You A Shooter?

Hey Smallville fans. I am sure when you saw that there was a new episode this week, you thought you could sit back and wait for six days before I got off of my ass to write a recap. Well, I had a visit from my friend MJ this weekend, and I really listen to whatever she has to say. We were together several times over the last 24 hours, and although I thoroughly enjoyed myself (and though MJ was completely spent) she told me to finish my Smallville recap each time. Even if I was a little sleepy or hungry after our coupling, MJ insisted that I get my work done. So if you are happy for the shorter than usual wait for the recap of Smallville, make sure to thank Mary Jane if you see her. By the way, if I have to explain that joke to you, ask your kids. My dementia aside, there are two things we are wondering about as the second half of the fifth season gets started. In the big election, Kansans have a choice between Jonathan Kent and Lex Luthor, and more importantly, there is going to be a death for the 100th episode, and we are all wondering who is going to pay for Clark’s little dabble with mortality.The 100th episode is still a few weeks away, so we’re going to have to wait for a few weeks before we get an answer for our big death, but the election isn’t going to wait, so we might as well start there. And speaking of the election, has anybody ever seen a campaign like the one Jonathan and Lex are going through? This is for the state senate, meeting in the capital, as in Topeka, not the Capitol, as in where Ted Kennedy and Bill Frist hang out. I know the writers are trying to give a little flair to the politics, but I guess they have to be dramatic and have big rallies and whatnot so the assassination attempt doesn’t look so out of place. That’s right, as Jonathan finishes up his speech (why do shooters always wait until the speeches are finished?), it looks like somebody is planning to take him out. And as we pan around to take a look at who it is, the shooter turns out to be none other than Lois Lane.

I am sure that as soon as you saw that Lois was at the trigger, everybody had flashbacks to last year’s prom episode, where we saw Chloe wielding an axe, looking to blow up the school’s boiler, and all of the kids merrily dancing in the gymnasium above. Before we got to see what happened in the end, we had to rewind a few days to see the setup. The writers decided to pull that shit on us again, and we are transported to the Smallville 48 hours prior for the back story on Lois’ Lee Harvey Oswald impersonation.

Before we saw that Lois as the shooter, I was thinking that this assassination attempt had to be set up by Lex. He had told that guy Griff to come up with whatever he could to put away Jonathan Kent, and used lots of various explosion analogies to demonstrate that he was willing to go very far to win the election, but killing Jonathan? That seemed like a lot, even for Lex. Besides, two days earlier, he was looking pretty calm, and not like he was going to kill anybody. He was doing the campaign thing at his mansion, and he even found time to give a very rousing speech to Central Kansas Students for Lex Luthor, who are the stereotypical Young Republicans, and you expected that somebody named Chase, Francis, or Thornberry was going to ask Lex to sign his bow tie.

One of the Central Kansas students seems to be a little more interested in Lex than the others. Her name is Samantha, and since she is a comely young woman, with blonde hair and a “Lex” pendant situated precariously between her supple young bosoms, Lex took quite the interest in her. Lex thanks them for the spike in the MTV vote, which is a lie because the MTV vote never really happens, but Lex can’t say “thanks for all the hot young ass,” so MTV vote will have to do.

Despite all of the nice eye candy, Lex has a job to do, and it looks like Griff has done his job. He wanted to meet at an undisclosed location and give Lex the goods. Once Griff gets off the phone, he turns around to see that Lionel is there. Lex offered Griff some money, but Lionel offered him more. Being the lowlife that he is, Griff took the money, and Lionel promptly burned the evidence that Griff was planning on giving to Lex. Now I don’t know if Griff didn’t know that Lionel wasn’t in on the plan, but he definitely didn’t expect the evidence to go up in smoke. Then again, he got his money, so who cares.

The reason that Jonathan was running is that his old friend, the ex-state senator was about to get caught up in a scandal once the stripper that was his mistress showed up dead. He had nothing to do with it, but had to bow out. Luckily, Jonathan got to inherit almost his entire campaign staff. The only problem with that is the campaign manager appears to be trying to turn Jonathan Kent into a stiff in a nice suite. It might be good for some politicians, but Jonathan wasn’t going to win by smiling and making his family look uncomfortable in front of cameras, or at least that is what Lois had to say, and Jonathan agreed. He fired the old guy, and hired Lois. She might not know anything about running a political campaign, but she sure does look a lot better than Karl Rove so why would I complain?

Now that Clark isn’t busy taking photographs, he is able to get back to doing what has always come natural, namely messing up a good relationship with Lana. He visits her on campus, and with Chloe nowhere in sight for this episode, they could have crazy sex all day and the only one complaining would be the downstairs neighbors. Problem is, Clark is a little wary of the, uh, “full court press” so to speak. When she jabs herself accidentally on a protractor (what does an amateurtractor look like?), he is worried he had hurt her, and backs off. Lana notices this, and starts to wonder what happen. Does Clark not find her attractive anymore? Because they haven’t “been together” since she was at Metropolis University. This all leads to yet another Clark and Lana discussion about being honest with each other, and not hiding things from each other, and blaming each other for not being closer. Will they ever make up? Will we ever care?

Back to the campaign, Jonathan is trying to finish up some work, notices something out in the barn, and when he goes to investigate, a few of those Central Kansas Students for Lex Luthor beat him up. It’s that plucky blonde and her ambiguously gay accomplices she totes around. Earlier she got into a little thing with Lois at Central Kansas over some campaign posters. Lois had told her off, and I guess she decided that she was going to make her message more direct. Earlier, Jonathan had received a threatening phone call, and so this seems to explain that whole situation pretty well.

His father may have been beaten up, but Clark is still worried about Lana. He decides to ask one of his friends, and since his only friends besides Lana are Chloe and Lois, and Lois is kind of busy, that means he is going to ask Chloe for relationship advice. As anybody who has ever had a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex that you at one time (or perhaps still do) wanted to get with, these moments tend to be a little awkward. You really need help, but don’t want to get too graphic, and your friend wants to help you, but doesn’t really need the details.

All of the above was going on between Chloe and Clark, and since Clark has superpowers, it adds a new twist. See, he is worried about adjusting his abilities to new situations, and no, he is not wondering where to put his feet during a 69. When Clark and Lana[not Lois, thanks Kerry] had sex, he was still human, and he is worried that in the heat of the moment (damn, I thought only his eyes could burn a hole in you!) something might happen. Chloe assured him that he does have control of his abilities. He doesn’t break people’s hands when he goes to give them a shake, and he doesn’t incinerate everything he looks at, so maybe the situation isn’t as bad as he thinks. Maybe Chloe just thinks that Clark needs to practice. I am sure she would volunteer, but maybe he’ll just have to go back to his loft in the barn and choke the chicken. Ha! Farm animal masturbation innuendoes are the best, especially when the person actually lives on a farm.

Clark may want to go practice, but he won’t be able to in the barn, at least not until he gets his dad down. Those crazy kids that beat him up also, strung him up upside down, with a note to get out of the race. Jonathan is rushed to the hospital, but he is not going to let this latest setback do him in. We know it wasn’t Lex, but Jonathan doesn’t, and the thought that somebody would think he would give up to intimidation is more irritating than the actual beating. Lex actually visits Jonathan, but Clark gets in the way. Lex pulled the good old “denounce the attack and offer a reward” trick that works so well for the rich and guilty. It’s almost enough for Clark to believe he is guilty, and he wonders what will ever make Lex stop. What if Lex doesn’t have enough power in the state senate, what’s next? “There’s always the white house,” Lex says, and while that is scary proposition, it actually happens in one of the comic book series.

You know the interesting thing about Jonathan’s attack? His attitude through this whole thing really propelled him in the polls, and that is exactly the opposite of what Samantha wanted to happen. Meeting back at Central Kansas, she starts to lay out her grand plan before Rod and Todd. There is one thing that they can do to make sure that Jonathan never bounces back. Now, these two guys may have joined to see how horny she gets during victory, but murder was a little too much for them. They want to turn themselves in before people start to believe Lex had planned it. Samantha won’t let that happen, and shoots them both, and in a scene that is part Taxi Driver, part Silence of the Lambs, and part Crying Game, Samantha looks at herself in the mirror, and then begins to shave her head. She’s going to be exactly like Lex if it kills her, or even if it kills him. Oh, and I know that you should be prepared for anything in a campaign, but how did they happen to have hair clippers lying around? Doesn’t that seem a little strange in itself? What else do they have behind there? An Antonio Banderas blowup doll?

Samantha saw how Lex first looked at her when they met, so she decides to pay him a visit with her new haircut. When he returns home, he thinks it’s a little strange she shaved her head, and for the first time in these four plus years that people have been barging in on him in his mansion, he wonders about his security. She tries to seduce him by dropping her robe and walking over to him naked. She looks cute for a bald girl, but sort of creepy, like the St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital sent a strip-o-gram to your house as a fundraiser. Lex is kind of turned off, especially when she hints that he is the one that wants Jonathan dead. He is about to put an end to all of this, but she knocks him out, saying that he’s lost his edge. Well, better to lose one’s head than one’s mind, don’t you think Sam?

Clark is doing his own research on his dad’s problem, and with Chloe’s help, he traces the phone calls his dad received to none other than the offices of the Central Kansas Students for Lex Luthor. When he goes there to ask questions, he finds the two guys dead, and Samantha has placed pictures of Lex’s face over their own. Samantha LOVES dramatic symbolism.

So, by now, I am a little confused. I thought I saw Lois at the beginning of the episode, but maybe it was Samantha with a wig. It turns out that it was really Lois. While Lois is observing Jonathan’s speech from above, Samantha gets the better of her, and says that Lois is going to have to kill Jonathan herself. Samantha points a gun at Lois’ head while she takes aim, but before she shoots, Lois tries once more to stop Samantha, but Samantha is not surprised, and knocks out Lois. Enough of this funny business, any good sociopath does her own killing. Samantha aims and fires, but of course Clark makes it back just in time to knock the bullet away before it hits his dad. Samantha is so stunned that Jonathan is not in a pool of his own blood that Lois is able to come back and pin her down until security arrives.

Once again, the attempt on Jonathan’s life has only served to make him more popular. It’s quite a problem for Lex. His dad is there to offer some fatherly advice, but really, how good can that advice be? I mean, we know that in the alternate universe, Lionel is upset with Lex for not doing all he could to win the against Jonathan, but in this world, it is Lionel trying to do whatever he can to undermine Lex. He not only paid off Griff (who Lex said showed up dead), but he is going to bankroll the Kent campaign. Lex doesn’t know it, Jonathan doesn’t know it, but he offered the opportunity to Martha, and although she said no at first, she finally told Lois, and they plan on going ahead with it all.

The only question left dangling out there is what is going on with Clark and Lana. She visits him while he is in the loft, and they begin to make up. Like every other time this has happened. They talk about being scared to get close, and pulling away, and how much better it will be when there are no secrets, and how about we slow down. Clark is in the clear, and maybe there is a chance that things will go back to how they used to be, but I wouldn’t count on it. Lana has been studying the meteor showers, and she came to an interesting conclusion. There was no way that they could be random, and they originate from the same place. There was a spaceship that arrived with the second one, maybe there was a spaceship that landed with the first, and whoever was on it is living among them. Clark starts to get that uncomfortable feeling he had when Chloe started dropping hints that she knew that Clark was superhuman.

This was a good episode, although I really didn’t like the “show us what happens at the end, and then show what happened before” trick. We know that Jonathan isn’t going to die in this episode, if at all this year, so to try and trick us at the beginning means we know what the climax is going to be already. Since we know Lois isn’t going to shoot him, we knew that Samantha was involved anyway. But I do like the political race story line (wonder if they’ll have a recall episode later), and the awkward sex talk between Clark and Chloe was worth it. The 100th episode is in two weeks, and since it is a big event, I’ll try and have the recap done the next day. In the previews, they didn’t show much, but we did hear screams of “Lana!” and Clark and Lex running. While I would like to think this means that Lana is going to be done for good, it is probably misdirection. Whatever happened, Chloe was probably with Lana, and Chloe dies with Lana only receiving serious injury. Then again, they didn’t show Jonathan, Martha, Chloe, or Lana, so I guess they are all fair game.

What did you think of this episode? Who do you think is going to bite it in two weeks?