This is even bigger than the fall premiere. There are over 50 new & returning shows in January alone, with more in February & March. Here’s a list for ya……….1/2 Saturday:
“Miss America: Countdown to the Crown” on TLC at 10pm. Our 51, or is it 52(?), state beauty queens are on a cruise ship for this 4-part audience participation show. The viewers get to vote for four, of the final 15 beauties.
“Underdog to Wonderdog” on APL at 8pm. This is extreme make-over for dogs.
“Gameshow in My Head” on CBS at 8pm. This is another one of Ashton Kutchers bright ideas. Contestants go out in public and make asses of themselves. The bigger the ass, the more money they win. What a great idea!
“SuperStars of Dance” on NBC at 9pm. Michael Flatley is the host. This competition is almost like the Olympics. It’s got a judge from each of the 8 countries competing. So there is no cheating, the judge of the pair’s country, can’t vote for them. This show will move to Monday the following night. It’s finale will be on Monday, 1/26.
“Rock of Love with Bret Michaels” on VH1 at 9pm. Bret got his whores on a tour bus this time. He can just dump the loser off by the side of the road. I’m sure someone will pick ‘em up.
“Tool Academy” on VH1 at 10pm. This is what they have to say about the show. It’s a new jerk-tastic series wherein 9 of the worst boyfriends ever are sent to relationship school to try to mend their rotten ways. Maybe they’ll follow behind Brett’s bus & pick up his losers.
The Bachelor” returns for it’s 13th season on ABC at 8pm. ABC is recycling another guy who was sent packing by a ‘Bachelorette”. Jason is a single dad who gets to dump 24 girls to find true love. Paybacks are a bitch!
“Diet Tribe” on LIFETIME at 10pm. Five fat friends go on a diet together for 90 days & get a TV show too! “From Fat to Fit” is their motto! That just motivated me to the donut box.
“True Beauty” on ABC at 10pm. This is the show where all the contestants think they’re in a beauty contest & the judges are looking for the phoneys. “Beauty comes from within” is their motto. I’m gonna throw up my donut.
“Biggest Losers: Couples” on NBC at 8pm. I’m seeing a theme developing here. We all got fat over the holidays & now the networks are shoving it in our faces. Well, I’m not getting off the couch!
“Homeland Security: USA” on ABC at 8pm. This is a reality show where we, the viewer, get to watch what the HS does to keep us safe. Uhhmmm, isn’t that something we shouldn’t have for a TV show. I mean, just in case the bad guys are watching!!
“Scrubs” returns, but on a new netework, ABC, at 9pm. Finally! Do you know how sick I am of the promo with Turk farting & trying to blame it on the old dude.
“Primetime: What Would You Do?” on ABC at 10pm. This program will ask us what we would do if we saw the bad guys doing bad things after watching the Homeland Security show.
“Nip/Tuck” returns on FX at 10pm. I wonder if they’ll bring back Rosie to tighten her ass up for that huge egg she laid on NBC.
“10 Items or Less” returns on TBS at 11pm. John Lehr & his group of has-beens from others shows, run the local store.
“13: Fear is Real” on the CW at 8pm. This is a competition reality show where whoever gets the shit scared out of them first is eliminated.
“The Real World: Brooklyn” on MTV at 10pm. It’s the 21st season & they’re finally going to New York. I heard they have a dude who used to be a girl or is it the other way around?
“Ghost Hunters International” on SciFi at 8pm. The team can’t find good enough ghosts here. They have a bigger budget now & can do some traveling.
“Damages” returns on FX at 10pm. I got nothing on this one.
“The Exterminators” on A&E at 10:30pm. This is just gross!
“Millionaire Matchmaker” on BRAVO at 10pm. Yeh right! Like millionaires need to find a date. They can just buy one. What the hell do we care anyways. It’ll probably be a hit. (this may not air til 2/12)
“Howie Do It” on NBC at 8pm. Howie wanted his own show & since NBC has run “Deal or No Deal” to death, they said okay. It’s kinda like “Candid Camera” but the cameras aren’t hidden. Howie’s allowed to do whatever he wants without touching anybody.
“Monk” returns to USA at 8pm. He’s the detective version of Howie.
“Psych” is also returninbg on USA at 10pm. CBS stole this show and named it “The Mentalist”.
“Flashpoint” on CBS at 9pm. CBS got this show from Canada. It’s about cops on a special rescue unit (SRU). Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be a hit. CBS shows always are.
“24″ on FOX has another 2-hr. special at 8pm. It will finally land on Mondays on 1/19 & stay there.
“Kyle XY” returns to ABCF at 9pm. Isn’t he a robot, who wants to be a real boy, like Pinocchio.
“American Idol” returns on FOX at 8pm. We have some new chick for a judge. Where do you think she’ll sit?
“The Beast” on A&E at 10pm. These cable networks seem to get all the has-been movie stars. I wonder who’s next. Mel Gibson?
“Dr. Drew’s Sober House” on VH1 at 10pm.(?) Do ya think Gary Busey will be a counselor again?
“Friday Night Lights” is back on NBC at 9pm. Isn’t Friday night the graveyard for shows?
“Battlestar Galactica” on SciFi at 10pm. This is suppose to be their final season and they wrap up all those cliffhangers.
“Solitary 3.0″ on FOXReality at 9pm.(?) I love watching people put in a tiny space and made to do horrible endurance tests until they crack! This is a favorite on my dvr.
“Big Love” returns (finally) to HBO at 9pm. Bill is tryiing to snag wife #4. He better think about buying the neighbor’s house.
“Flight of the Conchords” returns to HBO at 10pm. This is like “Entourage” to me. I never watched & never will.
“L-Word” is back to SHOWTIME for it’s last season at 9pm. The lezzies are calling it quits after this.
“The United States of Tara” is on SHOWTIME at 10pm. The mom has multiple personalities & one is Larry the Cable guy.
“Secret Diary of a Call Girl” returns to SHOWTIME at 10:30pm. Boobies on TV.
“Hole in the Wall” returning to FOX at 7pm. Hopefully I’m wrong & this got cancelled like I said earlier.
“Paranormal State” on A&E at 9pm.(?)
“House” finally returns on FOX at 8pm & someone’s trying to steal Cuddy’s job. It’s that bitch they stuck in the ER this season.
“24″ again returns to FOX at 9pm. GEEEZ! Stay put.
“LOST”!!!!!!! on ABC is back on Wednesday nights at 9pm where it belongs. I’m so ready for some GOOD TV. Aren’t you all? Bet Jack cries through the whole first episode.
“Lie To Me” on FOX at 9pm. Who cares about this show! LOST is on.
“Burn Notice” returns on USA at 10pm. Getting fired has never been so good. don’t ya love revenge.
“Gone Country” on CMT at 8pm. Does anyone remember who won last year?
“The Last Templar” on NBC at 9pm. It’s a frickin’ mini-series. I always miss an episode!
“The Closer” returns to TNT at 9pm. One of those movie star has-been shows.
“Trust Me” on TNT at 10pm. It’s got Eric McCormack & Tom Cavanagh. There ya go. I went to the site for a description and all they talked about was how much they love working together. Then why don’t they just get married already!
“Hell’s Kitchen” returns to FOX at 9pm. “Ya Bloody Donkey! Shut ‘er Down!!” I can’t wait!
Oh and “Heroes” comes back on Monday 2/2 for Volume #4. What scifi show will they rip off this time? Can’t wait to see……
That’s it for January. How many will last the season? I think the cable shows will smoke the networks, who will once again be scrambling for ratings. I don’t see anything knocking CBS out of it’s #1 spot.