Slow day here, so I checked around to see what’s coming up on the tube. It turns out it was very, very good news. Well, half good news. Let’s watch some trailers!
Million Dollar Listing
The bad boys of real estate are back! With new, Caesar complex blood!
I can be the nice boy or a shark! And I can cross my eyes while I talk to you and pretend I’m seeing clearly. And I resemble Squiggy with a really aggressive waxer. I think you’re gonna like me.
Worried that there might not be any crossover opportunities with this one? Well, don’t.
Seriously? A shirt? What’s the point? No one’s buying if you’re showing up like that.
This season, these real estate queens’ll do anything to sell the dream! Including speaking Jew in full Rick Moranis garb:
That guy slid downhill fast, eh? I didn’t even recognize him until he did something douchey. Yoga can be a really strong a hole indicator.
Please stop doing that.
And cross eyed guy is gonna sleep with Madison’s assistant! Which leads to my favorite line of the trailer: “Justht cuth I’m gay doethn’th meanth I can’th throwth dowth!” Good lord woman, you even lisped on “throw” and there’s no s in it. Please just don’t talk. And shave your head so I can stop hating you for your good genes.
I’m trying to lookth youth in the eye buth they won’t thtay thtill.
That guy makes Barney Frank sound like Hulk Hogan on a work day. This show turns me insane…ly happy. Gayness, bitchiness, and giant housiness. In.
Million Dollar Listing premieres Feb 3 on Bravo and will be recapped here by SwellMel!
New Original Series! Except not new. Or original. One out of three’s not bad. It is, in fact, a series.
Being Human is another Brit transplant. I heard so many things about that one that I downloaded the first season. In case you haven’t heard, this show is about a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost all living together. In the original pilot, the ghost was played by this weirdo mousy girl. When it was picked up (overseas, not this version), the ghost was played by a pouty model chick. NO THANKS! Poor little mousy girl, long distance hugs to ya. Point is, ew.
America is gonna take the shallow quotient up a notch, cuz that’s how we roll. Now, ALL of them are played by gorgeous models. Not that consistency is a bad thing, necessarily. And before you guys even try to argue that the werewolf isn’t a gorgeous model, he looks just like Noah Wyle. Who wasn’t a model. But he was a very cute doctor, which is just as attractive.
We’ve had a LOT of supernatural lately, so this is gonna really have to be great to catch fire. The previews aren’t doing much for it. Ghost Chick tells us that these roomies are like totally going through what all of us go through. Addiction! The vampire wants the blood of hot bimbos, the werewolf is addicted to rage, and the ghost chick is addicted to whining and pouting. Being different! Being loved! Being HUMAN! That sounds so sweet. And lame. Bring back Caprica.
Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit