when Gayle’s whining about how perfect and happy Bronto-Boys are) I’m sure Angelo tried to talk to him and Marcel tried to P/A his way into not cutting the plums but Angelo, knowing the way of the P/A warrior just got Carla to do it when TH looked away. And pissed off or not at the time, cutting them was the right thing to do because they won. Based partly on balance of flavors AND PRESENTATION. He was just whining because he likely saw Angelo’s own school lunch episode and knew about the “saboteur” meme. But…if Angelo’s going to sabotage Marcel into wins, what is there to complain about?
Also, if one person was going to win, it would likely have been OranJello because watching Moonie make that dish, it is very clearly an OranJello dish. He’s the spice king of that trio and both the banana parfait and the maple syrup had Asiany goodness.
Finally, I wonder if Ripert convinced Jen to participate solely because he wanted to bow out of the season because he knew he’d want to kick Turtle’s ass five ways to Sunday and that’s a very un-Buddhist attitude? Because he takes some more shots at her in his blog this week, and harks back to her crap knife skills.
But I agree with him that it probably should have been Jamie. She did nothing. She had nothing to present. They tacked her on to Jen’s dish, but all she did was serve. If The Citrus One was going to lose by defaulting in the finale if he couldn’t cook, then Jamie should have defaulted out of the competition when she chose to get the stitches immediately instead of waiting until after service. She made the decision, she wasn’t sent by production. Leaving a challenge and not contributing anything should be an immediate disqualification.
It’s easy to act tough with the “duct tape the shredded remanants of your digit together and finish that garnish” when you’re sitting at home (and yeah, I know the cut wasn’t that serious) but there’s a health issue, too. I don’t want somebody leaking hemoglobin into my food, ya know? Plus, if you’re hurt, GO TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL. Daddy Tom isn’t going to give you a medal in 6 months when you find out you’ve got nerve damage.
In the scene where Jamie is telling Jen she’s going to the hospital, it’s quite obvious that the cut is small and the bleeding was under control. She has a tiny piece of gauze and some tape covering the injury. She very easily could have put on a glove and finished the challenge then gone to the emergency room. According to Tom’s blog, she made the decision to go immediately, not the on-site medical staff.
I seem to remember that Jen always took on too much responsibility so that when it came time for judging it was never about her cooking skills if something went wrong. I wasn’t surprised when she insisted that Jamie leave; it followed the same pattern. I think she entered the season already choking under the pressure. What an asshole her dad must be.
Also, I hate, loathe, and detest that satanic child in those car commercials too, and fear for our society if people really do buy cars out of respect for their offsprings’ opinion.
I totally think Jen went home for sassin’. Daddy has a habit of making lame excuses in his blog for his shitty judging decisions, and it’s no different this time. He makes the excuse for Turtle by saying that she has never had stitches before, so that had to be especially frightening for her. Please. She is a chef and she’s never had a cut worse than one requiring two stitches? Most people, let alone chefs, just let a two-stitch cut heal on it’s own.
I cannot believe Jen got sent home before Turtle. She didn’t do anything and couldn’t be judged? I think Jen was going to crack very soon anyway. She should have told the judges that with Jamie being gone, it screwed her royally and Jamie would be going home.
I was going to kind of root for Turtle, but after that episode, I hope she fails miserably and Jen rips her throat out at the reunion.
Go Beaker! Team Bitter Jen Forever!
I forgot to say that the recap was great J-Mo. I looked forward to it all last week.
I would’ve been a wreck after staying up all night working; but there’s also a rumor online that the next day Jen went to her grandmother’s funeral. Not sure if it’s true, but it would explain a lot.
However, I agree with the judges, her dish looked terribly disgusting.
My personal faves to win are Beaker and Gayle. Don’t know why I love him so much, except I love his story of being out of work and depressed before he was on Season 3 and he “learned to love cooking again.”
All in all, this season is fantastic and I am really enjoying the drama! (and J-Mo’s re-caps are the best!)
First, I would like to say that this will be my first post here, but I’ve been a long time reader of the Gasmii.
Second, I found Jen’s departure completely justifible for the simple fact that she vehemently defended a terrible dish. I’ve seen one or two go home for the same reason. Certainly her attitude may have been part of it, but she never once believed she may have made a mistake with her food. Defending crappy food seems to be a surefire way to get yourself booted.
Also about Jaime, I don’t know about injury history of anyone else who was eliminated due to an injury, but it might be in a contract clause that if you’re injured you have the right to seek immediate medical attention, blah blah blah, so it hinders the judges from eliminating someone for not participating because of it. Not sure, just saying it could be.
Still reading, but fvck, it’s so fvnny!!!!
J-Mo,
Reading your recap has been the BEST part of my day, hands down. Thanks for the tummy workout!
Personally, I think Turtle would have taken any excuse she could get to get out of a challenge that she had already decided was stupid. Do I think she cut herself on purpose? No. But I know plenty of guys that work in a kitchen and they would have seared that fucker on the flat top and kept right on going.
I’m sad to see Jen go, but holy cannoli did she lose it or what?!? I’m onboard with the thought that she could have avoided being sent home with a little less anger and lashing out at the judges.
Two more things: Apparently this season polenta=greek food. And…..were the red hots for someone’s MOMMY???!!?!?
Thanks again for the funnies! Love you!
SWAK, PottyMouth
“Two more things: Apparently this season polenta=greek food. And…..were the red hots for someone’s MOMMY???!!?!?”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Still not old.
@Tealea, I agree. Not being able to tell that your dish sucks is one of Daddy Tom’s cardinal sins. After watching Jen’s exit interview I wonder whether she knew she had made an uncharacteristically awful dish (which did sometimes to her in her season) but thought the other team’s concepts were so bad that they would be on the bottom and she could slide by. Then when her team lost instead she thought the judges were actually gunning for her because of her shitty dish. That’s the only reason I can see for her to keep saying there was “bullshit” in the judging process.
I hate Turtle and her complacent soups and scallops. I will applaud when she pulls out a scallop dish for the first time this season.
i’ve been all “team bitter jen” but…imo, she was sent home not for sass but because she defended a dish as “perfect” and “exactly the way i meant it to be”, when the judges unanimously agreed that it was BAD. she was given the chance to stay by simply stating that the dish suffered because turtie didn’t help–in that case the elimination would have been between did-NOTHING turtle, lunchtre (“your sauce RUINED the dish”), or lofatso and cheztiff for unsanitary unpleasant eggs. i’m also thinkin’ maybe bitter needed her “stash” (whatever it is: booze, dope, antidepressants?) from the penthouse–she sure was jumpy. any cheftestant who defends a dish as “perfect” when it is judged by all a failure will go.
in other recaps i’ve heard the charge of sexism because fabio (FABIAN! lol) called out bourdain last week and even implied fisticuffs. what the fabster said was criticize me, criticize my food but don’t make fun of me (unlike the first time they appeared, the all-stars now ALL have reputations even if the reputation is LOSAH of top chef).
i’ll miss her (very) twitchy bitterness, but jen was the right chef to go.
@Roger – I get the feeling with Fabio, he doesn’t like being embarrassed unjustly. Yes, his dish was bad, but Bourdain in his mind went overboard and it began to feel more personal than professional. And Fabio didn’t quite defend his dish to the length Jen did. Jen didn’t even believe her team should be in the bottom and couldn’t give a clear answer as to what was wrong with the other teams food. To me, it looks as though she acquired a big head, and one can’t sustain an ego if you’re ousted for bad dishes.
@ tealea–exactly. even tho i defended fabian’s rant (a little), what happened to good-naturedly snarky fabio. some of these people have gotten REAL big heads since their first seasons. on the other hand, i would love to eat at 10arts and bitter jen is probably fabulous at her job. maybe top chef isn’t the best showcase for her–maybe she’d do better with a minibrigade on ironchef.
@ Roger – Well, when you have fans screaming “UR SEASON WAS DA BEST!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!CANOT BELIEV U LOST!!!!!11!!” your head has the potential to grow to the size of a small planet. I think she was convinced she would be untouchable, at least for awhile.
J-mo, you are sooo clever!!! I guess I’m the only one that thought Jen’s roaring ego erupted and I’ll bet ya anything this year has more to do with how people handle their ego’s and less about cooking skills. That link to Elia was awful . .. . what benefit was that to her–laughing it off would have been a better approach. Is she jealous, outraged . . . anyhoo, I predict Blaze will go down in an epic ego explosion at some point too. Fabio is still fizzling since week one. Perhaps Marcell will flame out too. Weirdly, I think Pigshit, Turtle and Spike might out last some of the “ego events” coming up. I’m trying to make it fun to watch, and I know Jen was exhausted and all, but she was a major douche, and dropped of my list . . . but that’s just me, glad she hasn’t lost all of you. (and I have had a few of those blood curdling screaming events in my life, I just really try to keep that stuff to myself–I could have waited till the car.
I also think Daddy Tom has mastered some serenity to sit in the face of such disdain and not buy into it!
Can’t wait to thin it out a little so we can focus on Beeker and the Orange one more, they seem to have a quiet calm, and are perhaps waiting for all the drama to clear up to bring up their A game–I do know that Orangello is winning, but he’s just that good!
It should say off my list. And I also stand corrected. I hadn’t seen you TeaLea and Roger when I made my comment (I have to digest these slowly between jobs at work-so I don’t refresh till the end) but I so agree with you too. Welcome TeaLea!
@ juddfan – Thanks! Happy to be here. There have been so many times I’ve wanted to say something and just never signed up. Plus, gives me something to do when I’m at work.
@juddfan–at least 3 other people posted while i was trying to figure out what to say, SO…a person can only reply to so much. i think angelo has a bit of an advantage here because he was already in competition mode PLUS, even tho the DC season chefs mostly sucked, whenever they let them know money was on the line, orangelo WINS!
richard blais, whom i liked, is pretty douchy this time. turtle’s bad attitude is rubbing me very wrong, fabian has lost his charm, and cheztiff, whom i also liked a lot, gets real mean real fast.
one chef who has turned me around a bit is, hard to say it…asshat spike. he seems a better cook now. which brings me to another observation about TC’s editing of folks–season 5 stephan was a total arrogant badguy, then after bunnyfoofoo fucked carla he was SO sweet to her (“don’t cry, carla”), and in season 6 mvolt (michael voltaggio) was portrayed as the most arrogant tool god ever created but by the end i believed that his remarks were simply very funny and snarky and not really mean at all (and face it, mvolt CAN cook).
for the final–angelo, tiffany faison, and blais are REALLY good chefs, but blais is gettin’ tiresome.
i’d looove beaker to make the final. HOOTY HOO to all of you.
J-Mo, this is one of the bestest recaps you have ever done, and That’s Saying Something.
However, there were not enough shots of 1/2 nude Tre. You must rectify that (and he was the one D.Gale was talking about when he said the girls and their “body” guard.)
IMO, no funeral or lack of sleep could account for Jen’s totally irraitional behavior. She was rolling her eyes, making faces, snorting, couldn’t stand still. She was worse than Fleesa at JT. (Speaking of which, Son thinks Blaze is starting to look like a male Fleesa).
So anytime a chef is messing up in an elimination challenge and afraid of being sent home, all he or she has to do is nick a finger and safely glide through?
Why didn’t anyone think of this before???
“if some freeloading jobless little fuckwit ever calls me lame for not buying a cool $35,000 car, he’s going to find out how much cooler he looks carrying the $35 city bus pass”
LMFAO! best line ever J-mo and once more a hilarious recap- just what i needed after my helacios day at work!
LMFA
I was happy to see Bitter Jen go. She’s a total douche, and I couldn’t stand her during her season either. I agree with the majority of comments here that think she was sent home because she didn’t acknowledge that her dish was bad. I couldn’t believe the extent of her meltdown – couldn’t she at least keep it together while the cameras were still rolling? It made her seem unstable and incredible ENTITLED. Her uncontrolled rage should give Ripert pause to trust her in his kitchen with sharp objects. I wouldn’t want that woman brandishing any knives around me.
Anyway…. Great recap J-Mo. Thanks for providing me with a great distraction/outlet of procrastination – a place to escape from cramming for law school exams like a lunatic.
PS I’m totally rooting for Orangelo and Beaker. and maybe Gayle, as long as he distances himself from Bunny Foo Foo, who I personally think should be next to be eliminated because she is just a sucky human being and is always the first one to (to use the trite and overused reality TV phrase) – “throw someone under the bus.”
Sorry for spelling errors hard to post from phone or im just dumb i prefer the former
. Ty for the laugh i needed it! Ur tbe best! 
capples19 –
That’s what I was thinking too! What a convenient escape mechanism. Plus, what about last week with BlazeHawk when he went over the time limit? Wouldn’t that have been grounds for elimination (or at least sent in with the bottom three for a slap on the wrist) because he broke the rules? Haven’t there been tons of times where chefs haven’t been able to use a sauce they prepared because they couldn’t plate in time? Giving Blaze Hawk a free pass sets poor precedent. Plus, I can’t stand him and think he’s another entitled douche. I predict he’s ego will cause him to implode soon as well. Here’s hoping.
About my last comment, I realize BlazeHawk didn’t “realize” time had run out. I kind of find that hard to believe, given the fact that he’s a veteran of the show. I think he just didn’t care and thought feigning ignorance would get him out of it, and it worked.
I was really shocked about Jen”s elimination and further shocked by her attitude. The entire show she was so strung out. She seemed to need something; coffee, a cigarette, Xanax ? I have no clue, but agree with many of you that the Bitter Jen we thought we knew is not the one who showed up. And I think that Turtle (Turdle) was a
waste of space. A large part of the time she wasn’t even there, and when she was
there her attitude and comments were negative and unpleasant.
Great recap, J-Mo! I hate that little bastard in the mini-van too! Even though I am enjoying this season way more than last, I can’t wait for some of the asshats to go home. Still rooting for Tiffay F, Beaker and Angelo for the final! Hey, no kittie pic? What’s up with that?
Lots O’ Love
So many great comments–at least we have a hot one here!!!
Tea Lea-me too, I’m pretty much addicted!!!
I still like Chestiff, I hope she lasts through the thinning-I thankfully, at least never find her douchey.
Roger, I agree about Spike, he seems more down to earth-I had forgotten about the bathtub too, that was somewhat redeeming at the time.
J-Mo I think Dale was talking about Tre being the Spice Girls’ bodyguard. He can be my Kevin Costner anytime!
I concur juddfan! After perusing the comments, there’s nothing that can be said that hasn’t already been said except:
TEAM BEAKER, FTW!
1) I would like to know WHO at the mvsevm doesn’t know that the brontosaurus NEVER EXISTED! It’s an apatosaurus with the wrong skull on it! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brontosaurus
2) While I agree that turtle was a complete wuss, I would think the judges might be nervous about eliminating someone for seeking medical treatment, because it creates a situation where people are afraid to do so, even when perhaps it actually IS necessary.
LOVE THE RECAPS!
And now you all see why I have NEVER liked Bitter Jen. Even out of all of the toolbags asked back to this show (Ahem, Marcel) – I was the MOST disappointed to see her again. My husband and I have always called her “Ceveech” since she always pronounces “Ce-VEE-chay” without the “AY.” (Which for all I know, is probably the correct way to pronounce it, but that annoys me EVEN MORE.)
Also, can I say that the best gift I have received all Christmas is the fact that you are recapping this show, J-Mo. I look forward to it all week!!
She says it that way because that’s how Ripert mangles the word. It’s just something adopted in his kitchens.
ceveech! Hee!
ohemgee, for sure, Team Beeker all the way!!!!
@bccampbe – Initially I thought it was an acceptable, if not exactly fair, result but the more I think about it, I think the show should default any contestant who seeks off-site medical treatment and is unable to substantively participate in a challenge. Especially if that treatment is not immediately required.
In every individual sport, if a competitor is unable to participate he or she has to default. Those are just the breaks. But especially in this situation, Jamie was able to continue in the challenge she just chose not to. The penalty for walking away from a challenge should be disqualification. They still could have judged the remaining contestants and Jen still could have been eliminated for serving soggy bacon and dreary hard-boiled eggs, but Jamie should not have been permitted to return. Jen, Li’l Volt and Angelo have all competed when they were dog sick because they were under the impression that if they didn’t show up, they’d get disqualified.
Li’l Volt was running a fever of 103 when they did the Bocuse d’Or challenge, which is a worse condition than a booboo on a thumb, but he soldiered on. Jamie just gamed the system and won.
The show should address this in the future and let the competitors know upfront that if they are unable or choose not to participate, through no fault of production, they are disqualified.
Jamie was just being a little snot. She didn’t want to help out in a group challenge and this gave her an opportunity to get out of it. She made such comments earlier. The medic may have said, she “could” go have stitches if she wanted , not she “must” have stitches. Apparently most of the other chefs think she wussed out on Jen.
While I don’t think it was Jen’s sassing the judges that got her the boot, I do think her not copping to her dish being the absolute crap that they said it was did her in. I’ve actually been surprised in the past when they’ve let people slide who they’ve criticized but the chefs took their comments in thoughtful consideration not childish indignation. So, I think crap dish + refusal to believe in crappiness of dish = elimination. Sorry Bitter Jen. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
BTW, it’s taken me awhile (6 seasons – I missed the first), but in reading various comments by Tony Disdain and Daddy Tom, I’ve finally come to agree that TC is a game. It’s not a competition where the best chef necessarily comes out on top. Sometimes they do. But, sometimes a really good chef has a really sucky day and if they’re lucky maybe they’ll get some Gladware and Dove hand soap to take home.
I totally think they made the right decision to get rid of Jen. Seems the Bitter One carried a lot of that bitterness over from her season (making me dislike her immensely), but there were reasons her dish failed over the other “bad ones”:
- For the salmon, there were two components to the dish. Only the sauce was bad. According to all of the judges, both components on Jen’s dish were not good.
- For the frittattas, sure many of them were raw or overcooked. However, at least one of the four judges (Tom in this case) had well-cooked ones, and enjoyed them. 1/4 judges liked the frittattas. Apparently 0/4 judges liked Jen’s dish. So, she lost there.
Onto Jamie vs Jen. I don’t think the issue was “Jamie not helping”. By the time she left, the dish was fully conceptualized. If Jen thought that Jamie had bad ideas (if she had any at all — Type A that Jen is, do you REALLY think Jamie had a lot of input?), she could have changed them during execution. As became apparent during judging, Jen LOVED her dish (as disgusting as it appeared to the rest of us).
The judges have always eliminated the person that did the most “damage” to a dish. Whether Jamie was there or not, the dish still sucked. If there was something she didn’t do that caused problems (like if the component she was supposed to work on didn’t get completed, and THAT made the dish suck), then fine, eliminate her. But in this case, Jen caused the problems in the dish, and had the ability to correct them. Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to think they NEEDED correcting, which was her ultimate downfall.
Jamie’s inability to help with slicing the bacon did nothing to the end result. In fact, Jen was her own worst enemy THERE too, with her little “we’re all enemies” speech to her TEAMMATES (which would mean that most people would be more than willing to let her take the fall if the team was to lose).
Out of all of the cheftestants, it was her I most wanted to see do well (at the onset of the season, in addition to Blaise and Hooty), but it was her I was disappointed by the most.
@vallegirl — I have to disagree with your logic here.
Say that Jen’s dish WON. Would you say that Jamie should get the win, too? Or should she just get eliminated off the show because she went for medical treatment, even if the other team had been far worse?
That’s setting a dangerous precedent. Remember, this isn’t a sport — this is a food competition where people have to EAT what these people make, and telling people they’ll get eliminated for seeking medical care then becomes an issue of “so, what constitutes an injury that’s good enough”? I’m sure Bravo’s litigation department would LOVE that one.
Using L’il Volt, Fabian, and Orange Tang as examples also doesn’t fly. They CHOSE to stay in the competition because they still wanted to WIN, not because they were afraid they would LOSE. Jamie just didn’t want to go home, assuming that CrackDenJen would do well enough that she didn’t have to worry about it. Obviously, that didn’t happen.
I think that leaving for legitimate issues is valid (despite what they “tape it up” crowd thinks), but should lead to elimination in 2 cases:
- It’s apparent that the missing person contributed heavily to losing the challenge.
- It’s chronic behavior.
Neither of these were true in Turtle (no matter how much I dislike her smug face), and I think they sent the right person home.
(Also keep in mind that I don’t think that a person who leaves should ever WIN anything, even if all of the winning group only gets cookbooks, that person shouldn’t).
But you’re making my point for me. Judging the competitors should not rely upon hearsay. If they can’t point to anything Jamie did for the team to judge, then she gets disqualified. And Jen gets judged on the quality of her dish, good or bad.
“Being afraid to lose” is not a medical condition that needs immediate treatment off site in an emergency room. Her injury was cleaned and dressed and all she needed to do was put on a glove and she could have completed service. Hell, she could have left for the stitches after the bulk of the cooking was done and they’d moved to the outdoor location. She would have something to be judged on.
Instead, with a clean and dressed injury, but so early in the challenge that she hadn’t done anything yet, she makes the decision on her own to leave immediately. With her tiny little bandage. If she knew she’d be disqualified for making that decision, she’d have likely put on the glove and dealt with it, but since there’s no downside to quitting the challenge, she walked away with nary a thought about it.
The competitors always have the option to seek immediate medical treatment as needed. But if they know going in that there could be consequences, they are less likely to use it as an excuse not to be judged.
@LAC–during season 2, i could not understand why everyone so hated marcel and thought that all of the fools that attacked him should be forever gone. having seen turkeyhair in other situations since, i wonder that they had the restraint to not cut his throat.
The thing is that you keep saying that she “did nothing”… How do we know that? She might not have done MUCH, but that doesn’t equate to NOTHING. Apparently the judges thought it was enough.
She apparently helped to plan the dish, helped to prep some, and helped sometime later, toward the end. We don’t really know how much/long that was, because the editing monkeys like to rearrange stuff for drama.
So I guess what you’re saying is that anytime someone gets sick/injured in this competition, they should be immediately eliminated, whether or not they decide to get help.
Why? Because Bravo won’t want to deal with people deciding to stay (and prepare food) that could get them sued because they’re “afraid to leave”. CHOOSING to stay (because you want to win) is one thing, but being FORCED to stay (because you’ll automatically lose if you don’t) means that people will stay past reason, while they bleed all over the place, possibly risking the health of other people, as well as their own. There’s one helluva liability for you (think about how much the “guests” of the show would have loved to see the show, and see that an injured person was possibly contaminating the food they ate).
So, if they’re supposed to decide “what is injured/sick ENOUGH?”, Bravo/TC shouldn’t take that responsibility. It would be smarter to simply eliminate people right out of the gate. Temperature higher than 99 degrees? A wound that bleeds for more than 60 seconds? You’re OUTTA HERE!
I’m sorry one of your favorites got eliminated. She was also one of my early favorites, as well as the favorite of about 90% of everyone else. Her elimination was disappointing, to say the least, but it wasn’t wrong.
Here’s a little secret: TPTB don’t hate money. In fact, I’m fairly sure they like it (hence the constant shilling for Glad Bags). They wouldn’t eliminate a KNOWN fan favorite just for “drama” (remember, these aren’t new contestants. They already know who we want to see win), so they must have been crying just as much as we were when Jen got booted.
Unfortunately, the judges got it right, whether we like it or not.
@roger — I understood why everyone hated Marcel, but that didn’t mean they didn’t go too far.
The biggest reason I hated Elia, Ilan, Not That Guy, and Token Black Dude (I can NOT remember either of their names) is because after the crap they pulled, I wanted Marcel to win. And I didn’t WANT to want Marcel to win.
There is a big difference between a serious injury needing professional medical attention and Turtle’s little boo-boo. The line has to be drawn somewhere, and I think Turtle crossed it. She made a big deal out of a minor injury that I am betting ANY other contestant would have simply treated with a bandage and a finger cot. What’s next as an excuse for laying out? A minor headache? PMS? Ingrown toenail?
I say she did nothing because that’s what the judges said. I’m basing my opinion on what I saw on the show and what I saw were four people saying “Well, what do we do about Jamie since she didn’t contribute anything.”
And my point is, if she chose not to contribute, which she did, she should have been disqualified.
@jimbobjones–the season 2 cheftestants were the worst. lotsa drama, though.
I personally think that Jamie took advantage of a situation, used her injury as a strategy to avoid a competition she didn’t like, and perhaps would have been eliminated had BJ (Bitter Jen) not been such a bitch in front of the judges. It was BJ’s inability to get out of her own way and see what a disaster her dish had become that ultimately led to the team failure. Jamie will get hers later; she comes off as lazy, smug, and immature; not really taking any lessons from her last time on the show and probably losing the respect of her colleagues.
And, for those who say that Jamie helped “plan the dish” or “plate the dish” or whatever, as TC would say, “This is Top Chef, not Top Sous Chef.”
I almost forgot; Ugly Betty from Season 2 should have been on All-Stars. I wonder if she was an alternate? Or refused, since Marcel was going to be on?
As far as J-Mo suggesting a Season 2, I don’t think they have enough other All-Star worthy people that didn’t participate this time. TC: All Stars should be one and done, unless the show goes for another 8 to 10 seasons, a la Survivor, and does an All-Stars for its first few years and then All-Stars for the later years.
I’m pretty sure that if jen had shut her mouth 5secs earlier, turtle woulda been gone. She put that nail in her coffin the second she said that her dish WAS NOT whatever the judges were saying about it, which was the same as “i’m a better cook than you all, ur pallets are off, and i know more than every chef on the planet”, not so good,jen. Turtle was really immature for goin to get stitches,and the way she acted when she came back. She should have gone home because she CLEARLY made no hesitation to leave. She clearly doesn’t want to cook that bad, so bye. Pussy lesbo of the year. She looks super-rough too, but my money is on spike reguarding odvious drug use of some kind. Jen took top chef a wee bit too seriously and needs a xanax. Marcel is a tool, but i’m honestly so entertained by how severely he bothers the other chefs, and he is one of the better chefs, so he’s one of my favs. Fabio is off in personality moreso this season, and i suspect a drinking problem. Stephen is the most unbearable chef to watch,and i heart the tiffanis.And my girl carla had better cook her ass off cuz i want her in the finals! Tiffani’s random misconception of the challenge was hilarious and i’d love to know how exactly she missed the boat. Ugh. I’m rooting for some form of dale/marcel douche-off this season.Are the Gods that kind?
And btw-im a paramedic, and lets not catagorize a serious medical event with a slightly deeper papercut, guys. The gauze/tape controlls any bleeding (if there is much/any), and a rubber glove is absolutly adequate infection control. Did she come to top chef all stars to cook,or not? She didn’t spend one second even pretending to ponder a decision, or ask around for real. She dipped with a quickness and it was not the behavior of someone who came to win. Reguardless of how it affected or didn’t affect a dish, she completely behaved in a way that appeared as a total unmotivation for the competition altogether. She was tired, and just “over it”, so she tapped out to get out of the challenge.she should not have been disqualified, but definitly out of the competition. No liability,guys.
JimbobJones-so agree the producers were sad.
Tamitha-So agree the outburst was the nail in the coffin! Love your opinions and your drug analysis was fascinating!
I think Jamie was like-I am soooo not staying up all night!
Well, late to the party, but this is a great season. I was rooting for Jen, but she really did seem to lose it. Just looking at the dish, I knew it was bad, soggy bacon….disgusting.
Regarding Turtle’s cut, I have to say I agree with the cast and I can relate. I’m no professional chef, but have done catering and such here and there. About 2 months ago, I was sharpening one of my favorite knives (rod sharpener, only way to go) and my hubs came in yapping about something and broke my concentration (which God knows is limited to begin with!) and I loosened my grip on the knife just enough to send it flying into the air. I tried to get out of the way, but it came crashing into my left thumb, flaying it to the bone just below the knuckle. And I do mean FLAYING it. Blood everywhere, hubby freaking out. I’ve had my share of cuts in the kitchen, but it was really bad. He wanted me to go the the ER and get stitches but I refused (we had company coming for dinner), I collected my wits, calmed him down and told him to wash it out, sterilize it, and tape that fucker up. Within 10 minutes (and at least one glass of chugged wine) later, I was back to prep. Dinner went off without a hitch, but with a good story! I do have minor nerve damage, but I fail to see how a trip to the ER would have prevented it. Crap, the stitches would have hurt even more!
Forgot to add, I hate Marcel even more now than S2! You’d think he’d seen himself and gotten a clue and/or done some growing up. God what a douche. Also eagerly awaiting Pigshit’s departure too.
There’s a lot of Dung 2.0 hate out there, but I don’t mind him, he can get histrionic at times, but not nearly as douchy to the core as some others. And he seems to have mellowed since his season, unlike others who have done just the opposite.
I still heart the Citrus One
roger, I know – I was mildly sympathetic about marcel, only because of the douchepoolza that season 2 was after a while. But he has learned nothing, zero maturity, and is an asshat. Even Tiffani and Stephen Aspirino grew up! As Job from Arrested Development would say…”C’mon!!”
LAC – “douchepoolza” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I absolutely despise Jamie. I really hope she’s next to go. I hated her in her original season, I hate her even more now. I don’t much care for Jen (arrogant, conceited b***h) but she didn’t deserve to go