Recap: Ugly Betty: Who’s Coming Out?

Ugly Betty has been getting a lot of buzz for bringing the lives of an everyday Hispanic family into homes all over America. Well, now let it be known for bringing a post-op transsexual into our living rooms as well. And, luckily for us, the transsexual is hottie Rebecca Romijn, as “It’s Alexis now” Meade. Take that, Felicity Huffman, with your “Transamerica”.

And you know what I think of when I think of transsexual supermodels. Well, Fashion Week, of course! Yup, this week on Ugly Betty, is Fashion Week! YAY!
We quickly learn that Fashion Week means a visit to Busy City for Betty. She doesn’t even have time to eat breakfast. Daniel is in charge of Mode’s fashion show, and Betty is taking phone calls at the kitchen table while the jobless Hilda mopes and watches telenovelas. To me, sitting around, eating and watching television is a perfect day. I hate to have my Judge Judy and Pirate’s Booty ritual interrupted by pesky things like work. But Hilda apparently really wants a job, and even asks Betty is there’s anything available at Mode. Betty quickly says that there isn’t.

Meanwhile, Bradford calls Daniel into his office. Daniel thinks he’s going to get another lecture, but Bradford surprises him. Bradford announces that he’s proud of the way that Daniel has been doing things, and after the fashion show, he plans to announce that Daniel will officially be the heir to Meade Publications. Great news for Daniel, but a strange timing…. Has Bradford forgotten that Daniel recently squandered his entire inheritance? Or the Sofia fiasco and the resulting bad publicity? Or the fact that Daniel had a melt-down and disappeared for weeks? Or perhaps is this the behavior that Bradford is proud of? The rich are different from us, or so I’ve seen on “The Real Housewives of Orange County”. Nary a Judge Judy watcher or Pirate’s Booty eater in all of Orange County, so I really can’t relate.

At Mode, Amanda interrupts Marc who is looking at IslandBoysCruise.com. We learn two important things here. 1) That Marc and Amanda share lip gloss, and 2) That every Fashion Week, Marc gives a store called Eternal 18 (which is not Forever 21, mind you) the insight into the hot Fashion Week item that Eternal 18 then knocks off for mass consumption in their stores. I was mostly interested in what color of lip gloss would look good on both Marc and Amanda (their coloring is so different!), but the show focused instead on the cash Marc gets by giving the tip. Oh, another important thing we learned: 3) last year’s item was the wide belt.

Just then, Donatella Versace bursts in to see Wil. Only it’s not actually Donatella, it’s Gina Gershon. And her name is Fabia, which honestly reminds me of Fabio in all the most Fabulous ways. Fabia becomes very upset when she learns that she and Wil were going to be wearing the same outfit to the Mode show. This is especially troubling for Fabia, who had a matching outfit made for her dog.

But Fabia agrees to let Wil wear the outfit. When Wil notices how good Fabia’s skin looks, Fabia sends her to Dr. Wong in Chinatown. She explains that he injects her with… well, there’s no way to put it delicately, so let’s let Fabia explain (read this in an Italian accent): “It’s duck sauce… sauce from a man duck, make a baby duck.” Um, right. My mom reads this, so there are no appropriate jokes I can make here, so we’ll just skip to — As soon as Fabia leaves, Wil has Marc make an appointment with Dr. Wong.

Meanwhile, we have (insert trumpets!) Cute Henry talking to Betty! Remember Henry? We haven’t seen him in a while, so let’s try and remember who he is: Dorky. Cute. Accountant. Hearts Betty. Yup, still all those things!

And just when I’m excited for some dorky, adorable flirting… Hilda bursts into the Mode offices. Inspired by Oprah and Dr. Phil, Hilda is there to change her life. And make free copies of her resume on Mode’s copiers. Which goes to show that maybe I should rethink my daytime TV viewing habits. Judge Judy has never taught me more than that I shouldn’t have a joint bank account with my lying, drug-addicted roommate (not that I have a lying, drug-addicted roommate, but if I did, I know not to open a join bank account with her).

But here’s where the good stuff happens: Henry introduces himself to Hilda and reminds her that they’ve spoken on the phone. When Betty asks when, Hilda quickly pulls her away. Finally, things are moving forward! Last week, Betty was reassured by Daniel and Henry and Erin weren’t an item. This week, she learns that he called her. I cannot stop my fantasy of a completely Walter-free show!

As if this wasn’t enough excitement, Daniel’s friend Becks shows up for Fashion Week. Or, as he likes to call it, the Booty-lympics. (Note to Microsoft: I think the world would be a better place if spell check recognized words like Booty-lympics) But it’s a sad day for Becks, as Daniel explains that he’s now a responsible adult who has to run the company and focus on his job. Looks like Daniel is getting a gold in Lame-lympics.

As if Betty wasn’t stressed enough, Daniel then tells Hilda she can have a job helping out at Mode’s fashion show. Hilda is excited. But Betty is not. She goes to the Closet and complains to Christina that Hilda never listens to her and always steals her thunder. But Christina has other things on her mind – like making her clothes perfect for her big break in Mode’s fashion show. Love ya, Betty, but way to be self-absorbed! This is Christina’s big day — give her a break with the boo hooing and let her get the clothes together!

Meanwhile, back in Queens, Ignacio is meeting with Constance, his immigration lawyer. He realizes that she is asking him to fill out forms that he’s already fill out. He learns he hasn’t turned his paperwork in. To Ignacio, this is a sign that something is wrong. To the rest of us, it’s just proof that Constance does, indeed, work for the government. But then we find out the truth – Constance is upset because her boyfriend, Toussaint, dumped her. Ignacio tries to comfort her, and she wonders why all men can’t be like Ignacio. I’m assuming she means that most straight men don’t make cupcakes.

Meanwhile, Wil has paid a visit to Dr. Wong. She wakes up and looks in the mirror and screams. I feel that way a lot, but I have also never looked remotely like Vanessa Williams.

Betty is in full gear, ready for the fashion show, wearing an oversized Mode T-shirt. She’s annoyed when Hilda shows up in a sexified, cut-up version of the T-shirt. Note to Justin Timberlake: Don’t try to bring sexy back around Betty. But, despite the T-shirt fiasco, it’s time to head off to the show, with Justin in tow

At the show, Daniel is giving interviews as everyone gets ready for Mode’s Ten Designers to Watch fashion show. Becks wants to place a bet on which one of them can score with the hottest girl there. At first, Daniel pretends not to be interested. But, come on, he’s still Daniel. So when Alexis makes a grand entrance in a red dress, Daniel agrees to the bet. Alexis is so hot, you can’t even blame Daniel for making goo goo eyes at his sister. Or his brother. Or whatever. The point is, Alexis is really hot.

You know who’s not hot? Wil. Her eyes are swollen so badly that she can’t see, and her face is puffy and red.

Either ducks are very potent, or Dr. Wong played a nasty trick. Wil insists that Marc stay at her side at all times, acting as her “seeing eye gay”. Marc agrees, but then makes an emergency phone call to Amanda, asking for help finding the Eternal 18 It Item. Personally, I wouldn’t turn to the woman who wears micro-formal shorts to work on a regular basis to discover what America would want to wear. But desperate times, desperate measures.

Back in Queens, Ignacio is playing dominos. With Walter. So much for a Walter-free show. Sigh. I know you guys are with me on this one, so let’s all take a moment to close our eyes and think of Cute Henry. OK, that’s better.

Thankfully, this is interrupted by Constance’s arrival. She’s there to make gumbo for him to thank him for comforting her. She also calls him “Nacho”. Am I wrong, or does it seem culturally insensitive for the Immigration Worker to using racial stereotypes like “Nacho”? Although nachos are delicious…. Ignacio is afraid to say anything to her, because if he turns her down, she might have him deported. So Walter suggests that Ignacio help get Constance back together with her ex-boyfriend. I hate to say it, but this actually wasn’t bad advice. Let’s try to pretend that Ignacio came up with it himself, shall we?

Back at Fashion week, Fabia realizes that Wil visited Dr. Wong. Wil vows to get back at Fabia, and her little dog too. Ah, nothing more wonderful than a Wicked Witch reference! If there are any flying monkeys in this episode, it is going to rule! Betty finds Hilda giving some models advice on stuffing their bras. She explains that Hilda shouldn’t even be speaking to the models. Imagine her surprise when the models invite her to a party that night. Silly Betty, everyone wants tips on how to make their boobs look better!

Amanda calls Marc, and tells him that she has found the It Item. And it’s a faux rabbit-fur miniskirt. She wants Marc to find her immediately and help her steal if off of the model.

Um, really? Everyone in America will be wearing faux rabbit-fur miniskirts? Because I’m pretty sure the hot items that I’ll be wearing in 2007 are my sweatpants and T-shirts. There are no occasions in my life that call for a faux rabbit-fur miniskirt. Well, except for Sunday morning church, but everyone knows that.

And Cute Henry has found Betty. He shows her the cool new pop and locking moves he learned at the Sean Jean fashion show. He then makes some jokes about taxes. The only thing that would make Henry more nerdy: Star Trek jokes and discussions of the drawbacks of TurboTax. But of course, we love Henry for his nerdiness. And then we finally get to the really good stuff. Henry finally asks Betty why she didn’t call him back after the Christmas party. Of course, Henry’s phone call is news to Betty. And an angry Betty is quickly off to find Hilda.

And Marc is off to find Amanda, leaving a blind Wil to fend for herself. Luckily, Justin is there, and in a super cute scene, he helps identify people for Wil and tells her what they are wearing. He doesn’t even care that she keeps calling him Jason. He explains “You can call me whatever you want, I love you.” Aw, why do I want these two to have their own series?! I could watch that all day!

Meanwhile, Hilda has found her way backstage and is helping to style the models’ hair. Hilda likes doing it, and even wonders if she can make a career out of it. Personally, I don’t love the hairstyle Hilda’s come up with, but I know from watching America’s Next Top Model that supermodels can get away with different looks than the rest of us. A supermodel can wear a gigantic teased ‘fro and people say “How fashionable!” Yet if I tried the same style, I’d look like a pear with a ‘fro, which doesn’t seem fashionable at all.

Betty isn’t so worried about the hairstyle, though. She’s more upset that Hilda isn’t doing her job. Hilda and Betty get into a fight. This fight involves spraying hairspray at each other, which just seems sticky to me. But when a model lights a cigarette, the model’s hair catches on fire. And then Betty fires Hilda. I’m hoping this means that the ‘fro won’t be the It Hairstyle for 2007.

Meanwhile, Daniel is chatting with Alexis. When Betty interrupts, flustered with the details of the show, Daniel reassures her that she’s doing a great job. He says that he’s going to make sure that she gets the credit for everything she’s doing. Alexis is listening to all of this, and tells Daniel that he’s not the Daniel Meade that she thought he’d be. Alexis says that she has a confession to make… She used to date his brother. OK, so Alexis is doing this in babysteps.

Marc and Amanda are still trying to figure out how to get the skirt from the model. Amanda decides that Marc should seduce the model to get her out of the skirt and then steal it. This is a horrible plan for more than one reason. The first is obviously sending Marc to seduce any woman. The second is that it seems overly complex. Why don’t they just take a picture of the skirt and use that? I find it hard to believe that Eternal 18 needs the actual skirt before they can knock it off.

Then back to Daniel and Alexis: Alexis is fishing for information, asking if Daniel misses Alex. He says that they had a complicated relationship and that it’s a relief to be out from under his shadow. And this is when Alexis leans forward and whispers her secret in Daniel’s ear. I really would have liked to have heard exactly what Alexis said. It feels like a cheat for writers to use whispers, because now I have to imagine what was said (and I do not watch TV to improve my imagination): “Surprise! I’m your brother, and instead of a skiing accident, I had my penis removed!” I guess if you had two years, you could come up with something better than that, but my point is, I’d like to know exactly what was said. You know, just in case someone in the viewing audience needs to use the same speech in the future.

Daniel is shocked and jumps away. But when Alexis shows Daniel the tattoo on her leg, Daniel knows that it’s true. Alexis tries to explain that as Alex he always felt like he was in the wrong body. But Daniel points out that it was unfair to make everyone in the family think that he was dead. Seems like Daniel has a good point there, but there’s no time to discuss the boring morality of Alexis’s choice – after all, the fashion show is starting!

As people are being seated, Katharine McPhee passes Betty. Betty apparently had the McPheever, and gushes about how much she loved her on American Idol.

Katharine gives Betty a signed CD for Hilda. So that was Katharine’s Ugly Betty cameo… I give it a C. Sure, her voice is pretty when she sings, but I can’t help thinking that they could have replaced the real McPhee with a cardboard cutout of McPhee and had about the same acting performance.

Outside, Hilda runs into Daniel. Hilda is upset over Betty’s firing. Daniel is upset for obvious reasons. A bottle of liquor comes out. I am already afraid of where this is going…

Back in Queens, Toussaint knocks on Ignacio’s door. He thinks Ignacio called a cab, but immediately suspects something is up when he smells gumbo. When Ignacio explains the situation, he learns that Constance was Toussaint’s caseworker too. Toussaint has some advice: Date Constance until he gets his greencard. Not exactly what Ignacio wanted to hear. But at least he didn’t call Walter to second guess the advice.

Betty comes outside and sees Daniel and Hilda kissing. Oh my. That was exactly what I was afraid of.

Daniel goes inside to find Bradford while Betty and Hilda have it out on the patio. Betty tries to explain why she’s so upset – it took her ages to get people at Mode to even remember her name, but Hilda waltzes in and everyone loves her immediately. Hilda explains that while she might flirt and make jokes, Betty is the one with the great job and the great boss. Betty seems to finally realize how silly she was being, and reassures Hilda that there are plenty of things that she’s good at. She even complements Hilda’s ability to fix hair.

No time to dwell on sisterly love, however. Now it’s really time for the fashion show. We see some of Christina’s designs, and the last model is Alexis. Everyone claps and cheers for Christina. And then Wil introduces Bradford. Before he can get too far into his speech, Alexis takes the microphone, and reveals to everyone her true identity. Needless to say, jaws drop.

And, as if that wasn’t enough, cops come up to the stage and arrest Bradford for Fey’s murder. He’s hauled away and Alexis is left on stage, waving and posing.

What an episode! SO much happened. How do you think the showdown between Alexis and Daniel will play out? What will happen between Alexis and Wil, because I feel like there will also be a power struggle there? How will this all affect Betty? Will Hilda open a hair salon? Will Cute Henry and Betty finally get together?! We have so much to look forward to!!