Two-A-Days of Our Lives

Two-A-Days

By B-Side | Thursday, August 31, 2006 | 6:59 pm | 34 Comments

alex03083106 If the glitz and glamour and general staginess of Laguna Beach no longer rings true to the high school experience, fear not. MTV has supplied us with a yin to Laguna’s yang: Two-A-Days. The show, which centers around a high school football squad in Hoover, Alabama, is a return to the handheld camcorder style that has graced so many episodes of Made (all of them, to be exact). Anyway, on last week’s season premiere, we met all the major players — the coaches, the safeties, their girlfriends, the cheerleaders, the struggling quarterback, and even a teensy bit of drama courtesy of one acne-plagued femme fatale named Keagan. You see, she wore Alex’s number to the big game against Florida, and like, only Kristin was allowed to do THAT! OMG! DRAMA!This week’s episode started off with Alex still reeling from his fallout with Kristin. After his triumphant victory on ESPN last week, he was expecting nothing but celebration and adoration, but instead, all he received were bitter rants and a cold shoulder from nearly everyone. For some reason, no one believed that everything was strictly platonic between him and Keagan. They had never hooked up. In fact, what had transpired was nothing more than some innocent schoolwork. Alex explained, “One day at school, she came up to me in the hallway, and I was like ‘I got a project to do,’ and she was like ‘Well, you need some help doing it?’ and I said, ‘Yeah, sure.’ She came over. Nothing happened.” Of course, it just so happened that this project was called “When a boy and a girl have sex.” Okay, I made that up, but who else totally heard porno music playing as they replayed this alleged scene in their heads?

“What does it mean when they call you a ‘young Thomas Hayden Church?’”

Well, Kristin was quite angry about all the rumors, and for now, the two were broken up. Keagan, meanwhile, defended herself, saying she’d never hooked up with Alex. In fact, she insisted that she’d never even been alone with him! But wait! What about the project? Did she or didn’t she? I mean, who cares about if they hooked up. I just need to know what their joint shoebox diorama looked like (because that’s CLEARLY what the project was. I just can tell).

I’ll just assume it looked like this. It’s supposed to be the Crusades.

All this drama was fun, but there was football to be had. The guys were none too pleased when they found out the official name for that day’s Rush Propst regimen was “Get Tough!” Apparently, none of these guys were tough enough, and dammit, they needed to get tough (hence the name) because this week’s game was against the cross-town rival: SPAIN PARK! Oh, those Spain Park jerks! They probably think they’re all special with their fancy name that evokes images of a verdant, European recreational area. WELL! Hoover’s named after an American President! Take that, commies!

USA! USA! USA!

Sorry. This show makes me oddly jingoistic. Anyway, while the guys got tough (whenever I say that phrase, just imagine Rush Propst spitting, turning to the camera, and then giving the thumbs up), Kristin was gettin’ emotional at home with her bestie, Blair. In case you didn’t know, Kristin was still upset with Alex; so much so that her life was slowly turning into a Michelle Branch song. “You look around, and everything reminds you of him,” she said. “EVERYTHING!” Yes, it’s almost as if she lives in a room decorated with cheerleading and football memorabilia. Funny how that happens.

Nevertheless, Kristin hoped that this whole mess could be resolved by the homecoming dance. Otherwise, who would she go with? One downside about living in a Southern football town: no gay best friend to take to a dance in a clutch. Even that other MTV Kristin had her token gay buddy in Laguna.

Anyway, the next day in class, Alex received wonderful news: he had scored an 82 on an exam! I’m surprised coach Rush Propst didn’t barge in, spit on the paper, and then shove it in Alex’s mouth, yelling “GET TOUGH!!!” Well, after everyone had received their grades, the meek teacher then got to today’s lesson: what do women want in a relationship? Huh? What sort of class was this? I had a feeling this teacher may have been projecting some sort of indirect spinster rage at the boys. Wasn’t this supposed to be a history class? All the posters on the wall had to do with Anglo-Saxons and The Middle Ages and Shakespeare. Maybe the students were about to take a gender-relationship approach as to why Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn never quite hit it off. What women want: to not be BEHEADED.

“Okay, class, let’s talk about why men are evil and don’t know a good thing when it’s standing right in front of them.”

Well, after one girl recited all the things the girls wanted from the boys, Alex then read all the things the boys wanted from the girls: “Good cook. She needs to be able to catch your eye, if you know what I mean. [no, we didn't know what you meant. Does that mean that she's supposed to literally catch an eyeball???] No nagging. Comes from money.” Yes, that’s wonderful. And once the guys were done living in fantasy land, they headed right back out to practice, which featured more of the same: grunting, sweating, and lots of Rush Propst yelling and spitting. And yes, in case you’re wondering, it’s driving me nuts that his name is “Propst,” not “Probst.”

“That’s not a spit.”

“THAT’S a spit!”

That night, a bunch of the teens indulged their stomaches by eatin’ good in the neighborhood. Yes, Kristin and a gaggle of friends hit up the culinary mecca that is Applebees (a fixture in my high school experience too, sad to say), and while everyone noshed on onion peels and whatnot, Kristin busted out a camcorder and announced that she would be asking everyone whether or not she and Alex should get back together. Why, this wasn’t completely self-absorbed at all!

Well, the first person she questioned was a chunky football player named Goose, who Alex told us had a thing for Kristin. He refused to say whether or not Kristin should get back with her boy (he loved her, but could he backstab a teammate? The eternal quandary of Two-A-Days!). Best Friend Blair, however, told Kristin that Alex shouldn’t have lied, but if he worked hard and earned back her trust, then yes, they should get back together. Shut up, Blair. You’re boring. Never speak again.

With that, this official meeting of the Applebees Council came to a close (take THAT, Algonquin Roundtable!). Next up for the kids was a rousing time at the bowling alley where Kristin was assaulted by text messages from Alex. “Well that last 1 got me calmd down.. U gna be alone when I call?Dnt wna have” he wrote cryptically, but alas, his estranged girlfriend had not time to read the rest. It was her turn to bowl, and wouldn’t you know it? She got a strike! This somehow led to a discussion about Goose, who Kristin said was one of her best friends. “When Alex would hurt me, Goose would be over there. I’d be crying on his shoulder,” Kristin told us, clearly unaware of what we like to call, “The Cockblock.”

We then saw one unfortunate girl named Brittany try to bowl a ball down the lane, but alas, her fingers were too stumpy, and the ball awkwardly refused to launch from her hand, causing laughter all around (including from me. I’m a sucker for good slapstick. The only thing better than a stubborn bowling ball is a ball that falls prematurely. Oh, that gets me every time. If you’ve never seen that happen, you’re missing out).

brittany083106 Anyway, after Brittany dislodged the ball from her kung-fu grip, we returned to Kristin who was now mildly flirting with Goose. “You smell good,” she said.

“Do I? Well, good!” he replied happily. Somebody’s gonna be jerkin’ off tonight! (Okay, I apologize for inserting that image in all y’alls heads).

Presciently, Alex then texted Kristin, “No now goose is gna suk pu to u sum more n try n get u against me.” Why would Goose ever do that? Just because he’s been secretly pining for Kristin every single day for the past three years to the point where he has a makeshift shrine fueled by the blood of dead hobos he kills for her love? Sheesh.

After the commercial break, we found ourselves listening to the gentle tunes of a clarinet. Did Woody Allen suddenly join the squad? And if not, could he? Because that would be awesome. Anyway, it turned out that the clarinetist was none other than Bryan, the large, imposing offensive tackle for the team. Turns out he’s quite the music buff and relies on it to help him through the pain of practice. To demonstrate his love for music, he then began singing in the car, and… was he singing show tunes? Do his teammates know about this? We then found out that not only is Bryan on the football squad, he’s also in the marching band too. Yes, during the off-season, he trades in his jock card for his dork card as he parades around, annoying pretty much anyone within earshot (sorry, some early morning experiences with the college marching band running through my dorm have left me bitter). Anyway, Bryan was a committed bandcamp dude, and even though football should have been his top priority, he couldn’t resist standing by a window, watching his marching band brethren practice for the big game. Another torturous conflict!

We then watched some offensive blocking drills (which would have been much more entertaining had they been augmented with some crazy clarinet, you know, in honor of Bryan), and then we moved onto Ross, the struggling quarterback who’s been attempting to fill his brother’s giant, accomplished shoes. For those of you who don’t remember, Ross’s brother had been the star quarterback and had brought home two state championships for the school and then gone on to glory and success and happiness and general amazingness (I heard he once saved a baby seal from a vicious clubbing!). Ross, on the other hand, kind of sucked. His biggest accomplishment thus far has been looking like a skinny version of Johnny Moseley.

Anyway, in the last game, Ross had some trouble making decisions in the pocket and throwing to the proper lanes, and if the practice was any indication, those problems hadn’t disappeared. “Ross! Who the fuck did you just throw to?” asked an irate Propst at one point. He HATES Ross! He could spit on him all day long and still not be satisfied.

We then popped in on Kristin, and get this: she was still complaining about Alex. I know, it’s very shocking. “Alex has never, ever done anything wrong to me at like this level,” she said. Yes, the pain one feels from a dishonest diorama experience is the pain that hurts the most.

Meanwhile, back at his home, Ross tossed a football around with his big brother (who was fresh from saving twelve people from a burning building), and I couldn’t help noticing that every teenage male on this show seemed to have the same hairstyle as William Zabka (a.k.a. Johnny Lawrence) from The Karate Kid. You know, the brushed forward bangs that I sported circa 1988 (after my mom let me graduate from the bowl cut).

Who of the following did NOT go to Hoover High:

Anyway, Ross’s big brother asked if it was hard being compared to him, and just when it seemed like he was providing an empathetic shoulder to lean on, Big Brother sternly added that Ross better not lose to Spain Park. It was so Varsity Blues 2005.

After the commercial break, it was time for the big game. Rush Propst gave his usual, thoughtful pre-game pep talk by saying, “Now let’s go out and physically BEAT THE PISS OUT OF THEM!” and then it was game time! Things started out great for Hoover as Ross made a big pass down field. Yay pressures of being a failure melting away! But then moments later on the drive, Ross managed to throw an interception right in the endzone. Boo crushing reality of one’s limited capacity!

The good news for Hoover was that their defense was on point. The Buccaneers (that’s Hoover) intercepted Spain Park for a touchdown, thus making the score 7-0, home team (again, Hoover). We then saw star running back Chris Graham run for a touchdown (thanks to some clarinet-inspired blocking by Bryan), and the score increased to 14-0. The good times kept on coming when Hoover forced a fumble, and I believe Max recovered it for a strong gain, but then the momentum came to an end when Ross nearly threw for an interception in the endzone again. Spain Park made a late-game surge, putting ten points on the board, and when Ross tried to spearhead a drive, he once again fell flat on his face. “Ross Wilson not looking very good,” said one critical sportscaster. Luckily, the Hoover defense saved the day again, stopping a critical Spain Park drive and leading the team to a 24-10 victory.

I would say what happened next, but sadly, my Tivo cut off (clearly the machine’s a Spain Park fan). What did you think about the episode? Should Kristin take Alex back? Or should she find solace in the meaty arms of Goose?

Comments (34)
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34 Comments

1

sutton925

Posted August 31, 2006 at 7:32 pm

Thanks for taking this on, B-Side. I’m quickly becoming as addicted to this show as I was the first two seasons of LB. I’m from Georgia so Propst reminds me of a lot of the coaches from around here.

Maybe you mentioned it and I skipped over it, but isn’t Hoover, AL where Taylor Hicks is either from or went to high school?
2

winglee

Posted August 31, 2006 at 7:46 pm

Thanks so much for doing this recap. I’m a senior in h.s. this year, and football is huge where i live, so naturally i love this show.

I think that if all that went down was kaegan(?) doing homework w/alex, and that’s why alex & his gf broke up….then she’s acting like a little biotch in need of some camera time.
And if all of that is true, Alex should ask Kaegan to homecoming….that would be AWESOME
3

ChickenFriedChicken

Posted August 31, 2006 at 8:56 pm

I’m a sucker for (nearly) any reality show that MTV puts out; however, ESPN’s Bound For Glory did a far better job of portraying a high-school football team.

But Max and Alex will keep me tuning in each week…
4

Wade

Posted August 31, 2006 at 9:06 pm

Here’s what’s scary: I’m from Hoover, Taylor Hicks is from Hoover, and these football gods are from Hoover.

I can’t sing or play football. How useless am I?
5

tvtvtv

Posted August 31, 2006 at 9:18 pm

“I had a feeling this teacher may have been projecting some sort of indirect spinster rage at the boys.”

Heehee, you can make any show sound worth watching.

And a ball that falls prematurely is ALWAYS funny. It’s the only reason to go bowling, really.
6

anniedawg25

Posted August 31, 2006 at 9:29 pm

OK…..I have been out of high school for 9 years, and I sure as hell didn’t go to high school in Alabama…..but I gotta ask: Is the Trump “Brillo Pad Forward Comb Over” all the rage with high school kids these days???? Sheesh that style has GOT TO GO! Forgive me if I am out of the loop!

Also…..it being said that I have been out of high school for 9 years, is it WRONG that I drool on my TV screen while watching this show?? Hubba Hubba!

Seriously, I think this is a pretty cool show, and a somewhat “REAL” reality show. I mean, you can’t really script a football game (unless there is a HUGE conspiracy going on here).

FYI if anyone doesn’t want spoilers, don’t go to the Hoover High Football page like I did. I now know the outcome of the 2005 season (for which this was taped). Oh well, I will still watch!
7

mizta

Posted September 1, 2006 at 2:28 am

I actually like the show quite a bit. I’m not a fan of football. I’ve never actually sat through a whole game of football but when you add some Laguna-esque drama then I’m there. I want Kristin to show up there unexpectedly and show those damn cheerleaders how to be the lead of a show. And sleep with all the football players.

I have to say that I can’t stand the coach and the awful hair.

Thanks for recapping this B-Side.
8

GnomeCorp

Posted September 1, 2006 at 6:21 am

http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/08/so-much-better-than-laguna-beach-two.html
9

TheEmancipationofGigi

Posted September 1, 2006 at 6:38 am

Love this show already, thanks for the recap. It helps soften the blow after a crappy Season 3 Laguna Beach episode…
10

lemony

Posted September 1, 2006 at 7:21 am

Thanks for picking up this show! I hate to admit it, but I didn’t even go to Hoover HS and sadly I’ve been to two of their games. They bring in more fans than many college teams and the tailgating is a good warmup for the big games on Saturday.

Oh, lay off the hair–its the Southern Shag and the guys down here spend many hours perfecting it
11

boringday

Posted September 1, 2006 at 7:59 am

LOVE the guys on the show. They seem like pretty normal, level-head, down to earth guys despite all the adoration that is heaped upon them. The girls bug me, but they’re in high school, so that’s to be expected. That said, this is the best new show MTV has put out in a long time. I am hooked.
12

jess_in_st_paul

Posted September 1, 2006 at 8:24 am

Love the Johnny Lawerence reference! Can’t you just hear at least one of the Hoover guys saying “Ex-degenerate. Tomorrow I’m a senior.I’ve got one year to make it all work.
And that’s what I’m gonna do. Make it work, all of it.”
13

fulfill_the_dream_78

Posted September 1, 2006 at 8:30 am

high school kids look so much older these days.

kristin has a nice rack, but her southern accent is annoying.
14

southernbelle

Posted September 1, 2006 at 10:41 am

I love, love, love this show! I wasn’t gonna watch because I knew I sure didn’t want to relive my days of high school football, cheering or slutty girls. But one day I did and found myself looking up on the computer if they had beat Nease before the end of the show because I was so nervous.
I think the Alex & Kristin drama is cute. Who didn’t have one of those is high school? I think that Kaegan child is rather unfortunate looking though.
Anniedawg-I, too, have been out of high school for a few years and I thought the same thing. These guys are hot!!!
It’s just nice seeing kids with real lives, who have to work hard, who have real problems and show a pretty good example of what life really is like. And it’s a good show to watch to kick off the beginning of college football weekends (Go Vols).
15

beanzie

Posted September 1, 2006 at 4:09 pm

so happy you’re recapping this. i love h.s. football even though my school didn’t have a team. it’s also nice to see that h.s. drama doesn’t change regardless of location. although the kids seem a little more grounded at hoover – and i am sucker for a souther accent.
16

laughterkey

Posted September 1, 2006 at 11:47 pm

Thank you SO MUCH for picking this show up. It’s a vice in the same vein as ‘Guna. And that lovely southern shag haircut that’s going on? I’d say it’s more Brian Wilson, circa 1965.

http://www.dumbangelmagazine.com/images/brian-wilson.jpg
17

LittTwinStar

Posted September 2, 2006 at 6:55 am

I wanted to watch this show as soon as I saw it advertised on MTV. Thanks, B-side for helping me figure out who the heck Alex reminded me of (Thomas Hayden Church) and more importantly, reminding me where I’ve seen their gawd awful haircuts before. As horrible as the hair is, Max is HOT!!!! I’m in my early 30s and looking at him shirtless in that ice bucket had to be one of the hottest scenes I’ve seen on TV in a while. The ‘Guna seems to be getting a wee bit better but this show saves the Wednesday 10-spot but I wish they’d swap it with another night as it conflicts with my Project Runway viewing. Such is life.
18

I can't believe I post

Posted September 3, 2006 at 2:26 pm

I am so glad you commented on the hair, I am consulting in Mobile, AL right now and my business partner and I laugh about the guys hair down there everyday. We call it the bubba cut. It should be known to all non-southerners this is not a southern thing, this is strictly a Alabama thing (thank God) I grew up in Florida and now live in Atlanta and can tell you first hand that although the people in Alabama are some of the nicest, kindest, most genuine people you could ever meet, they also do not get out of Alabama much and are extremely backwards. I assure you the rest of the south laughs at them as well.
19

jenna

Posted September 4, 2006 at 6:36 am

Thank you so much for choosing to recap this show! Again, you all proved how you are loyal to your readers because you considered our input.
Jenna
20

jenna

Posted September 4, 2006 at 6:38 am

Thank you so much for choosing to recap this show! You all proved how loyal you are to your readers because you considered our input. It’s going to be a great season!
Jenna
21

jenna

Posted September 4, 2006 at 7:01 am

Sorry about the double post. Great recap. The “southern shag” – love it. I wonder if it will catch on. I stay on the edge of my seat during the football games. Since they don’t use any instant replays it’s great to have a recap that is giving us the details of the game.
22

randomthings

Posted September 4, 2006 at 11:24 pm

There is a god after all, B-Side is recapping two-a-days! Your diorama was awesome and probably better than Alex and Keagan’s…as for the end of this ep, with Kristin hugging Alex, the gal is totally securing her date to Homecoming so she won’t have to go with Cockblock Goose who reminds me of Duckie from the classic flick “Pretty In Pink”…which in turn begs the question: why are all sad loser guy friends with no chance in hell named after barnyard fowl?
23

smelaw

Posted September 5, 2006 at 3:49 am

kristin is smoking hot. i need to go back to high school!!!!
24

admc831

Posted September 5, 2006 at 12:54 pm

I have to laugh about the haircuts. I have a 16 year old daughter that goes to a rival school of Hoover’s. All the boys around here have that haircut, unless they have curly hair. I took a group of girls and boys to the beach for spring break, and I can honeslty say the boys spent more time on their hair than the girls did. The one thing they haven’t shown yet is the way the boys sling their heads to one side to get their bangs out of their faces. And, I have noticed that Alex has something funky going on with his..I think maybe it has a little curl in it that he can’t quite get rid of. I started watching this show out of curiosity since we saw the cameras everywhere, but I have to admit I’m hooked. And rumor has it MTV is back for this season, so you can all keep up with Ross this year. FYI…Propst must not have had his scholarship decision is his hands because Ross committed to the University of Alabama for Baseball. I really have to say, Rush gets on my nerves, but that chaplain got on them more. Anyway, glad y’all are getting a kick out of our little corner of the world, and for you, I Can’t Believe, Maybe you should take a few lessons from “some of the nicest, kindest, most genuine people you could ever meeet”, because apparently we don’t get out enough to be cruel, and we certainly are taught at an early age that it’s better let people think you are a fool than open your mouth and let everyone know for sure.
25

sparky

Posted September 6, 2006 at 9:48 am

This show makes me realize all that i missed not going to a coed HS. Its no DeGrassi, but, it works! Now if I could just figure out when the new eps are on
26

cml

Posted September 6, 2006 at 10:20 am

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so glad B-side is doign this recap! I’m not sure I have ever laughed so hard in my laugh…especially at the karate kid thing. And, yes, that hairstyle is very much in down here in the south. I like to call it the “frat boy flip” since that’s how all the frat guys at Alabama wear their hair. And yes, they also do the hair toss like the reader earlier mentioned. Anyhow, for some reason all this is so much funnier since Hoover is right down the road from me. Keep up the good work B-side. I’ll be tuning in all the time!
27

admc831

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:42 pm

Sparky: New episodes air right after Laguna Beach, Wednesday night…10:30 ET, 9:30 CT. Be sure to watch tonight, it’s a good game, and I say that with a smirk…especially since my team is coming up in a few weeks. Which btw will be interesting because they banned MTV from filming. I have a sneaking suspicion there will be plenty on that episode because the rivalry goes back to the early 70′s and that game is huge. Still laughing about the hair, I guess I’m just so used to it I don’t notice it anymore. At least they haven’t shown any mullets….YET.
28

EdHill

Posted September 6, 2006 at 1:52 pm

Sweep the leg!
29

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted September 6, 2006 at 10:53 pm

I think the southern flip is kind of cute, and I think it’s even cuter that the boys spend a lot of time on it!

I started watching this show after everyone on here asked for recaps – and I love it. It’s actually refreshing to see these kids, who are actually striving for things like scholarships and college, living and behaving like normal kids.

After watching shows like Super Sweet Sixteen, and Laguna Beach you kind of forget that most high school kids aren’t driving BMW’s and Land Rovers; they don’t go to expensive restaurants on a regular basis; they don’t bed-hop, and drink martini’s by the pool; and they don’t spend a year’s worth of tuition on purses, shoes and clothes.

The Two-A-Days kids are actually likeable people. Even the Queen Bee girl politics is palatable, and typical.
30

simper1

Posted September 7, 2006 at 11:58 am

http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/09/second-times-charm-on-two-days.html
31

simper1

Posted September 8, 2006 at 2:47 am

Here is a recap of Episode #3…

http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/09/starring-coach-propst-as-god-on-two.html
32

MichyPR

Posted September 10, 2006 at 1:44 am

Those high school guys look huge…Thanks for recapping Two-A-Days B-side, great recap as usual
33

remford

Posted September 13, 2006 at 12:34 am

Who the f*ck names their kid Keagan? Were here parents fans of Kid Rock and Ronald Reagan?
34

Lilly90

Posted September 24, 2006 at 1:05 pm

(Cue ‘Cruel Summer’)

“STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY SIR!”