Tough Love Miami Recap

Greetings Gasmii and welcome to the seventh episode of Tough Love Miami.

This week Steve wants to focus on mommy issues. Who knew this would be such a hot bed of emotion? A courtesy warning: straight men & under emotional other types, you will hate this recap as much as you must surely have hated the episode. Run away now, or I’ll be saying

Listen to Kanye, straight dudes.

So, what made our darling sorority sisters cry? Steve has brought his mother in to help with this one. He’s decided the girls need to resolve their relationships with their own mothers, as this can be an influential factor on their dating habits.

I’m really, really glad he decided to focus on mommy issues and not daddy issues. Daddy issues can get pretty freaking messy. As it is, this exercise has the girls already trembling in dread before they even put pen to paper. Claudia is definitely the most affected, but several find this task of writing a letter to their mothers overwhelming.

 

Dear Mom, I hate it that….

you taught me to do this

when all I really want to do is this.

Christine apologizes to her mother for failing to be the perfect child. Uy-yi-yi! She says the hurtful things her mom said to her in anger have scarred her deeply. Poor Christine – no wonder she’s turned to the realm of pageantry to make her seem flawless. Her behavior is really just another version of a cover-up of her humanity, much like Jane’s tough motherf*&#er front.

I’m a little confused about Chasity’s issues. She’s apparently angry that her mom lived a lie all these years. I would think Chas would commend her mom for sacrificing her own happiness for the sake of her daughters. Instead, Chas seems livid that her mom stayed with her dad, so she’s punishing her mom by keeping the truth from her about her career and aspirations. And don’t get me started on her biggest dream. Right now I’m wanting to kick this little girl’s ass.

Grow up, Chasity!

Chas says her mom’s secrets made her feel hurt and broken. Imagine how your mom felt, you ungrateful little wretch! What this does go to prove is that it isn’t ever worth sacrificing your own happiness for someone else. No one ever wins in a situation like that.

I don’t find it surprising at all that Leilani was a rebellious teenager. She tells her mom that this was because she never got the approval she was seeking.

Jane takes it really well when Steve suggests she tell her mom about the DUI. She’s afraid to do it, because she knows how much it will hurt her mother. See Chas, that’s how you operate – think of someone other than yourself; take all that anger about how unhappy you were seeing your mom unhappy and turn it into love, sympathy and appreciation. Stupid little bitch. Sorry, Jane – this was supposed to be your paragraph but as you can see, I still have Chasity issues.

Dear Mom, please don’t be hurt by what I’ve done.

Dear Mom, boot camp is fun. Wish you were here.

Michelle breaks my heart. She tells her mom that she’s still really hurt at how much her mother favored her sister over her. She asks her mother why she was never told she deserved better when she dated crappy guys. I feel for this girl and suddenly understand what the multiple personalities are all about. As a kid, she must have been trying on every persona she could think of to win her mother’s love.

I wish I could hug you through my screen.

Claudia is the cake topper, though. She is such an absolute wreck that it is hard to understand the details of what happened between her and her mother. What is clear is that her mother abandoned her in some way – at least emotionally – and Claudia is torn between anger, hurt, love and a fierce need to protect her mother.  The process of trying to write to her mom isn’t easy.

 

 

But somehow she manages to at least write three sentences. She has already told us that when her daughter was born, she swore she would protect her daughter from harm – by giving her own life if she had to. She wonders if her own mother ever loved her that much. As she reads her letter, she can barely speak and she’s shaking uncontrollably. All she can eek out is that she wished her mother would have held her at least once – even if it was as an adult. And then she chokes out that she forgives her mother. No one can contain the waterworks, including me and Steve!

 

There isn’t a dry eye in the house.

We’ve all come to realize that what you experience with your parents truly can shape your relationships. While the girls retreat upstairs to sort out this life lesson, Steve and JoAnne have a private meeting.

It’s about Claudia.

They are both worried that this exercise has been too traumatic for Claudia and has dug up important issues that have to be dealt with. They agree that in her present state, she’s not ready to be matched. JoAnne requests that they let Claudia decide if she wants to stay in boot camp while working out the issue.

Steve calls Claudia into his office.

At first she looks fine.

Then it becomes apparent; she is a wreck.

Steve encourages her to stay in boot camp but says he can’t match her right now. She agrees with him. He tells it to her pretty harsh; until she resolves these issues and breaks the cycle, she is no better than her own mother. She doesn’t want her daughter to go through what she went through, so she will have to think about whether or not this is still the place for her. I don’t want to lose Claudia, but based on the previews it sure looks like that is what’s gonna happen.

DATE TIME!

Steve calls this date challenge “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”. Some of the girls will be meeting their date’s mother. Of course, they don’t show Claudia – I’m guessing she didn’t even go out on a date. What is mystifying is that we don’t see Christine’s date at all. Did she go out with Frank or has she blown that opportunity too? I would love to see Frank’s mom – especially if she’s as cheerful and goofy as he is.

Michelle is on her second date with Jonathan. I’m sorry, what?!? For those of you who don’t remember, Jonathan is the guy who was worried that Michelle has been single too long and he rated his willingness to see her again at a 5. It’s clear to me that the only reason Michelle has been set up on this date is because Jonathan has a battle-ax Jewish mother who will hopefully grill Michelle about being a shiksa. The lady does not disappoint.

If you have a son, how do you feel about circumcision in the living room?

WTF? This guy rated me a 5. Why the hell am I putting up with this?

Michelle handles the situation really well, though. She tells the yenta that she is fascinated with Judaism and would consider converting. Jonathan thinks its funny and permits his mother to ask uncomfortable questions, like “In what religion will my grand kids be raised?” I give Michelle kudos for shutting up the nudnick with a non-committal “I would never say never”.

Oy vey, why must I play nice with the goy?

 

Brigette has been granted another date with Anthony. They are very happy to see each other.

My endless love!

The big surprise here is that Brigette’s mom shows up for the date. We quickly discover where Brigette got her idea that she must marry the first thing that moves.

I can see you’re Italian from the hair. How’s your sperm count?

Apparently, mom has been pressuring Brig to get married and have babies for years. So Brigette is trying to balance psycho mom with reunion date.

I am proud of her. She tells her mom not to be imagining a wedding between herself and Anthony. Her mom promises she isn’t.

Because at this point, I’ll be happy with a kid born out of wedlock.

Brigette: To reunions!
Anthony: To me finally being able to eat out of this girl’s lap!
Mom: Is February too soon?

Jane is meeting Arthur’s mom Olga, which I thought was a German name. She’s definitely Cuban, though, and at first it looks like things are getting off to a rocky start. Jane, who is looking particularly fetching tonight, tests out Olga.

 

I’m an only child and I like to be the center of attention.

Oh shit.

Luckily, after her brief moment of dismay, Olga realizes how best to handle the situation and turns the tables, making it about Jane but focusing on how lonely it can be as an only child. Oh, I like this woman. She can totally handle our fierce girl.

Okay, momma. You pass.

After that, Jane and Olga begin to speak Spanglish and the conversation is easy and pleasant. They seem to be getting along great, despite how nervous Arthur clearly is.

Poor, sweet Arthur still doesn’t get to kiss Jane.

Chasity has just met Al’s mom. She has a heavy accent, maybe Jamaican? Even though mom is speaking English, all her dialogue is close captioned. Chasity seems able to understand her and I love her dialect, but I got lazy and relied on the written text since it was there. I like this mom, but it doesn’t seem like she likes Chas.

Chasity has nobody to blame but herself for this glare.

When asked about her recent career switch, Chasity volunteers not only that she was a go-go dancer, but what a go-go dancer typically wears. As you can imagine, Al’s mom is not impressed. Also, Chasity’s propensity for too much information has her telling Almom that her parents did not have a loving marriage and she herself doesn’t want to get married.

This doesn’t make sense to me, since when we first met Chasity she had baby fever and all she could think about was finding Mr. Right, having a baby and keeping her career.  So did she think she could just pop out the kids and daddy-O would stick around without that piece of paper that makes him acknowledge 1/2 the responsibility of the union? Clearly insurance is not a concept Chasity is familiar with – I’m guessing there isn’t an HMO offered at Vegas Go-Go Clubs.  This child has a lot to learn. Almom also thinks it’s wrong for Chas not to seal the deal legally, although I suspect her reasons are far more spiritual than mine.

I think both Al and Chasity are being rude.

Excuse me Al, but just who the fuck could you possibly need to be texting right now?

And Chas, clean your fork before you start waving it around to emphasize your point.

Chas has not handled this situation delicately at all and I cannot blame Almom for her opinion.

Hell no you are not sticking your claws into my child!

Worst of all is Leilani’s run-in with George’s mom. Where do I start? So, George’s mom is a professor. I’m guessing this means more focus on quality of thought, intellect and conversation over, say, looks. Which, if it’s true, would mean it should be surprising that George is into a, shall we say, less deep type of gal…

Bad news, Leilani. It’s true.

But there’s good news, too. Since most boys think their mothers are beautiful,

Leilani, you can let yourself go as you get older.

Georgemom asks questions about Leilani’s business and as Steve tells us, Leilani sells herself short. She really does downplay the business and makes it sound like a distraction she putters around with.

Impressive, you are not, little Brit twit.

After this barely suppressed display of superiority from Georgemom, she asks Leilani how she fights, and our girl admits she gets bratty and pouts but recovers quickly. Georgemom has clearly heard enough and cuts the evening short with the excuse that she has a flight to catch.

Definitely a disaster evening.

GROUP TIME!

Before group, we get the obvious foreshadow of who will be in the hot seat when Chas tells us she doesn’t think she has anything to worry about tonight.

Go stand in your wrong circle, girlfriend.

Yep, you heard me! (After having to get a lesson on Boug-ghetto, I’ve come to accept I know nothing about contemporary slang and shall henceforth be consulting the Urban Dictionary.)

There is also a love fest going on around Claudia before group. She still hasn’t decided what decision to make, but it is clear these girls all love her.

At group, the winner of the week is Jane!

I won!

Steve commends her for keeping it real and Jane acknowledges that she really did just trust in being herself with Arthur’s mom. She let her guard down and had a good time. Another hurdle overcome for Jane and Arthur. Now kiss already!

Leilani goes next and she’s worried about what Georgemom thought of her. She likes George, but she felt like Georgemom interrogated her (which she did).  Steve rolls the tape, and as expected, Georgemom doesn’t have much nice to say. In fact, she says although Leilani is beautiful (something I bet her ugly ass resents), she assumes Leilani is superficial, not intellectual and probably egotistical.

 

Well, duh. Of course I’m arrogant. I’m not a troll like you.

Georgemom says Leilani isn’t someone she would wish for in a daughter-in-law and makes the mistake of referring to Leilani as a wanna-be model.

I was one of the most successful models in Britain!

But Georgetrollmom doesn’t know that, Leilani, because you didn’t tell her. Leilani says she isn’t surprised, she gets judged like this all the time. She doesn’t want to be a braggart about her successes. But Steve tells her she has to prove herself like everyone else does, and selling herself short isn’t going to help her win the race.

Normally, I am more inclined to relate to the intellectual, let-myself-go type of woman that Georgetrollmom is, but I feel like she instantly judged Leilani when she first walked in the door. Look at her freaking body posture:

Oh fuck, Georgie’s girl is hot.

Now yes, our Leilani is a whiny baby, who needs to get her ass kicked every now and then, but she’s not a bad person and she’s not vicious. She deserved a chance to prove herself. So here, Georgetrollmom, is the sell you should have had but didn’t get. This “wanna be” model won Miss Great Britain and competed in the Miss Universe contest. While you may think, because it isn’t an intellectual pursuit, this is not impressive, I can bet your homely ass could never do it. And the business is legit – all you have to do is see the cute dresses she wears to group (and even the one on this date) to know what her clothing line is all about. You, madam, are a bitch and deserve a punch in your fat, aging, brilliant kisser.

Leilani does not deserve to feel like this.

And where the hell was George during this whole thing. Did he even once try to soften the blow? He must know his mom well enough to know what she was thinking and he could easily have helped paint Leilani in a more positive light than she was able to do on her own. Coward!

Now (since I’m on a roll), before we get to the hot seat, I would like to lodge a formal complaint. There is nothing about what Michelle went through at group tonight. This poor girl was squeezed through the ringer on this episode. It’s bad enough that she had to rehash ancient hurts that still fester. But then she gets handcuffed to a brutal Jewish mother on a trifling date. These women are experts at making you feel inadequate for not being Jewish. Trust me, I know.

If no one else will give you kudos for a job well done, I will, Michelle. I didn’t see a single moment of Micha, Mochi or Milly, so you were yourself tonight in some of the hardest situations you’ve had to face. Congratulations!

Michelle is my pick for the winner this week.

Chas gets called to the hot seat and she admits she was nervous around Al’s mom because Almom reminded her of her mom.

“Chasity and Al are not a good match.”

Chasity concedes that she spouted out TMI and Steve nails her with the point that she felt the need to be brutally honest with Almom but she won’t be honest with her own mom. She says she’s afraid her mom won’t talk to her anymore if she knew what Chasity’s ultimate dream is. And here I must segue into a diatribe about Chasity’s aspirations.

Steve doesn’t give Chasity a moment to decide. Why’s he always springing stuff on this girl? Just like that, he’s handing her a cell phone and making her call her mom in front of everyone else at group.

This actually does take some guts.

Never having a chance to back down, Chas actually calls her mother. I find it odd how she talks to her mom. None of the greetings I assume are normal such as hi, how are you, it’s me, love you, etc; she’s just very matter of fact and gets right down to business. Do other people talk to their moms like that? ‘Cause my conversations with my mom are always peppered with terms of endearment and respect. It makes me suspect Chas has been a mightily spoiled child who has no idea what has been done for her and what kind of appreciation she should have. Anyway, she finally musters the courage to admit her biggest dream to her mom. Here’s what I found out.:

Getting something off your chest is better than botox.

Chasmom tells her while she hates the idea, she’ll support Chasity in whatever dreams she has.

Ta-da! The truth will set you free.

So now, Chasity has no more reason to be a sneaky teenager. She has told her mother the truth. Maybe now she’ll grow up and not have a propensity to lie to her men or her mom.

Time to grow up, little girl.

By the way, Chas, I hope you understand how awesome your mom must be to have sacrificed her life for yours and to still be willing to support you in an endeavor which goes against her grain. You should send her flowers. Right now.

So, it seems like the show is over, right? Not quite. Steve tells us there’s just one more thing. With that he calls Claudia up to the front of the class.

Claudia has an announcement.

As Steve says, she seems at peace and she looks very pretty. She tells the girls that she came here to find a man, but instead she found herself and discovered the demons she has to face. With that, she tells us all this isn’t her place anymore.

And then she calls out Avonte. Note to future men who date Avonte: She’s always pretty

except when her heart is breaking. Be sure to take care of it.

Claudia tells Avonte that she has been her strength. Everyone is sobbing – they all love this girl and so do I. It’s all coming clear now about why she’s been overlooked all season and I want to be mad about the whole thing, but I can’t be because there is Claudia looking hopeful and radiant.

Positive and excited about the future.

But she’s leaving behind a trail of tears.

Sadly, we have to let her go. Because it really will be the best for her. Let’s hope that she actually takes the time to address these issues before continuing her acting career. And so, we watch her walk out of the house with one laughable piece of luggage.

As if this is all Claudia has.

Have we forgotten about her emergency make-up kit? Her bras alone would require a suitcase. It’s a poignant moment, but come on, our girl would have been picked up by a limo and whisked off into the sunset with her entourage of Louis Vuitton pieces.

Goodbye Claudia! You were loved and we’ll miss you.

Wish me luck!