V: Two Types of People in the World

Hey there Gasmii, well we are coming to the end of our first season of V, and what have we learned? We for starters, how much poop we are willing to put up with to see a CGI alien spaceship on the Manhattan skyline, but actually we have learned something much more important. We have learned that there are two types of people in the world. People who will go through their host’s medicine cabinet during a dinner party (and is there anything more awkward then finding prescription ointment in there and having to come back out and try to maintain eye contact with them through dessert?), and people who will blow up your hot tub of love and take your alien soldier babies with it. Anyway, enough jibber jabber, let’s get to the good stuff.

Our episode starts out in the woods where we hear these disgusting gobbling sounds. I’m confused, because they are the same noises I make at all you can eat ribs night, but there isn’t a bib in sight.

Actually it turns out that one of Anna’s soldier bebes is chowing down on a deer. He’s got that big long CGI mouth of teeth that Anna had when she ate his daddy, and suddenly he starts sniffing the air, and whips out the stinkeyes. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure somebody is about to get a reptilian butt kicking; the only question is who?

We cut over to this cabin, where Oblivia is having her lizard love child. She’s making contraction faces, and Renegade V Doc is going to get her a glass of water, because pretend labor is thirsty work. When Renegade V Doc gets to the door, the super soldier is waiting for her, and the awesome part is he looks exactly the guy with waxed eyebrows back in episode 5. Well, that’s because he is the same guy, but they still aren’t letting him talk. It’s like Fonzie on Happy Days, only completely different. So anyway, Son of Waxie Eyebrows snatches up Oblivia and exits stage right.

Wow, quick direct action that will drive the plot for the rest of the show. Naturally, we cut away from that to FBI Mom’s house, where she is making eggs, and pouring a big glass of juice for High School Musical Kid. Okay guys, help me out here. When FBI Mom was trying to make up with her kid for not letting him now that the man he thought was his father couldn’t pass a paternity test, she bought bagels. For just a regular Tuesday, he gets a hot breakfast?

Does it work that way in any other families? Because in mine unless it came out of a toaster we only got a hot A in the morning when Jesus was born or rose from the dead. Great, I’m going to be thinking about this for days.

Not that it matters, because High School Musical Kid reminds FBI Mom and us in the audience that he’s going to go live up on the mothership with the Vs. He also mentions that Anna has made a standing invite for them to have dinner with her and Space Alien Bait, and is just as surprised as we are when his mom jumps on this invite.

When we head over to Our Lady of Plot Points for the next scene we find out that the reason FBI Mom wants that dinner invite so she can get up to the mothership and blow up all of Anna’s soldier bebes. So much for Digiorno, and a spirited game of Pictionary.

Hobbs likes this idea and I’m not surprised. Hobbs is in favor of anything on this show that gets characters killed. I think the screenwriter is using this character as a sad desperate call for help to the outside world.

Soap Opera Priest gets a little concerned because he and FBI Mom are semi-crushing on each other, and we quickly work out that Hobbs will make a kick ass bomb, and Rocco DiSpaceLizard will create a diversion to get Anna out of the way, so FBI Mom can make with the hooie kablooie. It almost sounds too easy, and if they were going to try it against actual fascist space lizards it would be, but for this show, on the season finale they just might have a chance.

We cut up to he mothership and Rocco is taking a call on his space marble to go over the details of the plans. At first Rocco is a Debbie Downer, but once he hears that FBI Mom will be in Anna’s quarters with noodle kugel he gets on board with the plan.

This is right when ominous music starts playing and Rocco’s sidekick, Security Guard Guy shows up. Only for some reason he’s wearing one of those crappy doctor coats too.

Anyway, he tells Rocco DiSpaceLizard that Anna has a fresh set of guards searching everyone so they need to hide their space marble right now. Rocco looks like he’s passing a kidney stone at hearing this news, but he goes along with Used To Be Security Guy Now May Be Doctor Guy’s plan and hands over his marble.

We cut from that over to Morris Chestnut’s apartment where the gang shows up to see why he was a no show for the Team Good Guys meeting this morning. Moe C explains that Oblivia’s water broke last episode, so he is waiting for a call back to find out if he is a space daddy. Good luck with that Morris Chestnut.

Seeing as everyone is over at his pad, Morris Chestnut wants to know what all the hub bub is about, and gets filled in on Operation Never Get Invited Back To Anna’s Ever Again. Morris Chestnut wants to drop everything and go with FBI Mom, but everyone thinks he should wait to hear about Oblivia and the baby. Trust me guys, he has the time to get in on this.

Morris Chestnut does point out that even if they can distract Anna there is no way they get past Creepy Gopher Guy. Hobbs pipes up and says he has a way to get Creepy Gopher Guy off the ship. A way that certainly doesn’t involve him selling out the rest of Team Good Guys for a clean slate, and gobs and gobs of money. He then looks super guilty, and we cut to a new scene.

Up on the mothership, Anna is hanging out with her soldier bebe eggs in her hot tub of love room. Creepy Gopher guy comes in to goose the plot along by letting Anna know that the V invasion fleet is in position over Earth, and to ask about FBI Mom and High School Musical Kid coming to dinner. Anna tells him they need to keep the invasion fleet cloaked until the “next stage,” and then she gets in some quality gloating that having FBI Mom to dinner will turn her into a kick ass Fifth Column Hunter as the head of that FBI task force. Okay, she’s a little delusional this morning, but even I have to admit this morning gloating has helped her lose all that baby weight from those 2,000 eggs she hatched.

Just 20 minutes of gloating in the morning and 10 minutes at night is all it takes

Down at the Team Good Guy command post, translation, Hobbs basement, we find out their foolproof plan has hit a snag. It turns out they can’t raise anyone on their space marble. This is terrible news, because there is nothing worse then shouting into your space marble and having it just sit there. Why it’s slightly worse then talking into a glowing marble and getting an answer from it.

Some times I do screen grabs just because the person looks goofy in them. This is one of those times

Soap Opera Priest very quickly tells FBI Mom that she can’t go to dinner unless they can get the rest of their plan with Doctor Rocco being worked out. That actually makes sense. Then again, if FBI Mom doesn’t go up on the mothership, we will have a season finale that consists of a movie night at FBI Mom’s house where Hobbs gets surprisingly sentimental during Crocodile Dundee 2.

Luckily for the plot, Soap Opera Priest has a plan to get in touch with Rocco DiSpaceLizard. Soap Opera Priest is going to write RDSL a letter and have Bailey 2.0 take it up on the ship.

Hobbs literally laughs in Soap Opera Priest’s face when he hears this, and FBI Mom points out that Bailey 2.0 is the one who told Anna about them planning to shoot down a V shuttle. They are both right, but Soap Opera Priest tells them not to worry because he’s got this problem covered.

Soap Opera Priest tells them he’s not going to tell Bailey who the letter is going to specifically, only that he is to deliver it to the medical bay on the mothership. Besides, Soap Opera Priest assures his pals that even if B20 gives Anna the note, there is no way Anna will know what he’s talking about. Yeah, I’m sure there is no way she won’t be able to puzzle out the meaning of “so are we still on to blow up that nursery tonight?

Still Soap Opera Priest does make the point that this is there only chance to make this thing work, so for the good of plot development, FBI Mom and Hobbs sign off on Operation Trust a Snitch.

Over at Casa de Morris Chestnut, Moe gets a phone call from Renegade V Doc, but instead of finding out if it’s a boy or a girl, Morris Chestnut finds out that Anna’s goons have Oblivia and their love baby. Morris snaps into action. Cool, this is the best written character on the show, so I’m sure we’ll get a well thought out plan.

We cut to Morris Chestnut showing up at the V Peace Center and announcing Anna has his baby. He then proceeds to mix it up with about six security goons, and not surprisingly, starts to get his butt kicked pretty handily by those security goons. By the way, if you were anywhere in the Western Hemisphere last Tuesday night, you could hear me slapping my head and swearing vociferously at my TV during this scene, and for that I apologize.

Once all their arms get tired, I’ll have them right where I want them

Anna is watching all this on her handy dandy CGI floating computer monitor with Creepy Gopher Guy. Creepy Gopher Guy thinks they should just disintegrate Morris Chestnut, but Anna has different plans. She wants to bring Moe C up to the ship so they can study him. She points out that Morris has fallen in love with a human and is able to resist her bliss. If Anna can just figure out how to get Morris Chestnut back on Team Lizard, they will be able to do it to anyone in the Fifth Column. Granted, this is kind of a goofy plan, but after the stunt Morris Chestnut just pulled, and Soap Opera Priest’s magic letter, it looks pretty ingenious.

We cut back to Our Lady of Plot Points, where Bailey 2.0 has shown up for a meeting with Soap Opera Priest. Soap Opera Priest tells Bailey 2.0 that he has a letter from somebody, who isn’t Soap Opera Priest, that needs to be delivered to somebody up on the mothership, who sure as hell isn’t Rocco DiSpaceLizard, and just for the record, Soap Opera Priest has no idea what’s in the letter, but it certainly isn’t about blowing up a bunch of alien eggs that will grow up to be bad ass space lizard soldiers. Wow, when Soap Opera Priest lays it out like that, it’s every bit as dumb as it sounded two minutes ago.

Bailey 2.0 thinks so too. Not only doesn’t he like that fact that in order for him to believe the balloon juice Soap Opera Priest is putting out, he would have to have the IQ of a turnip, but he also points out that ever since the Vs have shown up, they ‘ve been helping people almost non-stop. He also points out that the only thing the Fifth Column has done is to shoot down a shuttle full of humans. Well they also made sure nobody could get flu shots, but this doesn’t help Soap Opera Priest’s argument, so he let’s it lie.

Soap Opera Priest tells Bailey 2.0 that the shuttle was a set a set up, and that even the Vs don’t like Anna. Then he gets a super duper earnest look on his face and tells Bailey 2.0 that he has to believe him. This leads to Bailey 2.0 makes a super duper earnest face, and to me at home making a super annoyed face, and scene.

We cut back up to the mothership, where Rocco DiSpaceLizard catches up with Space Alien Bait in the hallways. Rocco DiSpaceLizard is like, “hey remember how I kept your mom from disintegrating you a couple of weeks ago? Well I need you to do me a solid and take this salt shaker so we can blow up your mom’s hot tub of love.”

Space Alien Bait doesn’t want to go along with this, because she loves her mom. Okay, love is a strong word, and fears works so much better here. Space Alien Bait says that Rocco is asking her to kill her own kind. Rocco DiSpaceLizard reminds her that Anna has a plan for the humans and for her hunk a hunk of tepid love, High School Musical Kid. Rocco tells her she needs to decide where she stands, and Space Alien Bait looks underneath her.

We cut to a shuttle pulling up to the mothership. It’s Morris Chestnut, and he is still getting into shoving matches with security guards. That is until Anna shows up. Anna tells him Oblivia is in pretty bad shape, which is why she had her kidnapped. Morris Chestnut has a passing relationship with reality and points out that Anna just wants to study Oblivia like a lab rat. Anna then comes back with how Morris Chestnut can fight with the Vs, or he can help them fight to keep Oblivia alive. Morris Chestnut makes an oh F me face, and we finally cut to the opening credits.

When we come back from the opening credits and those sweet, sweet commercials ( a chicken sandwich made only of fried chicken, cheese and bacon? How did we ever live without this?), we see Morris Chestnut going into the medical bay to talk with Oblivia.

Oblivia says they need to get the hell out of there, and we all get to deal with the fact they she has suddenly been promoted to the voice of reason on the show. Morris Chestnut tells his sweet baboo that her pregnancy is super complicated, so they need the Vs’s technology. This is followed up by Morris Chestnut telling Oblivia that he loves her, and Oblivia telling Moe C that she luvvvvs him, and Morris Chestnut telling Oblivia he is never ever going to leave her again. This is right when an extra comes up and tells Moe C that the baby is crowning, so he needs to leave. We get a couple of more I love yous and then Morris Chestnut gets booted stage right.

Back down at the Team Good Guys’ clubhouse, FBI Mom is strapping a gun to her thigh for no apparent reason, besides giving Hobbs the chance to crack wise. Actually Hobbs has also made FBI Mom a bomb to blow up those pesky soldier eggs. It’s this little blue gel pack that fits in FBI Mom’s clutch. Hobbs also tells everyone that it is super high tech so the Vs won’t be able to detect it when FBI Mom brings it on the ship.

Hobbs then tells them that he is going to make sure the Vs know he will be hanging around some dark parking garage tonight, so Creepy Gopher Guy will come down and try to catch him. FBI Mom points out this plan sounds dangerous, and it would be if Hobbs hadn’t spent the end of the last episode getting ready to sell them out.

Were you wondering what Bailey 2.0 was going to do with that letter? Too bad, because we find out in this scene. Bailey 2.0 hot foots it up to the mothership and takes the letter straight to Anna. Bailey 2.0 asks Anna if any of the Visitors are in the Fifth Column, and Anna tells him that would be impossible. Her people are all loyal and peace loving, well the non-skinned ones are. No, this letter has to be meant for one of the humans in the Live Aboard program.

Bailey 2.0 tells her he just wants to make sure that nobody gets hurt, and Anna tells him that as soon as the Fifth Column is destroyed nobody will get hurt. Well except for humanity being enslaved, or used for fiendish medical procedures, or eaten, or enslaved, used for fiendish medical procedures and being eaten at the same time, but aside from that, everything is going to be one long continuous chorus of Kumbaya.

We cut down. down to that dark parking garage, where Hobbs is doing some bad ass mercenary type stuff to sneak up on a SUV. The only teensy problem is that when he opens the door nobody is in it, and Creepy Gopher Guy is standing behind him. Creepy Gopher guy has brought the standard attache case full of money for Hobbs to sell out Team Good Guys, and is more then a little miffed when he finds out Hobbs has only brought him half of Dateline Predator’s research on that stuff that might be able to do something bad to the Vs.

Hobbs tells Creepy Gopher Guy he wants more then money. He wants to know why the Vs keep framing him. Creepy Gopher Guy tells Hobbs the Vs want to hire him. Hobbs makes a you’ve got to be pooping me face, and asks CGG just what makes him think Hobbs would ever work for him? This is when Creepy Gopher Guy drops a big bombshell, and tells Hobbs that he’s already been working for the Vs for years. Creepy Gopher Guy then hands Hobbs a bunch of pictures of himself acting fairly shifty, and tells Hobbs they need to talk.

In case I haven’t mentioned it yet this season, Creepy Gopher Guy has a giant tater.

We cut over to FBI Mom and High School Musical Kid who are about to take a shuttle up to the ship. High School Musical Kid makes his mom promise to not embarrass him tonight. FBI Mom tells him okay, even though if she can’t tell how he wore her bras on his head until he was five, wet the bed well into the fifth grade, and has a reoccurring nightmare where he is being smothered by Katie Couric with an Easter ham, she is going to have a hard time keeping up her end of the dinner conversation.

Don’t want to be embarrassed? Don’t button all the buttons on your shirt and then not wear a tie

We go up to the ship where some extra tells FBI Mom she isn’t allowed to bring guns or personal items into Anna’s living quarters. I love in this scene how nobody bats an eye when FBI Mom essentially pulls a .45 out of her cooch. The extra does make it quite clear that FBI Mom can’t bring her exploding clutch when she meets Anna. FBI Mom does get to keep her cell phone, which will be good for playing solitaire on, but no very helpful for blowing up soldier eggs.

Trust me, you don’t even want to think about where she’s keeping the bullets

This is right when Anna and Space Alien Bait show up. Ah, let the awkwardness begin. Anna says it’s great to see them, but she needs to take care of some stuff before they can chow down. Space Alien Bait herds FBI Mom and High School Musical Kid into her mom’s living quarters, while Anna exits stage left.

You might think we’d go to see what business Anna was going to take care of, but we’ve still got a half hour of our finale to get through, so things get stretched out. We see Bailey 2.0 try to drop off that letter with Rocco DiSpaceLizard, but Rocco tells B20 that he doesn’t have any friends. Aww, Rocco, you wear a really ugly jacket, but don’t take it like that. I’m sure there a people who like you. We just have no idea who they are.

Anyway, Bailey 2.0 says there must have been a mistake and wanders out of the scene. Security Guard Guy, who is still wearing a doctor’s coat, want to know why Rocco didn’t take that letter because it could have been from FBI Mom. Rocco DiSpaceLizard points out that Bailey 2.0 is Anna’s A#1 brown noser. Security Guard guy thinks they should send out a message to the rest of the Fifth Column not to trust Bailey, and Rocco ends up going along with it mainly just to shut the guy up.

Back down in the parking garage, Creepy Gopher Guy tells Hobbs they know he works for the highest bidder, so they want him to go undercover and infiltrate the Fifth Column. Hobbs points out that Creepy Gopher Guy can’t order him around, because Hobbs still has half of that research that Creepy Gopher Guy wants, and once Hobbs disappears Creepy Gopher Guy will never be able to find him.

Creepy Gopher Guy doesn’t sweat this news and points out that while the Vs probably won’t be able to find Hobbs, they will be able to find “her.” Creepy Gopher Guy hands Hobbs a picture we don’t get to see, but considering as this is a cheesy sci-fi show, I’m betting that Hobbs has an adorable little daughter. This too bad, because I think next season would be way better if we found out he had a long lost aunt.

Tell me she wouldn’t make this show better

Back up on the mothership, Bailey 2.0 is just hanging out in a hallway by the medical center. This means he gets to watch a whole mess of Anna’s goons march by as they head over to bust Rocco DiSpaceLizard and Security Guard Guy. After Security Guard Guy gets marched out of the sick bay, Bailey 2.0 stops by to have a little chat with Rocco DiSpaceLizard.

Bailey wants to know why Rocco would be working against someone as wonderful as Anna. Rocco DiSpaceLizard tells Bailey that aside from her skinning Vs who make her unhappy, and giving Bailey 2.0 an aneurysm instead of curing it, he’ll have to go with her taking the last piece of cake at the monthly pot lucks. Bailey 2.0 doesn’t want to believe this, because what good is a pot luck if you don’t get cake? Rocco then tells Bailey 2.0 to go check out that not so secret lab where Anna is doing stuff to the Live Aboard people and come back and tell him Anna is still the second coming of Gandhi. Bailey 2.0 doesn’t want to believe any of this, but you just know for the good of the plot he is going to go check it out.

Down at Our Lady of Plot Points a little brouhaha has broken out. It turns out Older Priest doesn’t like the sermon Soap Opera Priest is writing. Maybe the fact that it is entitled “Would Saint Paul shoot V shuttles out of the sky? Yes, yes he would.” Soap Opera Priest tries to convince Older Priest that maybe people worshiping the Vs as gods isn’t a good thing. Older Priest doesn’t want to hear anything about this and tells Soap Opera Priest he wants a rewrite on that sermon stat.

Also, is there any way you could make Jesus taller, and maybe a little less Jewish?

Oh and if he can work in a lovable wisecracking skateboarding dog with a peppy catch phrase into it, so much the better. When Soap Opera Priest tries to grow a spine and asks what will happen if he doesn’t do a re-write, Older Priest tells him he can pack up his complete collection of Archie comic books and hit the bricks. I think Soap Opera Priest should compromise. Keep the V hate, and add the talking dog then it we’ll have something for everybody.

Back up on the ship Oblivia makes a couple of push, push faces, and her lizard love baby pops out. They don’t let us in the audience see what the baby looks like, but the poop face Oblivia makes when she sees it, is a hint this kid might not be destined for the pageant circuit. Anna rolls in, takes a peek at the baby, and kills Oblivia. I think it’s safe to say, that no matter how bad you think your HMO is, they are never going to do this to you.

Oh crap, it really did get Aunt Tessie’s lazy eye

After working up a lizard sized appetite doing assorted evil stuff, Anna chows down with FBI Mom and their respective kids. Anna is making a fairly serious effort to butter FBI Mom up, and talking about how hard it must be to be a single mom and hunt down terrorists. FBI Mom is polite and doesn’t mention that seeing as she is the chief terrorist, Anna should look forward to FBI Mom sucking at her job, big time. Just then FBI Mom gets a phone call. She tells everyone it’s work related and exits stage left.

Once FBI Mom gets out of sight, she starts looking for her purse and Hobb’s blue jello bomb. Space Alien Bait rolls into the scene and FBI Mom asks her where her mom keeps the coats and bombs. Space Alien Bait takes this time to give FBI Mom that salt shaker, which it turns out is some sort of space grenade and tells FBI Mom that the room she is looking for is right through that door in the wall. FBI Mom is totally confused by what is happening but starts to move out to make with the hooieing kablooieing.

Space Alien Bait nixes this idea because we are still in the second act. Sorry, I mean FBI Mom has been gone too long and Anna is getting suspicious. FBI Mom heads back into the dinner party, but Space Alien Bait stays out so she can come up with a diversion.

Space Alien Bait heads down to sick bay and Rocco wants to know what is happening. Space Alien Bait says she gave FBI Mom the salt shaker of doom, but says they still need a diversion. Rocco DiSpaceLizard just happened to write a bug into his computer system in case he ever needed to escape a force field during a season finale. Space Alien Bait springs him, and in an interesting moment, when they say good bye, Rocco DiSpaceLizard calls her his queen.

We don’t get any time to mull this over, because Bailey 2.0 heads over to check out that corridor that Rocco DiSpaceLizard told him about. As for this scene, do you remember when Space Alien Bait went over here a couple of weeks ago? It’s pretty much the exact same scene. Bailey 2.0 walks down the same dark hallway, sees the V techs doing the same creepy things to humans that space alien bait saw, and for all we know, the exact same extra is getting jabbed with hundreds and hundreds of needles. Bailey 2.0 even makes the same exact poop face as Space Alien Bait. Well, you have to admire the writer’s consistency in this scene, even if you’re disappointed in their lack of originality.

We go back to Anna’s awkward dinner party, where it turns out they are having a terrorist attack for dessert. Some extra comes in and tells Anna the Fifth Column is attacking. FBI Mom says she want to help out, so the goons let her go get her gun by herself as everyone else exits stage left.

Now that FBI Mom is all on her lonesome, it’s the perfect time for her to break into Anna’s hot tub of love. FBI Mom is suitably grossed out by all of Anna’s eggs which look like they are going to hatch, any second now. FBI Mom breaks out the salt shaker of doom, chucks it into the hot tub, and then does the ever popular outrun the CGI explosion in slow motion, and dive through a door before getting hooied kablooied.

We cut right from that to Rocco DiSpaceLizard making his diversion. Rocco is shooting a bunch of V goons with this ray gun that makes them disintegrate, when FBI Mom shows up. FBI Mom wants to help Rocco escape, but Rocco tells her that isn’t in the cards, and that she needs to kill him so Anna won’t suspect her for french frying her eggs. FBI Mom says she isn’t going to do this, but the V goons are closing in, and it’s almost time to cut to commercial, so she ends up plugging Rocco DiSpaceLizard.

When we come back for the next scene Anna is in a pretty good mood. She is telling FBI Mom how Rocco DiSpaceLizard was a dirty human who snuck aboard, and she takes some time out to thank Bailey 2.0 for helping her to catch those pesky Fifth Column members. She also tells Bailey how good it is that they are working together and as long as he stays buddied up with Anna, everything will be hunky dory. As a matter of fact, Anna is so pleased with how her evil plan is going right now that she doesn’t notice that FBI Mom and Bailey 2.0 both know she’s completely full of poop.

Not that Anna would have time to notice. She has to get down to sick bay to screw with Morris Chestnut. Moe C is pretty pissed off, what with his sweet baboo croaking on that cheap metal chair thing. Morris Chestnut blames it all on Anna, but she kind of turns it back on Morris Chestnut, saying the V doctors did what they could, but they just got to Oblivia too late to save her.

Morris Chestnut is in a pretty bad place, so when Anna whips a little of her bliss on him, he ends up dropping to his knees in front of Anna. Anna then seals the deal by showing him his baby and telling him welcome home.

Wow, a pretty big plot development, huge actually, but we get any time to dwell on it because we cut over to Our Lady of Plot Points where Soap Opera Priest is getting ready to make his big sermon. Soap Opera Priest doesn’t hold anything back, and tells his congregation that the Vs are serious bad news and don’t mean the people of Earth any good. He then makes a recruitment pitch at the end and everyone in the church stands up. Sure there are only five people left in the church at this point, and two of them are FBI Mom and Hobbs (and one of them is going to sell everyone out for gobs and gobs of money, and to keep somebody safe), but let’s face it; he kills in this scene.

“And here are some other groups you shouldn’t trust, Lutherans…”

Older Priest decides he’s the designated buzz kill of the night, and tells Soap Opera Priest he’s in big, big trouble. Soap Opera Priest tells Older Priest that if he can’t preach his message in church, he’ll find someplace else to do it, and then walks out with his buddies to go get flapjacks..

On his way out, Soap Opera Priest sees Bailey 2.0 in the back of the church looking super guilty. He and Soap Opera Priest exchange nods, but Bailey 2.0 gets left behind, because flapjacks aren’t for squealers.

Back up on the mothership, Anna’s streak of nothing but good news comes to an end when she checks out her now blown up hot tub of love. Creepy Gopher Guy has to deliver the bad news that they lost just about all of her solider eggs. and aren’t sure if the ones they saved will be any good. Luckily, Anna is a calm emotionless space lizard.

Well, maybe she used to be emotionless, but she starts howling like a frigging coyote. Anna does manage to ask what is happening to her, and Creepy Gopher Guy tells her, that she is experiencing her first human emotion. Wow, and it’s a beaut too. She starts screaming again loud enough to have got her to at least the final six on this season of Idol.

Seriously, give her a nose stud, and I would have voted for her

We see Anna heading up to her office, and she must be calmed down by now, right? No such luck. She fires up her floating computer as Creepy Gopher Guy tries to talk her in off the ledge, telling her not to do anything rash. Not that she listening, she is pushing CGI buttons like a mad woman.

Whatever Anna is doing is such a bad idea that Creepy Gopher Guy grabs her arm. Do you know how bad you have to be screwing up for your toady to lay his hands on you? Not that it does any good, because Anna breaks his grip and hits one more button, and this causes Creepy Gopher Guy to make the last poop face of the season and ask Anna what she’s done. Anna just tells him one word, vengeance.

We go to the next morning and Anna is looking at the window and looking a little smug. This jangly rock guitar starts playing, think of the non-union equivalent of U2, and you’ll have a pretty good idea how it sounds. Then we look out the window and see all these clouds spinning around, turning red. We cut over to Soap Opera Priest who is going out for his morning run when he sees the clouds, and we cut to FBI Mom peering out her window, Bailey 2.0 looking up as he gets out of a cab, and even Hobbs noticing what is going on from deep in his basement. We then find out there aren’t just swirling red clouds over New York City, but all over the world.

The music is still running, so we cut away from those actually pretty cool CGI clouds to a bunch of V doctors working on somebody while Creepy Gopher Guy stands in the background. Eventually the docs get done waving their black light over a guy, and we find out it’s Rocco DiSpaceLizard, and he’s alive again. This would be a yay moment, but Creepy Gopher Guy tells Rocco welcome back and we know he’s totally screwed. The End.

Well, we can all mark that season as done in the big book of TV, and a pretty good season finale for this particular show. Sure there was a pretty severe assault on our common sense, but at this point, on this show, we all should be kind of used to it. The show’s writers did do a good job of bringing up plenty of interesting questions for next season. Is Hobbs going to sell everyone out? Is High School Musical Kid going to get jabbed with hundreds and hundreds of needles? Is Morris Chestnut going to go over to Team Lizard? Is Soap Opera Priest going to get kicked out of Our Lady of Plot Points, and of course the big one; what do those red clouds mean, and will we get to see some sweet, sweet alien invading footage? It looks like the writers gave themselves plenty of cool stuff to play with next season, so here’s hoping they do, and don’t just mark time until the tenth episode.

Thanks to everyone who has read these posts, and thanks for putting up with the occasional lateness, shoddy punctuation, and my almost constant periodic inability to suffer through lazy writing. You guys are the best, and make these things worth writing, thank you so very much.

Anyway, I hope everyone out there has a great summer (or not, hey, no pressure), and we get a chance to talk soon.

Thanks for stopping by.