Tough Love New Orleans: Fraidy Cats Getting Buzzed

It’s week 3 at the Tough Love mansion and this week Steve has decided to teach the girls about communication skills. He wants them to be able to express themselves well and share their feelings. This seems a little rushed as the girls have just barely scratched the surface of their dysfunction and should maybe be given some practice exercises with blow up dolls before being thrust on real live men revealing the feelings they have spent years entangling into a giant ball of knotted psychoses.

This is pretty much the hard wiring inside the brain of a
single lady in her thirties. Are you sure it’s a good idea to let her
express what she’s feeling?

Steve says the girls need a wake up call and asks them if they want to find out what turns a man on.

I already know, Steve, but it will be fun to see the virgin learn a thing or two.

The girls are riding in a bus to an unknown destination and they are trying to guess what is in store for them. Stephanie thinks they will have to walk in front of men. Melissa points out they’ve already been judged by men, so it must be something else. She also tells us in confessional that if she knew how to turn a man on, obviously she would be a lot more lucky in love right now. I’m a little confused at Melissa’s logic: if love is lucky how would learning some dating skills make you luckier?

Turns out this week the women will be playing on a game show called

How much fun would it be to invent these game shows?

The premise is that the women will talk about themselves in front of a panel of men and if the men like what the women have to say, their podium will be green. If not, they will flip a switch and their podium will turn red.

Despina is pumped to realize her life long dream of being on a game show.

Melissa is up first and Steve has her talk about herself to the group of men. It takes her 8 seconds to reveal she’s a virgin.

Maybe she uses this information as a weapon.

Clearly it is not a turn on.

What’s the problem?

Some men appear to be outright terrified of virgins.

Elizabeth doesn’t seem to be doing too well with the men either. She’s parroting her mother’s instructions to be offended if a guy doesn’t open the car door for you, and that he must pay for the whole dinner, including the tip. She tells us in confessional that she’s surprised men are turned off by these demands – what the hell has her mother been teaching her???

Steve asks Elizabeth what she gives back in return for all these high expectations and she adorably exclaims, “you get me!” She has such low confidence that it’s a very strange mix.

And the men aren’t buying.

Poor Steph doesn’t know what to tell them beyond where she lives and what she does for a living. Donna gets all antsy and agitated as she starts talking about how she needs everything to be just so and she’s gonna have to sniff your towels. Shalana gets red lights because she doesn’t like to cook. Danielle tells the men she likes to be the dominant one.

I think when Danielle wears orange it irritates me.
Unfortunately, Danielle wears a lot of orange.

Tiffany nails it! She starts out with telling her age (her real age) and what she does for a living. Next she mentions she has three kids and then begins to talk about the fact that she is a loving person but she’s also guarded so it’s hard for her to open up to people. She does great and when Steve tells her she was honest, she wonders out loud if she admitted her real age.

Tiffany’s genuine honesty earns her a round of applause from the men.

Danielle says her ideal date will be over 6’5 and have an athletic build. Red buzzing all around.

Is that shirt even legal, skanky girl?

Poor Shalana. She doesn’t think marriage is in her cards, so she says that by her third kid, she would want to be married. SAY WHAT??? Apparently, she would love to be married before more children, but for some reason she doesn’t think the guys she dates would want to marry her. One of the panelists who has decided this is a turn off tells Shalana he wants to be married to whoever is the mother of his child in his next relationship. Kind of sounds like he’s already got one, and something odd is going on here. He’s schooling her to aim higher and she agrees, and we keep cutting from him to her to him to her. Shalana tells us the panelist was attractive and she would love to get to know him better.

     
Could this panelist be a future match for Shalana?

Despina admits that she doesn’t usually concern herself with whether or not a guy is turned off by what she is saying. She acknowledges that she probably has turned a few of them off, but she doesn’t care.

The men find it so offensive they are hitting their neighbors’ buttons too!  

Here’s a quick run-down of the experience for the women:

 

After the exercise, Steve tells us it would take a detective to figure out what is going on inside their heads. Told you. He decides a little post-mortem is necessary. The girls all gather at the front of the stage and he asks Melissa how she thinks she did. She admits she got nervous and gave out way too much information which is how she acts on dates with guys she really likes. Steve points out some men were into the whole virgin thing, but he suggests that she modify such a harsh statement in the future with some kind of light hearted comment about still being able to make a guy happy or something.

I’m sort of suspicious that he’s implying men should
still be able to get happy endings.

Melissa tells us she’s going to follow Steve’s advice. She admits that she is loud and obnoxious about the situation and it turns men off. The key is how you say things.

Which is why Danielle should have explained herself when she mentioned height was an important criteria.

“When it came out of my mouf, I knew right away it was
probably going to light up the whole room.”

Hmmm… maybe it isn’t the color orange that annoys me about Danielle.

But it sure does exacerbate things.

Steve moves on to Despina and asks her what was up with her attitude. She looks confused and says she doesn’t have one. Steph predicts Despina won’t ever have a “sussesful” relationship.

I don’t think Steph’s right eyebrow was very sussesful.

Something is definitely up with Despina. She says she just can’t care. Not that she doesn’t care, but that she can’t care. She must have survived something by protecting herself and now she doesn’t know any other way to be. We haven’t seen much of Despina yet – I hope we’ll be able to dig beneath her surface before the end of boot camp, because she’s a pretty girl and I’d like to see her happy.

Despina claims ignorance – let’s see if she opens up next week.

The next day, Steve informs the girls they will be going out on dates. But since they need a little assistance in modifying what they usually say,

he’s going to attach the dreaded zapper to their legs.

For those of you new to the show, the zapper brought hours of viewing delights last season, when Steve would zap the leg of the girls whenever they said anything he deemed inappropriate for a date. It’s a little bit sadistic and whole lot of fabulous (unless you are one of the girls shackled to the device). In other words, it’s hilarious. I’m already giggling with evil delight.

He tests it out on Shalana who squeals in surprise. Then he doles out the instructions. Melissa can’t mention she’s a virgin. Stephanie needs to connect emotionally. Danielle can’t be too aggressive. Shalana is not allowed to be negative or to ramble. Elizabeth needs to step aside and let me have Stephon. I mean she’s supposed to let him know that she’s into him.  Also no one is allowed to talk politics, religion or money.

Luckily, Tiffany has a conversation piece on her arm.
Despina imagines a night full of excitement.

Melissa is up first and says shes trying hard no to be awkward, but she’s designed that way. She mentions after the appetizers that they will both have garlic breath. Steve doesn’t zap her, but he does react.

Why is this chick so weird?

Ultimately, Melissa discusses religion, dating and money. Steve isn’t happy about her performance on this date. I’m a little concerned at how much wine she sucks down. She takes a sip after every question.

I guess we’ll be capturing one of these in each episode.

Poor Shalana. It’s a good thing she got that practice buzz so she knew what her leg would be feeling all night long. She can’t help but repeat herself – she seems so shy. Her date is cute, though.

Tiffany gets a second date with Mike.

He’s cute and Tiffany seems to really like him. She tells Mike now that shes older, it’s what’s on the inside that counts in a man. And it’s important that he be a family man, since she has kids.

Tiffany earns applause from Steve.

Danielle earns constant zapping for cursing in nearly every sentence. I don’t think she’s impressing her date, who seems like a nice guy and meets her height requirement.

It doesn’t appear that Stephanie earns any zaps, but she isn’t doing what she’s supposed to either. Good John has moved a plate off their table to try to get a little closer and maybe hold her hand under the pretense of asking to see her ring. But she seems closed and guarded and doesn’t take the hint or maybe she’s just clueless.

Please make a move, Stephanie!

Elizabeth is struggling with the delicious Stephon because she can’t talk about money, which is her go to topic. Conveniently, Stephon has to step away from the table and Steve slips into his chair to have a conversation with Elizabeth.

Steve asks her if she is into Stephon because right now the date is boring. Elizabeth flies off the handle and completely misunderstands the point.

He wants her to tell Stephon how she feels, but
she can’t do that without being sure the boy
meets her parent’s expectations.

She tells Steve she only has two levels – shy Liz and explosive Liz. Steve is so frustrated he stumbles over his command for her to find a middle ground. It lightens the mood and they both start to smile.

I don’t know – I get a vibe from them.
If Steve likes girls (and I have heard this questioned),
I wonder if there isn’t a little chemistry here.

Sweet Stephon returns and invites Elizabeth to move her chair around next to his to keep him warm. She’s surprised and shyly complies. But she comes on in confessional and says she doesn’t know what she should be doing. She starts to say this is another reason my father’s gonna hate her.  She didn’t finish the sentence but I wonder if her dad would have an issue with the fact that Stephon is black. She is so caught up in what her parents think and trying to follow the bizarre rules they seemed to have laid down, she still operates under the guise that she still lives with permissions and rules. I wonder if she’s ever spent any time trying to determine exactly what it is she wants herself. Poor thing. It’s like her parent’s are her religion and she has to check their bible before she dates a man. I can’t imagine how fucked up her childhood was.

Stephon really likes her, but that sweet cuddly bear
still can’t figure out how she feels, though.

Donna is meeting her date and he kisses her on each cheek in greeting. Whatever bile this might make our OCD grandma produce must have been swallowed back down because she good naturedly sits down and agrees to eat the plate of food already waiting on the table and even accepts a slice of that horrific stuff (cheese) from her date. Steve tells us in confessional that her date is younger but has said he’s open to dating women of any age.

The man discusses his older brother who is 38 and then mentions that she must be young. She says that is very sweet and he asks if she is older. She says she doesn’t know because she doesn’t know how old he is.

Donna has a hard time putting together the clues.

 The guy seems surprised that she’s older and the date gets kind of awkward. Poor Donna. It sucks to be judged on age alone, but then again, she judges men on their smell.

And poor Steve. The editing takes us back to Danielle on her date and I’m pretty sure she’s going to make Steve sprain his finger.

Then again, he does seem to be having fun.

Danielle just continues to ghetto it down and gets nastier and nastier. She also seems to be getting drunk.

What else you suck like that?

The dates are over and the girls are riding back in the car discussing their experiences. Elizabeth mentions that Stephon told her on their date that he would be willing to re-locate to be with the right person. She comes on in confessional to tell us that she isn’t ruling Stephon out but she’s not used to dating mediocre guys. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t actually mean mediocre. I think she means what her parent’s will think is mediocre. Even though she’s 32, I’d say that Elizabeth is the youngest person on the show if she still lets mom and pop dictate her choices.

All you religious types, please pray for this girl.

A drunk Danielle comes on to confessional and is slurring her words but saying she thinks she did well on her date.

I’m sorry but all I can think when I see that veiny forehead is penis tip.
Sorry – I know that’s really mean, but I gots to tell the truf.
That’s what they pay me for.

It’s time for the hot seat and as the girls gather, Steve tells them he was pretty disappointed with them this week. I have to protest here. It doesn’t seem like the girls get enough instructions before they are set out into the big bad world. What they need are workshops or something where they receive classroom instructions and suggestions of ways to behave and THEN be matched up with men to practice their lessons. In any event, Steve likens their performance to needing paddles to jump start them, rather than the wimpy zapper. It sounds like he’s especially pissed at the girls who didn’t try to reach out or open up to their dates.

Steve can’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth when he announces that Tiffany did the best this week.

Is this bizzaro world?

Stephanie is next and Steve shows her the tape of Good John wishing she would make it clear whether or not she like him. Steph starts crying and says it’s hard because she’s not good at this stuff.

I think she’s so afraid of getting hurt that she doesn’t know how to try.

Steve tells her he wants her to take a chance and communicate her interest. Then he mentions there are ways of letting a guy know he’s getting somewhere such as pressing your knee against his knee or taking his hand under the table.

See, now that right there. Why couldn’t you have
mentioned that before the girls went on dates?

Elizabeth is up next and delicious Stephon tells Steve that he has no idea how Elizabeth feels about him and he doesn’t want to invest in feelings that won’t be returned. Elizabeth says she is attracted to Stephon but she’s fighting herself and all the voices in her head and it’s really hard. She and Steve get into it again but the argument is chopped to pieces so it’s hard to follow what really happened.

But one things for sure; sparks fly when these two are talking.

This should be break down and cry love, not Tough Love!

ummm… those actions happen when things get tough, ergo… never mind.

Danielle gets called into the hot seat. Steve asks her if she knows why she was called into the seat and she says she knows her leg was nearly buzzed off because she was cussing. She can’t give Steve a reason why she did it, though.

Danielle Strike 1

Steve shows her the offensive cursing and Danielle accepts that maybe next time she should slow down on the wine so she doesn’t make the people around her uncomfortable. Then Steve rolls the footage of her admitting she cheated and sticking out her tongue piercing.

This is so hot, isn’t it, Danielle?

Steve calls bullshit on her. He asks if she thinks the guy is interested in her. She guesses probably not. The man says he wouldn’t want to date a girl seriously who behaves like that. Danielle admits that she embarrassed herself.

Steve tells her that she’s the biggest scaredy cat in the house the minute she meets a nice guy. Her defense mechanism with a good guy is to act as raunchy and inappropriate as possible to test him. Which, of course, usually pushes them away. I’m proud of Danielle that she agrees with everything Steve is telling her. I like that this season the girls are really absorbing Steve’s information, rather than arguing with him all the time.

He tells Danielle that he’s going to set her up with the same guy again and he wants her to show the man the real Danielle.

Steve tells the girls they have to do a lot of thinking while they are in the house and that they need to be ready to deal with all the issues they’ve ever had in their entire lives. I have to ask; does Steve have a book of his rules the girls can read? Is there some literature they can be studying during the daylight hours to help them. Maybe a book on subtle signals a girl can send a man she digs. Just saying – the girls seem to be sent on dates with assignments but somewhat clueless.

What do you think?

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