***Over the next couple of weeks, the TVgasm crew will be bringing you Special Edition Fall Preview Trailer Trashes of upcoming premieres. We’re kicking things off with Mike and Molly!
PottyMouth: He’s a fat cop, she’s a fat teacher. He has a non-threateningly funny black man as his partner, she lives with her mom and sister. I guess having her live alone with her eight cats would be too realistic.
Chance of Success: CBS loves it’s stupid comedies, so this one will make it through at least a couple seasons. Or until the characters are grandparents.
Hot girls eating cake. To thin people, this is a bad sitcom. To fat people, this is good porn.
Bbitz: If I wanted to watch fat people in love I’d watch reruns of “Family Matters”.
Chance of Success: 65%
Flipit: This show is tricky and evil. At first you think you should all take a moment and thank Hollywood for giving fat people some money this Fall. It’s about time you greedy skeletons! Unfortunately, this show looks terrible, so said fat people will most likely be hitting the unemployment lines soon. Which will lead to depression. Which will lead to more fatness. Which will lead to even less work. Way to keep fat people in their place, Hollywood! Chance of Success: There have been over 15 million KFC Double Downs sold. If even half of the fat bastards who bought those sandwiches watches this, it will be the biggest sitcom on TV.
In 2010, fat child actor unemployment shrunk…for a second.
Monamonzano: Fat People on TV? That’s worse than…nothing.
Chance of Success: Lots. Fat people love to escape their cruel Indiana existences and watch other fat people on tv.
HoneyGangsta: It looks like Mike has spent too many shifts at the donut shop. Casting this guy as a cop makes me very nervous about sitcom public safety.
Chance of Success: 10%
St. Claire of Assisi: Thoughts: I’m eagerly anticipating the rumored “fat camp” episode. It’ll be a transparent ripoff of Hogan’s Heroes, except with nutritionists instead of Nazis. Equally bumbling, though.
Chance of Success: 0% + a 740,000% boost from Chuck Lorre.
SexyPanda: Well, Molly’s wearing a shirt I recently bought at Macy’s. It looks better on her, and I’m the one who’s lost 120 lbs. Sad trombone. Otherwise, we need a fat person’s sitcom to fill the gaping hole Roseanne and King of Queens left. And it looks sweet.
Chance of Success: 60%
Cherie: Gee a bunch of fat fuckers. I can look at my family for that.
Chance of Success: I predict 85% chance of making it. America loves fat fuckers.
There were about two seconds in this preview that fat wasn’t mentioned. Thankfully, they made up for that glaring error with this shot. Do NOT stand near this man while he’s waving. You’ll break your nose.