Everybody Loves Twins

American Idol

By Papi | Friday, February 17, 2006 | 6:57 am | 18 Comments

brittenums_sorryThis week on American Idol: The Brittenum Twins are in jail!

Oh yeah, we already knew that.

Why they were slathered all over this week’s American Idol, I have no idea. Their singing? Mediocre. Their presence? Extremely irritating. Top Twelve potential? Of course not.

Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s Idol episodes featured the final singing battles for the last judge-oriented eliminations; next week, the phone lines open and America starts to vote. But getting to that list of 24 still required them to whittle through, what, 175 people? I don’t remember exactly how many. It was still a lot.

And how are you going to make yourself heard with the Brittenum Twins hijacking the audition process every step of the way? Tuesday’s episode shows the horrors that are the “group” auditions: those persons lucky enough to make it this far have to work together in groups of threes and fours. We barely know most of these people. Other than watching in a detached, enjoy-the-bloodbath manner, most of it doesn’t matter. And there’s way too many people to keep track of.

Of note: Sway is back, he doesn’t have his belt buckle but we still remember his name. For his group he’s stuck with one of the Brittenums, as are some guy named Elliot and another dude named Anthony. Of course they have conflicts when trying to work out the rehearsals, blah blah blah. So they barely rehearse at all. Later, they all sing; the Brittenum forgets the words to his part of the song and sounds like crap. Elliot and Sway fake it and sound snazzy. We love Sway, I think. Don’t we? The Brittenum blames his mistakes on Elliot and Sway because “they didn’t want to practice, they wanted to sleep.” And then he blames Halliburton, and Venus for being in retrograde, and McDonald’s for cancelling the McRib yet again!… But Randy and Simon tell him he did a crappy job regardless of blame. Then they everyone in the group stay, except Anthony. So the Brittenum blames Anthony…although the Brittenum is safe, so why is still blaming anyone? Shh.

Kevin Covais, the nerdy little guy we’re all secretly rooting for, does a few snazzy dance steps when he sings, and skirts through the groups. Why do we root for him so much? It’s his eyes. He’s got fight in his eyes. He’s a tough dude. Surviving one day in high school with that hair cut, you’d have to be. In Kevin’s group we also meet William Makar, a wailing tenor with the body of a mid-90’s Calvin Klein waif model. Where has this guy been? He’s great. He makes it along with Kevin.

terrellyellsBut no more fun! It’s Brittenum time again! The Other Brittenum is up, he sings with his group, and he does better than his brother. But then he stands before the judges and all of America to say “My spirit has been BROKEN…” because of the way his brother “was treated” when scolded for forgetting the words to his song. And no one understands, since the first Brittenum did make it, dummy. But no matter! The Other Brittenum protests! And the Other Brittenum quits! Take that! He storms off…with his brother looking at him like he’s a complete idiot. Which he is. Later on, they both apologize; the judges deliberate, and decide to let the Other Brittenum back in. Okay, did anyone care about all of this? I’m annoyed just typing it. I’m weary of you, Brittenums, and I hope you have a nice time in jail. Don’t drop the soap.

Beyond their hissiness, we see talent: Mandisa makes it, of course, she’s flawless; Kinnik Sky, a.k.a. “The New Trenyce,” makes it. But then some irritating girl named Brenna Smith acts like a dumb-ass and says she’s doing it to get attention, because everyone likes the bitch. (…so that means everyone must LOVE me. I’m really excited about that. ) Whatever, the act works; she’s in, and she can’t even sing that well. I fear we’ll be dealing with her for a long time, as the producers will want her around just for the ratings. Blech.

If you didn’t see this Tuesday episode, you will most certainly see one specific clip on the internet: some guy named Matthew Buckstein, some guy named Michael Evans and the ever-famous “I sing to turkeys” Garet are the center of an ode to Brokeback Mountain called “Brokenote Mountain,” a tribute-style short movie following the journey of our beloved Garet on his trip to the big audition. It’s funny. And then when they all sing together, it’s just horrible. But the true brilliance is when, in what is obviously the inspiration of the Brokeback reference, Our Little Turkey starts to cry, and is embraced by Matthew Buckstein, who tells him “You go back to that ranch, and you come back next year…you’ll never let me down.” Such a bond after, what, two days? But it is actually very sad. Matthew is obviously a very nice guy. Garet is honestly crushed. And Matthew really goes out of his way to make him feel better. And then they have intercourse in a tent.

goodbye_garet

At the end of the episode comes the “put you in four rooms” stage, where they’re told if they’ve made it as room-groups; it’s all very first-day-at-Hogwarts. I looked for the Sorting Hat, but apparently that was kept in a back room somewhere. Slytherin is up first; it’s a bunch of people we don’t know. The Slytherin room is cut. Which is good, since Slytherin is always trouble anyway. Then we go to Gryffindor, with bald dude Chris Daughtry; hot twin Rebecca O’Donohue, whose sister has injured vocal cords, if you remember her; bad-ass Sway; and our beloved Mandisa. Of course Gryffindor makes it, they’re the coolest. In Ravenclaw is Paris Bennett; gray-haired Taylor Hicks; and one of the Brittenums. Ravenclaw makes it too. So uh-oh, two rooms have made it…what about Hufflepuff? Little Kevin Covais is in there! So is soft-spoken crooner Ace, and that other damned Brittenum. Hufflepuff..makes it. Phew.

About

18 Comments

  1. 1
    happy_gal
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 6:56 am

    Does anyone else think the final 24 resemble the cast of Beauty and the Geek???? The men are adorably normal, and most of the women look like models. Of course.

    Go Taylor!!!!!!

  2. 2
    ClariceStarling
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 7:29 am

    I totally agree about Buckstein and Garret. They looked like they were about to do the dirty butt dance right there in the lobby in front of the black dude.

  3. 3
    aholic
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 8:30 am

    Good job, Papi. I think your recaps are coming along nicely.

  4. 4
    MrsC
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 8:45 am

    Yeah right… those Brittenum twins act like they wouldn’t mind “dropping the soap.” C’mon Papi, you know that straight men don’t get that “hissy.”

    Ding dong the PITA Brittenum twins are GONE!

  5. 5
    Buzzy42
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 9:04 am

    I’m glad the Brittenums are gone. I know it’s a longshort, but I had my bank account totally emptied in mid-May in Atlanta by some identity thieves. Y’know, the thing the Brittenum twins are in jail for. Since odds are I’ll never know if they found the a-holes that did it, I’ve been projecting it onto them. ;)

  6. 6
    Krizzatch
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 9:40 am

    I wish I could quit you, Garet! I love, love, love the little turkey singer. I was crushed when he was canned.

    As for the BrittenDUMBS… my hatred for them burns to the bowels of hell. I hope they are anally raped on a consistent basis by some convicts like “The Sisters” in the Shawshank Redemption.

  7. 7
    G-Money
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 9:53 am

    Waaaaaaaait a minute!!!

    Now that the humble, self-effacing twins are out, that means there are two spaces free! And two cuts may have the opportunity to slide back in! I say bring back the brother with the braids and the sister with the Orphan Annie hair! Or even the Turkey Cowpoke!!

    The look on “Broken-Spirit” twin’s face when his brother told him, “you’re gonna have to go back in and apologize…” was priceless!!! In the dictionary beneath the phrase “I really screwed up this time” should be a snapshot of the forlorn “Oh no, do I have to?” look on that guy’s face.

    Finally, that chick Brenna is kinda hot. I wouldn’t throw her out of my bed but I’d definitely keep her away from the knives after we break up. Something’s not quite right about that girl. I predict some sort of meltdown from her before the show is over. People with such an obvious false front are under tremendous self-imposed pressure to maintain it, regardless of the circumstances. I want to see what she does when things start going against her. I agree with you, Papi. She is a producer’s dream…which is a little bit different from the dreams that I’m having about her…

  8. 8
    G-Money
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 10:00 am

    Ahhhh, so shoot me. I made a mistake about there being two spots open. What? Youse guys never made a mistake? :-)

    THAT’S why I haven’t submitted my application for a job here at TVGasm! NOW I remember!

  9. 9
    holyterror
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 10:11 am

    I hate Sway.

  10. 10
    auntieboo
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 10:34 am

    Thanks, Holyterror #9 – I thought I was the only one that didn’t see the talent in Sway.

    If the Brittenton twins hadn’t caused so much drama, they would have just nixed their auditions. I think it’s hilarious that they acted so “exemplary” that week and got busted for identity theft before they could make it BIG!! Was the brother gonna quit everytime he thought his brother got cut??

  11. 11
    Lizardqueen
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 10:40 am

    I don’t get Sway. I hate what I don’t get. Ergo, I hate Sway.
    Brenna is the most grievous twat since that Mikayla from last year. And again, the bitch can’t sing. Another ugly dump with an inflated sense of self. Yeah!

  12. 12
    Rick D.
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 10:46 am

    What do you want to bet that the twins are crying in their cells that they didn’t do it? They come across as the kind that lie to themselves and then believe the lies that they are telling. Saying that there was nothing wrong with the way that they behaved in the Hollywood week? Were they even there? Do they remember what they did or are they conveniently blocking it from their memories? What a crock of B.S. They shouldn’t have been given a second chance. Simon should have just told both of them to get out of there instead of letting the one back in.

    Rick D.

  13. 13
    AbbyAnn
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 11:21 am

    I agree with you guys about Sway–don’t like him, never have.

  14. 14
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 11:57 am

    I did a search for the word “Mandisa” on google. Not sure why. Just sounded like fun. I came up with this: http://www.mandisa-ngozi.com/gallery.htm. All I want to know is, how in the WORLD did they get that baby to sit still long enough to do that?

    I don’t recognize half the people in the top/final 24. And I use the word top loosely.

    I also don’t get the fascination with this Sway character. He sucked!

  15. 15
    juddfan
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 1:57 pm

    I’m with you all on the Sway, huh!? and, my lord, I know the irritating seem to generate ratings in the minds of Reality TV makers, but I was screaming “shut ups” at my TV . . . my spirit is broken, my ass, or should I say his . . . before long . . . say hi to bubbah guys!

  16. 16
    PattiJo
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 4:54 pm

    I missed it the other night. Did they tell about the twins? What happen or do we not know that they are out yet on the show? Please someone tell me what happen with them. I am so glad they are gone.

  17. 17
    Victoria
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 11:32 pm

    Why did they have to waste so much f***ing time on those f***ing twins? They could have shown, you know, some of the SINGING! What a concept-showing singing in a singing competition. SOOO glad the asshole twins are gone!

  18. 18
    Victoria
    Posted February 17, 2006 at 11:34 pm

    Oh, and that cowboy who got cut, Matthew, was hot. How sad. It is really too bad that him and Garet got cut, because they made such a crappy song choice.

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