TV Patrol: It’s a “Heroes” Monday!

“Heroes” at 9pm tonight on NBC, better make some sort of sense tonight. Oh, who am I kidding, has it ever made sense? All I know is they better get Hiro off that flag pole somehow. How do you suppose they’re gonna do that? If I was the writer, I would have ‘past’ HRG get Hiro off the pole & then when Hiro tells him how much ‘old man’ Petrelli has f*cked up the future, HRG could kill the ‘past’ Mr.Petrelli so he couldn’t screw everybody up. Peter would then still have his powers & Clair could tell him to go to the past & get Hiro, so he doesn’t have to be a chef anymore…. and the “new” Heroes Army turns out to be all gay, with viagra-type side effects. Nathan orders them all destroyed before they decide they want to get married. Simple & as plausible as the “Heroes” writers now. Let’s JUMP…………….

If you need a ratings boost, try the super gay army!

Can you believe Susie came one vote away from winning a million dollars on “Survivor” last night! It looked like Sugar wouldn’t get many votes, but none at all? What a surprise! I knew Matty was a definite ‘Susie’ vote, but did they ever show who actually voted for her? I’m glad Bob won, but winning the 100 grand too, was kinda much. He should have been gracious & given it to Sugar!

“Dexter” on Showtime, tied up all his loose ends last night for his season #2 finale. This show has been renewed for two more seasons, so our favorite serial killer wiil have lots of time to continue thrilling us. I’m just glad he strangled Jimmy Smit. We know he won’t be back! Now, Michael C. Hall needs to win that Golden Globe Award.

We have one season premiere tonight. “Intervention” has a new episode at 9pm on A&E. A woman named Janet, with 4 kids deals with her alcoholic addiction that is so bad, she has seizures if she quits. She drinks at least 1gal a day. Lots of people have switched to wine thinking it’s okay for you. She’ll prove everybody wrong, but her heart will be in good shape.

HBO has a documentary, “Cat Dancers” at 8pm. Seems Siegfried and Roy should have had a chat with this sole survivor of a popular exotic cat act, which consisted of Ron & Joy Holiday, with Chuck Lizza, who was in their act & a lover to both of them. (nothing wrong with threesomes) They were one of the first big cat acts until 1998. Two of the three ‘cat dancers’ ended their careers tragically.

The networks are still churning out new epiosdes, so let’s see what we have for tonight.

ABC:

“I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown” at 8pm. (special) This is where we meet Spike, Snoopy’s brother & Rerun, Linus & Lucy’s little brother.

“20/20″ at 9pm. (new) “Drama High: The Making of a High-School Musical”. Students of Westfield High School in Chantilly, Va. produce & perform the Broadway version of “The Wiz” in 2007. (most of the performers are white, just saying).

CBS:

“Big Bang Theory” at 8pm. (new) Sheldon has certain gift-giving procedures that piss everybody off.

“How I Met Your Mother” at 8:30pm. (new) Ted tries to keep his younger sister away from Barney.

“Two & a Half Men” at 9pm. (new) Charlie’s brother, Emilio Estavez, plays his dead womanizing friend & Charlie has to take a hard look at his own lifestyle. James Earl Jones has a cameo role. I smell a “Scrooge” theme here.

“Worst Week” at 9:30pm. (new) Sam tries to help with Dick’s Christmas shopping, so you know he f*cks it all up.

“CSI: Miami” at 10pm. (new) They fight crime.

NBC:

“Chuck” at 8pm. (new) A gang of idiots try to rob the store on Christmas Eve. (didn’t that happen the very first episode ever?)

“Heores” at 9pm. (new)

“My Own Worst Enemy” at 10pm. (new) I’m still pissed that this is cancelled & Heroes is dishing out the garbage it is!

FOX:

“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” at 8pm. (new)

“Prison break” at 9pm. (new)

CW:

“Gossip Girl” at 8pm. (repeat)

“One Tree Hill” at 9pm. (repeat)

MTV:

“The Hills” at 10pm. (new) Heidi & Spencer think about eloping during their Mexican vacation. WTF? They ARE married!

“The Hills Aftershow” at 10:30pm. (new) They diss “Laguna Beach”.

CMT:

“NASCAR: The Ride of Their Lives” at 9pm. (2008) Kevin Costner narrates the history of NASCAR with interviews with racing stars, past & present. I’m sure Flipit will be recording this one. He’s a huge Jeff Gordon fan.

TLC:

“Little People Big World” at 8 & 8:30pm. (new) The Roloff’s are celebrating Christmas on the farm with all their families coming so Matt can show-off all the money he’s spent since he’s gotten this reality show, cuz he sure ain’t making all that money selling pumpkins & stools.

“Jon & Kate Plus 8″ at 9 & 10pm. (holiday) They visit the Children’s Hospital & give out gifts and then go on a skiing trip & spa.

HISTORY:

“Cities of the Underworld” at 9pm. (new) Ancient Rome & the Gladiators. (wonder if we’ll see Russell Crowe or Hulk Hogan, brother.)

“Ancient Discoveries” at 10pm. (new) Science & the Bible. We find out how tall Goliath really was.

VH1 has a new episode of “Real Chance of Love”. It’s the “meet the parents” show. All the skanks get to meet the boys mom & dad.

The Holiday Movies are beginning to repeat themselves. Here’s a list:

ABCFamily:

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer & the Island of Misfit Toys” at 7pm. (2001)

AMC:

“A Christmas Carol” at 8pm. (1984) George C. Scott is Scrooge & this is a pretty good adaption. (IMO)

“Prancer” at 10:15pm. (1989) Cloris Leachman. The reindeer farts.

FX:

“A Christmas with the Kranks” at 8 & 10pm. (2004) Tim Allen & Jamie Lee Curtis pass on Christmas cuz their daughter’s not home.

HALLMARK:

“A Town Without Christmas” at 9pm. (2001) Patricia Heaton & Peter Falk.

LIFETIME:

“Secret Santa” at 9pm. (2003) Jennie Garth. Beaver’s Mom (Barbara Billingsley) is in this movie.

Other MOVIES I think you may find interesting:

HBO:

“Charlie Wilson’s War” at 9:30pm. (2007) Tom Hanks & Julia Roberts.

SUNDANCE:

Stanley Kubrick’s Boxes” at 9pm. (2008) Documentary of the massive personal pictures, memos, notes & letters left by the dead director. Kinda like snooping don’t ya think?

TCM:

“Guys & Dolls” at 8pm. (1955) Marlon Brando & Frank Sinatra in a gangster musical.

“Hamlet” at 10:45pm. (1948) Sir Laurence Olivier won Best Actor for his role as the Prince of Denmark.

Oh! Here4beers, I watched “I AM Legend” yesterday & I hated it. It took too long to get to the point and then when Sam died, I was done with it. Creepy! I liked the Charlton Heston version better. He walked off into the sunset with a woman to pro-create! (thanks for clearing up the title.)

That’s it for today kids. See ya tomorrow.

love

chooch