Trailer Trash: Chase and Lone Star

Trashing the trailers of Chase and Lone Star.

Chase, NBC

PottyMouth: I think this was less of a season preview and more of an abbreviated first episode. Either way, I have no desire to watch this. I’d rather rewatch Tommy Lee Jones chasing Harrison Ford instead.

Chance of Success: Cancelled mid season

HoneyGangsta: This is The Fugitive with a blonde bombshell in the Tommy Lee Jones role. Male fantasy. I guess that’s fair since we ladies got Harrison Ford in the movie.

Chance of Success: 40%

St. Claire of Assisi: A show about US Marshals. They go BEYOND the places the regular police officers go…unless those regular police officers are the ones on Hawaii 5-0, because they take things farther than you ever thought possible. But they’re busy in Hawaii, so this is a job for…the US Marshals.

Chance of Success: 2%

Bbitz: US Marshalls with an office the size of the Capital building! I like that it’s a kick-ass girl in charge and she knows how to do the obligatory “map spread across the hood of a cop car while telling everyone the plan of action”. Let’s do this!

Chance of Success: 70%

SexyPanda: Hey, isn’t that the bridge Josh Brolin threw the bag off of in No Country for Old Men? Anyway, I actually like the look of this show so far. The cowgirl schtick isn’t too thick, which would otherwise smother it.

Chance of Success: 60%

Flipit: Glad to see skinny blondes are finally getting some work in Hollywood. A little girl’s daddy gets murdered by hot guy who sings nursery rhymes about dingos. Skinny blonde US Marshall chick starts singing said dingo song in bad Texas accent. Um…awkward. Did this require a musical audition? Cuz it should have. Hey! It’s the hot gardener guy from Desperate Housewives! And he’s still terrible!

I’m old and grumpy, and you’re hot and charming. Got it?

Did they stop letting Jerry Bruckheimer make horrible movies? Leave my TV alone, foo! Don’t you have enough CSIs to keep your stupid ass busy? Skinny chick chases hot murderer, kicks him in the nuts, and catches him. The end. This looks booooooring. And I love that NBC’s new tagline is “more colorful” and this show is white as a bagel. Pass.

Chance of Success: Jerry Bruckheimer has a deal with Satan, so this will def make the entire season. But then it will go away quietly and Jessie Metcalfe will be one year less hot for it.

Dangerously: Did they name her Annie so they could pull a little “Annie Get Your Gun” trick on us? And why is Tom Brady playing the bad guy in this pilot?

Chance of Success: 25%

Lone Star, FOX

Dangerously: One man, Two Lives, No morals. He’s a con man, except that, like Pinocchio, he wants to be a real boy with a real wife and a real job. Good thing his nose doesn’t grow when he lies, or he’d be juggling more than just two girlfriends.

But won their hearts!

Chance of Success: How long can they drag this out? If the intent is to keep it to a season, great, it’ll do fine. If it turns into Prison Break, though…canceled.

Bbitz: “My Name is Earl” with a much hotter guy! Uhhh yeah! And Angelina’s bat-shit crazy dad’s along for the ride!

Chance of Success: 10%

Flipit: Multiple wives, daddy issues, and questionable morals. Add some braids and decent acting and you’ll have Big Love.

This I’d watch.

Apple pie white boy with a daddy who makes him do very bad things. He’s really a good person on the inside! You can be as charming if as you want, but if you’re giving money you rightfully earned (stealing is at least working) back to dopes who fell for a pretty face and craptacular lie, you’re probably not the man for me. Get out of my house, Lone Star, and don’t leave your keys behind “accidentally” so you have an excuse to come back and work your wily charms on me again. We’re over.

Hello sir. I’m a shady average white guy with a DREAM, k? Let’s make some magic together.

PottyMouth: Awwwww, poor con man; he only wants to be loved. Something tells me Jon Voight’s gonna eat his ass for dinner. If they can get David Keith’s character to hang himself in the shower, I’m there!

Chance of Success: 75%

St. Claire of Assisi: The only thing you need to make this a comedy is to add a nosy mother-in-law character.

Chance of Success: 12%

HoneyGangsta: This should be called The Young Don Draper Chronicles.

Chance of Success: 10%

SexyPanda: The guy is cute. I am too dumb to follow shows with lots of lies, though.

Chance of Success: 50%

Lone Star (FOX) and Chase (NBC) premiere tonight!