Ugly Betty: Fantasy Island of Manhattan DOES NOT Include Jesse!

Dear Crabby: What would almost single-handedly ruin an Ugly Betty episode?

Dear Couch: The return of Jesse! No wonder they were considering canceling the show!

Betty’s dandruff is really getting out of hand.

We begin this Ugly Betty with Betty moving some boxes back home and as she kicks the door closed she falls, revealing that she is moving nothing but styrofoam packing peanuts back into the house. Well, they are probably more flavorful than the rice cakes Papi has to eat now. Instead of helping Betty up, Betty’s family introduces her to Papi’s new nurse, Elena, and I have to say, olé! Good one, Papi. Although wouldn’t it have been more hilarious if his nurse had been a Javier instead?

How did she not get robbed on the subway?

Turns out Betty has brought home two huge boxes…on the subway. Are you kidding me with this? As if. Also, I just don’t get why people stretch out moves like this. Get a U-Haul and haul it all in one painful swoop. But I’m not one for long goodbyes, so there you go. Betty says she can’t completely move out until she finds someone to sublet, but I’m pretty sure she can since she’s not moving into a place where they are going to charge her rent. Just move already! Oy!

You only need to keep Papi on ice if he’s dead.

Betty heads back to the city to interview potential renters, and Papi pulls Elena aside. He tells her the real reason she’s here it to calm the kids down, not because he really needs help. He sits down in his chair, surrounded by bottles of pills and oxygen, and says he rarely needs this stuff. Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to be taking those pills, Papi, they are what keep your heart PUMPING. “This will be the easiest job you’ve ever had,” he says. Well, she’ll be right on par with Hilda who is just as useful!

In the city, Daniel and Molly just bought some cocoa, and Daniel throws his loose change into the trash. What?!?! Hasn’t he read a paper or seen the news lately? The sky is falling because there’s no more money left in the world! Molly’s like, what the hell, my school is serving kids mulk at lunch because they cannot afford milk but please, literally throw away money. Daniel says he hates pennies. I hate pennies from heaven. Molly asks if he also hates nickels, “you rich jerk.” Why not at least litter so someone might find the money on the ground? I’d expect this from Trump, not Daniel. What a rich jerk!

Time to break up!

They sit down on a bench and Daniel tells her that Connor has started seeing Wilhelmina, but Connor doesn’t know that he knows about them. Molly looks a little stunned but come on, have you seen Willie’s bosom? It’s awe-inspiring! So Molly thinks they ought to tell Connor about their romance. Daniel wants to tell him and Molly suggests doing it soon before he finds out some other way. Like in the paper?

Cut to Connor staring at the ripped-out photo of Molly from last week, where her hand-holdee was cut out of the picture. Connor, let it go, you have Willie and she’s never covered in paste or kid boogers. Have a can of Foster’s and calm the hell down. Willie walks in and Connor shoves the clipping into his pants, that’s what she said.

Willie announces she got them into their favorite restaurant but then says he seems a bit distracted. “The only thing distracting me is you,” he lies, kissing her, then saying, “and that budget report meeting I have first thing.” Wow, I bet Willie feels awesome that their passionate kiss made him think of finance. Hott! Connor gets up to leave. Nobody leaves Willie in the corner, not even of her silk-covered sofa! He says he’ll see her tomorrow so-long see-ya buh-bye.

I wish your bosom had my report written on it.

Over at Betty’s apartment, she and Amanda are interviewing potential renters to take Betty’s place. The first one downs a ton of guac in one bite, so it will be like Betty is still there. Amanda says the girl can move in and she’ll be borrowing her outfit tomorrow. Ick. However Betty notices this girl has lived in 5 places in two years…and Betty is looking for stable. Next girl? Likes to walk around naked but since Betty owns the furniture, she’s “not really down with that.” Amen, sister. By the end of the night, Betty’s pickiness has left them with nothing but Halston eating off the cookie plate. Oh, sure, but no naked butts on the furniture.

She’s even boring herself with her fantasy.

Betty laments that she’s going to miss her apartment because she had this fantasy about living in the city, falling in love in the city, and sex in the city. Wait! I think someone has already taken care of that, and those girls were actually much more interesting, less whiney, and had better shoes. Move back to Queens, it’s been done!

Suddenly, guitar of doom starts playing. Oh you have got to be shitting me! I thought we were done with this tweener. It’s Jesse, playing guitar in the hallway. Dude, why must everyone suffer from your hip melancholy? “I bet you’d like to smash that guitar over his bedhead,” Amanda says. She and I would make great roommates!

“No,” Betty moans, “I don’t hate him.” How did she grow up in New York without a spine? Then Betty says it wasn’t like he really knew that she liked him or that she threw that party for him, blah, blah, blah. She’d be the perfect girlfriend to abuse, wouldn’t she? I mean, the way people treat her is always her fault, never theirs. Papi did not do a good job raising a confident hija, that is for damn sure. It would be nice to just once, see Betty stand up for herself for real!

Douchey McDoucherson, right here.

Betty decides to go talk to Jesse “for closure.” For what? You didn’t have anything going with him. Turns out he’s playing in the hallway because he just repainted his kitchen after a grease fire. Hope he cleaned off the grease, at least.

Betty tells him she’s moving out and he’s all like, “Wha – whyyyy.” Oh shut the hell up. She tells him her dad had a heart attack and she needs to move home so she can offer nothing to the family and have a longer commute. She thinks they should “talk” because she’s living in high school and he says he wants to have a farewell “drink.” Meeting of the minds, if there were any actually present.

Back at Betty’s apartment, they’ve finished too much wine and he’s telling her about taking ballet classes. Betty wants to talk about the night of the party, and she says it was kind of awkward. Jesse’s all, “We must share a brain because I have a song called ‘Awkward Night.’” Oh Lord, why is this necessary. Please, please, please let Gio show up right now and beat this guy’s ass down! He could totally Sweeney Todd him via the deli and no one would be the wiser!

He pulls out his guitar and begins to play his song and Betty begins to swoon. She is so easy when it comes to sensitive new age ponytail guys, sans ponytail. Then we hear him sing “Hello, it’s me…” except his lips aren’t moving. Turns out he’s his own ring tone. Let’s cover that again. HIM SINGING IS HIS OWN RING TONE. Are we sure he painted his kitchen, because I’m starting to think his whole apartment is lined with those squiggly mirrors from IKEA. He doesn’t answer the phone because it’s someone he’s avoiding. Like reality?

But it’s late and he has to go. They stand up together and are woozy from the Boone’s they just slammed down. Then he touches her hair and they kiss and I scream “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” so loudly the birds outside stop chirping.

He tastes like Summer’s Eve!

The next morning, Betty is awakened by Halston licking her face, and my guess is she first thought it was Jesse. She tells Amanda that she and Jesse kissed but then he left. “Why?” Amanda asks. “Was it your breath again?” Chimichanga is the worst breath mint flavor ever. Betty said she was all confused and Amanda suggests getting a male point of view. Unfortunately when they get to work, they can only get Marc.

Betty explains the kiss situation and Marc doesn’t believe it happened because it involved Betty not eating anything. Amanda suggests re-creating the scene and I get a little worried about who might be involved with this scenario. Marc sits on Amanda’s lap and they make fun of what Betty and Jesse said (although was it me? It really wasn’t that far off from what really happened, was it?). Then Marc and Amanda start fake making out and it turns into real making out and suddenly I wonder if I switched over to Grey’s Anatomy. Betty clears her throat and they stand up.

“If Jesse was able to get past all of…” and he motions to all of Betty from head to toe, “…this, then there might be something between you.” Yeah, Jesse’s ego, and that is one big canyon. Amanda agrees. “Or he could have been drunk off his ass,” Marc says. Amanda agrees. I think Jesse just likes being adored. Agreed?

Over at El Hospital Suarez, it’s 9am and time for Papi’s walk. Hope the nurse uses a leash and calls him her “Little Chihuahua.” “It’s 30 degrees outside,” Papi says. Nurse Ratchet says it’s not up for discussion and I’m pretty sure she means it. Papi calls for Hilda thinking she’ll get him out of it, but instead Hilda says they will all go, then calls for Justin who clearly is cutting school since it does seem to be a weekday, it’s 9am, and I’m guessing this is America.

Uh, the walk in the cold can only help my nips!

Betty is making the huge mistake of telling her boss about her personal life. “Wow, so Jesse kissed you,” Daniel says, feigning interest in this as much as I am. Luckily, he tells her what I cannot, if for no other reason than Betty can’t hear me through the glass in the TV. It was a drunken kiss and nothing more. “Guys are dogs,” he says. Well, some more than others. “Cold night, warm girl…” Ouch. He suggests flat-out asking Jesse what it meant. Yes, because guys love that.

Daniel opens a box that was sent to him and I’m hoping it has poo in it (flaming would be better), but instead it has a horrible baby blue shirt with “Rich Jerk” printed on it. Because Molly found enough change in the garbage to go get that screen printed in less than 24 hours. Daniel wants to send Molly flowers, but not too nice…he doesn’t want her to think he’s a rich jerk despite the fact that not only is now in print on the shirt, but he throws money in the garbage and is a rich jerk. Daniel says he just has to figure out the right time to tell Connor…who is suddenly in his doorway asking if he wants to go out after work. That was random. Wonder if he thought of that during his morning budget report meeting?

I thought this was a fashion magazine?

Willie sees Connor in the hallway and asks if he wants to “order in” tonight, which is code for “bounce me on the Serta,” but Connor has made plans with Daniel. What red-blooded Australian would give up Willie hootie for Daniel? It would be totally awesome if this situation turned Connor gay and he started dating Marc. They would make an amazing couple! Now that’s telenovela thinking for you!

“Marc,” Willie says. “Was I just…dissed?” And how, sister. Marc tells her no…no….”Yes.” Willie says that something has changed and she feels Connor is slipping away. Slip-sliding away. She tells Marc to cancel whatever parade he is going to (Groundhog’s Day parade?) and tells him to find out what in the bloody hell is going on!

Connor and Daniel are at the gym in the boxing ring, and Daniel is complaining that he thought they were going out for a beer. Connor is punching the pads on Daniel’s hands, and now I’m starting to think these two would make a great couple. Daniel wants to talk, but not here. Connor admits that he’s been distracted lately, he’s sorry…but it’s Molly. He pulls out the clipping and shows it to Daniel. Daniel plays dumb (not a stretch) and Connor is all up in arms that Molly was in St. Barts “with a man.” Daniel isn’t sure and Connor admits the fingers are feminine (ha! and after about a week or two, could you really see that in newsprint?), but it’s a man alright.

That’s right! Pretend that mitt is Jesse!

Daniel should have just fessed up, but no, let’s let this one ride throughout the episode. Connor is all pissy that she’s already hooked up with another man. Like you’ve hooked up with another woman? He thinks Molly may have been seeing someone before they broke up. Daniel says they should go have a drink and Connor agrees, saying he has to stop somewhere first. I hope it’s a construction site and that Daniel will be part of a concrete pylon soon, that would be awesome! Then Connor could hook up with Claire!

I wouldn’t open the door, either. Looks like she could
use some of Daniel’s throw-away money.

Betty stops by Jesse’s apartment to talk, although how he’ll be able to concentrate what with her dressed like a bag lady with a bunny tail on her head is beyond me. She knocks at his door all excited but he doesn’t answer. She takes out her phone and calls him…she hears the phone “sing” in his apartment and it goes to voicemail. She tells Amanda that Jesse is avoiding her. Or, maybe he was in the bathroom and couldn’t get to the door or phone in the 10 seconds you gave him. No, he’s avoiding you.

While she and Amanda are talking nonsense, Betty remembers she was supposed to send Molly flowers but she completely forgot. Oh, just do it tomorrow, it’s New York, I’m sure they can messenger some over to the kindergarten. She decides to take them to Molly’s herself. I’m sensing mayhem ensuing!

I didn’t know Connor used the Batmobile!

But, in front of Molly’s building are Connor and Daniel in a car, trying to figure out who Molly is seeing. Okay, this went from telenovela to Hannah Montana in like no time. Connor, you are banging Wilhelmina Slater! Forget thoroughly boring Molly! Daniel should just fess up and run. Instead, he offers to set Connor up with some nice women he knows, “unless you are seeing someone.” Connor fesses up that he’s seeing Wilhelmina. Now, if Daniel had any sense on how to get out of this, he would be outraged, throw a fit, and storm away, diverting Connor’s attention. Not that I’ve ever done that in my life.

Instead, Daniel says that’s great, he’s glad he’s moving on. “But what does Wilhelmina think about all this?” he asks. Connor’s like, “She doesn’t know, I’m not an idiot.”

“What an idiot,” Wilhelmina says from behind binoculars. She’s spying on the spy-ers! It’s like I-Spy only with less frightening caricatures. She just can’t figure out who they are waiting for…who? Who?

Good one, Nancy Drew! Or is Marc the real Nancy?

And suddenly bag-lady-rabbit-headed Betty is on the scene with flowers, leaving a message for Jesse telling him he knows he’s screening her calls, but she doesn’t care, blah, blah, blah, she’s leaving a message like a crazy stalker bitch and it’s really embarrassing. The next time she’s out accessory shopping, she should pick up a pair of balls. Someone in New York must have them, just not anyone on the Mode staff except Wilhelmina, and I doubt she loans them out.

“What’s black and white and brown all under?” Marc asks, seeing Betty. Willie is like WTF? Why is Betty here too? Secret Mode meeting?

Back in the car of testosterone, Daniel says he’s getting tired. Or he could just say he’s an adult and doesn’t want to spy on the quarterback’s cheerleader ex-girlfriend. Connor offers to get him some coffee and Daniel says no, then looks in the mirror and sees black and white and brown all under walking towards them with flowers in her hands. At least her outfits offer quick recognition to the enemy during covert operations, I guess.

Ironically, this object is larger than it appears.

>

Daniel tells Connor he would like that coffee and Connor takes off up the street for some java. Maybe he should order a slice of “get a life,” too. Daniel goes flying over to Betty and tells her to get the hell out of here before they are all busted for breaking curfew. He tells her that they are stalking Molly so she really needs to leave. He shoves her down the street and tries to hide the flowers (should have sent them with Betty), but Connor has returned without coffee because all the coffee stands are closed. Are you freakin’ kidding me? Nothing closes in New York! NOTHING.

Connor, would you be my love monkey tonight?

Seeing the flowers in Daniel’s hands, Connor freaks out. Daniel says he got them off the delivery boy who is now nowhere to be found. Connor doesn’t care – he rips open the card and it says, “To Mollly from RJ.” Oh barf. Daniel is completely relieved and Connor wants to know who RJ is. “What kind of a jerk sends crappy carnations?” he asks. Man, I hate it when carnations get a bad rap. They are so fluffy and ruffly. Maybe I’ll grow some this summer just to spite all the haters!

It’s probably RJ Reynolds. Don’t worry, he’ll just give her cancer.

“Connor, you’re with Wilhelmina now, right? And you’re happy?” Daniel says. “How would this make her feel if she knew what you were doing?” Good point. “Why are you risking your future on your past?” Daniel-San says. When did he get smart? Connor agres and they leave. Wilhelmina is completely confused until she and Marc take off, and she spots Molly walking down the street. She says now it all makes perfect sense.

At Mode the next day, Daniel is trying to explain to Betty why they were staking out Molly. Do they not have a magazine to put out this month or has Mode gone bi-monthly? Then Betty goes into this whole tirade about Jesse avoiding her and how hard it’s going to be to leave her apartment with this “unfinished business.” Oh please, it’s been finished and everyone knows it except you. Then Daniel asks her if maybe deep down she really doesn’t want to leave her place.

“You can’t leave when Jesse kisses you, you can’t leave when he ignores you…maybe moving back to Queens is harder than you’re admitting?” Or maybe admitting Jesse’s a total no-talent hack douchebag is harder than you thought? Betty goes into the whole stupid fantasy story again about being Carrie Bradshaw and Jesse would be Big (although clearly I’m thinking he’s Mr. Smaller-than-you’d-think). It’s really rather tiresome considering Gio is probably still hanging around somewhere, with huge salamis hanging around all over the deli. And no, I’m not angry that Ugly Betty is getting more action than I am right now.

Betty, only your fantasies could be boring!

Connor stops by to see Wilhelmina. “I know you’re still hung up on Molly, don’t bother denying it,” she says. I like a person who gets right to the point; Betty could take some lessons. He tells her that he found out she was seeing someone and it bothered him, but it’s over. Willie ain’t buying it. She says he’s too much like her. “You don’t like to lose,” she tells him. “I want you. All of you or nothing. Wilhelmina Slater does not play second fiddle to anyone.” AMEN, SISTER, can I get a “Testify!” Seriously, I wish Betty watched this show so she knows how it’s done. “And, she doesn’t beg….FOR anyone.” She should have added “So there!” Connor leaves.

What man could walk away from these gozongas?

Back at Death House Suarez, Papi is using some butter in a frying pan to make some eggs. Not in front of the nurse, Papi! Make the eggs earlier so she doesn’t see it. Seriously, no wonder so many heart attack patients get pissed about this stuff, it’s all no-no-no. Why not show Papi how he can still enjoy his foods by tweaking the recipes a bit? To have someone come in your house and boss you around…and you have to pay for it. No thanks. She hands him cooking spray and egg whites. Fun.

Ahh, the sweet sizzle of death.

Papi says if he wants to make himself a meal, he’s going to damn well do it. Unless Elena stands in his way. Which she does, so he stomps out like a 2 year old throwing a fit. Was he on Toddlers & Tiaras the other night?

In Daniel’s office, he’s working hard looking through his vacation photos when Connor stops by to see him. He thanks Daniel for “talking me down off the ledge last night.” Daniel suggests getting that beer they never got yesterday, and Connor wants to hit the gym first. Or Daniel, I’m guessing.

OH BLEH, Betty tracks Jesse down to some loser coffee house where they clearly are paying him in tips. When she walks in the hostess is all Jesse-dreamy-like and Betty tells her he’s a gutless pathetic weasel. Right sentiment, wrong person. She storms over to Jesse and interrupting him says, “We need to talk.” I’m sure the patrons were relieved to get some peace and quiet from his soul-patch sound.

I bet the guy with the mohawk and his girlfriend are planning to
kill Jesse and eat his flesh. And I would totally be their alibi.

“I’m a tool,” he says, which is ironic because that is exactly what I was going to write. Get out of my head, Jesse! He said he was sorry he was avoiding her then gets her to tell him he’s not horrible or terrible. He says everything got confusing when they kissed. Toolshed, it more like it. He asks if she wants to go out. These passive-aggressivos are actually perfect for each other. Hope they have hairy children which you know they totally would. He wants to have dinner with her that night at the cafe. He starts to sing to her, “It’ll be fun, it’ll be great, come out with me, on a date.” OH MY GOD. She agrees. And is excited! Oy.

Amanda and Marc are at the apartment while Betty is getting ready for her date. “I’m ready for my date,” she says. “How can you tell?” Marc asks. “You can’t tell?” No, you know why? You are going out to a cafe with what you think is a hip singer/songwriter while wearing a Chanel knock-off. You look like Jesse’s grandmother, so no, we can’t tell you are ready for a hot date.

What do you mean I won’t get laid
in this outfit, except in state?

Over at Papi’s House of Hell, Nurse Ratchet says goodbye but Papi continues to give her the silent treatment. He says talking to her raises his blood pressure and he doesn’t want her to cause him to have another heart attack. Oh, no, here it comes, the nurse loses it. “Did you say I’m going to cause your heart attack? Not your terrible diet, your sedentary lifestyle, me?”

You think your kids enjoy walking through
fat-free nachos, uphill, both ways? HELL NO!

She tells him that he may have set the rules there for the last 20 years, but what is really going to help his family is if he’s not dead. Ouch! She tells him it’s not about the diet or exercise, it’s about the people who love him. “You think they like going for walks in 30 degree weather? Think they like fat-free nacho night?” she asks. Come on, NO ONE LIKES FAT-FREE NIGHT! “They don’t! They do it for you!” She asks him what happens next time if he’s not so lucky. What about his family then?

At the cafe, Betty tells Jesse it’s a cute place. He tells her she has to try the meatloaf. Yes, because all sexy dates start with something you don’t even want to eat at home. Betty agrees because she has no mind of her own. “How was your week,” she asks, under the impression this is actually a date.

Maybe you’ll be more interesting if I continue to drink.

“One of the worst ever,” he says. Good, I can’t wait to hear your sob story, asswipe. “I wrote a song and realized I basically ripped off ‘Closing Time,’ ” he says. “Then my drummer announces at practice that he’s going to move to Prague. And now we have to change the band name…” oh, yes, this truly was the worst weeks ever in the history of the world, what with war, famine, and the complete collapse of the free and not-so-free world. Truly, your band name change is right up there with death and destruction, you total and complete jerkwad. Ahem. Then Betty tries to tell him something and he cuts her off with another boring story. Luckily…

…we cut away to Daniel about to get his ass handed to him. In the boxing ring, Connor asks Daniel where he went on vacation. He knows, Daniel! Get out of the ring and run like the wind! HE KNOWS! Daniel lies and says Anguilla. LIAR!

Ouch, that’s going to leave a mark.

Connor asks if he’s been dating anyone lately…no….then Daniel takes off his headgear and Connor punches him. “Sorry about that, RJ,” he says, and we see a flashback of Connor in Daniel’s office eyeing the “Rich Jerk” t-shirt. I knew that thing was bad news when he opened it, and not just from a fashion standpoint, either. “You were my friend, and you lied to my face,” he says. As opposed to lying to your feet? Which are still huge, by the way.

Back at Cafe of Complete Boredom, Jesse is going on and on and on about himself, then says, “I wrote a song about it,” oh my God, not everything needs a song about it, does it? Why must the world suffer with your boring life, Jesse? Why? And where is Gio? GIO! I’m going to write something for you. It’s called a hate haiku. And don’t bother counting the syllables, I already did like fifty times:

Gio where are you?

Pound Jesse into yummy

Salami sausage

Betty looks at him and sees him in a new light…Jesse singing a song about himself with his name above his head and a bunch of Jesse heads floating all around. It’s pretty hilarious, mostly because it’s true!

So many faces to punch, so little time.

Betty finally sees him as the arrogant self-centered jerk that he is. “You’re really good for me, Betty,” he says. “You make me feel better.”

“Yes,” Betty says, “that’s probably what this was all about, making yourself feel better,” she says. Burn! Unfortunately, she lets him off the hook too easily by saying she used him too. Hope she goes into the fantasy story again, that sure as hell isn’t getting old. “For some fantasy I had,” OH SHUT UP ALREADY! She thanks him for drinks and dinner and leaves him in her dust. Well, fine. I was hoping for something bigger and more dramatic, like meatloaf down his pants, but no such luck.

Christ, your fantasy is more boring than I am!

The next morning Betty offers Daniel more ice for his face. Just put a paper bag over it, much easier. Betty has decided to move back to Queens that day and she’s okay with giving up her fantasy for awhile. Let us never speak of it again.

Please, stop with the fantasy already!
Is that Boba Fett’s head behind Daniel? Somebody should warn Han!

Connor walks into Daniel’s office, and in that way that women will never understand or act, he tells Daniel, “I said everything I needed to in the ring. We’re good.” And you know what? Unlike women, they will be. That’s how guys handle it: Fight it out, enjoy a pint together. Women? Well, we likes our catfights, that’s for sure. It’s never over. Never. Maybe if didn’t have to deal with underwires we’d be nicer.

More importantly, over in Willie’s office, Connor walks in and says she was right, he hates to lose. The thought of Molly with another man makes him crazy. “But the thought of losing you is unbearable,” he says. Nice save! “I’m all yours…if you’ll still have me. Do you want me to beg? Because I will beg.” She says after dinner he can beg. Good thinking, get some nourishment for the long night ahead.

Is he on his knees because of that huge piece of kryptonite
around Willie’s neck? Does Batman know he borrowed the Batmobile?

In Casa Suarez, Nurse shows up and Papi is making breakfast. He greets her saying, “Omelet? No butter, no salt, no yokes.” No taste, either, huh Papi? He tells her, “Thank you for being so honest with me.” He says they should take a walk after breakfast, too. Methinks a love connection is being made.

Back at Betty’s she’s getting ready to move. What about the roommate thing? She found the perfect roommate for Amanda and I totally saw this coming: It’s Marc! “Ta-daaaa!” she says as she opens the door. “I let you do that once, from now on I orchestrate my own entrance,” Marc says. I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I have a feeling the three of them will be living together in the next season or so…here’s hoping Three’s Company comes to Manhattan!

The decorating is more hideous than I remember!

Betty make one sad turn around Manhattan before leaving, because clearly the city won’t be there tomorrow. Buh-bye, fantasy. She gets home and is hugged by her entire family. At least the tub isn’t in the middle of the kitchen, right?

The fantasy is over! Thank you Jesus, Allah, and Buddha!

Also, good news – looks like Ugly Betty is close to being renewed for the fourth season. CRISIS AVERTED…for now. ABC execs either got my angry email or were involved in a telenovela of their own. Either way, we’re glad they are close to a happy ending that’s what she said. Next week? Sex, lies, and videotape on Ugly Betty. I’m guessing Ignacio is getting more exercise….ahem! See you then, kids!