If the Cuddling Was the Best Part, He Didn’t Do It Right

By Erica

In the latest episode of Veronica Mars, Wallace takes over mystery-of-the-week duties and
figures out who hit his new crush’s car, while Veronica starts
investigating the school bus accident. Reporters once again descend on
Neptune. But the scariest part of this episode was learning that Dick
Casablancas and his father, Big Dick Casablancas, own guns. You know
that old saying: if a gun is introduced in Act One, it should go
off in Act Three. I’m kind of worried for poor little Logan now. But
let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There are tragedies to exploit.For us, though, it’s a little less of a tragedy than we might have
thought, since Meg is alive!  And somewhat well, considering she
plunged off a cliff (and you know no one wears a seat belt on the
school bus). Duncan visits Veronica at the coffee hut and informs her
that Meg is still unconscious. Maybe she’ll wake up with
amnesia! People on television never seem to get amnesia anymore.
Veronica feels guilty, because if she hadn’t been there Meg would have
gotten in the limo, but that’s Meg’s own damn fault for being stubborn.
No girl-feud is worth choosing a smelly school bus over a limo. As
Veronica and Duncan chat on her break, a very rude young black girl
gets pissy when V won’t make her a drink, and tells Duncan he can do
better. This girl isn’t funny bitchy, like, say, Coral from The Real
World, she’s just nasty bitchy. Unfortunately, we already saw her in
the credits, so she’s sticking around for awhile.

At the police station, Sheriff Lamb pretty much tells reporters that
the bus driver drove off the cliff on purpose. He wasn’t taking his
anti-depressants, he had marital trouble, and he had tried to kill
himself before, plus there were no skid marks on the road. Meanwhile,
even more reporters congregate at Neptune High, trying to interview
anyone who knew the dead students.

In the bathroom, a scary blonde girl, who we learn is the bus driver’s
daughter, tries to get Veronica to help her. Jessie needs proof of
non-suicide for the insurance, but Veronica is still pretending like
she’s not a detective anymore. Two 09ers walk in, mocking Jessie, who
responds by punching one of the girls in the face. Luckily, she wasn’t
very attractive anyway. This impresses Veronica, who finally agrees to
help.

At a Little League game, Steve Guttenberg is still trying to convince
Keith to run for sheriff. A group of poor kids shows up, and
apparently the rich and poor kids have worked out some kind of
baseball field timeshare that the baby 09ers are not observing. A
fight breaks out (class tension! just in case you forgot!) and
Guttenberg breaks it up.

At the Mars apartment, Veronica is also trying to convince Keith to
run. On the television (the Mars family eats their dinner in front of
the television, as all good families do), Kevin Smith catches their
attention as the convenience store clerk who served the bus driver
minutes before the accident. Well, we know who Veronica will be
visiting a few scenes from now.

The next morning, we see that the bitchy girl from the first scene is
the daughter of the baseball player from last week. She’s still
bitchy, she’s just moved from New York to live with her dad – who she
seems to hate – and she calls her period her “monthly” (who does that?).
Blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch. I hate her already, and not in a
good way. She shows up in Wallace’s class, and he volunteers to take
her to the attendance office. He’s already in love with her, and I can
see that, because she is pretty hot, and she hasn’t revealed herself
to be evil to him just yet. She also likes “bad boys.” Gag me.

Logan and Charisma do it at the Casablancas mansion. He’s on top, but
I don’t think he’s giving her the shocker quite yet. (P.S. Thanks to
everyone who told me what that was last week. Though after you all
told me, I still had it wrong in my head, and was all “damn, this show
is so dirty!” for the rest of the day until I got a more detailed
explanation. I’m not that good with the innuendo, apparently.)

The Casablancas boys (all 3 of them) return home suddenly, and Logan
quickly retreats upstairs. He can’t leave because his truck is in the
driveway, which was not very smart. You would think the adults in this
town would stop sleeping with the teenagers, what with how it ended up
last time. Let’s hope Logan doesn’t end up with his very own amateur
porn and an ashtray to the head. Big Dick invites Logan to target
practice with him and Dick Jr, and Beaver says, “well, I guess I’ll go
knit something.” You know, Beaver’s kind of cute. I never noticed that
before he started talking about knitting.

Wallace sees Jackie in the parking lot, and, not surprisingly, she’s
pissed. She has reason to be this time though, because someone hit her
dad’s Porsche (which she took against his wishes) and left a note that
said “Lots of people are watching. It sure looks like I’m leaving my
insurance info, but I’m not.” Not that I condone hitting-and-running,
but that note is kind of awesome. Wallace offers to help Jackie find
out who did it, by which he means that he’s going to call Veronica and
ask her to do it. He gives her the classic Veronica head tilt and
corresponding “whatcha doin’?”, but she’s not in the mood for mockery,
so he decides to take care of it himself.

Veronica is at the convenience store, surrounded by school bus
memorabilia. Kevin Smith is there, and I want his sweatshirt (well,
his would be a little bit big, but you get what I’m saying). It’s a
flying school bus with angel wings and a halo, and at the bottom it
says “We’ll never forget.”

Is there a
knockoff of this on eBay yet?

He wonders if he looked fat on TV, and Kevin, the answer is yes, oh
god yes. But thank god Jay is nowhere to be found. Veronica pretends
to be a creepy goth chick who gets off on the macabre. Because yes,
creepy goth chicks are always cute and blond and wearing smart little
blue blazers. Blazers are the new Nine Inch Nails T-shirts. Kevin
tells Veronica she’s the Marilyn of the Munsters who’ve been hanging
around. I’ve always secretly wanted them to remake the Munsters, only
not as a comedy. Steve Guttenberg’s TV daughter can play Eddie.

Veronica asks to be served the last meal the bus driver ate, which was
a cherry Slurpee (or “Monster Glug”) and a bag of peanuts. He also
bought a St. Christopher medal, and at this point Veronica realizes
that he bought it to get change for a phone call. Later, she goes down
to the police station to pretend to apply for a receptionist job.
Using their phone, she calls someone to trace the calls made from the
convenience store pay phone.

Veronica drinks iced tea at Jessie’s house, and tells her that her
dad’s last phone call was to the Cotter residence, conveniently
located in their apartment complex; but the Cotters later say they
don’t know him. The police show up to search the house.

At target practice, the two Dicks show off their shooting prowess, and
if I were Logan, I might not want to be around the guy whose wife I’m
banging when he’s got a gun in his hand. Dick tells Logan that his dad
and stepmom will be out at a party at the Neptune Grand, and that they
should invite some girls over, but not to Casa de Killer, aka Logan’s
house. Well, rich people’s houses often do have names.

While Veronica’s over at the Cotters, Jessie calls to let her know
that the police found a suicide note on her dad’s computer. To anyone
with half a brain, it sounds like a note he wrote to give to his wife
upon leaving her, but as we all know Sheriff Lamb only has, at most,
one-third of a brain.

At the Sac n Pac, a creepy pedophile-ish guy makes conversation with
Wallace. Turns out he’s a reporter, and he’s trying to get a story out
of Wallace, who is only interested in the reporter’s stenography pad.
It’s also worth noting that the reporter is wearing a very
ugly patterned shirt.

The steno pad is important, because it clues Wallace in to the fact
that it was a reporter (a female reporter, not ugly shirt reporter),
incognito as a student, who hit Jackie’s car. Wallace gets her
insurance information, and Jackie gives him a thank-you kiss on the
cheek. Aw, Wallace did such a good job. He solved the case and no one
got hurt.

Veronica heads back to the Cotters, where Mrs. Cotter (alone this
time) admits to their affair.  V sets up a meeting between her and
Jessie, who doesn’t seem too thrilled to be there. Still, it does seem
to do her some good to hear that her dad wasn’t planning to kill
himself (at least based on the phone call he made to Mrs. Cotter) and
that he loved her.

This very bittersweet moment sends Veronica straight to the Neptune
Grand to have sex with Duncan. Pretty convenient when your boyfriend’s
parents have escaped to their house in Napa because all the pressure
from their obstruction of justice charges related to the murder of
your boyfriend’s sister and your best friend so that you two can do it
for the first (sober) time in private.

Once they’re done, V and Duncan hear some very loud lovemaking going
on in the room next door, and we can safely assume that theirs was not
nearly as vigorous. Because that might have required Duncan to show
some emotion, and we all know he doesn’t do that unless he’s a) having
an epileptic fit or b) being accused of rape. Once Duncan falls
asleep, Veronica gets dressed and leaves (way to f–k and run,
Veronica, though I guess Duncan once did the same to her. Still, he
had the excuse of thinking she was his sister), and runs into their
next-door neighbor–Logan. He seems to know what just happened,
telling her, “FYI, if the cuddling was the best part, he didn’t do it
right.” After he leaves, Veronica calls his room. She hears Charisma
pick up, but we don’t know if she recognizes the voice. Duncan hears
her and opens the door, but she makes up some excuse to run off, and
he looks after her longingly, thinking “damn, I should really slip her
some GHB next time.”

At the Casablancas home, Beaver is passed out in front of the TV when
Charisma (fresh from Logan-sex) and Big Dick come home. Picking up
some popcorn from the floor, he notices a mysterious condom wrapper
under the couch.

Keith turns down Guttenberg’s offer to run for sheriff, but then
changes his mind and accepts it after seeing Lamb be a jerk to Jessie,
despite her tearful pleas to him to reopen the case on her dad. When
Veronica hears, she’s pretty excited, at least until her dad tells her
she looks different. Sex different. If he couldn’t tell before, why
would he be able to tell now? I know that she may not want it to
count, but Veronica did have sex before.

On the beach, the police search a dead man in a loud-patterned shirt.
I think it’s the same reporter who was bugging Wallace at the Sac n
Pac, but I’m not sure. And he’s got “VERONICA MARS” written on his
hand. Oh, that’s not good.

So, why could this guy possibly have Veronica’s name on his hand? Do
you think he’s heard she’s having sex now? Because you know, everyone
can tell.