Trailer Trash: Beverly Hills Fabulous

Trailer Trash TV

By Flipit | Monday, February 21, 2011 | 2:00 pm | 5 Comments
Tagged: , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Recaps, Trailer Trash TV

It’s a holiday! YAY Presidents! I guess. Instead of going out and celebrating the douchebags who steal our hard earned money every damn day of our lives, I settled in with the trailer for Beverly Hills Fabulous, reality TV’s newest attempt at a live cartoon about black and gay people. Beverly Hills: home to the country’s finest cars, clothes, and…black hair?

Screen Shot 2011-02-21 At 12.47.55 Pm
DARN TOOTIN!

 

For fifteen years, Elgin Charles has run a top salon in Beverly Hills, or as he likes to say it, Bevly Heeuhls. Unless Bevly Heeuhls is an actual place that’s not the regular Beverly Hills and I didn’t know it. When I was a kid I went to Paris, Texas and felt super fancy until someone told me there was a real Paris. I felt so dumb that I thought Texas was so great to be in when there was a coke head famewhore I could have been in instead.

Screen Shot 2011-02-21 At 1.18.42 Pm
The real Paris.


Elgin has tried to do the whole “integrated salons” thing, but whenever he gets white ladies in his shop the black ladies scare them off. LOL! I think he might be considering himself in that black lady class, cuz if I ever walked into Supercuts and saw this face I’d run like hell. And I NEVER run.

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We get to see Elgin at a bunch of different angles in a wind machine, and it’s hilarious, frightening, and bad for wind.

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Oh wind what have you done? You’re gonna need to kill another witch to get back on my good side.


Elgin’s friend Shaunie O’Neal, Shaq’s wife and the producer of Basketball Wives, tells Elgin he needs to open a salon in Miami. The city has become reality trash heaven and he’s totes missing out. Well Elgin’s up for it! He’s got the most bangin’ stylists around! They’re talented…

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You gonna be a diva when I’m done with you! Snap circle resnap.

And the most fabulous!

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Please stop shaking your underarms at me and just shave my fucking head please. You’re scaring the children.


Lolita is my fave so far. Big girls “can look sexy, be sexy, and do sexy things!” They can also eat like garbage disposals but she doesn’t add that. I guess it’s not sexy? Be sexy, girl! Just not on my TV, please. Hey! Susan Powter and the Malfoy kid had a baby. And he’s really gay. Just in case you couldn’t tell, he’s talking about bedazzling vajayjays right now.

Screen Shot 2011-02-21 At 1.00.32 Pm
Do gay guys on TV ever talk about politics or books? Or is vajayjay the only thing allowed? I blame Frasier for this disturbing trend. Hey gay people on reality shows, my Meemaw is watching and she has a vote. I’d like to see gay marriage passed at some point during my lifetime. Butch it up a bit kthnx.

The stylists are all sitting around making wacky jokes one day (“I’m a big girl I don’t need a threesome. I am the threesome!” Sexy, get it?) when they read some nasty tweets coming their way from a competing salon in Miami. BevHills ain’t shit! OH YEAH? TAKE THIS!

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Our bad. Beverly Hills is shit. YOU WIN.

So to Miami it is. The stylists are talented, but they’ve also got lives and goals. For example, Sean also wants to be a singer! He makes Kim Zolciak sound like Pavarotti.

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Vajaaaaaaaaayjaaaaaaaayyyyyy

They also date! Big Girl goes out to get sexy, but her date asks her if she’s ever considered the lap band procedure. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

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If I had the lap band I wouldn’t be able to devour you whole and poop you out like yesterday’s Big Mac, DICK. Now get over here.


Enough to get you to tune in yet? Then maybe this will help. Elgin used to be married to Jackee!! HOLLER!!

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Heeeeeewwwww, Marrrrrrry!

It’s not all lap bands and bedazzled vajays, though. There’s also head rolling, yelling, snapping, and tasering trannies. I’m not kidding. I will never admit this to anyone in my real life, but I will watch every minute of this show. And with the last line of the trailer being “She look like she got her boobs done at the 99 cent store”, how could I not?

Beverly Hills Fabulous premieres March 14 on VH1. You can check out the preview here.

Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

5 Comments

  1. 1
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 21, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    OMG…I don’t know whether to laugh or be offended. So, I’ll do both! I’ll laugh in the privacy of my home then shiver in embarrassment that Black women are obviously not getting enough jobs in Hollywood outside of the chitlins circuit or hopeless stereotypes. Is there any other character for us to play that doesn’t require neck rolling, finger snapping, or lip pursing? I mean, maybe if I saw plenty of that in real life, I would understand. But I only see it on TV!! (Much like high schoolers with crows feet and receding hairlines.) Is anything real anymore? Better yet..is there anything I can watch on TV as a Black woman that doesn’t make me cringe and yell out my window “We don’t only do hair! We read books, too!”

    Just askin’.

    Flipit, I’d like you to exec-produce my next show, starring a gay scholar who also plays rugby on the weekends. His best friend and roommate, Tiesha, is completing her doctorate, in between taking in blonde foster children from underprivileged trailer parks and teaching them resist the temptation of Ranch dressing. Everyone speaks in their inside voice and only snap when calling their chocolate lab in from the garden. It’s isn’t easy, but they’ve managed to create loving, mismatched family full of warmth and kindness.
    Think anyone would watch? Me neither.

  2. 2
    Lauryn Morita
    Posted February 21, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Are you sure this a a “reality show”? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure Elgin is just Fred Armisen in costume for Portlandia.

  3. 3
    Pixielated
    Posted February 21, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Well, sarcas, the little blonde trailer trash kids might be entertaining. Maybe there’d be a little Britney Spears among them. Oh, the hijinks. And they’d all be pregnant (well, the girls) before they turned 16.

  4. 4
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 21, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    @Pixie, you’re right! here are one of the kids we are considering for the role. I smell an Emmy!

  5. 5
    featherhead
    Posted February 22, 2011 at 8:56 am

    OMG, Elgin looks like a skinny Steve Harvey wearing some Kyle Richards locks!! I cannot wait for this to start, it looks hysterical!

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