Searching for Mr Goodbar

Desperate Housewives

By EdHIll | Monday, October 24, 2005 | 3:51 pm | 85 Comments

desphouse102305_5.jpgSo I have a confession to make. I really wanted to like Desperate Housewives. I really did. Before I started recapping it this season I even went that extra mile and rented the entire first season on DVD to get up to speed. And the first season wasn’t really that bad. I mean, it wasn’t great and it still doesn’t deserve half the attention it’s getting, especially when there are other far more deserving shows toiling in obscurity (this seasons West Wing. Run Santos! Run!), but it was a passable nighttime soap. But this latest episode is just another stinker in a rather underwhelming season. Huge plot holes, storylines that go nowhere, blatant logical errors. It was just a mess. And in fact I have another confession to make. In order to make watching last night’s borefest palatable, I interspersed it between commercial breaks with playing the New Burnout Revenge on my Playstation 2 and drinking about two gallons of Diet Cherry Coke. It made for quite an interesting night I can tell you. So I apologize if there is some overlapping in the recap. Hey, at least I wasn’t drunk.The show opens on Lynette at work. During a presentation (so to answer the question “what the heck does she do?” we now know the answer is: advertising. Thanks for playing), she notices her boss Nina, played by Joely Fisher, a.k.a. The Fisher that wasn’t Princess Leia, is tense. And after repeated failed attempts at helping her relax, Lynette finally decides to take her out and help her do what everyone does to relax. Anonymous casual sex. Curiously enough I’m typing this at around 9am, really quietly so as not to wake up… what’s her name. Well I may not know her name but she didn’t know mine either, she kept thinking I was god. All night she just kept yelling “Oh god!” But enough about my night. The plan works as the boss comes in the next day relaxed and happy and wearing the same clothes she was wearing last night and with the stink of monkey sex enveloping her like a fog. No walk of shame for this girl.

desphouse102305_1.jpgSusan meanwhile is meeting with her overly clichéd Jewish agent Lonny, played by the guy everyone remembers from Princess Bride. You know, the bald short guy with the lisp. Susan loves Lonny because he was the person that was always there for her through the rough times of her life. He invites her out to lunch where he makes her a proposal. He is going to start his own agency, and he wants Susan to be his first client. She quickly agrees, but when she mentions calling the current agency and letting them know she’s leaving them, Lonny tries to talk her out of it. When she presses him as to why, Lonny then admits that he was fired because he was “moving money around,” meaning he is an embezzler. Susan, being a moron, still agrees to go with him.

Over in jail, Gabrielle is showing Carlos her ultrasound, which must be at about 1 million times magnification because Gabrielle’s stomach is still flat as a board. I have a feeling the baby will grow at “soap opera speed,” where he will be born one season, and by season four he’s in high school. Soon their lawyer shows up; the hunky Max Headroom named David. Once he walks in the room Carlos immediately tells Gabrielle to find another lawyer, since Carlos doesn’t trust his wife around good looking men. Now of course this makes no sense because the man is in jail. Even if she isn’t banging the lawyer, Carlos is behind bars. She can bang any guy she wants anytime she wants and Carlos would never know or be able to stop her. This is indicative of the bad writing on this show. Half the stuff just doesn’t even make sense, and I’m using the extremely forgiving TV soap opera logic that lets Charlie Salinger get cancer on season three of Party of Five and then be fine in season four.

Later, Gabrielle has David come over for a meeting to try and convince him to stay on the case. David, being a slick Don Juan, simply walks into her house and starts to try and open up a bottle of her wine. Just like Johnnie Cochran used to do. David assures her that he will come up with something to convince Carlos to have him stay. And at the prison the next day we find out what. In another example of truly bad writing (which has become this show’s forte) David says that if he fires him, then he will seduce Gabrielle, and the only way not to have him do that, is keep him on. Does this make any sense whatsoever? Of course not. Is it even the slightest bit witty? Nope. It’s endemic of this show lately. It’s just a big steaming turd of a moment. Of course Carlos agrees, and David stays on. In other news, I got two revenge takedowns in one race on Burnout: Revenge. It gave me a gold medal and I was rewarded with the new modified GT Racer. It’s got a crash rating of SEVEN for god’s sake!

desphouse102305_3.jpgWhen we see Bree she is at the police station trying to get Rex’s body back. Detective Barton, playing “good cop,” lets her have the body back without putting up a fight. When she comes by later to pick it up, the detective then reveals the evidence he’s been keeping from her. Rex’s dying note where he admitted he believed Bree was poisoning him. When he tries to convince her to admit that she poisoned him, an enraged Bree just grabs the gurney with the now overused fake Rex body inside and leaves in one of her patented huffs. Rex’s body has had so much screen time at this point they should just start a spin-off show called “Rex.” Kinda like Weekend at Bernie’s. Every week the body can get into some sort of crazy mix ‘em up and it’s up to his new college frat boy roommate Brad and his pet monkey Scooter to get him out. Then at the end of every episode they all head to the Regal Beagle for a drink and the monkey starts flinging its poo. I would totally watch that.

This week we also get a return to what I have named “the most uninteresting subplot in television history.” I mean when you look at the long history of TV drama subplots there are some biggies. Is Higgins really Robin Masters? Will they be able to Trick B.A. Barackas into flying again? Is Screech bisexual? (Answer = Hell yeah.) But none are as boring as the “who’s locked in the Applewhite’s basement” storyline on this season’s Desperate Housewives.

Betty is over at Edie’s house dropping off mail that was accidentally left at her house. Edie says it happens all the time since the mailman had a stroke. How much you wanna bet that at some point this season the writers are going to need a plot device to have an important piece of mail go to the wrong house? Simply invent a ridiculous story about a forgetful postman and problem solved. You know that theory about a million moneys with a million typewriters being able to write the complete works of Shakespeare if given enough time? Apparently they end up writing this stuff first.

When Edie walks in the other room, Betty hears a news report about a 17-year-old girl named Melanie Foster who was murdered in Chicago four months ago. Hmmm. That was the same time the Vice President’s brother was murdered in a Chicago parking garage by Lincoln Burroughs. A coincidence? Who knows? But for anyone dying to see a better show, don’t forget Prison Break at 9 PM tonight. An all new episode. And then stop by TVgasm for the hilarious recap by sg-dub. Also, doing a vertical takedown in Burnout Revenge is really freaking hard. I’ve been trying all night but to no avail. All this Coke is making me jittery.

desphouse102305_2.jpg
Once Betty sees the news report she rushes back home to find her son Matthew conveniently watching the same channel at the same time. Don’t these people have jobs? I mean reinforced steel basement prisons aren’t cheap. It’s a lot of upkeep. Trust me on this (and don’t get me started on the price of lotion and baskets with ropes attached). When she asks him if he saw the report, he says he has and then declares that that means “we’re in the clear.”

Later we see Betty sitting at her kitchen table writing a letter when she hears the dinner alarm telling her it’s time to feed the crazy person in the basement. And for the first time we get to see who it is….. and as suspected, I don’t give a shit. It’s some kid named Caleb and Betty tells him that he has to talk about what he did to Melanie. She can’t let him go until he accepts what he did to her. So did he kill her and Betty’s covering it up? If not, then who did kill her? Why didn’t they go to the police? Is Caleb her son? Once again I can’t possibly stress enough of how much I don’t give a flying F about the answers to these questions. This storyline is so boring. But what wasn’t boring was when I got a super sweet after touch takedown in Burnout Revenge.

Upstairs Matthew sees the letter she was writing and it’s to the Chicago police telling them that they have the wrong person arrested for the murder. And she writes in a weird boxy way so no one will be able to trace it back to them through her handwriting. Of course there are always fingerprints, DNA on the saliva in the stamp, the postmark, and all that other CSI crap we’ve come to know from the eight CSI shows on every week that they can use to track them down. But who knows if the writers are smart enough to realize this? As they argue, Caleb sneaks up the stairs (Betty accidentally didn’t fasten the door correctly when she went back up) and overhears them talk about how if they find him they will execute him no matter how “slow” they think he is. With that Caleb then slinks back to his underground prison.

Meanwhile, Susan is talking with Mike about how she is going with Lonny even though she knows he’s an embezzler. Mike disagrees and says that he doesn’t believe in giving people second chances, which makes Susan regret tricking Zach into leaving last episode. At this point my rage at this show reaches its apex. I mean for Christ’s sake Mike’s entire storyline is him finding his son. The son that kidnapped Susan and tried to kill Mike, yet he refused to press charges against him. But now he doesn’t believe in second chances? Worst. Writing. Ever.

When Susan later shows up at Lonny’s house, she sees that things are not looking good. His wife has left him and he admits he is destitute after having to pay all that money back. Are you wondering why the man was apparently caught embezzling multiple clients but is not going to jail? Don’t bother. We are in Housewives land, where up is down and down is up.

After Susan pressures him, Lonny finally reveals that he even stole from Susan. She finally comes to the realization that she cannot trust Lonny anymore and tears up the contract. But not before a wacky slap sticky fight that ends with Lonny trying to kiss her and she freaks out and runs from the house. Where Susan goes, poorly written overbroad physical comedy follows. Don’t miss next week’s episode where she gets a job at a chocolate factory putting wrappers on chocolates on an assembly line. And the week after that becomes a spokesman for Vitameatavegamin.

This week’s Lynette storyline was all about her boss Nina getting some. You see once the woman had some cheap anonymous dirty sex the first night she went out with Lynette, she developed a taste for it, as do we all. So now she is dragging Lynette out every night so she can get some of that Mr. Goodbar nougat. After five nights in a row of going to the bars Lynette tries to tell her that she has to go home to her family. Nina responds by threatening her with transferring her to a less demanding account. Another illogical premise but I’ve lost count at this point. You know what else I’ve lost count of? The number of sweet ass takedowns I got in Burnout Revenge. Don’t believe me? Here’s a screenshot.

desphouse102305_6.jpg
Now THAT’S good TV

While sitting at the bar while Nina gets drinks, a creepy middle aged dude sits next to Lynette and starts rubbing her thigh. When she says she’s married he simply says “Me too!’ and pulls out his ring and continues to rub her thighs. When she tells him hands off, his says it’s not his fault because she’s been coming to a singles bar for five nights in a row. Yeah, the judge will love that. But your honor, she was begging for it. You could see it in her eyes!

Finally Lynette figures out a way to get out of babysitting Nina and her steaming hot sex-starved vagina. She goes into the bathroom, sluts herself out and then emerges as the life of the party. This takes away her wingman status from Nina so Nina sits there dejected, her carnal needs unfulfilled.

Finally the show ends on somewhat of a high note with a funny scene where Bree is reburying her husband Rex. Gabrielle, Edie, Susan, and Lynette are there at his gravesite waiting for her to show. When she appears she has them follow her to another spot. Bree than tells them in a rage that Rex actually believed that she was trying to kill her. There is no way she is going to spend the rest of eternity laying next to someone who would believe that. So when we see Rex’s final resting spot, it’s in a rundown corner of the cemetery. Bree takes off her ring and throws it into the grave.

And as we go over the final Mary Alice narration, we stop at the Young’s House, and inside we see Paul, Mary Alice’s husband who is on the run for murdering Zach’s real mom, is home opening his mail. Because the lure of unopened mail will drive any fugitive to come back home. It’s the F.B.I.’s most potent weapon against them.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and try and win the trophy for a vertical takedown.

About

85 Comments

  1. 1
    Tammy
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 4:14 pm

    Why is this person reviewing the show if he hates it so much? I thought this was the best episode of the season. I thought the Susan storyline was stupid, but I liked everyone else’s story. How can Paul be back at his house? Didn’t Betty move into his house? I also think Betty needs to interact more with the other housewives. And I liked that the other housewives are finally starting to hang out again. Edie was also very funny this episode.

  2. 2
    Bobbie
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 4:28 pm

    Yeah, c’mon EdHill–this ain’t supposed to be DALLAS. You gotta think of it more like Dallas on crack. Or poppers. Or maybe ‘shrooms. Or doin’ all three at camp, emphasis on CAMP.

  3. 3
    Joe
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 4:43 pm

    Loved the recap EdHill – don’t even need to watch the show! It seems the worst shows get the best recaps.
    Tammy: TvGasm is all about the snark not the show so go on over to abc and read THEIR recap of this crap if you don’t like it. Bobbie: This show ain’t ‘camp’. This is Bad TV trying to be good TV, where camp at least has at least one redeeming quality which I cannot seem to pinpoint right this second.

  4. 4
    Nony Mouse
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 4:48 pm

    TVGasm really needs to find someone else to recap Desperate Housewives. I love the sarcasm on this blog, but I’d rather the recapper likes the show being summarized. Fire EdHill (for this show, at least). Desperate Housewives is one of my top 5 Must See shows.

    Oh, and the OC sucks. Have meant to mention that here for months. 90210 wannabe.

  5. 5
    Jessica
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 4:52 pm

    I totally agree with Ed. I liked housewives last year….but it’s almost unbearable to watch this season. Everything that he pointed out was right on.
    Susan is by far the stupidest character ever created, and it hurts to watch her scenes…
    Mike is a hypocrate.
    I could care less about the dude in the basement…
    The whole new lawyer thing is awful…
    The only thing I kind of liked was Felicity Huffman. She’s the only thing that brings a touch of cred to this show….Don’t get me wrong…I grew up on 90210 and Melrose Place….so if anyone can truly appreciate a good night time soap it’s me….but Desperate Housewives needs to make up its’ mind. Is it a serious show that is emmy worthy, or is it just so bad it’s good?
    At this point it’s neither to me.

  6. 6
    Liz
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 5:11 pm

    Housewives Schmousewives. Don’t dare fire EdHill. I adore him. Now if I could just get some love for Arrested Development, the best half hour on television.

  7. 7
    Tony B!
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 5:14 pm

    I agree, the show sucks this season. The first season’s tone was right on.

    Who cares about the homicidal ‘tard in the basement? Who cares if Mike gets Zack to act like his son?

    Too bad the show wasn’t reviewed by a homo because then he’d know that the scene in the cemetary was completely lifted from Steel Magnolias. TO THE T!!!

    I hope they get it together otherwise the widespread backlash is on it’s way! Friends didn’t have a backlash until season 3. Get it together DH!!!

    I thought at least Julia Sweeney’s consulting producer credit would bring some reality to the show…what has she been doing over there?

  8. 8
    sg-dub
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 5:36 pm

    I don’t watch this show, but I do miss my PS2 that you’re playing all that Burnout2 on (though, y’know if I had had it last weekend, it would have been ruined with my flooded basement. So yeah, go get that Vertical Takedown or whatever.)

    Anyway, I’m sure this joke was made somewhere along the line, but if not, here goes… Wouldn’t it have been funny if that blond lady’s “missing” twins were locked in the black lady’s basement? (I read the comments to all the shows, so I know that sorta makes sense… right?)

    As for “firing” EdHill… god no! Then I may be asked to fill in on this horrible show! Ugh.

  9. 9
    The Svan
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 5:52 pm

    Nice review Mr. EdHIll. All those who are complaining are obviously overweight women who get off on shitty TV like this. Someone who see’s it shitness makes it more enjoyable for the intelligent TVgasm fan. Obviously there are a couple in these comment section that don’t fit that bill.

  10. 10
    Liz
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:01 pm

    Shitness = my new favorite word. Mad shout outs to The Svan.

  11. 11
    NYGirl
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:14 pm

    sg-dub– i’d back you up with your reference, but I must confess that I stopped watching D.H in the middle of season one, so I have no idea what “blonde” you are talking about..wish I could help you out there.
    But I do agree with EdHill-the storylines in Desperate Housewives are as unbelievable as seeing an “ethnic” person on Laguna Beach

  12. 12
    NYGirl
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:17 pm

    Oh, and KUDOS to Lynette for sluttin’ it up! someone had to take Gabrielle’s place

  13. 13
    Boris Becker
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:23 pm

    Ed – less about your exploits in the bed please. Let’s just stick to the facts.

  14. 14
    mere2142
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:38 pm

    Just a randon factoid…the guy who plays Carlos’ new laywer is Natalie Maines (Dixie Chicks) husband. I’m full of useless information.

    Ed- Your recaps are great. don’t listen to the haters. The show is quickly going downhill this season but your recaps are worth sticking around.

  15. 15
    Mark
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:39 pm

    You should have gotten screencaps of Bree freaking out. I’d like to see Desperate Housewives Deathmatch. Marcia v. Eva–who will win?

  16. 16
    Brian
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:42 pm

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…..too much going on and not enough happening.
    The Susan storyline (whatever it was supposed to be)was just a waste of time but at least it was classic Bree lst night.

  17. 17
    Dana
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:46 pm

    Ed- why did you take the time to type your recap if you still had a willing woman in your bed? I’m sure you could have found a way to “wake” her. You must like the show a little bit then.

  18. 18
    The Svan
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 6:56 pm

    Perhaps Mr. Hill is a bit older and therefore needs a bit more, ahem, “recovery time”.

  19. 19
    TexasK
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 7:05 pm

    Damn TVGasm … I guess the price you pay for your site’s increasing popularity is the also increasing number of really friggin’ touchy people reading it. Reading comments used to be as fun as reading the recaps — now I just find myself rolling my eyes at the uber-fanatical devotees of political correctness and the anti-snarks. But I still loves me the ‘gasm.

  20. 20
    momo
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 7:29 pm

    well this episode blowed. umm is that the right tense, is blew or blowed? anyway, it sucked and blowed!

    there are way too many story lines going on. they aren’t really concentrating on one storey line so it sometimes feels like your running around in circles, watching this show. i loved this show last season, but i’m just about ready to give up on it and just stick to grey’s anatomy.

    what was up with Lynette? she can’t say no to her new boss because she’ll get fired…….ooooohhh joley fisher and her boobs are sooo scary.

  21. 21
    shan
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 8:49 pm

    This season is so terrible, I have been bored from the season premiere. I thought I was the only one, now I see I am not. EdHill should not be replaced, he gets it!!!

  22. 22
    runswithscissors
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 9:38 pm

    Did anyone notice Bree’s weird neck muscles when she was freaking out at Rex’s gravesite? Yuck.

  23. 23
    Victoria
    Posted October 24, 2005 at 9:58 pm

    Brian (#16) I absolutely agree! I absolutely loved the “Rex” spinoff-now that is a TVgasm!

  24. 24
    crabkanu
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 2:49 am

    i think the correct term is blew. To be honest tvgasm is great. Im in england and this ste saves me wondering what the hell is going on in the states. Lets face it many shows have great first seasons and lose their luster. Im worried about prison break, i want a second season. Also i dont know how the show manages to be good even though its executive produced by brett ratner. Any man that dates serena williams has no taste.

  25. 25
    jenny10girl
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 5:56 am

    Right on TexasK (#19)! …And EdHill ROCKS!

  26. 26
    Megs
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 6:29 am

    Everyone just sit back and relax. Just because he is reviewing the show, doesn’t mean he has to like it. If you haven’t noticed, a lot of the writers don’t like the shows that they review, and its sooo much better when they don’t….besides Desperate Housewives is sooooooooooo lame. Now, could we get an Arrested Development recap por favor?

  27. 27
    Bobbie
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 6:43 am

    Let’s clarify–I’m no hater! I laughed all through this recap, as I tend to do through most of what we all come here for. Gad, I find great recharging in a laugh, don’t you? And that’s why I watch DH in the first place…Here’s my Sunday night: Alternately laughing and moaning at America’s Funniest Videos, indulging in some prurient sobbing at Extreme Makeover Home edition, capped off with flat out roaring at the antics of those silly twits on Wisteria Lane–O! The catharsis! Then I tuck me into beddy-bye all primed up for another week in the real world. that would be this 3-D one, not the one on MTV…Give it a shot–try LAUGHING at DH–or groaning in delight at its paptent idiocy, then stoke up on more much needed hilarity here at TVgasm all week long. Good stuff. On anyone’s watch.

  28. 28
    Bobbie
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 6:45 am

    Forgive the typos–I am woring in a dark classroom whilst my little darlings watch THE BIRDS–and I went to the Woddward and Bernstein School of Typing.

  29. 29
    jash
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 7:37 am

    EdHill sucks, i vote SG-Dub for class president!

    geeze, stop whining all you cranky girls and just be happy EdHill actually posted something funny for us to read while BORED TO DEATH at the office!

    i cant stand the whole bree-george-andrew storyline. now andrew is off to attitude camp, and creepy george is around. what i also want to know is how they intend to remove rex’s name from the tombstone as it was a stone for two people and rex’s name is currently on it. but i’m sure we’ll never see that point closed either.

  30. 30
    Tiffany
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 7:47 am

    I LOVE EDHILL!!!

  31. 31
    TripleThreat
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 7:59 am

    I was so excited for this recap because I thought this episode was the best one of the season. Finally I wasn’t disappointed on Sunday. The recap was funny, but not as funny as last week, which had me instant messaging the link all over the office (j/k… kinda). Maybe if you weren’t distracted it would have had more zinging one-liners with random obscure references (Andy Dufresne, still laughing about that one…).

    I know I am not kidding anyone, see ya’ all next week.

  32. 32
    callygirl
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:09 am

    Last season, there was a central mystery plotline (the whole Mary Alice-Zach-Deirdre thing) to tie the show and all of the characters together. This season, they have failed to establish a central common thread. I think they’re trying to with the killer in basement story, but that’s not linked to all of the main characters. It becomes a show focused on the disjointed plotlines of each woman instead of a show with a central story from which the other individual stories branch out.

  33. 33
    Leah
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:27 am

    I agree that this show makes less and less sense. I don’t know why Lynette is having so much trouble with this job when the whole thing that prompted her to go back to work was that someone in the industry wanted to give her, not her husband, a job. I did enjoy the freakout at the gravesite but I think that story is going nowhere. This must be the dumbest police force in town (and Bree has turned her brain off completely).

    and ‘slow’ black guy in the basement?!? that is depressing!!

    I think the acting is still strong, (with the exception of ‘zany’ susan), but the writers need some coaching from the Lost staff on how to get good mystery.

  34. 34
    Mary
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:29 am

    I stopped watching the show because of that goddamn dead narrator lady. The way she talks make me want to shove spikes in my eyes.

  35. 35
    M
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:38 am

    Lynette’s body is unbelievable. When she was dancing on the bar I could have misktaken her for Madonna!
    And at least this episode Lynette finally mentioned the twins, however, still no sight of them.

  36. 36
    CB
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:41 am

    I love EDIE!!! I really didnt like her at first because all she did was try to be a bitch. But this episode really started to show some of her potential. She is hilarious, to the point and will tell you like it is. She can be a bit BOLD (for lack of a better word) but I LIKE IT!!!

  37. 37
    CB
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:42 am

    HOw can ike expect Susan to accept Zach? He is a raving lunatic!!!!

  38. 38
    CB
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:44 am

    I ment mike not ike

  39. 39
    CM
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 10:22 am

    I don’t know why, but the show sucks this season. I read the recaps because they’re funnier than the show.

    I know that it’s so un-”PC” to be “PC” these days but, Tony B!, you need to back up with the ‘tard and homo references. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and you sound like an ass. And the same goes for you, Svan. “Overweight women” across America thank you for shutting up.

  40. 40
    ferrisismyhero
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 10:48 am

    Did anyone else notice that Lynnette was dancing to “Boogie Shoes” just like she did in Sports Night? Sorry, just thought I’d point it out. . .

  41. 41
    Intrepid
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 12:19 pm

    #35 – M
    Maybe, but at least Madonna has some tits… Lynette is flat as a board!! Geez I never noticed until then.

    ~Intrepid

  42. 42
    Ali
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 12:26 pm

    ANOTHER WRITER INCONSISTENCY
    So Lynette can’t take off work for her son’s first day of school or anything related to her family, but when Bree needs to REbury her husband Lynette takes the morning off (Bree said it would be Friday morning)?!?!

    Also, Rex would have smelled incredibly bad by now, no one seems to notice.

  43. 43
    CB
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 12:34 pm

    Hes probably been in the freezer, so at least he is cold….CHances are someone woul dbe able to take off work for a funeral rather that a first day of school, I think thats more realistic with Jobs these days. Of course mine is very flexible, but obviously Nina is a BIG C-U-N-T. I heard she is going to get pregnant and Lynette will get her job…

  44. 44
    Britt
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 12:53 pm

    I agree- while the recapper might be good and he might be right- why is he recapping if he doesnt even like the show- Ill stick to televisionwithoutpity.com ‘s reviews. They have the sarcasm and they are just as fair. This guy needs to go.

  45. 45
    protegefox
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 1:15 pm

    EdHill – don’t worry – you may suck but not as much as JUnit’s self important ANTM recaps. What’s worse – a shitty show with a shitty recap or an awesome show recapped by someone who truly believes that he is an LA and modeling expert.

  46. 46
    Aries
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 1:40 pm

    I hope whoever is in charge at TVgasm doesn’t take seriously the requests about getting another recapper who “likes” the show, which I guess means will only focus on the positive. But there’s not many positives in this seriously flawed show and this recap only touched the tip of the iceberg. As other posts noted, there’s no common thread to link all the housewives so we have to follow all of their individual plot lines which are boring. It doesn’t help that none of these actresses have the charisma or presence to carry out their scenes. In the glory days of ER (when George Clooney was still on) this was never a problem. Anthony Edwards, Julianna Margulies, Eric LaSalle,et. al. still kept viewers captivated even if George wasn’t involved in the story line. The same cannot be said for the actresses on this show. Separately or together, they are all dull. I’m not sure what the writers and producers can do to fix the problem. But then since 24 million people watched this past Sunday’s episode, they probably don’t think there’s anything to fix.

  47. 47
    Aries
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 1:41 pm

    I hope whoever is in charge at TVgasm doesn’t take seriously the requests about getting another recapper who “likes” the show, which I guess means will only focus on the positive. But there’s not many positives in this seriously flawed show and this recap only touched the tip of the iceberg. As other posts noted, there’s no common thread to link all the housewives so we have to follow all of their individual plot lines which are boring. It doesn’t help that none of these actresses have the charisma or presence to carry out their scenes. In the glory days of ER (when George Clooney was still on) this was never a problem. Anthony Edwards, Julianna Margulies, Eric LaSalle,et. al. still kept viewers captivated even if George wasn’t involved in the story line. The same cannot be said for the actresses on this show. Separately or together, they are all dull. I’m not sure what the writers and producers can do to fix the problem. But then since 24 million people watched this past Sunday’s episode, they probably don’t think there’s anything to fix.

  48. 48
    Aries
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 1:43 pm

    Sorry about the duplicate posts, stupid computer’s fault.

  49. 49
    realityfan
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 1:58 pm

    EdHill sucks! The reason why B-side’s recaps are so good is that he actually enjoys the shows. B-Side should defect and just get his own site.

  50. 50
    NYGirl
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 2:23 pm

    ^though i , too , enjoy reading b-side’s laugna commentaries, i don’t think anything should be taken away from the other writers on the site. they are all very funny and, honestly, those of you who are bitching and moaning about the recaps could NOT do any better of a job with the crappy shows that these poor bloggers have to sit through: apprentice, martha stewart? Making the band? ANTM? thanks, but i’d rather drill a hole in my head than watch that garbage for more than 5 minutes. if you get so pissy about reading edhill’s “biased” recaps, then go on another website and read its Desperate Housevives recap. the less complainers on this site, the better.
    nice job, edhill..the video game looks amazing

  51. 51
    cappy
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 2:30 pm

    NYGirl sucks too.

  52. 52
    The Svan
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 2:31 pm

    CM,
    Put down the doughnut and try and think clearly. Maybe then you can understand The Svan.

  53. 53
    jash
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 2:37 pm

    judging by these comments, seriously, i didnt realize the primary demographic of the people who post was MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS.

    television without pity? haha, yes, i have three hours to read a recap on a 40minute show (without commercials).

    these people are ALL funny and again i cannot stress enough that you should at least be thankful these tards are posting something witty and humorous for us to read! its not like you are paying to read the site!

  54. 54
    NYGirl
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 3:01 pm

    cappy- i’m sorry, did i offend you?
    nah, i don’t think i directed anything towards you. why don’t you just let me have my opinions, and i’ll let you have yours.
    god, why does it seem like this site is flooding with people who take themselves and their crappy shows WAY too seriously? lighten up

  55. 55
    J-Unit
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 3:39 pm

    I would like to say that I hope EdHill is actually drunk next time he recaps Desperate Housewives. I’m sorry it took people so long to get on the bandwagon realizing this show sucks. Oh how the world will implode when they come to that realization with Laguna.

    realityfan – did I hit your dog or leave you a bad tip or something? Did I go to your house and not courtesy flush? Did I leave your sister at the altar or break up with her on a post-it note? Seriously how did I get dragged into this discussion.

    I hope whoever is in charge at TVgasm doesn’t take seriously the requests about getting another recapper who “likes” the show

    Don’t worry, we usually just make fun of the people who whine while we’re getting drunk with our friends.

  56. 56
    chark hammis
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 3:45 pm

    Ed Hill rocketh. The dude had me busting up with his Burnout recap. Well, done sir. Well done indeed.

    And to all the complainers… GOOD DAY, SIR!

  57. 57
    Liz
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 4:54 pm

    Holy Shit! Can I get a round of Quaaludes up in this mutha? I’m about to guest blog all yer asses. All these writers are great and everyone can have a bad day, (except for B-Side. I’m in room 706, the key’s under the mat). EdHill was always one of my favorite commentors and I was dee-lighted that he blogged a crappy show that I don’t watch. For all the haters, I’m not naming any names but their initials are Yoko Ono, take the afforementioned Lude, have a glass of wine, and chill the fuck out. Oh what the hell. Take the whole bottle. And to think, I quit waxing intellectual on progressive education, politics, organic gardening and the like for this. What can I say, I truly am a junkie always itching for that next TVGasm.

  58. 58
    bernige
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 6:40 pm

    If you’re looking for a great nighttime soap, with sex, humor and a great mystery, check out “Pasadena” on the Soap Network on Saturday nights. This show was created by Mike White, aired for 3 episodes on Fox like 4 years ago, and now is finally showing in its whole run. Best scenes so far have included the housekeeper barfing on the teenage girl while serving breakfast, the mom taking a baseball bat to the windshield of her husband’s mistress’s Audi, and the misfit brother waking up in bed with a hardbody homosexual after a night bingeing on coke. Can we get someone to recap this show please???

  59. 59
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 8:05 pm

    Wait a minute…I thought this website only recapped crappy shows and all reality shows. You know, the ones with a high snark value? But then I realized that my taste in shows must be what sucks. I LOVE Prison Break and 24! And those are bothed recapped here.

    Must.Find.Inhaler…Can’t.Breathe…

  60. 60
    Sarah
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 9:27 pm

    Ugh half of the complaints you have regarding continuity have been addressed in previous episodes. We’ve known since the first half of the first season that Lynette was in advertising before she became a stay-at-home mom. If you can’t pay attention, don’t recap this shit okay? Thanks.

  61. 61
    jenny
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 10:31 pm

    i enjoyed your recap even if you dont like the show and i also wanted to know if you are the same edhill that commented on last weeks real world episode. if so i wanted to thank you for making me laugh so hard at the say anything reference you made “joe lies. joe lies when he cries.” youre hilarious

  62. 62
    Victoria
    Posted October 25, 2005 at 11:24 pm

    Entertainment Weekly has an article enititled “What’s wrong with Desperate Housewives?” So it’s not just us.

    All this talk about Lynette has reminded me of a plot point that was never resolved: remember when her husband had to travel for his job and he had some major secret that was never revealed? What he hell was it?!

  63. 63
    Lisa
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 12:19 am

    What’s with the complaining people. It’s one person’s opinion. You don’t like it.. tough shit.
    Everything isn’t going to be kittens and puppies.

    Anyways.. I still love the show but your recaps always entertain me!
    Keep it up!

  64. 64
    Dana
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 8:20 am

    Keep on keeping on EdHill. I aprreciate sarcasm, and I like reading the recaps.

  65. 65
    Britt
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 8:32 am

    I ‘aprreciate’ the sarcasm too. Im sure Spedhill will have some interesting comments on all this banter in his next rant about dh’s. Can’t wait!

    Oh and Im glad we dont have to pay for it. Cause noone would pay for it. There are so many recapping sites (albeit this is my favorite) Im not a TVgasm hater just a not a fan of spedhill.
    But I love the Real world recaps! BEST EVER!

  66. 66
    sg-dub
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 11:09 am

    Britt –

    Glad you can appreciate sarcasm. Cause maybe you’ll “get” this:

    Gee, I wish YOU recapped DH somewhere, I mean, with your overuse of your one joke in just 6 short sentences, I’m sure it would be oh-so hilarious.

    Thanks for reading!

  67. 67
    Murph
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 11:45 am

    EdHill rocks!! I love how people are so critical. Don’t read the damn thing then. Go to the ABC site and get the real recap.

  68. 68
    britt
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 12:17 pm

    You are ‘oh so’ welcome! Geez- I love how the peeps on this site can dish out all this ish and can’t take a little critism.
    SPEDHILL- see I used it 3 times! B-SIDE FOR PRESIDENT! Ha. I LOVE IT.

  69. 69
    EdHill
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 1:13 pm

    all this back and forth and not one comment on my “steaming hot sex-starved vagina” ? (the joke that is)

    That was comic GOLD people.

    Even my mom said so.

  70. 70
    B-Side
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 2:16 pm

    I think EdHill is the bestest.

  71. 71
    callygirl
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 2:25 pm

    What is up with the ubercritical tvgasm posters all of a sudden? Edhill is attacked for questioning season 2 of DH, something that just about everyone is doing, and over at the Veronica Mars recap, people are throwing crazed hissy fits because a recapper dares to not like a character. Good grief.

  72. 72
    Vag Hag
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 7:57 pm

    EdHill, I love you. I’ll show YOU a “steaming hot sex-starved vagina”. Oh yeah, and DH sucks balls.

  73. 73
    Dana
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 11:22 pm

    I was only critical of your lack of hitting it the next morning EdHill. I’m sure you’ll try “harder” next time.

  74. 74
    Donna Martin Graduates!
    Posted October 26, 2005 at 11:48 pm

    Ali (#42) — Rex was embalmed.

    Britt (#44) — yeah, the TWOP recaps are fantastic, esp in tone, but I can’t wait till Sat.

    Mad props to Spedhill for the Lucille Ball refs — too funny!

    More rawr comments from The Svan!!! Yeah.

  75. 75
    TV-OD
    Posted October 27, 2005 at 4:59 am

    EdHill is dreamy.

  76. 76
    hil
    Posted October 27, 2005 at 1:26 pm

    I’d have a drink with any of the TVGasm guys. Of course, they’d be paying.

  77. 77
    tbone
    Posted October 28, 2005 at 6:44 am

    I wonder if its just 3 or 4 people who post under different names?
    PS DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES- is the best SN ever!!! That is my fav 90210 episode

  78. 78
    Donna Martin Graduates!
    Posted October 28, 2005 at 1:34 pm

    Hey, thanks tbone!

    During the late eighties, when I worked backstage on sucky Phantom of the Opera, we’d randomly yell it out over the cans (headsets) and never fail to fall down laughing.

  79. 79
    Donna Martin Graduates!
    Posted October 28, 2005 at 1:45 pm

    Ya know, tbone, you might be onto something…
    Compare comment #48 with #55

    Lisa (#63) “Everything isn’t going to be kittens and puppies.”

    WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?

  80. 80
    Tipster
    Posted October 28, 2005 at 3:43 pm

    The DH recaps are excellent and funny, and point out the incredible decline of this show from last season. However, I do wish the writer would spend less time on his personal schtick. Sure, showing a little of your personality is fine, but gawd, I feel like I live with this guy.

  81. 81
    Laura
    Posted October 29, 2005 at 5:11 pm

    DRAMA!

    Holy crap people..it’s just a re-cap.

    I gave up on this moronic excuse for entertainment last week and by the looks of things, so have alot of the rest of you.

    The fact the re-capper enjoys playstation breaks more than the mindless drivel on the tube only enhances the re-cap.

    The ‘gasm isn’t the place for blind faith in programs that are just asking for disdain.

    Once a show has its cast proudly posing on the covers of EVERY entertainment rag in America they are REQUIRED to maintain at least some credible interest.

    This site is all about laughing at the absurdity. It’s fun, seriously.

    Flaming the esteemed bloggers of this site is kinda like Carl Rove writing hate mail to Al Franken. Ya know..pathetic?

  82. 82
    S Will
    Posted October 30, 2005 at 3:04 pm

    Ali (#42) “ANOTHER WRITER INCONSISTENCY . . . Bree said it would be Friday morning.”

    Even more inconsistency – The burial was shown after Lynette was out at the bar on Friday night.

    I think the show has lost what little held it together last year – the women together – and the sex – how about bringing back the hot shirtless guys!

  83. 83
    ha!
    Posted October 31, 2005 at 8:56 am

    So, Betty wore gloves when she was writing the letter (to keep the DNA and stuff off, I guess). But then, she and Matthew handled the letter sans gloves during their argument. So much for needing the gloves, Betty.

    ha!

    P.S. And whose house is Paul in, anyway? Does it belong to Felisha Tilman, who just went out of town? Enquiring minds are scratching their heads!

  84. 84
    yipyap
    Posted November 3, 2005 at 8:36 pm

    There is no political agenda here. This is for FUN people. Whether I liked the show or not, the review of it has me laughing outloud. Edhill, you and all the other snarkers rock. I shit you not, I laugh out loud at every review.

  85. 85
    Lee
    Posted November 9, 2005 at 10:06 am

    This is without a doubt the best “Desperate” recap on the web. Hysterically funny with dead-on observations and critique. One problem: the recaps should be posted sooner. It’s Wednesday now, and STILL no review of this past Sunday’s episode?

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