Monday Night with Cloris.

We have new episodes of “Gossip Girl”, “The Hills”, “Heroes” and even my favorite chef, Alton Brown, is back with a brand new episode of “Good Eats” Is there anything better than that? Check it out after the jump…..

How many times will her breasts be fondled tonight?

“True Blood”: His hand jutted out, grabbed her by her ankle, pulling her back and he literally climbed out of the ground, naked, covered in wet leaves and dirt. He pulled his dirty, naked body on top of hers and proceeded to forcefully, yet passionately have his way with her. She fought back, pushing and scrambling to get away until she realized it was HIM. They succumbed to the dark, animal urges of the night. If that’s what a ‘fangbanger’ does, I want some of that! That girl was boucing around, at work later, like she’d taken a fist full of speeders. It was kinda creepy, but I couldn’t take my eyes away. You can’t do that watching “True Blood”. There is just too much to see. But seeing Stephen Root as Lafayette’s gay, v-blood connection was over the top!!! My poor Jason did it again. He’s got himself all involved with Amy & now he’s nothing but a scumgobbling VDDD! (vampire draining, drug dealer). At least the demon is out of Tara’s mama & she made breakfast, did the laundry & went to church. Halleluiah, Praise the Lord! Now Tara needs to scrape up another $445 to drown her own possum.

“Mad Men”s finale and “Dexter” were both totally awesome last night too. I am officially on “GOOD TV” overload. I will discuss these two shows in our TVGasm forums. Come join me later, if you love these shows like I do.

Let’s get to tonight’s choices:

ABC:

“Dancing with the Stars” at 8pm. They are going to have to quit playing safe with Cloris. We are getting down to the really good dancers & I would hate to see one of them go before her.

Sammantha Who?” at 9:30pm. (new)

“Boston Legal” at 10pm. (new) This show is worth watching tonight because it features Betty White. She’s TV’s longest living Icon & makes any show good just by being on it.

CBS: Every one of their shows is a repeat tonight. What’s up with that crap!

“Big Bang Theory” at 8pm. (repeat)

“How I Met Your Mother” at 8:30pm. (repeat)

“Two & 1/2 Men” at 9pm. (repeat)

“Gary Unmarried” at 9:30pm. (repeat) What the hell happened to “Worst Week”? I’d much rather watch a repeat of that show then the stupid “Gary” show.

“CSI: Miami” at 10pm. (repeat)

NBC:

“Chuck” at 8pm. (new)

“Heroes” at 9pm. (new) Is Sylar going to really save Peter from Dad? I smell a rat or is that just Molinder?

“My Own Worst Enemy” at 10pm. (new) Edward loves getting laid by Henry’s wife. He thinks it’s a fair trade for Henry driving his car. Poor Henry gets stuck doing all the spy jobs & torture sessions.

CW:

“Gossip Girl” at 8pm. (new)

“One Tree Hill” at 9pm. (new)

FOX has Game #5 of the World Series. Tampa Bay Rays @ Philadelphia. The Phillies are up 3-1 & if they win tonight they will be the ‘World Series Champions’ for the second time in the 125yr history of the franchise.

A&E:

“Intervention” at 8pm. (repeat)

“Intervention” at 9pm. (new) A girl is a huffer addict using canned PC cleaner 24/7. I never thought I could get a buzz from that shit. I thought it was just canned air.

“Paranormal State” at 10pm. (new)

FOOD Network:

“Good Eats” at 8pm. (NEW!) Alton’s theme: “Oh My, Meat Pie!” I have learned more from this show than any other cooking show. Alton is the best & I’m glad we have new episodes!

“How’d That Get on My Plate” at 8:30pm. (new) Jalapenos. YUK!

“Unwrapped” at 9pm. (new) The All-Candy Expo.

“Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives” at 10pm. (new) Early morning breakfasts.

MTV:

“Sex with Mom & Dad” at 8pm.

“Paris Hilton’s New BFF” at 8:30pm.

“The Hills” at 9:30pm. (repeat)

“The Hills” at 10pm. (new)

“The Hills Aftershow” at 10:30pm.

TLC:

“Little People Big World” at 8 & 8:30pm. (new)

“Jon & Kate Plus *” at 9pm. (new)

“17 & Counting” at 10pm. (new)

TRAVEL: “Bizarre Foods Halloween Special” at 9pm. Horrifying foods from around the world. Hmmmm… they didn’t come to my house.

NGC has new episodes of “Locked Up Abroad” at 9pm, followed by “Taboo” at 10pm.

TNT has “The Closer” at 9pm with “Raising the Bar” at 10pm.

VH1 airs new episodes of “Real Chance of Love” at 9pm, with “Scream Queens” at 10pm. (this is a great show. These ‘queens’ make me scream, laughing that is. (I’m so funny.)

In the non-Horror Movie category:

HBO: “The Departed” at 9pm. OMG! “edge of my seat” movie. and it has Leo too!

HBOW: “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” at 7pm. Leo & Johnny together.

FLIX: “Sex, Lies & Videotape” at 8pm. James Spader before William Shatner.

BRAVO: “National Lampoon’s Vacation” at 10pm.

CMT: “Funny Farm” at 10:30pm.

SpikeTV: “Training Camp” at 9pm.

My TV plans: “Dancing with Cloris”, “Eating with Alton”, “Torturing with Christian” & “Screaming with the Queens”.

love

chooch

“GHOUL GUIDE”

ABCFamily: 8pm: “Godzilla” (1998) US version.

IFC: 9pm: “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (1974)

Encore: 8pm: “Grindhouse” (2007) Quentin Tarantino dbl feature “Death Proof” & “Planet Terror”.

SciFi repeats Stephen King’s “The Stand” all day starting at 11am.

AMC has been a disappointment to me. They have promoted their “HorrorFest Week” as some of the best horror movies ever, but they keep repeating the same movies over & over again and they aren’t even the good movies. Why all the repeats of “Constantine’? I’ve never heard of this movie until I started “Ghoul Guide”. We still have 4 nights left, maybe they are waiting till the end to bring out the “real terrors’. I did find two that aren’t repeats tonight:

“8pm: “House on Haunted Hill” (1999)

10pm: “Return to House of Haunted Hill” (2007)

CHILL:

9pm: “The Exorcist III: The Legion”. (1990)

4am (tuesday) “House of Dark Shadows” (1970) This is a cult classic of the soap opera of the same name starring Jonathan Frid as vampire Barnabas Collins.

FX:

8pm: “Alien vs Predator”

10:30pm: “Blade” with Wesley Snipes.

Not much horror going around tonight. Maybe tomorrow night will be a real fright night. Stop by and see what I find.

love

Big Booty