March was another great month for television. Not only did the wonderful Amazing Race 7 premiere, but The Apprentice aired an instant-classic episode featuring a “krunky” Tana hangin’ with Lil’ John and Lil’ Kim, among others. Plus, The Real World/Road Rules Challenge had its best season in a few years with The Inferno 2, featuring Tanya’s epic dousing of Beth’s Louis Vuitton luggage.
March was also the month that brought us the lovable schlock-fest Spring Break Shark Attack and the crash-tastic fainting scare on America’s Next Top Model. As for American Idol, we finally had our finalists… sort of. Mario Vazquez backed out mysteriously, but he returned to the airwaves sans fedora to poke fun at himself on Letterman. But the real Idol story was Constantine Maroulis who we grew to hate while many, many, many annoying fans grew to love him (and let us hear about it too). Seriously, he sucks.
When we weren’t bashing Constantine, the TVgasm writers were busy tasting bold new flavors as we sampled the famous Tarshi Bar, created by Apprentice wunderkind, Michael Tarshi. As fun as this was — and it was quite fun — it didn’t quite compare to our drunken assault on notorious Road Rulers Veronica and Rachel. If only I had brought my digital camera…
Of course, the biggest story of March was Pat O’Brien, whose now-legendary voicemails lit up the internet. He tried some lame Dr. Phil image control, but c’mon. We know he’s back to his old self, banging hookers and doing eight-balls at the Holiday Inn Express on La Brea.