Trailer Trash: You’re Cut Off

“In the world of the rich and famous, Princesses rule supreme!” – Very Wise VH1 Announcer

This show, in a nutshell, is about kinda homely rich girls becoming kinda homely poor girls. But don’t worry! It’s only for the span of a VH1 show! You’ll go back to being homely and rich in no time, girls! But will you have learned something?

We get some testimonials from said homely rich girls. “I get what I want!” “I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth!” “I paid almost five thousand dollars for enough dog poop colored MAC pancake to cover my face for this shot!”

A girl with lots of cars! A girl with lots of credit cards! A girl with lots of plastic surgery! Her dad spends over a half a million dollars a year to make her look like a beached whale with Pia Zadora’s face stapled onto it.

He’s gonna have to shell out another half a million a year for all the back surgeries your stupid ass is gonna need within ten years.

These morons are in for a big surprise! Their daddies are cutting them off! Not because they’re actually turning into good parents and making these brats work for a living, but because they have a bigger goal! To help turn their aimless messes into reality stars! I think there should be a show about the parents. I could host it. The basic premise would be me going to their homes, sitting them down while tinkly piano music plays, and then punching them in the face for an hour.

No more money? But without my daily spray tan I’ll be….WHITE! Nooooooo!

Seriously, the obsessive tanning on these shows have helped ease the race divide in our country. I can’t tell who’s what anymore.

Black or Tan? Sing something!

The girls get a life coach. She tells them, very stiltedly, “the biggest dilemma you face in life is Gucci or Prada!” One of the girls snaps “What’s wrong with that?” Crickets as the life coach tries to come up with an answer but can’t. And really, what is wrong with that? Isn’t that kind of the ultimate American goal?

The girls have to do…gasp…CHORES! This looks terrible. And wonderful. I’m a huge fan of idiots, and watched every episode of The Simple Life, so I’ll be here to find out who loses ( becomes a better person) and who wins (gets their daddy to die so they inherit everything and don’t have to get tested like this anymore). Still not convinced this show is all class? Both Omarosa and Perez Hilton appear. Tune in. I’ll be there.

You’re Cut Off premieres tonight on VH1 and will be recapped here at the gasm on Fridays by a newbie, JulieJulie. See you then!