Minicap: Top Chef Texas

Top Chef

By J-Mo | Thursday, February 23, 2012 | 8:49 am | 18 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hey ‘Gasmii, welcome back to Top Chef Texas By Way Of Canada With A Side Order Of Asians! It’s getting really hard to write these without giving away any spoilers, so I’m going to take commenter RazzBeth’s suggestion and post some very revealing information about tonight’s episode… just highlight the space in between the stars underneath LaToya to discover one of the disturbing secrets we learn in tonight’s episode…

**** GroanyBooger did not finish high school…
which partially explains why she acts like that ****

There has also been a lively debate going on about whether or not coming to Canada was a weird random thing, or if it held any logic to it in terms of the show. Well, I still feel like it’s the former, and some of you feel like it’s the latter, but tonight we are also told that Vancouver has the highest population of Asians outside of Asia…

welcome to the New Canada… good thing there’s a lot of room in this country

Well last week we were treated to random Olympic athletes, and this week the chefs are forced into a tiny kitchen at a Chinese Restaurant for their QuickFire Challenge. Three alumni of Top Chef Masters show up (A Chinese lesbian, a Japanese dude, and an Indian from India) and the task is to team up with one of our Final Three to make an Asian dish in 40 minutes. The catch is that they are forced to switch off every ten minutes without being able to explain to their partners what they’re doing with the food. Winner gets $20,000.00 and a huge headache. Once again, we’re led to believe that someone did really badly, but then they amazingly come around and snag the win. And here’s another secret: **** it’s not TexAsian, he just does really badly and loses ****

Once that next step on the Staircase To Random™ has been made, the Elimination Challenge is revealed to have a theme… of fire… and ice…

sadly, it isn’t as hot (or cool) as this

Our chefs are tasked with making a single dish that incorporates this wacky theme, as well as being forced to come up with a cocktail that also simulates flames and icicles. And although they spent the first fifteen minutes with Canada’s Asian Heritage blaring in our faces, we now completely leave that behind and go find the nearest Whole Paycheck Market so that GroanyBooger can make some more pasta (yawn) and Mousy can make yet another halibut dish (zzzzz) and TexAsian gets to create lobster carnage right before our very eyes. Oh yeah, and we get a repeat commercial for the hotel chain, complete with the exact same interior photos of their room that we saw in the last episode…

they might as well have had a commercial for this shit while they were at it

It is interesting to watch the dynamic in the kitchen, where TexAsian has his head down and is just doing his thing, while GroanyBooger and Mousy play Laverne & Shirley the whole time, giggling and key-keying about how great it is that they are there and Bore-verly is not. What? Did you think GroanyBooger’s Vow of Niceness™ extended anywhere beyond the words leaving her mouth? Bitch, please. In the end, one of the chefs makes a major mistake (at least in Gail’s eyes) and another one makes a minor one (that seems to be major in Daddy Tom’s eyes) and then one of them gets sent home… **** really? did you think I would really put the name of the ousted chef in here? Shame on you, now you must wait for the full recap, LOL! ****

Check back in a few days for the full recap… which I must warn you now is going to be a little later than normal as I am going to Hollywood this weekend for my birthday and to hang out with Flipit at the Oscars! Okay, we’re going to be at a hotel behind the Kodak Theatre, but still, we’re gonna be hanging out with some of the recappers and talking some shit about the stars, how they’re acting, who they’re banging, what they’re wearing…

and if my dreams come true, someone (hopefully Meryl Streep) will bring this look back

love, J-Mo :)

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J-Mo
About

J-Mo is a great big fat hairy homo (and he tends to be attracted to the same) who lives with his big fat non-hairy BF in the Valley Of The Sun, a.k.a. Phoenix, Arizona. By day he is an account manager for a giant corporate megaconglomerate and his greatest joy comes from not having to speak directly to the general public any more... also, he can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never never let you forget you're a man.  By night (when he's not recapping) he is a co-choreographer (and the Fattest Backup Dancer In Captivity™) for one of Phoenix's most talented female impersonators known as Devina Ross.  He is also still a part of the Rhythm Nation.

18 Comments

  1. 1
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Happy birthday J-Mo! Who takes care of the kitties while you are basking in the bright lights of H’Wood?

    Come back rested and full of lovely snark.

  2. 2
    kczar
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Have a happy birthday, J-Mo! I hope you guys are going to do a podgasm on the Oscars. That shit would be funny!

  3. 3
    Brigitte
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Happy Birthday J-Mo! I was so exited to finally log on to get your mini-cap, the words: Oh, thank God, actually came out loud! Staff has been looking at me side-eyed since then:)

  4. 4
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    J-Mo!! You are so funny. I hope you and Flipit do an Oscar show video recap like there was for the Super Bowl. “Billy Crystal is hosting…boo…oh, there’s Brad…he’s hot…they’re giving out small naked men…hugs!!”

  5. 5
    Jessi
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Happy Birthday, J-Mo! Looking forward to the recap and all the Hollywood dirt when you get back!

  6. 6
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Love the idea of a Ho’wood podgasm. What fun, and put you guys to work. All play and no work… oh wait.

  7. 7
    Viane Slice
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Looking at this episode gave me an idea for the recap title: Top Chef Texas: Where’s the Salt??? That’s all I’m sayin’….

  8. 8
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Happy Birthday, J-Mo!!! Hope you have lots of fun and COCKtails!! Loved the hidden messages!

  9. 9
    Fan-Ann
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Many happy returns J-Mo! I hope your celebration is perfect and that your birthday wishes come true.

  10. 10
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    So this episode was sponsored by Morten’s and Fiji Water

  11. 11
    brzysmom12
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    For the spoiler police, don’t read any further – fair warning! One of the winners is… J-Mo! Happiest of birthdays and nothing but fabulosity for the upcoming year! You will be having a fantastic weekend – I can see that already. You, Flipit and the rest of your gang are going to have so much fun! Would love to be a fly or at least a Dorito chip or a margarita (whatever form of liquid fire) in the room there. Oh and great job on having to be oh so incredibly vague on the mini cap. As usual, extremely well done!

  12. 12
    2muchbravo
    Posted February 23, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Happy Happy Birthday J-Mo Darling! Have a wonderful time trashing the Oscars ;-)

    Seriously MrsMiaWallace! Surprised Mousy didn’t yell, “Hey Texasian would you like a Fiji water?” when she opened up that fridge.

  13. 13
    RazzBeth
    Posted February 24, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Happy Birthday, J-Mo!!!!!!!!! And I love the hidden spoilers. It was like looking for Easter eggs. I found a blue one!!!!

  14. 14
    sheesh
    Posted February 24, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Have a Happy Birthday!
    I lurve Pat Benatar!

  15. 15
    mojojojo
    Posted February 24, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Happy Birthday J-Mo!!!! I too loves me some Pat Benatar, hope you have a wonderful time and Thank You for all your awesome recaps!

  16. 16
    Rebecca Fialkowski
    Posted February 24, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Happy Happy Birthday to you!! that sounds like an absolutely fabulous weekend! I am so jealous – i hope you have a wonderful time and may all your wishes come true! :)

  17. 17
    Lisco
    Posted February 25, 2012 at 6:01 am

    Happy Birthday, J-mo!!! Hope you have a great birthday weekend!!!

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 28, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    OMG we sound like a bunch of “Jinx! Owe me a Coke” ers, but here goes…Happy birthday J-Mo!

    Those hidden messages were awesome, btw. Oh, and bad J-Mo for the last one, LOL. Love!

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