This week on Top Chef, it’s Restaurant Wars, babay!
We open with Hosea sitting on the balcony with Stefan. He says that they’re half way done now and Stefan is his competition. LOL. I give Stefan credit for not laughing his ass off at that one. It’s gonna be pretty hard to take down the potato man. Unfortunately, he won’t be going home. We know this because Rad is texting on the Sidekick of Doom. Dammit. I am going to miss her dead person sheen and her witty banter and her….I should have just stopped at dead person sheen.
Dear Mom, please have my casket ready when I get home and my eye mask in the freezer.
Beaker knows the truth. She says that Possible Stalker Leah and Hosea threw Scari under the bus and that at this point in the game it’s not about what they cook. “It’s psychological warfare!” Beaker’s innocence is adorable. I am sure she would be a little bit more prepared for what a reality show would entail if she had spent more time on her ass watching them and less time playing Hootie Hoo in grocery stores with her husband and having tea parties with Ronda and Juanita, her spirit guides.
We’re timed. Like every week! And there are always lights on! And I have to wear a microphone!
Outside, Stefan asks Hosea what he’s gonna do when he gets home. “Go see my girlfriend”. Cue Leah with a brick and a razor. “I mean to break up with the whore.” Leah puts down the brick but wraps the razor in her ponytail and watches him sweat. And grow a boner. Fabio comes out and says “Scariana gotta throwna under da buzzo con queso” and then throws some kind of Italian hand slapping/pointing curse at Hosea and Leah. Love him right now. I hope he uses that wacky confrontational energy and puts it into whatever ravioli he makes today. Possible Stalker Leah tells us that she feels like crap because of how things ended with Scari. No you don’t! Somewhere in Jersey, Scari is crying on the couch while her husband makes her a watermelon salad and her kids spray tan every inch of her.
You a weel be bald!
When the chefs arrive at the No Kitchen’s as Good as a Kenmore Kitchen, Scar is waiting for them with this week’s guest. Dammit this guy looks familiar. I pause and stare at his face for awhile to see if I can get it, and I can’t. It’s making me crazy. Scar tells us that it’s one of the most successful restauranteurs evah by the name of Stephen Starr, but I know that’s not right. He looks into the camera and it hits me. How could I not recognize one of my favorite celebs? It’s Dame Edna out of drag! Not that she’d admit it. You’re secret’s safe with me, girl!
“If you’re successful as a woman, they assume there’s a man involved. It’s tragic.”
I am glad to hear the Dame has found a life out of showbiz. Comedy’s great and all, but it doesn’t really pay the bills. Sorry. Projecting. Dame being one of the most prolific restauranteurs of all time means that today is the Restaurant Wars Challenge!!! YAAAYY!!! It’s like real war! It’s severely underfunded, it’s really bloody, and “real people” who know nothing about it spout off their opinions of it all day long like anyone cares.
The Dame tells them that a restaurant isn’t just about the food, it’s also about the design, the service, the ambience, and the concept. And please don’t forget a decent kids menu that you can color on or your four year old niece will run around everywhere screaming her head off and throwing sugar packets at people. Sorry. Can you tell I’m visiting family? Fabio is excited for this challenge, because “Eeen loave aynd een warr, you add allow to do aynyteeng.” He’s taken President Bush’s exact interpretation. Fucking up old sayings is really dangerous, because then other people learn them and all the rules change. Fool me once…you’re not gonna fool me again.
They have thirty minutes to make a concept dish that will show off what they will do if they win. There will be no immunity, but the top two dishes will be the team captains. Which means it will be their asses on the line and if their team loses they will be at the top of the list for elimination. This prize sucks worse than the book Rocco’s mom wrote.
Go is called and everyone runs around. Fabio can’t get the fridge doors open. Maybe you’re thirteen and my mom padlocked them so you won’t be a two hundred and sixty pound adult. Nice try! Like me, he got that shit open. Unlike me, he didn’t devour six boxes of thin mints right after. Hosea wants to open a seafood restaurant in real life, so he figures he’ll use that in this challenge.
Don’t forget the potatoes.
Prettyish tells us that when you open a restaurant, you have to look at your clientele. “This is me, this is my cuisine.” The problem is, he has no defined personality. Sure enough, he doesn’t really come up with a theme. “I can sell anybody anything. It’s perfect American fare, it’s a winning dish.” Huh? Somehow, this deep thinking led him to salmon.
He grabs about thirty things off the shelves and then runs around the kitchen really fast so it looks like he’s doing something.
I will find a way to plate half an hour of cardio and make a million dollars.
Possible Stalker’s snapper smells like ass, so her restaurant concept is going to be “The Morning After…Will He Call or Will I Start Following His Wife Around?” Seriously though, how many people are going to make seafood? When the chefs start to dwindle, it usually gets exciting to see the real creative talent emerge. Anyone? Fabio thinks that the lunch diner is overlooked for the most part, so he’s making a soup, salad and sandwich plate. Glad to see him cutting tuna, because it would be a shame if anyone actually broke the mold and stood out. Jamie the Ninja Turtle sees no reason to try to win this thing either, because she knows the leader in Restaurant Wars has a really good chance of going down. So she makes fish over corn. OY. She’s made corn soup, chicken cutlets with corn, corn salad….Jesus woman. Enough with the corn. Leave it to Turtle to find away to hack apart one of America’s finest all natural phallic symbols every time she gets a chance. Someone get her a girlfriend.
Scar calls time and she and Dame approach Beaker, who gets a delicious look in her eyes. “Aren’t you…?” Dame pulls off her glasses right away and speaks in as low a voice as possible. Ronda and Juanita remind her that this is a competition and she gets on with it. She wants to make a New American restaurant with seasonal rustic ingredients. She’s made cod seared in tomato oil with tomatoes and mache salad. I love you Beaker, but YAWN. Dame wants more salt, and as she leaves, adds “I’m trying to find a word to describe what you’re wearing… affordable.”
Juanita told me the gold hoops would be too slutty.
Hosea made shrimp with morel, mushroom cream sauce and garlic potato puree, which Dame seemed to like. Hosea isn’t sure though. “I don’t think he liked my concept.” Your one word concept was revolutionary, dude. “Seafood”. I’m sure you’ll win. Possible Stalker wasn’t sure on what to make when her snapper was bad, so she just put together one of those rubber fake vomit gag gifts. As the Dame once famously said, “People can’t hit you, can they, when they’re laughing.” Dame loves a good joke. She’s gonna win.
There will be a fart cushion on every seat in Leah’s restaurant.
Well, at least she didn’t make fish. Dame thinks it’s tasty, which makes Leah run and hug Hosea. And then I make her dish right on my living room floor.
Stefan would open a EurAmerican restaurant, which means he would take the old of Europe and blend it with American. That somehow led him to make trout and asparagus soup. Boredom is multicultural, fo sho. Prettyish doesn’t have a theme. He just took whatever looked good, in this case a filet of salmon and artichoke puree. This is not a concept. It’s a fucking piece of grilled fish. Are these people joking? Dame doesn’t look thrilled, so Prettyish takes off his shirt. I thought that would win it for him, but all Dame has to say is “for some reason it’s a little mushy.” Oh, snapple!
But I’m Pretty!….ish!
Rad says that she’s Indian, but she would go for a global theme. What’s more global than a filet of fish? Every country represented on this show’s made it today. The twist on her cod is the addition of chorizo. Scintillating. As Dame gets closer to Jamie, she gets that “I WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH!!!” look in her eyes and excitedly describes her Chilean sea bass over creamed corn. Dame, happy that she didn’t out him, compliments her simplicity and as he walks away, adds “This double chin was grafted onto me, in Brazil. It belonged to Elizabeth Taylor. It was her left love handle.” Wink.
Fabio made tuna and swordfish carpaccio, roasted veggie salad and a filet mignon sandwich with cheese, which the Dame calls cheesesteak. LOL. He’s not impressed, and adds that it’s too salty.
I a forgot a to make my accent theeker.
Fabio is offended that his sandwich was called cheesesteak, which is beaooyfool. So basically there was only one chef in this quickfire that didn’t make fish, and that was only because she had to come up with a plan b. Weak, chefs. Weak. So the competing restaurants tonight will be seafood against seafood. I predict Jamie will win, because she has the most experience in fish on fish combat.
Dame calls Prettyish out for being boring and Fabio for being uninspiring. The top is Rad, because the global cuisine is NOW. His second choice is Leah, because no one has ever served him rubber vomit before and one thing the country could use right now is laughter. I was kidding before when I said he would vote for the biggest joke, but turns out I’m kinda psychic like that.
That belt? Totally thinning.
Time to pick teams. Rad picks Turtle and Leah picks Hosea. Not because she’s a stalker and doesn’t want him on another team talking to other humans with ginas, but because their partnership worked out really well last week. God this chick’s a tool. Rad takes Beaker and Prettyish, and Leah takes Fabio and gets stuck with Stefan. The fact that the best chef was chosen last says a lot about this season. Stefan smiles, proud to be last, which makes me like him. I am sure it will pass, so I just press pause to really soak in it and see what it feels like.
For some reason, I’m suddenly craving eggs.
They have today to shop for decor and tomorrow to do food. Rad’s team decides to call their restaurant Sahada, which means “just because I’m Indian doesn’t mean I’m gonna be answering your call when you need help with your Blackberry.” No one wants to do front of the house, and you can’t really blame them. Beaker slides by by reminding everyone that she has little to no restaurant experience, Turtle doesn’t even offer, and Prettyish tells us “I’m here to cook.” Then do it. You just made a grilled piece of salmon, you ass. And it was mushy. George Foreman could beat you. Instead of just assigning it, Rad takes it on herself. Sidekick.
Over on team Leah, which is going to be Asian, the front of the house is no problem at all. Knowing he’s there pretty much on charm alone, Fabio jumps all over that shit. Hosea is glad that he will be in the front because it will minimize the “Fabio and Stefan show”. The Stefan half of that show is gonna win this challenge for you, tiger, so just zip it. Unless, of course, you’re ready to work some potato magic. I’m sorry. I’m having trouble letting it go.
Not much time is spent on the decor shopping, thankfully. Stefan learned from past RW mistakes and found as many unscented candles as possible, and Fabio picked out a rug that is probably the same rug in Fran Drescher’s bedroom.
Da Nanny ees beauooteeful.
Back at the apartment, menu planning is underway. Stefan, of course, is taking charge and talking over Leah and Hosea, which I love. He says “it has to be small, tiny and sexy” and Leah whines “i know! That’s how I do my foood!” LOL. A. No it’s not, and B. hahahahaha. Stefan tells us that planning is a democracy and everyone has “a bullshit input”, meaning he’s trying to work with them. But in reality, he’s so not. And I love it. In his opinion, Possible Stalker is young and needs a couple of years of ass kicking to be a good chef. To prove him wrong, when he makes a suggestion she gets up passive aggressively, mutters “I don’t wanna talk to you”, and pouts in a corner. Way to lead, PS!
Over on team “Just Because I’m Indian Doesn’t Mean I’m Gonna Belly Dance For You”, Turtle has taken charge, which is just fine by Rad. Beaker is non committal and doesn’t really have any ideas, because global’s not her thing. Finally, she just gets assigned dessert, and she says she can make some sorbets. I am worried for her. On a sidenote, we learn why Prettyish insists on wearing the moppy haircut of a 60′s beat poet. He’s gonna look like Stefan within five years.
Grow it while you got it, girl!
Hosea and Leah sit together and talk about how mean Stefan is and whiney whine wine. And a wine. Get wasted, Leah. You’re gonna need it. You both will when Stefan kicks your asses. Then the most horrifying scene of the entire series. Worse than the offal challenges. Bomchickawowow music plays, and then I feel my penis invert into a reverse boner that really hurts my lower back. I’m suing Bravo.
Please use a condom.
You guys too.
The morning after, Hosea tells us that he regrets making out with Possible Stalker because just before he came on the show he and his girlfriend bought an adorable bunny that they’d like to keep living. Leah regrets it too. Riiiiiiiight. They’re all tense and fifth grade about it, which makes their team uncomfortable. Now you know how PDA makes everyone else feel, Fabio and Stefan. This team is like the double date from hell. I know that ugly people fuck to, I just don’t want it on my TV. That’s what the internet is for.
The chefs jump into their Hondas and are impressed with all the features. Money well spent, HONDA. They are split up into pairs. Prettyish and Turtle are together. Prettyish makes spit bubbles while Turtle bosses Rad and Beaker around over the Sidekick of Doom. Stefan and Hosea are together, and Stefan comes up with the name Sunset Lounge. Hosea tells us “we” came up with a great name, and then adds that no restauranteur in the history of the Earth has come up with such a solid restaurant idea in twenty four hours. Uh-huh. I guess this is the wrong time to tell you that there’s a Sunset Lounge in every city in America and they mostly consist of microwave food, lots of cheap liquor, and Papaws picking up hoookers. Idiot.
While shopping, Hosea is looking for ahi and tells the clerk “you know, for like carpaccio”. If the clerk had seen today’s quickfire challenge he would know, because Fabio made that. Glad to see the originality theme going through the whole episode. Consistency. You know what else is consistent? My love for the editors. I will let them describe the team menus while I go outside and smoke.
Dammit!! Look at what the dvr did to the “Just Because I’m Indian Doesn’t Mean I Have a Hairy Butt Crack” Menu!!
Dammit. Ah well, whatever is served with the baklava will be a surprise. I ain’t typing it. And I wonder what deepness the tranny has for us this week.
More Hosea and Possible Stalker drama. And by drama, I mean uzu is said a lot while dramatic electric guitars play. Hosea’s all “how do you want the fish cut?” and Leah’s all “uhh…square.” Pout. THE INTENSITY!!! She finds that there are bones in their cod and can’t get them cut out. Hosea tells us that she’s under a lot of pressure because “if our restaurant fails, it’s her fault”. Damn. She must have tasted like gingivitis and snapper ass last night. The tides have turned really fast.
Beaker is in charge of the chocolate cake and the frozen yogurts on her team, and her yogurt isn’t setting properly. She looks to Ronda and Juanita for their help, but they’re enthralled by all the bone drama going on over on the other side of the kitchen. Poor thing. I don’t like it when bad things happen to Beak, because even when she’s feeling bad, she still makes time to try and make Leah feel better.
Stefan is in charge of desserts, too, and he’s having the same problem with the crap freezers. He doesn’t rely on spiritual crap though, because he only worships himself. And lesbians. He spends his time coming up with a solution. He puts everything on ice and then freezes it. I hope Beaker sees that shit, because I don’t want her to go home. With an hour left, Rad comes back to the kitchen dressed all perty to find Beaker freaking out over her desserts. Beaker wants an opinion. Rad tastes the cake and says it’s fine, refusing to make any kind of decision. Wait. She’s making one. My bad.
This one’s good, but I want to be as informed as possible. Open a few more bottles.
Fabio’s gotten all dressed up too. Yikes. Save some grease for the fryer, dude.
I gotta Rolecks I coulda sell you for chep.
His white suit is blinding enough that people won’t even notice the food. “We coulda serve monkey ass in a clowna shale and we weel ween!” That will be the title of his first cookbook. And now it’s time for judging!
C) I’m still waiting for my penis to come back out.
Diet Dr. Pepper, now with sweat. Yum.
You should have. She coulda used the trip to the doctor.
Both teams did a good job with the interiors. It helps that they’re in a gorgeous space this year and not in a warehouse, like usual. Both places look exactly the same, but Fabio gets extra tacky points for the giant wicker couches he uses. It’s hard to fault him though, because the poor guy bought a Drescher rug and a white suit. Team Just Because I’m Indian Doesn’t Mean I’m Gonna Force Feed You Naan starts with whole wheat way too thick naan. Whole wheat? Way to kill naan. Rad’s gonna get her ass stoned when she gets home. Daddy Tom thinks that it tastes like it needs maple syrup, but Scar likes it, admittedly because she and Dame just shared some purple urple in the Honda on the way over.
Rad seems to be doing a good job in the front. Ok maybe not. Well, she’s not going catatonic like last week, at least, which is a step forward. Back in the kitchen, though, Turtle’s getting pissed because Bravo sent over some busboys to serve as waiters. Bitch, you ain’t tippin. She yells at one for not holding a plate straight, which makes him shake like a leaf. Turtle should not be dealing with the staff.
Please don’t make me go back there, miss. Can’t I fill some waters?
Next up is curried carrot soup. Lemme guess. Turtle. That girl never met a blender she didn’t like.
That’s followed by a seared scallop! JESUS CHRIST TURTLE!!! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!? The chefs love both the soup and the scallop, which they should. A hellofa lot of practice has gone into them. This show might be, after all, retitled Top Skaylope. Unbelievable. Seared snapper with a white lentil tabouli is served alongside a dish of cinnamon and saffron braised lamb shank. Both look delicious, and the judges all love them both for the most part. Dame doesn’t like that the snapper had so much tomato juice on it because he doesn’t want his fish served floating in liquid. “That’s where it comes from.” Toby sourly mutters that it tastes like dishwater. Dame laughs uncomfortably and says that’s a bit harsh. If you can offend Dame Edna, you’re really a cock.
Go fuck some pork and leave Top Chef alone, hack.
Beaker didn’t have much luck with her cake or (un)frozen yogurts. Nothing went well for her, and she knows it. She can’t get too down about it, though, because she’s Beaker.
I can see my cerebellum!
Tom’s pissed that he doesn’t have a spoon to eat the melted yogurt with and all of the judges agree that it was the worst part of the meal. Baby Herman says “It’s much like the career of Elvis Presley. It started off great…” and Dame adds “and then it died on the toilet.” LOLOLLLL Dame, and thank you for showing the angry baby how it’s done. Unfortunately, Toby adds “That’ll come later”, which took the fun out of it again. Well, it was a good two seconds. And then this bitch ass queen “real person” gets all rude about the chocolate cake. I hate when real people complain so bitchily about free stuff, no matter how much it sucks.
Gays like you need to move to another country so people will start voting for equal rights for the rest of us.
Dramatic music starts playing and we focus on Rad, who is starting to freak out because there are people waiting and no tables available. Her answer? She goes and hides in the kitchen. This “real person” does a hilarious impression of Rad, which makes me soften a bit towards the real people. That’s never happened, so well done, real person! Now just get some mousse or something. You’re on TV.
The judges notice Rad’s weirdo personality and her disappearance too. Tom says that if they got up and left right now, they wouldn’t even get a goodbye. Scar, never one to pass up the opportunity to be a Caroline Utters Nonsense Today, says “let’s leave.” They do, and Rad is nowhere to be found. Well, at least the team has the two dishes Turtle’s made nine hundred times to pull them through.
When the Judges enter Sunset Lounge, they are a little disturbed when my drunk Papaw tries to hire Scar for an hour. She slaps him, because he’s poor. Fabio distracts them from this ugly scene with his ugly suit and sticky greasy charm. He greets them and says “I know your name on de reservation.” Scar buys it. Dame calls him “Fabioless” which sounds like a diss in print but isn’t one. He starts them off with a vegetable roll amuse douche. The judges hate it. Daddy Tom says he’s had frozen eggrolls that tasted better. The real people don’t like it either, except for this lady, who was obviously and kinda scandalously charmed by Fab.
“It amoozed my douche.”
The real people are killing me tonight. Tuna and sashimi carpaccio, otherwise known as the dish Fabio made at Quickfire, is out next, and it’s paired with coconut curry bisque with shrimp dumplings. The judges give it a “meh”. Braised beef short ribs and seared black cod are next, and Leah tells us that she’s not proud of her fish. Leah is always dissing herself. She’s like one of those girls that’s always saying “I’m fat” so you’ll tell her she’s totally skinny. It doesn’t work. Dame says the cod has a fat ass and it tastes like a pickle. Tom says the sauce is brutal. Scar sends it back to the kitchen because it’s undercooked and doesn’t want another one. They liked the ribs, though. Fabio takes the fish back and tells everyone that they hated it. Leah, of course, goes straight to Hosea. He tries to hug her and she refuses it. To us, he says that their leader just boned it and sucked the life force out of the team. Uh, speaking of sucking the life force out of things, I’d like my penis back, k? Get off my screen.
On desserts, they definitely kicked the other teams’ asses. Stefan’s chocolate rice parfait with grapefruit jelly and pineapple and his lemongrass and ginger panna cotta with peach puree and ginger honey both look delicious and get high marks all around. Tom thinks it was the best part of both meals and says Stefan definitely won’t be going home. Even the real people can’t find anything bad to say, and they can be evil. When the frozen mango lollipop is sent out I get worried he might have overkilled, but everyone loves that too. This will really help humble him.
In the kitchen, the freaking out has begun. Rad tells us that she knows she blew it and just wants to go home and put her feet up. That’s probably just what you’ll be doing. Beaker knows that she sucked to, and says that even a busboy waiter even told her so. HAHAH. Busboys are such assholes. The busboy where I work calls me Gorda. He, like the busboys on this show, doesn’t get much money.
The real people seem to be giving really shite marks on their comment cards, and the judges can’t come up with a clear cut winner. The food was a little better on Rad’s team, but the service and Stefan’s desserts could pull them ahead.
I’m so using this trick next time I go on Match.com. I might find a husband yet!
In the little between commercials snippet, we see Prettyish’s magical powers. He takes thirteen rolling pins and swallows them whole and everyone’s all woweeeeee!
In the holding tank, the chefs are bitching about the crappy equipment they had to work with when Scar comes in and asks to see Team Sunset Lounge. She starts by asking Leah how she thinks they did. Leah, with her stunning grasp on the English language, says “there was some ups and downs.” She should be kicked off for not being able to talk. Would you eat somewhere the chef spoke like that? Wait. I just ate at Luby’s in Austin today. Scratch that.
Daddy Tom says that they were split on their decision, but they won by a hair because of Fabio’s service and Stefan’s great dessert. Scar asks who made the cod, and Leah says “Scariane.” No one buys it. Tom says the cod was the worst dish of the night and if her team hadn’t won, she’d be across the street with a telescope and a brick with Hosea’s name on it. Stefan is named the winner! WOW! I totally thought Fabio’s suit was gonna take that prize. Stefan is a stud. He’s bringing egg head back. His prize is a suite of Not Kenmore appliances! Holy shit, that’s a good prize. For two weeks until that cheap crap breaks. Still, it beats a cook book.
Team Just Because I’m Indian Doesn’t Mean I Was an Extra in Slumdog Millionaire So Stop Asking Me About It is called in. Scar asks Rad what went wrong and Rad says she wasn’t sure. And Tom’s like
So do we have a casting department or do these idiots just walk in off the street and put on a jacket?
Scar asks if she planned anything out or just let people do what they wanted. Rad answers that they did what they wanted and she just helped them prep. Tom asks if everyone takes responsibility for their own dishes. Prettyish says he was satisfied with his food, and so does Jamie. Dame liked this restaurant better, but thought the desserts were a disaster. Tom wants to know if Rad asked for help and she says that the rest of them were in the weeds too and she knows that her work was a disaster “but I had a good time.” Then Tom’s like
This bitch is wack.
Toby tells her the customers are the ones who are supposed to have a good time and she hilariously yells “I KNOW! I KNOW!” Like he just made a witty observation that she’d had in the back of her mind for ages. She says that in the end she was stuck with what she was stuck with so she just sent out her liquidy yogurt with love. Tom asks how that’s supposed to help anything and she snaps “that is my belief, Tom!”
Don’t make me sick Juanita on your ass. She’ll rip your shit up.
Then Tom’s like
Who the fuck is Juanita?
Scar says the only reason the yogurt didn’t work is because it was frozen and Turtle sticks up for Beaker, saying she was back there spinning yogurt as fast as she could. Beaker says she had a smile on her face even though they didn’t see it. This is why I love this woman. She’s just too much. Tom says that she should have told Rad her problem and then Rad should have put yogurt soup on the menu. No one can argue that. Even the guides are silent.
Tom asks Rad if she should go home for this. “If it’s a front of the house issue then yes.” Uh…bad answer. He hounds her about letting Beaker help and then not having cutlery and kinda yells at her. He asks if Beaker’s dessert mishap was partly her responsibility and after some pestering, she says no. Man, she really does wanna go home and put her feet up. There’s like four minutes left of this show, but it’s pretty clear where we’re headed.
In alone time, Dame says that Beaker’s lovey love love was too much and he wanted to fire her. As he sees it, “My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.” Toby says the first smart thing I think he’s ever said. “If we’d judged on food, this team wouldn’t be here, so I don’t think it’s fair to send home the Muppet.” Wow. Baby Herman spoke and I’m not angry. Will the other judges come to his side? YES!! Rad’s out!
She’s big about it and thanks the judges. She tells us that she’s disappointed to leave a cooking competition when she didn’t cook and wishes she’d made Prettyish work the front. Going home, she’s “looking forward to lots of recognition.” What a bizarre thing to say when you just lost on national TV. Don’t worry, girl. I’ll always recognize you. “Hey, look who it is!”
Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit