TV Patrol: Sunday Spectacular

There’s alot going on tonight & I want to bring some of the good stuff directly to your attention. We have some season finales, a huge season premiere, an Awards show & a Christmas special. Oh and how could I forget, “The Girls Next Door” go to the Kentucky Derby! Let’s get moving. Jump…….

Please don’t suck.

The 2008 American Music Awards are on ABC this evening at 8pm. Jimmy Kimmel is the host for this diverse musical extravaganza. New Kids on the Block even make an appearance. There’s a lot of girls performing tonight. There’s Christina Aguilera, Sasha Fierce, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus & Pink, to name a few. All these Divas on one stage could turn into a real cat fight. My bet’s on Pink. I can just see her putting a stiletto boot in Mariah’s fat ass. Pop it like a blow-up doll.

“Artist of the Year” nominees are:

The Eagles

Alicia Keyes

Lil Wayne

Cold Play

Chris Brown

& “Alvin & the Chipmunks have been nominated for ‘Favorite Album Soundtrack’.

Over at FOX, is the Season Premiere of “24″ at 8pm. The 7th season opener, “Redemption” has a new President being sworn in. President Allison Taylor, played by Broadway star Cherry Jones, is a ‘play by the rules’ Chief Exectutive, so I’m sure that’s gonna piss Jack Bauer off. He, by the way, is in Africa, fighting off those thugs who steal little boys to turn into child soldiers. This 2-hour, self-contained, storyline is suppose to tie up all the loose ends left by the writer’s strike, which halted their whole season last year. Jon Voight has signed on as the shows new villian. “24″ will then start it’s new season on Monday, January 19th.

Two finales on HBO tonight. The vampire hit, “True Blood” comes to an end at 9pm. Will Sookie let V-Bill back in the house? Will that dirty dog Sam, protect her from the bloodthirsty monster that’s killed Granny & all of Jason’s hoho’s? Will Tara ever get a refund for her exorcism? Will we get to see Jason naked one more time? Will Lafeyette become Top Chef? Will this finale leave us wanting more? I hope so!

“Entourage” is also having it’s final episode of the season at 10pm. I don’t know what’s going to happen to the fellows in this last show. Maybe Eric will get Vincent a movie role & then again, maybe not. I haven’t got a clue. I just don’t know. Do you? I guess we’ll find out tonight.

“A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All” airs on Comedy Central tonight at 10pm. Mr. Colbert tries to give us the ‘feel good’ Christmas show, worthy of Perry Como or Andy Williams (bet you don’t even know these guys). With his cardigan sweater & log cabin setting we get to hear original Holiday tunes from the likes of Elvis Costello, Willie Nelson, John Legend, & Toby Keith. Jon Stewart even joins the festivities. If this isn’t your kind of Christmas show, “Larry the Cable Guy’s Star Studded Christmas Extravaganza” is being repeated tonight on CMT at 8pm. (and probably every night til Xmas).

…… and on E!, Hef takes the girls to the 2008 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. You can watch that at 10pm.

We still have a ton of shows to watch tonight. After all, Sunday is the prime night for TV. Let’s see what else is in store for us.

CBS:

“The Amazing Race 13″ at 8pm. We have only 4 teams still in the race & they end up in Russia tonight. I’m starting to like Ken & Tina, but not enough for them to win.

“Cold Case” at 9pm. (new) The unsolved murder of a pin-up girl in 1953. I love the really dated episodes.

“The Unit” at 10pm. (new) Jonas is trying to keep the peace in a “Romeo & Juliet” type truce with two Afghanistan gangs.

NBC has “Sunday Night Football” at 8:15pm. It’s the Indianapolis Colts @ the San Diego Chargers Qualcomm Stadium. (hmmmm, think that’s a product endorsement?)

FOX has the 2-hour “24″ season opener at 8pm.

ABC is airing the “2008 American Music Awards” at 8pm.

CW is airing repeats of all three of their cancelled Sunday night shows.

“In Harm’s Way” at 7pm.

“Valentine” at 8pm.

“Easy Money” at 9pm.

PBS:

“Masterpiece: The Unseen Alistair Cooke” at 9pm. A tribute to the host of “Masterpiece Theatre”, Alistair Cooke (1908-2004), with his own narration & home movies.

DSC:

“I was Bitten” at 8pm. (new) This is NOT about “Twilight”.

“Squid Invasion” at 9pm. (new)

“Storm Chasers” at10pm. (new) Our chasers try to go to OZ.

BIO:

“Watching the Detectives” at 9pm. (new)

“Female Forces” at 10pm. (new) Fake crying vs real crying.

COMEDY:

“Jeff Dunham’s Very Special Christmas Special” at 9pm. (repeat) I watched this and I think Jeff was drunk or something. He sucked. You could see his f*cking mouth move ALL THE TIME!

“A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All” at 10pm. (new) Steven brings back Xmas magic.

truTV:

“Carribean Cops” at 9pm. (new)

“Inside American Jail” at 10 & 10:30pm. (new) Maybe I’ll see some of my relatives for the holidays.

FOOD:

“Challenge” at 8pm. The ultimate Thanksgiving feast. The contestants need to prepare a traditional turkey with 5 side dishes.

“Iron Chef America” at 9pm. (repeat 2007) Michael Symon vs Ricky Moore of DC in the Ultimate Thanksgiving Battle”.

“Best of Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives” at 10pm. Guy Fieri talks about his best shows. (I think you got that from the title)

NGC:

“Eygpt Unwrapped” at 8pm. (new) The Scorpion King. The Rock was awesome as the King wasn’t he. God he’s hot!

“Herod’s Lost Tomb” at 9pm. (new) If I remember my bible stories, he was a real asshole.

MTV:

“Sweet Sixteen: The Top 10 Most Stuntin’ Celebrity Bashes” at 8pm. What the hell is “stuntin”??

TLC:

“Girl Who Never Grew” at 8pm.

“World’s Smallest People” at 9pm. (new)

“Forbidden Love: Geisha Girls” at 10pm. (new)

I’m beginning to think this network is the TV version of a carnival sideshow. “Step right up folks!”

DISNEY:

“Hannah Montana” at 8pm. (new) I didn’t think they made new episodes. I thought she was getting to old & trampy.

“Wizards of Waverly Place” at 8:30pm. (new)

“Hannah/Miley: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour” at 9pm. The Jonas Brothers appear too! eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

VH1:

“Rock of Love: Charm School w/Sharon Osbourne” at 9pm. (new) The girls need to pick up guys with their minds not their boobies. hahahaha!

“Pick-Up Artists 2″ at 10pm. (new) The last 3 dudes need to show a friend how to pick up a girl. The charm school girls should be on this show.

HBO:

“True Blood” at 9pm. (finale) Oh lord, all my favorite Sunday shows are ending!!!

“Entourage” at 10pm. (finale)

“Summer Heights High” at 10:30pm. (new) This one’s just starting.

ShowTime:

“Brotherhood” at 8pm. (new)

“Dexter” at 9pm. (new) That asshole Miguel (I didn’t call him Jimmy Smit) is f*cking everything up!!!

“Californication” at 10 & 10:30pm. (new)

I’ve got a few MOVIE choices for you tonight. I’m beginning to realize that ABC Family is commited to Christmas movies every day till Xmas. Where the hell are they finding all these holiday offerings? Some are real doozies!

ABCF:

“Holiday in Handcuffs” at 8pm. (2007) Melissa Joan Hart

“Snowglobe” at 10pm. (2007) Christina Milian

TCM:

“The Nutty Professor” at 8pm. (1961) Jerry Lewis version

AMC is having a “Rocky” marathon all night.

HALLMARK:

“A Grandpa for Christmas” at 9pm. (2007) Ernest Bourgnine

TNT:

“The Guardian” at 8pm. (2006) Ashton Kutcher & Kevin Costner

SOAP:

“Mommy Dearest” at 7:30pm & again at 10pm. (1981) Faye Dunaway (my role model)

STARZ:

“Enchanted” at 9pm. (2007) Amy Adams

I think tonight is full of it! If you can’t find something to watch with all this going on, you need to just go to bed.

My picks are, as always on Sunday, “True Blood” & “Dexter”. I’ve never watched “24″, but I’m recording it tonight. It seems I’m missing something, and besides, I need something to replace “True Blood” & “Mad Men”. At least until “Big Love” returns in January.

love

chooch