Minicap: Top Chef Seattle

Top Chef

By J-Mo | Thursday, November 22, 2012 | 2:31 am | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hey ‘Gasmii, Happy Turkey Day! Or as the ancient Mayans called it: America’s Last Meal. I hope everybody is doing exactly what my BF and I are doing… which is a) not cooking, and b) not hosting, which means c) we will be going to another family member’s house where we will most likely d) get drunk and complain, and maybe e) stir up some old shit that could f) start a fight, which doesn’t end until g) someone is crying, or h) law enforcement is called in…

Roseanne Thanksgiving Laurie Metcalfe Aunt Jackie Top Chef 1003 00
in my family, this is how we know it’s time for pie and coffee

Oh, and i) we will probably steal all the leftover stuffing… anyhow, even though it’s a holiday throughout most of the nation today, there was still a new episode of Top Chef Seattle last night, and it was Thanksgiving-themed! That must have been really fun for the chefs when they filmed this back in July. The QuickFire challenge involved the chefs having to make dumplings from allll over the world, which they did by plucking knives off of a big magnet-board that had the names of various countries on them…

01 Carla Pellegrino Gets Stabbed To Death Top Chef 1003 01
and then Mouthy Carla got accidentally stabbed like five or six hundred times

KIDDING, I think those knives were just made of cardboard for exactly that reason. In any case, some of the chefs wind up being assigned dumplings that are right within their comfort zone, and others are not so lucky (one chef actually thought Kazakhstan was a fictional country entirely made up by Sacha Baron Cohen!). And of course, one chef doesn’t even get their dumps onto a plate, so they miss out on immunity! Also unbelievable? Is who wins. Really unbelievable.

The Elimination Challenge is where these brand new Seattlers find out that they are being split up into two teams, one being assisted by Daddy Tom, and the other by Emeril La Gassy, and they’re making their own version of Thanksgiving dinner, one Creole, and one Italiano. It was here that I noticed that perhaps somebody at Whole Paycheck Market must have pissed off the Magical Elves, because again they are ‘shopping’ out of the Top Chef Pantry. I don’t mind not seeing scenes of chefs zooming around an overpriced store hitting innocent people in the ankles with shopping carts, but I do kinda miss the epic Meat Counter Meltdowns™. Oh well, you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone. It’s even better when you realize that what’s gone wasn’t really that great to begin with.

Back to the show, Hater-Tots has been keeping his shit together fairly well, but he is ass-kissing the judges so hard I’m afraid he’s going to ruin his palate. Mouthy Carla is also being her usual self…

02 Carla Pellegrino Looking Sexy Top Chef 1003 02
hot, but insane

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J-Mo
About

J-Mo is a great big fat hairy homo (and he tends to be attracted to the same) who lives with his big fat non-hairy BF in the Valley Of The Sun, a.k.a. Phoenix, Arizona. By day he is an account manager for a giant corporate megaconglomerate and his greatest joy comes from not having to speak directly to the general public any more... also, he can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never never let you forget you're a man.  By night (when he's not recapping) he is a co-choreographer (and the Fattest Backup Dancer In Captivity™) for one of Phoenix's most talented female impersonators known as Devina Ross.  He is also still a part of the Rhythm Nation.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    MsMmm MsMmm
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 11:51 am

    That is the exact description of my Thanksgiving (minus the law enforcement I hope) LOL.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  2. 2
    Parisi LaRoe Parisi LaRoe
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Happy Thanksgiving J-Mo! I an thankful for you on this site, your recaps, and your kitty porn. Good luck with the ornaments. Between my son, cat, and puppy, we have a total of 2 that weren’t broken by Christmas. That is what you get used to when, at the time, said baby, cat, and puppy were 3 and younger.

  3. 3
    TalldrinkofH2O
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Courtesy of a psycho ex-husband and literally fleeing the state of the then-marital home with whatever I could stuff into my Xterra (to include 2 cats), I didn’t have any old breakable Xmas tree ornaments when I set up house again. With the kitties as a known, I then purchased unbreakable ornaments – some metal, some plastic, some woven. If you look around, J-Mo, you can find pretty cute non-breakable tree ornaments and then everyone is happy.

  4. 4
    JimbobJones
    Posted November 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    I can’t say I was surprised by who went home, even based on last week. Disappointed? Yes. But not surprised.

    If you think hard about it, that person would have undoubtedly been hosed last week if their team hadn’t saved them.

  5. 5
    brzysmom12
    Posted November 24, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    Your kitty porn crotch shot is giving Mouthy Carla a good run for her money. It’s one thing to have helium balloons look pretty good upside down but having a body covered with hair laying out spread eagle for all to see and look better than you … something to worry about maybe.

    Happy late Thanksgiving to you and yours J-Mo.

  6. 6
    lindaw205
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 6:09 am

    I’m really disliking Hater tots. A lot.

  7. 7
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    I’ve given up on Top Chef, but I’m still defenseless against the gift of tastefully wrapped boobs. (Thank you, J-Mo. You shouldn’t have.)

    I take it that seeing this Carla chick in action would probably kill the appeal?

  8. 8
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Notwithout, if you could mute Carla pre and post coital, I imagine that she is bearable.

    Hateration grows on hater-tots, who not only is the expert on the bleedin’ obvious (“If your dish is bad, you will get eliminated.” – no, really?) but is bordering on the Marcel level of unlikeability (the sort that brings a smile to your face with the image of him being chased off a cliff )

    J-Mo, hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving, full of food, family, and angry words muttered under breaths… thank you for the kitty porn. Oh yeah, those two will be helping you. Be sure to put soft or nonbreakable ornaments on the bottom part of tree.

  9. 9
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Hope everyone had a great holiday!!! I got a little zippy with the episode, figuring the magnificent J-mo would fill me in on the kitchen happenings. I’m not even sure who Hater-tots is!?

    On a decorating note, I just do a really small tree and keep it out of reach of kitties (I know, a fictional place, hee . . . ) I prefer lots of lights for decoration anyway!

    ; )

  10. 10
    Khakie
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    I haven’t seen many episodes from season 2 tc and I’ve only read the recaps which started partially through season teo, but I’m watching Marcel on iron chef redemption and I like him! I haven’t seen too many episodes or his original IC season and maybe that’s why, but I find Spike as insufferable as ever! Then again I love Stefan so that may explain something… Or maybe I should actually watch the shows. The recaps are so much more entertaining!

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