Vampire Diaries Recap: The End of An Affair recap

Alright you guys! Hey! Hi! If you’re following me on twitter you’ll know that I managed to land myself in the hospital again. I’m on an IV and a little woozy, but I love you guys and wanted you to know happened last night, so let’s do this thing! Yesterday, the Vampire Diaries was really, really good! And dark! Not content wise, not so much. I’m talking the lighting. It was really, really dark. I almost stubbed my toe watching this episode. This recap might be totally wrong since I couldn’t see squat, but you know. It might be right.

And also, I prove my theory correct.

This is the first time that I’m writing as I watch the episode the first time around, so let’s see how this works out.

Let’s begin before the morphine does its delicious work!

o o o

Damon is pouring a drink when his phone rings.

Heeheeeheee. Katherine! I love this girl. I love how she’s just apparently been chillin where ever she is and was like ‘Let me call up that crazy town Mystic Falls, see if Elena has killed everyone yet.’ Damon asks her where she is and she replies with “Lurking outside your window, pining away” and then laughs. Ugh, I love her. She blatantly just mocked how he held out loving her for over one hundred years and blew him off in under five seconds. She asks what’s the happs and Damon tells her Stefan is still insane, Elena still thinks she can save him even though she is also insane, and also no one has thought of Katherine since she’s left.

Lies! I spent all summer lurking outside of her window and pining.

Awesomely, Katherine asks what’s up with him – he must be clicking his heels together, seeing as how Stefan is gone and he’s undoubtedly found a master plan to get into Elena’s knickers. Damon says he hasn’t given up on Stefan, he just doesn’t know where the sonovabitch is. Katherine hums and Damon’s mind clicks – she knows where he is. He asks if she’s trailing them and Katherine basically calls him stupid – why in the world would she trail people who want her dead. Does she look like Elena? (Don’t answer that.) She says that she’s as far away as she could possibly be and Damon confirms that in that case she must know exactly where they are. She lets him know that Klaus lost his mind when he realized his hybrids weren’t working and that he’s on the hunt for answers.

He asks how she knows this and she says being around as long as she has, she’s acquired some allies. Bitterly he asks if she’s using said allies to look after Stefan and she ignores his raging anger and jealousy to pout that she doesn’t know what she’s doing – she’s conflicted; she’s so used to being awful, but she does really love Stefan.

Damon huffs and asks her to tell him where Stefan is

o o o

They are in Chicago!

Klaus is all ‘welcome back, remember when you tore this mother apart?’ And Stefan says ‘eh, kinda sorta. It was all a blood soaked haze.’ Klaus chuckles and says a line so awkwardly worded about the details meaning everything that he only gets away with because he is Klaus.

FLASHBACK!

(I feel like I’m the only one who loves TVD flashbacks. I hate them nearly everywhere else, except here.) But this flashback is weird? Klaus is narrating it like he’s the most terrifying version of Jim Dale ever. I don’t know, it’s was a little jarring – if he’s talking to Stefan why is he saying it like that and if he’s talking to us, why the hell does he know we’re here. I didn’t like it. Whatevs.

It’s the roaring 20’s and Klaus says some stuff about Stefan being a ripper and getting lonely, and we zoom into Stefan nailing some broad in the back of a T-Model. Oh wait! He was killing her buy sucking the blood from her throat! I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I pass a foggy car I always knock on the window and give a thumbs up. Imagine how horror stricken you would be to see that instead! When he’s done, Stefan takes the little white flower from her hair, tucks it into his lapel, and wipes his mouth off. He steps out of the car all shady like, fixes his tux jacket like a boss, and wipes the corners of his mouth again.

Listen, maybe it’s because I’m on an IV and my brain gets muddled when I’m being pumped with drugs of the finest nature, but did it look like he just finished giving a blowjob to anyone else?

Because the 1920’s was easily the sexiest year after the fifties, Stefan knocks on one of those doors where they slide the panel out, check you out, and then let you in. Julie Plec or whoever the hell is trying to kill me with awesomeness. He walks down a short brick hallway into a BEAUTIFUL room where music is playing, and fancy ladies are dancing, and there are beautiful dresses, and makeup, and suits and champagne, and I am dying at how wonderful this all is. Why the hell don’t we look, and dress, and act like this anymore! This > everything Lady Gaga manages to scrounge out of the fabric store dumpster and wrap around her frail body.

Some fierce black woman is singing and Stefan seems to know her. I cross my fingers because she is too fabulous to die, damnit. Here’s to hoping she’s a witch! He goes to snatch the last drink from a passing waiter, but some woman gets to it first. Stefan is sarcastic when he tells her to just take whatever she wants and she answers that she always does. Then she gets real close, licks his lips, and says that he’s still wearing his date. Enchanted, he asks her who she is put she just puts her white glove clad finger against her ruby red lips and says ‘sssssh.

PRESENT DAY!

“Chicago is magical.” Klaus is still talking like he thinks he’s narrating a movie. Who wrote his dialogue this episode? Fire them! Or maybe, you know, this is what he always does – he’s a thousand years old and clearly a little loopy. Maybe he does this all the time around his mansion, naked, and dripping blood, talking to clocks and china as if he were the Beast and the person narrating what the Beast does and says, and we’re just seeing it now.

Rehire that person!

Stefan is all like ‘yeah whatever, can I go home now? You’re experiment failed and you obvs don’t need me around anymore.’ Klaus says that he’s here to find his favorite witch. If anyone will know what the crap is going on it will be her.

I love how we’re all pretending Klaus isn’t keeping Stefan around because he’s just waiting for the right time to confess his feelings. Fine, TVD! I’ll pretend! But you can’t run forever. And by that, I mean I will spend most of this recap convincing everyone else of my theory.

o o o

Elena is sleeping and Damon is listening to her breathe (totally felt like Stefanie Meyer just now.) She rolls over and lands on his chest, wakes up, and freaks the hell out. Alaric does not come in to see why she’s screaming. I’m just throwing that in there, just in case you fell for that crap last week and thought he was there to protect anybody. She asks Damon why the hell she’s in his bed at 6 am in the morning. He’s all ‘fine; I was coming here to make you come with me on an ill thought out rescue-mission for Stefan but if you don’t wanna…’

She tells him to wait up a second. Where is Stefan? Damon says the windy city and jokes that it all came to him a dream in which he was naked and she would have loved it. Yeah she would.

He tells her to get packed. She asks him Stefan is okay, and Damon says that Stefan definitely isn’t there to see Oprah. (But you can see it though right? Stefan meeting Oprah? You know he’s been in her studio audience at least twice.) He starts to go through her underwear drawer and when he finds some sexy red undies, declares that she put it in the Yes pile. She glares, he leaves, and off camera she puts it in the Definitely pile.

o o o

Caroline is still chained up! She’s yelling for her Daddy and asking why he won’t talk to her. But then some mist starts coming through the grates and she starts coughing. In comes Horn Rims and he says that he’s so sorry that she’s been turned into a vampire. And also, how does she walk in the sunlight? She asks him to let her go. He asks her again, and she tells him it’s the ring. He takes it off and throws it away into the dirt. Why did she tell him?! I get it, it’s her dad and she trusts him, but that’s the first mistake – never trust your parents! He starts talking about how it was her ancestors how built this little room. He says everyone thought it was for prisoners, but nope, it was for vampires. There’s vevain in the vents, enforced steel containment chair, and a window.

Caroline looks horror struck and asks him what he’s going to do to her. He holds a bag of blood in front of her face, and when the veins come out, says blood is what controls her. Then he goes on to say that this is how he’s going to fix her. She confused at first, but then it’s replaced by utter, total pain when he opens the huge window to let the sunlight blister her back.

o o o

Road trip y’all! Remember these?? Probably not. The last time Elena and Damon were on one he still had a full set of balls. Damon (who is super passive aggressive this episode) is all ‘hope we find Stefan – it would suck if all you had to remember him by was that damn necklace we keep giving back to you and shoving down the audience’s throat.’ She says that the necklace is an antique just like him. He hands her an old weathered book and says it’s a detailed account of how badass Stefan was back in the day. Elena, because she is boring, says she’s not going to read her boyfriend’s diary.

Can I say this – you know how I always joke that Elena is crazy? Well, she’s really heading there for real this time. Her boyfriend is a murderer. More than once he has gone crazy and killed someone. Yeah, he has a good heart and all that junk, but he rips people apart, literally, and puts them back together while stroking their blood-soaked hair. It is a fact that she is just glossing over. And yeah, okay, extenuating circumstances – he’s a vampire, give him a break. I’d agree with that if it weren’t for the fact that being a vampire just amps up the personality one already has. While Damon drinks blood and sometimes kills folks, he’s kinda been pushed into that since Katherine broke his mind, heart, soul, etc, etc. What the hell is Stefan’s excuse? Everyone loves him and everyone wants to be his friend. And he says he can’t drink human blood at all or he’ll go insane. Why?? Loads of vampires drink and don’t go buck wild. Plain and simple, dude has control issues. Take away the vampire stuff and Stefan is a human who will gorge himself on something- ice cream, cake, human remains. But this is after he’s held all his frustrations in and has snapped. Those human remains he’s eating are yours. Stefan is that nice guy down the block who got off of death row for good behavior. Yeah he’s sweet, but dude was on death row. Do not date him.

Back to the show. Damon says Elena needs to be prepared for what she’s about to see and she’s all ‘whatever. I’ve seen Stefan’s face soaked in blood, and howling at the trees. Remember that one town party when he dragged that girl out to the forest to listen to him rant?’ Damon’s like this isn’t even close to that.

Damon snatches the book and reads in a hilarious dramatic voice about how Stefan woke up from a black out surrounded by lady bodies he doesn’t remember. He gasps and is shocked that Stefan isn’t a virgin and Elena snatches the book, tells him to keep his eyes on the road, and reads it herself.

FLASHBACK!

We’re back in that pretty room. There’s a champagne tower that I am so jelly of.

Every time I try to do this at home, everything turns out a mess! Shattered glass and Welch’s sparkling grape juice everywhere! Feisty blonde lady is dancing, but can’t hear the music because Stefan and his idiot friends are all laughing loudly in the corner and doing shots. She storms over and tells them to shut the hell up and Stefan is basically a jerk to her. And as I find myself more and more attracted to him in this ugly moment, I rap my own fingers, because c’mon, Ryan. Stop liking jerks! She stokes his face and tells him that it will take more than a baby face like his (she’s blind, probably) to offend her. He rushes after her and asks what her name is and she says he has to earn it. She tells him to stick a sock in it so feisty black lady (Gloria) can sing. I’m calling that Gloria is a witch. She’s black and not dead yet. That is all I have to go on, but I think I’d win money on this bet.

PRESENT DAY!

We’re in the same bar, and out comes Gloria, looking fine. Stefan is like shouldn’t you be dead and she’s like ‘I’m a witch. I can slow down aging. Also, I’m black and you didn’t kill me back then so you knew this day was coming, sir.’ Klaus gives Gloria the sexy eye and tells Stefan to go fix them up a drink. Stefan tries not to let his jealousy show and says yeah sure. He slumps away and Klaus tells Gloria she looks hot. And she really does. I hope I look that great when I’m 21.

She tells him to suck it. She says she knows why he’s here – he can’t make hybrids. She informs him that most spells have loop holes, but this one is so old that she would need to contact the original witch who cast it to know what the deal is. Klaus says that the original witch is really, really dead and Gloria says of course she is. She says Klaus needs to bring him Rebekah. He doesn’t look too happy with that and says that Rebekah is preoccupied but Gloria isn’t budging; Rebekah has what she needs.

The whole time Stefan has been listening but is distracted. He yanks a photo off the wall and asks, a little panicked, what the hell is going on. He turns the old black and white picture over and we see it is himself and Klaus so many years ago, arms slung around each other and grinning.

o o o

Oh. Liz. It’s you.

She’s on the phone leaving a message on Caroline’s phone, but just then Tyler knocks on the door.

o o o

Caroline is still being burned and it’s incredibly painful to see and hear. Caroline, I’m sorry! Horn Rims Daddy closes the blinds again; she swears that she doesn’t hurt anyone and can handle her urges. He says that if that were the case her eyes wouldn’t bug out when he holds a bag of blood in her. He says he’s conditioning her – by associating blood and vampire instincts with pain she will be able to turn away from it. She tells him that’s impossible and says that she can’t change who she is. He says that he can and Caroline’s face is so sad!

He opens the blinds again.

o o o

Elena and Damon are in a not so fancy apartment building and snobby Elena is all, he lived here? Damon laughs and says that there was an all girl’s school around the corner that shut down because there were attendance issues. HAHHAHA! HAHA! That made me laugh, a lot.

LOOK AT WHO YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR ELENA.

( Just in case any of you were wondering : from Virginia to Chicago is thirteen hours straight with no traffic lights, pee breaks, or gas breaks. )

Elena starts into her defense of her dangerous lover, but Damon shushes her and lets her into the ‘second life’ Stefan apartment. I like it. I’d live there. Especially when Damon goes to a bookcase that is actually a door to a closet. He pulls it open and at first all we see shelves of alcohol. Elena scoffs ‘oooh, he hid is alcohol, what a monster.’ But Damon tells her to come closer. Upon further inspection there is a wall covered in names.

In tiny print. Utterly covered from top to bottom. They are all his victims. The camera does some kind of Saw thing where it flashes, and screeches, and we hear people screaming in pain.

ELENA GET BACK IN THE CAR AND GO BACK HOME.

Oh lord. Want to know what she does instead? She laugh-cries and attacks Damon. What the hell was he doing during the 1920’s? It sure as hell wasn’t building secret cabinets and writing his victims’ names on the hidden walls and laughing manically. He says he was around, and may have fed from a few people, but Stefan was a cocky, ripper, douche bag. Sure Damon killed a few folks, but he wasn’t doing this shit.

He says he’s going to go look for Stefan. Elena says she’s coming with and he says ‘nope. You stay here where you know all the evil stuff that went down, take in the coppery sent wafting from the floorboards, and come up with an actual plan.’

Is it terrible that I’d still live in this apartment even if I found that wall?

It’s really nice.

o o o

Stefan and Klaus are walking. Stefan is all ‘why didn’t you tell me we hooked up before?’ and Klaus is like ‘You did some crazy stuff that night and you might be a little ashamed. You never wondered how you learned to do that thing with your-‘ Stefan cuts him off and demands real answers. Klaus says he and Stefan didn’t start out to well – he actually hated Stefan.

FLASHBACK!

Stefan is biting some lady’s neck along with feisty, blonde woman who it turns out is Rebekah. They pull away and make out while lady bleeds out behind them. Stefan says Rebekah’s necklace is really pretty and she says a witch gave it to her because it’s magic. He asks if it really is and she says it must be – it brought her love! They kiss some more.

Klaus comes up and tells Rebekah they’re leaving. She tells him to leave her alone and when Stefan jumps to defend her honor she tells him that Klaus will kill him. Klaus checks Stefan out and says his hair is funny. HEHEHEHHEHEHE. He tells Rebekah that he’s bored, and wants to leave, but she tells him to go without her – she’s not his lady. He says she’s sure not, but she’s his sister and she better get her narrow behind in the car.

PRESENT DAY!

Stefan is reeling at the fact that he’s managed to kind of date two Original vampires. Oh, this whole time they’re walking in a storage unit where all the caskets are arranged. Klaus goes to Rebekah’s and opens it up. I think she’s wearing the same dress that she was in the flashback. Did he kill her that night? Dang. Klaus is such a brat.

Stefan says he doesn’t recognize her and Klaus says not to mention that little tidbit as he yanks the dagger out.

They wait and wait, and Stefan demands again that Klaus tell him why he’s still here. Klaus says it’s because he has many useful talents. Ugh, want… to make joke… so badly… But I won’t lower myself to the easy grab! Klaus steps close, and says that he learned some of his favorite tricks from Stefan.

Stop baiting me!

FLASHBACK!

Rebekah and Stefan are on one side of the table, and sprawled on the other side is Klaus. He’s doing the big bro thing and is asking why Stefan thinks he’s good enough to date his sister. Stefan asks where the rest of the family is and Klaus causally says he killed them. Rebekah corrects with not all of them, and Stefan asks if she’s okay with all of this. Rebekah states that they all had a chance to choose a side and she chose the right one eventually.

You know this might seem shocking to us, but think about it – It’s Originals – they are in each other’s face all the time, for the rest of eternity, and are basically immortal. You always want to kill your brother and sister for being annoying, but this family actually can without any serious repercussions. This whole dagger thing is the equivalent of a nookie to us. I hope we see Klaus’ daddy soon. I want him to tell us how he made this whole thing happen.

Some man storms up to the table and demands to know where his wife is, and Stefan is all ‘no idea, bro.’ Angry man says he’s going to call the police and all three of them ooooh and mock him. Klaus does this adorable guffaw. Hehe.

Soon the guy’s wife (Lila) passes by and her husband grabs her to go leave, but Stefan Compels them to sit down.

He makes the guy watch as he pulls out a knife and slits her wrist over an empty champagne glass. The man is horrified, but this is the moment Klaus realizes he’s met his life partner. He watches as Stefan tells Lila to go bandage her wrist and he slides the glass over to her husband. Husband calls them freaks but Stefan just relaxes back and Compels him to drink the blood. He mocks, and jeers, and they laugh while Klaus pitches a tent.

PRESENT DAY!

Klaus is telling Stefan he was his ‘biggest’ fan. He tells the guard on duty to tell Rebekah when she wakes up where to find him and then let her drain him of his blood. Guard nods (my big acting break ma!) and they walk away as Stefan peppers Klaus with questions. Why should he believe him? How does he know Klaus inst’ lying. Klaus says he doesn’t have to believe him – he trusted Klaus with one of his deepest secrets and he’s going to prove it. They’re heading over to his Stefan’s old apartment.

Oh snap! Oh snap! Klaus had been to the apartment!! Probably that night!! Where they shared deep dark secrets!!! Like they do at slumber parties!!!!

What? You thought I was going to worry about ol’ whatsherface? Nah. In case you haven’t noticed, I am trying to prove to you that Klaus in Stefan are in love. You know. Important things!

o o o

Damon is in the club that Stefan and Klaus just vacated not so long ago and he checks out Gloria. He says if he knew she was going to turn out so fine that he woulda stuck around. I agree! She really is really pretty. Unlike Klaus, she greets Damon warmly and says she always liked him better than Stefan, who is still acting a fool. He asks if she’s seen him and she says yup, with Klaus still. She tells him that Klaus is doing her an errand and even though Damon asks politely what kind of errand, she turns him down – he may be super cute but he’s still a vampire. But she does tell him that they will be back later on tonight.

o o o

In this extremely dark room I think Elena is reading a book. Wow, Nikki Hughes is right. This is getting really ridiculous. What if I were one of those people who could only see in shadows, KWills? You don’t have enough light to cast any! I feel oppressed. Yeah, okay, I was right – from the voice over, she’s reading his diary. It’s all about dead Lexi who got him to drink animal blood and laugh. Elena, being Elena, laughs along with him and forgets about the list of names right behind her. She closes the book just in time to hear Klaus and Stefan coming into the apartment. She hides in the crazy closet as soon as they come in. Klaus immediately says someone is here, but Stefan says it’s been empty for decades, people probably squat all the time. Klaus accepts this.

Can we talk about how vampire hearing works? Because I have no idea how it does. One minute Klaus is deaf to three raucous people walking up an empty hill in a forest, and the next he can hear a quiet heartbeat of the human next to him, and now he can’t hear Elena’s heart chugging away just a few feet away from him? Can someone explain how this works? Thanks!

Stefan asks why they are here and Klaus says that that night that Stefan insisted the husband tell him his name he was interested as to why Stefan wanted to know so badly. That’s when Stefan told him about his ritual of writing names on the wall. In the closet, Elena looks straight that the husbands name (Liam Grant) and shits herself. In the main room, Klaus is telling Stefan how he would look at each name and relive each kill. Like when Dahmer would relive each kill when he ate a body part. You know, since they are both serial killers. Elena, if I cared more about you, I’d scream at you, but for now I’m watching you with a dull look on my face whilst eating the tater chips my buddy sneaked into the hospital for me.

Klaus opens the closet door and allows Stefan to walk inside on his own while he inspects the room.

Once inside, Stefan sees Elena and they have this heartwarming, silent, staring moment. Well, it’s supposed to be heartwarming. I guess it would be more effective if she wasn’t clutching his secrets to her chest and the back drop wasn’t a list of his victims.

My lord.

And then he ‘shouts look what I found.’ Elena’s heart beats out of her chest, but he’s only tempting Klaus with his favorite malt. Klaus growls that he loves this malt, naughty memories coloring his voice, and steps all close and – oh my God, I cannot be the only one who sees this.

He takes the bottle and says they need to go find someone to pair this with and walks out. Stefan laughs to himself and closes the closet door.

o o o

Elena is hiding… in plain sight? What? No really, she’s shivering and crying in the middle of the room holding a vervain gun instead of still huddled in that closet when Damon comes. She cries and asks where he was, she called him an hour ago. He throws a bag at her and says that she needs to make herself presentable. He knows where Stefan is going to be tonight.

She’s flabbergasted that Damon isn’t more horrified/surprised that she managed to almost get herself killed again, and Damon is great. He says he had a full hour (which is more than enough at this point) to process that it was a bad idea to leave her alone and he has moved on. He asks if she’s okay, she says yeah, and he tells her to go take a shower.

He tells her that he will distract Klaus and she will talk to Stefan, and she has five minutes tops to convince him to come home. She assures him that she can do it.

I… am… not so sure.

o o o

Back at Gloria’s club, and Klaus tells Gloria that Rebekah is on her way. Stefan turns to Klaus and says this is why he wanted him around – because he liked the way he tortured people’ Klaus says that is half of it and Stefan wants to know the other half. The other half is that Stefan used to want to be his best friend and Klaus kinda, sorta misses it. Aw!

FLASHBACK!

Klaus and Stefan are drinking and Stefan is raging about how awesome Klaus is – how wonderful Klaus is, how the members of his family are just jealous and secretly they want to be Klaus, because Klaus is the bomb. Klaus is hangdog and says that he is an abomination of a hybrid, but Stefan clasps his shoulder, leans in, and whispers that Klaus is a king.

Klaus falls deeper in love. He tells Stefan they are a right pair. He tells Stefan that his sister fancies him, but Stefan should watch out because she’s totally mad. Then he tells him that when Rebekah eventually leaves him, not to let his heart do anything stupid. Stefan toasts Klaus and says that he’s happy he’s met him.

PRESENT TIME!

Klaus and Stefan are toasting to friendship in the bar.

o o o

Caroline! Aw poor honey. She is still in that chair and Horn Rims Daddy is telling Caroline that he sat down and cried when Carol told him his baby had turned into a vampire. Caroline says weakly that she’s okay and doesn’t need to be fixed. She is handling this REALLY, REALLY well.

He says he needs her to try her best to not vamp out when she sees a bag of blood. He holds it in front of her face and she resists for a while, but eventually fails. She cries and asks why he’s doing this to her and he forces out that he doesn’t want to have to kill her so this is the only way.

Caroline apologizes to him. He says the sun is going down, strokes her hair, and says they will try again tomorrow. He steps outside only to see Liz holding a gun on him. She tells him to let Caroline go, but he says he needs to do this because they both love Caroline. She ignores him and calls Tyler who hurries down the stairs to go inside the room. Horn Rims tries to stop Tyler, but Liz shoots at him and he lets Tyler pass.

He uses his were-strength to break Caroline free and puts her ring back on her finger before fireman lifting her out of there. Will these two get married already?

o o o

Stefan and Klaus are drinking. A little woozy, Stefan asks why the heck weren’t they friends this whole time. Why does he only know Klaus as the guy who tried to rid Mystic Falls of Elena? Klaus purrs that all good things must come to an end.

FLASHBACK!

Stefan is dancing with Rebekah as Klaus watches on, surly. All of a sudden the police bust in shooting up the joint. What the hell? What kind of policemen- there are bullets flying everywhere! I thought that only happened in New York bars – it happened in Chicago too? Policemen have always been terrible, I guess.

Stefan and Rebekah duck behind the bar where he discovers that these are actually wooden bullets. (Which still – you shoot me with a metal bullet and a wooden one and I promise you I won’t know the difference. And we are already aware that there are humans here.) Rebekah looks terrified and says that means He’s here, and runs out to meet Klaus, who is telling her it is time to go. She drops her necklace on the way out.

Stefan is about to follow after them, but Klaus stops him. He Compels him to forget that he ever knew Rebekah and himself and says it was nice to have a brother again. Klaus disappears and Stefan is left dazed and confused.

PRESENT TIME!

Klaus says it was time for he and Rebekah to move on and have a clean slate. Stefan asks why but puts it together himself – Klaus wouldn’t have to cover himself if he wasn’t running from someone. Damn! Everyone is running from someone, even Klaus! Life lesson right here. Kinda. I really don’t know.

Klaus tells him to leave it. And Stefan does, because he sees Damon out of the corner of his eye. Damon nods to a shady location and Stefan excuses himself, saying he needs to feed. Klaus allows it.

Outside, Stefan bashes Damon against a car and asks what the hell he thinks he’s doing. Damon turns it right back and asks what is Stefan doing – one day he’s killing lovely news anchors and the next he’s saving Damon. He needs to pick if he’s good or evil. Stefan tells him that Klaus nearly found Elena today and Damon needs to get her out of here and Damon is like he’s tried (not at all, not that hard, not really, no,) but she won’t give up until Stefan is in therapy. Elena is too much too handle. Its times like these that it really hits me how much she is.

Stefan tells Damon that the reason the hybrid dealy isn’t working out is because Elena isn’t dead and Sexy Gloria is seconds away from figuring that mess out. Damon tells Stefan to tell Elena that himself (can I just point out Stefan is yelling this whole thing. And Klaus can’t hear? What the-) Anyway, clip to Elena standing there, looking for all the world like she’s not making anyone’s life harder than it needs to be.

o o o

Back inside the club, Damon sits next to Klaus and Klaus calls him riff raff. In response: “Oh honey, I’ve been called worse.”

Best line of the show to date I think. Right after, “Katherine isn’t getting dick,” and “Shut up, Damon.”

Klaus says that Damon really is super stubborn, and Damon says all he wants is his brother back and he’ll go away. Klaus says that he’s torn – he promised Stefan that he wouldn’t kill Damon, but just how many freebies is he supposed to give Damon? He says its obvious Damon wants to die and sarcastically Damon calls himself a thrill seeker.

Klaus chokes Damon.

That was way less than five minutes.

o o o

Outside, Stefan is telling Elena she shouldn’t be here. She asks where else would she be and he asks what she wants. She tells him to come home. How do you expect him to do this Elena? Is it just me or is she being EXTRA ridiculous this season. I hope Julie Plec and KWills write in her early onset dementia soon, because that is the only explanation as to how she can continually act this way. She hugs him and goes to vervain shoot him in the back, but he stops her by grabbing her arm and she gasps.

BREAK HER ARM, STEFAN. BREAK IT.

He growls and says how clear does he have to make it that he doesn’t want to come home?

o o o

Inside, Klaus is choking the hell out of Damon. He uses a paper umbrella with a wooden handle to stab all over Damon’s chest, accidentally on purpose missing his heart over and over again. I never realized that a tiny umbrella could be so deadly!

Hah, I’m kidding. Been down that road.

Through a crushed windpipe, Damon smiles and says that he’s way more fun than Stefan so Klaus should pick him to be his partner in crime. At the mere thought of sending his lovely away again, Klaus snaps and throws Damon into some tables. He breaks the leg off of a table and says Damon won’t be much fun once he’s dead, but Gloria sets the stake on fire and Klaus drops it.

But not cause she doesn’t want Damon not dead – she will be damned if they do this shit in her bar. She tells them to take it outside. Gloria is awesome.

He glares at Damon and says that he doesn’t have to try and negotiate Stefan’s freedom – once he is done with him, Stefan will never want to leave his side.

I can’t even-

o o o

Stefan tells Elena about the hybrids not working, but she doesn’t care. I don’t even think she hears him – she is focused. She says that he doesn’t need to protect her, he needs to come back home, and he yells what the frickin frack does she expect him to do there?! It will never be the same.

She lies and says that she knows that, and Stefan says he doesn’t think she does. He’s left tons of dead bodies all over the place. Innocent people he’s just killed like the serial killer he is! But Elena has a plan! Her eyes shine manically as she goes through it: She will be the new Lexi.

She’s going to dye her hair, and become awesome, and bring him back from the brink of darkness. She will make him laugh and get him on animal blood again! This screams of Girl, Interrupted.

Stefan is like alright, lady, but that took thirty damn years. To a vampire that is less than nothing, but to Elena that’s half her life. Elena clutches her L’Oreal Preference Hair Color Ultimate Natural Blonde #10NB and says she can’t give up on him. He slaps the boxes out of her hands and says she must! It’s over for good. That part of his life is done and he doesn’t want to see her ever again. He just wants her to leave him the hell alone.

Yeah, the dramatic music begins to play, but I can tell you all right now Elena didn’t hear any of that. She may look horrified but it’s only because all her Natural Blonde #10NB is on the pavement and she paid 10 bucks for that stuff. Next week, she will be telling Alaric they need to go to the frozen tundra of Antarctica to find Stefan because he loves her still.

After the break we’re back in the car. Elena is sitting there like a zombie when Damon gets in and just tells him to drive when he asks if she’s alright.

o o o

Liz is siting on the edge of Caroline’s bed as she sucks down a blood pack juice pouch. Liz tells her that both of their families have these traditions that have been passed down from generation to generation, beliefs that are hard to get rid of and stray from. Caroline points out Liz strayed from them, but Liz tells her it was all Caroline that taught her that. Caroline says that she just always assumed dad was the one that understood her the most. Liz says he did and he will again, eventually.

Tyler comes to the doorway and Liz leaves them alone, but not before Caroline can thank her for believing in her. It’s a really, really sweet moment. And Caroline is taking this INCREDIABLY well. But I’m sure it’s mostly shock.

Tyler comes in and asks if this is a bad time to give her grief for sneaking out on him, and Caroline laughs for the first time in a while. She moves over so he can get in bed and they cuddle together, him stroking her hair while she finally breaks down and sobs on his chest. Oh gosh. These two. I swear. Can you even remember when they didn’t like each other? Me neither.

o o o

Klaus goes back to the coffin to see it empty and the guard dead. He sing songs for Rebecca to come out from wherever she’s hiding. She zooms out and stabs him with the dagger! What no! Klaus damnit! You cannot leave Stefan-

FLASHBACK!

Rebekah is standing there waiting for Stefan, but Klaus tells her that Stefan isn’t coming with them. They have to disappear and Stefan will raise too much attention. She needs to let him go. She demands to know what Klaus did, but he grabs her arm, telling her they don’t have time for this. She says that she doesn’t want to run anymore – she wants to be with Stefan.

He says fine – then she needs to choose between him and Stefan. She chooses Stefan, which I get, but she’s seen what he does to people who don’t choose him. He stabs her right then and there. My goodness, he kept those things handy, didn’t he?

PRESENT DAY!

Whew! Klaus is fine – totally forgot he was a hybrid for a second. He tells her that he understands that she’s upset with him, so he’s going to let the whole stabbing thing go. Plus he has a peace offering. In steps Stefan and she fairly melts. He finally Compels Stefan to remember everything that happened. Stefan looks at Rebekah, and he’s really jazzed about recognizing her.

Then Klaus calls his name, and when Stefan looks at him, all the old feelings come flooding back. Quick flashback to Stefan telling the camera man to take ‘a picture of my brother and me.’ Back in present day, he tells Klaus that he remembers that they were friends, and Klaus corrects him with how they are friends.

They gaze at each other for a long while, and then Klaus turns back to Rebekah. He tells her that Gloria says that she knows how to contact the original witch. Gloria sneers, and reaches for the necklace around her throat to find it gone. She panics and says she needs it back. Klaus screams at her, telling her to tell him that that is not what Gloria needed. He grabs her and shakes her, and she pulls away so she can search her coffin. Of course, she doesn’t find it and she flips everything over in anger. The whole time Stefan is all wide eyed and worried because he knows where it is. He looks terrified!

I’m kind of wondering why he kept a lady necklace for so long.

o o o

Back at home Damon is on the phone with Katherine. She tells him that she knew the whole thing would go to hell. He asks where she is, and she teases if he wants to rub sunscreen on her body. He guesses Spain or Italy, saying he knows she loves her lazy afternoons and she tells him to keep on guessing and hangs up.

FLASBACK!

The police are in Gloria’s club clearing away bottles. The necklace lays on the floor and a woman stops to stand in front of it.

The camera scans up to see Katherine with a beautiful dress and FIERCE bob. Gurl looks good in every decade. She watches Stefan wander around confused and dazed. He spots the necklace and picks it up. From behind him, Balthazar from Supernatural is playing a cop who is holding a sketch of Klaus and Rebekah. He asks Stefan if he’s seen them and Stefan says he’s never seen them before in his life.

Katherine watches as Stefan pockets the necklace.

PRESENT DAY!

Katherine is hailing a cab in…

Chicago!

What in the world is going on?

o o o

Another awesome episode! The best so far I think. Don’t you love how everyone already knows each other? I mean, it makes sense, being alive for so long you’re bound to run into each other, but it’s still really nice to see. And how awesome is it that Katherine was in the same space as Klaus, even though she knew how much he wanted her throat? I guess it’s a kind of foreshadow of her not always running when she knows Klaus is near.

And, okay, maybe, MAYBE, Stefan and Klaus aren’t/weren’t lovers – but if that is the case, someone please give Joseph Morgan the memo. Cause he sure doesn’t know. If any of you can point out how he was acting that differently than Rebekah in this episode I will give you a cookie.

Thank you guys for reading. Tell me what you thought of this episode in the comments! Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to press this drug release button. See you all next week!

o o o

Questions!

-So is the necklace the reason why Katherine found the Salvatore brothers in the first place?

- NOW do you believe me when I say Klaus and Stefan are a thing?

-What role will Rebekah play in the show and how will it affect Klaus and Stefan?

-Will Elena finally give Damon some love?

-What do you think the necklace is?