Trailer Trash: When in Rome

Not a huge chance I’ll be at this movie, but the trailer is worth sitting through!

When In Rome

The trailer for “When In Rome” makes me feel stupid. Real stupid. Why am I so confused? Nothing about this film movie says, “complicated” in any way. It’s When in Rome, a romantic comedy starring Kristen Bell! The poster is simple is just Kristen Bell in front of yellow. Lots of yellow. It’s a remake of a movie from 1954. It’s being advertising as “From the studio that brought you “The Proposal”.” According to imdb Don Johnson and Jon Heder co-hosted “WWE’s Monday Night Raw” to promote this movie. Then why the hell am I so freaking confused!? This romantic comedy should be the lowest of the lowest common denominator, but instead I feel like I’ve been kicked in the head by a horse. What the hell is going on in this trailer? Okay, let’s take it step by step. We’ve got Kristen Bell, Beth, wearing a headset at some fancy opening. She says she was very single and a happy New Yorker until her ex-boyfriend asks if she want to “jump in again.” Okay, I’m with you. Then the ex explains that “jump in again” means he’s engaged to someone else. WHAT?! Okay, so she’s happy and single and her ex is getting engaged. I guess this movie will be about either getting him back or trying to move on. Got it!

Then we meet Nick, a new guy who’s a writer of some sort. He has a quick infuriatingly who’s-on-first scene with Bobby Moynihan. Then we are in Rome with Beth at her sister’s wedding. This is where my brain starts to hurt.

At the wedding, she meets Nick. They hit it off great, complete with plenty of physical comedy antics. And by plenty I mean WAY too much. This trailer is already pushing my limits at an extended 3:30 running time. There’s no need for a :20-second scene of Beth comically trying to break a vase. Especially when I have absolutely no idea what is happening with the plot.

Beth and Nick have hijinx and fall in love at the party, it’s cute. Then Beth goes to the Fontana Del Amore to find love. HUH?! I must be an idiot! I am so lost. She just fell in love! Why the hell is she looking for love the same night she just found a great guy who liked her?? And why is it called the Fontana Del Amore? There is no such thing as the Fontana Del Amore in Italy. The legend is that if you drop a coin in TREVI fountain you will find love and if you take a coin from TREVI Fountain you will take someone’s love away. Trevi fountain is one of the most famous, beautiful fountains in the world, and the whole plot of this movie is based around the actual myth behind it. Why not use the name of the real fountain you’re’ talking about? Could this movie not get the rights to say “Trevi?” When Italy turns you down to use the name of its classic art in your romantic comedy, you’re screwed.

Back to the trailer. Beth pulls out a bunch of coins of men who are now magically obsessed with her. Beth also has an amazing knack for only pulling out the coins of “hilarious sidekick” actors. Now she has to fight off all the guys following her, like WIll Arnett, Jon Heder, Danny Devito, Don Johnson and Nick. Nick?! I thought she liked Nick, WTF is the problem here? First, she wanted to find love and did, so she ran away. Now she goes looking for love again and the same guy likes her even more. So she has to fight him off? This movie is less “romantic” and more “schizophrenic.” And I need a Tylenol.

It’s eventually revealed that Beth’s problem is that she wants to be sure Nick really loves her for her, not because of the “coin magic.” I’m just saying this from watching the trailer, but he seemed to be pretty into her at the wedding, before the whole coin thing. So, isn’t that question moot? “When in Rome” trailer, are you just trying to confuse me, because that is not a good tactic to get me into the theater. I rarely go to movies thinking “I was so confused by what was going on in the trailer for this movie I HAD to pay $14 to see it in the theater to get these questions answered!”

The trailer for the movie ends with a montage of German dancers and crashing cars that don’t seem to relate to anything and just when I think it’s over, it blows my mind in an entirely new way. It starts hocking the songs. Not just as an aside. It’s a whole ‘nother commercial tacked on! We cut to a still of Jason Mraz while playing his new song in a video from the movie! And then The Academy Is with their new song “Fox on the Run”… which is an oldie and not-so-goodie from 1974. Then 3OH!3 featuring Katy Perry with “Starstruck”. Okay, that’s it! 3OH!3, your band name is a typo! And featuring Katy Perry?? That’s an ad in an ad in ad ad ad!! I’ve had enough! Stop trying to sell me crap “When in Rome”, you’re giving me enough brain cramps as it is! I don’t get you. In any way, in any sort…

If you’ll excuse me I have to go lay down for a while. I’ve gotta get a nice hot ginger tea, a Snuggie and watch the trailer for “Two Weeks Notice” to calm myself down before I have a brain aneurysm.