Hi Gasmi, pop quiz. What do you think is the first thing you need for quality TV show? What’s that? How about a new and original idea that people have never seen before? WRONG! Bad Gasmi, bad! No development deal for you. No, I’m sorry but the correct answer is something that’s been done before. Tried and true keeps people in jobs that their main requirements are wearing $2,000 suits and going to lunch. So remember new is bad and what you want to do is “reinvent” a show if you like job security. This means we’re in real luck because today’s show, V, is a remake of a mini-series and a regular series (it’s like double safe), so make the jump and take a look at the kind of TV that keeps the suits in their comfort zone.
Our episode, shoot, our series starts with a message that flashes up on the screen. “Do you remember where you were when JFK was assassinated?” No offense, but if you remember that you’re probably packing an AARP card and wondering when Larry King is going to come on, so you aren’t going to watch this show.
We get another message up on the screen, “Do you remember where you were on 9/11?” Now in this case if you don’t remember this, then you probably have a nifty case of Alzheimer’s and are in your kitchen staring at the oven wondering why Larry King isn’t on.
Finally we get our last question, “do you remember where you where this morning?” Hmmm, let me see? I was watching cartoons and downloading porn (god I love Saturdays). I guess I’m their target audience. Anyway, after this meaningless memory quiz we get started with the actual TV show.
We see a perfect Martha Stewart decorated bed room, with some woman who has managed to get eight hours of sleep and still keep a perfect hair style. We know she’s an FBI agent in counter-terrorism because her badge is right on the bedside table and it says FBI, Counter-Terrorism. For me this really cleared things up because I totally had her pegged as a professional sleeper.
Anyway, we also find out that FBI lady is a mom, because she goes into her kid’s room to ask him if he feels the house shaking, and Bust Ed; her kid is a total no show. Hmmm, mom is an FBI counter-terrorism agent and her kid went AWOL? Why do I not get the warm fuzzies about how good she is at her job? (Waffleboy upgrades personal terror alert from tope to summer breeze)
Next we get to see a priest who looks way too buff and way too straight to be a real priest, but just like a soap opera priest let some guy in a wheelchair into a church. While this is happening, Bailey from Party of Five is taking a shower, while he is on the news talking about how the world is in pretty craptastic shape at the moment.
The meanwhiles keep coming, because some guy is getting let into a jewelry store. Hey, I know that guy, it’s Morris Chesnut, who you may remember from such movies as Under Siege 2, Dark Territory, and Half Past Dead. Okay, I remember him from those movies because I watch me a ton of Steven Seagal movies, which for those of you keeping score at home works about to half of an actual Segal. Hey, I just checked Mo’s Wikipedia page and he’s got another movie with Stevie that should go straight to DVD sometime very soon. Three Seagal movies Morris? Sorry Morris, one movie means you’re just getting started in show business and you didn’t get a call back on that porn movie. Two means you were really strapped for a car payment on the Ford Focus you got after the first Seagal movie, but three Seagal movies and you officially become part of the problem, hence I hereby nickname thee The Steven Seagal Enabler.
We get our final meanwhile of this part because we cut to some pretty lady reading and drinking tea at her desk. We also see a picture of her with The Steven Seagal Enabler, so we now know why she’s on our TV.
We go back to The Steven Seagal Enabler, who it turns out is picking up an engagement ring and judging by the way the jeweler is French kissing his pooper, the SSE must have gone for at least 2 Â½ carets. The Steven Seagal Enabler says he’s been thinking about getting down on one knee when he proposes and asks the jeweler what he thinks. The jeweler loves it, but to be honest, if The Steven Seagal Enabler showed the guy a picture of a Shetland pony and told him that was his fiancÃ© I’m betting the jeweler would make some comment about the beautiful babies they could make. Personally I think they’d look a lot like A-Rod, but that really doesn’t have anything to do with this show, my bad, focus Waffleboy, Focus!
Trust me, you don’t even want to think about what I’m capable of doing to make a sale
Meanwhile Bailey from Party of Five is at work, and even though he’s got pretty good ideas, nobody takes him seriously. Why? Well it could be because he kind of looks like the asshat version of Michael J. Fox, or it’s more likely because when he reads the evening news he has to sit on three telephone books so the camera can see him.
We get our 73rd cut of the episode when we go back to FBI Mom who has found her wayward child (Waffleboy’s personal terror alert downgraded to aqua marine). He’s in the hospital. (Terror alert upgraded to burnt Sienna) Yeah, it turns out her kid snuck out and went to a party where he got in a fight. That sounds pretty bad ass, but the party was in Soho and let’s be honest do you know why you never read about art students throwing somebody a savage beat down? Because they’re frigging art students, that’s why. So if this guy is in the emergency room it’s more likely because somebody slipped him some bad couscous, then a hard right cross to the jaw.
FBI Mom tries to build up a good head of steam in her ass chewing but just then everything starts seriously shaking and the phone goes out.
Over at the Church Soap Opera Priest is having a little chat with the guy in the wheel chair and then leaves to go work on his lats when the whole Church starts shaking. Soap Opera Priest notices that the bigassed crucifix they have apparently just propped over the doorway is teetering back and forth. Oh my good Soap Opera Priest, Baby Jesus is in trouble!
Next on Fox, When Religious Statues Attack
Not to worry because Soap Opera Priest springs into action and pushes the wheelchair guy out of the way right before Baby Jesus hits the marble floor and shatters into a zillion pieces. What the fu…Look I know it was the Christian thing to do, but all I’m saying is if the wheelchair guy gets broken, the parish isn’t going to have to do a bake sale every two weeks for the rest of the year to get a new one. Just what the hell are they teaching in seminaries these days?
The best part of this whole lot of shaking going on segment is when the pretty tea drinking lady finds herself in an apparent earthquake and her first response is to try to keep the books from falling off her shelves. How tidy. I’m going to go out on a limb here and bet you have to take your shoes off when you come to her house.
The Steven Seagal Enabler gets his ring and darts out into the street to see what is going on, oh and so we can see the big CGI effect they probably sunk half of the episode’s budget into. He looks up and sees a fighter jet fall out of the sky, explode and almost gets smooshed the flying computer generated debris. Then he looks up in the sky with a look on his face like he had that day on the set when Steven Seagal decided to wear short shorts, three parts fear to two parts confusion. We then see a big looming monstrosity reflected in the office building windows, but we don’t get a clear shot. At this point my money is either on a rouge Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon (you didn’t think Garfield was going to keep eating poop forever did you?) or Tyra Banks is in town.
Meanwhile, a stuntman is racing a motorcycle down the streets. I’m sorry I mean FBI Mom’s kid. I’m sure he can ride a motorcycle and is an all around hell raising badass…umm, nope I can’t say that. I’m sorry but this kid has a smoother complexion then any girl I dated in high school, and I’d find him a lot more believable in a Disney tweener musical, which is why I’m nicknaming him High School Musical Kid.
Who wants to hear a song about my social studies quiz?
Anyway we get a clear shot of the big thing that scared the poop out of the Steven Seagal Enabler, and it turns out it’s a super humungous alien space ship. It’s such a shocking sight, that High School Musical Kid has to just stop and look at it. This is right when a whole bunch of soldiers show up with saw horses and start herding everybody away talking about how this is a restricted area. High School Musical Kid tries to explain about how he’s late for a big number about forgetting his locker combination but Solider Extra ain’t buying it, and HMK gets hustled off camera, stage left.
We get a quick shot of Bailey from Party of Five standing on the roof at work starring at the space ship with his mouth open like he competing in a fly catching competition and going for the bronze, but we cut back to FBI Mom has who come downtown to get her bebe. The only problem is some other solider extra is totally underwhelmed by her FBI Mom counter-terrorist ID. She tells him she needs to get past the saw horses to find her son, but he tells her she can’t come over the saw horses because “it’s restricted.” You know seeing as they made High School Musical Kid go behind the saw horses because where his mom is now standing was restricted and his mom can’t get past the saw horses because that side is now restricted, I really think somebody doesn’t know what this word means. Right now the prime suspects are FBI Mom, Solider Extras I and II, or me. What’s that? You know I forgot about the screenwriter, but I’m now declaring him the big winner in this little contest. Thanks, you’re the bestest.
Look, I’ve got a trailer and you’re an extra; I outrank you
Anyway FBI Mom is able to advance the plot, get past the saw horse when some other extras start fighting and distract Solider Extra II. FBI Mom walks about 15 feet and finds High School Musical Kid, which works out for the best because it’s right then that the bottom of the super humongous Alien spaceship turns into a bunch of mirrors and shows a picture of some woman with even better skin then High School Musical kid.
Hooky Smokes Bullwinkle, it’s a giant space ship, and it shows videos? If Steve Jobs can figure out a way to charge people $2.95 for Beatles downloads on this thing, everybody is going to have one by Christmas.
I don’t care how good the picture is, if I can’t download a Pepsi app I’m not buying one
Anyway, the giant lady hovering over the city introduces herself as Anna and tells everyone to relax, because the aliens don’t mean us any harm, they are just in the neighborhood and need a little water and a common element and they will be on their way.
We get shots of these big ships all over the world and Anna is telling everyone the same message in whatever non-English langue they speak there. Oh and Anna and the aliens are totally stoked to have found earth because we are the only other intelligent life in the universe. Good thing for the Visitors Hank isn’t on until Wednesday or, they would have been all alone again.
Anna then signs off, and everyone starts applauding, which is kind of a stretch because we are only about 10 minutes into the episode and usually the cast doesn’t applaud themselves. Then again this might be one of those situations like my own sex life, where if you don’t take things into your own hands, nothing is going to get done, so applaud away you plucky little extras!
We’re getting paid for this, right?
It’s a little bit later and Soap Opera Priest is walking with some older priest and SOP totally has his cassock in a twist because the Vatican issued a statement concerning the aliens (who we find out are called Visitors) which boils down to “We’re all God’s creatures.” Soap Opera Priest thinks this is a little trite, but the older priest reminds him that as long as the Visitors don’t want same sex marriages, birth control, abortions, or to say anything positive about those dang old Mormons, they’re okay in the Pope’s book.
Soap Opera Priest tries to build up a nice little xenophobic head of steam, but the older priest reminds him they are there to tend to their flock. Soap Opera Priest points out wheelchair guy is their flock and then they both poop themselves when they go into the Church and the place is packed. Personally I’m not surprised because everyone knows the main things that drive up attendance at mass are Christmas, Easter, the arrival of aliens on Earth, and your grandmother making a surprise visit.
Sad Fact, 32% of the people in this picture are there strictly for Bingo
We go back to FBI Mom’s house where High School Musical Kid and his friend, Less Attractive Sidekick are watching about the visitors on TV and totally into it like all those other things kids these days like, such as the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, and internet predators. (Sorry, I’m getting a little older and the only interactions I have with teenagers come courtesy of Dateline.) FBI Mom is on the phone with her partner talking about FBI stuff. Well she’s talking about FBI stuff, but her partner, who is played by the guy who is Alpha over on Dollhouse, wants to talk about if she and High School Musical Kid are okay. FBI Mom says they are fine and decides this would be a good time to work in a little bitching about her ex-husband. FBI Mom’s partner tells her to take the day off, and she does. Man her partner is a nice guy huh?
Meanwhile Anna and some of the other big wheel Visitors are stopping by the United Nations where they totally get hassled by the media. Luckily Bailey from Party of Five is there to totally suck up to our favorite grey wearing aliens. He and Anna do a little intra-species flirting and she then exits stage left.
We cut ahead to later that night when Anna is watching Bailey from Party of Five on the news and she tells her vaguely creepy gopher that she “wants” Bailey from Party of Five. Uh oh, looks like we’ve got a starf@&ker on the show.
After we come back from the commercial break, we see Bailey from Party of Five does the news and gives us a man sized helping of exposition to get the plot moving. It turns out three weeks have gone by and all you need to know is the V’s are super cool, and anyone who has a problem with them is just hating y’all. Wow, thanks for clearing that up short round.
FBI Mom makes into work, and her partner still wants to talk about the V’s, but FBI Mom totally found a clue about the sleeper cell of terrorists she’s been chasing. (Can’t keep doe eyed teenaged boy in house, but she is supposed to protect us from sleeper cells? I’m now updating my personal terror alert from burnt sienna to hot tamale red.)
It turns out while FBI Mom was off camera; she found this pretty kickass clue about a truck full of C-4 being parked out on Staten Island. She bundles up her partner and they head out to keep us safe from scary rental trucks.
FBI Mom and her partner get out to the place in Staten Island, but it’s totally empty. Her partner is like bummeroskis dude, and wants to head over to Chili’s for jalapeno poppers and beer. Too bad for him FBI Mom sees a shed that the truck was parked next to in the satellite photo she has.
They go in the shed, annnnnnnd, nothing. Her partner is kind of sad but wants to know if they can go home yet. Not just yet lazy boy, because FBI Mom finds a trap door which leads down into an almost Doctor Evil like lair. When they get downstairs they find a dead guy, a bunch of passports and a whole mess of C-4. Wow, way to go FBI Mom, I am now downgrading my personal terror alert to Indian summer.
While this is going on The Steven Seagal Enabler gets a call on his cell. It’s from some chubby guy with a beard. The SSE tells chubby guy not to call him any more because he’s no longer that guy. Hmmmm, it kind of sounds like The Steven Seagal Enabler did some experimenting in college that didn’t require a lab fee. His cellie rings again right as the pretty tea drinker, who we now know is his almost fiancÃ©, comes walking up and he ignores the call in the most obvious way possible.
Hey, are you curious as to what the High School Musical Kid is up to? Well then it’s just not your day, because we find out he and Less Attractive Sidekick have gotten tickets to go up to the V’s bigass spaceship hovering over the city. They are pretty jazzed about the whole trip and we get to see that inside the alien space ship is a whole city that looks exactly like Epcot at Disney World.
In space a small coke costs $7.95
It is pretty cool, but the thing that really catches High School Musical Kid’s eye is there tour guide. This is mainly because if the zipper on her uniform were any lower he’d be on a first name basis with her chi chis. It turns out the attraction with Space Alien Bait is mutual, oh and she wants to know if High School Musical Kid and Less Attractive Sidekick are interested in joining the V’s Ambassadors for Peace. It’s a totally fun group for people to wear uniforms, tell their friends and neighbors how cool the V’s are, and quite possibly make out with your hot tour guides. Well okay, that last part isn’t really said, but the way Space Alien Bait is eye humping High School Musical kid, it’s really super duper implied.
High School Musical Kid is ready to join right then, but Less Attractive Sidekick points out you have to be 18 to join this super cool club, and sadly they are both 17.
Oh man! Bad Less Attractive sidekick, bad! Nobody likes an intergalactic cockblocker. If this is all you are going to bring to the party, next time just do everybody a favor and stay in the space shuttle.
Anyway, Space Alien Bait says they can sign up if they have their parents’ permission. High School Musical Kid said that’s cool but his mom isn’t. Alien Space Bait says that is too bad because she is totally looking forward to an earth custom called “getting to second base,” and then slinks off. Show of hands, how many of the rest of you think High School Musical Kid is going to develop a sudden interest in amateur calligraphy before the end of the show? Yep, me too.
Over at the church Soap Opera Priest is giving a sermon where he tells everyone in the congregation that he isn’t saying they shouldn’t not trust the V’s, but shouldn’t the V’s have to earn that trust. For those of you keeping score at home, that is actually a very passive aggressive way to say don’t trust the V’s, and a lot of people in the congregation think it sounds like a good idea, especially this one little bald headed dude.
We didn’t land on mediocrity, mediocrity landed on us!
After the mass the older priest wants to have a talk with Soap Opera Priest about all this V hating. Soap Opera Priest thinks thy are just too good to be true and s worried that people are going to start worshiping the V’s instead of God. The older priest points out they are packed every day now that the V’s are here and they are the best thing to happen to church attendance in a long time. They are way, way better then that ___ Days Since an Alter Boy Was Inappropriately Touched sign the Archdiocese sent around last year.
This little argument on faith gets interrupted when Wheelchair Guy shows up. The only thing is Wheelchair Guy went to the V’s and now he can walk, so I guess we can call him Needs a Shave Guy from now on. Soap Opera Priest and Older Priest are both speechless at seeing this apparent miracle. Personally, if I were Soap Opera Priest I’d take the bag full of the pieces of Baby Jesus over to the V’s and see if they can put him back together again. I’m guessing after three weeks everybody is getting tired of buying Sister Mary Margaret’s special rice crispy squares after mass and then feeding them to the family dog.
High School Musical Kid rolls home just in time to see FBI Mom is on the computer and she wants him to come over and look at it. Don’t do it kid, she’s watching a squirrel water ski; that’s the only thing mom’s watch online.
Well slap me silly, she’s not watching a squirrel water ski online; she’s watching a video of High School Musical Kid and Less Attractive Sidekick out tagging for the V’s. FBI Mom is pretty pissed and launches into a pretty standard chew out your kid bit about not thinking High School Musical Kid not thinking for himself and then tries to make it her ex’s fault for not being around. High School Musical Kid throws this last part back in her face and points out that what with all that time she spends not catching terrorist sleeper cells, it’s kind of a tie between her and her ex for not being a part of his life. This causes FBI Mom to make a face like a guilt bomb just went off in her face which is exactly what happened.
Bailey from Party of Five comes into work and Anna’s Vaguely Creepy Gopher is waiting for him with Bailey’s boss. Bailey from Party of Five wants to know what’s up and Anna’s Vaguely Creepy Gopher asks him if he wants to do an exclusive interview with Anna on international TV? Bailey from Party of Five makes a face like he just pooped in his big boy pants, but I’m guessing he says yes.
The Steven Seagal Enabler is out with his almost fiancÃ© when he gets another phone call from nobody. Almost fiancÃ© points out that he’s been getting a whole bunch of phone calls from nobody lately, and The Steven Seagal Enabler tells her that nobody is as important to him as his almost fiancÃ©, and even though he won’t answer his cell phone in front of her it doesn’t mean he’s ever been to a bathhouse. For the record, the almost fiancÃ© found The Steven Seagal Enabler’s explanation to be a lot more soothing then I did.
After doing such a great job at parenting, FBI Mom heads back to the job and finds her partner trying to match the pictures from the forged passports they found out the Staten Island terrorist lair to people in the FBI database, but he’s not having any luck. FBI Mom flirts with him a little bit and then lets him in on the big news; she’s found another clue off camera. It’s the ID of the dead guy they found at the lair and tells her partner to get it in gear because they have bad guys to catch.
Too bad for the FBI Mom when they get to the dead guy’s house somebody already beat them to the place and ransacked it. Her partner makes a sad face and tells her if she’ll drive to Dairy Queen he’ll spring for the first round of DQ Blizzards.
But it turn out the day isn’t a total loss, because FBI Mom actually does something pretty crafty. She calls the dead guy’s cell phone and when it goes off she is able to find it and check all of the dead guy’s stuff on his phone. This is why she is able to find a text about a secret meeting the dead guy got invited to about the evil sleeper cell. Well this is the way the screenwriter gets her another clue about the sleeper cell, and it’s a lot better finding out stuff off camera and telling us about it, so I am going to keep my complaining to a minimum on this one.
The Steven Seagal Enabler is coming out of work where the chubby guy with the beard is waiting for him. Stalk much chubby guy? The SSE throws a tasteful little poop fit when he sees him. Chubby Guy tells The Seagal Enabler, “It’s starting.” Well that doesn’t matter because The Steven Seagal Enabler tells Chubbsy he’s not that guy any more and he’s engaged and to leave him alone. Chubbsy leaves, but not before he slips The Steven Seagal Enabler a piece of paper with the address of the meeting they are having tonight in case the SSE changes his mind.
I told you, I’m engaged. To a girl, with boobies and everything
Over at the church, Soap Opera Priest finds the little bald guy who liked his don’t trust the V’s sermon so much sitting in one of the pews. Oh he also finds out the little bald guy has a hole in his torso big enough to put your fist in it. The little bald dude starts yammering about how the V’s did this to him and they are bad news and then he hands Soap Opera Priest this bloody envelope which he tells SOP to take to the address on the envelope. Then being a good minor character that’s done his bit to advance the plot, the little bald dude promptly drops dead.
We cut over to Bailey from Party of Five who is getting ready for his big interview with Anna. Everything is going great until Anna mentions she doesn’t want him to ask any questions that will make the V’s look bad. Bailey from Party of Five tries to be polite and explains that sometimes journalists have to ask questions that make people uncomfortable, but not to worry because he will be fair. Anna tells him fair isn’t going to cut it, and if he doesn’t get with the program he’s not getting the exclusive interview and he can go back to doing stories on water skiing squirrels. This is right when somebody behind Anna tells them they are one minute to air, and Bailey from Party of Five gets a look on his face like he just ruined another pair of big boy pants.
We cut over to FBI Mom and her partner sitting in front of the warehouse where the meeting about their terror cell is supposed to take place. They don’t have any backup because FBI Mom thinks someone has been tipping off the terrorists, so it’s just going to be her and her partner on this one. Her partner wants to come in with her but she’s like he needs to stay outside so nobody strips their FBI car because this isn’t the best neighborhood. Then in an awesome bit of unintentional comedy when FBI Mom heads inside for the secret meeting; she announces she is there for the meeting.
We cut back to our interview, and Bailey from Party of Five has not only totally caved, but Anna totally kicks him while he down because in the interview she tells him to feel free to ask her anything. It’s tough being a tiny anchorman trying to make it in a five foot eight world.
The face of someone who just got nut punched
The face of the nut puncher
We cut back to the “secret meeting”, and Chubbsy tells everyone they are going to get a shot so they can look at their skulls and make sure they aren’t visitors. Jesus Chubby Guy none of them are wearing gray, what are you worried about?
We then cut back and forth between Anna on TV telling us everything is fine and the Visitors are going to make it better and Chubby Guy at the meeting telling everyone the V’s are not only bad news, but they’ve been on Earth for years screwing things up so we’d be ready to bow down to them when they finally showed up.
Chubby Guy works up a pretty good head of conspiracy theory steam when FBI Mom asks him if he has any actual proof. Chubby Guy gets a little cranky and wants to know who invited FBI Mom to the party, but this is when Soap Opera Priest pulls out the bloody envelope he got from the bald headed dude. It turns out the envelope is full of pictures of people, one of whom just happens to be a guy they have a picture of from the passports they found at sleeper cell lair. This is when FBI Mom makes a look like she just soiled her big girl pants because she now realizes that her sleeper terrorists are V’s.
We cut to commercial and when we get back FBI Mom is kind of flirting with Soap Opera Priest, which is okay, because he’s not wearing his penguin suit. This little semi-forbidden love fest gets broken up when this shiny floating thingamajig floats into the middle of the room.
Luckily Chubby Guy sees it and yells for everybody to get down, which means only a couple of extras get killed when it shoots out a whole bunch of darts. This is right when a whole bunch of V’s show up with some very sharp knifes and proceed to get seriously Benihana on out heroes.
FBI Mom is kind of holding her own in the fight until this guy comes up on her and starts wailing the lickpiss out of her. When she finally gets a good look at the guy, oh Snapple! It’s her partner. Who saw this shocker coming, besides, you and me, and the water skiing squirrel?
FBI Mom’s I’m Guessing Now Ex-Partner is whacking her around pretty good, but when he goes to grab this gun on the ground she whacks him with a pipe and kills him. Well that’s what it looks like because he’s now sporting a big hole in his head, and when FBI Mom pushes it open she sees lizard skin.
This freaks her out, but not nearly as much as when her ex-partner/lizard man comes back to life. He almost kills her again and she has to give him another whack with the pipe, and just to make sure this time; she stabs that no goodnik right in his lizard heart.
While this was going on, Chubby Guy was beating feet out of the warehouse. Too bad for him a couple of V’s were waiting for him. Oh and too bad for the V’s this is right when the Steven Seagal Enabler shows up to kick some serious lizard butt for a guy with a fiancÃ© who just wanted to stay at home and watch Gray’s Anatomy. Anyway, most of the humans at the meeting get snuffed but none of the main characters are hurt and they proceed to exit stage right and stage left respectively.
After they get away The Steven Seagal Enabler lets Chubby Guy in on his big secret. It turns out the SSE is a V. Holy Snorkies chubby guy’s big boy pants bite the dust on this news. The Steven Seagal Enabler does have a little good news; he’s a good V, not a bad V, and there are others like him on Earth willing to help humanity for the good of the plot. Then The Steven Seagal Enabler tells Chubbsy he has to go break up with his fiancÃ© and get his chaps out of storage and he exits stage left.
Bailey from Party of Five is ready to slink away after flushing his professional ethics when Anna’s Vaguely Creepy Gopher catches up with him to give our favorite little Quisling a pep talk. The Vaguely Creepy Gopher’s pep talk consists of congratulating Bailey from Party of Five on sacrificing his ethics for the greater good and telling him this will really help his career. You know, judging by this pep talk I’m guessing the V’s suicide hotlines suck donkey balls. Not surprisingly this doesn’t really cheer up Bailey from Party of Five, and he and Anna who is standing down the hallway eyeball each other for awhile and then each leaves.
In our society we find the ownership of one’s own scrotum to be highly overrated
The Steven Seagal Enabler gets back to his place and is all set to break up with his almost fiancÃ© and get back to his alternative lifestyle, when he finds out she found the ring he bought and he doesn’t have the heart to break up with her. They share a big hug, and the now official fiancÃ© has a steady acting gig for at least another week.
FBI Mom and Soap Opera Priest are sitting on a roof somewhere and Soap Opera Priest wants to know what they should do next. FBI Mom tells him they are going to form a super duper secret resistance and they aren’t going to stop until every lizard has been driven off the face of the Earth. I mean the ET lizards. The Earth ones are cool and are more then welcome to hang around.
The brain trust of the resistance. Is it too late to start learning Space Lizard?
It’s a pretty good speech, of course the only downside is while FBI Mom is giving it, High School Musical Kid, forges her signature to that permission slip and the next thing you know he’s been issued a Captain EO jacket and is now an official member of team bad guy.
Then we cut to a shot of Anna looking out her window on the bigass spaceship down at New York City like a cat looking at a bird cage. The End.
Well there you have it, the pilot, what did everyone else think of this show?
Does anyone have a nickname for Scott Wolf’s character? I can’t keep calling the guy Bailey and I don’t really feel like learning his character’s name, so I am totally open to suggestions.
Anyway, we get another episode on Tuesday so we can see just what monkeyshines are favorite space lizards get into this week. Thanks for stopping by.