This week on V, The Resistance breaks up and reforms only two less times then Areosmith did, a kid who looks like he wandered off a Tiger Beat cover throws somebody a beat down, and the US government wrestles with whether or not they should recognize the giant spaceships hovering over LA and New York.
This week’s episode starts pretty much right where we ended up last week, FBI Mom and Soap Opera Priest are sitting up on a roof going over the big fight at the warehouse that just happened. FBI Mom also takes advantage of this time to get a little belly aching in about finding out her partner was actually an alien, and having to kill him…twice. Soap Opera Priest makes a concerned face which is all he can do because lets face it; they don’t spend a lot of time at the seminary teaching you how to counsel someone who just killed their best friend after finding out they were a lizard.
Just then, somebody at ABC remembers this is a sci-fi show and we see one of those zippy little space shuttles come hauling butt down from the big alien mothership. It zips right over our heroes’ heads and sets down by the old abandoned warehouse. This leads to FBI Mom and Soap Opera Priest getting up off their duffs and heading over to investigate.
When they get to the warehouse the V’ are cleaning up all the dead bodies. Say what you want, they may be cold blooded space reptiles looking to do God knows what to the human race, but they are tidy.
Soap Opera Priest wants to call the authorities, and FBI Mom rightly thinks this is a bad idea. This good idea holds up until Soap Opera Priest whips out his cell phone and is all set to call the cops on a traceable line. With her hand kind of forced, FBI Mom heads over to the pay phone in the dark empty alley in the middle of nowhere which just happens to be right next to a deserted warehouse. She calls 911 and because she is a bad ass FBI type she takes precautions to make sure her voice can’t be identified; she puts her hand over her mouth.
Yes, I’m with the FBI, is your refrigerator running?
FBI Mom tells the 911 operator that there is a warehouse full of dead people and the police need to get there toot sweet. The operator tells FBI Mom help is on the way but he keeps talking and talking and at this point I’m screaming at my TV for her to get off the line. I don’t care if it is 911, if you talk to any operator long enough, they’re bound to ask you about your long distance provider and then you’re never getting off the line.
This leads to us a good news/bad news situation. The good news is the operator is a V who has intercepted the call, which means FBI Mom doesn’t have to worry about finding herself in a calling plan with unlimited minutes to Croatia. The bad news is the V’s send one of those little flying thingamajigs that killed all the extras last week to take care of her and Soap Opera Priest.
Luckily, Soap Opera Priest spots it, and then he and FBI Mom haul ass before they get riddled with darts. However this leads to a bit of bad news, because the little flying thingamajig of doom is right on their tails, and it’s gaining on them when they duck around a corner, and (wait for it), BLAMO!
Taste the righteous wrath of my 2×4 of justice, evil alien thingamajig!
FBI Mom nails that tiny flying machine with a board and it explodes into a cloud of CGI sparks. Yeah, V’s you may have figured out how to travel faster then the speed of light, and build small deadly devices that can hunt people down on their own, but none of those things are a match for any Earth board. Why? Because our saw mills totally rock. Suck it vastly more intelligent alien life forms.
FBI Mom just took care of business, but she decides it’s time to end the Resistance. Sure, they have a board, but the V’s are just too strong to take head on. She tells Soap Opera Priest to just forget about everything and go home because they can’t trust anybody. After letting Soap Opera Priest in on that carefully thought out decision that took 43 seconds to come to, she hoofs it out of the scene.
FBI Mom gets back to her house, and of course High School Musical Kid is nowhere to be found, but before she can get pissed off she hears a noise downstairs. FBI Mom picks up a handy baseball bat and heads downstairs to investigate. There is a whole bunch of rustling going on and FBI Mom is all set to clobber somebody, when she comes around a corner and finds herself face to face with High School Musical Kid.
FBI Mom manages to check her swing and doesn’t knock $35,000 worth of orthodontia out of High School Musical Kid’s mouth and on to the floor. At this point FBI Mom turns into an actual parent, asking High School Musical Kid if he’s been out all night. With the help of two awkward pauses and a couple of “um yeahs,” High School Musical Kid makes a bid for the most unconvincing lie told by a teenager in 2009, with an epically weak story about him being out all night with Less Attractive Sidekick because his motorcycle broke down.
Do you remember 42 words ago about how I told you FBI Mom had turned into an actual parent? Yeah, well that period of her life comes to a screeching end when she buys this value sized portion of balloon juice. FBI Mom decides the important thing for right now is to get High School Musical Kid to promise to not hang out with those darn old V’s.
This request gets a super guilty look from High School Musical Kid, because thanks to him forging FBI Mom’s signature to his application, he’s now a proud member of Team Lizard. HSMK tells his mom okay, but that’s not good enough for FBI Mom. She points out she really wants him to promise because the V’s are cool and fun, and for all we know can buy beer and have the answers to the SAT’s but it’s very important to her that he stay away. All I can say about this little scene, is that if she wanted him to lie to her repeatedly, then she more then succeeded. High School Musical Kid tells her yet another whopper, and then heads upstairs to spend more time looking shifty and guilty in his room.
When High School Musical Kid gets up to his room, he closes the door, and pulls out his new prized possession, the Captain EO jacket he got for becoming a V Peace Ambassador. He paws that sweet, sweet rayon a couple of times and then hides the jacket under his bed, because (a) FBI Mom won’t find it, and thirdly, aliens dig wrinkles.
The true sign of an advanced civilization is polyester
We cut to the next morning when Soap Opera Priest finally rolls back in to Saint Josephine. The older priest there does a bang up job of not asking just where a priest might go that would require staying out until sunrise because he’s got to concentrate on watching the boob tube. This actually works out for all of us because thanks to a handy news clip we get to find out the V’s are angling for diplomatic recognition so they can get visas and go wandering around where ever they want to. The older priest thinks this is super because every time the V’s are in the news more people show up at mass. Soap Opera Priest is pretty much wiped out after a night of repeatedly almost getting killed by flying thingamajigs and decides to head up to his room and get into his penguin suit.
This is right when the older priest very casually mentions that the cops want to talk about the little bald dude who gave Soap Opera Priest those pictures of the V terrorists and then promptly dropped dead. Soap Opera Priest responds to this news with a look on his face like he is the new poster boy for spastic colons, but the older priest doesn’t notice because he’s already flipped over to The View to see what Whoopi will say next.
We cut back to FBI Mom who’s taking a well deserved shower to get the smell of dead partner and thingamajig off of her. This is right when the shower curtain gets pulled back. Remember her dead partner? Well he’s not so dead, and he’s got a gun to High School Musical Kid’s head and reminds FBI Mom she left her gun in his car; right before he shoots her.
Only it turns out he didn’t shoot her. Yeah, she imagined the whole scene, and gets snapped out of it by her cell phone going off. She leans out of the shower and answers her cell phone, because who doesn’t want to operate an electrical device while standing under a steady stream of water? It turns out the phone call is from her boss. He’s pissed because her partner never came home last night and his wife is freaking out, so FBI Mom’s boss wants her in the office five minutes ago so they can solve the case of the missing guest star. Why do I get the feeling FBI Mom is about to have one of the most all time unproductive days ever?
Meanwhile, The Steven Seagal Enabler is lying in bed with his now official fiancÃ©, and she’s telling him the sweet, sweet love they made off camera was great. He tells her it was better then great, and she gets a look on her face like the word great was used mainly out of politeness.
Better then great? Well I was able to balance my checkbook while we were doing it
Official FiancÃ© switches the conversation to the great big honking bandage that runs almost the entire length of The Steven Seagal Enabler’s arm. The SSE told her he got it moving a file cabinet, and Official Fiance believes him, mainly I’m guessing because of that shiny new engagement ring sitting on her finger. The Steven Seagal Enabler then heads into the bathroom, mainly to check out his “file cabinet” cut, but also to let us, the television audience, know he’s taking full advantage of that gym membership the producers got him.
Once he’s away from the prying eyes of Official Fiance, The Steven Seagal Enabler takes off his honking big bandage so we can see a really nasty cut that is barely held together by about 14 industrial strength band-aids, and totally exposing his creepy lizard skin. We hear Official Fiance tell The Steven Seagal Enabler through the door that there is some ointment in the medicine cabinet he can put on it. Arrrgh, what a maroon. That does it, her nickname from now on is Oblivia.
From there we cut to Bailey From Party of Five’s cube at the TV network, where he is watching the replay of his interview with Anna, where she rips off his baby bee-bees and uses them as click-clacks. His hot coworker comes in and tells Bailey to stop beating himself up over it.
(I asked for help with a nickname for this guy last week, and judging by the feedback I got, a lot of people still think of Scott Wolf as Bailey, which to me is kind of sad because the show went off the air nine years ago. Still, that character does seem to be the most obvious, err, character trait of this guy on this show, so I think will call him Bailey 2.0 from now on or unless somebody can come up with something better.)
We cut over to the alien mothership where Anna is trying on outfits. Well she’s standing in front of some high-tech whatjamacallit that shows holographic projections of her in new outfits. Her creepy gopher guy is standing on the corner with the look that apparently all males in the universe get when females try on clothes that the male didn’t buy at slutsware.com. We see Anna in a kimono and she tells creepy gopher guy that in Japan this outfit implies both submission and respect. Creepy Gopher Guy gets a little lippy and tells Anna those are definitely messages they don’t want to send. Oh no he didn’t! Anna turns around and saws him off at the knees telling Creepy Gopher Guy that he knows nothing about human behavior. Anna is so pissed at Creepy Gopher Guy’s obvious rookie mistake that yelled at my TV for him to compliment her shoes, but we cut away before we see if CGG can get himself out of the doghouse.
FBI Mom makes it into work and we get to watch here walk in the room in slow motion and see her looking at all her co-workers like they are a bunch of undercover lizards, mixed in with her looking maximally guilty for offing her partner. This bit comes to an end when her boss walks up. Well not her acting shifty and guilty, but doing it in slow motion. Her boss ushers her into a room where a bunch of other FBI types want to ask her a few questions.
Hi, just coming into work, and I so didn’t kill my partner last night. Is that fresh coffee?
Soap Opera Priest has gotten back into his penguin suit and is doing priestly stuff around the church when that cop shows up to ask him questions about the little bald dude who died in the pews yesterday. Only it turns out that it isn’t a local cop, it’s a pretty cute FBI agent.
Soap Opera Priest pretty much craps a dumbbell when she shows him her ID. He does manage to recover enough to ask her in a quivering voice why the FBI is investigating a local crime. Pretty Cute FBI Agent tells Soap Opera Priest that normally she wouldn’t be there, but it turns out the dearly departed once called the FBI and said the US was being invaded by Space Lizards. At the time they thought the little bald dude was just crazy, but with the Visitors in town, they have to run down all of these leads.
We then get to watch the camera ping pong back and forth between scenes of Soap Opera Priest and FBI Mom lying their butts off. The camera cuts back and forth again and again, it’s dizzying, magical, shoot if they had been wearing matching shower caps and had the theme to Raiders of the Lost Ark playing in the background, they could have represented the US in the Olympics if they ever make synchronized lying an event. Granted they’d never medal because Soap Opera Priest closes his eyes every time he tells a whopper and FBI Mom just can’t seem to get the dismount down, but it’s just an honor to represent your country.
Great Moments in Shifty Faces
All this fun stuff comes to a halt when FBI Mom’s boss gets a phone call. It turns out they found her partner’s car so they all head out, so FBI Mom can tell more lies in a completely different location.
When the FBI guys get over to the warehouse, FBI Mom suddenly decides to tell her boss that this place was a location in hers and her partner’s terrorist investigation. FBI Mom then quickly goes on to tell her boss that her partner must have gone over here alone and somehow disappeared. She doesn’t say it, but it’s pretty much implied that she for dang sure didn’t club her partner with a metal bar, or stab him with it, and she definietely didn’t club him and then stab him because that would be wrong.
FBI Mom’s boss is pretty steamed to get this news now instead of back at the office, but he has to go talk to some extras and wanders out of the shot. This gives FBI Mom the opportunity to go over and get into her partner’s car and get her gun and badge back before everyone finds out she’s suffering from fibberitis. She crawls around on the floor of the car and barely gets all her stuff back when her boss asks her if she found anything. When FBI Mom turns around she’s got her partner’s cell phone, which doesn’t make her boss very happy because he’s pretty sure he’s getting jerked around.
FBI Mom and her boss go in the warehouse and he’s pretty steamed, but instead of just confronting FBI Mom he just keeps making snide comments. FBI Mom calls him on it, because he is being a kind of jerk, of course she goes on to say that she’s super duper worried because her partner is out there somewhere and could be in trouble. We know this is a complete load of horse hockey, so we’re not that mad when her boss tells her to go out and find her partner in a sarcastic tone.
We break away from watching FBI Mom’s boss act like an angry teenage girl to watch Anna talk to countries on her big spaceship flat screens. First we see her in Japan, oh and the kimono plays, telling everyone thanks and super hugs for recognizing the V’s. We also see her pulling the same stunt in Mexico, but creepy gopher guy must have pulled a major league pout fest because she doesn’t wear the giant spring break sombrero.
And we are mucho happy-o that you gusto us. Mas margaritas poor favor. Wheeeee!
Back at the network Bailey 2.0 is watching the V’s on TV with his hot co-worker when she mentions that the V’s are really sweating getting the US on board with this recognition dealee, and 50% of the public is still undecided about it. This gives Bailey 2.0 an idea for dealing with the V’s. Well that or he just figured out how to press the top button in the elevator by himself, either way he’s looking pretty pleased with himself right now.
The Steven Seagal Enabler is getting ready to go out and start his day, but first Oblivia gives him the engagement ring back because she doesn’t want to have it because she found it; she wants The Steven Seagal Enabler to give it to her on his own. Awww, what a great attitude, she’s a keeper. How does The SSE respond to this cool development? By immediately lying to Oblivia and telling her he has to go out to Jersey for a meeting. Oblivia buys this, because well she’s completely oblivious to everything going on around her, hence the nickname. Sorry, sweet doesn’t always equal smart.
It must be after school now on the show because High School Musical Kid brings Less Attractive Sidekick down to the Team Lizard clubhouse to sign up for the Peace Ambassadors. Less Attractive Sidekick is totally impressed with High School Musical Kid forging his mom’s signature to get in, and High School Musical Kid just chalks it up to the way he rolls.
As soon as they clear the front door they just happen to run into Space Alien Bait, and she and High School Musical Kid indulge in a little brief session of googly eyes before Space Alien Bait takes Less Attractive Sidekick off to get his very own extra husky Captain EO jacket.
We cut back to the church, where Soap Opera Priest is throwing a hissy fit because he feels bad about lying to the cute FBI agent about the little bald dude bringing him those pictures. He feels so bad he spills his guts to the older priest, who tells him to keep his lips zipped on this one, because he could screw everything up between the V’s and our government at a critical time.
Over at the V’s Mothership Anna’s Creepy Gopher Guy is talking to some other V, and you know what? He’s creepy too. Awww, Creepy Gopher Guy has a friend. Well, not exactly, he and the other creepy guy are talking about the big warehouse rumble and trying to figure just who the humans were at the big warehouse rumble. The good news for us human types is even though the V’s are totally ahead of us in technology, their cameras are for poop. The pictures they got from their flying thingamajigs of death look like they were taken by your drunk aunt at Thanksgiving. Sure it’s kind of far fetched that they can fly around in giant TV’s/spaceships and heal guys in wheelchairs, but they can’t master technology that even Ashton Kutcher can. Then again, shitty pictures and boards are the only thing humanity has going for it right now on this show so I’m not going to complain too hard.
The race for mothership class clown this year is a dead heat
Okay, their pictures suck, but what the V’s do have going for them are these tables that kind of look big eggs cut in half. They’ve got some poor guy lying on one in his tighty whities who thinks he has snakes crawling all over his body. Of course he doesn’t have real snakes, the V’s are messing with his mind. The poor guy is freaking out, and who could blame him? Having snakes crawling over your body would feel exactly the same as hugging any cast member of The Real Housewives of Orange County. Yeah, a cheap joke, but I couldn’t help myself.
The Steven Seagal Enabler heads on out to Jersey and pulls into some auto repair place. He goes inside and tells this mechanic who is working under a car that he is looking for Angelo. Naturally the mechanic says he’s never heard of Angelo, and just as naturally when The Steven Seagal Enabler pulls the mechanic out from under the car, he’s holding on to Angelo.
FBI Mom rolls back into the office and it’s her turn to poop out a dumbbell because who should be sitting in the right in the middle of the office, but her old buddy/co-conspirator, Soap Opera Priest. Actually she poops out two dumbbells, one for SOP just being in her office, and the second for being a priest.
The fecal matter doesn’t really hit the fan until Soap Opera Priest tells FBI Mom that he’s come down to the Feds to spill the beans. FBI Mom totally flips her lid and is all set to tear into Soap Opera Priest when that cute FBI Agent wanders out into the office to get Soap Opera Priest for his non-lying-re-interview. Cute FBI Agent asks our heroes if they know each other, and of course Soap Opera Priest says yes, and FBI Mom says no. Sigh, you know the only way these two could look more guilty is if they had both worn their matching “We’re up to something” tee-shirts.
While mommy is trying to break the record for most lies in a work place environment not involving who ate a dozen donuts all by themselves (that one is going to have my name on it for a long, long, long time thank you very much.), High School Musical Kid is busy being a Peace Ambassador. Well Less Attractive Sidekick is handing out pamphlets like a mother humper, but High School Musical Kid is using this time to chat up Space Alien Bait.
High School Musical Kid shows her 45 pictures of his motorcycle and tells her when they let the V’s out he’ll take her out for pizza. Space Alien Bait gets super cold and asks why she would go anywhere with High School Musical Kid. This out of the blue question causes HSMK to freeze up and get a look of horror on his face, like somebody just told him Proactiv doesn’t really work. Luckily she smiles at High School Musical Kid, so we can all tell she was just kidding, and just to let HSMK know that she thinks he’s the bee’s knees Space Alien Bait takes a picture of herself with his camera phone.
I like you because you’re almost as pretty as me
This romantic moment gets broken up because some street toughs are pushing Less Attractive Sidekick around. Uh oh, it looks like HSMK is going to have to handle his bidness. Well, first High School Musical Kid tries being reasonable, but the street toughs aren’t buying that so High School Musical Kid has to give them a little taste from the whoopass can. HSMK clocks the head street tough and suddenly they get a lot more peaceful and wander off camera.
High School Musical Kid is pretty pleased with himself, but when he turns around Space Alien Bait is horrified that he got in a fight and stomps off. This leaves High School Musical Kid standing there with a look of complete confusion on his face. A look I think we are going to be seeing a lot of as the show goes on.
As curious as we all are to see how things get resolved on the intergalactic love front, we cut back to The Steven Seagal Enabler and his buddy Angelo. Angelo gets this box out, because it turns out he’s like a space doctor, and starts working on The Steven Seagal Enabler’s arm.
While this fun stuff is going on, The SSE tells Angelo he’s getting back in the fight against the V’s. Angelo tells him this is a bad idea, because whatever terrible thing the V’s have planned for the humans, it’s going to be doubly worse for good guy V’s like Angelo and The Steven Seagal Enabler. Angelo thinks The SSE should head for the hills to hide out. The Steven Seagal Enabler tells Angelo no can do because he’s in luvvvvv with Oblivia. Angelo thinks this is a dumb idea too, and that’s saying something because he hasn’t even met her yet. Angelo finishes up on The Steven Seagal Enabler’s arm and then The Steven Seagal Enabler gets all woozy. Oh Snapple! It looks like Angelo just slipped him a mickey. You see, this is why I never get my car repaired in Jersey, well that, and the fact I live in California, but it’s definitely one of my top two reasons.
We then cut back to the FBI offices. Soap Opera Priest is just about done with his being a good citizen for the show and is all set to leave. This is when FBI Mom shows up and wants to a have top secret meeting, in the middle of the hallway. Don’t worry though FBI Mom is all about security; she whispers to Soap Opera Priest for the entire time. I swear to friggin God there must be a draft of this script floating around where FBI Mom and Soap Opera Priest wear helmets and ride the short bus, because that’s the only explanation for this sustained level of stupidity.
Tell me about the rabbits George
Anyway, FBI Mom uses this valuable time to bitch out Soap Opera Priest for trying to tell people what is going on. She tells him again that he needs to just go home and forget any of this stuff ever happened, and then she stomps off.
FBI Mom promptly gets pulled into her boss’s office where he wants to listen to a recording. It’s of that screwed up 911 call she made the night before, and her boss knows it’s her voice. It looks like holding her hand over her mouth isn’t quiet the sure fire scrambler technique she thought it would be. Although, just for the record I thought it made her sound a lot like Ginger from Gilligan’s Island, but I don’t think that will help her with her boss right now.
FBI Mom’s boss tells her he wants to know what’s going on, and FBI Mom comes clean, kind of. She tells her boss she thinks her partner was working with a terrorist cell and she called 911 after following him to the warehouse last night. She doesn’t mention big lizards from outer space or killing people twice, which really helps her argument.
It turns out FBI Mom’s boss kind of believes her and not just because the script tells him to, but also because that 911 call he has a recording of wasn’t logged in. The only reason he got a copy is that the DEA was tapping all the pay phones around that warehouse. FBI Mom tells her boss she can prove her partner was a traitor, but she is going to need more time, and because she is one of the leads on the show and we’ve still got about 15 minutes of airtime to fill, her boss gives it to her.
We then go over to Bailey 2.0 who’s on TV and having a couple of talking heads in to have a debate on whether or not the good old USofA should trust the V’s, and guess who’s watching? Anna and her Creepy Gopher Guy. Creepy Gopher Guy looks super pissed, and Anna looks like someone who just had her checking account looted by the family dog, stunned but a little impressed.
From there we go back to the church, where Soap Opera Priest is unloading boxes. FBI Mom stops by and tells him she needs his help with the resistance. You know, the same resistance she’s been telling him all episode is over. Soap Opera Priest is a little irked at FBI Mom for showing up now after spending almost all of their screen time tonight telling him to forget that whole Resistance idea. FBI Mom brings up her dead partner for about the 23rd time tonight and they talk about whether the guy’s wife is a V and even if she would know anything her husband is doing, but Soap Opera Priest takes a pass on getting the Resistance back together. He tells FBI Mom he can help people best by doing what he’s doing now. Do you mean unpacking boxes Soap Opera Priest? Well, say what you want, but the guy does seem to know his limitations.
Well okay, that didn’t work out so hot for FBI Mom, but she’s not a quitter. She goes right out and meets with her partner’s wife and the have a good long talk about the dearly departed, err I mean FBI Mom’s missing partner. FBI Mom tells her partner’s wife they found her husband’s cell phone, but there weren’t any calls on it to her. Her partner’s wife explains to FBI Mom that her partner had two cell phones, one for business and one for personal calls. It gets better, because Partner’s Wife just happened to be going through her husband’s records a while back and found his phone bills for his personal phone line. There are calls on there to his wife, but it also shows FBI Mom’s partner was making a mess of calls to this other phone number. Partner’s wife then comes down with a case of the sniffles because it’s obvious her husband was up to something, but now that we got this big clue we don’t really care about that, and the scene ends.
We then get a quick cut to The Steven Seagal Enabler waking up on the floor of that garage in Jersey. Angelo the space doctor/mechanic is long gone, and when The Steven Seagal Enabler figures this out, he books too.
We go back to the FBI office where FBI Mom is showing her boss the phone records and even though they can’t trace that number, FBI Mom is able to prove that her partner was calling this number right before all of those raids they went on where they didn’t find anything. FBI Mom’s boss is pretty bummed out to find out her partner was a traitor and is worried that he’s still out wandering around. FBI Mom tells him not to worry, because she is pretty sure they won’t be seeing her partner ever again. Yeah FBI Mom, driving an iron bar through somebody’s chest and then watching their body get carted away by space aliens can give you a certain level of certainty in these situations I guess.
The Steven Seagal Enabler gets home and is looking for Oblivia, but she isn’t around. The phone is ringing and when he picks it up, it’s his old buddy Angelo. Angelo tells him he’s sorry he slipped The Steven Seagal Enabler that ruffi, but Angelo just can’t trust him. After laying out his trust issues, Angelo then tells The Steven Seagal Enabler that he really needs to dump Oblivia, but The SSE is still like no way Jose because he’s in love. Oh and The Steven Seagal Enabler says he can protect Oblivia, so he’s not going anywhere. Angelo then rattles off pretty much every personal detail about Oblivia’s life. The Steven Seagal Enabler gets a little cranky and asks if Angelo did anything to his sweet baboo. Angelo tells him no, but points out if he could find out all this stuff in about an hour the bad V’s could too, and The Steven Seagal Enabler doesn’t even want to think about what those super bad dudes would do to her. Even The Steven Seagal Enabler can see Angelo is giving him the straight poop and The Steven Seagal Enabler then looks very concerned. Well that, or that burrito he had for lunch just isn’t sitting right. Either way, when we cut away he’s looking off camera with his face scrunched up.
While this is going on, High School Musical Kid is over at the V clubhouse all mopy because they won’t let him inside. Sapce Alien Bait comes out and he finds out the Council is thinking about kicking him out for rumbling with the street toughs. Oh and Space Alien Bait isn’t too happy with him either because she could be in trouble for recommending him for the Peace Ambassadors. Yep, they are thinking of kicking out High School Musical Kid for being too much of a badass, now stop laughing, because if you don’t I’ll start and will never get out of this recap.
Anyway, High School Musical Kid responds to this news by asking what he has to do to make it right, because he’ll do anything Space Alien wants him to. Yep, typical bad ass behavior all right.
Bailey 2.0 gets called up to the alien mothership and Anna’s Creepy Gopher Guy is steaming. Bailey 2.0 doesn’t really care and gets a pretty good zinger in on the guy, before he points out to Anna that even though he had some people on his show who said some bad things about the V’s, in the end he was able to shift the public opinion polls in their favor. Anna is pretty impressed by this fact. Bailey 2.0 then lets the V’s know he’s willing to help them, but on his terms, and then he struts off camera.
Yeah, I would have liked to see Jennifer Love Hewitt pull that one off
Okay, so all that boohooing Bailey 2.0′s been doing about being used by the V’s, it really boils down to he didn’t like being treated like a stooge. I think it’s safe to say we can upgrade Bailey 2.0′s character from kind of douchey, to completely douchey.
He then get another one of those cuts where we see Bailey 2.0 on TV telling everyone how the US just gave the V’s diplomatic recognition. Older Priest is watching it on TV, and of course he thinks this is super news. Soap Opera sees it and makes his 68th I just pooped myself face of the episode. Actually, that’s been pretty much his go to facial expression for tonight, and if I hadn’t already nicknamed him Soap Opera Priest, I’d be toying with High Colonic right about now.
FBI Mom comes out of work that night and Soap Opera Priest is waiting for her. Yeah, after Bailey 2.0′s news flash he’s totally on board with getting the band back together, or in this case the resistance. This is good news for FBI Mom, because while she was off camera she swiped an FBI list of anyone who ever called in with tips about space lizards. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again; on camera FBI Mom is Inspector Clouseau. Off camera? Sherlock F@&king Holmes. Anyway she and Soap Opera Priest wander off to make some plans and hopefully not break up in the next 10 minutes.
Hey good news, Oblivia didn’t get abducted. She’s home from a long day at the lunatic asylum and wants to take a look at The Steven Seagal Enabler’s arm, which is now almost completely healed. Say what you want about Angelo and his weakness for mickey slipping, the guy is a hell of a space doctor, and he can adjust the timing belt on a 04 Taurus, not too shabby.
And he does mufflers too
It’s then that Oblivia, the same woman who doesn’t know she’s living with a space lizard, notices a picture is upside down on the mantle on the other side of the room, and when she goes over to turn it right side up a card falls out with a guy’s name on it. The Steven Seagal Enabler comes over and tells her the guy on the card is just somebody he used to know. Used to know? Even Oblivia gets a “are you pooping me” look on her face with that one, but she doesn’t make a fuss, because, well she’s Oblivia.
Speaking of oblivious, FBI Mom stops by High School Musical Kid’s room to give him a pep talk about how happy she is that he’s been staying away from the V’s. You know, when FBI Mom says stuff like this it makes me worry that if the birds eat her trail of bread crumbs, she’ll never be able to find her way back to work. Anyway, after establishing yet again that she has no idea what her kid is doing, FBI Mom exits stage left. This works out good for High School Musical Kid, because he can go back to mooning over his picture of Space Alien Bait. The End?
Not quite. We go back up to the alien mothership, and they have FBI Mom’s partner in one of those big half egg tables. He’s just lying there, dead when all of a sudden, he opens his eyes. Sorry, but this needs to be said. HE’S ALIVE! Okay, now The End.
I now dub thee Denthead
The one thing I’m kind of enjoying on this show is the sense of paranoia. When FBI Mom was walking into work and looking at all of her co-workers trying to figure out which one was the big space lizard I thought that was pretty cool. I’m also trying to figure out who are the V’s on the show we don’t know about yet. I think it’s pretty much a lock that Older Priest is a Visitor and I wouldn’t be surprised if Bailey 2.0′s hot co-worker was one too. I don’t know if the show’s writers would go this way, but I think if Oblivia turned out to be a V that would be an awesome twist. And it would also make up for her being one of the most clueless characters on TV in 2009.
Also, am I the only one who’d like to see more of the V’s on this show? Bad guys are always more interesting then good guys in stories, and given this batch of particular good guys I think we could use all of the more interesting on this show that we can get.
Oh, and I really appreciated the 4400 reference the writers threw in with the warehouse address at the beginning.
Thanks to everyone who commented on last week’s post. Naturally I appreciated the positive comments because it is nice to hear that people like what I’m doing, and the negative comments are appreciated too, for no other reason then they tend to keep me honest as a writer.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by and we’ll talk next week