Recap: Ugly Betty: Finally, A Walter Free World!!

Things are topsy-turvy in Mode world after the return last week of Alex Meade as Alexis, and the arrest of Bradford for Fey’s murder. But there’s no time to rest. This episode had twists, turns, more Meade family revelations, Walter hopes coming true and Henry hopes being dashed. It’s almost too much to deal with!

Wil already has a new business card that says she’s editor-in-chief. And Betty has to explain to Ignacio the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual. Awkward! The only conversation with my dad that I’d dread more would involve tampons or condoms. Then Hilda makes the moment even more awesome when she tells Betty that after a sex change operation, they keep “It” in a jar. Time for some Google research on that one!

But even more awkward for Betty: She isn’t sure if she has a job. Again. For someone who’s only been at Mode a few months, she’s sure had a lot of turmoil. And she’s now wondering if someone whose boss has just been arrested has to go to work. Personally, I’m pretty sure that depends on what your boss has been arrested for. After all, I can’t imagine a better day for office gossip than the day after your boss’s son comes back as a woman and has his arrested for the murder of his lover who was also your former boss. This makes the current turmoil in my office over who ate Zack’s pizza out of the fridge look even more boring than I thought it was.

Betty opens the door to go to work and there stands Walter. This is very early in the episode for us to already have to deal with Walter. Yet he does come bearing a donut. Which almost makes me like Walter. Almost. But not entirely, because in addition to donuts, he has some news for Betty.

Luckily, she doesn’t stick around to hear it. After all, this is a guy who thinks that batteries make good presents. We all know exciting news for Walter is picking up Paramus, New Jersey, on his transistor radio.

Betty arrives at Mode and shares an elevator with Alexis. And Betty keeps staring at Alexis’s boobs, which happen to be at Betty’s eye level. You can’t really blame Betty, because the boobs are both interesting and fabulous. Let’s all take a moment and stare with her.

Alexis notices Betty’s gaze and gets snippity. Yup, the sex change has taken full effect – if Alexis was still Alex, he would understand why someone was staring at boobs, but women tend to be more touchy about these things. Alexis details out all the surgery she’s had, and then tells Betty that they don’t save “It” in a jar. Thanks, Alexis, for saving me the Google search.

Alexis then tells Betty that she has to wear a hormone patch to keep her mustache from growing in. Betty seems intrigued – she has to bleach all the time. This gets a small smile from Alexis. Is it possible that these two might become friends? I kind of hope so, because there’s something fun about them together. Also, I’m hoping that we can get more tips from Alexis – maybe next episode can deal with how to score a hottie like John Stamos or Jerry O’Connell.

Meanwhile, Daniel is visiting his father in jail. Bradford is determined to fight Alexis, and wants Daniel to keep the company running until he gets out. Daniel is concerned that the police have some compelling evidence against him. Bradford asks if Daniel believes that he’s innocent, and Daniel wants to but isn’t sure. OK, time to move on to other stuff, Show, because this is boring me. If they’re going to put Bradford in jail without any Oz action (best HBO series ever), they should at least take some cues from Arrested Development. Prison can be super fun!

Back in the Mode offices, Daniel calls a staff meeting for 11. He wants everyone to focus on work and get cracking on the swimsuit issue. He also insists to Betty that he doesn’t have a sister. Convinced that Daniel just needs a little caffeine, Betty goes to the cafeteria to get him some coffee. And in the cafeteria, she runs into Cute Henry! Yay! And Cute Henry asks her out to see Wicked. Why would Henry pick Wicked, you ask? Well, he heard her humming the soundtrack in the elevator, so got some tickets. Should we now call him Cute, Thoughful Henry?! I think so!

Betty is thrilled until Henry uses the phrase “It’s a date.” Oh no! She explains she can’t date him because of Walter and then suggests that they still go see Wicked. As “friends.” Oh, double no! You can’t be friends with Cute, Thoughful Henry! You have to go to Make Out City with him! I’m hoping that Henry mans up and tells her that she needs to break up with Walter immediately, but he doesn’t. He agrees to go as friends. Triple no!

In the big 11am Mode meeting, Daniel tells the staff that everything will continue as it always has. But that’s hard to believe when Alexis comes in and does a reading from the company charter. You know, the charter that states that if Bradford can’t run the company, controls go to his oldest son, Alex Meade. Methinks someone in the legal department should get fired for not updating that one. Learning my lesson, I paused the Tivo here, and quickly updated my own charter. If anything happens to me, control of my apartment is immediately handed over to my cat, Kitty Clarkson.

After reading the charter, Alexis announces that Wil is the new editor-in-chief of Mode. And then she fires Daniel. This episode is getting good fast!

Daniel retreats to his office, where he pledges to fight the charter. He’s going to challenge Alexis legally, which should buy him some time until Bradford gets out of jail. Betty suggests that maybe they try to forgive each other and work together, but luckily Daniel quickly poo poos that suggestion. How boring would the show be if he had listened to Betty with that one?! Betty: “Maybe you two should just work together.” Daniel: “Good idea! Alexis, welcome back!” Alexis: “Thanks, I love you, brother!” Daniel: “I love you, sister!” Me: YAWN!

Wil, empowered by her editor-in-chiefdom, has already started firing people. But Alexis explains that Daniel got an injunction and the take-over is on hold. Furious, Wil decides that the magazine can’t function without her. She leaves, announcing that she will only return when she is officially running the magazine.

And as if that wasn’t enough excitement, Ignacio shows up at Mode. He wanted to talk to Betty about Walter. Apparently they don’t have phones in Queens, and he had to come all the way over to tell her in person. He tells Betty that Walter has been offered a job as Assistant Manager of a new Pro Buy in Maryland. But Walter is going to turn it down to stay with Betty. Ignacio tells Betty that unless she’s planning on marry Walter, she has to let him go. Yes, Betty, listen to your father! If you won’t do it for every other good reason, do it for Walter’s sake! Then we learn the real reason for Ignacio’s trip – he wants to see Alexis. Well, can’t blame him for that one!

And things still don’t stop at Mode. Claire Meade, Daniel’s mother shows up. Daniel is furious that she’s in a good mood, given all that is going on with their family. But Claire explains that her child who she thought was dead is now alive and back with her. Kind of hard to argue with that one. But Daniel thinks his mom is losing her mind and plans to take the rest of the day off of work to take his mom to a spa. Apparently Daniel has completely forgotten that: a) he promised his father that he would watch the business, b) he is fighting with Alexis (and Wil) for control and c) has a magazine swimsuit issue to put out. It’s sort of hard to think that he’s really right to run the company when he’s ready to leave that all behind for a spa day.

But before Daniel can go, Betty sees that Walter has arrived at Mode. Betty assures Daniel that she will take care of Claire and rushes off before Walter can get to her. The women get to the spa, where they have some girltalk.

Walter keeps calling, and Claire advises Betty to break up with him. OK, that’s twice in one episode that people have given Betty really good advice! Betty explains that it’s not that easy – he loves her. And before her mother died, she told Betty that if she finds someone who loves her, hold onto them. This was a really sweet moment, and I got a little teary. Then I remembered that we were talking about Walter. And that Henry also loves her and is way more awesome, so it’s not like Betty is deciding between Walter and a life in the nunnery.

Back at Mode, Alexis holds a press conference, where she announces her plans to have Meade Publications become a player in new media. Daniel interrupts, explaining that Alexis will not be leading the company. But it seems to me that if Meade Publications hasn’t considered exploring that crazy thing called the interweb before Alexis arrived, maybe she really should take over the company. But there’s no time for such practical business thinking – Daniel offers to show the reporters pictures of Alex with chest hair. The reporters all rush over to Daniel, but this seems to be an idle promise, as there are no photos in sight.

Back at the spa, Claire and Betty are still having their girl talk. When Claire asks how bad it is, Betty explains that “It’s like Cain and Abel. If Abel was a woman. Who used to be a man.” Pretty good description there. Claire reminisces about the good times when the boys were kids (and boys) and how she’d bring them to Coney Island for their birthdays. Betty thinks that the way to fix the relationship is to play on the fact that they both really care about Claire.

Meanwhile, the press conference has degenerated into a shoving match, and then a slapping fight. I really loved it when Alexis grabbed Daniel’s hand and made him hit himself in the face, all while asking the insightful question: “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?” Ah, brings me back to my childhood.

But Betty arrives and breaks it up. And tells the boys that their mother is missing. She tries to get them to speculate about where Claire would have gone, suggesting they think about happier times. But neither Alexis or Daniel can figure it out without some serious hints by Betty. Eventually Betty just drags them away to Coney Island herself.

Meanwhile back in Queens, Santos shows up at the Suarez House with Justin, who got into a fight at school.

Hilda is surprised at Justin, and also surprised that he called Santos instead of her. But Justin runs upstairs without giving the full story. And Santos criticizes Hilda, saying that Justin is being beat up because she lets him go to ice skating lessons. Hilda says that she’s not going to take away the things that he loves, but Santos thinks that it would be protecting him.

Hilda tries to talk to Justin, but he’s busy listening to the Annie Soundtrack. Ah, a kid after my own heart. Everyone knows that the best way to brighten a day is a little “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow!” The only thing better is a little dance done to “It’s a hard knock life.” Then the doorbell rings, and we learn that Justin actually beat up Bobby, a chubby kid from his school.

At Wil’s apartment, Wil realizes that she doesn’t function well without work. She calls Marc, and asks about making the deadlines for the swimsuit issue. She decides that while she can’t come back into the office, there’s another way to learn what’s going on at Mode – turns out, the orchid on Marc’s desk has a camera in it. Fact: Mode is the most awesome office ever.

Wil sends Marc around the office holding the orchid. And there are very distressing things happening at Mode… Like a birthday party.

As Wil explains, birthday parties are “the gateway to Secret Santa and casual Fridays.” Amen, sister. Nothing is worse than Secret Santas, where you’re forced to buy stupid presents for less than $5 for people in the accounting department who you don’t even know.

Wil learns that not only is Daniel MIA, Alexis is too. Horrors, as there is a 3pm deadline for the center spread. Turns out with Wil away, no one is running the magazine! Wil comes back into the office, where she finds people faxing their resumes out. She puts a stop to it all, and gets everyone back to work on the magazine. Go, Wil! I have always loved her bitchiness, but this is one of the first times that we’ve actually seen that she also kicks ass at her job. Loves it!

Meanwhile, the Meade clan plus Betty have all arrived in Coney Island. Or, as I like to call it, the Santa Monica Pier. It quickly becomes clear on the bumper cars that Alexis and Daniel were set up by Claire to try to get them to talk. Ah, trust bumper cars to bring families together.

Daniel and Alexis start arguing. Daniel is angry that Alex didn’t talk to him and tell him what he was doing. He also explains that Bradford always preferred Alex. Alexis explained that when he told Bradford about the surgery, his dad told him that he would completely cut him off and he would lose everything. In fact, Bradford even told his son: “I’d rather you were dead.” And that’s when Alexis decided to get revenge on Bradford. Daniel is upset that Alex didn’t come to him, but Alexis explained that Daniel is just like their dad, and he didn’t want to be rejected twice.

Wow. Turns out the Meade family is even more messed up than we suspected.

Back in Queens, we learn that Justin actually started the fight with Bobby. Is it wrong that my first thought was: Way to go, Justin, you can tell that just be looking at him that that kid deserved it. Hilda says that Justin wouldn’t do such a thing. But she then learns from Bobby’s mom that Bobby called Hilda a slut. She tells Hilda that she should try looking like a mother. Justin is worried that Hilda is mad at him, but Santos congratulates him for defending his mother.

Daniel is taking Betty back to Queens, and explains that he is nothing like his father. He insists that he would have been there for Alex. Betty tells Daniel that it’s not too late… Good point, Betty. Considering that he’s spent the entire episode insisting that he doesn’t have a sister, it’s hard to believe that he would have taken the sex change news happily a few months before.

And who is waiting at the Suarez house? Why, it’s none other than our good friend Walter. Betty tells Walter how much he has meant to her, and he stops her with a kiss. Which was just as gross to watch as it is to think about now.

But Walter explains that he wanted one last kiss before they broke up. He tells that he took the job in Maryland, and that he will miss her. And she says that she will miss him too. And I yell at the TV: “I will not miss you, so let’s get on with it!”

So it’s done! We now live in a Walter free world! Celebrate good times, come on!

And as if this wasn’t enough to make my happy, we go back to Mode’s offices, where Henry is leaving a Wicked T-shirt for Betty. But as Henry leaves, a mysterious woman gets off the elevator. He asks what she’s doing there. Oh no. Double no. Triple no. This can’t be good. My happiness was so shortlived!

The next morning, Hilda comes down to bring Justin to school dressed in dumpy jeans and a T-shirt. When Justin questions her, she explains that she is trying to be a mom. But Justin stops her, explaining that she is the one who taught him that he shouldn’t care what people think. Aw, Show, I heart how you worked a message into that! Justin explains that he doesn’t mind the way she dresses – although he wouldn’t mind if she cut back on the animal prints and accessories.

Betty arrives at Mode, and Daniel sends her off on an errand immediately – Betty needs to bring a new credit card to Claire at the Four Seasons, as she wore hers out. Before Betty can go, Henry stops her. He gives her both tickets to Wicked. Turns out, the mysterious elevator rider was none other than his ex-girlfriend. When he was home for Christmas (you know, where he went after Betty didn’t call him because Hilda didn’t give her message… AHHHHH!), they got back together, and she came to New York to try to make it work. So he gives her the tickets to use with Walter and walks away.

And this is when I yell at the TV. “Betty, stop him! Tell him you and Walter broke up! Tell him you love Wicked, and him, and his glasses, and all his accounting jokes! Tell him that you’re from Queens and you can kick the butt of any silly ex-girlfriend trying to come between you! Come on, Betty! COME ON!” But Betty says nothing.

Sigh.

Meanwhile, Daniel goes to see Alexis. He explains that it’s a family company and they should work together. Alexis agrees, as long as Daniel stops staring at her boobs. Daniel explains that he’s actually staring at her Adam’s Apple. And with that heartwarming exchange, the two shake hands.

But what they don’t know is that Wil is watching them on orchid-cam. And Wil is not happy about this new alliance.

At the Four Seasons, Claire brings Betty into her hotel room. It may be ten in the morning, but Claire is already drinking. Betty assures her that Bradford will be out soon, and Claire tells her that she knows that Bradford didn’t kill Fey. How does Claire know that, you ask? Well, because Claire killed her! With that news, Betty grabs Claire’s martini and chugs it down.

And the episode is over.

Oh my, it’s another good one, and promises more good stuff to come. What will Wil do about Alexis and Daniel? Will the brothers be able to work together? Did anyone actually work on the swimsuit issue? Will Bradford stay in jail? Will Betty narc out Claire? And, more importantly, will Betty throw down with Henry’s new girlfriend? And what will I do without Walter to hate?