The Priest Is My Drug Lord; I Shall Not Want

After Duncan fled for Mexico last week, many people in Neptune, including Veronica Mars wondered if they would ever see him again. For those of you wondering the same thing, don’t hold your breath. See, the actor whop lays Duncan, Teddy Dunn[not Gunn, thanks KiwiKerry4eva], is only signed on for one more episode this season, which means that we probably have heard the last of the Meg Manning saga for a little while. It might be sort of an abrupt end, but the writers were shrewd to have Astrid, Celeste Kane’s personal assistant, accompany Duncan, meaning we can always use her as a proxy towards Duncan’s whereabouts. Who knows, maybe Duncan will jump on Astrid (he seems to like the type) and save her the trouble of kissing up to Celeste in order to make money. That is all speculation, and even with Duncan out of the picture, we still have plenty of conspiracies running through Neptune to keep us busy. And as we have all learned from 1.5 seasons of Veronica Mars, answering those questions is never easy.The first question on our minds involves Wallace. Last week, a reporter from Chicago gave Wallace a chance to speak about what happened when the Escalade met the wino. Wallace had been trying to hide from everything in Neptune and keep his mouth shut, but decided that he was going to do the right thing and tell the truth. He was meeting the reporter at Java the Hut, and Veronica handed him a slice of German Chocolate Nutgasm. No, that is not one of EdHill’s new bedroom moves, but a slightly provocative name for a cake. Nutgasm does sound sort of like a Christmas ballet produced by Vivid Video, but I am not one to complain about furthering the use of -gasm as a suffix denoting the best ever, so why make a fuss?

Wallace’s case is keeping Veronica busy. She is still dealing with her boyfriend fleeing the country with his dead ex-girlfriend’s baby, and she needs a project. Keith Mars, on the other hand, has something planned of his own. He goes to the police station, and using the “I’m getting audited excuse” in order to get Inga away from her desk. She uses her absence to make himself a key card for the evidence locker. Although they have had problems with things being taken from the evidence room, Lamb and company still haven’t bothered to do such simple things as point the camera guarding the evidence room in a position where it could actually catch anybody. Keith walks in, gets the evidence that he needs (taped recordings of police interviews about the bus crash), and heads off on his merry way,

Finally, we have Weevil. He slides up next to Molly Fitzpatrick and starts asking some questions about her and Felix, and whether Felix was working with her pale, drunk, and angry crime family. Molly laughs and says that they both would have been killed if her family had found out. She did say that they had met at Church, the only place, as Weevil says “the Micks and the Spics” can get together without fighting. And wouldn’t you know it? Patrick Fitzpatrick is actually the priest at St. Mary’s. That’s just too big of a coincidence not to have a massive conspiracy involved, much like the deaths of Coretta Scott King and Chris Penn happening in the same week. It makes you wonder what is really going on. Excuse me, but there is a black helicopter hovering outside my window, and some sort of spotlight on me. Oh, never mind that’s just the street lamp. But while I am talking nonsense, did anybody else think Molly Fitzpatrick looked sort of old and busted? I’d rather date Molly McButter.

The most important business of the day, however, belonged to Wallace. Even though he did the right thing, he still was a snitch, and his snitch could cost Rashard Rucker millions of dollars down the road. That’s bad news for Rashard and bad news for all of the people who are looking to leech off of his success, and that means there could be hundreds of people who want to get back at Wallace for what he has done. Wallace thinks everything is OK, but the next day, he gets a call from his dad. Front page news: Wallace Fennell implicated in hit and run. That’s right folks. Everybody else in the car is testifying that Wallace was the driver, and with everything at stake, he is going to need a good lawyer.

Not quite the headline Wallace was looking for.

Clearly Wallace goes to Veronica for help picking a lawyer, and of course Veronica is going to pick Cliff. Cliff is a lawyer, and he has not problem giving Wallace some advice, but since he isn’t working for $500 an hour, he says Wallace should simply turn himself over to the police when they ask. He will be transferred to Chicago and stand trial. Taking the fall for somebody else’s crime was not something Wallace had envisioned when he decided to do the right thing. It was time for Veronica to get started on her big project.

Wallace is convinced that Rashard’s uncle is behind the whole thing, and if he only could talk to Rashard alone, he could convince him what he did was wrong. He doesn’t have to turn himself in for another five days, so if Ms. Mars is on her game, he can make it to this week’s big game against Pan high. Thankfully, Veronica knows somebody who goes to UCLA and is able to give her Mr. Rucker’s schedule, since he is conveniently visiting Westwood for a look at the campus, and to see if what they say about the co-eds is true. (Note to self: When weather gets warmer, start blogging on UCLA campus next to freshman dorms. To bring: iPod, binoculars, lotion.)

Before Veronica gets started with Wallace, her father actually has her doing some work. He wants her to shred some files from the Murray case, and so she gets at it, starting with all of the incriminating photos that they took. One photo in particular catches Veronica’s eye: a picture of Terrence Cook, Jackie’s dad, sports superstar, and should-be member of Gambler’s Anonymous, talking with Ms. Dumas, the journalism teacher who died in the bus crash, played by our favorite overacting Top Model, Naima. The journalism teachers really don’t last very long at Neptune High, do they? If it isn’t pregnancy that takes them down, it’s student advocacy or fiery bus crashes.

Normally, a teacher meeting with a parent of a student at her school wouldn’t be a big deal. Maybe he is interested in the type of people who will be teaching from his daughter; perhaps he is horny and was hitting on a fine young woman. Terrence owed millions of dollars to some very unsavory characters, and so a picture of him with the teacher who died in the bus crash is going to be important. Veronica knows that her dad is taking a look at the crash again, and fills him in on Terrence Cook, even though she would also have to admit how she got that information, and that was by bugging Sheriff Lamb’s office. Incidentally, Keith already knew about the bug because he found it and removed at a later date, but the picture of Terrence does give him another way to approach the bus crash.

People know that I think Logan has a penis head, and now I am not so sure. If Logan had a penis head, there would be some evidence that there are blood vessels that actually travel to his brain. Weevil is at his house discussing the situation with the Fitzpatricks, and Logan can’t take his mind off his video game. I mean, I never thought that Logan was a retard, but I thought that he would be able to beat Dick Casablancas in an attention span contest that doesn’t involve memorizing the curve of Kendall’s ass. Weevil has little use for this kind of shit, and so he rips the controller out of the Playstation 2 (although I thought he liked X Box better, judging from last week) to try and get Logan to listen.

Focus Logan, focus.

Some of Logan’s brainpower, if at all existent, might have helped in his current situation. Weevil is not a brain surgeon, and besides conducting strip searches, is not that great of investigator. The current theory is that Father Patrick Fitzpatrick is running a drug ring from inside the church, and he is using both the Fitzpatricks and at least one PCHer to do his dirty work. Logan is skeptical at first, because he can’t think of any place where they could pass money and product with any privacy. Oh Logan, he should look at some porn when he is trying to think, you know, get the blood flow going to that noggin of his. There is no better place to make an exchange of items than the confessional; they just need to figure out some way to get proof.

Veronica’s first attempt at getting Rashard Rucker a little one on one time with Rashard Rucker doesn’t involve getting dressed in some slutty outfit and seducing him. No, poor Veronica’s boobs are too small for her to be noticed among the hordes of horny women willing to throw themselves in front of a basketball star bound for the NBA after the league mandated two years in college. She does get dressed up as if she was a hot, but nerdy UCLA student supposed to show Rashard around. Veronica has a limo waiting, and with sign in hand, Rashard notices and takes two young fans with him for the ride.

Everything is going according to plan, but the limo was blocked by a truck, which gave Rashard’s overprotective uncle/manager/pr/everything Monty Rucker a chance to realize Rashard was gone, see the limo, and kick the two girls out before any, uh, “dribbling” got started. He chastised Rashard while the limo driver, who I thought was Keith Mars with a Luigi moustache, but was just some poor idiot growing a handlebar, took them to their destination, a garage where Wallace was waiting. Since Wallace was in the garage, he never got Veronica’s warning about Monty joining the little party, and he didn’t get two words in before Monty started going off about how he was going to call all of the important people in his little phone and tell them they are being kidnapped

It looks like Veronica will have to try another plan, but first she wants to get a hamburger. She is late for her shift at the hut, and she hasn’t had a bite to eat. Speaking of fast food gets Wallace to thinking. The night of the accident, everybody stopped at White Castle, meaning that there should be some security footage of Rashard in the driver’s seat, and if not, the person working the drive through should remember Rashard was driving, because he asked for an autograph at the time.

Veronica doesn’t get her meat for the evening (and with Duncan gone, she might have to wait a while), but she does make it back to work in time to witness plenty of people butchering songs during Karaoke night. And if her job wasn’t difficult enough, Weevil is asking for a favor: he wants Veronica to bug the confessional at St. Mary’s. Veronica is all about doing what it takes to help a friend, whether it be tutoring him at Math, or proving that he didn’t steal any of the Echolls credit cards, but bugging a confessional is a little much for her. Then Logan speaks up, saying that she would be helping just more than one person. Yes, Logan was also there, but seated at a separate table, and they both had their heads down for fear the wrong people would see them together and make an issue.

As you might imagine, Veronica was having a great time with these two guys desperately in need of her help. She gives them plenty of suggestions, including a two-piece disguise they could use, since at least one of them should have experience being a horse’s ass. Logan pleads for help without all of the commentary, but he really isn’t in the position to make demands, is he? Veronica does decide to help, but she will only put a video camera inside, not bug it for audio.

Surveillance video is something that Wallace would have loved, but the tapes from that evening at White Castle were missing, and neither Guy Abrutti, who was working the drive through that morning, or Neil Patrick Harris were anywhere to be found. Therefore, Wallace is going to need yet another plan. But first, Veronica needs to work on booking that trip straight to hell she has always wanted.

Veronica heads to St. Mary’s and does indeed bug the confessional. Patrick Fitzpatrick is indeed one scary looking bastard, but when Veronica begins to speak to him about the things that she has done, namely trying to get revenge on people who have done bad things, Father Patrick recalls how he too used to be somebody who wasn’t quite on the up and up, and we aren’t talking about making the altar boys listen to Michael Jackson music; he actually spent time in prison for assault. Without getting all Sunday School on everybody, Father Patrick quotes the book Romans. The gist of the message? “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Does that sound like the mind of a ecclesiastical drug mastermind? I didn’t think so.

Wallace’s last hope of getting face to face with Rucker is an Alpha party at UCLA. Veronica was thinking about joining along, but seeing that Alpha was a black fraternity, she decided to let Wallace go in alone so as not to attract any attention. Wallace goes inside, finds Rashard, and tries to appeal with him about “doing the right thing”, and that he can’t walk away from the truth. Rashard says that he thought Wallace was his friend until he ratted him out, reminded him that there was a lot at stake, and told Wallace that if he continued to mess with him, he’ll hit back just as hard.

If that wasn’t enough of a let down for Wallace, a few minutes later he saw Jackie. You remember Jackie, his ex-girlfriend. He hadn’t really been returning her phone calls since he got back, and they were kind of on the outs. Jackie had even suggested that she, Wallace, and Veronica could hang out and watch a movie, knowing that such a gesture towards Veronica might make Wallace happier. Wallace said he was busy, and it looks like Jackie moved on with her life, because she was at the party, and she was talking with Rashard.

Is It a coincidence that this asshole sports superstar bears a striking resemblance to T.O.?

Man, that’s just cold. It’s one thing to accuse a guy of vehicular manslaughter, but do you have to take his girl as well? Wallace tries to tell Jackie that Rashard is trouble, but Rashard has the ice-cold brothers of traditionally black fraternity party security take care of Wallace, which involves throwing him in a closet. Meanwhile, Rashard and Jackie take her Porsche to a Hollywood Club. A ha! That’s where Veronica’s club connection is going to come in handy. Remember, last week she met a deputy who worked security and offered to get her in at any time. She must follow them and talks some sense into Rashard herself, right? And she can embarrass Jackie at the same time? That would just be too perfect!

Actually, it really didn’t go down like that. Wallace did see Monty Rucker, and Rashard’s uncle once again told Wallace that he should leave, and stay away from Rashard. The look on Monty’s face when Wallace said that Rashard had already left with his ex-girlfriend was great, but Wallace was willing to help out and let him know where to find Jackie. He may have to witness this guy taking Jackie away from him, but it doesn’t mean he can’t extract some petty revenge. Monty heads to the club, and the funniest thing happens. Veronica’s contact, who is checking for weapons at the door, does the old switcheroo with Monty’s magic phone, and hands it over to Veronica. You’re a rascal Veronica Mars!

According to plan, Veronica gives Wallace the phone. If Monty was involved in getting that White Castle kid to shut up, there will be evidence of a phone call. He might even know where this Guy Abrutti character is. Even better, Jackie comes up to apologize to Wallace about being a huge bitch, or so I thought that was going to happen. Jackie was in on the whole thing. Rashard has a weakness for the ladies, and Wallace knew she had enough influence (not to mention a tight looking ass) to get Rashard to follow her wherever she went. Wallace lets uncle Monty know where they’ll be, and he has the magic phone. Jackie actually sort of apologizes, saying that she has always been good at seducing guys, but holding on to the good guys is always tricky. Awwww. I am sure Wallace is waiting to kiss and make up, but just at that moment, another girl comes by, and asks Wallace if they are still on for the big game. Wow, Wallace actually did have plans, and they involved another floozy. You can’t stop him; you can only hope to contain him.

Wallace does give the phone numbers to his dad, who is able to track down this Guy Abrutti, who is living it up off of Monty’s dime at a fancy hotel with a couple of girls that look like they don’t want to be there. I am not sure, but perhaps it is the sight of this guy in his tighty whities that’s preventing them from getting too damp at the thought of an evening with him. Luckily for them, Wallace’s dad breaks up the party, and Guy is going to have to speak.

One project completed, Veronica only has to get her video from the church. It looks like Weevil was right; the confessional at St. Mary’s was being used to exchange money and drugs, but there Father Patrick had nothing to do with it. Instead, a Fitzpatrick would come to confessional, put a Bible inside, and later on, a PCHer would come in and take it, or vise versa. On Veronica’s tape, she had Liam Fitzpatrick and Thumper making the exchange.

With this evidence in hand, Weevil decides that he is going to have to teach his boys a lesson. How could they take money from the Fitzpatricks? The crew that killed Reaper? How could they make a deal with the enemy? Weevil’s speech is not having quite the proper effect that it should. In fact, Thumper said so what if he is making a little extra money running some drugs, except the way he said it, you could see that he was not the only one. Oh, and that part about not making deals with your enemies? Why should they follow advice that Weevil doesn’t think is good enough for himself? That’s right, Hector’s cousin, who works for the hotel where Logan is staying, saw Weevil leaving Logan’s room. Oh, and I know this is Southern California, but any time the writers want to have a Mexican character who isn’t in a gang and doesn’t work cleaning a house or a hotel or at a chop shop, that would be great. I mean, even a greasy burrito stand is stereotypical, but at least it’s an honest wage!

Anyway, Weevil probably thought that he would be getting some good vengeance on, but instead he is forced to take a beating himself. Afterwards, when it is just him and Thumper, Weevil asks if Thumper killed Felix. Thumper basically admits to doing so, but if Felix should ever think about going to the police, Thumper conveniently made a video of Weevil beating up another old member of the gang within an inch of his life, and says that he will take that evidence to the police if Weevil ever thinks about saying something. Perhaps the final insult to all of this was that the PCHers drove Weevil’s bike into the ocean. That means that Weevil needs to take the bus to get to school, a fact not lost upon all of the people who used to find him so fearsome. Now, I would have thought that Weevil doesn’t care enough about school to take the bus to get there, but the effect is still good nonetheless.

Wallace is having a much better day than Weevil. After his dad found Mr. Risky Business, things started getting better. Monty Rucker called him, and Wallace gave him plenty of dripping sarcasm about keeping his mouth shut to last the rest of the season. But for now, all that is on Wallace’s mind is the big pep rally for the game against Pan High. There are no mascot wars this year, and Veronica didn’t make him any cookies, but the ladies can’t get enough of him, and that seems like it will work out just fine.

So, the only thing we haven’t wrapped up is Keith and his bus investigation. They were analyzing the rat too much. He heard testimony from all of the kids who weren’t on the bus that it smelled horrible, and there was no way that they were going to ride it back. Hence, the rich kids got a limo, the poor kids died. What if whoever wanted to the bus to crash was not interested in killing Veronica, but just making sure the rich kids didn’t die? Veronica thought that Curly Moran, the person who we now think rigged the bus to crash, had a special connection with Aaron Echolls, having worked on a film together, but it turns out that every kid on that bus had a parent who knew Curly, thanks to his skill with fixing exotic cars. Then Keith hears the mother lode.

Almost all of the kids decided to leave because of the smell on the bus, but there was one person who was told to stay off of the bus even before people knew it was going to smell like a dead rat. Her name? Gia Goodman, daughter of Woody Goodman. Did Woody want somebody on that bus to go missing? Or did he know what was going to happen before hand? Maybe his star player warned him something was going to happen? We did see him talking to the journalism teacher. Maybe he was trying to protect his star player? I have no clue what is going on, but it will be fun to find out. Sheriff Lamb is going to start things off by questioning Terrence Cook.

I thought this was a great episode. They kept three story lines moving very well, solved one mystery, but left two hanging out there that will be very interesting to see how they progress. I think it is too early to say whether Woody Goodman or Terrence Cook are involved, but the way they like the twists on this show, I am guessing that Terrence has no involvement and Woody might have a peripheral involvement. You would think that he wouldn’t have told Keith to run for Sheriff knowing he would be looking at the bus crash. Then again, that surprise revelation about Keith letting the driver go on a traffic stop sounded a little too smart for Lamb to come up with on his own. If anything, this has the smell of PCH/Fitzpatrick alliance all over it. I’m also really interested to see if Logan will continue in his partnership with Weevil now that there is less in it for him. Knowing what Weevil risked to help him out, does Logan have the guts to risk just as much? I still think Logan has it in him; it all depends on how much of that self-inflating ego of his shows up when he wants to decide.

What did you think of the episode? Is Terrence Cook to blame? How about Woody Goodman? What is up with the PCH/Fitzpatrick crew?