True Blood: Wet Dreams May Come

Last night’s episode of True Blood might not have been the best installment of the season, but it definitely propelled a number of storylines further! The central theme of the episode was “dreams.” Some characters were having good dreams. Some characters were having RILLY good dreams! Some found their dreams coming true. And still others found their lives turning into a living nightmare!

The episode opens right where the last one left off, with Joe Lee beating and choking the living daylights out of lil Tommy. Just when it seems he’s snuffed Tommy out, the lil runt is back on his feet and giving Joe Lee a taste of his own medicine. Tommy gets pushed so far over the edge that he ends up killing Joe Lee, and then inadvertently killing his dumbs mama, too!

Oops! Did I do that??

When Marni comes to, she explains that she was possessed by the goddess again. Lala calls her “hooker” and “witchy poo” before he, Jesus, and Tara decide to turn their backs on her and leave her ass in the middle of the forest.

Arlene and Terry are freaked out by the writing on the wall, so Terry suggests they look into some divine help – in the form of an exorcism.

Eric has a very peculiar dream in which he finds Sook asleep in bed. Godric pops up for a lil cameo, and urges Eric to turn his back on love and give into his killer instincts. Eric resists at first, but Godric forces him to start snacking away on a screaming Sookie.

Fangs for the midnight snack!

Hoyt and Jessica get Jason home safely. Um, why the hell didn’t they take him to a hospital to get checked out? Dumb hicks! Hoyt thanks her for saving his bestie’s life, but when he moves in close, Jessica recoils and acts all weird. (She must still be feeling guilty from cheating on him.) Hoyt decides to spend the night at Jason’s looking after him.

Portia thanks Beel for seeing her on such short notice. The second they are alone in his office, though, she puts the moves on him! Nast!! Beel is obviously grossed out, since she’s his great great great great grand-daughter. Portia tries to rattle off a litany of reasons why she thinks incest is best, and Beel has to glamour Portia into running off scared every time she sees him just to keep her off his junk.

Keeping it in the family? ICK!

Eric wakes up and wanders into Sookie’s bedroom, fangs bared. When she wakes up, he retracts, and tells her he had a bad dream. Eric lets his guard down and shows a remarkably vulnerable side to Sook, who finds herself really starting to fall for the ole scoundrel! Sook lets him spend the night, provided he keep his hands and his fangs to himself. LOL.

Who knew the fearsome Eric was such a secret cuddle bug?

Pam bursts into Beel’s office looking like a witchy beekeeper. It reminds me of Sex & The City when Samantha had a freshening chemical peel… only WAY worse! Pam wants revenge on that “uppity Wiccan cunt” Marni asap. “You fuck with my face, it’s time to DIE!” she snaps. LOL. Beel tells her that his hands are tied, since Nan forbade the vamps to shed a single drop of human blood.

Veil down, I think!

Tara watches as Lala and Jesus pack up their bags and head south of the border to Mexico in search of Jesus’ brujo grandfather for help. Jesus then recounts via flashback his ninth birthday when his gran-papi made him slaughter a goat and lick the knife clean so as to take in the spirit of the deceased animal. Ugh. How barbaric! Was he raised in Hot Shot??

It tastes like burning!!

Tara (aka “Toni”) calls her girlfriend Naomi back in Nawleans, and tries to be all cute, but homegirl’s staring at Tara’s mail, and is all, “Who the EFF is Tara?!” Whoops! Busted, baby gurl!

Tommy shows up at Sam’s place, covered in blood, and begging for his big bro’s help in disposing of a few dead bodies.

Sookie tries her hand at a little amateur sleuthing / mind-reading on Holly to figure out the name of Marni’s Wiccan voodoo shop. Across the way at Merlotte’s, Jason laments to Hoyt that all of his problems the past three seasons come down to him being a hot little slice of man whore. Jason freaks out when he overhears Holly say that tomorrow night is the full moon. Ruh roh!

Something were-ish this way comes?

Arlene and Terry are decked out in their Sunday finest when Reverend Daniels and his new wife Lettie Mae (Tara’s mom who was possessed by a demon) arrive on their doorstep for some good old-fashioned singing and sage smudging to drive out any ghosts or demons.

That sure is the biggest joint I’ve ever seen, Ms. Houston!

Sook stops by Marni’s Moon Goddess Emporium for some more sleuthing under the guise of wanting her palm read. Marni seems annoyed by her cloying Southern charm, but finally agrees. Almost immediately, she gets a message from a woman who turns out to be Sook’s recently deceased Gran. She has three messages for Sook: 1) Take care of Jason. 2) That she should not give her heart to the man she is falling in love with. And 3) That Marni poses great danger to her and she should RUN!

Best line of the episode: Sook: “Lady, when my Gran tells me to run, I RUN! (pause) Keep the change!”

Sam reluctantly agrees to help Tommy dispose of the dead bodies, and they’re trying to make a getaway when Sheriff Andy (all hopped up on V) pulls them over for no good reason. Sam tries to play it cool, but Andy spots blood on the car and wants to search the back. Just when you think Tommy’s gonna get found out, he morphs into a giant crocodile and scares the bejeezus out of Andy. Sam explains he found the gator by a dumpster and is just returning him to the bayou. LOL. Well played!

Oops, I crapped my pants.

Eh, wassup, Croc?

Katrina shows up at Marni’s under the guise of feigning concern for her safety, but it’s really just a rouse. Before you know it, armed men have Marni on the ground in a choke hold, and Katrina is relaying to Beel via walkie that the “target is secure.”

Tara pours her heart out to Sook over a pint of ice cream and a bottle of beer about her new secret lesbian life. Sook hypocritically tells her about the importance of honesty, then looks guiltily over at Eric’s cubby in the corner…

While locked up in Beel’s custody, the “goddess” treats Marni to yet another dream / vision / flashback. This time she’s locked in a Spanish Catholic dungeon. The priests come in and pluck one of the witchy ladies from the frightened group. The priests then turn into vampires and begin to devour the poor girl! Aha… so THAT explains why this witch goddess has such a beef against vampires!

Not a good look for you, sweetie.

Tara wants the spend the night at Sook’s, and Sook tries really hard to dissuade her from staying. Naturally, when Eric pops out of his cubby, Tara goes ballistic on Sook for lying to her and harboring a dangerous killer that they all hate. Tara flees for her life, and Eric almost looks a little embarrassed to hear all of the horrible things he’s done to them.

Marni is unable to answer any of Beel’s questions over the intercom, so he is forced to go down to her prison cell himself and glamour the truth out of her. Natch, she has no idea how to reverse any of the spells. Pam’s face continues to rot. Ewww!

Lala and Jesus pull up at gran-papi’s house in the dead of night, and try sneaking up to the front door, but it’s gran-papi who sneaks up on them and gives them a fright. “We’ve been expecting you,” he grumbles sinisterly, and they follow him into his house.

Alcide opens his door to find a gruff, angry werewolf biker by the name of Marcus Boseman. He’s the pack master of Shreveport, and he’s pissed that Alcide hasn’t registered with the pack. Alcide doesn’t like being told what to do, and tosses him out on his ass. I’m wondering if Marcus is the same crazy werewolf that is the father of Sam’s girlfriend’s daughter?? It would definitely tie their storylines together!

Not Avon calling!

Sam helps Tommy toss Joe Lee and mama out into the gator-infested bayou. Tommy feels guilty about committing murder, and Sam tries to console him by saying it was justifiable self-defense. When the bodies don’t sink, Sam tosses a few marshmallows into the water, and the gators go wild. Hmm. Food for thought! Next time I’m disposing of bodies in the bayou, bring marshmallows!

Terry and Arlene are making sweet loving’ on their tacky satin bedsheets with Baby Mikey (and that creepy doll) asleep in the crib. Terry and Arlene share a RILLY sweet, tender moment together, and just when you think that maybe the worst is behind them… the camera pulls out slowly to reveal a matchbook which lights itself on fire! Uh oh!! Is a vengeful spirit trying to burn their house down??

Someone’s playing with fire…

Jason finds himself in the middle of a very wild, torrid sex dream involving Jessica. (Probably due to her sexy vamp blood coursing through his veins.) Jason feels a little guilty for crushing on his best friend’s girl, but that doesn’t seem to stop him. Hoyt then pops up for a very unwelcome cameo. And just when Jason thinks Hoyt has left the building, he finds Jessica has been replaced by Hoyt!?! Jason wakes up from his nightmare and says the second best line of the episode: “Oh, my gravy!” LOL.

Dear male readers: Now YOU’RE welcome!

Eric tells Sook that he feels for bad for committing all those horrible acts that Tara said he did. Sook tells him that she knows there is decency in his heart, and that she wouldn’t have taken him in if she didn’t care for him. Eric tells her, “There’s a light in you. It’s beautiful. I couldn’t bear it if I snuffed it out.” He gets up and leaves, and that’s when you see the look on Sook’s face. She’s fallen head over heels for the big lug. She calls him back, and after a tender embrace – it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The smooch heard ’round the world!

FINALLY!!!

In the final scene, Beel calls the four remaining sheriffs of Louisiana together to convene on the witch problem in the basement. Luis, the Spanish sheriff, (who was one of the priests in Marni’s flashback) sheds a little light on the vampire-witch history for us. He reveals that in 1610, a witch named Antonia was being burned at the stake when she used necromancy to pull all vampires in a 20 mile radius from their sleep into the sun where they burned. Beel explains that vampires have always hid within humanity’s most powerful institutions. Back then it was the Catholic Church. Today it’s Google and FOX News. Hehehe. Clever writers! Luis and Pam are adamant about torturing and killing Marni. Pam lets it slip that Marni wiped Eric’s memory, and Beel’s all, “How would you know that if he went missing?” He knows Pam has seen him, and forces a confession out of her. “He’s at Sookeh’s!” Pam whispers, and the look on Beel’s face before he runs off is priceless!!

Cat’s outta the bag now!

So, what did you all think? Not the best episode of the season, but still pretty darn good! I’m so glad that Eric and Sook finally got their smooch on! And you know Beel’s gonna run over and walk in on them and get even more irate!! What do you think will happen with the rest of Bon Temps’ denizens? Will Jason turn into a were-panther? Will Arlene’s house burn down? Will Tommy now be able to shift into Joe Lee and his mama since he killed them? Leave your questions, comments, and theories, and as always, thanks for reading!!