TV Patrol: Good-Bye “Boston Legal” Monday.

Everything is NEW again! All the major networks are airing new episodes, so “that’s a good thing.” All is well in the TV world, for tonight that is. Let’s JUMP right into it………..

DENNY CRANE!

The “Amazing Race” is over, but where are Dallas & his mom, Toni? Did you guys notice they were NOT at the finish line. I was looking forward to Starr falling into Dallas’ arms while he expressed his undying love & asked for her hand in marriage. What I got was a lame attempt by Ken to recommit to Tina & let by-gones be by-gones! (did anyone notice that Tina really went all out on re-applying her eyebrows for their final testimonials?). I’m happy that Nick & Starr are our winners. They started out in front and never looked back. Dandrew never had a chance this time. (There ability to get a cab driver at the Portland airport that doesn’t speak english was the icing on the cake. LOL) Now where the hell are Dallas & Mom? Russia? CBS should have at least updated us.

“Leverage”, on TNT last night, was exciting & silly, with just enough intrigue to make me watch again. The best part of all, it was commercial-free! A couple of ‘thank you Hyundai’ was all we saw. The one critique I have is with Nate Ford’s band of thieves. Eliot Spencer (played by Christian Kane) is my biggest concern. He’s supposed to be this macho dude who doesn’t need guns to take out the bad guys. He kicked ass on some security guards at the beginning of the show & I don’t remember him doing much else after that. He tries to be all cool, attempting to talk quietly, but menacingly, like Clint Eastwood, but it just sounds like he needs to clear his throat. The skinny bitch, Parker, looks like she’s going to be the fun one. Her acrobats & abilitiy to get into or around anything is amazing. (especially if it’s not a stand-in doing the stunts). Her & Alec (the black dude) did most of the technical stuff. Alec is the computer genius & did a lot of wisecracking, but it was funny. That leaves the doe-eyed Sophie, who’s all girly, with high heels & designer clothes. She’s a pro at lying and that’s her job, blowing smoke up people’s asses. Nate Ford keeps everyone organized. They don’t like playing with each other. This is definitely a “Check it Out” show.

“Boston Legal” has it’s Series Finale tonight on ABC at 9pm. The 2-hour episode wraps up all the storylines & I’m sure David E. Kelley will have some profound form of wisdom for us to mull over as we watch one of my favorite shows ride off into the land of syndication. Will Alan & Denny break the ‘fourth wall’ & talk directly to us, the audience, tonight while sitting on the balcony, smoking their cigars? We shall see.

I’ve talked so much, I don’t have time to comment on “Dexter”. Let me just say this… the last ten minutes was the best, most intense & dramatic TV I’ve witnessed in a very long time. It was awesome! Michael C. Hall deserves an EMMY! The final episode of the season airs next week. (*sad horns*).

Ok, Ok, I know…. What’s on tonight? Well, I’ll tell ya. Here’s the schedule:

We have one other ‘Finale’ tonight. “Scream Queens” on VH1 at 10pm wraps up with our 3 would-be screamers running a gauntlet of horror movie moments. One will be eliminated and the two finalists face off in a ‘director’s challenge’. Only one will walk away with a part in “Saw VI”.

ABC:

“Charlie Brown Christmas” at 8pm. (special)

“Boston Legal” at 9pm. (Series Finale) Alan goes before the Supreme Court to argue on Denny’s behalf. Shirley’s suppose to get married & “that’s all folks!”

CBS:

“Big Bang Theory” at 8pm. (new)

“How I Met Your Mother” at 8:30pm. (new)

“Two & a Half Men” at 9pm. (new) #1 sitcom again last week.

“Worst Week” at 9:30pm. (new)

“CSI: Miami” at 10pm. (new)

NBC:

“Chuck” at 8pm. (new)

“Heroes” at 9pm. (new) F*ck! They have their powers back.

“My Own Worst Enemy” at 10pm. (new) I’m mad that this show is cancelled!

FOX:

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles” at 8pm. (new)

“Prison BreaK” at 9pm. (new)

CW:

“Gossip Girl” at 8pm. (new)

“Privileged” at 9pm. (new)

truTV:

“Operation Repo” at 10pm. (new) We should all get a free car if we bail out the car companies.

DSC:

“Hot Planet” at 9pm. (new)

E!:

“The Soup Presents” at 10pm. (new) “Dudes, Bros— The Whacked Out Men of Reality TV”

with Joel McHale.

NGC:

“Taboo” at 10pm. (new)

HISTORY:

“Modern Marvels” at 8pm (new) Car Wash. I worked at a car wash in Florida. Had to scrape ‘lovebugs’ off the grills of all these fancy Cadillacs. The boss was always trying to feel my boobs.

“Cities of the Underworld” at 9pm. (new)

MTV:

“The Hills” at 10pm. (new)

“The Hills Aftershow” at 10:30pm. (new)

TLC:

“Little People BigWorld” at 8 & 8:30pm. (both new) The twins turn 18 & Amy takes another vacation. Man, these guys are rolling in the dough these days. I want a show on BRAVO. I’m fat & short.

“Jon & Kate Plus 8″ at 9 & 9:30pm. (new & repeat)

“17 Kids & Counting” at 10 & 10:30pm.

VH1:

“Real Chance of Love” at 9pm. (new)

“Scream Queens” at 10pm. (season finale) This is the final episode & we find out who will get a role on the next “Saw” movie.

Holiday Themed Movies:

ABCF:

“Jingle All the Way” at 8pm. (1996) Arnold Schwarzenegger

DISNEY:

“The Santa Clause 2″ at 8pm. (2002) Tim Allen

FMC:

“Home Alone 2: Lost in New York” at 8pm. (1992) Macaulay Culkin

HALLMARK:

“Ebbie” at 9pm. (1995) New version of “A Christmas Carol”. Susan Lucci

Other Movies:

AMC:

“Two Weeks Notice” at 8pm. (2002) Sandra Bullock

“Mystic River” at 10:15pm. (2003) Sean Penn

CINEMAX:

“Blades of Glory” at 8:30pm. (2007) Will Ferrell

FX:

“Ice Age” at 8pm. (2002-animated) Ray Romano

HBO:

“Mrs. Doubtfore” at 6:45pm. (1993) Robin Williams & Sally Field

“The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford” at 9pm. (2007) Brad Pitt

OXYGEN;

“Raising Helen” at 8:30pm. (2004) Kate Hudson

SPIKE:

“First Blood” at 9pm. (1982) Sylvester Stallone

STARZ:

“Next” at 8:20pm. (2007) Nicolas Cage

My picks for the night are “Boston Legal”, Little People, Big World”, “Heroes” and the CBS line-up. Thank you DirecTV for giving me east & west coast feeds.

Oh & by the way, Dallas & his mom, Toni are safe & sound, back in the States. Their passports were turned into the cab’s “lost & found’. they just weren’t able to get back in time for the end of the race.

love

chooch