Ugly Betty: Barbed Wire, Sports Guy, and Heinrich, Oh My!

Hello Gasmii, sorry for the late recap, I have been busy procuring some employment and I had no idea how much a new job would cut into my recapping! Thanks for your patience, I recap much better when I can pay bills and you know, afford to eat.

This week, a new Meade joins the family!

We open this happy-go-lucky episode of Ugly Betty with a woman speaking at Y.E.T.I. (crap, I thought we were sort of done with this once Papi’s heart crapped out) about the horrors of Darfur. To the woman next to him Marc says, “We get it…Darfur’s a bummer, but who wants those images in their head?” and the camera pans so we see Betty crying.

No, this look really isn’t helping.

“She amazing,” Betty says to the woman next to her. “You’re so lucky to be able to work for her,” to which the woman replies to Betty that Mode sounds so much more fun, especially during “Fashion Week.” More fun than Darfur?

“Fashion Week does not compare to Genocide Week,” Betty says. Is that another Hallmark holiday, because they are really running out of ideas. The woman finishes speaking and Jodie (Bernadette’s back!) says that it was both brilliant and depressing, but mostly brilliant. Betty gets up to talk to the depressing editor, and some tool interrupts her and asks if the jacket he is wearing is brown. Ironically, he’s still too good for me.

…and it’s ultrasuede…just like Madonna’s skin!

“Yes,” Betty answers, exasperated because he hasn’t qualified this bonehead question by saying he’s color blind. He stands up and starts complaining that he never had the box of 64 crayons that every other kid had, and I’m like dude, I’m sure you had the box of 8 that had brow in it. Then he starts talking about obscure colors like mocha and clearly Betty is trying to get by him to talk to the Darfur editor. “Or mudd…or treebark…” he continues and Betty tells them those aren’t really colors. Have you been to Lowe’s paint chip isle lately? They are!

Jealous, Sports Guy?

“Well, leave it to fashion girl to clear that up,” he says. Fashion girl? Who the hell is he talking about? Jodie? Darfur lady? Me? Because I know sure as hell he isn’t talking about Crayola-explosion blouse Betty.

“I’m not fashion girl,” Betty says and Marc leans in and says, “I’m fashion girl.” And how! Anyway, this guy introduces himself as “Sports Guy,” then calls Betty “Fashion Girl” and says they are known as their magazines. I guess I’m “Coupon Weekly Girl.” Excellent! Darfur editor overhears this trite conversation and asks Betty what she does at Mode. Betty is kind of the Meade’s “get out of jail free” card.

Betty tells her that she’s the assistant to the editor-in-chief (well, one of them), writes for their website, and oversaw a cover shoot. Darfur says, “Well, looks like you are well on your way to becoming a fashion editor.” Okay, first of all, LOOK AT HER. Fashion is soooo not in her blood, although the glasses do smack of Anna Wintour. Second, just because you start out at one place does not mean you will get stuck there. If that were the case, people would be calling me “Pre-menopausal Blockbuster Girl.”

Betty explains that she doesn’t plan to stay in fashion, that’s why she’s in Y.E.T.I. The woman tells her to get off the fashion track and get other experience, otherwise fashion is where she’s heading. THAT IS WHY SHE’S IN Y.E.T.I. Pay attention, Darfur!

Back at Mode, Betty is explaining her great idea to Christina about how she recommended to Jodie that everyone pair up with someone at a different magazine to get more experience. Christina warns Betty she’s got enough stuff going on with Fashion Week and I have to ask, is it Fashion Week? I hadn’t heard. About Fashion Week.

Does anyone see owls, because I can totally hear something hooting.

Marc is going over Wilhelmina’s schedule with her and it’s all Donna Karan coffee, Donna Karan lunch, and Donna Karan show. Willie’s smart enough to be wearing Cavalli and tells Marc to give her the damn dress. Which Cavalli did not send over. And why is that please? Because that design house will burn.

Marc explains that since Willie has been dating Connor, she hasn’t been out and about like she used to, so she’s “fallen off the radar.” Why-oh-why is she not parading Connor around like a prize? I know I would be. Willie has a conniption because “Wilhelmina Slater is the most important person at Fashion Week.” I thought that was Mizrahi’s mom. Am I wrong?

In Daniel’s den of whatever he does, he says he doesn’t want to sit next to this guy but does want to sit next to that guy and blabbedy-blah-blah-blah. Daniel then dumps out a huge bag of dress shirts that need to be tailored to be “peeking out” instead of “peering out” from jackets, so he needs 1/8 an inch taken off all of them. He tells Betty to get them fixed but do not use his name because he’s mortified about the mix up. Wow. Precious.

Looks like Betty’s the one that had yak this week.
Or it’s Daniel’s cuffs. Hard to tell.

Betty asks Daniel if he has any non-fashion related work for her, and Daniel says exactly what I’m thinking which is scary on so many levels, “It’s Fashion Week at a fashion magazine,” dumbass. “I do have this press release you could write,” he says, not realizing that a fashion magazine either has in-house PR professionals or a PR firm. But no, let someone green write the release.

BRRRAAAPPP! Must be the yak from last week.

Running into the hallway is Molly dressed as Barbara Bush with the pearl necklace (insert joke here). Dear God, she’s got huge grandma earrings to match. What a marooooon. “Everything I’m wearing hurts,” she says. “That’s good, right?” It is for me but mostly because I don’t like your character much anymore.

They walk by Wilhelmina and she says, “Peering? My God Daniel, have some self-respect.” This joke is already tired. But she does look amazing in the green form-fitting dress.

Back at Casa Amore, they are getting ready to have a farewell party for Elena and Hilda is totally excited. What Hilda probably doesn’t get (because she has pea soup for brains) is that Elena as the nurse is going away, Elena as the hot chica girlfriend is probably around to stay. Duh.

The person selling Betty these purses must be stopped.

Back at Y.E.T.I. (which meets really inconsistently), Jodie says everyone will be picking partners. So everyone pairs up with someone who is at a magazine they are interested in – Betty sits next to the girl with Darfur editor at The New York Review. But Jodie pulls a fast one and tells them they are actually paired with the person on the other side of them. Personally, I hate it when people pull crap like this. It’s like people with power are trying to rule over you and it just makes them look like asses.

And…Betty gets stuck with Sports Guy. Oh, crap. Worse than fashion! Except when it mates, as in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. “In publishing, you must expect the unexpected,” Jodie says. Wonder if she expects NOT to be stabbed during the course of this project? Betty is less than thrilled. Jodie tells them to track the other person at their magazine and be ready to discuss five things you learned. Who would have time to do this during the course of a work week? Also, I think there is something big going on in fashion that week. Can’t remember what it is, though.

Betty goes up to Jodie and “doesn’t want to question” her decision but then questions her decision. She says she already works at a fashion magazine and she’s not sure what she can learn “from Sports Guy.” “Who is standing right behind you,” Jodie says. “Awkward!”

The insult is coming from right in front of you!

Betty tells him they should just switch partners because he probably doesn’t want to learn about fashion. “No, I do,” he says, “and you are the perfect person to teach me.”

Hold the effing phone.

Hold it right there.

My Spidey sense is tingling. Is this guy somehow interested in Betty for more than her Fashion Girl sense? IS HE INTERESTED IN HER AS A WOMAN?

That’s it. I’m going asexual. Betty has had how many guys interested in her since the beginning of the show? Walter, Henry, Gio, Jesse, and now Sports Guy? Five guys in three seasons. Yep. Asexual it is! Oh, and the Crayola color I’m now wearing? Pissed-Off Umber. It comes with Angry Heart-Attack Red.

Betty is not pleased. You know what? Why don’t you just get laid and SHUT THE HELL UP you little tartlet of Manhattan and the boring boroughs?

Back at Mode Betty is with Sports Guy and he won’t shut up while she’s checking her messages. Why? Too busy asking you out to dinner? GRRRRR. Amanda swings by and Betty asks her if she knows about some guy named Heinrich, the person they’ve added to the Mode fashion show for Fashion Week. Which is occurring now. Amanda has no clue who he is and Sports Guy says, “Wow, Heinrich? He’s great.” If you don’t know brown, you don’t know Heinrich. Which he doesn’t.

Daniel comes back into the office and Amanda tells him he was all over the papers. She begins to read the paper which says Daniel looked great, then stops when it tells who he was with. “He was accompanied by his new girlfriend/charity case, a frump with a pulled-back hairstyle that a turn-of-the-century librarian would deem too severe.” Amanda reminds him that they didn’t mention her big ears. Good point! Daniel says Molly looked fine but Amanda reads more…not so much. Maybe next time Molly will skip Fashion Week and instead attend I Work at a School Week.

Amanda turns to stone at the picture of Molly from Fashion Week.

Betty and Sports Guy show up at Heinrich’s studio and Betty tells him to shut up until spoken to. Or something less severe. They open the door and see some hideous outfits on two mannequins and a dead body on the floor. Finally!

My brother used to have clown wallpaper.
No wonder I became a recapper.

No – he’s not. Damn. “I’m The Heinrich,” he says. “Heinrich for short.” She introduces herself and Sports Guy. Heinrich says, “We will make love. Not today, but someday.” Oh, that is just great, now she has six guys who want her. I’ll be out on the ledge, too bad I’m only on the first floor.

Now is the time on Sprockets when we take a break.

He shows them a mannequin that has the dress he’s showing at the Mode show and it’s made of broken glass shards and barbed wire, much like my heart right now. No, wait – it has wings. Nevermind. Maybe they could get Molly to model it? Pretty please?

Edward Scissorhands meets The Crow.
I would totally go see that movie!

Back at Mode Betty is complaining that none of the models will wear Heinrich’s dress because they won’t sign the release. Odd, considering most of them have such low body fat, I doubt any blood actually pulses through their bodies. That would be a cinch to wear! Christina loves it. She will not be missed.

“So The Closet is just like a really big closet,” Sports Guy says. Oh my God, can’t someone push him down the stairs? Christina knows where they are. “So do they ever give you any of the clothes?” he asks Betty. No, because Betty is a huge cow and they don’t fit, and clearly she prefers dressing like something from Working Girl on LSD. Betty sends him on his way to read back issues of Mode and look in her “confidential drawer” which contains snacks. Betty, we’ve seen your ass, the drawer ain’t confidential.

You are too white to pump your fist like this.

Betty and Christina decide to write a fake press release calling fashion pain and recommending people get their tetanus shots before wearing his stuff. Well, Christina writes it. Then we see Betty at home and Justin is putting the finishing touches on the real one. Did Betty write any of it? Betty tells Justin that she only gets two tickets to the Mode show this year so he has to decide who he’s going with. What are his choices, Papi and Hilda? Easy choice. Just like Hilda!

Hilda comes into the dining room with pancakes she made because she’s celebrating Elena not being there. But guess what? Elena spent the night! And now she’s in the dining room with Papi! Smiling too much! “You have the same hideous bathrobe as Grandpa?” Justin asks. Papi says it’s not hideous, it’s retro, and obviously they have some things to talk about. Like birth control or like how gross it is to know your dad’s been getting it on in the same bed he shared with your NOW DEAD MOTHER? Telenovela, I bow to thee.

We had sex! No really, we did. TWICE. I think.

Betty puts the real press release in Daniel’s inbox but overhears Suzuki St. Pierre (j’adore!) talking about “cutting edge fashion.” Oh, say it IS so! Turns out the wrong press release got out! Oh, Betty is SO FIRED except is does sound kind of cool. In a rusty-nail sort of way.

Still not being able to read body language, Sports Guy comes flying up to a frantic Betty and tells her that he learned his pants are actually chinos and she corrects him with “khakis.” Sweet Christ, why doesn’t she just taze him? “Did you see where I put that press release yesterday?” she asks him. He says he gave it to her boss. “It said for immediate release.” Why did they print it out in the first place? And did Daniel even read it? Maybe he just peered at it. Or peeked. I can’t remember what is in now.

He’s got a cure to what ails ya, Hilda…antibiotics!

They look back and here comes Daniel looking pissed. Or he has to take a crap, I can’t tell. Sports Guy says that if she gets fired, he can get her a job covering wrestling. Well, it would be a step up. Daniel is pacing and pissed. “Daniel, I’m sorry,” she says. “Peering…is back,” he says. She should hook him up with Darfur editor, they’d have SO MUCH to talk about. Now he’s upset about that 1/8 inch off his cuffs. I covet his life.

Worst-case scenario: His cuffs POKE.

“Nice job on that press release,” he tells her once he calms down. “I liked that it wasn’t full of the same old clichés. And so did Heinrich.” Betty is surprised as is every PR person in America. “He wants you to produce his show.” You mean the show for Fashion Week? That is occurring right now? Because he’s a procrastinator and doesn’t have it ready? Don’t these things get planning way in advance? Oh, these questions are giving me a migraine.

Betty wants to know what she’s supposed to do. “Come up with a concept for his show to get people excited about his clothes,” Daniel says. I’ve worked for people like this and you will notice that I used the past tense. I bet people who really work at fashion magazines roll their eyes every time they watch this show. Or every time they see Betty’s ensembles.

Betty doesn’t think she’s right for this but Daniel says designers usually have very clear visions on what they want and Heinrich will tell Betty. Except Daniel doesn’t know that Heinrich doesn’t have clear vision because he broke his glasses to use for his collection! Why couldn’t she have done this to Ralph Lauren or Oscar de la Renta or some designer with taste and class? Sports Guy smiles and…great, and he’s cute. You know, Betty, save some for the rest of us!

Marc and Wilhelmina are in the car and Marc is confirming her usual seat at some show…except oops, she’s in the second row! Marc wets himself a little. He starts talking off to the side so Willie can’t hear him offering the person at the other end of the line box seats at the Met, reservations…a kidney! “I’m O-negative, it’s a universal donor,” he says. Well then save it for Willie!

No front row seat? Why not just feed me yak?

“I can hear you, you know,” Willie says. “What’s going on?” He tells her she’s in the second row. She decides not to attend. She asks Marc if she’s gone soft. He tells her “No, you are just as horrible and evil as the day Satan himself placed you in your mother’s arms.” Marc, you are a sweet-talker! She decides to remind the designers of her power. Hope she flies around on a broom with “Surrender Designers” written in smoke in the sky!

Back at Mode, Daniel is worried that Marc Jacobs or Jean Valjean or Chanel back-from-the-dead will be judging his new girlfriend/pre-cancerous mole, so he has some stylists doll her up. Personally, I would have been insulted. When she’s done, she reminds me of the second Becky from Roseanne. The suit looks cheap and has gold chains/piping on it so she has the head of a 16 year old and the body of an 80 year old. Nice work, stylists, good to know Vogue has nothing to worry about.

I’m not imaging it, am I?

Back at The Heinrich’s studio, he says, “You are the first person who understands me, Betty Suarez.” “Still, we will wait to make love.” Good call, Betty may have some waxing “issues” going on right now that would make your glass/rusty nail/barbed wire/wing dress look like bunny fur. Betty wants to talk about his show, and she has Sports Guy in tow at this meeting too. Does he not need to be, you know, working at his own job this week?

I may be a designer, but even I know arms crossed
means “Steal Second Base,” Betty.

Heinrich’s thoughts? He wants a hot, dry, vortex of wind that blows dreams into of dust. Sounds like my career. Betty interprets this as lots of fans. NO! He hates fans, they are cliché. “Give me gray!” he says. “Gray, but obscure! A rainbow of gray! Like clear fog!” Yep, I’m pretty sure I used to work for this guy when I was in advertising…did you ever deny me Christmas hams for a radio station giveaway? Finally, “Listen to the clothes, they will tell you what to do.” They are telling me to embezzle whatever money is left under the Mode mattress and head to Mexico.

Suzuki St. Pierre is announcing who is coming to the Mode show, saying “Looks like somebody’s gone from drab to fab,” when he sees Molly. “Ugly duckling! Ugly duckling!” he calls after her. She’s not Betty for God’s sake! She walks off. Where is Daniel? Probably sitting in the front row.

Marc comes up to Suzuki and says that Willie wants to give him an exclusive review of the line who just bounced her to the second row, and “She will be at her Wil-hel-meanest,” Marc promises. I love her like that! Daniel comes up to Molly and makes a mean joke about Heidi Klum finding her way to the end of a joke (leave the mean comments to the recapper, buddy). Molly hangs up her phone and says she has to leave. Good. She gives this bullshit story about how there is a leak in her building and the landlord is afraid the ceiling will fall in and nobody cares just leave.

At Betty’s desk she and Sports Guy are staring at the picture of the “dress” and he asks, “Is it telling you what the concept is yet?” Nope. “Would it help if I told you that I Googled you and there are already 47 mentions of you and Heinrich?” Nope. “So it’s probably not the best time to ask you about the clip of you on a Harley running into a vat of Jell-O.” Nope. That’s 0 for 3, right Sports Guy?

Amanda comes flying up and begs Betty to get her into the Heinrich show. “He is my favorite designer,” she pleads. Heinrich is all the rage and now everyone wants into the show. Turns out they are moving him to the closing position of the show. The show that is probably happening in less than 24 hours. Schweet!

Betty admits to not knowing what the hell to do and tells Sports Guy she thinks she’s “wasted three years of her life.” I know what you mean. Oops – I’m sorry, I thought you said you were wasted for three years of your life. My twenties were kind of a blur…

Sports Guy says she should take a break and come over to his magazine and learn about sports. Okay, you are cute and I would totally let you take me out for Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and a cruller, but damn, read people better! She doesn’t have time for your jockstraps!

I think I just sat on one of Heinrich’s dresses.
Be a dear and fetch me some pliers.

Betty, in unusual fashion, totally goes off on this poor guy and basically calls what he does crap, similar to her current fashion experience. “Right,” he says, and begins to walk off. “You know, I was really excited when we got partnered up. You seem so smart and interested in things, but you haven’t asked me a single thing about what I do. You heard sports and judged me the same way you don’t want people to do to you. You say you think fashion is shallow, but you seem to fit right in.” Wow. Call me! I wax!

She chases after him, apologizes, and he’s actually cool about it and they make up. So much so that she decides now is the time to learn about sports! So…the end up in the locker room of some sports-related team (I’m more HGTV Girl than Sports Girl). Guys might be naked, but what difference does it make as Betty clearly will be making her way through every guy in the New York metropolitan area before I ever get another date.

Yo, Betty! I want you too, how long’s the line now?

Ugh. Over at Movie House Suarez, the family is trying to watch a movie while Elena and Papi nuzzle like horny teens. You know, I totally get it, but you think Papi could take it down a notch or two knowing how hard this is for Hilda. Calmate, Papi! And put it back in your pants, kids are around.

Get a room, you alley cats!

More snuggling. Hilda clears her throat. Hilda gets pissed and goes into the kitchen for a beer. Papi follows her and tells her she’s acting like a child – you mean like YOUR child, because she is! “You’re acting like a horny teenager,” she says. Hilda storms out and Justin walks in. He tells Papi he likes Elena and he’s sorry Hilda and Elena can’t be friends like they used to be. Meh.

Betty’s in the locker room checking out long duck dongs every where she turns as Sports Guy tries to introduce her to who they are attached to. She tells him it must be nice to be working at his dream magazine. He tells her he always stunk at sports and thought pros were just a bunch of overpaid babies. (they are…Sprewell, Rodman, the Lakers). One of the guys says, “Hey, I heard that!” But he doesn’t deny it.

Sports Guy tells her what changed is that he got to know the guys. One player was in a car accident and told he was never going to walk again…but here he is! Then he shows her the inside of one player’s shirt that has names written on it of all his family members because the Serbian government would only let him come to the states, not his family. Wonder if any of the players are from Darfur? Anyway, Sports Guy says things didn’t come naturally to him until he made it personal. “Maybe that could help you,” he says.

Wow, “Death to America” in your shorts – now there’s dedication!

In Willie’s apartment, she’s toasting herself for trashing on the designer who snubbed her and Connor is all turned on. “Nobody puts baby in the second row,” he says, and she admonishes him for using such a tired reference (the same reference I used for Willie in a recent recap…was that a shout-out? I need the love from wherever I can get it!).

On the TV, Suzuki mentions his interview with Willie and the “juicy dish” she has for him (Connor?), but wait – there’s breaking news! “Doggy jeans are now low-waisted!” My dogs will be so pleased except one who is holding on to a little bit of winter wait – no, that’s me. Willie got dissed! One big bitch dissed by lots of little ones!

You know you’re nobody when
you are upstaged by dog jeans!

“It’s slipping away,” she says. She tells Connor that she killed herself for her career and now that she’s flirting with a personal life, she’s nothing. No, I think the point is that you are staying at home too much and perhaps you should take your boy toy and be seen out and about. And why blame Connor? Wait for the baby to come and ruin everything. Connor gives her a rah-rah speech that I fast-forwarded through the second time I watched. Yes, yes, you’re in it together.

This ensemble is from Heinrich’s “Boca Granny” line.

Back at Heinrich’s, Betty tells him that she learned all about how he grew up behind the Iron Curtain. Did she mean Iron Maiden? She even has visuals that scared me to my inner core (which is lava, by the way). She said she also learned about his father who was killed when trying to escape over the barbed wire at the Berlin Wall. “Even when the wall came down, you still had that pain. Pain that is with you in the clothes you design,” she says. He should totally strike up a deal with Wal-Mart like Mary Kate and Ashley.

Nine Inch Nails or a Christian Rock CD cover…you be the judge!

“Maybe the only way you can think of escaping is by creating giant wings that lift you up and carry you away,” she says. I think I may have had yak for lunch, because here it comes. “Is that right?” Given the plinky-plunky music, I’m thinking yes.

Heinrich claps his hands and exclaims, “Now we will make love!” Betty politely declines (she’s so booked up right now) and shows him instead a concept that some poor graphic designer had to come up with, probably in an all-nighter as usually happens, and probably pulling in a sweet $30K a year for a rat-infested New York apartment. It’s a representation of the Berlin Wall. Wow, that should be cheap to build and easy to have complete in the next 24 hours. Good one, planning staff!

Which teamster do you think is in those walls?

And the graphic dissolves into the actual wall at the show…the construction team probably got some of the stimulus money, huh? Betty tells Marc that he can explain that they are plenty of other fire exits to the building other than the two that are currently being blocked by the wall. Something tells me they can pull rank on you, Betty. You’re not God.

Betty suggests moving Isaac Mizrahi to the second row because there will be too many objects for him to throw if he has another tantrum. Daniel joins Betty and starts to tell her that something’s up with Molly and he doesn’t know what he did. Then he tells Betty about the makeover and Betty’s all like jerkwad, that was stupid, don’t you like her Molly Plain and Tall (ish)? Then you made a big oops and just not in your pants this time.

Wait! The box of 64 Crayolas are on my chest!

Hilda is at the show waiting for Justin when guess who shows up – Elena! Hilda is pissed and says, “Did my father put you up to this?” Nope, turns out it was Justin who gave up his seat, mostly because he’s the only adult in the family right now and wants these two to get along.

Daniel is on the phone with Molly apologizing for being an idiot (that had to use up some minutes) and he tells her he loves her. She says it’s been an overwhelming week, she’s crying, and says the apartment situation is “more serious than they thought.” Except she’s saying this at a doctor’s office. “But they are working on it,” she finishes. I bet it’s that Tibetan rash that has gotten out of hand! With any luck, she’ll be dead by sweeps.

Daniel, I’d love to talk, but I have stirrups to get into! Bye!

The Mode show is in full swing and they are ending with Heinrich’s show. Glass breaks everywhere (no OSHA violations there) and the show begins. It is full of wings and leather and a whole mess of stuff that probably belongs in a secret dungeon somewhere, or Vegas. “Who’s gonna wear that?” Hilda says. “I have the same one in purple,” Elena answers. Hilda laughs. Oh no! Friendship forming!

I totally wore this to my prom! I guess everything old IS new again!

More wings! Ooh! A silver pirate hat! A silver tutu! More wings! Clomping boots! This is going to sweep the nation, I can tell you that right now! Right after the apocalypse.

What do you know? She destroys the
line just by standing near the dress.

In the back, Christina is helping dress people and complaining per usual. Heinrich says he will give Betty one of the dresses as a thank you, looks at her, and says, “Your body will destroy the line.” That never stopped her from dressing badly before! Instead he gives her a halo of barbed wire.

Just because you’re from Mexico does not make you a Jesus!

One of the models flaps her wings way out and Hilda and Elena crack up and head for the bar. Amen. Mizrahi almost gets hit with the wings and says, “I am this close to throwing a tantrum.” At the bar, Hilda and Elena voice their love for spandex saying you can dress it up or down (no, you cannot), and then tell each other they cannot live without stirrup pants. Security! Escort these people out! Well, at least they worked out their friendship.

Bonding over bad fashion and good champagne!

Betty is watching the show and she says, “I think I finally get it. Fashion is art.” Security! And? I did have yak for lunch because here it comes!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL!

Then Christina goes into labor. If you remember, I told you I ABSOLUTELY HATE LABOR SCENES. HATE HATE HATE. Lamaze breathing, screaming, crying, sweating, cursing out the father…whatever. Since they can’t get Christina out the back way because the fire doors are blocked, they take her out on the runway. She drops to the ground ready to have the baby, they ask the models to come around her and hide her with their wings, Willie gets onstage to help with the birth AS IF, Elena runs up to help, then we hear the baby cry (and that better be the last freakin’ time we see that kid, Murphy Brown) with Willie holding him up like Simba in The Lion King for no other reason than get back in the game. Ironic, since babies normally ruin careers. Seriously, that kid is slippery with placenta, please put him down and wash your hands.

The second coming…of Wilhelmina Slater’s career!

Sports Guy was there at the show and is all excited about the live birth. I’m sure the cleaning staff is too! He calls Betty amazing. Outside of that, he’s really grown on me. He tells her he really didn’t want to learn about fashion, he was more interested in learning about her. I knew it! Wait for it…

YAK!

When did ugly become the new hot? Oh, then Betty watches him walk away, looks at his ASS, then back up to his head. Betty!

Dork! With Patrick Dempsey’s hair! Call me!

After everything is cleaned up, Daniel tells Betty she did a nice job on the show. “You have this way of connecting with people,” he says. I’ll say. And it pisses me off royally. He tells her she’d make a great fashion editor. I beg to differ. But then he says, “Of course, we’ll have to talk about all the colors and patterns.” NOW he notices? Where has he been this season?

Wow, Mop-N-Glow really works on everything…
and I mean EVERYTHING.

Next episode? Betty embezzles. Finally she can head back to Mexico!