Recap: Ugly Betty: Save Betty, Save the World

Last week’s exciting episode left us with a lot of questions. Could Daniel and Alexis work together? Did Claire Meade really kill Fey? How awesome will Queens be without Walter? And, most importantly, what are we going to do about Henry’s new girlfriend?

I had some ideas on Henry’s new girlfriend myself, and they rhymed with “blass flicking”. But I figured I’d wait and see what the show did before trying to take matters into my own hands. The episode opens with Betty, sound asleep in her head gear and rollers. She is awakened by Claire Meade, would is lounging in her bed and drinking a martini. Claire threatens Betty, saying if Betty tells anyone she killed Fey, she’ll kill Betty too. Just then, Betty wakes up! It was all a dream! I have to say that I wasn’t really that surprised. There’s no way the real Claire Meade would ever set foot in Queens. Or would wear those dangly rhinestone earrings.

Then suddenly, Henry is in Betty’s bed. Just when I think it’s getting good, Henry introduces Betty to his new girlfriend. Darn it! Poor Betty! Even in her dreams, Henry isn’t hers. It’s totally unfair when you can’t even get the guy of your dreams in your own dreams! To make matters worse, Henry’s new girlfriend is a sexy siren in red lingerie.

And then Henry and the sexy siren start to kiss right in front of Betty. At this point, Betty finally really wakes up.

At this point, I realize that the picture of Walter beside the bed is gone. So yay for that, Betty’s moving on! And then I realize that Betty no longer has The Little Mermaid sheets on her bed. So yay for that, Betty’s no longer sleeping in a bed made for a 13-year-old! And then I realize that the clock on her bed says that it’s 11:11pm. Which means that although Betty isn’t actually 13, she does have the same bedtime as a 13-year-old.

At Mode, Daniel and Alexis arrive at work at the same time. Wil watches warily as they talk about running the company together. As much as Wil is a backstabber, she is a totally fabulous backstabber, and as of last episode she seemed to be the only one at the magazine who was actually worried about putting together a magazine. Even though Daniel is editor-in-chief, it’s been a few episodes since we’ve actually seen him do any sort of work.

Betty is a nervous wreck when Daniel arrives. He wants to make a phone call before they talk, but Betty blurts out: “Your mother killed Fey Sommers!” Not only does she get Daniel’s attention, she gets rid of the Fed Ex guy. But Betty really needs to work on better ways to break news. After all, Daniel is from a well-heeled family. I really think Emily Post would prefer Betty to say something something like: “Here’s your morning bagel and coffee. Would you like the paper? Oh, and if it isn’t too much bother, you might want to think about if your mother killed that lovely Miss Sommers, from the office.”

Meanwhile, Wil is upset about the burgeoning relationship between Daniel and Alexis. Marc, always eager to help, says he’ll put out a “GayPB” amongst the assistants to find out what’s going on. I’m hoping for really good gossip – like where Alexis can buy sexy shoes that are appropriate for Mode but also fit man-sized feet.

Meanwhile, Christina arrives, asking if Wil needs something hemmed. Wil replies “You’re not here to stitch, you’re here to snitch,” and Marc chimes in with “She needs information, bitch.” He thought they were rhyming. Hi-larious. I really adore Betty, but I honestly could watch an entire show focused on Wil and Marc (especially if they got Justin as an intern!)

Marc’s assistant network works quickly, and he fills Wil in with the scoop – Alexis’s calendar is empty and no one is returning her calls. Wil suspects that Alexis is aligning with Daniel only because she has no other options. Christina has no gossip, and tries to sneak out. But Wil tells Marc that they need to keep Christina on their side, and tells Marc to be her bff.

Back at Daniel’s office, Daniel doesn’t seem concerned about Betty’s news. He tells her that Claire often makes things up when she’s drinking. Apparently Daniel is unconcerned that, while just a few weeks out of rehab, Claire is already drinking enough again to make up stories. Well, I guess sometimes rehab is just an excuse to rest up for more partying (see: Lohan, Lindsay).

But Betty gives Daniel some details – that Claire cut Fey’s brakes, followed her in her Aston Martin and watched her crash into a tree. This gets Daniel’s attention. And apparently warrants a trip out to Rykers to see Bradford. I know this is high drama and crisis time for the Meade family, but I’d again like to point out that Daniel has a job. If he’s going to insist on being editor-in-chief of Mode, he should actually do some sort of work as editor-in-chief.

Bradford tells Daniel that Claire wouldn’t have killed Fey. He, too, just thinks that she only said it because she was drunk. Guess this family won’t be staging an intervention any time soon. Bradford tells Daniel that he wants a new lawyer – a woman named Grace Chin. Daniel looks worried.

We quickly learn why. Turns out, Grace Chin was his TA in college. He promised to take her out for New Years if she helped him pass criminology. She did, but he stood her up for another girl. He didn’t even feel bad about it at the time, as she was chubby with glasses. And everyone knows that girls with glasses deserve whatever pain they get (see: Welcome to the Dollshouse). After all, they have glasses.

Meanwhile, Betty goes to see Christina. Daniel gave her an invitation to a Stella McCartney party, and Betty wants to bring Christina as her plus one. She also thinks that going to a party will get her mind off of Henry’s slutty girlfriend. Christina is excited until she gets a phone call. It’s Sarah Jessica Parker. She liked Christina’s work at Fashion Week, and wants her to design an Oscar dress for her. The big catch – she needs it tomorrow. Christina freaks out. But Betty takes the phone – and in an accent that makes Christina declare “I’m Scottish, not an Australian hooker” – agrees to make the dress. Before Betty is even gone, Christina is already sketching ideas.

In the cafeteria, the sweet red-headed girl in line in front of Betty is $2 short. She offers to give up her brownie. But Betty, realizing the tragedy that accompanies denial of baked goods, gives her the money. Why can’t I work with someone like Betty?! Last time I was short of cash in the lunch line, people behind me just got mad that I was holding things up. The red-headed girl then introduces herself as Charlotte, but announces that everyone calls her Charlie.

And this is when I realize that I recognize this girl – she was Charlie on Heroes. You know, the girl who had the ability to learn things quickly, who fell in love with Hiro, and he went back in time to try to save her, but he couldn’t do it and it was really sad. And I start to blend the shows in my head, and blame her a little bit for causing Hiro so much pain. And then I start to think “Does she only play characters named Charlie?” And then I look her up on the IMDB, and in her biography is says “Enjoys doing long division and multiplying fractions in her spare time.” Which makes me think that she’s either really awesome or really weird and boring.

But then I realize – I’m supposed to be watching Ugly Betty here. Focus, focus, focus.

Betty and Charlie are having lunch and making small talk. Charlie designs jewelry and just moved to New York two days before. She finds New York a bit scary. And Betty, being the friendly person that she is, invites Charlie to join her at the Stella McCartney party that night. And just then… Cute Henry arrives. And we learn that Charlie is his girlfriend!

Oh no!! So unfair! Does his girlfriend really have to be cute and sweet?! Show, that’s unfair! We want to hate her! And she deserves to be hated. We finally got rid of Walter, and now this! Would it have been so hard to give her a third eye or something?

Betty hides from Henry. But Amanda narcs her out. Betty tries to cover with an awesome excuse – “I lost a contact…. Not mine.” I feel like with skills like that, we should see Betty in the World Series of Poker any day. Henry is worried that things might be weird between them, and especially weird if Betty hangs out with Charlie. But Betty assures him that everything is fine.

Henry leaves, and we learn that Betty wasn’t fooling anyone. Especially not Amanda. Betty says that she wants to take the higher road and be the bigger person. But Amanda tells her that she has to seize her inner Mode-girl and fight for her dweeb. She should find Charlie’s weakness and exploit it. Oh, yay! You know this is gonna lead to good stuff. You know, as long as Charlie really didn’t pick up any superpowers on Heroes. Because if she did, this could end really poorly for everyone. Although perhaps my new motto then could be “Save Betty, Save the World”.

Back in Queens, Justin is nervous. The forecast calls for a blizzard that night. But it’s also his big night out to the city to see the musical Hairspray with Hilda and Santos. Hilda assures him that they will make it.

But we then learn that she didn’t actually tell Santos that he’s going to a musical. Santos, not really a singing and dancing kind of guy, doesn’t want to go. Maybe they should have chosen a more appropriate musical. I am pretty sure that Santos would like West Side Story, with the gang members singing and snapping and dancing around. With West Side story, he could learn that singing and dancing don’t keep you from stabbing people. Santos decides that he’ll drop Justin and Hilda off to see the musical, go watch the game in a bar, and then pick them up afterwards.

Meanwhile, Wil invites Alexis out to the opera with her that evening. Alexis is a little down. She complains to Alexis that she didn’t anticipate how hard it would be to come back from the dead. She didn’t expect people to be so unforgiving. I’m having a hard time feeling too bad for Alexis here. I wouldn’t care at all if one of my friends got a sex change. I would care, however, if one of my friends pretended to be dead for two years and put me through a lot of pain and anguish.

Back at Mode, it’s time for Daniel’s meeting with The Chin. And it turns out, Grace Chin is hot now. In fact, she’s now Lucy Liu.

Daniel explains to Betty that Grace used to have braces and glasses and crazy hair. You know, totally unlike someone we know and love.

But the meeting begins and at first Daniel thinks that she doesn’t remember him. But she does, and she explains that even though she’s the only one who can win the case, she won’t take it. She won’t accept his apology and explains that she really only came to see his face when she rejected him.

That night, Betty and Charlie have to take the subway to the party, as with the snowstorm all the cabs are taken. Charlie is complaining about New York – she thinks that Henry could be an accountant in Tuscon just as easily. And when Betty gives the guy drumming in the subway $1, Charlie thinks he’ll just spend it on crack. Thanks, Show – Charlie does have a super power. It’s being super annoying! (OK, maybe just a little bit annoying and naïve, but I really want to hate her…)

Charlie is nervous about the crowds and getting lost. And this is when evil Amanda starts to appear. Well, actually, people in the crowd around them take on Amanda’s face, which is kind of weird. But the Amandas start encouraging Betty to ditch Charlie. And Betty does. As Charlie gets pushed with the crowds onto the train, Betty lets her go and stays on the platform.

While I don’t encourage that kind of behavior necessarily, it really is a very Amanda / Wilhelmina move. And I sort of love that Betty did it. Even though it’s wrong.

Betty apparently calls Henry, who freaks out about the missing Charlie. And Betty tells him the truth. That she “kind of” lost Charlie on purpose. And this seems to confuse Cute Henry. Because while Henry might be cute, apparently the signs of jealousy in a girl are completely lost on him.

Also on the subway are Justin, Hilda and Santos. Justin is freaking out because they’re going to be late for Hairspray. But just then, the subway lights go out. And the subway stops. Yup, they’re trapped underground.

The snowstorm also screws up Wil and Alexis’s trip to the opera, and they end up in a bar while they try to find a car with snowtires. And much to Wil’s dismay, it’s a sportsbar. Luckily, she’s wearing a white fur Cossack hat, so she fits right in with the Wall Street guys doing shots after work. There’s nothing bond traders love more than fashion from the old country.

And Christina is also freaking out. Every vendor in the city is closed because of the snowstorm, which means that she can’t get fabric for Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress. And on top of that, Marc doesn’t like her designs. Marc suggests she use whatever materials she has, and Christina starts cutting up Mode Magazines and bubble wrap. I know I’m not very fashion forward, but really? For the Oscars?

Daniel has called Grace Chin to his office. He explains that he was going to try to make up for the New Years they didn’t have together, and has champagne, noise makers, and lots of fun stuff. She still isn’t interested, but does give him a way to make up for it. She explains that she wasn’t the only one he hurt in college. And this is when Grace pulls out a stack of folders of all the women he ditched. If he wants her to take the case, he has to apologize to every woman he hurt in college. I’m assuming this will take the rest of the season, so let’s settle in, people.

Back at the bar, Alexis is playing basketball with some young men. Turns out Alexis is a good shot. Wil has finally found a car and is ready to leave, but Alexis wants to skip the Met and stay there. After all, one particular guy is cute. And is also Jerry O’Connell. Who is cute, but also has also always reminded of the kind of frat boy who would slip a roofie into your drink.

On the subway, Justin is disappointed about missing the beginning of Hairspray, especially since Santos doesn’t know how it begins. Eager to make up for it, and to make sure his dad isn’t confused by the show, Justin stands up and starts to perform. Everyone on the subway car is treated to the opening moments of Hairspray.

People seem to be mainly confused, but I am pretty sure that if I was stuck on a subway car, I would appreciate a musical distraction to keep from having a panic attack. Also, it sounds like fun. Next time I’m stuck on the subway, I’m for sure going to treat everyone to a full rendition of the greatest musical ever made – Annie.

Back to Betty and Henry. Henry is still confused, thinking that maybe something happened between Betty and Charlie. Henry might be a good accountant, but people are obviously very confusing for him. Betty finally admits that she likes him. And she finally admits that she broke up with Walter for him. FINALLY! We’ve been waiting for months for these two to finally have this conversation. Now, if we can only keep Charlie trapped on a subway train for a few more hours… But before anything can happen, Betty rushes away.

Back at Mode, Daniel is making phone calls and apologizing to the women. Grace finally realizes that he would do anything to help his father. Daniel admits to her that he really does regret some of the things that he did (Note that he only regrets some of them. While Daniel might have learned that you can’t treat girls badly just because they wear glasses, presumably there are still some who deserve it!) But now we discover that Grace finds his remorse a turn on. She grabs him, kisses him, and pulls open his shirt. Wowsa!

Then comes the shocking news. Daniel wasn’t calling the girls from college at all. At the other end of every one of those phone calls was his naughty friend Becks. Whoops. I bet this won’t come back and bite him in the bum at all!

Meanwhile, in another bar, Alexis decides to skip the opera and stay with Jerry O’Connell in the bar. Wil leaves, and Jerry slips Alexis a napkin. At first, Alexis seems a bit confused. But then we learn that he is looking for her phone number. Alexis hesitates a moment before writing it down. And Jerry quickly shoots his arms in the air and announces “I got it!” Is he just glad to get a chick’s phone number? Not hardly! Turns out he knew who Alexis was all along, and would win a bet if he got her phone number. Alexis is crushed. But just then, Wil comes back into the bar and decks Jerry with a punch that knocks him off his bar stool. As if I needed any more reasons to love Wil, now I’ve got one. Boy, can she pack a punch!

On the subway, a fellow subway rider complains and calls Justin a fairy. Santos immediately jumps to his defense, and tells Justin to keep going. And the whole subway car claps at Santos’s courage and caring. Aw, what a heartwarming moment! And I’d like to point that this is further proof that LA needs a better subway system! Obviously subways are all we need to bring us all together, because through subway riding we can learn that gay people are just regular people. Well, regular people who can sing and dance way better than the rest of us.

Wil and Alexis are riding in the limo together. Alexis is sad, because she had no idea people could be so awful. If I were there, I’d point out that letting your mom think that you’re dead for two years is pretty awful too. But I’m also pretty heartless. Wil points out that some people have been nice. Alexis thanks Wil for her kindness. She also thought that Daniel would reject her, but he didn’t. Wil asks when Alexis is going to fire Daniel and make her editor-in-chief. And learns that Alexis’s plans have changed. She wants to keep Wil on as creative director, but editor-in-chief now belongs to Daniel. Wil is, understandably, pissed, and gets out of the car.

Luckily, out on the street, Henry finds Betty. She’s buying a pretzel. Ah, I love a girl who eats under stress. They talk a little more, and Henry points out how caring Betty is. And how beautiful. And they’re leaning in, and we’re about to get a kiss…

When Charlie shows up! JERKS! Turns out, Charlie loved her subway ride and met such nice people, and she has discovered that she hearts New York. She’s decided to stay and try to make it work with Henry. Betty and Henry both stand there, silent and sad. Just as I was sitting on my couch, equally silent and equally sad. And Betty gives Henry and Charlie the invitation to the Stella McCartney party and goes home. Noooo…

Back at Mode, the final Sarah Jessica Parker dress is done. And I’m sticking with “Really? For the Oscars?” Because, everything else aside, would a celebrity really show up at the Oscars in a dress that is basically a billboard for Mode?

But no one comments on the design, as Wil is too upset with Alexis to notice. Christina tries to move away, but Wil insists that Christina is part of her team. She also tells Christina that if she crosses her, she’ll lose.

In Daniel’s office, Grace has finally agreed to take Daniel’s case. She tells him that she’s looked into the evidence, and it doesn’t seem to be very strong. They can’t even find a star witness, which is a person who was parked across from the accident in a blue Aston Martin. This information makes Daniel stop and think. And far be it from me to question the skills of New York cops, but can there be so many blue Aston Martins in New York that it’s impossible to trace one back to the wife of the person being held for the crime?!

Meanwhile, Claire is visiting Bradford in jail. He tells her that she was supposed to stay quiet and let him handle things. But she says that their family is falling apart and she has to take things into her own hands. She tells Bradford that she’s turning herself in and leaves the jail.

Back at Mode, Christina get a phone call, and learns that Sarah Jessica Parker is going to wear another designer to the Oscar. Christina is upset, but Marc points out that Wil works quickly. He tells Christina that it gets easier, and then rushes off to help Wil.

And the episode ends sadly with Daniel watching his mom get out of her blue Aston Martin, and Betty walking slowly down the street alone.

So what’s going to happen next? Will Claire turn herself in? If she does, will they let Bradford out? And if he gets out, will there still be a place at Mode for Alexis? What does all of this mean for Wil? Will Santos really learn to love musical theater? And what about Cute Henry and Betty? When we will get our long-awaited Nerds in Love episode?