TV Patrol: Suffering Saturday & Sunday!

I’m spoiled from the holidays. I’m putting together two days in one post. This way I can sit on my ass all day tomorrow & contemplate just how I’m going to lose this tonnage I’ve accummulated while eating everything I see. Seefood! I’d JUMP, but I can barely move……….

Things are looking up.

First things first & that means it’s Saturday first………..

I’m still stuffed full of holiday cheer, literally, but the networks seem to have finally gotten over it. They are still on the repeat kick though. The strangest one of all is NBC’s repeat of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Bejing which airs tonight at 8pm. They have mixed in hightlights from the summer games and renamed it “The Bejing Olympic Opening Ceremony: The TV Event of the Year”. We get to witness Mike Phelps as a mere mortal & relive just how he became God of Chlorinated Pool Water.

Continuing with the Olympic sports theme, ABC is showing “Miracle” at 8pm. The 2004 film showcases the 1980 US Hockey Team & their battle with the Soviet team in their run for the gold. Kurt Russell portrays coach Herb Brooks, whose skating “hard” practices and berating his players for their pansy-ass weaknesses, helped them achieve their ‘miracle’.

CBS is also following down the ‘jock’ path with it’s airing of “The Longest Yard” (2005) at 9pm. This piss-poor remake of the 1974 version of the same name, has Adam Sandler as a pro QB in prison, trying to get a team together to take on the guards in a football game. (Burt Reynolds did it so much better & he was ‘hot’ too! Oh yah, he’s in this one too & he’s still ‘hot’.)

HALLMARK has a new movie, “A Kiss at Midnight” at 9pm. It’s alot like “You’ve Got Mail”, but we have Faith Ford, who owns a dating service & she’s being beat out by her competitor, who’s boss is a dude. She signs up with the rival service to prove that they suck & ends up with the boss. Do you see where this is going? Happy New Year!

FOXReality has the winning show tonight. “Smile…..You’re Under Arrest” airs tonight at 7pm. This show uses the cops scheming plan of luring “wanted” criminals into their net, by inviting them to social events, under the ruse of winning a prize. These dumbasses don’t have a clue till the cuffs are slapped on.

If you are in the romantic mood, here’s some great “Lovey-Dovey” Movies.

ABCFamily:

“The Notebook” at 9pm. (2004) Ryan Gosling & Rachael McAdams

MNT:

“The Jewel of the Nile” at 8pm. (1985) Kathleen Turner & Michael Douglas

AMC:

“Two Weeks Notice at 8pm (2002) Sandra Bullock & Hugh Grant

“An Officer & a Gentleman” at 10:15pm. (1982) Debra Winger & Richard Gere

BRAVO:

“Waiting to Exhale” at 9pm. (1995) Whitney Houston & Gregory Hines

HBO:

“The Wedding Planner” at 7pm. (2001) Jennifer Lopez & Matthew McConaughey

TCM:

“Woman of the Year” at 8pm. (1942-Classic) Katherine Hepburn & Spencer Tracey

“Indecreet” at 10pm. (1958) Ingrid Bergman & Cary Grant

So if you can’t get your man on the couch with you for any of these shows tonight, then take him out to the bars, get him drunk & have sex in the parking lot. Now that’s a romantic Saturday night!

love

chooch

On to SUNDAY NIGHT!

ABC has the full, uncut, fully restored, packed full of commercials, version of “The Sound of Music” (1965) at 7pm tonight. It’s Julie Andrews & Baron von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) gettin’ it on while singing about “The Hills”.

CBS is sticking with “Million Dollar Password” at 8pm, as it should. It made #19 on the ratings list last week. Regis is still the host and we get the Password Queen, Betty White playing the game. You do know that Alan Ludden, the original host of this show was Betty’s husband. Adam Corolla is also on the show, but he’ll probably suck. He’s just a huge moron. I wouldn’t want him for my partner. But no one could be worse than William Shatner was last week. Capt. Kirk needed to mind-meld with Spock before he came on the show. He was a total empty-headed baffoon. I think he was playing Denny Crane with ‘mad-cow’.

NBC will win the night with it’s “Sunday Night Football” game. We’ve got the Denver Broncos (8-7) at the San Diego Chargers (7-8). This is for the AFC West Title. We are working our way to the SuperBowl!

FOX has all cartoon show repeats.

CW has started it’s Sunday night at the movies programming and they picked a winner tonight at 8pm. “Revenge of the Pink Panther” (1978) was Peter Seller’s last PP movie & I think it’s his best.

E! has a new episode of “Girls Next Door” at 10pm with Hef & the girls going to his old girlfriend, Barbi Benton’s house, in Aspen for a sleigh ride. Hef better be careful. He could break a hip.

“Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood” at 10:30pm is also new. Snoop takes ballroom dancing classes. Does this mean he’ll be on the next “DWTS”?

“Ruby” gets a make-over on a new episode at 8pm on Style. She hires a design team at the local college to re-create her. I wouldn’t trust college kids. They’ll probably give her a pink wig & tell her not to wear underwear.

NGC has a new episode of the “Dog Whisperer” at 8pm. Ceasar goes to Ashlee Simpson’s house to keep her bulldog from killing her new dog. I’d be worried about the new baby becoming dog food.

“DogTown” at 9pm focuses on the rehabilitation of Michael Vick’s four pit bulls after they were rescued from his home after he was charged with illegal dogfighting in 2007.

MOVIES:

ABCFamily:

“The Notebook” at 8pm. (2004) James Garner & Gena Rowlands

ION:

“The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns” at 7pm. (1999) Randy quaid & Whoopi Goldberg

AMC:

“Fargo” at 8pm. (1996) Frances McDormand & William C. Macy

CINEMAX:

“Michael Clayton” at 8pm. (2007) George Clooney

COMEDY:

“Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” at 8pm. (2006) Larry the Cable Guy

ENCORE:

“Back to the Future” at 8pm. (1985) Michael J. Fox

“Dirty Dancing” at 10pm. (1987) Patrick Swayze

HBO:

“I Am Legend” at 8:30pm. (2007) Will Smith

IFC:

“The Thin Red Line” at 9pm. (1998) Sean Penn

SCIFI:

“National Treasure” at 8pm. (2004) Nicolas Cage

TMC:

“Father of the Bride” at 8pm. (1991) Steve Martin

TNT:

“Castaway” at 8pm. (2000) Tom Hanks

TCM has a mini-marathon of “Herbie, the Love Bug” movies.

Well, there ya have it. Two days worth of TV viewing all in one long schedule. I’m off to lay my ass on the couch and watch other people play Wii Fit. It’s so exhausting!

love

chooch