Tough Love New Orleans Minicap: We’ve All Got Crabs!

What up, y’all?! I’m new here and I’m filling in for Luscious the next two weeks on Tough Love: NO.

This week the girls have to meet the parents. Of course, these things can’t be done without some sort of monkey wrench. The swamp trip with the dads comes with crabbin’, crawfishin’, and river rat catchin’. Danielle, the ever-dramatic pain in the ass, wigs out at every turn dropping a mine field of f-bombs which Corey and his dad must deftly navigate. Despina relives Deliverance by threatening her date with anal rape by a sharp stick while his dad plays the banjo. Elizabeth handles her freak outs fairly well for her, but hauls ass in the fan boat back to shore as soon as she can. Shalana and Aubrey have a great time, and then practically get horizontal in front of his dad.

You’re next, Daddy.

Melissa has to forego the swampy fun to go on a dumping date with Nice Guy Chris. She hangs on him and has all kinds of fun until Chris goes to buy them food. When he comes back, she dumps him. Nice timing and way to string him along. I liked her before, but she’s really starting to grate on me.

Next up, the girls are told to cook dinner for themselves, their date and Steve. Turns out, however, that the girls are assigned the specialty of their date’s mom and the extra plate is not actually for Steve – it’s for the date’s mom.

Oh my gawd! I nevah expected a surprise twist!

I learn that Cajun dishes apparently include fettuccini alfredo and chicken cacciatore. Most do well, but it seems that John’s mom is related to Carrie White’s psycho religious mother.

You see this giant cross? It wards off vagina and chicks with hot dog lips.

Despina gets a special delivery of flowers and some go-go-gadget keychain from her date, Austin. He invites her via video to a date at the airport. He has the go-to romantic crap set up in a hangar and then they play with in his cockpit (teehee).

As with all reality shows in their 3rd-plus season, there’s a “boot camp first” at group where an exasperated Steve parades a line of dudes in front of Melissa so she can finally tell him what she finds attractive, which she fails at as much as she’s failed at getting laid.

The full recap will be up shortly. While you wait, check out last week’s full recap from the fabulous Luscious here!

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Much love,

Sugarbush